I Found Jesus!

[OpalCat]

I'm so very happy now! (http://gallery.opalcat.com/index.cgi?mode=image&album=/Art/ShirtDesigns&image=couch.jpg)


*chortle*;)

[vivalostwages]

[Forrest Gump]
"I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir."
[/Forrest Gump]



But seriously....I was wondering where he'd gotten off to.
:D

[ijustdontcare]

I should have known! They're always behind the couch!!!

[OpalCat]

My husband made me add the "z z Z Z" part so that it wouldn't look like the mouldering corpse of Christ was back there. Heh.

[Cessandra]

Last time he was in the refridgerator next to the remote and a really old bowl of green beans.

[OpalCat]

I hate that!! Then you have to sprinkle baking soda on him to get the smell out :P

[BraheSilver]

"Mouldering corpse of Christ"

I've found my newest invective. Thanks, Opal! I'll try it out tomorrow.

[taklon]

Jesus today... Elvis tomorrow?? Maybe you be better of finding Osama .. there is a refund on Osamas at the moment

[Ripple]

Damn! I looked between the cushions and everything, but I never thought he could fit back there.

[Kallessa]

Ya know, the last time I found Jesus, he was eating the last of my chocolate chip cookies (more than a dozen, and big ones), and drinking milk right from the carton! Maybe he hid behind your couch because he had a stomach ache. That's what my dog does when she eats too much.

Now that you've found him, what are you going to do with him?

[SkipMagic]

Originally posted by Kallessa
Now that you've found him, what are you going to do with him?

I say put him in a barcalounger for the next 2000 years and see what happens. Give him the remote, some popcorn and then start a pool on which show he becomes hooked on. I vote the "Simpsons" but am leaning toward "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".

[Kallessa]

Originally posted by SkipMagic
Give him the remote, some popcorn and then start a pool on which show he becomes hooked on.


I can see Jesus as a Jeopardy lover. And he might like the medical shows--you know, professional interest, seeing how somebody else heals people. And I know he'd be a Letterman fan, not Leno, not in a million years. Jesus has class.

[OpalCat]

I see him kicking back with a bag of Cheetos and watching Cartoon Network, myself.

[Fern Forest]

This reminds me of an Easter egg hunt 20 years ago. Although that poor chicken embryo was a mouldering corpse.

(We had farm fresh chickens from a neighbor down the road, not the sterile store kind.)

[av8rmike]

The last time I found Jesus, he was inside a cake (http://www.kingcakes.com).

[Guinastasia]

I found him under my bed. He was trying to find my Star Wars Insider Back Issues.

[TV time]

Originally posted by Kallessa
Ya know, the last time I found Jesus, he was eating the last of my chocolate chip cookies (more than a dozen, and big ones), and drinking milk right from the carton!I remember that and you said, "Jesus Christ, who ate my cookies and drank my milk!"

Humm, and I always thought it was a question. Now I find out it was a statement of fact.

[Little Bird]

Once I found Jesus under the fridge. Took me forever to clean the fuzz out of his beard, hair, robes....

[Jemidex]

Hmmmm...I see a bumper sticker in all of this:

WWJH (Where would Jesus hide?)

[widdershins]

Whew! I thought for a minute this was a thread about a fundie alternative to the "Where's Waldo?" books.

[Johnny L.A.]

One of my favourite jokes:

Easter has been cancelled.


















They found the body.

[Banger]

It's always the last place you look.

[RalfCoder]

Originally posted by OpalCat
"..the mouldering corpse of Christ"

Band name!!!!

[widdershins]

originally posted by FNRFR:
It's always the last place you look.

Well, I'd hope so.....:p

[Xavier]

Osiris: (We had farm fresh chickens from a neighbor down the road, not the sterile store kind.)

I've read every other post here, and this is the only piece that's got to be sacreligious.

[WSLer]

Originally posted by OpalCat
I'm so very happy now! (http://gallery.opalcat.com/index.cgi?mode=image&album=/Art/ShirtDesigns&image=couch.jpg)


*chortle*;)

Oh, you're going straight to Hell, none of this being judged by St. Peter bullshit.;)

[Squish]

I found Jesus once...

He was hiding in my trunk on the way back from Nogales.

[Billy Rubin]

I don't care if it rains or freezes,
long as I got a sleeping Jesus
laying in the dust behind my couch

God is gonna get me now for sure.

b.

[OpalCat]

Did you at least stop and get him something to eat at the huge McDonalds at the border by Nogales?

[Rasa]

Yeah, we were discussing this over here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=124320) too.

"How's the weather there in New England?" my friend asked the other day. "Yellow." I replied. Well, it was!

[Rasa]

Um, oops! This was supposed to go in a totally different thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=124428). My humblest apologies!

[Ranchoth]

Originally posted by Kallessa
Now that you've found him, what are you going to do with him?

Personally, I'd stick him in an oversized mason jar and charge $5 a gander. $3 for kids and seniors.


Ranchoth

[Kallessa]

There's cookies missing again. Where's Jesus now?

[cornflakes]

Originally posted by SkipMagic


I say put him in a barcalounger for the next 2000 years and see what happens.Don't. Stomata stains are a bitch to get out of the upholstery.

For what it's worth, Kinky Friedman found Jesus in a men's room near L.A.. (http://www.kinkyfriedman.com/ly-lasso.htm#mensroomlasso) He helped Kinky there and might help someone else if you put him back. Oh God, I am going to hell...