Am I being unreasonable? (apartment living rant)

[FalconFinder]

I hope you guys can help me out here:

It is unreasonable to be annoyed at the fact that my "wall neighbor" in my apartment building was running at top speed up and down his hallway (making my walls rattle) for an hour and a half? I know he was running because I stood outside his door trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. I could hear the unmistakable sounds of him running down the hall and tapping the door as he turned to run back the other way. He was making the glass in the fire extinguisher in the hall rattle as well...

Also, is it unreasonable to be angry at the fact that my downstairs neighbor has a stereo that goes off at random times for random amounts of time (in some cases for three hours) at full blast? This always seems to happen when he's not home. I've told him on numerous occasions to do something about it, but yet, nothing seems to happen...

I complained to my landlord about these things and they didn't seem to think I had a leg to stand on.

It says right in my lease [paraphrased, since I'm not at home right now] that no activity will take place that will annoy your neighbors. They even list such activities as playing instruments, singing, etc.

I just got rid of one neighbor who was the tenant from HELL and now these other two seem to be taking up the slack!!

Is it too much to ask that there be respect to the other people living in the same building??? I do my best to remain quiet (which may be the problem) while I am home -- I try to respect that my neighbors don't want to hear my music, my TV, my personal conversations, etc. -- so why the hell can they respect the fact that I *don't* want to hear theirs??

The longer I live in an apartment, the more I have come to believe that there is no such thing as mutual respect....

I gotta get ahold of a realtor and hope I can find something I can afford!!!!!!!!!

[Osip]

Well, since 123 have viewed and no replies I shall take a shot at it.

Yes, it seems that your neighbors are not thinking about how their actions may affect others around them.

Then again you could be a bit over sensitive.


How is that for fence sitting on an issue?

[Revtim]

How do you now the stereo is turning on by itself, and it's just not the asshole neighbour listening to it? If he or she told you "it just turns on by itself, dude!" I'd guess it's fine-grade bullshit you're being fed.

[Pammipoo]

Heh. You think that's bad? My mom lives next to a family with a 6 year old. His room is in the basement. When I'm actually there, my room is also in the basement. The walls down there are thinner than the walls in the rest of the house. Every morning, he wakes up right around 7 am. I can hear his scooby doo alarm clock go off. Immediately after, he starts his daily routine of running up and down the stairs. It usually goes on until around 9 or 1o, when his 19 year old brother wakes up, and turns on the stereo. Thankfully, I'm there very seldom. I'd have to kill them otherwise.

[LurkMeister]

In the days before I finally became a homeowner I became firmly convinced that there was a city ordinance requiring anybody who lived in the apartment above mine to be operating either a bowling alley or a ballet school for elephants.

[Melandry]

LurkMeister- Don't forget, they have to be professional furniture droppers, too. I know because they were living above me, too, until just a couple of days ago.

As for the OP, I would say that it's reasonable to be annoyed by such noises, but to make sure that your response is reasonable, too. In other words, don't be a Noise NaziTM, which is what I call my boyfriend, who has threatened (to me, not to the neighbor) to call the cops about a noise violation because the person who lives above him was doing his dishes too loudly. (Quote: "I can hear the clinking! That's unacceptable.")

Now, my boyfriend is a special case, but my point is that it is easy to get soooo frustrated with these little daily annoyances that before long, you're ready to declare inter-apartment war on your neighbors for minor but persistent irritations. It sounds like your response so far (talking to your neighbors about the problems) is a good start, if slightly ineffective.

[SmackFu]

Thick walls, only one "wall neighbor" and a top floor apartment. That's the only way to rent.

And if you want a little revenge, an alarm clock left on over a weekend while you're not there might get the message across.

[Kallessa]

Top floor is good, but down stairs neighbors still have ways of making you crazy. I listened to several hours of Star Wars a few nights ago--I could hear the dialogue, and the special effects actually caused my living room to buzz. And then there are the personal conversation on the balcony (her friend is having a difficult pregnancy). Granted, they have a right to talk on thier own balcony, but could they use their "inside" voices? Oh, and they haven't taught their son how to close a door without slamming it, and as an active child, he sometimes goes in and out several times an hour. Their stereo has a great woofer--isn't that the bass dohickey?--so I get that nice drone effect. The best thing they do though, my favorite, is laundry at midnight. The dryer has been on until 2 am!

I'd complain to management, but my downstairs neighbors are management! The actual manager does not live on site, but neighbor dear is the maintenance man. Lovely.

But [happy dance] I move into my house at the end of the month. I bought a house, I bought a house. I'll be able to take a shower anytime I want, and vacuum at midnight, and jump up and down on my floor. [/happy dance]:D

[yosemite]

I've never lived in an apartment (which means my opinion may be useless) but I've lived in a "pool house", and the person in the "big" house was a Light Nazi. (She was also my sister, but that's another story!) I had to have the lights out at a certain time, even a little pen light bothered her. It was absurd at times. In my opinion, some expectations are unreasonable.

Melandry's boyfriend is the Noise Nazi, my sister is the Light Nazi—you don't want to be like this. Not that I think you are, at all. But, take care.

I think that if I were ever in an apartment, I wouldn't get my knickers in a bunch over muffled sounds of ordinary, everyday living from my neighbors. Dishes, doors closing, David Letterman, that kind of thing. As long as it wasn't really LOUD, I mean, what do you want people to do? Walk on tiptoes? Hold their breath? Not do anything after 10 pm? Not that you are like that, I'm just getting off on a tangent because of the Light Nazi and the Noise Nazi things... :)

But, running up and down the hallway, or playing music incredibly loud is obviously way out of line.

[belladonna]

He was running up and down the common hallway, or the one in his apartment? If he was in his own place I don't think you've got a valid complaint about that one. The stereo however, is a whole other story. I suggest large speakers placed on the floor and a collection of John Tesh and Yanni records. You've tried to get it corrected, now just settle for getting even.

[Mort Furd]

Hey!
Noisy neighbors can be entertaining at times.
When my wife and I lived in an apartment, the upstairs neighbors were prone to bouts of extremely loud "horizontal excercises," complete with grunts, groans, moans, shouts, and the bed scooting across the floor and slamming into the wall. We could always tell when he pooped out, too. She would cut loose with a good loud yell, and he wouldn't.
The absolute topper was the night they boinked so hard the bed broke. Absoluteley hilarious: "AAAAH, UUUUHHH, UMMM, AAAGGG, OOOHHH, YESSSS, ARRRGGGGGG WHAHOOOOM!" We heard the guy nailingthe bed back together the next day.

[BoBettie]

I had a complete and total breakdown over this very issue years ago. My ex and I were living in an upstairs apartment (the building was owned by his parents and we managed it). I was trying to sleep during the day because I had the flu, and the downstairs neighbor was letting her idiot kid slam the doors. For hours.

Run from one end of the house, back to the other..::SLAM!:: repeat again and again. I called and told her to make him stop immediately. 5 minutes later, it started happening again and I was so sick and so tired, that I freaking lost it.

I went downstairs, rang the bell, and when she answered I entered the apartment and took every single door off the hinges except the front door and the bathroom door. I then threw the doors out into the front yard and told her if she touched them she would be evicted, and I mean it.

I went back upstairs to sleep (in peace- they didn't make a peep all day) and when my husband got home we got in a fight about it. Apparently you can't just do that (imagine!) so he went back and put the doors back on.

You can bet your ass they didn't slam any more doors, though. What the hell goes through people's minds when they're being so loud and rude??

Zette

[FalconFinder]

Thanks, everyone for some great suggestions! I may just try a few, if things get completely out of hand.

The only noise that bothers me is the stuff that is completely unnecessary: Loud continous thumping for long periods of time (I get annoyed at 15 minutes and then get progessively more and more irritated the longer it goes on), slamming doors, LOUD music and bass, Loud screaming, etc. If I can't hear my TV, or it makes my floor or wall shake. I consider it completely unacceptable.

"Normal" living does not include any of these things.

I like loud music, but if I want to hear it loud, I use my headphones.

I purposely chose to live on the top floor (luckily, that's only the second floor) specifically so I wouldn't have to deal with hearing the floor noise.

The guy who was running was in his own apartment, but he was making my wall shake!! This is what annoyed me first about that -- but when it kept up for an hour and a half -- I started to get pretty angry.

The guy with the stereo problem lives below me, so his bass reverberates through my floor so bad at times I feel like I could be sitting in a massage chair! Unfortunately, it also makes my eardrums feel like their going to burst (like when you have a cold and you're so stuffed up that when you breathe you feel your eardrums move) The only way to avoid it is by leaving the apartment. But I shouldn't have to do that!

Revtim, I know he's not home at those times because I check for his truck when I get really pissed. So, unless he has an "illegal" roommate -- he's really not around when the timer goes off.

If anyone else has other ideas, please feel free to share them! :)

[i_rage]

Perhaps you should have a Paranormal investigator come and check the stereo out...I have been told that poltergists have a fond appreciation of loud music, and that would account for the strange behavior of your other neighbor...
Another thought...If it's not a poltergist or stereo demon (and they are vicious!)...perhaps it is a super smart, giant raccoon that has been entering the property illegally.

[catsix]

I used to live in a really old building that had walls 2' thick brick and plaster.

No noise ever came through those walls.

Hot damn it was amazingly QUIET in my apartment.

I miss that building.

[belladonna]

Damn those super-smart giant raccoons! I knew they were behind this somehow!

[FalconFinder]

Catsix, you're making me drool!

[Tiburon]

My stereo DOES turn on by itself at times. It has an alarm so you can wake up to music. If I've been listening to music with the volume fairly loud and then I turn off the stereo and leave the house...then the electricity or something farts...the alarm will go off at midnight. Or sometimes I take a nap and set it to wake me up at 3:00 in the afternoon - but I goofed and it goes off at 3 a.m.

Who knows. I'm extra cautious now to make sure it doesn't turn itself on - plus, I turn the volume down when I'm done.

Tibs.

[CrazyCatLady]

In the dorm I used to live in, the walls were plenty thick ( double layers of cinderblock), but our electrical outlets were directly next to the ones in the next room ( so they used the same wiring.) If your room was quiet, you could hear any loud noises in the next room, and almost any noise near the outlet. Unfortunately, the outlets in question were at the heads of our immovable beds, and the girl next door had her boyfriend there constantly.

They screamed all the time, whether they were fighting or making up. In the course of a single afternoon the soundtrack floating through my outlet would go from "You're an even bigger bitch than your mother. I hate you!" followed various wailings and insults, to "Oh yeah, baby, I'm ready to rumble. Put the smackdown on me" followed by various huffings, puffings, and wrestling references. They would even get off the elevator with me telling each other to hurry because the WWF was coming on. :eek!: During finals they were making it impossible to study, so my roommate and I both knelt on my bed and yelled into the outlet, "Knock it off! We're trying to study!" They were quiet the rest of the week. :D

[catsix]

FalconFinder, I think I remember only one noise complaint (regarding my across-the-hall neighbor and her wall-mate) in the entire time I lived there.

Quoth the note on the door 'If you're going to fuck your boyfriend like a rabid gymnast, please move your bed away from the plaster. It's getting my apartment dusty.'

My wall-mate never complained about any of my gymnastic activities, and they were quite loud. I miss those walls.

[i_rage]

I used to live in a remote two-flat with a couple of mechanic junkies below me. Day in and day out, rev'ving of engines, spouting fluids, dripping fluids..."spittin' tabacci"...They were obnoxious...
I had a boyfriend who had a, shall we say, flatulence problem, and I sent him down there a few times to chat...It must have been bad ...very bad...they moved out within a couple of weeks...

[erislover]

My neighbor sometimes gets mad at me for noise. What irks me is she doesn't realize how often she is loud, as well.

Noise bothers me, no doubt about it. But, hell, I live in an apartment building. Noise is to be expected. It does bother me, don't get me wrong, but what am I going to say? "Hey, you can't have a life now that I live here."

My neighbor once wrote me a very nice letter (and it was nice, that isn't sarcasm) requesting me to be quiet. Well, I usually am rather quiet; that partiuclar week I was on vacation and had two friends from out of town over. So, I shrugged, knowing now that I'd be back to being quiet again. The next night I hear her screwing her boyfriend through the walls. At 2AM. This is the one of two noises she makes that constantly irritate me; I am simply not inclined to listen to my neighbor have sex. If she'd let me watch, hey, no problem; better than porno. But I can't watch (well, actually I haven't asked, but I doubt she would).

So I responded to her letter at this point asking her to not be hypocritical. We are basically good people, and we live in close quarters, and from time to time we are going to be loud.

This isn't any different than being woken up at 7:30AM to the sound of jackhammers on my street (grrrr), or the three assholes who decide to race their motorcycles at all hours of the day and night, except that I can't write these folks little letters and slip them under their door.

Having lived most of my life in an apartment, I just say: "That's what comes from living in an apartment." And hey, everyone is loud, I don't care what they say. I've never had a neighbor I couldn't hear, ever, at some time of the day or night that was inconvenient for me.

But, complain all you want, if it makes you feel better. I just wouldn't expect any miracles. :(

[Hello Again]

This one girl in my freshman dorm used to play her George Michael tapes really loud at all hours. We asked her often to turn it down but she was oblivious.

The building had been retro-fitted with electricity. Each room had two circuit breakers in the breaker box. After a few circuit breaks brought on by the usual circumstances, we figured out the pattern to the breakers -- which controlled which room.

When we'd get sick of the infernal caterwauling of Mr. Michaels, we'd flip the breaker to her room, cutting off the electricty to her stereo but leaving lights, computers, etc "mysteriously" unharmed. She never figured it out -- I told her ex-roommate about it right before we graduated and she [exroommate] was *amazed*.

[Stuffy]

I just wrote about my noisy neighbor a few days ago (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=122158).

[Steve Wright]

I, too, have ranted in the past about noisy neighbours. On the other hand, I've also received death threats from a neighbour for washing my dishes too loudly, so I can appreciate both sides of the problem here. (Steve's Life Lessons #143: if possible, do not share accomodation with prematurely discharged mental patients.)

Perhaps all we reasonable, courteous, well-intentioned apartment livers should get together and rent a place (something like catsix's place) by ourselves, and leave the rest of the world to dance, fornicate, and move furniture around to their little hearts' content?

(In reality, we'd probably all kill each other within thirty-six hours of moving in, but it's a nice idea in theory...)

[catsix]

As long as there are separate bathrooms Steve, I think most of us would be fine.

The worst thing about dorm-type living was going into the bathroom only to find someone had shat all over the walls, floor, toilet seats, sinks, bathtub, showers...

I still have no idea how one person could hold that much shit. Maybe it was multiple people on a midnight-shit-raid?

[FalconFinder]

Steve Wright, that sounds heavenly!!! An apartment complex of people who actually *think* about their fellow neighbors and who are courteous to one another!

The only problem I can see is that we'd all get along so well, that we'd have great, loud, parties and annoy the entire neighborhood! :)

We could call our apartment complex "Utopia."

We'd have to be really diligent on who we let live there, though. Leases would be on a trial basis since tenants would have to prove that they are worthy of living among us before we could allow them to live there long term.

Then, when we've proven that it can be done, countries all over the world would look to our little complex to see how people can live together peacefully and with respect to one another.....

Ok, it's a fantasy, but it's mine, dammit, and I like it! A girl can dream, can't she? :)

[i_rage]

Ok. And your landlord will be a super-smart, giant racoon....

[Toaster52]

I had problems with a neighbor when I lived in Dallas years ago. He would also play his stereo at what seemed full volume at horrendous hours. I complained to the landlord 4 times, with no results; so when one Sunday morning, Love-of-God 5:00 in the A of M he decided to stage another concert, I had had enough. I had a stereo that (if I recall correctly) had 400 watts.....enough to shake the fillings in your teeth, at least. I put my HUMUNGOUS speakers right next to the wall between us, put on Beethoven's Fifth, CRANKED IT......and went for a walk.








Never had any more trouble...................heh

[Toaster52]

I had problems with a neighbor when I lived in Dallas years ago. He would also play his stereo at what seemed full volume at horrendous hours. I complained to the landlord 4 times, with no results; so when one Sunday morning, Love-of-God 5:00 in the A of M he decided to stage another concert, I had had enough. I had a stereo that (if I recall correctly) had 400 watts.....enough to shake the fillings in your teeth, at least. I put my HUMUNGOUS speakers right next to the wall between us, put on Beethoven's Fifth, CRANKED IT......and went for a walk.








Never had any more trouble...................heh