Monty
04-22-2002, 07:47 PM
In another thread in the inestimable BBQ Pit, a Mysterious Intelligence (not going to name it because every cult needs a mystery) posted:
NEWS flash!
Lame teaser. Quite reminiscent of Junior High School newspaper wannabe reporters. By this, I don't mean those who work on Junior High School newspapers, but rather those who merely wish they had the same skill as the weakest Junior High School newspaper reporter on the planet.
Researchers have just uncovered a new cult called the Monty movement.
Unnamed researchers and the group to which they belong also remains unnamed. This is quite reminiscent of FOAF lore. Or it could be a rival cult spreading tales.
Researchers indicate that this cult should be one given great concern.
No indication of by whom this concern should be given.
Members of the cult have shown great childishness, and may hurt themselves, others, or simply may not share their toys.
The Monty movement, is commonly confused with the bowl movement because both are lead by a loud noise and followed by a lot of hot, smelly air and both result in a pile of useless crap.
Beware of cults!
Now, let's see what ceremonies, rites, and big time partying we should have.
It's been posited by the aforementioned Mysterious Intelligence1 that the Monty Movement2 should be given great concern. Personally, as the titular head of said movement, I'd prefer to have no concerns. I've enough worries at the moment. But, the Movement's Mantle is obviously upon me.
Members of the cult have shown great childishness, and may hurt themselves, others, or simply may not share their toys.
Since none of the purported members of the Movement has shown any childishness, nor have they hurt themselves (or anyone else for that matter), evidently the biggest concern is that we're not sharing our toys. Actually, as far as the MI is concerned, it's only one toy we appear to not share with said MI. That toy is Critical Thinking.3
The Monty movement, is commonly confused with the bowl movement
Oh, no! There's another improved cult trying to horn in on our territory! Yet another member of the Movement has posited that this other movement has something to do with moving dinnerware via telekinesis.4
because both are lead by a loud noise and followed by a lot of hot, smelly air and both result in a pile of useless crap.
The loud noise could be anything which calls attention to the Minions of the Monty Movement. Seeing as this noise has something to do with metal (turning things into lead, perhaps?), it must be some sort of gong. The only pile of useless crap that keeps turning up in the wake of the Movement is the aforementioned MI.
Beware of cults!
Definition, please.5
Okay, let's see what we have so far:
[list=a] An altar on which at least a bowl is placed. This bowl may or may not move; however, if it does move, it must be moved via telekinesis. We'll deal with the theological damage a movement caused by an earthquake will have. Remember, this is California, after all!
Ceremonial toys. At least one of which should be a recent and reputable textbook in one of the following subjects: Critical Thinking, Speech, Debate, or Logic.
A gong or other device, not a bowl [see above], which may be struck so as to summon the Minions to the Mustering of the Movement.
The most important quality of a member is to be both LDS and not LDS at the same time.
The big time partying for those of us who still imbibe will be along the lines of http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63901&highlight=drinking+AND+game[/list=a]
I'll leave the rules revision and modification to my followers.6
p.s. Don't forget about the dues. AFAIC, merely reading the MI's postings qualifies as extremely expensive.
____________
1I say mysterious intelligence because it's mysterious to me if said individual has any.
2I've taken the liberty of rationalizing the spelling of the MI.
3I see here a possible rift, a schism if you will, in the Movement. I attempted to share the Holy Toy of Critical Thinking with the MI. Another member posited that it was a waste of time to so do. His contention was that the MI could not think critically as the MI lacks the ability to think.
4Yet another rift in the making. I've consistently held that telekinesis isn't possible.
5One definition and only one per word please. Remember, we're attempting to keep our followers in thrall. I prefer enthralled but you have to let the enemy...er, some folks get some entertainment out of the ceremony.
6Of course I get the final approval on any rule, revision, bylaw, ceremony, or rite. It's a cult after all! And, as a cult leader, I shall, of course, claim that any revisions are not only mine but are also the original and only version of the Movement's Missives.
NEWS flash!
Lame teaser. Quite reminiscent of Junior High School newspaper wannabe reporters. By this, I don't mean those who work on Junior High School newspapers, but rather those who merely wish they had the same skill as the weakest Junior High School newspaper reporter on the planet.
Researchers have just uncovered a new cult called the Monty movement.
Unnamed researchers and the group to which they belong also remains unnamed. This is quite reminiscent of FOAF lore. Or it could be a rival cult spreading tales.
Researchers indicate that this cult should be one given great concern.
No indication of by whom this concern should be given.
Members of the cult have shown great childishness, and may hurt themselves, others, or simply may not share their toys.
The Monty movement, is commonly confused with the bowl movement because both are lead by a loud noise and followed by a lot of hot, smelly air and both result in a pile of useless crap.
Beware of cults!
Now, let's see what ceremonies, rites, and big time partying we should have.
It's been posited by the aforementioned Mysterious Intelligence1 that the Monty Movement2 should be given great concern. Personally, as the titular head of said movement, I'd prefer to have no concerns. I've enough worries at the moment. But, the Movement's Mantle is obviously upon me.
Members of the cult have shown great childishness, and may hurt themselves, others, or simply may not share their toys.
Since none of the purported members of the Movement has shown any childishness, nor have they hurt themselves (or anyone else for that matter), evidently the biggest concern is that we're not sharing our toys. Actually, as far as the MI is concerned, it's only one toy we appear to not share with said MI. That toy is Critical Thinking.3
The Monty movement, is commonly confused with the bowl movement
Oh, no! There's another improved cult trying to horn in on our territory! Yet another member of the Movement has posited that this other movement has something to do with moving dinnerware via telekinesis.4
because both are lead by a loud noise and followed by a lot of hot, smelly air and both result in a pile of useless crap.
The loud noise could be anything which calls attention to the Minions of the Monty Movement. Seeing as this noise has something to do with metal (turning things into lead, perhaps?), it must be some sort of gong. The only pile of useless crap that keeps turning up in the wake of the Movement is the aforementioned MI.
Beware of cults!
Definition, please.5
Okay, let's see what we have so far:
[list=a] An altar on which at least a bowl is placed. This bowl may or may not move; however, if it does move, it must be moved via telekinesis. We'll deal with the theological damage a movement caused by an earthquake will have. Remember, this is California, after all!
Ceremonial toys. At least one of which should be a recent and reputable textbook in one of the following subjects: Critical Thinking, Speech, Debate, or Logic.
A gong or other device, not a bowl [see above], which may be struck so as to summon the Minions to the Mustering of the Movement.
The most important quality of a member is to be both LDS and not LDS at the same time.
The big time partying for those of us who still imbibe will be along the lines of http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63901&highlight=drinking+AND+game[/list=a]
I'll leave the rules revision and modification to my followers.6
p.s. Don't forget about the dues. AFAIC, merely reading the MI's postings qualifies as extremely expensive.
____________
1I say mysterious intelligence because it's mysterious to me if said individual has any.
2I've taken the liberty of rationalizing the spelling of the MI.
3I see here a possible rift, a schism if you will, in the Movement. I attempted to share the Holy Toy of Critical Thinking with the MI. Another member posited that it was a waste of time to so do. His contention was that the MI could not think critically as the MI lacks the ability to think.
4Yet another rift in the making. I've consistently held that telekinesis isn't possible.
5One definition and only one per word please. Remember, we're attempting to keep our followers in thrall. I prefer enthralled but you have to let the enemy...er, some folks get some entertainment out of the ceremony.
6Of course I get the final approval on any rule, revision, bylaw, ceremony, or rite. It's a cult after all! And, as a cult leader, I shall, of course, claim that any revisions are not only mine but are also the original and only version of the Movement's Missives.