I am NOT answering the FUCKING door!

[scott evil]

So I'm sitting here, posting away, and there's a soft knock at my door. I usually don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone or delivery or whatever. It's happened that I've blindly answered the door and it's some sad-sack guy trying to sell me a subscription to a newspaper, so I feel bad for him and go through with it.

Another soft knock. I go to the peephole and stare through it for a few seconds. The guy goes back into his apartment. It's my next-door neighbor, whom I've never met.

No way am I answering the door looking like this. I'm wearing my dorky glasses from grade nine, pyjama bottoms, an old t-shirt, and my hair is a mess. On top of that, my apartment is the epitome of squallor at the moment.

So what the fuck did he want? A cup of flour? A cup of sugar? Fucking vanilla extract? My TV isn't on loud at all.

Two minutes later, knock knock knock. I go back to the peephole, but he's gone.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Now I'm a hostage here for the next couple of hours. I have a couple of things I have to leave the apartment to do, but now I'll have to wait.

Chalk it up to social phobia and a messy apartment.

- s.e.

[Mangetout]

There's only one way to find out what he wants...

[heptapod]

He probably wants sex.

[Slainte]

Originally posted by heptapod
He probably wants sex.

Sixteen Candles? :D

[bernse]

Wow. You're pretty damn shy, aren't you?

I don't like answering the door if I don't know who it is and I'm not expecting it but you know its your neighbor. Maybe he wants to invite you over for a beer or something...


Take a chance! Live for the moment! Open the door!! :)

[alice_in_wonderland]

Go an knock on HIS door and then run away. :D

[Morbo]

You're wrong about the front door - that knocking is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!! :eek:

You should open it - maybe it'll turn out to be the love of your life, and you can be whisked off to a romantic getaway somewhere, where horses cavort about on the beach, and... :p

[odd-socks]

I don't answer the door either unless I know who it is.

Although Dooku may have a point there... ;)

[scott evil]

Originally posted by Dooku
You should open it - maybe it'll turn out to be the love of your life, and you can be whisked off to a romantic getaway somewhere, where horses cavort about on the beach, and... :p

I've done it on a beach. :cool:

- s.e.

[Mangetout]

Originally posted by Dooku
You should open it - maybe it'll turn out to be the love of your life, and you can be whisked off to a romantic getaway somewhere, where horses cavort about on the beach, and... :p You meant to post that in the spam porn title thread, right?

[Morbo]

ROFL! I hadn't even read that thread yet.

[OpalCat]

I've never even heard of anyone that shy before. But then, I'll answer my door wrapped in a blanket with my hair sticking straight up and still squinting to get used to the light.

[Jurhael]

Well, I'm THAT shy. Hell, I barely even answer the PHONE! eheh

[yosemite]

But then, I'll answer my door wrapped in a blanket with my hair sticking straight up and still squinting to get used to the light.
You beat me. I am pretty shameless, but not that shameless. (Well, maybe I am....) I've opened the door in some pretty bizarre just-got-out-of-bed get-ups.

Though, scott - answer the door. We all are now dying to know what he wanted.

[anya marie]

At least you answer the phone, I hate some of the people that call us. We get these people wanting to talk to us but the concept of my taking a message is astonishingly foreign to them.

And I get very few calls anyway, so that does not help. I miss hearing an actual ring, i cannot stand to hear some of this demented electronic tweetling that passes for a ring anymore.

[scott evil]

Originally posted by anya marie
At least you answer the phone, I hate some of the people that call us.

The wonders of call display. I first got it to avoid having to blindly answer calls from my mother, which would always mean at least an hour out of my life when I least expected it.

Now it's more like: do I want to talk to you right now? If not, just leave a message. I'm not obligated to answer the phone whenever someone calls, just as I'm not obligated to answer the door if someone unexpected knocks.

What I hate, though, are those anonymous calls. I get 000-000-0000 on my call display, with no message. What's up with that? Or "Unknown name - Unknown number." Fuck that. Like I'm going to answer that call. I think I should just unlist myself from the telephone book.

- s.e.

[matt_mcl]

Originally posted by OpalCat
I've never even heard of anyone that shy before. But then, I'll answer my door wrapped in a blanket with my hair sticking straight up and still squinting to get used to the light.

And the advantage with this is, it's sometimes Jehovah's Witnesses. :D

[SkipMagic]

Originally posted by scott evil


I've done it on a beach. :cool:

- s.e.

Yeah, well, back in college I did it on a theater stage decorated as a beach. With two tons of sand piled on the stage. The advantage? No screeching seagulls shooting shit shots at us. The disadvantage?
Absolutely none. I was doing it on beach. :D

[Violet]

I don't answer doors & telephones & pages either. At least not immediately. I don't jump for people.

[PunditLisa]

I don't answer the door for strangers carrying bibles or those poor kids in fluorescent jackets carrying around crates of candy.

However, I *do* answer the door for the neighbors, even if I have to go grab a robe. I expect the same courtesy from them. Of course, I don't go knocking unless I have a good reason.

And a cup of sugar IS a legitimate reason. :)

Perhaps next time you could just poke your head out and query what the problem is....?

[butter pie]

I don't answer the door, and we have a big frosty glass window in our door so people can even see me walking around. I'll usually just leave the room and not come back.

You'd be surprised how long they'll keep standing there and knocking for.

I never used to answer the phone, but since I signed my parent's number up for that statewide Do Not Call, I've been picking it up to harass the telemarkers. If it's one of my brother's friends or something, though, I just let it ring.

[Marconi & Schmeese]

I don't blame you scott evil!!!!!

I'm just too paranoid to answer the door. If I'm at home alone and someone knocks on the door, my heart jumps in my throat and I lay *still* until I'm sure they have gone away. If someone doesn't have the courtesy to call me before they come over (especially in this age of cell phones) then who is to say they aren't some psychopath? I don't answer the phone either BTW. And yes, I have a husband, a dog, a gun, caller id and a security system. . . . and I just bought security cameras, but haven't had them installed yet.

[pepperlandgirl]

I make my husband answer the door. Mainly because when I'm home, I'm naked, and I'm too lazy to find something to cover my shame before I answer the door. ;)

[jayjay]

Originally posted by scott evil
No way am I answering the door looking like this. I'm wearing my dorky glasses from grade nine, pyjama bottoms, an old t-shirt, and my hair is a mess. On top of that, my apartment is the epitome of squallor at the moment.

Hell, I always look like that. My house, too. :D I'd never answer the door if those were my criteria!

jayjay

[Miller]

Originally posted by matt_mcl


And the advantage with this is, it's sometimes Jehovah's Witnesses. :D

Funny you should say that...

The last time I ever had a door-to-door evangelist pester me, it was ten AM on a Sunday, and I was asleep. I answered the door wearing nothing but tighty-whiteys and my eye-glasses. I was willing and eager to discuss their religion, and was happy to receive their copy of the Watchtower, but then they remembered they had a previous engagement. Apparently in a different country because they never came back. Woo hoo!

[kaylasdad99]

Originally posted by Violet
I don't answer doors & telephones & pages either. At least not immediately. I don't jump for people.

I got you beat. I don't even check my voice mail.

[Timban]

Originally posted by Alice in Wonderland
I don't blame you scott evil!!!!!

I'm just too paranoid to answer the door. If I'm at home alone and someone knocks on the door, my heart jumps in my throat and I lay *still* until I'm sure they have gone away. If someone doesn't have the courtesy to call me before they come over (especially in this age of cell phones) then who is to say they aren't some psychopath? I don't answer the phone either BTW. And yes, I have a husband, a dog, a gun, caller id and a security system. . . . and I just bought security cameras, but haven't had them installed yet.

Italics mine.

Ummmm, not to be a smartass.. well, okay, just to be a smartass.. :)
Why rant and roar that they won't call first if you don't answer
the phone? Duh :D

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by Alice in Wonderland


????:confused: ????

[Dijon Warlock]

Originally posted by Jurhael
Well, I'm THAT shy. Hell, I barely even answer the PHONE! eheh I don't even HAVE a phone!!

I'll out-recluse you, I will...

[Freudian Slit]

Wow, Alice. Looks like you've got competition. :)

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by Zoggie
Wow, Alice. Looks like you've got competition. :)

Or a split personality...

[SpoilerVirgin]

I have to say that the neighbor sounds like me. I mean, occasionally there will be some little problem at the apartment (laundry room key is missing, the garbage cans aren't being taken to the curb, I see moving activity but I'm not sure if there's a new tenant, etc.) so I screw up my courage and knock, softly, at my neighbors' door. And then I wait. And they don't answer. And I start to feel really stupid, like maybe they don't want to be disturbed, or why I am I bothering them about this anyway. So I wait for maybe a minute, and then I screw up my courage and knock again. And then I stand there for a little while feeling like a dork. And then I go back to my apartment.

So on behalf of your neighbor, I say answer the door. He probably just has a perfectly nice, friendly question. And it can't hurt to have a friendly nieghbor.

[Typo Negative]

Scott, the guy will just try you again later.

I answer the door, no matter how I'm dressed. And always with my cheerful disposition. (major sarcasm here :D) I leave them with correct impression that further disturbences may have dire consequences.

[Tripler]

I once had the pleasure of being in my garage, taking off my gear after an exercise, when some poor muckety-mucks from the local 'Heaven's High Rollers Club' ambled up my driveway. I was a mess. Hot, sweaty, tired, coverend in warpaint, and just plain ugly.

Even so, I'm usually a pretty nice guy. I'll listen to your spiel, then tell you I'm not interested. When I have to tell you three times, I start to get a little agitated. Kinda like they were when I cleared my rifle, unfixed my bayonet, and told 'em I went by the nickname "Babykiller".

Tripler
The empty beer cans on the floor helped complete my image.

[Cat Whisperer]

I can think of two legitimate reasons for a neighbour knocking - you left your keys in your door lock/mailbox (I've done both), or there may be a problem with your car (he just dinged it, and wants to give you his insurance info, fer example). There are probably many more. I don't answer the door when I'm not expecting people, but I usually do answer for neighbours. Just my $0.02.

[Muffin]

Originally posted by Dijon Warlock
I don't even HAVE a phone!!

I'll out-recluse you, I will...

I have a phone, so I'm not a recluse. Of course my number is unlisted, my phone is not plugged in, and if someone insists on having my phone number, I give them my secretary's work number. (I have a busy social life, but uninterrupted privacy is important to me.)

[Marconi & Schmeese]

Timban: Touche! I do pick up messages, though.

Alice: I had admin change my username a couple of days ago so I wouldn't step on your toes. When I signed up I didn't use underscores so I didn't know. . . .:eek:

[Marconi & Schmeese]

Timban: Touche! I do pick up messages, though.

Alice: I had admin change my username a couple of days ago so I wouldn't step on your toes. When I signed up I didn't use underscores so I didn't know. . . .:eek:

[Gary Kumquat]

It's good to see that hospitality and manners are to be found in such abundance in doperville.

*walks off muttering, shaking head, hoping never to need help in the districts of some of the above posters*

[RainbowDragon]

Originally posted by scott evil
No way am I answering the door looking like this. I'm wearing my dorky glasses from grade nine, pyjama bottoms, an old t-shirt, and my hair is a mess.

Hey some of us guys like that kind of look! :D

[Fenris]

Well, that's just fucking lovely, Scott.

If Jan Brunvand has taught us anything (and since, next to Cecil and Martin Gardner, he's one of the GREATS, he has)

When one's neighbor knocks softly on one's door, waits a few minutes then knocks softly again, then knocks one more time before disappearing, then he was trying to get your attention because he has an AXE IN HIS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! (or a cut throat). Had you opened the door when he first knocked, an ambulance could've been called.

This is a proven fact: see here (http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/roommate.htm
)

Murderer.

Fenris

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by Miss Xanax
Alice: I had admin change my username a couple of days ago so I wouldn't step on your toes. When I signed up I didn't use underscores so I didn't know. . . .:eek:

Hey no worries. I was just wondering if those cloning experiments that I'd participated in for bonus credit had been more successful than the researchers originally let on...

:D

[Freudian Slit]

Fenris- your link isn't working for me. Could you pwease try again? :)

Anyways, Scott, personally I am of the belief that if you had said "Who EEZ it?" he would have been all "this is the VIPER" and you'd have been "Oh sweet jesus" and then you'd have gone online typing out your troubles. And then, he'd come back and you'd say, "Um...now who is it?" and he'd be all, "it's the VIPER" and this time he'd be turning the doorknob. And you'd be too scared to lock it...so you'd hide. And then FINALLY he'd open the door and come in and you'd say (because, I don't know, you have no short term memory), "Oh for the love of GOD, who is it?" and he'd say, "This is the viper, i've come to vipe the vindows." And then he'd gut you or something, I don't know.

[OpalCat]

The link goes to http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/roommate.htm but it has a <br> at the end that needed to be removed for it to work as a link. Just look in the status bar when you hover over a link and most problems will be apparent (like that html tag, or a comma or period at the end of the url)

[Freudian Slit]

Ah, thanks again, OpalCat. Yes, Scott, you definitely want to open that door about now. I mean, it's been three days. I'm curious- DID he want to murder you, or did he just need a cup of kibble for the casserole or something?

[Gadarene]

Zoggie: Funniest post ever. :D