View Full Version : Celebrity Boxing!
A Monkey With a Gun
03-13-2002, 12:43 PM
Step right up and place your bets ladies and gentelmen, Beeblebrox Gaming Enterprises is taking all action on tonights Celebrity Boxing (Fox - 9PM EST) Please step to your nearest internet ticket window (located behind the reply button on your screen) and place your bets. As always, redemption* requires documentation, so hold on to your stubs!
* Payable in non-refundable dope dollars
Trailer Trash Tromping
who: Tonya Harding vs. Paula Jones
Tale of the Tape:
Nickname: "The Pounder"
odds: Harding 1:4
Sit Com Bat
who:Danny Bonaduce (“Danny Partridge”) vs. Barry Williams (“Greg Brady”)
Tale of the Tape:
Nickname: "Boom Boom"
Nickname: "The Butcher"
Washed Up Waterloo
who:Robert Van Winkle (Vanilla Ice) vs Todd Bridges (Willis on “Diff’rent Strokes”)
Tale of the Tape
Robert Van Winkle
Nickname: "Mad Dog"
oddsVan Winkle 1:2
Beeblebrox Gaming Enterpises (BGE) has set the odds and titles for tonight's matches only. BGE is not responsible for the nicknames of the combatants, which are the sole property of Fox Broadcasting. BGE is not responsible for payoffs in the unlikely event matches are proven fixed by FOX inc, Bill Clinton, or Gary Coleman. Finally, BGE shall not be held for responsible for American Culture's downward spiral - the sole property of FOX Broadcasting Incorporated.
03-13-2002, 12:52 PM
Okay, I'll take D$20 on Jones for my long shot. Can't resist a small bet on those odds.
Bad Boy Bonaduce seems to have the edge in the next one. I'll take D$50 on the Partridge.
Finally---Vanilla Ice beat Todd Bridges? Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Beeble? D$100 says Willis kicks Ice-Ice-Baby's ass.
03-13-2002, 01:03 PM
I just wanted to say that never in my life have I found myself uttering the words "hell in a handbasket" more than when I'm watching Fox.
03-13-2002, 01:17 PM
Side bet: $10 sez Paula Jones is attacked with a lead pipe to the knee hours before the fight.
Barring that -- Harding will kill her anyway. Jones has a glass nose (har har).
Bonaduce is a fucking psycho anyway. He'll knock the snot out of Johhny Bravo.
Vanilla Ice is a big guy. Willis Whatshisname is a bag of bones. Ice ices Bridges.
Someone ought to offer Rupert Murdock a billion dollars to fuck a chicken in prime time, just to see if he'd do it.
03-13-2002, 02:12 PM
Batty, you're batty. Todd Bridges has been in prison, fer pete's sake. He's gonna mop the floor with Van Winkel.
My picks: Harding (she was an athlete), Bonaduce (he's a fruit loop) and Bridges.
03-13-2002, 03:11 PM
Bear this in mind: according to published reports AND the ever-reliable "Entertainment TOnight," Fox TV has taped multiple endings to each "fight," so that no one knows the end result that will be broadcast.
In other words... these aren't real fights. They're staged exhibitions, like professional wrestling, with scripted action and scripted results.
Now, perhaps this alone will be entertaining to some people. It might even be hilarious, in the same way that MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch often was. Just don't tune in expecting to see any REAL punches thrown. Bonaduce and Williams will only be play fighting, like the rest of the "combatants."
How come we don't get weights on the women? Seems pertinent to the question. Maybe Tonya's been working out!
Darn, they're staged.
03-13-2002, 09:46 PM
Astorian -- If these were staged fights, no wonder these folks aren't doing much acting, or Fox needs to fire the fight coordinator.
I found it entertaining, if not too competitive.
For the record:
Williams v Bonaduce:
Williams put up a fight and landed a few blows, but Bonaduce's previous experience in the ring really showed. (Didn't he already beat Donny Osmond in a charity event?) Bonaduce landed solid blows and scored some six knockdowns in the three rounds before Williams's corner finally threw in the towel. Williams was just out classed, he should have been fighting David Cassidy. Bonaduce by TKO.
Van Winkle v Bridges:
Much more entertaining fight, fairly evenly balanced, but still fell under the truism "Don't pick the white guy in a fight." Van Winkle went the full three rounds, but Bridges, who probably had a few prison matches under his belt, scored more points as well as a couple of knockdowns. I felt Bridges won all three rounds. This one went to the judges. Bridges by decision.
Jones v Harding:
I wasn't sure what to make of this fight, especially since Jones was a last minute replacement. Unless she worked out regularly, no way was she going to be ready for this. Also against her: Harding has shown herself to be just plain mean when it comes to competition. Jones had the crowd on her side going in and I would have said the two fighters were even through the first round with both scoring some good punches. But between rounds, you could see the two fighters in the corner and sense things were going to change. Harding had her gameface on while Paula seemed to finally be figuring out what she had gotten herself into. During the second round Jones began running for cover, turning her head and ducking behind the referee for protection, often leaving herself vulnerable to a flurry of punches from Harding. Although she answered the third bell, Jones had had enough and tried to wave off the fight. The Referee stepped in, but not before Harding landed one more blow. I would have had round one even, with round two going to Harding before Jones cried no mas. Harding by TKO.
03-13-2002, 09:55 PM
Originally posted by Boxcar
I wasn't sure what to make of this fight, especially since Jones was a last minute replacement.
She was? Who did she replace?
Tonya fought like the little bitch that she is. The other fights were not exciting at all. I was privately hoping Paula would beat the snot out of Ms. Harding, but no such luck. Sigh.
Dewey Cheatem Undhow
03-13-2002, 10:11 PM
Paula Jones replaced Amy Fisher (of "I attempted to kill Joey Buttafuoco's wife" fame). Now THAT would've been a matchup.
03-14-2002, 12:31 AM
I vote we let Amy have the handgun.
03-14-2002, 08:37 AM
I enjoyed it.
I figured the winners would be who they were, though Vanilla put up a good fight, considering.
Barry looked quite menacing however.
I heard a good crack on the radio this morning...
The doctor took one look at Paula's face and it was so messed up he called the fight. The fight hadn't even started yet. :D
03-14-2002, 12:04 PM
I enjoyed it too. (Except for the girl-fight. That was pretty pathetic.) The fights really didn't look staged to me.
03-14-2002, 02:10 PM
I'm ashamed to say I actually watched it. I was, at times, even entertained, if only by what I felt were my dazzlingly witty remarks;
"OOooo-that bump looks bad. Better put some ICE ICE on it BABY!"
"Now DAT'S whatchoo talkin' about WILLIS!"
Much to the :rolleyes: of my SO
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