View Full Version : Biggest Fight with Your Honey
08-22-1999, 01:57 PM
I was inspired by the thread about our "lists" for potential mates.
The biggest fight(s) I have ever had with my deeply beloved future husband were over gun ownership. The matter nearly tore us apart. Presently, we do have a gun in our house. With a lock and no bullets.
What about you guys?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
08-22-1999, 02:11 PM
Over drug use. An occasional drink or toke is one thing but when it becomes the first thing you do in the morning that's too much. Especially if you drive while intoxicated. I won't tolerate that at all.
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
08-22-1999, 04:18 PM
Over what to do with a $10,000 inheritance (mine). I had always wanted to visit England, and swore I would use every last penny to do it, and he wanted to buy a motorcycle. He had already owned a motorcycle before, I had never seen England. He decided he would get a motorcycle anyway, over my objections. I threatened to quit my job if all I was doing was working to pay for his toys! It sounds juvenile now, but was heated then. Bottom line: he bought the motorcycle (on payment), and I spend all $10,000 for a 17 day holiday to the UK - and it was worth every last cent, and I have the pictures and memories to prove it. (PS - the motorcycle has since been sold!)
08-22-1999, 05:32 PM
The biggest fight I can think of with my current husband was my decision to keep working, even after he had obtained a good paying job. I told him that if I didn't work, then I was going back to school or something because just sitting around the house all day with the kids and nothing else to do would drive me completely nuts! God knows I love my kids, but I need to be around other adults too sometimes, and my job allows me to do this.
Of course, now I work from home, so I got my wish to continue working, but I still sit at home all day with the kids and I'm still going nuts. Oh well.
08-22-1999, 05:41 PM
The biggest fight I ever got into was with my ex (note the word EX).
When my 17 year old was only 3 months old, he got an ear infection. Those of you who are parents know what an ear infection does to an infant. Non-stop crying.
At the time, we had two cars. One that I could drive and the other a piece of shit that had to be hotwired. The dumbass that he is, he lost the only key and instead of calling a locksmith he tore apart the dash and made it so the only way to start the car was with a butter knive and by touching two wires together. I couldn't start the car.
Early one Saturday morning, we took the baby to the doctor for the ear infection. On the way home, we decided that I would take the baby home and he would go back for the medicine. He dropped us off and then took both checkbooks, the prescription, and the ony car I could drive. I waited and waited and WAITED - still, no sigh of him. I called a friend who happened to have some amoxicillin and with that and some warm compresses, I was able to get my son settled down and sleeping.
But, the more I waited, the more pissed off I became. I had my friend watch my baby and me and my sister went looking for the asshole. We found out that he had ran into his worthless brother and went to shoot pool. Me and my sister, both underage at the time, drove down to the area were there are a lot of bars. We found my car in a large parking lot but could tell which bar he was in.
We started walking up the street, going into each bar (this was a bad part of town) looking for him. Each time we got hassled for ID and hit on by drunks. Hell, we were only 19 and 16 years old, and looked it.
The more I looked, the more pissed off I got. We finally come to a huge biker bar and I see him way in the back shooting pool with his brother. The bouncer tried to get ID from me but I pushed past him and told him I would only be a second. I must have looked bad because he got out of my way. I walked up to my ex and literally dragged his ass outside. The bikers were hoopin and a hollarin and thought it was cool, but I didn't give a shit.
I got him out on the sidewalk and ripped him a new ass as well as throwing a few punches. He just stood there ducking the blows (he is about twice my size).
Once in the car, I cracked the dash with another punch and then at home I threw the keys at him so hard that they stuck into the door frame.
The combination of a baby crying all day, the age of me and the ex as well as our lack of maturity, and the fact that he was at the bar with his loser brother and didn't drop of the medicine, made me explode. Later, I was totally humiliated that I put on a public display of beating up my husband in front of a biker bar in a bad part of town.
Jeesh. It is still embarrassing, but you can see why he is my ex-husband.
Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
08-22-1999, 06:09 PM
Playing pool with future hubby in a bar -- had a bit too much to drink (both of us) -- he didn't have a good shot on his ball so he hit one of mine. I said something stupid like "don't you ever hit one of my balls!" He responded by chalking my nose.
I got ticked and went home -- he came in about 5 minutes later. The only question was who was going to give in and "be nice" first. We both did.
I love this guy. I had a rotten first marriage (died, but I didn't kill him) and he had two rotten marriages.
Maturity's cool. You start to get an inkling of what's really important. Pool isn't. People is.
We disagree on some major stuff (he used to be a cop and I used to be a hippie) but we can discuss rationally.
08-22-1999, 07:39 PM
Oh, this is probably a bad idea, but I feel compelled anyway.
We fight about almost everything. Petty things, trivial things, mildly-important-but-not-life-impacting things, and really important things. I couldn't even tell you what our biggest fight was about, because no matter what we fight about, the vehemence and the yelling and the unwillingness to move or compromise on either of our parts is always the same.
He's a bum, I'm a nag. He wants to spend half his life sleeping, and evenly divide the other half between vegging in front of the TV, playing video games, reading comics, or playing online. Occasionally he goes out, even more occasionally he includes me. So I let him hear about it. Not that it changes anything, no matter how I approach the subject, but I make sure I tell him (sometimes not very nicely) how f#@king annoyed I'm getting and ask him to kindly get off his ass and be productive.
The biggest problem we've had has been surrounding money. I do all the shopping, for clothes, groceries, etc. and he likes to bitch about how much I've spent. Of course, he doesn't mention to me how much money he's spent on comics at the comic shop or comics he's won on eBay, because of course, a complete collection of Spiderman comics and collectibles is essential to life whereas clothing and food are not. He makes it sound as though I'm making purchases off the runway for every new designer collection, when in fact, I do all my shopping at Walmart, garage sales, and thrift stores. Logic? Not in his world.
I really could go on and on, but I've probably already said more than enough. Next?
Veni, Vidi, Visa ... I came, I saw, I bought.
08-22-1999, 07:53 PM
The storm, it is a comin, and it's name is Neo. . .
Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
08-22-1999, 08:07 PM
Not that I don't feel for you Chris. I think you are married to my ex husband.
Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
08-22-1999, 08:34 PM
Sounds perfectly awful! I'd go crazy in a relationship like that. Are you expecting a long future under these conditions???
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
08-22-1999, 09:10 PM
I wish my story wasn't my doing, but...
I went to my soon to be ex-wifes high school reunion. It was the same school that had kicked me out two weeks before graduation.
I started drinking pretty hard. It seemed a pityful budget for the party and they kept playing some shitty Eagles song over and over again while they watched the dullest slides.
I was standing at the door popping baloons during the slide show with my cigarette. Later I crashed a livlier private party in another bar at the hotel and was having a wonderful time before I was discovered and kicked out.
I decided to go for a swim and stripped of my suit and dived in to the pool to the dismay of some horrified mother and her two kids that were using the pool--I kept my boxer shorts on for pete's sake--jeez.
A hotel staff member was kind enough to warn me the police were on the way and we walked out the revolving doors as they were walking in.
I apolgized for months in vain until one day I said that I needed to be forgiven and that I was afriad that soon I might not care anymore. The end had been coming for a long time. The reunion was just going down in flames.
08-22-1999, 09:24 PM
Diane - don't be embarassed - his ass needed whupping, he deserved everything he got & you did exactly the right thing, honey.
08-22-1999, 09:43 PM
Stoidela said:Presently, we do have a gun in our house. With a lock and no bullets.Hmmmm. Sounds like it would do a lot of good... as a hammer. :)
My secretary just told me about a fight another co-worker had with her husband. Apparently, they were fighting or talking about something else, and the moron said that he had a crush on his summer intern! Now how stupid can you be?! It's one thing to think it, but my God, man, don't tell your wife!
08-22-1999, 10:04 PM
I only mentioned a fight I had with my current husband. Me and my ex-husband had some severely nasty fights over just about everything, but those usually ended with me getting bopped upside the head with his fist. My current hubby is a pussycat compared to the ex, which is a good thing because I don't have to live in fear anymore. The funny thing is, the fights we have usually consist of him saying something sarcastic, me saying something sarcastic back, and then walking away from each other and ignoring each other for the rest of the day. Our arguments last 30 seconds, tops. I think the only truly nasty argument we have ever had was over the kids, and that was at least five years ago and I think we were both drunk that night. That argument lasted a whole ten minutes, which is some kind of record for us.
08-23-1999, 12:03 AM
We don't fight. Seriously. However, this ain't Oz. There is an adage in my family, if someone is polite and nice to you, then we don't like you. I am all politeness about most of his family.
08-23-1999, 01:53 AM
He's a bum, I'm a nag.
I suppose I am a bum because I am the one that has been staying home caring for Bowen while she is working. Folks, keep in mind that I used to be the one who worked and she stayed home, and pretty soon it will go back to that, she has told me she would rather be the mommy. However, she has always been a nag.
He wants to spend half his life sleeping, and evenly divide the other half between vegging in front of the TV, playing video games, reading comics, or playing online.
I dont know how she knows since she is at work... but then I could say the same back to her except replace video games with pointless shopping and reading comics with reading trash novels.
Occasionally he goes out, even more occasionally he includes me. So I let him hear about it. [quote]
So what if I don't go out? You go if you want and she does too, as far as going together thats when we need a sitter! Its not like thats always available especially when you make last-minute plans.
[quote]The biggest problem we've had has been surrounding money. I do all the shopping, for clothes, groceries, etc. and he likes to bitch about how much I've spent. Of course, he doesn't mention to me how much money he's spent on comics at the comic shop or comics he's won on eBay, because of course, a complete collection of Spiderman comics and collectibles is essential to life whereas clothing and food are not. He makes it sound as though I'm making purchases off the runway for every new designer collection, when in fact, I do all my shopping at Walmart, garage sales, and thrift stores. Logic? Not in his world.
True, the biggest fights concern money, and wether she will admit it or not, she does waste a ton of money. I would see that she would spend say $120 at Walmart... what did she buy?? I never see it! On many many occasions she ADMITTED that she does this. I calculated a bank statement once, I did not count bills or anything we spent together, only what we spent separately, which would be for trivial junk like restaurants, entertainment, books, etc. the list could go on. She spent 3 times more than me and our statements usually looked like this:
Now you know the reason I am going back to work and she is staying home.
08-23-1999, 01:54 AM
BTW, for any doubters as to my wifes spending ability, check out her sig line.
08-23-1999, 02:55 AM
Well, its funny that this seems to be mostly the women venting, but heres one that you'll all be glad that your man hasn't done. Guys you can thank me later.
Granted this happened in college and me still being a rabid single 23 year old doesn't really compare to marriage type fights, but here goes. I did the unthinkable. I'll give you three guesses as to what it is.
Give up? Ok heres the background. In college I dated a girl for a year and she was the first love, broke my heart etc. Most of the relationships are the burn hot and fast type. Well shortly after this breakup, I started into another serious relationship with a girl who got to see some of my heartbreak over this first love. After we had been together for about a year and after a few conversations about her feeling like a second choice, she finally let it go. Then one fateful night, lying naked and exhausted after a spirited bout of whoopie ( :)) I did it. The biggest whoops anyone can imagine. I called her my ex's name. naked in bed. That ignited a pretty energetic fight that the frat brothers rode me about for months. Complete with furniture throwing, and breaking stuff, most in the buff. Believe it or not she calmed down and still spent the night, and we didn't break up for about 5 more months. I then proceeded to get back together with the first girl. *evil grin*
08-23-1999, 03:06 AM
Oh, shit howdy, that's bad!
08-23-1999, 07:37 AM
JESUS.....are those two married and on the same MB?????
boy is that dumb!!
you guys read each others diarys too? :)
my biggest fight with my ex was always money/work.
he was out of work, wanted money for smokes or a gram...and I would have to say NO.(actually it was more like"ha ha ha ha ....no.) that put me in the role of the mother, and him into the sulky child.
If I encouraged him to go look for work, I was a nag...if I said nothing, I resented him..I had to work, and we have two kids...he pulled all kind of crap, traded an old car for dope,($500 car) got a job, got paid in mostly hash, and then lost the job, and spent his last pay getting wasted with his buddies.
we have split and got back together so many times...of course, he has a good job NOW!
but we are done.
to the above unhappy couple...make a budget...give each of you some pocket money, and get a 'joint and' checking account, (one which you both have to sign the checks)if you cant settle your money issues, you're screwed.
08-23-1999, 08:54 AM
I love spousal fights on the message boards. :)
Back in the old days, I was on a local area where two of the crew were married and getting divorced. You've never seen really good flames 'til you've seen that kind of thing. One time, the woman posted saying he never got hard. The man responded that only water gets hard in an icebox. Yow!
(Later, I was the best man in the guy's second wedding. :) )
08-23-1999, 08:55 AM
OK, my biggest fight with my husband sounds too silly to be true. But, I kid you not, we were about ready to rip each other's throats out over the following question: Can fleas live on humans?
To put this in perspective, we have 4 animals- two cats and two very large dogs (my st bernart weighs 150 pounds). Well, we got a case of fleas one year and not only were the pets going crazy, but they were eating us humans alive also. My husband found a flea on him at work (hee, heee -sorry, it makes me giggle just to picture it, my husband is soooo anal) and he went balistic. He came home ranting and raving saying that the fleas were living on him now. I argued that fleas CANNOT live on humans, CAN TO, CANNOT, CAN TO, CANNOT, well, you get the picture...We laugh about it now, but at the time it seriously almost came to blows.
08-23-1999, 09:03 AM
The biggest fight my hubby and I have gotten into to date has been about animal euthanasia. My mom had one of our OLD cats put to sleep because of a number of issues: loss of bladder control, arthritis, kidney failure etc. The cat was a wonderful cat who had lived a good long life (she was about 13 or 14) but was now very uncomfortable, she couldn't keep down any food, was incontinent, starting to have kidney failure, etc, etc. My mom has had this cat since we were young(er) and the cat was a kitten. It wasn't an easy decision to make. I mentioned it to my husband and he said basically, that when my mom was old and sick, how would she like to be put to sleep etc and how basically brutal, cruel, and thoughtless my mom was for doing such a thing. I bit my tongue and said,"she made the decision that she felt was best for the cat under the circumstances" and then I went upstairs. He came upstairs and started making comments on "we'll never do that to our cats; your family has problem with this [my dad had recently had our family's oldest cat put to sleep for the same reasons. Again, very traumatic family event]." At that point, I just blew. His dad has absolutely no regard for animal life (which is why I think he's on the complete other end of the spectrum) so I said,"Well that's fine. At least my dad took Strawberry [the cat] to the vet; he didn't kill him with a brick like your dad did". (which is true; he and his brother had lots of pets that "disappeared" if they growled, clawed, or snapped at the kids. His dad put a firecracker in a cat's rear once. Randy had pet chickens as a kid and one of the roosters attacked him one day and when his dad got home and found out, he went out and beat it to death.)
Well, it all hit the fan then. Names started flying etc. We've basically made an agreement that I won't talk about his family's treatment of animals and he won't talk about mine.
And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss
of one weak creature makes a void in any heart, so
wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth
of vast eternity can fill it up!
-Charles Dickens "Dombey and Son"
08-23-1999, 09:47 AM
Biggest difference of opinion with my wife is currently whether or not to get my baby girl's ers pierced. She's three months old. She wants to do it by six months. I think we should wait until she's old enough to want them herself. I'm probably going to end up giving into her, but the kid's so cute as she is, I don't want to change the look at the moment. (For the record, she says she doesn't want to either, but she knows she'll want the kid having earrings at 3 or 4, and that if she doesn't get them pierced soon, she'll be too old not to be constantly pulling at them, until 5 or 6).
Chaim Mattis Keller
"Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks."
-- Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
08-23-1999, 09:50 AM
your post made all the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
honey...please dont have kids with this nut..if you do, for the love of pete, DONT LET GRANDPA BABYSIT!
it has been my experience, that people treat pets they way they would secretely like to treat people.Good luck.
On a more amusing note, my first husband used to talk in his sleep, and one night he announced himself: "My name's Johnny Cash" with a drawl and everything...oh, I laughed so HARD!
then one night he whispered in an urgent sharp tone(in his sleep)"And she was never...ever...seen...again!"
we were near the end at that point, and I didnt sleep well till I got out of there for good.(he was unstable and prone to violence-a fact that conveniently he manage to hide until two days AFTER the damn wedding.)
ah wedded misery...the memories!
08-23-1999, 09:55 AM
oops, one slipped in there.my post was for BunnyGirl....you are so sweet and kind in all your posts, I am just so stunned that you married into that family...please tell me hubby has TONS of redeeming features, and that the in-laws live on another planet...
oh, and cm keller...if you really dont want the earrings, stick to your guns, I personally think it is kind of arbitrary to do it just cause you think she will want them later...watch for infection...if you really are on the fence, just let it go...save your guns for the great birth control debate!
08-23-1999, 11:37 AM
Chaim, for what it's worth (you can tell your wife I said so), I always thought it was horrible to see babies with pierced ears. Ugh.
08-23-1999, 11:59 AM
I dont know how she knows since she is at work...
Not that I want to get into your marital problems, but working all day long, coming home tired, and having to take care of a house because my partner played video games, watched TV, or slept most of the day, would get old very quick.
Even though she is at work all day, it wouldn't be hard to tell what went on during the day. Just one look at the house would be clue enough.
Are you pulling your weight while she is at work?
Ummmm. . . this gives me an idea for a new thread.
Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.
08-23-1999, 02:54 PM
My darling husband says (mildly snipped)
replace...reading comics with reading trash novels.
Trash novels? Currently I'm dividing my attention between Rimbaud, Dean Koontz, and the following:
"The Complete Book of Home Decorating"
"Your Baby and Child"
"Keeping Life Simple" and
"Psychology Applied to Life and Work"
in addition to keeping up with both area newspapers and all the magazines I'll receive till 2001, courtesy of my previous job at a magazine clearinghouse.
Trash novels indeed. Pshaw.
Veni, Vidi, Visa ... I came, I saw, I bought.
08-23-1999, 03:27 PM
Hmmm, only big major fight with my last ex was the last big major fight with him.
It was late January. He had quit work because his company was evil (I agreed on that point), but couldn't be bothered to look for a job for weeks. He wouldn't get his truck fixed (I thought he was broke), so he used my car and trashed the struts.
Then, at the beginning of February, I got sick - abdominal pain, which in my experience means I have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Had to go to the emergency room (always a hoot), had to get a pelvic exam from a doctor who couldn't say "pelvic inflammatory disease"; he could only say "female trouble". It turned out that on top of PID, I also had a trich infection - which may have triggered the PID.
On top of that, I was so broke that my check for the medication bounced. Three days later, my boyfriend spent $300 on *beef*. Some butcher's deliveryman needed to get rid of some meat and my boyfriend fell for it.
When I tried to explain to him, crying with frustration, how hard the last couple of weeks had been for me, and that I was *very* angry with him for giving me not one, but two sexually transmitted diseases, he said (and I quote) "Gee, I guess you're never going to let me live that one down."
I went ballistic. Never in my life have I thrown such an incredible screaming fit. I'm astonished, looking back on it, that I didn't hit him or throw anything at him.
The next day, I broke up with him. A week after that, I threw him out of my apartment.
*sigh* Oh, well. I figure that used up my drama-in-romance quota, and I shouldn't have to handle anything like that again.
"I'm surprised that you've never been told before, that you're lovely, that you're perfect, and that somebody wants you." - Semisonic, f.n.p
08-23-1999, 03:50 PM
Kelli, yes, my husband is a gem, if you can believe it coming from this family. Truly I cannot believe he shares the same genes with these wierdos. His mother is a nut too. Literally. Andrea,my sister-in-law is has her Masters in Social Work, and does a lot of couseling and we always talk about the wacko issues that these two need to deal with. Andrea is alot like me in our views on things and this weekend the grandparents watched her daughter (my darling little niece) for a day. When she went over to pick her up, Grandpa proudly announced,"I taught her how to kill ants with a hammer". He was proud of this!! She's 2, for god's sake! Andrea was completely mortified. She was almost speechless. Grandma saw the reaction however, and we both know, will say something to Grandpa. With the baby, they are the complete opposite: no discipline whatsoever. Let her color anywhere she wants, no naps, stuff her full of sweets etc. Takes Andrea about 2-3 days to get her "back in shape". Grandma asked her "When do you think you guys will have another baby?" (she knows better than to ask me). Andrea told her "Oh probably 3 years or so." G-ma said, "Oh I can't wait that long". Uh, hello? I think OpalCat's sig says it best: Cluemobile, you've got a pickup.
Really, they're incredible. Gives Andrea and I something to rant about when we have coffee together!!
08-23-1999, 07:48 PM
We don't normally get into big fights, but hubby and I had a fairly serious discussion about kids- I want 'em, he's not ready. I have a degenerative back disorder that's getting worse all the time..my days of waiting are long over..he's 35..how much more friggin ready do you need to be?? So we had a "discussion" about it, as rational as we could, and I told him that if I knew he really wasn't interested in having kids I would have married someone else (totally not true). We finally came to an agreement and decided to wait 6 months and then try. It had me pretty worried, though.
PS- those spouse posts make it feel a bit like Springer in here...
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.
08-23-1999, 08:56 PM
For ChrisCTP - I don't want to be judgmental here....but I'm just curious....why are you in this relationship? I'm really curious. What are you getting out of it? Is it...could it be....LOVE? After reading the rest of these responses, I'm thinking my husband buying a motorcycle against my wishes is CALM compared to some of this stuff. To each his own.
08-24-1999, 12:11 AM
Oh, man, my husband did that. It was only about three months when his business folded and he was on the dole. I would work an 8.5 hour day . . . come home . . . and he would have spent the entire day labelling his cassette collection. Dirty dishes still piled high, beds not made . . .URGH!!!!
My honey and I aren't fighters, but any major disagreements we have had have always been about HOUSEWORK (and his sorry-ass inability to do any).
I think you're smarter than a dumb slug. - Christopher A. Evans
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