using props to meet people [Archive] - Straight Dope Message Board

MagicalSilverKey

04-07-2002, 10:11 PM

About the sketching: I wouldn't be drawing the people in the place I am at. I'd be drawing something or someone else entirely either from imagination, memory, or photos.

If you don't have a friend, go out with your favourite book, or at least one you can have a conversation about...a book is good bait, and you're not bored while you're warming the bench in prep for striking out.

From my experience, people reading books generally prefer not to be interrupted. I hang out in Barnes & Noble a lot and there's always cute women in there studying or browsing. I would never bother the ones studying because you can obviously tell they want to be left alone. I personally wouldn't mind, being interrupted, but it never happens.

I would like to point out one thing I failed to clarify.

The props would be mainly for getting other people to approach me, as opposed me approaching them. The frisbee bit really wasn't the best example. OTOH, I think the sketchbook is a good idea. Stranger: "Hey what you drawing there? Mind if I have a peek?"

as for the deck of cards: e.g. playing solitaire when things aren't too busy. Stranger: "What you doing over here playing cards all by yourself?"

See where I am going with this?

I have tried some things before. I used to do crosswords at the bar for awhile, but no one ever said anything. Maybe they thought I was weird or just didn't want to bother me.

The only time a prop ever worked for me was once I was playing a pocket size electronic card game in the bar and 2 girls asked me what I was doing and they invited me to sit with them. I blew that one though by being too shy and not opening up.

I guess I'll just keep walking the dog in the park, for now :rolleyes: FTR: This is "the" place to walk your dog. Lots of doggie walkers there.

carlotta

04-07-2002, 10:24 PM

The best prop for attracting women is a baby.

I started to write this about to tell you that this prop idea was not likely to work. Then I remembered that I spent a whole fourth of July with a guy who "accidentally" threw a frisbee at me. Of course I was 14 then.

Seriously though, if you're interested in meeting women why don't you answer some personals ads? That way you know the women you're approaching are interested in meeting someone.

Turpentine

04-08-2002, 12:21 AM

Yeah, I second the personal ad idea.

I've had lots of fun meeting people that way, even though none have turned out to be lasting relationships.

However-

I met my current crush through a personal ad. Oh my god...he is so hot. He wears glasses and dresses like a nerd. That's a plus, but the real attraction is that he kicks serious booty at chess.

I mean, I beat most people I play at chess, but this man was relentless- his fingers glided effortlessly over the chess pieces, his army surrounding and engulfing me, rendering me powerless.

I was incredibly turned on. I want to challenge him to a rematch, but I'm shy.

Tortuga- No, I'm not in Sacramento, but I'm happy for that woman, beating that stupid asshole.

Part of the reason I try to look as pretty as possible when I'm playing chess is to disspell the blond+pretty= stupid myth.

Fighting ignorance one move at a time...usually starting with PQ-4.

MagicalSilverKey

04-08-2002, 10:44 AM

Damn, talk about confusing...

What the hell happened? It wasn't too terribly long ago that people here on the SDMB were quite unfavorable of singles ads, now they're recommending them? :confused:

And while were at it...

What's up with everyone thinking "creepy" these days? Since when did talking to people in public places become taboo?

Dragwyr

04-08-2002, 11:25 AM

Originally posted by Turpentine
Fighting ignorance one move at a time...usually starting with PQ-4.

Now THERE'S a sig line if I ever saw one.

auntie em

04-08-2002, 12:03 PM

I say it does depend upon the prop. I mean, obvously someone cuddling a severed human head on a park bench is not likely to make friends...

...but I'm not even talking in the extreme, here.

IMO, carting a frisbee (for an example of a prop that would require Stranger Participation) around in the park would make you look sort of desperate, in a "Please be my friend" sort of way.

And even though you yourself are not creepy, keep in mind that Participation Props are the standard MO of child molesters...

I say as long as you don't own the dog exclusively as a prop, what's wrong with taking advantage of him/her? As a dog-lover, I can tell you that I'd be much more likely to approach you in a park if you were there with your pooch, because:

a) I'd see immediately that we have something in common (unless you've only brought your dog's severed head to the park with you)

b) I'd view you, as a fellow "dog person", to be more amenable to a friendly chat than, say, a person sitting alone with a crossword. Crosswords don't say, "Join me!", they generally say, "I'm having a great time by myself, thanks." Unless, of course, you look up just as that hot tamale in the yoga pants is power-walking by, and say, "Hey--what's an eight-letter word for 'unmarried woman'?"

c) If conversation got awkward and/or shy (but we were both still clearly interested in continuing to get to know each other), we could just take a tip from our dogs and begin sniffing each other's butts. :D

I think the dog could work for you, man.

MagicalSilverKey

04-08-2002, 12:40 PM

Originally posted by auntie em
I think the dog could work for you, man.

I enjoy walking my dog just because it's enjoyable and relaxing and yes, if I'm lucky, I might meet someone.

Well, the dog has worked for me...Quite a number of times. The thing is, when a woman does stop to pet and chat, I usually get so stunned by the spontanaeity, that I lock up in shyness and blow the whole thing.

Her: "Oh what a pretty dog! Can I pet it?"
Me: "Sure"
Her: "What's it's name?"
Me: "Cyndi"
Her: "Hi Cyndi" pet pet pet "Well thanks for letting me pet your dog"
Me: "Sure, bye"

:rolleyes:

See what I mean? I have even had several occasions where the woman was obviously flirting with me and I still blew it, even though she had the door of invitation wide open for me. :rolleyes: I am an idiot! I don't know how to "carpe deim."

The last time this happened, I about wanted to beat the crap out of myself. The girl was sooooooo hot. She called to me from a good distance away, asking me to wait so she could see my dog, and she was flirting with me, big time. I will never forget what she said to me. With bedroom eyes, a come hither smile, and an endearing tone of voice she said, "The timid dogs always have the timid owners"

I was so embarrassed and shocked I didn't even ask her name or anything. MSK is an Idiot! with a capital "I." :::whips out a large trout, slaps self in face:::

I never saw her again. :(

Spontanaeity and I don't mix. Hopefully I've learned my lesson.

Urban Ranger

04-08-2002, 01:00 PM

Originally posted by Turpentine
Fighting ignorance one move at a time...usually starting with PQ-4.

Ever played Sicilian Defense as white? :D But I have graduated to Go these days, it's the essence of strategy.

trishdish

04-08-2002, 01:59 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

The thing is, when a woman does stop to pet and chat, I usually get so stunned by the spontanaeity, that I lock up in shyness and blow the whole thing.

Then I don't think that walking around the park with a frisbee is going to solve your problem, my friend. If you are shy, you are shy even if you have a prop to help you out.

You can probably guess what most women are going to say to you and to your dog when they approach you. Could you come up with a kind of "script" to help you out and to take away the air of spontanaeity which seems to have you a bit tongue-tied?

Sunshine

04-08-2002, 02:37 PM

I have to agree with trishdish here. When you go somewhere hoping to meet a girl, be prepared with some things to say, some conversation topics and such. It will make it much easier for you.

And also, I see nothing creepy about props. Not even the frisbee, although I would think that bringing something that doesn't necessarily require two-person participation might be more fun while you're waiting for someone to take interest. For example, bring a football which is good for playing with another person but if alone, you can throw it up in the air and catch yourself. Or a baseball and glove (and maybe keep a spare glove in the car or whatever).

But mostly, be prepared to talk when you do meet someone. That is key! Go to the library and get a book about how to make small talk--that might help.

Cheesesteak

04-08-2002, 03:34 PM

The dog is the best "prop" you can choose. Nothing is less attractive than desperation, carrying around a frisbee all by yourself implies desperation. You are looking for someone to hang out with, you're "needy". Not good.

When you're with the dog, you don't need anybody else, you're with your dog! If nobody approaches you, you're still happy, total lack of desperation. It also shows that you're a caring and dependable person, which is good.

If you're already having trouble with the small talk, the prop won't help. Talk about your dog, ask her about her pets. Everybody loves to talk about their pets, they even love to talk about pets that are long gone.

My last piece of advice (as though I'm someone to give advice) don't go out looking for someone, too much pressure. Go out to have a nice time, if you meet someone while you're at it, that's cool.

Mr. Frink

04-09-2002, 04:44 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
From my experience, people reading books generally prefer not to be interrupted. I hang out in Barnes & Noble a lot and there's always cute women in there studying or browsing. I would never bother the ones studying because you can obviously tell they want to be left alone. I personally wouldn't mind, being interrupted, but it never happens.

MSK, actually bookstores like Barnes & Noble are great places for meeting people! And don't let girls who are "studying" intimidate you. 9 times out of 10, they are there to meet people too. I mean, come on--if they really wanted to focus on their material with no interuptions, they wouldn't come to a crowded bookstore cafe! They would study at home, or in a library! So, I say--give it a try! You'll have an easy way to start the conversation--just glance at the textbook, and then make a comment on the subject.

As for bars & such, it is much easier to meet people if you go to the bar with a friend. For some reason, that takes a lot of the pressure off. I'm a lot like you--it's very hard for me to initiate conversations with girls I'm attracted to. But I started to go out with my cousins & they are very bold. They will walk up to any girl and start flirting. I learned a lot just from watching them. The biggest key is: Make them laugh! You seem like a pretty witty guy, so just try to use a lot of humor. If you can get her to laugh--you're home!

Violet

04-09-2002, 06:27 AM

Do some volunteer work, like joining the junior chamber of commerce (depending on your age), & helping with activities like Special Olympics. You'll meet a lot of people just by doing something good. FWIW

Watermelon Man

04-09-2002, 07:03 AM

Originally posted by Green Bean
Definitely not a good idea to throw a watermelon at some cute chick. :)

Yeah, we are fragile:D

But a cute chick is always welcome !!!

MagicalSilverKey

04-09-2002, 10:40 AM

Originally posted by Mr. Frink

MSK, actually bookstores like Barnes & Noble are great places for meeting people! And don't let girls who are "studying" intimidate you. 9 times out of 10, they are there to meet people too. I mean, come on--if they really wanted to focus on their material with no interuptions, they wouldn't come to a crowded bookstore cafe! They would study at home, or in a library! So, I say--give it a try! You'll have an easy way to start the conversation--just glance at the textbook, and then make a comment on the subject.

As for bars & such, it is much easier to meet people if you go to the bar with a friend. For some reason, that takes a lot of the pressure off. I'm a lot like you--it's very hard for me to initiate conversations with girls I'm attracted to. But I started to go out with my cousins & they are very bold. They will walk up to any girl and start flirting. I learned a lot just from watching them. The biggest key is: Make them laugh! You seem like a pretty witty guy, so just try to use a lot of humor. If you can get her to laugh--you're home!

Good point you make about the girls studying. Seems plausible. Any ladies here agree with his observations?

As for the thing about going out with a friend....

I do not have a friend or anyone to hang out with.

Unfortunately, this not an exaggeration.

auntie em

04-09-2002, 11:14 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Good point you make about the girls studying. Seems plausible. Any ladies here agree with his observations?

I suppose I agree partially; I'm sure there are women sitting in Barnes and Noble studying right now, thinking, "I sure wish that handsome fella with the cute dog and the trout in his back pocket would come over and talk to me," ;) but as a person who has, on occasion, gone to a diner or coffee shop hoping to study/read with minimal interruption (because, as opposed to the library or my own house, that's where the FOOD is :D ), I can tell you it's not always the case.

That said, I certainly would have no right to be offended if some fella came up and started a conversation. I mean, Mr. Frink is right; I should have carted my ass to the library or back home if I had such a strong aversion to being bothered at the moment.

Case in point: On leaving my grad-school-waitress job early one sunny afternoon, I had planned to go home and get some serious reading done.

But it was so nice out. I couldn't bear the thought of being cooped up inside on a Bay Area Spring Day. So on a whim, I dropped into a local pub on my way home (I had my book with me), thinking I'd sit on the terrace, sip a Margarita (maybe with a plate of calamari), and commune with James Baldwin. I had no intention of picking up a boy (and certainly didn't feel very foxy, still in my grease-spattered waitress clothes) or even talking to anyone...

But lo and behold, here came a fella who'd just had lunch at my workplace, recognized me from there (though I hadn't waited on him), and struck up a conversation.

Four hours later, I hadn't gotten a THING done in the way of reading, but I had a dinner date.

Sometimes the sacrifice is worth it. ;)

So if you WERE to approach me in Barnes & Noble, even if I had work to do, I would probably talk to you, assuming you didn't hit me with that trout. Honestly, IMO you do run the risk of approaching someone in a bookstore or coffee shop who doesn't want to be bothered.... but you could also wind up as somebody's Happy Afternoon Surprise.

Wait, that didn't sound right....:p

MagicalSilverKey

04-09-2002, 11:52 AM

auntie em -

The example you used is just a little different. You said the guy who approached you, recognized you from where you worked. While you were both total strangers to one another, this guy had an "in."

By "in" I mean a point of reference or familiarity. You worked where he ate. He ate where you worked. You had something in common, even if it was trivial.

"Ins" are extremely helpful in meeting new people. I have found that if I have an "in" I am far less likely to be so shy and more likely to open up and make an introductory move.

Using the bookstore as a continuing example:

If I see someone reading or studying something that I have no knowledge of or familiarity with, I am at a total loss of an opening introduction.

If I saw someone reading Edgar Allen Poe, then maybe I could say "Hi. I see you're reading Poe. What's your favorite story? What about his writings do you enjoy?"

But if Jane Doe is reading "Quantum Physics 101" I have no "in." Of course I could be a total fool and make something ghastly up, but I do not use "lines." I never have. I never will.

I think "personal ins" are even better than "material ins." A "personal in" is what happened to auntie em. While these could be easily mistaken for a cheap line, they can often be true. "Excuse me, don't you go to _______?" or "Don't you work at _______? I go there a lot, but we've never been properly introduced."

Having no "in" makes things so much more difficult.

auntie em

04-09-2002, 12:17 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
auntie em -

The example you used is just a little different. You said the guy who approached you, recognized you from where you worked. While you were both total strangers to one another, this guy had an "in."
. . . . . . .
But if Jane Doe is reading "Quantum Physics 101" I have no "in." Of course I could be a total fool and make something ghastly up, but I do not use "lines." I never have. I never will.

Hmmm, well... you're right, but "ins" are easier to find than you might think. For example, even though Jane Doe is reading Quantum Physics 101 (about which you know less than Oprah knows about The Secret Sordid Life of Dr. Phil), she might be wearing a "Ralph Nader for President" button, or wearing a necklace with a Celtic charm, or drinking what smells suspiciously like a Hazelnut latte... Not that any of these things would necessarily be an "in" for you, but you could probably find one...

Sure, the guy I met (and dated, for a few weeks) had an "in", but it had nothing to do with the book in which my nose was buried. Actually, his "in" was kind of phony. Not phony in that he hadn't just eaten at my restaurant, but phony in that he didn't really give a crap about where I worked--he was just using it... well... as an "in".

What he really found fascinating about me that day (God knows why) was the Margarita/Book combo I had going out there on the terrace of an otherwise empty bar. Every once in awhile, during the time we dated, he'd look at me with an affectionate grin, shake his head, and say, "Drinkin' a Margarita and readin' a book."

Not all that interesting to ME, but he always made it sound wildly and fascinatingly incongruent, like something akin to "Goin' to church wearin' nothin' but Spiderman Underoos, a Panama hat, and Moon Boots."

He didn't get out much. :rolleyes:

My point is that if you want to talk to someone, there is ALWAYS an "in", if you look carefully. And it doesn't really have to have anything to do with anything, it's just a way to start talking so you can find out what else you have in common.

And actually, if you think about it, significant "ins" can sometimes be dangerous. I mean, in my scenario, there was no way we could have spent the next four hours talking about my waitress job and his lunch, so we ended up covering a range of topics, and learning quite a bit about each other. A conversation about Edgar Allan Poe, on the other hand, could go on for an entire semester ;) , and therefore would be easy to use as a crutch, especially if you're shy. Know what I mean?

lieu

04-09-2002, 12:24 PM

Back in my day we used a sock and were damn happy about it.

MagicalSilverKey

04-09-2002, 01:27 PM

auntie em-
you said:

Sure, the guy I met (and dated, for a few weeks) had an "in", but it had nothing to do with the book in which my nose was buried. Actually, his "in" was kind of phony. Not phony in that he hadn't just eaten at my restaurant, but phony in that he didn't really give a crap about where I worked--he was just using it... well... as an "in".

What he really found fascinating about me that day (God knows why) was the Margarita/Book combo I had going out there on the terrace of an otherwise empty bar. Every once in awhile, during the time we dated, he'd look at me with an affectionate grin, shake his head, and say, "Drinkin' a Margarita and readin' a book."

Hmm this is fascinating because what I get from the above is:

"If you see someone interesting, just tell that person what you find so interesting about them as a person." (without getting too personal)

I may be reading more into it than was said. If you think about it, though, it pretty much gets rid of all the "phoniness" as you called it.

Example: I see a beautiful woman in the cafe of the bookstore. She's reading Quantum Physics 101. I don't know jackshit about Quantum Physics, and have no interest in Quantum Physics whatsoever but what I do know is: (a) she's attractive (b) she's intelligent (c) she likes coffee. Bing-bing-bing, we have three things in common already, and we haven't even met yet.

Now what do I say to her if approach her? I can't be too flattering, as that may sound phony. I can't be too personal either. How do I convey from thought, into vocalization, "I find you attractive and interesting, I want to know more about you," without appearing fake or desparate? I know women love it when a guy shows true interest in them as a person.

Green Bean

04-09-2002, 02:01 PM

Here are some things to say if you decide to work your dog as a prop:

"Do you have a dog?"

"What kind of dog?"

"How old is your dog?"

"What is his/her name?"

In other words, ask her questions and get her talking.

Also, many animal shelters need volunteers to help walk and socialize the dogs. (no experience necessary.) You might meet people doing that, or at least it will give you something to talk about with the dog-loving women who approach you. It's fun in any case.

auntie em

04-09-2002, 02:59 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Hmm this is fascinating because what I get from the above is:

"If you see someone interesting, just tell that person what you find so interesting about them as a person." (without getting too personal)

I may be reading more into it than was said. If you think about it, though, it pretty much gets rid of all the "phoniness" as you called it.[/i] [/B]

Well, actually, I hadn't meant to say that, but I don't actually see anything wrong with that approach, and you're right--all that "What's your sign?" mumbo jumbo goes right out the window, which has to be a good thing! ;)

And, if I may continue to be anecdotal, that approach has worked on me as well (I'm so easy.:p ). I had a guy approach me on the street once, as I was walking home, and just basically say, "Hello my name is... I've seen you walking around here a few times, and just really wanted to meet you."

His timing kind of sucked--it was raining, not a good time to stop and chat on the sidewalk (not to mention the fact that I had a boyfriend)--but from then on, we'd speak when we ran into each other (which was fairly often, since he lived on the next block) and, when time permitted, stop and chat for a second (really mundane stuff, like "So where are you off to?"). Eventually, my boyfriend was outta the picture, and on one of those Stop-n-Chats, Mr. Sidewalk Howdy invited me out for coffee. I handed over the digits.

Woo, I'm starting to sound really slutty now, aren't I? :D

Well, that story doesn't end romantically--we wound up easing into more of a familial relationship. I did consider taking things a little further one night when we went out for a drink and I got tipsy... unfortunately, he wound up getting attacked by a million ANTS at the bar (we were sitting outside). At that point, our romantic moment was shot to hell because

a) he was really feeling the need to run home and scrub himself silly in the shower, and

b) when he frantically ripped off his shirt so that I could knock the ants off of his back, well.... I won't go into specifics (so as not to offend anyone here who might have the same "issue" and thus come across as not only a slut, but a shallow slut), but Honey, the lust left at that moment. :rolleyes:

Anyway, MSK, I say get on out there! Take the dog, and take a chance! Say Hello!

chula

04-09-2002, 03:17 PM

I used to study in cafes and got picked up on all the time. Some of those places in Berkeley seemed to be serious pick-up joints for the nerdy-ish. I didn't go there to be picked up on - I just couldn't concentrate at home or at the library. I usually didn't mind the interruptions.

Quantum Physics is a hard one. It appears that maybe you don't have much in common with this person. I can't think of anything witty at the moment (I'm glad I'm not a guy!), but there must be something you can say. "I always wanted to be a physicist, but..."

How do I convey from thought, into vocalization, "I find you attractive and interesting, I want to know more about you," without appearing fake or desparate?Approaching the woman shows you're interested. You don't have to say it.

Wisest Novel

04-09-2002, 03:29 PM

MSK, I won't advise on your bookshop scenario, since auntie_em is much wiser than I, but I did want to offer one pointer. You're obviously taking this "tactical and strategic approach methods" thing very seriously. That's commendable, because our personal relationships are big, important pieces of our lives, and it pays to remember that.

But I'd caution you about taking things too seriously, especially in the "heat of battle." {Insert your favorite cliche here about women's ability to smell fear, or nothing succeeding like success, but there's something to it.} Now I'm not suggesting you need to be swavey and dee-boner. You don't sound like the type, and I wasn't either. Still ain't, for that matter. I just began to notice that the times when I was in a relationship were the times I had the easiest time meeting women. As I examined it, I saw that although I was still quiet-spoken when already committed, I felt much freer about complimenting an attractive person, or just talking about something mundane.

In fact, I checked out your thread because of something that just now happened. Backstory: I'm a single dad, not in a relationship; so although I'm open to the idea of a romance, I'm kinda too busy to get to it right now. So an hour ago, I'm at a grocery store here in IL, where I am visiting family (and did the ChiDope (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=108182)). The lady behind me had done something with her eye makeup I'd not seen before. I can't explain it well, but it was just cool, and I'm not even normally a big fan of makeup on women. So I just told her, "You know, your eyes are really striking. Just thought you should know." I thought it might cheer up her day a little.

She says thanks, asks where I'm visiting from, and I gather my bags and leave. On my way out, I can clearly hear her talking to the cashier. "Can you believe what he said? That was sooo nice." And then she did that "rowwr" thing by rolling her tongue before I left earshot.

Yessiree, I did consider a quick U-turn, but then I wouldn't have this quaint if overlong object lesson. I think that since I just said what was on my mind matter-of-factly, I avoided giving her the impression that there was a big scarlet "P" on my forehead. Had the line been longer, I'm sure we'd have had a nice chat. Maybe more, maybe not. Best of luck in your efforts.

PS. I had my 6yo nephew with me, but he isn't trained as a prop yet. He was picking his nose.
PPS. That "rowwr" thing made my day! :cool:

Wisest Novel

04-09-2002, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by chula
Quantum Physics is a hard one. For "moderate" help on quantum physics pickup lines, we need search no farther than our very own DrMatrix' sig.
That's not a tau-neutrino in my pocket, I've got a hadron. Not that I'd recommend actually using this....:)

auntie em

04-09-2002, 03:48 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
PS. I had my 6yo nephew with me, but he isn't trained as a prop yet. He was picking his nose.

Honey, a nose-picking 6-year-old is the perfect prop. All I have to say is that a fresh booger is just like glue. Your hand, her ass, your nephew's booger.... now there's a conversation starter (and will give you a definite line on what kind of sense of humor she's got)! :D

rjung

04-09-2002, 04:29 PM

For the geeks out there, an Apple iBook makes a great chick magnet. (http://www.digiserve.com/eescape/mac/humor/BBD-Reason-for-an-iBook.gif) ;)

trishdish

04-09-2002, 04:43 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

Now what do I say to her if approach her? I can't be too flattering, as that may sound phony. I can't be too personal either. How do I convey from thought, into vocalization, "I find you attractive and interesting, I want to know more about you," without appearing fake or desparate? I know women love it when a guy shows true interest in them as a person.

Ok, dude, let's just cut to the chase here...you are WAY over-analyzing all of this! Which, if I can sound all pop psyche on your for a sec, it probably why you are having so much trouble with da ladies.

Don't freak yourself out by thinking of this the woman who may someday walk down the aisle with you and bare your offspring, this is just well, another person and you are engaging in a conversation. Hell, if we all over-analyzed this stuff as much are you are doing right now, we would all never talk to anyone ever except to grunt out a thanks to the cashier giving us back our 83 cents in change.

What is the worse that is going to happen? Really, think about it. If you approach someone at Barnes and Noble reading a book on quantum physics and you complement her on her glitter eyeshadow and she, she, she says thanks. And that's it. And you walk away. No worse for the wear. Or maybe she screams out "get away from me you sicko before I call for security". And then, well, you'll probably never step foot in that Barnes and Noble ever again unless they pick you out from the mug shots in the manager's office but still, you are alive. Bruised and battered but alive.

The reason why that exchange worked for Wisest is because he wasn't trying. Again, don't think of these people as potential flies to capture in your spider web of love but instead just as people. People, people who need people...

What? Where was I? Oh yeah, don't get too obsessive about this. Be nice, be friendly, SMILE and get out there, dude. Minus the frisbee, though. And since you said you don't have any friends, even if you don't score a potential partner d'amour, maybe you'll find a bud.

trishdish

04-09-2002, 04:43 PM

MagicalSilverKey

04-09-2002, 05:41 PM

Maybe I should just sign up to appear on Elimidate or The Fifth Wheel. :o

But seriously:

(a) first of all: My thanks to all for your wit and wisdom. You are right about several things: I do over-analyze stuff too much. I do take meeting new people too seriously.

(b) Necessary or not: my apologies for this thread turning into minor TMI. I hadn't intended for it to get this involved, but you folks are just too damn perceptive! ;)

(c) I am heading out tonight. It's my weekly adventure into the bar for karaoke night. Let's hope I have as good a time as I did last time. I don't go to sing, but I go to get myself out and around people and have fun playing the interactive trivia game they have there. Last time I went, I had such a good time because of two things: (1) I wasn't trying or expecting anything (2) I did talk to people I didn't know.

Shyness is a pain in the ass. Sometimes, as noted above, I can just "turn off" the shyness, but HOW I do that, I have no idea. It kinda just happens.

I guess Yoda said it best: Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.

I focus too much on trying instead of doing.

ummm... yeahh...

04-09-2002, 05:55 PM

If I may make a suggestion: a guitar in the park is a GREAT prop. I play a lot of guitar and actually don't ever intend on picking anybody up. But there's something about playing guitar that women like. Especially if you're writing a song. Now you're projecting music and poetry. Lots of opportunity to discuss... Also, I ALWAYS try to just be myself. Obviously when you first meet someone you try to put your best foot forward but if you're looking for a long term relationship, be honest about yourself from the start. That's my two cents.

Wisest Novel

04-09-2002, 05:59 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
I do over-analyze stuff too much. I do take meeting new people too seriously. <snip> I am heading out tonight. <snip> Last time I went, I had such a good time because of two things: (1) I wasn't trying or expecting anything (2) I did talk to people I didn't know.Wow, what a difference in tone from the OP. Judging from this, MSK's gonna be all good from just taking this issue out and looking at it.

And that really sucks, because I sometimes stop in the South Bend/Elkhart area on my way from IL to OH, and now MSK's gonna be snapping up all the hotties. Bastard. ;)

Wisest Novel

04-09-2002, 06:14 PM

Originally posted by auntie em
Your hand, her ass, your nephew's booger.... auntie em, if I used a tagline, I'd be changing it right now! Don't know about freak magnet, but you're definitely a freak. Bravo.

And trishdish, I really liked your pop psych style. Next time my head needs shrinking, I'm looking for you.

Um....Busy right now?

SuperNova

04-09-2002, 06:45 PM

A great prop in a park.... a kite.

In these days of lesser kite flying (at least it seems like it), flying a kite attracts a lot of people. And if a cute girl comes over, offer to let her fly it a few minutes...

trishdish

04-09-2002, 06:50 PM

[i]

(c) I am heading out tonight. It's my weekly adventure into the bar for karaoke night. Let's hope I have as good a time as I did last time. I don't go to sing, but I go to get myself out and around people and have fun playing the interactive trivia game they have there. Last time I went, I had such a good time because of two things: (1) I wasn't trying or expecting anything (2) I did talk to people I didn't know.

Yay! I'm so glad to hear that you are going out! And if you somehow get the urge to do karaoke, might I suggest "Everybody's Working For The Weekend". Nothing like a little Loverboy to woo the crowd.

Go get 'em, tiger. Rrrrrowwwwrrrr!

And don't feel the need to apologize. You were open, you were honest and you are actively looking for suggestion and advice. You are trying! And that's half the battle. Seriously, you sound like a nice, sweet, great person (which would make you a fantastic catch in anyone's book). I guess it's just hard to me to relate to being shy since I'm SUCH an extrovert, chatty Cathy and generally, people probably wish I would just shut up already. So, I've never really had a problem with chatting people up. But whatever you do, just be yourself, be happy and have a good time. People naturally gravitate to people who seem happy and social.

You'll be beating women off with a stick in no time.

:D

trishdish

04-09-2002, 06:54 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel

And trishdish, I really liked your pop psych style. Next time my head needs shrinking, I'm looking for you.

Um....Busy right now?

You called?

Seriously, auntie em is a freak. You pegged her right. But, psssst, I've known her forever.

ummm... yeahh...

04-09-2002, 06:59 PM

MSK

Here's a few conversation tips that I think will help you. I use these when there's that weird pause and neither of you is sure what to say:

1) Play "Deserted Island". It goes like this. "So you're stranded on an island and you can only have 5 CD's. Which ones and Why?" You can replace CD's with movie's or what have you.

2) 2 Truths and a Lie. Tell them you are going to make up two truths and one lie and they have to try to guess the lie. Pick interesting stuff that you've done that most have not.

3) Avoid as props any of the following: Bottle of booze inside the paper bag, duct tape, any length of rope or Richard Simmons shorts. Those tend to be turn-offs.

Good luck man. I hope this helps. Let me know if you need more ideas!

Gozu Tashoya

04-09-2002, 07:06 PM

Originally posted by chula
I used to study in cafes and got picked up on all the time. Some of those places in Berkeley seemed to be serious pick-up joints for the nerdy-ish. I didn't go there to be picked up on - I just couldn't concentrate at home or at the library. I usually didn't mind the interruptions.

Bolding mine, of course.

Would you mind elaborating on the 'usually' just a bit, please? Not to hijack MSK's thread, but one of my personal problems (fears, phobias, nightmares, etc) about approaching readers in a B&N or similar is that I'll interrupt her at The Wrong Time(tm).

Now I'm not exactly a troll in appearance, and, despite my fears, don't think I come off as particularly creepy (I can, in fact, be witty for minutes at a time) but I can't tell whether my interruption will be one of the minded ones or the non-minded ones.

So what's the diff? Is it the approach, the person, or the timing?

chula

04-09-2002, 07:28 PM

Two possibilities:

I really do need to study. In which case I say, "I'm sorry - I really can't talk right now because I have to study for this exam."
The guy is really creepy. In which case I say, "I'm sorry - I really can't talk right now because I have to study for this exam."
When I say creepy, I mean creepy. I'm a weirdo magnet. I'll talk to just about anyone for at least a little while. Unfortunately, nothing short of "Fuck off or I'll call the police" will make those guys budge.

MagicalSilverKey

04-10-2002, 12:24 AM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
Wow, what a difference in tone from the OP. Judging from this, MSK's gonna be all good from just taking this issue out and looking at it.

And that really sucks, because I sometimes stop in the South Bend/Elkhart area on my way from IL to OH, and now MSK's gonna be snapping up all the hotties. Bastard. ;)

Hey, Wisest, if you plan on passing through, let me know, and maybe we can hit the clubs and score some hotties. Nothing as helpful as a wingman when you're out clubbin. :D

Well, I did it. I went out tonight. I had a good time. I didn't talk to anyone, but I did pull a fast one on my fav' bartender, Annie. I have been wanting to do this for some time and I finally did it tonight.

They always give the check in one of those little folio things, so I stuck this giant faux ten dollar bill inside, and wrote on it, "Just kidding!" with a smilie face and my first name under it. When I was done ordering for the evening, I handed Annie the folio so she'd ring me up. She went to the register and started plunking away at it, with this giant ten dollar bill in her hand. She almost turned to hand me the change and then she caught it.

She had a big smile on her face handed back the giant ten and said, "You almost got away with that one!" and giggled, and then I handed her a real ten dollar bill. We got a nice chuckle out of it. Plus, I know she didn't know my name before, as I hadn't introduced myself (too shy) but now I hope she'll remember my name. I made her laugh. ;) I have been going to same bar for years and she always knows what I order. The moment I sat down, I had coffee in front of me before I even said hi. She's the best bartender I've ever seen. and just a darn cool person overall. Oh yeah, did I mention she's a hottie too. :D

I'm learning the hard way that:

Confidence comes from doing.
Anxiety comes from trying.
Doing and possibly failing is okay, because only then have you truly tried.
Spontaneity holds few regrets.
Expectations generally lead to disappointment.

hypothetical example: "I didn't come to this interview expecting to get hired. I came to this interview knowing I will do the best work that I can offer."

Did I just say that? No that couldn't have been me. :eek:

Ok, this assertiveness is scaring me. :eek:

Spit

04-10-2002, 02:56 AM

There has been some great advice given, so I thought I would toss in my share.

I used to be really shy too. Then I read somewhere that if you could try to imagine yourself as charming as Cary Grant while you were chatting up women, then you would be more confident. So armed with this new found knowledge, I headed to a mall in a city far from my stomping grounds. I sat in the food court, and every time a cute girl would walk by, I would go up and talk to her. Yeah, it was rough at first, but after a while I became pretty quick with conversation. After four hours of this, I was ready to go out in the real world.

Even now, when I'm starting lose my confidence, I go to a mall, hit on a bunch of girls, get a few numbers (Usually about 4-5 out of 10) then go back and try it at home.

Happy hunting!

Space Vampire

04-10-2002, 06:20 AM

It's the only true benefit of cigaratte smoking I've ever heard of...

Theobroma

04-10-2002, 06:22 AM

Hey, don't discount personal ads...I met my husband that way! 10 years married this May!

By the way--my idea of "creepy" is "won't take no for an answer." If someone says "well, bye", let them go. If you can keep 'em talking...or better yet, laughing...you're in.

Wisest Novel

04-10-2002, 07:49 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Nothing as helpful as a wingman when you're out clubbin. :DAgreed. I'll see how on-schedule I can be by this weekend. Always up for a mDope. But you have to let me see the legendary key!

Come to think of it, talk about great props....

auntie em

04-10-2002, 07:55 AM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
auntie em, if I used a tagline, I'd be changing it right now! Don't know about freak magnet, but you're definitely a freak. Bravo.

And trishdish, I really liked your pop psych style. Next time my head needs shrinking, I'm looking for you.

Um....Busy right now?
Good news for you, Wisest Novel! Trishdish and I have been best friends since we were 11 years old. Ya might could get a package deal. ;)

We do a great rendition of Ebony and Ivory.... :D

Oh, and BTW... I am a GIANT freak-magnet. :rolleyes:

MagicalSilverKey

04-10-2002, 10:32 AM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
But you have to let me see the legendary key!

Come to think of it, talk about great props....

Here it is: http://fff.fathom.org/pages/MagicalSilverKey/SilverKey2.jpg

Spit

04-10-2002, 01:12 PM

Here it is: http://fff.fathom.org/pages/Magical.../SilverKey2.jpg

Damn, you are one handsome Key! :D

Regarding the wingmen, perhaps you should take the advice of some other guys (http://www.askmen.com/love/player/19_love_games.html) .

Wisest Novel

04-10-2002, 02:03 PM

Originally posted by jcmckaig
Regarding the wingmen, perhaps you should take the advice of some other guys (http://www.askmen.com/love/player/19_love_games.html) . OK,that was cute, and even kinda funny, but I hope no one takes it too seriously. For one thing, the guy seems to think that hot=attractive. Maybe that's his bag, but c'mon! Sure, I include a woman's appearance in my attraction level, but who really wants to spend an afternoon--or even the night--with a vacuous Barbie doll?

And since this is already halfway to being a flirt thread, I'll add that although I've never met trishdish or auntie em, I'd guaran-damn-tee that they'd be a hoot to hang out with (though maybe a little dangerous if they're together). All you lucky dudes1 out in wherever-they-are, take notice.

And MSK, anybody can say they've seen the key, but how many people can say they've touched it? OK, that's enough talk about the key. Otherwise, I might start channeling Tolkien, and nobody wants that. :D
If you're still serious about a mDope, drop me an email. My daughter's still gonna be visiting her mom this weekend, so it looks like I'll be making the 80/90 crossing Saturday afternoon, with time to kill.

1Yes, I'm aware that this is an assumption on my part.

MagicalSilverKey

04-10-2002, 02:33 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel

And MSK, anybody can say they've seen the key, but how many people can say they've touched it? OK, that's enough talk about the key. Otherwise, I might start channeling Tolkien, and nobody wants that. :D
If you're still serious about a mDope, drop me an email. My daughter's still gonna be visiting her mom this weekend, so it looks like I'll be making the 80/90 crossing Saturday afternoon, with time to kill.

Your email is not listed in your profile! :eek:

How about you email me? magical_silver_key@yahoo.com

auntie em

04-10-2002, 02:39 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
And since this is already halfway to being a flirt thread, I'll add that although I've never met trishdish or auntie em, I'd guaran-damn-tee that they'd be a hoot to hang out with (though maybe a little dangerous if they're together). All you lucky dudes1 out in wherever-they-are, take notice.

Right you are! 'Course, you're not likely to get a word in edgewise, if we're together. ;)

Thanks for the compliment, though, and I'll pass your message along to the dudes in Kansas (Trishdish will have to be responsible for the dudes in the DC area).... So far the only fellas around HERE who've taken notice are a VERY young and scabby redneck and a chubby, porn-addicted ex-minister, but I'm sure your message will serve as the catalyst for change... :D

Maybe I should start taking my dog(s) to the park more often. ;)

Khadaji

04-10-2002, 02:49 PM

I have (recently) found that the best prop for meeting people is a smile. Practice walking around with a smile on your face. You don't have to smile at specific people, just smile in general. People will usually smile back and say hi. I felt silly at first, as if my smile were fake, so I would try to think of things that were funny. Eventually I got the hang of it and smile almost as a reflex now. Another benefit - I find it harder to stay in a bad mood with a smile pasted on my face.

MagicalSilverKey

04-10-2002, 03:02 PM

auntie em -

Hi again

minor hijack to my own thread, but

Have you ever considered that the reason you are "freak magnet" is because you think you're a freak magnet?

It's not that much of hijack, really. I am learning, too easily, that I am shy only because I think I am shy.

Maybe you've just had some bad luck, but you did say you come from an "alarmist" background. Being a self-saboteur, myself, I sense a strong implication of the same in you. I hope, for your sake, that I am incorrect. (Just trying to help. I beg your pardon if I'm intruding.) ;)

end hijack.

auntie em

04-10-2002, 03:39 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
auntie em -

Hi again

minor hijack to my own thread, but

Have you ever considered that the reason you are "freak magnet" is because you think you're a freak magnet?

It's not that much of hijack, really. I am learning, too easily, that I am shy only because I think I am shy.

Maybe you've just had some bad luck, but you did say you come from an "alarmist" background. Being a self-saboteur, myself, I sense a strong implication of the same in you. I hope, for your sake, that I am incorrect. (Just trying to help. I beg your pardon if I'm intruding.) ;)

end hijack.

While I fully admit to being a self-saboteur in some situations, (including some romantic ones), I have to say that this freak-magnet thing is much bigger than me.

One of my (non-freak) exes (a relationship I sabotaged by saying "Thanks" when he said the "L" word :eek: ) maintains that I am a freak magnet because I am too damn nice to people that other people--including him--would ignore or avoid (too many anecdotes to share, here...). While this might be true (not that I'm too nice, but that I am, in fact cordial in situations where others might not be), I think I must give off a scent or something, because I swear that somehow these people (the "freaks" in question) know, before words are even exchanged, that I'm an approachable person in comparison to others.

One of my friends remarked to her mother that I was a freak magnet, and the mother thought she was just being mean/hyperbolic. Then the three of us (friend, Mama, and I) took a trip to the grocery store, and lo and behold here came the drunk guy who'd wet his pants, making a bee-line for auntie em. He struck up a conversation about the hoisin sauce in my cart, and by the time I made it through the checkout line I knew all about the death of this guy's wife and children, and his subsequent attempts at suicide.

While I sympathized, my friend's mother leaned over and whispered, "Oh my God, you were RIGHT!" in her ear.

But y'know what? I've kind of started to take pride in my freak magnitude. ;) It may not be good for my romantic life, but it makes me happy (and, strangely, kind of sad) when I can tell I've made someone's day just by being the kind stranger that seems to be rare in his/her life.

I feel like I should start humming some inspirational tune, here, but all I can think of right now is "Copacabana". :rolleyes:

trishdish

04-10-2002, 05:17 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel

And since this is already halfway to being a flirt thread, I'll add that although I've never met trishdish or auntie em, I'd guaran-damn-tee that they'd be a hoot to hang out with (though maybe a little dangerous if they're together). All you lucky dudes1 out in wherever-they-are, take notice.

:blush: :blush:

We ARE a hoot to hang out with although you might find that we are a bit LOUD and a bit gabby and I might embarass you by taking up a dare to dance on the bar...but otherwise, we're good people.

And thank you for pointing out, that while that article on wingmen was amusing, the idea that "least attractive girl = the one not makes the moves on" is a big well, stupid, don't ya think? Yeah, keep hitting on the "most attractive" one and then wonder why you keep getting no where with attractive but possibly less than interesting chicks. Not to say that a woman can't be attractive AND interesting like, say, moi but it seems a bit premature to knock someone out of the running because she's deemed a girl-goyle (blech!).

And when I get home tonight, I promise to remind my husband of just how lucky his ass is to have me!

trishdish

04-10-2002, 05:25 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
auntie em -

Hi again

minor hijack to my own thread, but

Have you ever considered that the reason you are "freak magnet" is because you think you're a freak magnet?

Oh, no, it's entirely because she IS! I can't tell you how many times we've been walking down the street window shopping and talking and I point out a cute pair of shoes in the window and ask if she thinks that they would go with my skirt and I realize I'm now talking to myself because she's still down the street talking to some guy who is wearing an aluminum foil swan on his head and scratching his bum.

Really, it goes back to being approachable. Em is very approachable. Typically, she's smiling, sometimes singing to herself and generally looking like someone who would probably talk to you - it's all body language. I used to be that person too and then I moved to the big bad city and got all hard and bitter.

trishdish

04-10-2002, 05:26 PM

Originally posted by auntie em

While I fully admit to being a self-saboteur in some situations, (including some romantic ones), I have to say that this freak-magnet thing is much bigger than me.

And what does that say about me if I'm YOUR friend. Are you the magnet and I'm the freak?!? :-P

Wisest Novel

04-10-2002, 07:18 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Your email is not listed in your profile! :eek:
Woot! :o
Email en route.

Wisest Novel

04-10-2002, 07:29 PM

Originally posted by Khadaji
I felt silly at first, as if my smile were fake, so I would try to think of things that were funny. ...with a smile pasted on my face. Of course you're right, Khadaji, but I now have this vivid mental picture of you marching stiffly around with a big ol' SEG on your face, frightening the women and making small children cry! :D

Welcome to the board, Khadaji. Didn't want you to feel left out of the general mayhem.

MagicalSilverKey

04-10-2002, 11:24 PM

auntie em and trishdish -

Where do you two live? Frankly it sounds to me, as though you live in Sunnydale, CA aka "The Hellmouth." It's time to call the Scoobies and the Buffster and get rid of the big bads : Itchy Ass Tin Foil Demon and Drunken Potty Pants Troll. :D

I don't think auntie em is the problem. I think it's possibly the location or just co-incidence. Of course, I may be totally wrong, but I'm trying to be optimistic.

FWIW: auntie em - I can relate to being "too nice." I used to get told that all the time, when I was more socially active, and sometimes I still hear it. I have had my share of being the "freak magnet" but in my case, it was more of an "abuse magnet." IOW, all the assholes, creeps, users, and bullies look at me and see a flashing neon red bullseye. School, jobs, misc. It's been ridiculous. But I don't want to go into too much detail. Just saying I can relate a bit, if in a slightly different way.

auntie em, just in case your malady is factual: stay away from New York City! (if you're not there already) Good lord, I'd hate to see the hell you'd encounter there. :eek:

One last thing... I don't see your approachability as a problem. But then again, I am quite shy, so approachability eludes me. Anything short of a woman ripping off a trenchcoat, wearing nothing underneath, and shouting "TAKE ME NOW" means I probably would be totally oblivious. :rolleyes: sad but true... (a bit of TMI.... my last s.o. had to literally say aloud "So... ya wanna get naked?" because I wasn't picking up her "signals" at first. :o aack call me Captain Oblivious, stupor-hero extraordinaire. I'm going to go bury my head in some sand now.)

auntie em

04-11-2002, 07:52 AM

Originally posted by trishdish
Typically, she's smiling, sometimes singing to herself and generally looking like someone who would probably talk to you - it's all body language. I used to be that person too and then I moved to the big bad city and got all hard and bitter.

Why am I suddenly getting a mental image of myself as a mentally retarded person? ;)

And if living in the "big bad city" hardened YOUR ass, what of my stints in Atlanta, Houston, and Philly? Was it all counteracted by my time in San Francisco, a city which just makes people all mushy and Kum Ba Ya?

auntie em

04-11-2002, 08:16 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
auntie em and trishdish -

Where do you two live? Frankly it sounds to me, as though you live in Sunnydale, CA aka "The Hellmouth." It's time to call the Scoobies and the Buffster and get rid of the big bads : Itchy Ass Tin Foil Demon and Drunken Potty Pants Troll. :D

I met Drunken Potty Pants Troll not far from Sunnyvale, in fact (Berkeley, CA). As for Tin Foil Demon, wellllll... he's my husband now. (Kidding, of course! :D) Actually, though, trishdish is in Maryland, and I'm in Kansas (where we both grew up).

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

I don't think auntie em is the problem. I think it's possibly the location or just co-incidence. Of course, I may be totally wrong, but I'm trying to be optimistic.

I'm more than willing to go with that theory!!! And in fact there DO seem to be cities where I get a LOT! more attention from men than others. Atlanta, for example--LOVE for auntie em. Philly--not so much love. L.A.--LOVE. Topeka--not so much. You get the picture. And I'm living in Topeka now, where I might easily get a can of Coors lobbed at my head for blocking someone's view of the hot, huge-haired D-cup blonde with the claw-of-death bangs and the camel-toe. :rolleyes:

Of course, aside from my freshman year in college (when I was hell-bent on losing my virginity), I have never been one to want a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Which means that unless I have some specific freak--er, fella--in mind, I am a happy, flappy single gal and so do not tend to go on blind quests for someone to share my bed/hold my hand in the movies. As a result, the men I meet tend to be the ones who approach ME; they might just happen to be walking by my house as I'm coming home from the grocery store. They approach, say hello, chat ensues, next thing I know we're enjoying bananas on my porch. It's not a bad system, really... it just means that most often I'm not the one doing the "choosing".

Of course, if I do happen to develop an attraction for someone who didn't approach me first, I can get downright obsessive. At the moment I have a little crush on my auto mechanic, and am counting the miles until it's time for my oil change (I've already planned my outfit for that day--it does not involve a D-cup bra, however, so it's all a crap-shoot at this point). :D

Khadaji

04-11-2002, 09:53 AM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
Of course you're right, Khadaji, but I now have this vivid mental picture of you marching stiffly around with a big ol' SEG on your face, frightening the women and making small children cry! :D

Welcome to the board, Khadaji. Didn't want you to feel left out of the general mayhem.

Ah, so you've met me, eh?;) You've described me to a 'T', especially the part about making small children cry.

MagicalSilverKey

04-11-2002, 11:10 AM

Originally posted by auntie em
Of course, if I do happen to develop an attraction for someone who didn't approach me first, I can get downright obsessive. At the moment I have a little crush on my auto mechanic, and am counting the miles until it's time for my oil change (I've already planned my outfit for that day--it does not involve a D-cup bra, however, so it's all a crap-shoot at this point). :D

Felicity, is that you? ;)

New to the WB this fall: Auntie Em! the series

auntie em

04-11-2002, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

Felicity, is that you? ;)

New to the WB this fall: Auntie Em! the series

Well, I (and others) have long maintained that my life would make a damn good sitcom; however, I doubt if I'd follow my mechanic all the way across the country (for one thing, my car's a piece of crap, so I'd probably break down somewhere in Utah). ;)

trishdish

04-11-2002, 12:09 PM

Originally posted by auntie em

Why am I suddenly getting a mental image of myself as a mentally retarded person? ;)

Ah, you're right. Maybe we could get Juliette Lewis to play you in the movie of my life. :D

I'm thinking Kate Winslet for myself. I mean, she doesn't any qualms in flashing her tits in her roles and that would be a necessity in playing me.

auntie em

04-11-2002, 12:16 PM

Originally posted by trishdish
Ah, you're right. Maybe we could get Juliette Lewis to play you in the movie of my life. :D

No way, man--Valerie Bertinelli looks much more like me.;)

Wisest Novel

04-11-2002, 12:22 PM

Yeah, but who you gonna cast as Drunken Potty Pants Troll? Belushi's dead, after all.

auntie em

04-11-2002, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
Yeah, but who you gonna cast as Drunken Potty Pants Troll? Belushi's dead, after all.
That's OK--the real-life DPPT was much more resemblant of Ozzy Osbourne, anyhow.

MagicalSilverKey

04-11-2002, 04:27 PM

Originally posted by trishdish
I'm thinking Kate Winslet for myself. I mean, she doesn't any qualms in flashing her tits in her roles and that would be a necessity in playing me.

So, trishdish, how you doin'? ;)

trishdish

04-11-2002, 04:48 PM

Originally posted by auntie em

That's OK--the real-life DPPT was much more resemblant of Ozzy Osbourne, anyhow.

Auntie Em, I'm the fucking prince of darkness. The prince of darkness doesn't have fucking potty pants! - Ozzy Osbourne

trishdish

04-11-2002, 04:49 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

So, trishdish, how you doin'? ;)

Wine me up and I'll follow you anywhere. :D

auntie em

04-11-2002, 04:53 PM

Originally posted by trishdish
Auntie Em, I'm the fucking prince of darkness. The prince of darkness doesn't have fucking potty pants! - Ozzy Osbourne

Well, darkie--I mean, Prince--I mean, Ozzy, you're certainly WALKIN' like you've got a load in your pants these days...

trishdish

04-11-2002, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by auntie em

Well, darkie--I mean, Prince--I mean, Ozzy, you're certainly WALKIN' like you've got a load in your pants these days...

Poor Oz. Don't you just love him, though?

Pussy has herpes?!?

Wisest Novel

04-11-2002, 10:18 PM

Freaks. Bofya.

Mods, can we get this thread renamed "The Auntie Em & Trishdish Show?"

...continue, ladies....

MagicalSilverKey

04-11-2002, 10:34 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
Freaks. Bofya.

Mods, can we get this thread renamed "The Auntie Em & Trishdish Show?"

...continue, ladies....

How about we trim that title down to just "The T&A Show" ;) Obviously trish will be providing the "T" in two ways: by name & by cleavage. ;)

Auntie em - you up for providing the "A" ? :D

Wisest Novel

04-11-2002, 10:50 PM

Oh, and in an assuredly futile attempt to get this thread back in the general direction of the OP, it appears MSK and I will be getting together for a reconnaisance of one or more local Mishawaka (IN) establishments Saturday night. MSK emailed me a good rundown of several clubs, et al, we could attend. Now, I haven't cleared this with MSK, but I'd like to get the thread's POV on where we should hang out. If he agrees, I'll post his rundown of the local fauna for your input (or he can). Things to keep in mind:
1. MSK is lonely, and...well, just read this thread. Something must be done!
2. I'm more than happy to be his "kamikazee," for reasons explained waaay above.
3. Money is, in fact, an object. Not only is buyin' babes definitely out, we can't afford to rent a Bentley to impress the wimminz. ;)

[Chippendales Announcer] Well, ladies, if you wanna see it, you gotta shout! [/Chippendales Announcer]

Make MSK give up the list of clubs, so you can pick and choose where we hang out on Saturday.

WN
(Who, according to auntie em, looks like a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic. Hint to ae: underneath, those animatronics are Stainless steel, baby!) ;)

MagicalSilverKey

04-12-2002, 12:14 AM

Here's the list:

The State Theater:
This is the local meat market. They play mostly R&B, Hip Hop, and Rap. There are a lot of hotties there, but most of them seem to be looking for black men. (No offense intended if you are black.) The building is cool, but I personally hate this place. It's the "no-brainer" club. People go here to get totally bombed, dance like pagan animals in heat, and have cheap meaningless sex afterward, and never see or hear from one another again. The people here may as well all be "blow-up-dolls."
MSK's rating = D-

Heartland:
This the "fun" place. They play all kinds of music from 80's to techno, to hardrock. This place also often has at least two girls for every guy, on a Saturday night, which is Ladies Night. Friday is 80's night, if I recall correctly. I haven't been there in quite a while, so it may have changed. The crowd tends to be mostly college age, though. Tons of hotties, but if you're over 30, like me, your odds aren't ideal, age-wise, for hooking up.
MSK"s rating = B-

The Landing:
This is probably the most "laid back" of the clubs. The crowd tends to be more my age, late twenties and up. Music is pop, dance, or a live band. This place is cool cause it's on the river and has a huge deck overlooking it. Nice alternative (weather permitting) if you hate choking in a smoke infested prison. You can also find spots here to actually CONVERSE with women without being drowned by music.
MSK's rating = B

Club Bailamos:
I've never been there yet. It's rather popular, just because it's relatively new. I believe, this is a top 40 kind of place, as the local radio station often broadcasts live from there. Purportedly has good dance floor, is clean, and has killer martinis.
MSK's rating = incomplete

There are other popular places, that are just "hole in the wall" bars. They aren't as expensive, and have a reasonable amount of hotties. I usually end up at a "hole-in-the-wall" called Moondog's Pub. This place is okay, but there tend to be a lot of "regulars," so pickins can be slim.

Note: I don't know how much this matters, but I am a horrid dancer. Think "Elaine" from Seinfeld added with the enthusiasm of Ben Stein and that's me. lol I have to be really tanked to dance and not care.

I guess my main objective is to just have fun. If I score, great, if not, well at least I had fun by getting out.

ummm... yeahh...

04-12-2002, 08:19 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Here's the list:

The State Theater:
This is the local meat market. They play mostly R&B, Hip Hop, and Rap. There are a lot of hotties there, but most of them seem to be looking for black men. (No offense intended if you are black.) The building is cool, but I personally hate this place. It's the "no-brainer" club. People go here to get totally bombed, dance like pagan animals in heat, and have cheap meaningless sex afterward, and never see or hear from one another again. The people here may as well all be "blow-up-dolls."
MSK's rating = D-

Heartland:
This the "fun" place. They play all kinds of music from 80's to techno, to hardrock. This place also often has at least two girls for every guy, on a Saturday night, which is Ladies Night. Friday is 80's night, if I recall correctly. I haven't been there in quite a while, so it may have changed. The crowd tends to be mostly college age, though. Tons of hotties, but if you're over 30, like me, your odds aren't ideal, age-wise, for hooking up.
MSK"s rating = B-

The Landing:
This is probably the most "laid back" of the clubs. The crowd tends to be more my age, late twenties and up. Music is pop, dance, or a live band. This place is cool cause it's on the river and has a huge deck overlooking it. Nice alternative (weather permitting) if you hate choking in a smoke infested prison. You can also find spots here to actually CONVERSE with women without being drowned by music.
MSK's rating = B

Club Bailamos:
I've never been there yet. It's rather popular, just because it's relatively new. I believe, this is a top 40 kind of place, as the local radio station often broadcasts live from there. Purportedly has good dance floor, is clean, and has killer martinis.
MSK's rating = incomplete

There are other popular places, that are just "hole in the wall" bars. They aren't as expensive, and have a reasonable amount of hotties. I usually end up at a "hole-in-the-wall" called Moondog's Pub. This place is okay, but there tend to be a lot of "regulars," so pickins can be slim.

Note: I don't know how much this matters, but I am a horrid dancer. Think "Elaine" from Seinfeld added with the enthusiasm of Ben Stein and that's me. lol I have to be really tanked to dance and not care.

I guess my main objective is to just have fun. If I score, great, if not, well at least I had fun by getting out.

It seems to me like you're not the type of guy that likes clubs too much (I can't stand them). Why pick up a girl there? I mean, chances are you wouldn't have much in common right? If you're just looking for some action then that's one thing. But I think you are maybe looking for some committment, in which case I would advise a different locale. Such as a coffee shop, park etc. And just be yourself. A woman will be much more impressed with an original than a dime-a-dozen "clubber" who can't keep the beat! Anyone got my back?

trishdish

04-12-2002, 09:04 AM

I'm voting for The Landing. And a big thumbs down to that first club!

Oh and I think you should still go out to a club - if only because you might meet a woman who also isn't into the club scene but just like you, begrudingly went out that night because she knew it would be a way to meet someone. Someone like you, perhaps.

MagicalSilverKey

04-12-2002, 10:20 AM

Originally posted by ummm... yeahh...

It seems to me like you're not the type of guy that likes clubs too much (I can't stand them). Why pick up a girl there? I mean, chances are you wouldn't have much in common right? If you're just looking for some action then that's one thing. But I think you are maybe looking for some committment, in which case I would advise a different locale. Such as a coffee shop, park etc. And just be yourself. A woman will be much more impressed with an original than a dime-a-dozen "clubber" who can't keep the beat! Anyone got my back?

Well, you're right. I'm not a clubber, and I don't really enjoy going to them a great deal. Sometimes it's fun just be out and watch how it all works, but I usually stay away from those places.

I practically live in Barnes & Noble and with the weather improving, I will be spending a good deal of time, walking my dog in the park. I walked the dog just yesterday, as a matter of fact. It's kinda funny because there was one woman who jogging and we crossed paths three times, and she said "Hi" to me each time, but she didn't slow down or stop. I said "Hi" back. She was cute, but I don't think she was flirting.

MagicalSilverKey

04-12-2002, 10:43 AM

Originally posted by trishdish
I'm voting for The Landing. And a big thumbs down to that first club!

Oh and I think you should still go out to a club - if only because you might meet a woman who also isn't into the club scene but just like you, begrudingly went out that night because she knew it would be a way to meet someone. Someone like you, perhaps.

Good point, trish, but my odds of that are possibly quite slim. I do get uncomfortable in clubs because, frankly, there's too much pressure and expectations. Face it, most of the people are there for two reasons: get drunk, get laid. I'm not much of a drinker and a drunk woman is a huge turn OFF for me. Of course I'd love to get laid, but I don't want just a one night stand either. I'm more of a "stand as long you both can" type. lol.

I'm not looking for anything super serious, right off the bat. I guess what I really desire is someone who is equally open to both, developing a potential partnership and a roll in the hay. :D I suppose that can be a lot to ask, but that is what have to offer someone else. I realize that's kind of awkward. I'm just saying that I do not want someone who is just a "f$#@ buddy." If that's all I wanted, I'd have one of those already.

I tend to be the hopeless romantic type. You know the story... saw each other across a crowded room, love at first sight, make wild monkey love a few hours later, fall madly in love and next thing you know, are married and having kids. lol sigh :o

I am rambling. sorry. Trish, auntie, any advice to offer on what I just said?

auntie em

04-12-2002, 12:21 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey

How about we trim that title down to just "The T&A Show" ;) Obviously trish will be providing the "T" in two ways: by name & by cleavage. ;)

Auntie em - you up for providing the "A" ? :D
I will be more than happy to provide the "A". In fact, I keep eating like I have been (see "Tapeworm" thread), I'll be providing more "A" than anybody wants!

Though Lord knows I ain't got the "T" to balance it out....

auntie em

04-12-2002, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
I tend to be the hopeless romantic type. You know the story... saw each other across a crowded room, love at first sight, make wild monkey love a few hours later, fall madly in love and next thing you know, are married and having kids. lol sigh :o

I am rambling. sorry. Trish, auntie, any advice to offer on what I just said?

I second the vote for The Landing. In my old age, I have less and less patience for bars that are too loud for you to talk to someone (and I'm all for sitting outside in this weather!). I am, of course, assuming you'd like to have a conversation at some point between the meeting of eyes and the wild monkey love.... ;)

My only other advice is an echo of trishdish's Pop Psych lesson: Don't write someone off if she fails to elicit instant crotch sparks (aka "love at first sight"), and don't make the situation too intense by bringing up the subject of children too soon if she DOES instantly float your boat.

Also, if you're worried about getting tongue-tied, perhaps think of interesting things to ask the ladies in advance (see IMHO archives for ideas). Also, as a failsafe, maybe work out a signal with Wisest for if you start feeling tongue-tied. Like maybe when you tap your chest three times, he'll know to jump in with a "helper topic", like, "Did you know that MSK can fit his entire fist into his mouth?"

(Note: Do not demonstrate until the third date.)

Otherwise, HAVE FUN! Remember your T&A, and keep us posted! :D

Wisest Novel

04-12-2002, 01:42 PM

Just so you know, MSK and I are even now conspiring on strategic matters in IM. We're noting your votes for where to go (leaning toward a B&N/Fridays/Landing marathon), and polishing up MSK's routines. Although I didnt think much of that fighter pilot thing that jcmckaig linked at the time, I'm beginning to identify with the "kamikazee" role. Ol' MSK deserves a good time. No, I take that back. He deserves hot monkey sex and seven children, but I can only do so much on my way through town.

Oh, and auntie em, I love you. Deeply and madly. "Crotch sparks" nearly gave me a coronary!

auntie em

04-12-2002, 02:13 PM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
Oh, and auntie em, I love you. Deeply and madly. "Crotch sparks" nearly gave me a coronary!
You love me because I nearly killed you? That's a new one. ;)

But if that's true, tell MSK in your next IM that auntie em found love without even leaving her desk, so he should do fine at The Landing! :D

Urban Ranger

04-13-2002, 11:20 AM

MSK

It appears that you are trying desperately to "acquire" a date. That's a bad turn-off. Women avoid desperate men like the plague.

You must first rid yourself of desperation and build up your own confidence. Nobody can help you here. You must have the determination to bring about some changes in your own character.

If you are not comfortable in, eh, chatting up women you don't know, that's fine. There are more than one way to skin a cat. Joining an organisation, club, or society will be of great help. If you have hobby or interst, join a club for that. You'll meet people that are gauranteed to have something in common with you. In the exceptional case that you do not have a hobby, that's fine too. Choose some sort of hobby that you wish to pursue and join a class or a club for that. Works pretty well.

Or if you prefer, joining a volunteer organisation is proably the best way to go. You get to build up your own confidence through helping people, and you get to meet a lot of nice people along the way.

elfkin477

04-13-2002, 04:33 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Frink

MSK, actually bookstores like Barnes & Noble are great places for meeting people! And don't let girls who are "studying" intimidate you. 9 times out of 10, they are there to meet people too. I mean, come on--if they really wanted to focus on their material with no interuptions, they wouldn't come to a crowded bookstore cafe! They would study at home, or in a library! So, I say--give it a try! You'll have an easy way to start the conversation--just glance at the textbook, and then make a comment on the subject.

This has got to be a regional thing. A group of friends and I discussed this a couple of summers ago. We were talking about all the lame suggestions we've gotten about going to places to meet guys. Bookstores specifically came up, because we'd all heard that lots of time, and only one of us (out of 7) had ever been approached by a guy in a bookstore- and she said he just did to share the details of his mental illness, which is something like schizophrenia, but less severe. However, people up here are very "private" (to put it diplomatically) so maybe that's the difference.

handy

04-14-2002, 11:39 AM

Well, I don't think I would approach a woman reading a book, 'How to Cure Your Schizophrenia At Home
in Your Spare Time.'

Best prop for me is a sign language interpreter. Women come up & ask where they can learn sign
language.

MagicalSilverKey

04-14-2002, 06:44 PM

Wisest Novel and I met up Saturday night. This was my first time for ever meeting a fellow Doper, in person. He's a cool guy and I'm really glad to have met him. Much thanks, to Wisest, for stopping by. :cool:

It's rather silly that I haven't met anyone, from the SDMB, until now. I have been perusing and interacting on the SDMB since I first heard about it via The Straight Dope (on TV) That's a long time ago! The MB was still on AOL. I have always wanted to go to a Dopefest but things just never seem to work out. Enough hijacking about that, though.

We decided to go The Landing first. It was okay, as I ran into two ladies that I am somewhat acquainted with. The first one, was one of the gals who hangs out at my "regular" bar, TGIFridays. I took the initiative to go talk her, on my own. I introduced Wisest, also. Our conversation was brief, but that was ok because the music was too loud to hear much dialogue anyway.

Score one point for ole MSK for being spontaneous and outgoing.

I happened to recognize a second woman at The Landing, that I knew. She works with my mom and they are pretty good friends. I went and said "Hi" and chatted a few minutes with her and that was it.

Score a second point for ole MSK for being spontaneous and outgoing, again.

At this point, Wisest and I were getting a tad bored with The Landing. The outdoor deck was not yet open for the season, which was the biggest letdown, there. The place is pretty small when you are limited to just the indoor section. I ,then, suggested we go downtown South Bend to the bigger club, Heartland.

When we first went into Heartland there didn't seem to be much of a crowd, but around the stroke of midnight the place was packed! As I said before, Saturday is Ladies' Night at this club, so there was about 4-women-to-1-man ratio. I'm sure Wisest will agree with me on that. I believe he will also agree that my initial run-down of the local club scene was right on the money. Heartland was primarly the college-age-crowd, whereas The Landing was more 30's- and up crowd.

I have to admit, the age difference was a bit of an intimidation factor at Heartland. Wisest and I both felt a wee bit peculiar. I only talked to one girl at this club. She was really cute, and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of her.

She took notice and cordially said something to me, "Hey guy what's up?"

I replied, "Nothing, just hanging out. How about you?"

She said, "Oh. Well, I noticed you kept staring at me, so I just wondered what was up."

...and that was it. I tried to introduce myself, but she appeared to have assumed I wasn't interested enough, gave me the cold shoulder, and went back to her friends. I kinda blew it. :o When she initially addressed me, instead of just "going-with-the-flow," I became tongue-tied and shellshocked.
Score strike one for ole MSK for getting cold feet and putting them both into his mouth.
There was one other woman at Heartland I was going to try to talk to, but I didn't do anything, and never even got to say hi.
Score strike two for ole MSK.

At this point, I just said to hell with it, and went and danced by myself for awhile. :eek: Imagine that, me dancing! LOL but I did. I rarely ever dance.

So, in summary: I broke even, 2W / 2L. I maintained the attitude that this night would be strictly "practice," fun, and no regrets. I honestly can say I have no regrets about last night. I would have had some regrets if I had done absolutely nothing. But, I talked to 3 people, and danced, and had fun, and met my first Doper. The night was one of the few, where I just took a huge chunk of my shyness and threw it right out the freaking window. Hopefully, I can learn to do so more often.

Thanks again, Wisest. Having a buddy around really does help. Now if only I had a buddy locally. :rolleyes:

MagicalSilverKey

04-14-2002, 07:04 PM

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
MSK

It appears that you are trying desperately to "acquire" a date. That's a bad turn-off. Women avoid desperate men like the plague.

You must first rid yourself of desperation and build up your own confidence. Nobody can help you here. You must have the determination to bring about some changes in your own character.

If you are not comfortable in, eh, chatting up women you don't know, that's fine. There are more than one way to skin a cat. Joining an organisation, club, or society will be of great help. If you have hobby or interst, join a club for that. You'll meet people that are gauranteed to have something in common with you. In the exceptional case that you do not have a hobby, that's fine too. Choose some sort of hobby that you wish to pursue and join a class or a club for that. Works pretty well.

Or if you prefer, joining a volunteer organisation is proably the best way to go. You get to build up your own confidence through helping people, and you get to meet a lot of nice people along the way.

You make some very valid points and have some good suggestions.

However, there is a touch of hypocrisy in the cliche attitude of "It happens when you least expect it." and the similar "Stop looking, and then you'll find someone or they will find you."

If everyone truly believed and utilized the "stop looking" cliche, then no one would get involved with anyone at all. John Doe would not ask Mary Jane, whom he works with at the office, to join him for lunch, or see a movie after work etc etc. If one is truly not looking, then one doesn't make any attempt to interact. There is no thing as "just friends." I'm a believer of the "When Harry Met Sally" philosophy.

Feel free to correct me if I am erroneous, but that is my humble opinion.

Urban Ranger

04-14-2002, 11:33 PM

MSK,

There are all sorts of interpretations of what "stop looking" actually entails. Perhaps one may construed it as "stop looking at the wrong places" or "stop looking so hard."

I wasn't suggesting you to completely stop taking chances if opportunities arise. It just seems that you are desperate, and a desperate person often has his judgement clouded. You are desperate maybe because you are lonely, or maybe because you are bored. Neither of these are good reasons for looking for a SO. You have this hole in your heart and you want somebody to fill it. I think it's a very selfish motive. I am sorry if I come across to be harsh or unsympathetic, doing so will get yourself hurt emotionally - or maybe even hurt in other ways - a lot more often than not.

The best way of breaking the bind you are in now, IMHO, is to either pick up a hobby or become a volunteer, or maybe both. A hobby is not merely a form of distraction, but a good way of building up self-confidence by being successful. Volunteering is also excellent. The women you'll meet will be compassionate and big-hearted. These are excellent character traits to have in a mate.

MagicalSilverKey

04-15-2002, 12:48 AM

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
MSK,

There are all sorts of interpretations of what "stop looking" actually entails. Perhaps one may construed it as "stop looking at the wrong places" or "stop looking so hard."

I wasn't suggesting you to completely stop taking chances if opportunities arise. It just seems that you are desperate, and a desperate person often has his judgement clouded. You are desperate maybe because you are lonely, or maybe because you are bored. Neither of these are good reasons for looking for a SO. You have this hole in your heart and you want somebody to fill it. I think it's a very selfish motive. I am sorry if I come across to be harsh or unsympathetic, doing so will get yourself hurt emotionally - or maybe even hurt in other ways - a lot more often than not.

The best way of breaking the bind you are in now, IMHO, is to either pick up a hobby or become a volunteer, or maybe both. A hobby is not merely a form of distraction, but a good way of building up self-confidence by being successful. Volunteering is also excellent. The women you'll meet will be compassionate and big-hearted. These are excellent character traits to have in a mate.

Urban, I may come across on here as appearing desperate, and admittedly there is an element of truth to that. However, in "real-life" things are much different than they appear in here.

In real-life, I am shy, even when I am feeling most confident. That is an oxymoron statement, but nevertheless accurate. Shyness is not just a matter of one being insecure. Shyness encompasses everything from embarassment to elation, and humilation to respect. Ever see someone blush when they receive a compliment? Shyness doesn't have to be a negative.

In "real-life" I am anything BUT trying too hard. If anything, I am looking in the wrong places, and there is a very real factor of regional availibility. In my locale, it's very difficult to find available people within my age range, no matter where you may look, be it the grocery store, the bar, or church. People who are not familiar with my region often think I am exaggerating, but unfortunately, I am not. I wish I were.

Am I lonely? Yes. Am I bored? Yes. Are these the main reasons I desire a mate? No. They are a very small part of the big picture. The big picture is, that I feel I have had plenty of "me" time. I am satisfied with what I can, and have done for myself. I am jaded of having nothing but "me" time. I would like to be able share and give to someone, and have the same in return. It's called reciprocation. I'm not driving down a one-way street. I want to learn about someone else, invest interest in them, and what makes them tick.

Wisest Novel

04-15-2002, 02:12 AM

For those of you still keeping up with this thread, I have a few things to say.

As MSK himself relates, we did indeed get together Saturday night. I have observations, theories, and admissions.

This is a good place for a brief backstory. I'm a single dad, and not looking for a partner ATT. But I'm older, if not wiser (no screen name cracks, please, that's a whole other <nonexistent> thread) than MSK by a few years. I have only been to a dance club one other time, and that with a 20-ish gal I've been friends with for a long time. It was an Alien Experience, but we had a blast together. Little blues bars are what I go into in the rare times I'm sans ursa.

Admission: I was terribly late. I originally told MSK I'd be there late afternoon, and we could start at a bookstore because the thread suggested it, and because my daughter always needs books, but never more than when she visits Mom.

So I get to Mishawaka--which I somehow keep referring to as Mishakawa, which, I keep getting reminded by wiseasses, is in Japan--about 10:30PM.

Observations: If you've never been there, Mishawhatever is a true Heartland city: the club ain't the only place there with that name. They may be the last really big city to have a "cruising strip" blocking traffic. I saw an auto repair place with "It's time to winterize your car" on the sign, so people don't get in a big hurry there. It could have just been me, but there seemed to be an awful lot of topless bars and churches, too. Oh, and Best Name for an Adult Bookstore goes to 'The Playhouse Museum." Museum?

About my tardiness: My own nature sees that as a plus, since MSK had said he wanted to hit dance clubs, and they don't ususally pick up until later. But I could tell he was masking disappointment.

I meet MSK, and about the first thing I ask is to see the Key. So, for now, I'm the only other Doper to have actually seen and touched the actual relic. If you haven't read that story, it's a good one that I'm sure he's linked to before. If not, it's in one of the "name" threads.

MSK is a very cool and interesting fellow. On one hand, he's an excellent natural artist. He showed me some portfolios, and if I were any judge, I'd say he's a near-dead-eye on form, with good ability to evoke emotion. But I'm not, so I won't. ;) On the other hand, MSK is naturally very shy. Extremely shy. As he said above, he's the kind of guy who tends to clam up in the presence of pretty women.

MSK did an accurate job of recounting the night, so I won't repeat it except where I have something to add.

The Landing: They deserve The Pit for not opening the outdoor deck. It was wicked cool, looking down on the river that runs through town, and would have provided 100x more atmosphere than the overcrowded, overheated din inside. I did my best to help things along, but I'm afraid the noise prevented a lot of interaction.

Heartland: Most every man can relate to the idea of seeing an attractive and provocatively-dressed gal, only to see her turn and realize to their horror that the "woman" in question is just a BABY. Pack a hundred of those into one room, and you have Heartland. I spent a great deal of our time there searching for gals who wouldn't trip my "pervert alarm." There weren't many. MSK did his best with very little help from his wingman, which made me proud in an odd way.

Observations: MSK hasn't heard any of my ruminations until now, because I needed time to try to separate my observations from my biases.

1. I cannot conceive of a more hostile environment for someone like MSK than a dance club like the ones we attended. I observed very little interaction among any pairs other than obvious acquaintances and co-arrivals. Add the noise and the age difference, and it's a recipie for frustration.

2. I disagree with MSK that his location hampers his ability to date. I have lived in 17 states--in big cities and small towns--and have yet to be in a place where the locals don't complain about the lack of things to do. On my way into Mishawaka, I stopped at the Meijer grocery store (they pronounce it "Meyer") for cash and gas. Needing directions, I passed up the bored Meijer clones and zeroed in on the first pretty and animated gal I saw. It turned out she didn't even work there, but we talked for about 10 minutes anyway1. So I dispute the "there ain't any gals" theory.

3. On that thought, I think the posters who recommended a club or volunteer work were on the right track. Being an artist, MSK doesn't meet many people in the course of his work, so he needs more outlets for interaction. I know he's a better researcher than I, so I won't post any links to cool-sounding clubs, but they're out there. I looked.

4. To back up Urban Ranger and some others without taking away from MSK's frustration, I'd second the notion that patience is an unavoidable necessity. The hell of it is, it's a catch-22. The longer you're lonely, the easier it is to get desperate. And that, unfortuantely, tends to communicate itself. I was alone for years after Bear's Mom left, and eventually met a woman in the most unlikeliest, male-dominated arena imaginable.

On DopeFests: I don't think Persephone will mind me stealing one of her lines.
Single Doper Ladies: If you CAN meet Magical Silver Key, DO meet Magical Silver Key!
He's intelligent, tall, and a heckuva guy. Although I'm not qualified to give him a "hot" label, I recommend you talk him into attending a DopeFest so you can get to know him.

MSK: Thanks for the comaraderie. If things work out for a DopeFest at Casa Mejor, I don't want to hear any excuses.

1 Her name was Valerie.

auntie em

04-15-2002, 09:29 AM

Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey
Am I lonely? Yes. Am I bored? Yes. Are these the main reasons I desire a mate? No. They are a very small part of the big picture. The big picture is, that I feel I have had plenty of "me" time. I am satisfied with what I can, and have done for myself. I am jaded of having nothing but "me" time. I would like to be able share and give to someone, and have the same in return. It's called reciprocation. I'm not driving down a one-way street. I want to learn about someone else, invest interest in them, and what makes them tick.

Truth is, MSK, single folks can't win. While I agree with Urban Ranger in that people can smell desperation a mile away, I also give you major kudos for getting out there and trying to take control of the situation (especially being as shy as you are), if it's not one with which you are satisfied.

Me, I'm on the other end of the spectrum (maybe). I AM one of those people who's not particularly "looking", because I am quite happy being single (now, if that mechanic happens to take notice of me in my zebra-print skirt tomorrow, all bets are off :D)...

...and people have something to say about that, too. They wonder WHY I'm not looking (a closeted lesbian, perhaps?). They chafe when I turn down their offers/attempts to fix me up. Hell, a couple of my friends even suggested that I should stop hanging out with my pseudo-kid (long story) because, although he is only 15, he LOOKS older (and I still get carded routinely at 32 :D), and sometimes people think we're "together".

So it has been suggested to me more than once that the kid is "cramping my style", that I should kick him to the curb, because what if a single guy spotted us in the grocery store and--*gasp!!*--didn't make his move, assuming I was "taken" by this dirty little dread-locked kid with his pants around his knees?

I figure that what would really cramp my style would be to avoid hanging out with people I enjoy, just in case some single guy I don't even know (and might not even like) might be looking. Not to mention the fact that I have several other male friends... should I avoid being seen with them in public, too, just so Mr. Right knows I'm available?

But I digress.

Point is, whether you're single and actively looking, or single and happily cruising the produce aisle with a stinky little boy, people will have something to say.

Ya just gotta keep doing what works for you.

And it sounds like you got off to a good start this weekend...

MagicalSilverKey

04-15-2002, 11:25 AM

Originally posted by Wisest Novel
1. I cannot conceive of a more hostile environment for someone like MSK than a dance club like the ones we attended. I observed very little interaction among any pairs other than obvious acquaintances and co-arrivals. Add the noise and the age difference, and it's a recipie for frustration.

Well, I have to completely agree with his observation. If Wisest thought the two places we did go to were "cold" on the interaction meter, he would have hated The State Theater with a flaming passion, as I do. Everyone in that place are even more automatonic.

2. I disagree with MSK that his location hampers his ability to date. I have lived in 17 states--in big cities and small towns--and have yet to be in a place where the locals don't complain about the lack of things to do. On my way into Mishawaka, I stopped at the Meijer grocery store (they pronounce it "Meyer") for cash and gas. Needing directions, I passed up the bored Meijer clones and zeroed in on the first pretty and animated gal I saw. It turned out she didn't even work there, but we talked for about 10 minutes anyway1. So I dispute the "there ain't any gals" theory.

Hmmm. Wisest is obviously taking the optimistic view. I'm not quite sure how to respond to this.

On one hand, there's the factor of living in a major college town. We have at least a dozen major colleges here. Notre Dame, St. Marys, Holy Cross, Bethel College, IVY Tech, Indiana University, etc etc. This is where all of young'ns in nightclubs and bars come from. You know those crazy college kids, all wanna party. The college crowd is pretty ubiquitous most other non-party places, as well.

On the other hand, I will say he does make a point. The types of women I admire are usually the ones I see in the bookstores, or a big store like Meijer. Ironically, I have to admit that Meijer is my favortive place to scope out the babes. I always say to myself, "I need a bigger cart" when I see a lot of pretty women there. :D The reason I say Wisest is being optimistic, is because he found one lady. One, out of how many my age, are out there, in this locale? All it takes is one, however, this is the "searching for a needle in a haystack" cliche. I was thinking about this very thing before I even got to read his comment. If I want to meet people my age, who are single, I'm going to have to really put myself out there. In as many ways as possible. It could take a long time, as well. They are out there, it's just a matter of finding them, and that aint easy. Finding college girls here is like fishing in a barrel full of fish. Finding single women over 28 is like fishing for sardines in lake Michigan.

I suppose the major problem of me not being "out there" enough, is a lack of finances. I am unemployed. Looks like finding some type of work is going to be a must, and a given, if I want to do anything else. In regards to volunteer work, I am obviously not an extrovert. Volunteer work usually is very people-oriented. I don't know how well something like that would work out for me. For those who do not know, I do have a form of social anxiety disorder. I felt it was TMI to point this out, until now. I don't want to use my problem as an excuse. S.A.D. makes things more complicated, but I have been working on beating this problem, for a long time. I have had it my whole life and change doesn't happen overnight. I have done a lot of things, specifically in the past year and a half, which I never would have done before. Saturday night, with Wisest, was one of them.

One other thing, which may be hindering my progress is: I know exactly what I desire in a mate. Therefore, I may be narrowing the field a bit too much. Choosing which desires to keep, and which to put aside, is not easy. I don't want to "just settle" but I can easily be too specific, as well.

A few minor notes....

but there seemed to be an awful lot of topless bars and churches, too. Oh, and Best Name for an Adult Bookstore goes to 'The Playhouse Museum." Museum?

Minor correction, that is Pleasureland Museum lol.
There aren't any titty bars in Mishawaka, but there are plenty in downtown South Bend. ;)

About my tardiness: My own nature sees that as a plus, since MSK had said he wanted to hit dance clubs, and they don't ususally pick up until later. But I could tell he was masking disappointment.

I don't hold the delay against you, Wisest. Unfortunately, there is very litttle else to do after 10 pm around here. Unless you like wandering around 24 hr stores like Walmart and Meijer, that late. ;)

The only "night life" we have here is bars, bowling, and a few all-night restaurants, and stores like Walmart :rolleyes: Once in a while you can catch a movie after 10pm, but they usually run the last shows circa 9:00 - 9:45pm. Movies aren't ideal for meeting people anyways, because you cant talk! If things would have worked out for us, earlier in the day, we would have had a ton of options. It's okay though, as I have no regrets.