The Scylla theory, the toddler test

[Scylla]

After two years on this board conducting a secret sociological study for unnamed government agencies, and performing experiments of all of you for the sake of those studies, ** I have reached conclusions concerning the forums known as Great Debates, and The BBQ Pit.

The free exchange of information has made us all experts in things we know nothing about. Ready access of vast quantities of information on all subjects has left us overeducated and underinformed.

We have immediate access to everything but the wisdom that comes from experience and expertise.

We are toddlers paddling about in our water wings in the ocean of knowledge pretending we're going somewhere.

My conclusion is that in order to find truth, knowledge, beauty, understanding and all that shit we need to embrace this toddlerhood.


Try this in Great Debates:

Pretend you are a three year old. Explain your point from the vocabulary and grammar of a three year old.

If you can do this, and it still makes sense, you probably have a valid argument worthy of further debate.

If you cannot, the you are full of shit.




Try this in the PIT:

Pretend you are a three year old. Now explain your grievance the way a three year old would to his Mommy.

Does your grievance still sound pretty horrible?

If it does, it's probably valid.


Or, are you just whining for a lollipop and a hug (not that there's anything wrong with that.)


You can also use this on your opponents.


For example:

George Bush is doing it all wrong, and he won't share.

or

Mommy, he took my Florida!

Seems as if it accurately somes up half the poltical threads I've seen here over the last year.

I don't mean to pick on Democrats. Clearly it works both ways.


Try applying the toddler test to the next debate or argument you're in.

It's a good way to remember which side of the diaper holds the poop.





**Just wondering if there's anybody around here who remembers the first time that cropped up, and do you still tremble at the thought?

[Scarlett67]

Scylla is a poo-poo head!

[Jack Batty]

I can go you one better -- I listen with the mind of a three year old.

I haven't understood a goddamned thing anybody has said on this board in almost two years.
Doesn't stop me from posting, though.

[beagledave]

If this means that I have to start watching The Wiggles (http://www.thewiggles.com.au/), then I'm afraid that I will have to kick your candied ass back to the stone age my friend.

[jane_says]

I think most people act like a bunch of spoiled, whiny three-year-olds in the Pit anyway. No sense encouraging it.


And bringing up those creepy-ass Wiggles is unforgivable. Ick.

[jane_says]

Um, who put those little numbers up there?

[Jack Batty]

The Illuminati Overlords, of course.


Best not to ask questions.

[swampbear]

The Illuminati Overlords

BAND NAME!

I'm buzzed right now. I think I will be embarrassed as hell if I look up this thread tomorrow. Or maybe not.

[Jack Batty]

Hey ... you and me both, swampy. I'm totally gooned on Tylenol Cold and Flu Tablets.

And it appears as though my entries have gone from blatant Dennis Miller rip-offs to blatant Sluggy Freelance rip-offs.



Let me check my notes.

[Narile]

Ok, Scylla, Time out for you. Go to your room, and no leaving until you clean up your mess.

[Buck The Diver]

Pampers or Huggies?

Discuss.

[Rysdad]

Originally posted by Scylla
Explain your point from the vocabulary and grammar of a three year old.

Make me.

If you cannot, the you are full of shit.

I know you are, but what am I?

[kabbes]

Er... how many three year olds have a sound grasp of economics, politics, religion, logic, ...

Could be a tough test.

[jjimm]

Economics: I will trade you this lolly for a lick of your ice cream. If you take my lolly, that's not fair. If we all share everyone would be happy. But sometimes some people are mean, so we can't share it all.

Politics: Let's all choose who runs the playgroup. Sometimes bigger kids want to run it all by themselves. That's naughty.

Religion: There's a magic man in the sky that makes all the puppies and the kittens, and he even made you.

Logic: If I hit him and take his tonka toy, he will cry. He is crying. But that doesn't mean I hit him and took his tonka toy.

[Why A Duck]

Hello boys and girls.

Today we are going to talk about gun control.

Can you say "gun control"?

Good.

Mr. McPheely will be coming by shortly and he's going to bring his AK-47 in for us to play with.

Can you say "constitutionally protected"?

Good.

But first we're going to the neighborhood of make-believe, where nothing is real and everyone is a puppet.

Can you say "GWB's energy policy"?

Good.

By gosh you're right Scylla, this is fun.

[Tranquilis]

OK let's do try gun control.

Bobby over there hurt people with his toy. Now Jane wants to take away my toy. I haven't hurt any one. That's not fair. Jimmy has a toy too, and Jane want's to take away Jimmy's toy, too. Jane is not fair to many people. I think Jane is mean.

Hey! It works!

[minty green]

Mommy! Jimmy just shot Jane, and I think she's DEAD!

[december]

Mommy! You took away Jimmy's cap gun! Now Jimmy and Jane are BOTH dead!

[elf6c]

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

Dang, channeled my inner Ralph Wiggam instead.

Oh well.

"It tastes like burning."

Heh heh heh, what were we talking about- I swear I have the attention span of a three year old. . . .

;)

-me

[minty green]

Mommy, why would Jimmy kill himself just because somebody took away his toy after he killed Jane with it?

[rjung]

Scallia cheated!
Bush is stupid!
Republicans are meanies!
Sharon and Arafat are fightin'! Make them do a time-out!
I wanna see "Spider-Man"!

Not bad, but not particularly deep...


Oh, and definitely Huggies. The adhesives on the Pampers are too strong -- once you close 'em, it's dang impossible to get them off for a last-second adjustment.

[Tranquilis]

Hee hee...!

Scylla's pet theory is just as susceptable to all the old behaviors as posting like adults was.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally posted by december
Mommy! You took away Jimmy's cap gun! Now Jimmy and Jane are BOTH dead!

Ahhhh, put a cork in it!

[Jimmy, who is constituntionally protected in his right to bear arms successfully sues his Mommy to have his cap gun rightfully returned to him. However, neither the NRA or ACLU or PETA could get Jimmy out of his permenant time out.]

[aenea]

Scylla,

Was that a Serlin reference?

Gaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh hell, I can't remember the name of that kid who was doing the socialogy experiment crap-o-la. I must be gettin' old.

[Chanteuse]

Originally posted by beagledave
If this means that I have to start watching The Wiggles (http://www.thewiggles.com.au/), then I'm afraid that I will have to kick your candied ass back to the stone age my friend.

AAAUUUUGGHHHHHH!!!!!! I HATE THOSE GUYS!!! They are really dorky and their outfits remind me of the old Star Trek uniforms. If I have to hear "Fruit Salad, yummy yummy" once more, I'll descend to the mental level of a one-year-old, and a three-year-old's opinion would seem terribly mature!! (My 7 yr. old loves them, of course.)

Scylla, all that aside, I think you have a point there! :cool:

[Annie-Xmas]

Mommy! Scylla wants me to eat some icky baby lambs and pigs and cows. I don't like icky baby lambs and pigs and cows.. I want veggies, buy Scylla says I can't have them till I eat the icky baby lambs and pigs and cows!

You're right. This is fun.

[Darwin's Finch]

Baby lambs and piggies and cows are not icky! You take that back!

It's only after you hack on them with a chainsaw that they get all icky.

And besides, spinach is gross.

[modro]

Mommy, the kids over on the other side of the playground came over and knocked our sandcastle over. They said a magic man in the sky they read about in a book said that we were evil because we had more toys, could wear shorts, and that we tried to keep them from fighting each other. They said the magic man in the sky is going to give them all kinds of lollipops and tootsie rolls for knocking our sandcastle over.

Wow, This IS fun

[UrbanChic]

But I don't wanna play with the fuel effecient Geo Metro Matchbox car! I wanna play with my Tonka Dumptruck!

[Smashed Ice Cream]

Mommy, just because I'm new at this skool all the cool kids won't play with me and they just sit around and talk about me to each other just becuz i said theyre clicking and i think they should all be my friends or i'll kick and scream and call everyone names then i'll tell them i'm just going home or to someone elses house to play and i shouldn't have to try to be their freind first because they just just all want to be my friend right away.

oh yeah and the teachers are nazis.

[BiblioCat]

Laws for Three-Year-Olds:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.


BiblioCat, Preschool Teacher
:)

[Shirley Ujest]

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanna watch (insert inappropriate cartoon here).

[Hazel]

"Mommie, he took my Florida!" LOL! I love it!

[Com2Kid]

Mommy why do all of those people down there like other gove'ment people who say they don't like them people? Why do they go an' keep on defenin what those govenmnt people say?

Ok not that good but. . . . ^_^

If I put my lollypop sticks wrap'd aroun'd this wire will the sound come out better?

(if anybody gets that one. . . . LOL)

[deball]

You better agree with me. My secret society can beat up your secret society! Whaahhh!

[Rixter1]

I like your toys...mine are all sticky!

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

I glued my head to my shoulder.

My parents won't let me use scissors.

My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have new one?

[Com2Kid]

So umm, when do we forward this thread to all middle eastern national leaders? :D

I think that Scylla might actualy have something here, LOL!

[High Deity]

Quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laws for Three-Year-Olds:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sounds like how we live anyway.

[Hoopy Frood]

My momy has teached me to read and rite, but I am not very gud yet. But today I did gud so she let me play on her compewtre today. She sed now that I am lurning to reed and rite, I kin lurn to use her compewtre. She duzent no that I use her ay oh el now. I go to some cites that gronups go to. Theres this wun cite I go to caled strate dop. It has funny peeple but also some menies. Sumetimes I heer bad words like daddy sez. These come from menies. I dont like meenies. Theres a kid who beats me and my frends up. Hes a meenie. I dont like him. Sum peeple on state dop be like meenie kid and beet up others. I dont like them eathr. Sumtimes unmeenies use bad words like daddy to but they dont be meenies all times unlike reel meenies.

I hop you engoy my storee. I write it with no help frum mommy or daddy.

[runforrestrun]

hmmm, we can send these painfully logical arguments to those camel jockeys when they stop being "butt heads, pee pee faces and poop heads." First, they have to grow up. Ahem!

[SlickRoenick]

Originally posted by Scylla
It's a good way to remember which side of the diaper holds the poop.

Anyone care to help me understand what that means exactly?

[Princhester]

Problem with this whole thing is what you end up with is shock jock talk back radio thinking.

For every complex problem, there is a simple, popular, easy-for-even-a-three-year-old to understand solution, which is wrong (to rephrase H.L. Mencken).