Mixed Metaphors

[Byzantine]

I'm looking for some help on mixed metaphors you have heard. My favorite that my father always says is: That's a horse of a different feather that has lost his color.

[No Me Ayudes Compadre]

I used to work with a woman who once said, "That'll stick out like a red herring."

[Sylence]

Don't know if this counts, but I once said "I'm running around like a head with my chicken cut off."

-- Sylence

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"The problem with reality is the lack of background music." -- Anon

[Shirley Ujest]

This is stolen from Win Ben Stein's Money

"Don't look a whore's gift in the mouth"

and my personal favorite:

"We were like two ships sinking in the night."

[Shirley Ujest]

I use to work with a woman who was from Yugoslavia and spoke excellent english. She would occasionally mix her metaphors. The best one was

"I'm a nervous basket"

When she meant to say, " I'm a basket case."

[Byzantine]

These are GREAT! Keep them coming folks!

[ChuckSki]

I have a coworker who uses

"Well, that's water under the dam."

I guess that's a mix between water OVER the dam and water UNDER the bridge.

My favorite, albeit a bit off of this topic, is the Ted Kennedy response (probably made-up but great any way) to some future event:
"We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it." he he he!!

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"The intellectuals' chief cause of anguish are one another's works."
Jacques Barzun
Cheers! CAL

[AWB]

We'll burn that bridge when we cross it.
Up s**t creek without a paddle.
Close the barn door after you've led the horse to water.
There's more that one way to skin the cat out of the bag.
Don't count all your eggs in one basket.
He who hesitates hasn't leapt first.
Early to bed and late to rise, and your girl goes out with other guys.

[TheNerd]

Take that to the bank and smoke it.
Or, Put that in your Pope and smoke it.

People tell me one thing one day and out the other.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Well, that's more metaphors than you can walk softly and shake a big stick at. In this board there are too many chiefs who are drunk as ten Indians. No racism intended; that would be the pot calling another kettle of fish. Speaking of which, you can give a man one and he eats for a day, but those who can't fish, teach. You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Don't carry all your tunes in one bucket. It is better to light a candle than to curse how many it takes to screw in a lightbulb. Fuck you AND the horse's mouth. It's my way or the highway, buster, and I'm living life in the turn lane. Thank you for your time and temperature.

[Byzantine]

Man, you guys are good! I knew this would be the place to ask this question! Thank you and more MORE!


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The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

[dougie_monty]

In a book titled How to Avoid Matrimony, author Herald Froy makes an interesting comment about the broadcast media coaxing men into marriage:
Änd even when television has its octopus feelers in the pie."

War is hell on wheels. Love is a thorn.
The squeaky wheel gets the elbow grease; oil and water flock together. A rose by any other name smells after 3 days; stop to consider the lillies; seize the daisies. If the shoe fits, it is on the other foot. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single foot in the mouth. Glass houses make good neighbors. You'll be laughing out of the other side of next week. One man's mate is another man's bison. You can't tell a book by its feathers. A bird in the hand is the Devil's workshop; it is the goose that laid the bad apple. If wishes were horses, beggars would eat like French kings. If a tree falls on a mime, does it make a sound? The cat is out of the wet paper bag. There is honey and vinegar in the fly ointment. The ox is slow, but the sword is a plowshare. Guns or butterflies are free to fly into the flame. If you hang around a barbershop long enough, sooner or later you will get fleas. Misery loves strange bedfellows.

[JoeBlank]

Not as funny as the rest, but one of my favorites:

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same of ground, and have we found the same old fears, wish you were here"

Pink Floyd, lyrics by Roger Waters

[Tymp]

A bird in the hand is better than a gift horse in the mouth.

Why buy the cow when the gift horse is free?
It's always darkest before the storm. Still waters and oil don't mix. Don't count your chickens before the well runs dry. Every thorn has a silver lining. She's the apple of a pig's eye. He who laughs last has the best medicine. Don't bite off more than a bitter pill to swallow. Wake up and spill the beans. Too many cooks peed on your wienies.

[Byzantine]

TennHippie I just have to ask: Too many cooks peed on your weenies?

I love it! But is it a combo of "too many cooks spoil the broth" and ... well, what? I don't know any that have weenies in them! Oh boy, I can see that sentence getting me in trouble! Let me know some more on this one!
And a big hug here, folks, I asked this same question in other boards and got a big zip in response. Thanks to all who have shared. Even the non-sequitur Pink Floyd thing (were you looking for the thread, Breathe, Breathe in the air?) Or am I not getting it? That thread is hysterical! I keep hearing, Heave, heave at the fair every time I hear that song on the radio now!




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The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

All the world's a stage and everybody plays the fool. No man is an island port in the storm. When it rains, make lemonade. I don't mean to burst your parade. Let them eat cake and have it, too. Don't bite the hand that knows what the left hand is doing. Blood is thicker than turnip juice. Small acorns don't fall far from the tree. Don't cut off your nose to bury the hatchet. To make an omelette, you gotta break a leg. Sink or swim against the current. There's plenty of fish in the sea to fry. You made your bed, now lay with dogs. A watched pot is half empty; a jug of wine is half full. The pin is tidier than the sword. There's a fox in the cathouse. It's like shooting fish in a barrel of monkeys.

Hey Byz: The Reverend moons many flower children; the followers on one Rev. Moon.

[Byzantine]

TennHippie you keep this up and I'm gonna fall in love!

It really should have read: The Reverend moons many flower children, the followers on butt one Rev. Moon.

[Byzantine]

Okay, gotta change the panties about now... think I laughed so hard I peed!

[Toymaker]

"You buttered your bread. Now you'll have to sleep in it."

"There's been a lot of spilt milk under the bridge."

"This thing is snowballing like a house afire!"

[Shirley Ujest]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it a duck.

Hey Byz: When in Rome, air your dirty landry(or wet panties) in public. Speaking of Rome, it wasn't built on clay feet in a day at the beach, you know. It's all Greek to a blind horse. Spare the rod and spoil the milk. With the faith of a molehill, you can make mountains out of mustard seeds. The early bird gets the wormy apple. Let him who is without sin cast the first vote.

[Gilligan]

Comment I heard this morning: "She doesn't know her ass from a hole in her head."

[okatym]

"Okay, okay, you don't have to beat it with a dead horse".
or
"It's six, or one and a half dozen of the other."

When somebody got a colostomy, I heard a crank say "He don't know his ass from a hole in his side!"

[Byzantine]

TennHippie, here's that thread.

[neuro-trash grrrl]

Hey, these mexed mitaphors are the greatest thing since sliced beer!

[BurnMeUp]

He's about at useless as a weasle in a cardboard shirt!

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Don't let the loveless ones sell you a world wrapped in grey.

[quetz]

Actually came out of my wife's mouth once when she was pissed at the cat:

"I'll hit you so hard you won't know which way is next Tuesday."

[Gozu Tashoya]

I had a co-worker that'd say, "It's no shit off my teeth." Nice picture, huh?

[Levi Fuller]

one of my favorites, from the great lyricist Sting:

"packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes."

What?

[meek]

My favorite malapropism is from Archie Bunker.

"That's about as funny as a rubber crotch"

[Robot Arm]

If he were alive today, he'd be turning over in his grave.

And one of my favorite song lyrics, "A million lemmings can't be wrong."

[KevinLeeC]

I was at a corporate training session once and the presenter used the phrase:

"married at the hip"

to express her committment to an idea.

KC

[PTVroman]

Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

[don willard]

Some of these above aren't so much mixed metaphors as mixed up metaphors, malapropisms, puns, and solecisms. A pure mixed metaphor is, "Soon we'll iron all the bugs out of this problem."

[iksova]

Useless as a chocolate teacup!!!!!

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by Robot Arm
If he were alive today, he'd be turning over in his grave.

And one of my favorite song lyrics, "A million lemmings can't be wrong."

Pray tell..what song would that be?

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by don willard
A pure mixed metaphor is, "Soon we'll iron all the bugs out of this problem."

What's that a mix up of? It sound pretty normal to me just the way it is...

[Tymp]

Creepy.

This thread contains my second (and now my latest) post to the SDMB.

[Myron Van Horowitzski]

Don's right...a true mixed metaphor is not just some frankensteinian aphorism.

The classic example of a mixed metaphor is from Hamlet's soliloquoy: "..take arms against a sea of trouble." If you're going to take arms, metaphorically speaking, it's against an army or host, not some body of water.

Viz, Zoggie, you iron out wrinkles, not bugs.

[Robot Arm]

Originally posted by Zoggie
Pray tell..what song would that be?


It's from Happy Endings (Romeo and Juliet) by Andrew Ratchin. A cheerfully cynical musing on Romeo and Juliet, and romance in general. The full quatrain is

Maybe a lover comes along
Maybe in story or in song
Maybe the heart is really strong
A million lemmings can't be wrong

Full lyrics at http://www.yellowtailrecords.com/lyrics/lyr_belly.html#Romeo


And nobody could mix a metaphor like Yogi Berra.
"Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
"If people aren't gonna come to the ball park, how can you stop them."
"Pair up in threes."

[threetrueoutcomes]

My personal fave, attributed to Villanova basketball coach Jack Kraft:

"That's the nail that broke the coffin's back."

[malaka]

I work with a woman who regularly mixes her metaphors. Such as: I'm between a rock and the frying pan.

Also, (not really a mixed metaphor, but funny nevertheless) from the movie Tommy Boy:

He tries to say: You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it?

But it comes out: You know, you can get a good look at a butcher's ass by shoving your head up it but wouldn't you rather take his word for it?

:)

[teela brown]

From Walt Kelly:

"You can't pull my wool over the ice!"

[don willard]

In "ironing the bugs out" of something the mixed metaphors are metaphor 1: ironing, meaning eliminating wrinkles and thus problems; metaphor 2: getting the bugs out, meaning
eliminating problems. But they are mixed and thus present a picture of bugs being burnt by a hot iron, which is not what the person making the metaphor meant to bring to mind....

[Ponyboy]

I have a friend in the Border Patrol whose boss was raking him over the coals for a poor Spanish test score.
His boss remarked "If you can't cut the cheese you're out of here!"

[tracer]

Robot Arm wrote:

And nobody could mix a metaphor like Yogi Berra.
"Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
"If people aren't gonna come to the ball park, how can you stop them."
"Pair up in threes."

Some more Yogi Berra-isms:

"Batting is 90% mental. The other half is physical."
"Everybody line up in alphabetical order according to height."
"I didn't say half of the things I've said."

[Duke]

Cricket commentary is always good for a few of these...a couple of examples:

"Shoaib [Mohammed] should have been shot at dawn when he came back to the pavilion."

(After a dropped catch) "The batsman survives by the skin of his pants."

Actually, most cricket blunders fall into the category of "Colemanballs"...but that's another thread.

[tracer]

In his book Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort-Of History of the United States, Dave Barry made up a fictitious bad writer who described the 1929 stock market thusly:

"A paper tiger with feet of clay, just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"You can't pull the wool out from under my nose!"

Or...

"You can't pull the wool out from under my nose to the grindstone that gathers no moss!"

[Whammo]

Stumbling from the mouth of my mother...

"The squeeky wheel gets the worm."

..kinda makes sense though.. but I can think of better lubricants...

[PRNYouth]

Peeing on weenies is a malapropism itself, I think. The saying I've heard that is similar to that is spoken to someone who displays a bad attitude for no reason. For example:

Person 1: Hey, Person 2 [catchy name, huh?], can I borrow your stapler?

Person 2: Get off my back, jerk!

Person 1: HEY, who peed in your WHEATIES this morning?

The meaning, I think is obvious, when it is understood that "Wheaties" is a type of breakfast cereal here in the U.S. Someone relieving themselves in my bowl of my favorite breakfast cereal would probably give me a bad attitude, too.

Off the top of my head, no mixed metaphors are on the tip of my tongue.

[laughery]

I was working late inspecting machined parts when the boss said "you better check those parts good, because the customer is going to look them over with a 10-foot pole." Problem is, I understood him.

[Wonko The Sane]

If a bear shits in the woods,
and no-one is there to smell it,
does it still stink?

[Punoqllads]

Out of the frying pan, into a handbasket.
Once the other shoe drops, you can't put the genie back into the can of worms.

Also, from Opus, in Berke Breathed's Bloom County:

"You can lead a yak to water, but, uh... but you can't make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke."

[Snaf]

In Tom Stoppard's play 'The Real Inspector Hound', one character exclaims, "The skeleton in the closet has come home to roost!"

Snaf

[poohpah chalupa]

I like to say "that's the whole ball of worms (or can of wax), but people look at me like I'm some kind of idiot.
Okay, so I am.
Hey, this ain't rocket surgery.

[David Wetzel]

Heard at previous jobs (Business-ese is full of these things):

"It's all the same, 6 dozen of one, half of another"

The unfortunate combining of the cliches "Hit the ground running" (move quickly on the project) and "We've hit the wall" (our resources are streached as far as they can go) once had our director of IS attempt to inspire us by telling us that on this new project we'd "hit the wall running." Ouch.

[Philster]

This is more fun than a barrel full of early birds!

A rolling stone gathers no worms, so don't count your chickens before someone pees on your Wheaties, or I'll beat you like a rubber check.

You know, some of you folks are no spring chickens with their heads cut off.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the watched pot.

To quote Bif from Back to the Future, "...make like a tree and get out of here..."

[Joe_Cool]

My favorite (until I saw this thread):
You can lead a horse of a different color to water, but you can't look in his mouth.

And from Opus (Bloom County):
You can lead a gift horse to water, but you can't make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke!

[Joe_Cool]

Originally posted by Punoqllads
"You can lead a yak to water, but, uh... but you can't make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke."


Oops, he got it right, I got it wrong.

[dmariem62]

I like using mixed metaphors, because they make people stop and think, "did she mean to say that, or is she just not the sharpest knife on the tree?"

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Keep your nose on the ball.

Not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

[Pan]

I had a friend who would say "Perish forbid!"
Instead of Preish the thought or heaven forbid

[chuk99]

Herman Munster, of that fun old TV program, often mixed metaphors. One of my faves was "Behind every dark cloud lies the bluebird of happiness, waiting for the Robert E. Lee."

[don willard]

Goodman Ace, who I think also wrote for the better magazines (when there used to be better magazines) like the SATURDAY REVIEW wrote a radio show called EASY ACES that was on in the 40's and 50's or so. It featured his wife Jane, who was always making mixed metaphors and hilarious malapropisms.
I send out the call for any that anybody remembers or for where to get tapes of this old show. Jane's husband's sister I think it was was Marge, who was boarding with them, and she had a very nice, rich laugh. Jane's most memorable metaphor was, "like a chicken with its hat off."

[K43]

Thank you, from my bottom and my heart.

We must not allow ourselves to be stampeded into stagnation.

It is metaphorical that: The proof is in the pudding!

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by don willard
In "ironing the bugs out" of something the mixed metaphors are metaphor 1: ironing, meaning eliminating wrinkles and thus problems; metaphor 2: getting the bugs out, meaning
eliminating problems. But they are mixed and thus present a picture of bugs being burnt by a hot iron, which is not what the person making the metaphor meant to bring to mind....

Maybe I'm just strange, but I would indeed like to see bugs get burnt by a hot iron.

[Dolores Reborn]

Originally posted by Zoggie
Originally posted by don willard
In "ironing the bugs out" of something the mixed metaphors are metaphor 1: ironing, meaning eliminating wrinkles and thus problems; metaphor 2: getting the bugs out, meaning
eliminating problems. But they are mixed and thus present a picture of bugs being burnt by a hot iron, which is not what the person making the metaphor meant to bring to mind....

Maybe I'm just strange, but I would indeed like to see bugs get burnt by a hot iron.

Especially fire ants!

[caviator]

Hi all,

Long time listener, first time caller. I couldn't resist when the topic is mixed metaphors!

Please check out our little tribute to the mixed metaphor, and post one while you're there.

http://members.aol.com/mixedmetaphors

-Ryan

[Tyelka]

that hit the nail right between the eyes.

[dougie_monty]

In a book titled The Art of Plain Talk, Dr. Rudolph Fleisch (Why Johnny Can't Read) includes this one he found in an article about agricultural and social problems during World War II:
(quote) "...black sheep ducking disgrace.."
Fleisch comments, "Ah! The perfect mixed metaphor at last. :D

[caviator]

And my favorite two have been, and will always be:

"Talk about rubbing salt in the fire!"

and,

"Hey, it ain't exactly rocket surgery!"

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by Dolores Claiborne

Especially fire ants! [/B]

:) Most assuredly.

Okay let's see if i can think of one of these "mix-ed metaphors" for myself. How about...It takes a wise man to know when he's been spoiling the broth that's harder to find than a needle in a public toilet?

[Luckie]

well, i recently mentioned this one in another thread, but my all-time most favoritest mixed metaphore is:

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it"

apologies if it's already been mentioned here...
-luckie

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http://mp3.com/InSyzygy
http://mp3.com/RobRyland

[Landauer]

The best mixed metaphor I've ever heard was coined by a friend of mine:
"people who live in glass houses shouldn't copulate before sundown"

[flup]

this is not a mixed metaphor, but a lovely little mixed rhetorical question from The Big Lebowski:

"Does the pope shit in the woods?"

Fuck. Time to update my signature.

[Fear Itself]

I liked Dick Nixon's thoughts on political fundraising:

"It's hard to build that big fire if you go to the well too often"

[gillygirl]

"sweating like a stuck pig" - I used to say that as a kid, I reasoned it as a pig being stuck up to his knees in the mud on a hot hot day and not being able to move at all....I sure didn't think of "bleeding like a stuck pig"--ewwwwww (I hope I have that right! LOL)

[FairyChatMom]

My dad was heading up a fundraiser at my highschool when I was a senior. At a planning meeting when a number of parents were brainstorming and setting milestones to reach our dollar goal, Dad announced to all present that should we get close, the principal could help us out because he had "an ace up his hole"

[LoriR57]

Here is one from my sister. "Great minds always run in the same gutter."

[Zakalwe]

"You're like a dog barking down the wrong well."

Had a client say that in a meeting, damn near hurt myself trying not to laugh.

Same client said:
"You're like a dog running around a track banging your elbows on the rail."

Followed by an awkward silence as we all tried to figure out what the hell it means. I still don't know, but I try to use it at least once a week...

grem

[Total_distraction]

These were said by a friend of mine, maybe not exactly mixed metaphors but pretty damn funny:

"She's skating on thin water."

"My parents got married out of wedlock."

When I heard the last one I came totally unhinged and fell out of a chair.

[Ron Swiddle]

Even a leopard can't change its spots in the middle of a stream.

[iksova]

Well, thats as clear as a bull in a china shop.

[Eyke]

Originally posted by JoeBlank
Not as funny as the rest, but one of my favorites:

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same of ground, and have we found the same old fears, wish you were here"

Pink Floyd, lyrics by Roger Waters

One of the all time best lyrics in rock. Not funny, but profoundly deep.


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We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread

[Gawain]

An uncle of mine, not on his best day, once cracked us up with these:
"He was all over her like butter on a shitwagon!"
(He claimed he meant to say "buzzards", like that helps.)
"It broke buddy's arm just like a potato!"
(Not really a mixed metaphor, just a really lousy simile.)

And another time, me and a friend were sitting in a movie theatre that lacked air conditioning.
Him: "Geez. I'm sweating like a bandit."
(pause)
Me: "Right. We'll just pretend that's a saying and move on."
Him: "Thank you."

Maybe you had to be there.

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by Landauer
The best mixed metaphor I've ever heard was coined by a friend of mine:
"people who live in glass houses shouldn't copulate before sundown"


That's the best. Hands down. ;) You win! Also...I liked "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it." That was good too.

Here's another. That's the pot calling the kettle of fish black.

[Tyelka]

One friend says: "you're as sharp as a marble."
Other friend replies: "oh yeah, you're as dumb as a knife."

"You're as dumb as a knife" became an often used saying after that exchange!

[tracer]

You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.

[tracer]

"I don't need a compass to tell which way the wind shines."

-- Mr. Furious, Mystery Men

[bryanmcc]

my sister and i like to make up novle combinations of the classic insults of people's inteligence:

a few tacos short of a six-pack
not the sharpest bulb in the drawer
smart as a box of hair
his elevator doesn't go up to the bats in his bellfrey
a few beers short of a happy meal

you get the idea

[dougie_monty]

"people who live in glass houses shouldn't copulate before sundown"
People who live in glass houses may as well get up and answer the door! :D

[Freudian Slit]

Originally posted by dougie_monty
People who live in glass houses may as well get up and answer the door! :D
[/B]

People who live in glass houses should get dressed in the basement.

[Zenster]

Back in prehistoric times, when I was ten or twelve, I coined the phrases:

"Like ships from a sinking rat."

And:

"One who feeds the hand that bites him."

Still works for me to this very day. Ah, the joys of dyslexic being.

[TN*hippie]

O joy!
Good to see this thread revived. I hadn't laughed this hard in a month of coon's ages. Let's not throw the baby out with the watched pot. You don't need a weatherman to know not to spit in the wind. Heads will roll uphill. Opinions are like assholes: everybody knows one. Call a spade a kettle. Hell hath no fury like a wet cat.

Peace,
TN*hippie

[Tabithina]

Note to self: swallow the coffee, then read these posts! Here are my dubious contributions: Don't air your dirty linens by the seat of your pants. Fake it till the fat lady sings. Drunk as a church mouse. When hell freezes the balls off a brass monkey. Put a monkeywrench in your pipe and smoke it. Rules are made to be out of mind. It's an ill wind that blows a blue streak. Too many cooks spoil the devil's workshop. Like a fish with a fifth wheel. Better than a poke in the eye with the tail that wagged the dog. Wake up and smell the gift horse in the mouth. Face the music by my bootstraps. March to the beat of a dead horse. Close enough for rocket science. You catch more flies spinning your wheels. Ad infinitum...----Tabithina

[okatym]

Person A: "Whatcha been doin'?"
Person B: "Not much. Just shootin'the fat, chewin' the shit."

What a visual....

[jjjfishe]

The early bird catches the worm but the early worm gets eaten.

[zekitty]

crime is its own reward

a good woman should be seen and not heard

one foot in and one foot out of a gift horse is nothing to cry over

[TN*hippie]

Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
I wanna know how many ashtrays were licked in order to verify this theory.


They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I'd be happy with one bird in the bush... the one in my hand is getting bored with the routine.

Peace,
Tn*hippie

[Space Vampire]

This isn't a mixed metaphor, but it's an inexcusable mistake given that I saw it in a screenWRITING magazine: "eye-dropping special effects." As in jaw-dropping/eye-popping. Moron.

[Gregor Samsa]

My mother, in a fit of fuious anger, once said:

"It's no funeral off my nose!"

[jaram]

"Please be more PACIFIC" ???
"Take our clients into the BOARDING ROOM" ???
"I didn't hear what you said because I'm a bit DEATH"
"I spoke to a lot of DELICATES at the conference"

[dougie_monty]

In his book Jest What the Doctor Ordered, Dr. Leo Golden includes this item:
"We'll have to change the title of that movie," said Sam Goldwyn, who can mangle a metaphor in "four" ways than one. "It's confusing to call it The Optimist. Not many people know that an optimist is an eye specialist." :D

[Gawain]

Originally posted by jjjfishe
The early bird catches the worm but the early worm gets eaten.

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[Freudian Slit]

I know that we've probably covered this-
But today I heard another one.

It's a golfing one, by (yes) Yogi Berra!
In golfing, half of the putts that are too short never make it in.

Gotta love that one!!

[Daniel Coop]

A Teacher at school once said to me when i was naughty

"You don't come to school to be clever with me young man!"

At which point the class erupted in laughter : )

[Daniel Coop]

The Lord is a shoving Lepard

I'm Nucking Futs

In one Swoul Foop.

[Kilt-wearin' man]

One of my all time favorites was from the AlienNation TV series, (actually they managed to come up with a lot of brilliant ones, but this one I remember 10 years later):

George: "Wild whores could not drag me away, Matthew!"
Matt: "HORSES, George. Wild horses."

Gotta love it. What a visual...