The Simpsons

[dasmoocher]

Personally, I think the Simpsons is one of the funniest shows on TV. I like the Pulp Fiction episode where the cops are talking about McDonalds: the deputy talks about the Krusty Burger being called the QuarterPounder. (McDonalds? Never heard of it. Me neither, but apparently there are over 2000 locations in this state alone.) Chief Wiggims asks if McDonalds has (I'm paraphrasing from memory here) "partially homogenized algar-based gelatinous frozen dairy drinks? The deputy says "Yeah, but they call them shakes." To which Wiggims responds: "Shakes, huh? You don't know what you're getting." Anybody got some other favorites lines or scenes that they would like to share?

[Byzantine]

Doh!

When Homer calls that sad sack, Frank Grims, Grimy

When Homer tells Lisa, "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."



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You can count the number of apples in one tree but never the number of trees in one apple.

[Markxxx]

The other day the had the episode where Moe sets up Homer and lands him in jail...Homer steals a cart of books breaks out of prison and is using the cart like a skatboard. He's got a really mad look on his face he says

HOMER: Must kill moe, must kill moe
(Suddenly he puts both feet on the cart and rides it like a shopping card)
HOMER: WEEEEEE
(Back to the mad face)
HOMER: Must kill moe, must kill moe
(he rides the cart like a shopping cart)
HOMER: WEEEEE

[Big Iron]

Lisa: "Perhaps there is no moral to this story."

Homer: "Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened."

[Jophiel]

Just a short few (I could type dozens)

"That crazy lady who lives in our trash heap attacked me today." "That's not the way she tells it"

"Weasling out of things is what seperates us from the animals. Well, except the weasels."

"I'm cold, and there's wolves after me"

"Be they Christian, Jew or.. miscellaneous." "Hindu. There are a hundred million of us, you know." "Well, that's super."

...and of course, my .sig line

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"I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn't."

[Jophiel]

Damn it. Forgot one of my all-time favorites.

"But Dad, if you're the police, who'll police the police?"
"I dunno.. Coast Guard?"

[Omniscient]

The greatest ever:

Marge: Homer, why don't you just go the the adult learning center and get your degree.
Homer: But Marge, everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain.
Marge: Don't be ridiculous
Homer: Remember that time I took that wine making class, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: Homer, You were Drunk!
Homer: And How :)!!!

And,

Moe after he get's him arrested: Homer can ya every forgive me?
Homer: Moe, i can't stay mad at you. You get me drunk.
They hug.

I too could go on and on.

[Omniscient]

Another good one.

Bart somehow causes a organ transplant team transporting a liver to spill it out onto the side walk. Barney than walks by and sees it and says: "Oh no you don't, your not getting away from me again!" Picks it up, and stuffs it into his shirt.

Another,

Homer screws up the hippies (played by George Carlin and another famous guy i can't think of) organic juice factory ala Ben & Jerry's. He then decides to make amends by producing a new shipment of juice from he hippies "private stash" of presumably peyote and mary jane. So the big shipment distributed around Springfield, and the entire town starts tripping. Barney sitting on his couch hallucinating begins seeing the Greatful Dead Bears bouncing about, freaking him out. Then all of a sudden a giant pink elephant busts in through the door and tramples the bears. Barney says: "Hey Pinky, I can always count on you."

[jayron 32]

Best simpsons dialog ever, from early season (first or second):

Lisa: Hey mom, what's Santa's Litle Helper doing to that girl dog?
Bart: It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Go on boy, you can do it!

It's a classic, and still my favorite...

Or there's:

Homer: Damn you Walt Whitman! Leaves of Grass, my ass! I ... HATE ... YOU ... WALT ... FRIGGING ... WHITMAN!

Or possibly:

Homer: In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

Finally, one of my favorite scenes of all times comes from the "Omega Man" Halloween episode, where Homer runs over Johnny and Edgar Winters, screaming "Get out of my way you pasty-faced zombies!" Not funny now, but if you a) saw it when it happened and b) knew who the Winters Brothers were, it was a classic moment.

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Jason R Remy

"No amount of legislation can solve America's problems."
-- Jimmy Carter (1980)

[Rilchiam]

You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

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Remember, I'm pulling for you; we're all in this together.
---Red Green

[Markxxx]

How could I forget

HOMER: I have to wait five days to get a gun. But I'm mad now!! Lousy guy thinks he's so big. Boy if I had my gun....

[middsy]

Some Homer classics:

'Ha, Ha, look at this country, you are gay' (Uruguay)

On tightening the family finances:
Bart: 'I've decided to start smoking and then give it up'
Homer: 'That's very commendable boy, I admire anyone who gives up smoking, heres a dollar'

'Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history,
'From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree'
Aaaaahhhh.

'Bart, a woman is lot like a refridgerator, 6ft tall, 300lbs, hmm hang on a minute a woman's just like a beer, they smell nice, you'd step over your own mother to get another and once you've had one, you gotta try another woman'

'Marge, you being a cop makes you the man of the house which makes me the woman, which I have no interest in except from occasionally trying on the underwear which as we discussed was simply a comfort thing.'

Homer, the best actor I know!

English fan

[Scoobysnax]

Homer: If you don't like your job you don't quit! You just go in there everyday and do it realy half assed!

Note, I am not sure if it is quit or strike.

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Scoobysnax

Save water drink beer!

[SqrlCub]

Lunchlady: More testicles mean more iron.

Ralph: The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I kept my fingers out of there.

Bart: God shmod I want my monkey man.
(I actually use this one often but modify it...ie Turkey shmurkey ad nauseum)


SC

[bernard]

"Lisa, inside each of us is a battle between good and evil that can never be resolved"

Image of evil Homer dancing on good Homer's grave singing and dancing (something like a one person congo line):

"I am evil Homer ... I am evil Homer ... "

==========

Another favorite is Homer's battle with Bart's "Big Brother" father.

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Homer's ninja impersonation on "Whacking Day".

==========

But I think my truest favorite is when Homer battles Bart in video boxing. Women, in general, do NOT get this! The triumph of a boy over his father is a great moment ... therefore the triumph of a father over his boy is so much sweeter! BUT Oh no ... Marge doesn't understand about the battle between father and son ... she can't wait 2 frickin' seconds for Homer to grab his moment in the spotlight ... to show his boy that he can still put him in his place ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH! Every women I have asked about this has said that Marge was right to pull the plug. It is just a stupid game, and Lisa had some feelings to share. *sob* *cry* They just don't get it!

Plus the lines are way cool.

Homer: "Ha blocked it ... missed me."

Homer: "Bart the bloody pulp Simpson is on the ropes. He's hoping I'll put him out of his misery. Well, you're in luck Bart ... her comes my right ... OH NO!!"

Bart: "I would like to take this moment to announce my retirement from video boxing."

=========

Oh, and one more. "Please God, give a bald guy a break." Love that line. It is said with such heartfelt ... misery, you can't help put feel some pity and compassion for poor Homer.

[NicePete]

Just the first couple to come to mind:

Ralph Wiggum: When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.

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Superintendant Chalmers: Without that "H" how will anyone know it's a Honda?

Also, somebody mentioned earlier the "Pulp Fiction" like episode. Whatta classic!



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"Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!" W. Smithers

[Ukulele Ike]

Constantly used in reference to my two kids, out of their hearing, one hopes:

Marge: (referring to the promise to send them to summer camp) Now, Homie, remember our promise to the children...

Homer: You bet I do! Eighteen years old and you're OUT THE DOOR!

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Uke

[BoHunk]

I have to go with Bernard, I think that the video boxing episode is the overall best one, I just love Lisa's blues song, or Homer's line..."The saddest moment in a boy's life is when he realizes that he can do things better than his dad, and Bart experienced that at age 4!"

[Born2Read]

I have many favorites. Two that stand out are Homer telling Marge "It takes two to lie; one to lie and one to listen.", and Ralph saying "This is the rock where I saw the leprecaun. He tells me to burn things."

[Shirley Ujest]

I love the Simpsons. Always fresh. I agree with the " Five day waiting period to buy a gun? But I'm angry now.."

Or when Homer exits the bar and sees his perfect double and says, " It's my doppleganger...oh look at the dog with a fluffy white tail!"

[asstro]

If I'm quoting from Homer, I'm not quoting the Iliad...

Homer: I'm not much of a praying man, but save me Superman!

Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal's rights, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I'm sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer: That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too

Homer Simpson: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Homer: God bless those Pagans

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Homer: So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end

Bart: Hey Homer, this house sucks!
Homer: Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy.

Homer: Trying is the first step to failure.

Homer Simpson: I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!

Homer Simpson: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaaming

[Rodd Hill]

All-time suciest Simpsons line:

Burns: "What do you think, Smithers?"
Smithers: "I think women and seamen don't mix, sir."
(From the first Halloween episode, I think)

Burns' father: "The Japanese! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders!"

Homer: "Fist you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

Krusty: "I heartily endorse this event or product."

[cmkeller]

Statistics can be used to prove anything! 14% of all people know that!

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Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@schicktech.com

"Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks."
-- Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective

[Gail]

I love the episode where Bart put a phony personal ad in the paper and Mrs. Krabapple
(his teacher) answered it. Bart had to break off the relationship. He shared his problem with his family.
Lisa: You have to let her down easy.
Homer: How about "Welcome to Dumpville. Population: You?

Also when Mrs. Krabapple showed the sex education video about the two rabbits falling in love. The video showed the rabbit couples wedding night. All the kids in the class said EEEEEW. Mrs. Krabapple in a very blase tone said "She's fakin' it."

Remember the film making contest. Barney made the winning film and it was so hilarious--He went to a girl scout meeting thinking it as an AA meeting.
Then at the end of the film he said "Don't cry for me--I'm already dead."
A lot of people I know don't "get" the Simpsons. It is often brilliant.

I love the movies they show to the students.

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Gail
"Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you, my friend--
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again...."
-Steely Dan

[dasmoocher]

Groundskeeper Willie: "My first act as Mayor is to kill the lot o ya and burn the town to ashes."
Troy McClure: "Don't you beleive iy Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.

[Drain Bead]

"You've got the Shinning, boy!"
"Isn't that the Shining?"
"Shhhh, you wanna get sued?"

I love the Halloween episodes. My favorite one is the one with the time toaster, where Homer goes to the perfect world, with the perfect kids, house and wife. He sits down to breakfast, ready to stay for good, and asks for a donut. All Marge says is "What's a donut?" Homer screams and runs from the table, grabbing the toaster and going to another time. Marge and the kids stay at the table, and suddenly, from out the window you can see donuts falling from the sky. Marge looks at them and says "Oh, dear, it's raining again."

[DoctorJ]

Detective Don Brodka, head of security at Try-N-Save (who catches Bart shoplifting):
"If I wanted smoke blown up my ass I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose."

Dr. J

Brilliant show--best writing on TV and it gets better every season! I think I will burn my TV when it goes off the air. My own favorite moments:

Homer hitting a statue of a deer--
Homer: "D'oh!"
Marge: "A deer!"
Lisa: "A female deer!"

And the time Marge's mother told Homer's father that her youthful beauty drove all her friends crazy:
Abe: "Which friends?"
Jacqueline: "Oh, Zelda Fitzgerald, Frances Farmer, little Sylvia Plath . . ."

. . . And the entire "Sharry Bobbins" episode (their all-round best, I think).

[Mojo]

"We'll live like kings- damn hell ass kings!"

[chief]

its too good, the funniest show ive ever seen.
i cant even begin to name my favorite quotes...

but you gotta love the episode where he goes to NY!

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Chief's Domain - http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi

[Kamino Neko]

'Can't Sleep. Clown'll eat me.'

- Bart, when Homer builds him a clown-bed just after Lisa's birth.

(And man, I don't blame 'im, that was one creepy-assed looking clown!)

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'They couldn't hit an Elephant from this dist...!'

Last words of General John Sedgwick

[Gilligan]

Wish I knew the line exactly, but Apu once cursed:
"Shiva H. Vishnu!"

Mr. Burns: "I've got a rocket in my pocket, Smithers."
Smithers: "You don't have to tell me, sir!"

Voiceover on Krusty's commercial offering free checks: "Checks will not be honored."

[Big Iron]

"We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears!"

[Globe-trotter]

One of my favourite episodes is where the family goes to a fair and Lisa sees a fortuneteller, who then tells her all about her future (i.e. she won't marry the guy). When Lisa complains about it, the fortune teller replies, "I specialize in relationships where you get jerked around!" (or something to that effect. I'm paraphrasing, I forget the rest of the dialogue) I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
On another note, I saw "The Simpsons" in French a couple of times, and the translation was absolutely brilliant. It was adapted to the Quebec market with plenty of Quebec references (and swearing) ;) One episode I remember watching was the one where the teachers are on strike and Lisa is freaking, she's saying that if teachers don't go back to work soon, she won't be able to get a decent education and will have to settle for a certain university in Montreal. It was a hoot! (you had to be there) ;)

[Rodd Hill]

"Is there a chance the track will bend?"
"Not on your life, my Hindu friend!"
"What about us brain dead slobs?"
"You'll be given cushy jobs!"

...and of course, Homer's one-second-too-late
"Mono--d'ohh!" at the end of the 'number'.

[Jophiel]

but you gotta love the episode where he goes to NY!"Of course you're going to hate New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs"

[Big Iron]

"Your Honor, I feel so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt that I can waste the court's time rating the super-hunks."

Oh man, The Simpsons are why television was invented! A hundred great quotes per episode.
Some of my faves begin with "This is Troy McClure. You probably remember me in such films as...." Also the way Mr. Burns always says "Simpson, eh?"....jeez, I gotta stop or I'll go on all night...

P.S. Jophiel: is that quote really from The Simpsons? Which episode? (I love that quote)

[Born2Read]

I don't remember the episode, but Homer once told Marge "Sure, everything looks bad if you remember it". Too true.

[Rodd Hill]

In one of the episodes centering on Apu (when he became a US citizen??), it is revealed that he attended classes at the
Springfield Heights Institute of Technology.

Also, for some reason, I found Donald Sutherland saying "Ah! My microwave johnnycakes are ready!" to be hilarious.

Burns has many great lines, especially ones relating to his great age, and his anachronistic references ("Sir, your left fielder has been dead for 117 years.") "I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts and less Franklin Roosevelts!"

[bernard]

I can't believe I forgot about the insect overlords! I absolutely love that one. Thanks for the reminder!

[curious george]

The red haired, Scottish janitor, Willie is hilarious. Also, the foreign exchange student is funny.

So, where is this Simpson's Springfield? Ha Ha! We already covered that in the GQ forum.

The Simpsons show is getting old, though. I prefer South Park now. At least they are absolutely clear where the town is located, Colorado.

[Stevie Rave On]

One of Troy McClure's funniest greetings:

Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such educational films as "Designated Drivers, the life saving nerds."

[voguevixen]

My two favorites are #1, the one where Mr. Burns brings in all the professional baseball players to work at the plant so they can be on his baseball team. Favorite quote (I forget which player, but after he receives a near lethal dose of radiation): "Can't....lift....arm....or .....speak....at....normal...rate....." and when Mr. Burns comes up with the brilliant strategy of having Darryl Strawberry hit a home run ("okie-dokie, skip!"): "I told him to do that!"

#2, the "Hullabalooza" episode that features Peter Frampton and the Smashing Pumpkins. "What are you kids so down about?"
"You're right! We're millionaires -- I'm going to go buy a mink bikini!"

Anything out of Ralph Wiggum's mouth is sheer genius. "Mrs. Krabappel? My red crayon is missing." (With red crayon debris ringing his mouth.) "My cat's name is Mittens!" "I sure am glad you cho-cho-chose me!" and who can ever forget "I saw principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel in the closet and they were making a baby and I saw the baby and it smiled at me!"

And my favorite quote of all is from Grandpa, used frequently in our household whenever someone is rambling incoherently: "I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time..."

[voguevixen]

Oh, man...I totally forgot. "The steel industry's been gay for years, Homer...Everyone knows that!" and the end where it's dedicated to the Steel Workers of America "Keep reaching for that rainbow!"

and of course, the Pulp Fiction episode. Is that the one entitled "33 short films about Springfield?" I couldn't believe it when they actually showed Chief Wiggum tied up with that ball in his mouth. For anyone who's seen Pulp Fiction (and who hasn't) that is so daring and bold, I can't get over it.

[Eris]

The "22 Short Films" episode was a spoof of "32 Short Films About Glen Gould" - and I've never seen such an esoteric reference before in my life. The original was about Glen Gould, a Canadian pianist and total wacko.

The Pulp Fiction parody was in that episode, but it was only part of it.

The thing that I love about the Simpsons is that it isn't afraid to use stuff like obscure artsy films or Gilbert and Sullivan. My all-time favourite episode is the one in which Sideshow Bob performs the entire HMS Pinafore while trying to kill Bart. It's not dumbed down half as much as most TV.

Exactly why I love it, Eris--as per my quotes above, what other TV show--on ANY channel, let alone Fox!?--would make a reference to Zelda Fitzgerald, Frances Farmer and Sylvia Plath?

[dasmoocher]

How about Homer's soul donut. Flanders as the Devil: "It's always the person you least expect, Homer." And the jury of the damned with the '76 Flyers and Richard Nixon.
Nixon (appearing): "But I'm not dead."
Flanders/Devil: "Quiet! I've done you some favors."
Nixon: "Yes, Master."

[Fatal Image]

LOL Markxxx. So glad you quoted that gun episode. Laughed uncontrollably when you reminded me of that line :)

Here's one of my favorite Simpsons quotes:

[Bart was caught shoplifting and his parents have found out]

Homer: "I've figured out the boy's punishment. First: he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second: no eggnog. In fact, no nog, period. And
third, absolutely no stealing for three months."

[voguevixen]

What a great thread, I'm just busting a gut over these. It's like an all punchline episode!
"Mrs. Krabappel, are you trying to seduce me?"

[dasmoocher]

I almost forgot the Paul McCartney episode. Lisa decides to become a vegetarian and the family is eating breakfast; Lisa refuses to eat bacon.
Homer: "What about sausage?"
Lisa: "NO!"
Homer: "What about ham?"
Lisa: "Daaaad, all those products come from the same animal".
Homer: "Oh, suuuuure, Lisa. Some kind of wonderful, maaaaagical animal."

[mr john]

Apu loses his job at the kwiky mart and moves in with the simps, he sings 'who needs the kwiky mart' the family joins in at the end each singing a line that ends with a rhyme with 'mart', homer has the last line,'the kwiky marts the place ...DOH!'
"Saxamaphoooone" The entire bit with the big man in the little car. 'doh! nuts! mmmmm doooonuts' homer in the land of chocolate Admit it folks ,watching the Simpsons embiggens us all.

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"............"-Marx

[mr john]

DOH! How could i forget the musical version of Planet of the Apes? And the whole something 'fishy' about Troy?

[voguevixen]

Oh, just one more...from the Michael Jackson episode when Bart is writing Lisa a birthday jingle.

"Lisa! Her teeth are big and green.
Lisa! She smells like gas-o-line!
Lisa! da da da Disa,
You are my sister, your birthday, I missed-a!"

Also when Marge is on hold calling the mental hospital and the hold Musak is Patsy Clines' "Crazy"

[Jophiel]

P.S. Jophiel: is that quote really from The Simpsons? Which episode? (I love that quote)Yep. It's Marge's response when, after getting Itchy & Scratchy toned down for violence, she's expected to fight against Michelanglo's David for its obscenity.

For those of you wondering what quote.. here it is: :)

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"I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn't."

[UncleBeer]

"Can't talk, coming down," Lisa says this when she gets home after ingesting some substance.

This has to be my all time favorite:
"Good rice, Good curry, Good Ghandi, Let's hurry!" Apu's grace before a meal he ate with the Simpson's.

This isn't a qoute but I find it quite hysterical. Homer and family are buying a pool and the sign on the shop says, "Pool Sharks - Where the Buyer is our Chum."

[UncleBeer]

Damn, there goes my typing finger again. I hate misspelled words.

[Louie]

DOH! How could i forget the musical version of Planet of the Apes? And the whole something 'fishy' about Troy?

*cue 80's pop music*

Help,
the humans,
are about to escape.
Get your hands off of me,
you dirty ape.

*gasp*
He can talk
he can talk he can talk he can talk
he can talk he can talk he can talk...
I can siiiiinnnngg!

Ooh, help me Dr. zaius

refrain:
dr. zaius, dr. zaius
dr. zaius, dr. zaius
dr. zaius, dr. zaius
ooooh, dr. zaius.
dr. zaius, dr. zaius

What's wrong with me?
I think your crazy.
I want a second opinion.
You're all so lazy.

Refrain.

Can I play the piano anymore?
Of course you can.
Cuz I couldn't before.

Refrain x 2

I hate every ape I see
from chimpan-a to chimpanze
and you'll never make a monkey
out of meee.

Oh my god, I was wrong
it was earth all along,
you finally make a monkey...
Yes we finally made a monkey...
Yes you finally made a monkey
Out of meeeee!
I love you Dr. Zaius!

Oh, and I nearly forgot--the fact that Homer bought his gun at BLOODBATH AND BEYOND still makes me giggle. To this day I can't pass a BED, BATH AND BEYOND without smirking.

[Ike Witt]

Kent Brockman: I for one welcome our new insect overlords.

Ah! The Simpsons! I freakin' LOVE The Simpsons! And, I'm freakin' tired tonight, so I'm just going to start with my two signature lines, which are, of course, Simpson quotes (the first spoken by Ralph, the second by Homer in a flashback episode).

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"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

[AuraSeer]

I once had a .WAV file that supposedly contained every one of Homer's "Doh!" exclamations for about three years. Lost it in a hard drive crash, and haven't been able to find it again.

::sigh::

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I'm not a warlock.
I'm a witch with a Y chromosome.

[makphisto]

Marge: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
Homer: Does he have new glasses?
Marge: No. He seems sad and withdrawn...
Homer: Maybe he misses his old glasses.
Marge: No... I'd like to talk to him about his problems, but I'm afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair...
Marge: Homer! That's not what I meant!
Homer: It is, Marge, admit it.

[NicePete]

Jimbo (to Nelson): You kissed a girl...That's so GAY!

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"Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!" W. Smithers

Hey, Auraseer, the 32 D'ohs! wav is my shut down sound. I can send it to you, if you'd like. :D

Other Simpson sounds on my computer: "Welcome to the Homer Simpson program!"(Homer)--welcome to AOL
"Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on."(Mr. Burns)--Startup
"Aw, how come I never get any mail?" (Bart)--got mail (sometimes alternated with Homer's "Stupid junkmail!")
"Hidely-Ho!"(Flanders)--Buddy In
"So long, su--UH!!"(Bart)--Buddy Out
"Uh-oh...that sounded bad." (Wiggum)--program error
"Hmmmmm!" (Marge's famous mutter)--Drop
"Excellent."(said most deviously by Mr. Burns)--Goodbye/sign off
And of course, there's more. I have about 75 Simpson wavs at last count.

One of my all-time favorite episodes is Halloween II, where James Earl Jones does a reading of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven." My mom, who hated the Simpsons, now shows her high school English class that clip every year.

Most of my favorite lines have been said...Other loved lines: "Marge, can you close your eyes? I'm trying to sleep." (Homer)

(From the episode where Lisa is lost in the city, and Homer is trying to find her--goes up and buys a whole bucnh of helium balloons): "Sure hope this works...[pause, turns to a construction worker]...These are for you if you let me use your cherry picker." "Well, I already have some balloons at home, but these are nicer. Okay!"

And Rodd, you forgot my favorite part of this quote:
Burns: "What do you think, Smithers?"
Smithers: "I think women and seamen don't mix, sir."

Burns: "Yes, we all know what you think, Smithers."


------------------
"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

[Rodd Hill]

You're right LauraRae, I should have added the 'stinger'.

I use Simpsons sounds on my work computer (which drives the others nuts!)

Menu pulldown: Mr. Burn's saying "Yoink!"
New mail sound: Krusty's laugh
Empty recycle bin: Krusty saying "AAWWW CRAP!"
open program: Homer's "WooHoo!"
notice or problem: Nelson's "Ha Ha!"
minimize: Burns saying "Well, that's leprosy for you!"
maximize: Burn's "Excellent!"
Close program: Willie saying "Bonjourrrrr...ye cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

I also have Edmund Blackadder saying "Cork it, Fatso!" for delete.

Isn't technology wonderful?

[Born2Read]

The Troy McClure marries Selma episode was on last night and it had one of the best lines. Troy is dreaming of his upcoming success if they have a baby. Maybe, he thinks, he'll even have his own fragrance-"Smellin' of Troy".

[Jophiel]

"Baby, Jubjub is faaaaaanstastic! He's everywhere you want him to be!"


Program Error - "Core meltdown in 10 seconds"
Shut Down - Krusty saying, "Ehh.. I could pull a better cartoon out of my aaaa---hey! Whoah! Wasn't that great, kids?"
Empty Recycle Bin - "Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out"
Got Mail - "I am the Lizard Queeeeen!" (scares the hell out me evey time)

D'OH! Auraseer, you have no Email! :( I was just going to send the 32 D'oh!s to you.

[Rilchiam]

"All right [sigh], when I say 'Hello, Mr. Thompson' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod." Use when someone still doesn't get it after repeated explanations.

------------------
Remember, I'm pulling for you; we're all in this together.
---Red Green

[Omniscient]

Here's some links to all those sounds.

http://www.bcpl.net/~jasonk/frames.html

[Omniscient]

Another one http://kdawg.webprovider.com/

Louie this is for you http://www.kantor.net/simpson/zaius.wav

[Gundhilde]

haven't read the whole thread yet, but thought I'd reply before I forget some of my favorites:


"Hey, the lamp's running away. Bye lamp!" (Grandpa, my favorite character!)


And then there's:


"....but I'd be afraid of smothering him!" (Marge)


"Yeah...and then we'd get the chair." (Homer)


"That's not what I meant!"


"It was, Marge, admit it."

------------------
"Who controls the past controls the future; who controls the present controls the past." --1984

[m anderson]

Here's a Simpson's freeware desktop theme you can download. I've changed a lot of the event sounds to my preferences, but it's worth getting for the maggie animated cursor alone!
For wallpaper I use a bmp I found that shows Bart at the chalkboard. I replaced what it said with "I will not break Bill Gates Windows." (He has a slingshot in his back pocket.)
http://softseek.com/Desktop_Enhancements/Desktop_Themes/Movies_TV_and_Comics/Review_10407_index.html

[Falcon]

My favorites:

"No beer and no cable makes Homer...something, something."
"Go crazy?"
"Don't mind if I do!!!"

*****

"Can't kill family now...eating."

*****

"I seem to have misplaced my pants."

[Ike Witt]

I loved it when Homer was watching the news and they say that booze causes liver problems and rectal cancer... Homer's response? MMmmmm beer.

[voguevixen]

Oh, man...I can't believe I forgot this one: Homer and Mr. Burns are playing golf...

Mr. Burns -- "For that shot you want to use an open-face club, a sand wedge."

Homer -- "Mmmmmmm, open-faced club sandwich!"

[AuraSeer]

LauraRae, I already have the 32dohs.wav file. The one I'm talking about was much, much longer.

[RFlowers]

I use some Simpson's sounds on my system, too - thought I'd share, hope no one minds:
Critical Stop - http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/awwcrap.wav
Exclamation - http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/gramps.wav
New Mail - http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/mailhere.wav
Start Windows - http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/homcomp.wav (a natural)
...and this is from War Games, not the Simpsons, but it is so apt...
Program Error - http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/syssucks.wav
Cya

Russ

[RFlowers]

OK, so I got too clever in the last post. Here... http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/awwcrap.wav


http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/gramps.wav


http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/mailhere.wav


http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/homcomp.wav


http://www.accessky.net/users/flowershome/sounds/syssucks.wav



(I'll try it again)

[Rodd Hill]

These just keep floating into my consciousness...

Homer: "Marge, do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men?"

and

Mayor Quimby (in reference to incriminating photos: "You can't scare me! That could be anyone's ass!"

[Falcon]

From last night's episode:

Burns: "Smithers, remove my belt!"
Smithers: "With pleasure, sir!"

Damn, I love this show...

[pldennison]

The curator of the Springfield Historical Society: "You are banned from this Historical Society! You, and your children, and your children's children! For three months!"

Todd Flanders, praying before bedtime " . . . and thank you for sending Lisa to save us from the moth you sent us."

Grandpa: "Time for bed, Bart."
Todd: "I'm not Bart, I'm Todd Flanders."
Grandpa: "Don't backtalk me! Lisa, get me a switch!"
Rodd: "Yes, sir!"

My favorites are often the signs which appear in front of buildings:

"Springfield Historical Society--Where The Dead Come Alive (Metaphorically Speaking)"

"Painless Dentistry (Formerly Painful Dentistry)"

"Fallout Boy Auditions Here (Well, Not Here, Inside)"

"God Welcomes His Victims"

[The Ryan]

When there's a radioactive leak, Mr. Burns jumps into the escape pod. Mr. Smithers tries to get in with him, saying "But there's two seats". Mr. Burns replies "I like to put my feet up".

When Homer's making moonshine, Marge asks him what he's doing. He says "Marge, I'm not going to lie to you." Then he walks away.

In one of the Halloween episodes (best place to look for hilarity) the school is slowly killing of students and feeding them to the remaining students. The first to go is Gunther (I think). The students know he's gone, but don't know what happened to him. Principal Skinner say something like "Don't worry, he's still with us in spirit. You might say there's a little bit of Gunther in all of us. In fact, you might even say that you're eating Gunther right.. umm, I think I've said too much."

After the Brad Goodman lecture, Lisa cries out "But he's just peddling easy answers!" and someone says "and how!"

------------------
-Ryan
" 'Ideas on Earth were badges of friendship or enmity. Their content did not matter.' " -Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

[NicePete]

How about after the Brad Goodman lecture, when the audience is chanting "Be Like the Boy! Be Like the Boy!" and Granpa and Jasper yell "We Like Roy! We Like Roy!"

------------------
"Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!" W. Smithers

[cmkeller]

In one of the Halloween episodes (best place to look for hilarity) the school is slowly killing of students and feeding them to the remaining students. The first to go is Gunther (I think).

The German student's name is "Uter."

And one of my favorites is also a Halloween episode, specifically, the story in which Homer keeps going back in time due to a malfunctioning toaster.

Chaim Mattis Keller

[Rodd Hill]

Chief Wiggum:

"Mmmm, engine-blackened eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sittin' pretty."

[Omniscient]

I want to install some of these sound into my OS compand sounds, but can't figure out how. anyone point me in the right direction on Windows 98?

[staypuft]

The Simpsons has so many hilarious quotes and characters that it could never possibly equalled. I want to start a religion based on the Simpsons.

Mr. Van Houten: "Milhouse, give him back his soul, I've got work tomorrow." [when Bart tries to get back the soul he sold to Milhouse]

Homer, seeing Mr. Van Houten's album: "Can I borrow a feeling? Hahahaha"
Mr. Van Houten: "Go ahead, laugh."
Homer: "But I already did."

Homer, after Marge leaves him over his gun:
"You know how to cook?"
Milhouse, excitedly: "Do I?"

The previously mentioned time-toaster segment episode was not only funny, it was the only time I've seen the consequences of time travel accurately portrayed... no sci-fi I've ever seen has.

Best episode, besides Hallowe'en and Pulp Fiction: the spin-off showcase or spin-off extravaganza (I forget), featuring Chief Wiggum's arch-enemy saying, "Down in the bayou, we have a little something called.. BLUH!" [throws Ralph at chief, jumps off riverboat and swims away]

[Therealbubba]

Homer: $10,000 for the elephant? We're gonna be millionairs!

All of the Itchy & Scratchy titles. Sundae Bloody Sundae & The Last Traction Hero come to mind.

South Park isn't even in the same league.

[Sonic]

Too many funny scenes to count! One of my favorites would probably be in the Halloween episode where Homer is trying to get a last minute B-day presant for Bart, and he goes to this occult shop. I just love the conversation between Homer and the shop owner (I can't remember word for word)-

Homer: I'll take.......that one.
(Homer picks out a talking Krusty doll)
Shopguy: This doll has been cursed
Homer:Ooh, that's bad.
Shopguy: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopguy: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopguy: But it comes with your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Shopguy: The topping contains potassium benzoate.
(Blank look on Homer's face)
Shopguy: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now????

Love that scene. I also love all the Troy McLure videos.............I could go on forever.

[dasmoocher]

I forgot to add the ending to the 'soul donut' episode-Flanders/Devil:"Let the accursed donut be forever upon your head."
Cut to Homer with a donut for a head and picking at it and eating it.
Marge: "Homer! Stop picking and eating your head."
Homer: "But I'm so tasty."
Cut to the cops with coffee waiting outside the Simpson house.
Wiggum: "Don't worry, boys. He's got to come outta there sometime."

Oh, how about when Chief Wiggum arrested Ned Flanders and snarled, "Nyah, where's your savior NOW, Flanders?" A wonderful in-joke about Edward G. Robinson's similar line in a biblical film! The Simpson's gets away with some hilarious anti-religious stuff that amazes me sometimes.

[pldennison]

Oh man, what a classic last night--the episode in which Sideshow Bob takes a job with brother Cecil. When Bob "reminds" him of his "problem with trying to kill people":

Cecil: "Oh, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last ten years. In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears."

Bob: "Touche."

Also, when Bob finds Lisa and Bart rummaging through his dumpster, then shows up at the family's doorstep:

Bob: "Madam, your children are no more . . .than a pair of ill-bred pests!"

Homer: "Even Lisa?"

Bob: "Oh, especially Lisa. But especially Bart!"

[NicePete]

Since we're on a Wiggum kick, how about when Bart got tired of the superdog, Laddie, and gave him to Wiggum.
Wiggum: For real? Gee thanks Mister, I'll play with him every day, and feed him and everything.

Also: That's some nice flutin', boy.

------------------
"Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!" W. Smithers

[Globe-trotter]

Another bit of the episode with Sideshow Bob and his brother Cecil.

At one point, Bart jumps on Cecil's back and yells, "Guess who?"

And what does Cecil answer?

"Maris?"



------------------
I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
Alexandre Dumas the Younger (1824-1895)

[MissTangerine]

I think the funniest Simpsons joke is from the episode when Krusty fakes his death. Remember when Lisa asks "Have you seen this man?" and blows up a balloon of Krusty and the pirate answers "Arrr! That's handsome Pete! He dances for nickles"? And then the midget version of Krusty comes out, doing a jig. I love that! Especially when Lisa gives him a nickle at the end. . .

[Rodd Hill]

Actually, Miss Tangerine, Lisa gives him a quarter, which prompts Captain McAllister to say:

"Arrr, not a quarter! He'll be dancin' for hours!"

[realm505]

DAM. and I thought i had no life.
thanks you all have just raised my self-esteam. who needs shrinks when you have this

[realm505]

J/K i can't get enough of the simpsions

[realm505]

J/K i can't get enough of the simpsions

[Heath Doolin]

Homer in New York chasing the horse and buggy

"Marge grab the kids and jump over here. No time for the baby!"

"Dad you killed the zombie Flanders"
"He was a zombie?"

Homer: "The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek." (this one runs on my office screensaver scroller)

and of course Homers SAGE ADVICE!

-There's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.
-The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1. Cover for me.
2. Oh, good idea, Boss!
3. It was like that when I got here.
- If stuff starts flying, just turn your head!
- You know, if you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on top.
-Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
-Its a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone better.
{Bart then says "Can't win, don't try"]
-If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing
-[Getting out of jury duty] The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
-If something goes wrong...blame the guy who can't speak English.
-Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose -- it's how drunk you get.
-Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

[Heath Doolin]

Great scott I forgot my all time fave

Burns is a vampire and Lisa explains that Homer must drive a stake through his heart and of course Homer comes through with the all time zing:

(Gasp!) Kill my boss? Do I dare live the American Dream?!

[Heath Doolin]

Great scott I forgot my all time fave

Burns is a vampire and Lisa explains that Homer must drive a stake through his heart and of course Homer comes through with the all time zing:

(Gasp!) Kill my boss? Do I dare live the American Dream?!

and one totally off the Homer following when Sideshow Bob is found to have commited voting fraud when he is elected. Lisa finds that they have marked the cemetary headstones as voters:
Lisa: Do you know what this means?
Bart: Oh my god! The dead have risen and are voting Republican!

[ChuckSki]

TennHippie

This line:
"Of course you're going to hate New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs"

is said by Marge just before the family leaves for NY in the episode where:

Barney draws duty as the Designated Driver;
The Duff Crew shows up at Moes with the giant mug o' Duff, which he has to turn down;
He (Barney) drives Homer and the boys home then takes off on a binge in Homer's car, leaving it at the World Trade Center (on the plaza) in NY;
Homer get a notice from NY about his abandoned car (now Booted);

Remember this one?

It was just on last night!!


------------------
"The intellectuals' chief cause of anguish are one another's works."
Jacques Barzun
Cheers! CAL

[Sam Stone]

Wiggum: "Suspect is driving a...car. Suspect is hatless! Repeat, suspect is hatless!"

"Here's my location. I'm directly under the sun...now!"

[voguevixen]

Let's see if I can remember this one right...Burns, Smithers, and Homer are fleeing from the government with the Tillion Dollar Bill. They zoom past Chief Wiggum in his squad car as his radio squaks:

"Be on the lookout for three men in a 1937 maroon Stutz Bearcat!"

Wiggum (observing one-of-a-kind car flying past): "Nah, that was more of a burgundy."

Oh, man, I love this show.

From tonight's Side Show Bob episode (one of my all-time favorites, where the Simpsons are placed in the witness relocation program and SSB sings HMS Pinafore):

Lisa: "Bart! I think I know who is writing these threatening letters! Who have you been making harassing phone calls to all this year?"

Bart (quizzically): "Linda Lavin?"

Lisa: "No, someone who didn't deserve it!"

Oh, man, I love this show.

------------------
"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

[Sam Stone]

"mmmm.... Soylent Green..."

[pldennison]

ChuckSki, that episode also contains the great exchange:

Homer: "Do you have anything to drink?"

Vendor: "I have Mountain Dew or Crab Juice."

Homer: "Ewwwwww! Agh . . . blech . . .I'll take the Crab Juice!"

[pldennison]

Oh, BTW, Simpsons fans, if you haven't started watching Futurama yet, snap to it! If anything, the writing is even funnier. The robot character, Bender, has some of the greatest lines I've heard in a long time.

[RoboDude]

All this talk about the Simpsons, and nobody has mentioned the many funny things Bart has written on the chalkboard?

go to http://www.rit.edu/~mwp6741/comedy/simpson.html

for a list of most of them.

[DoctorJ]

Got to agree about Futurama. Bender is great! The sequence where he went on a "sober binge" was hillarious. "Bender! You're blind, stinking sober!"

Fry: "I don't understand why a robot needs to drink."
Bender: "I don't need to drink! I can quit anytime I want!"

Dr. J

[Mr.Sparkle]

Homer: "Mmm...sacrelicious"

Family in car...
Grandpa: "I gotta goto the baathroom!"
Marge: "We're almost there grandpa"
Grandpa: "Tooo late..."

Homer: In a falsetto voice,"Hel-lo Mister Dean! I think you're a stupid head!"
Dean: "Homer is that you?"
Scream and running sound from Homer.

Bart: "Hey look... Why is Stampy ramming the other elephants?"
Park ranger: "Thats because Stampys a jerk."
"Quit it Mr. Simpson."

Grandpa: "...And thats why we used to call them fatty yellow beans."

[PatrickM]

Taking the liberty of the inexact quote:

Marge's mother: "Monty, you're the Devil himself!"
Mr. Burns: "Who told.." and then changes the subject.

[Ike Witt]

BURNS: Oh yes, sitting - the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?

[voguevixen]

Well, I apoligise if it's already been said, but I still have to say Grandpa's
"I wore and onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. And nickels had a picture of a bee on them. 'Gimme 5 bees for a quarter' we'd say!" I've doubled over many a stodgy businessman with laughter while intoning during their droning monologue "I wore and onion on my belt...which was the style at the time!"

[dramatoig]

My favorite, from the "Flaming Moe'" episode:

Marge: Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making people happy.

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!


My chief joy with the Simpsons, however, is picking out the references, both literary and visual. I got sort of the same recognition thrill/laugh from MST3K....

------------------
"You must not mind me madam; I say strange things, but I mean no harm." Samuel Johnson

My fave, from the 'oil well' episode, where Willie has been re-assigned as the French teacher:

"Awwllrrrright! Pay attention noo, yuh cheese-eatin' liddle surrrrender-monkeys!"

[Ringo]

Well, no pertinent reply, although I'm sure you TM can muster more.

This is a blatant thread jumpstart project.

Regards

[Fatal Image]

Another great line, this one from the episode in which Mr. Burns and Homer are in a mountain cabin which is buried in an avalanche.

This is the ranger speaking as everyone is getting ready to search for Homer and Burns..

"Okay, search party, before we set out, let's take a moment to humor the children."

[he kneels down to look Bart and Lisa in the eye] "Kids, your father's gonna be just fine!"

[stands up to address everyone]
Okay, everybody, put on your corpse-handling gloves, we've got two frozen bodies buried somewhere in this mountain!!

[Wumpus]

"Protect the queen!"

"I'M the queen."

"No you're not!"

"Freedom! Horrible, horrible freedom!"

The "cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys" quote is one of my all-time favorites. Another great scene is in the Cape Fear episode (featuring Sideshow Bob's H.M.S. Pinafore), when Homer runs into Bart's room waving a big butcher knife and screams,
"BART YOU WANNA TRY SOME OF THESE BROWNIES?"
Bart (paraphrased):"Dad, I'm a little nervous right now, okay?"
Homer gets all concerned, apologizes, tucks Bart in, and leaves. Two seconds later, he bursts back into the room, screaming,
"BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAIN SAW AND HOCKEY MASK?" wielding and wearing, respectively, both these items.

Also, Ralph Wiggum: "Yay, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

[cody]

Anybody remember the exact dialog from the one in which Flanders is asking Homer to show him how to have fun and Homer is saying stuff like: "Well, well, well. So Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus Mcgee . . ." In the same episode Homer refers to Flanders as "Churchy LaFemme."

[pldennison]

In the episode in which Bart & friends "invade" Shelbyville to retrieve their lemon tree, and Marge think it's because of the lecture she gave Bart:

HOMER: Now, Marge, you can't blame all of Bart's problems on your one little speech. If anything turned him bad, it's that
time you let him wear a bathing suit instead of underwear. _And_ let's not forget your little speech!

[Mullinator]

This is the funniest thread yet.
A few others
Ralph Wiggum - I bent my wookie

Homer in a tarpit - I'll use my arms to pull out my legs....now I'll use my face to pull out my arms.

Sideshow Bob - You can't handle the truth. No truth handler are you. I decry your lack of truth handling abilities.

And Homer's helper monkey - Pray for Jojo

------------------
It's not bragging if you can do it - Satchel Paige

[realm505]

Not to mention when the elementry school was filled with cooking grease:

Millhouse, "here comes a greasy meatball"
(making a "grease" snowball)

An Itillian man off-screen, "Hey, I broughtta free pizzta for youu."

It was so funny, if you saw it, you probabilt peed your pants when you read this.

[ConMan]

I love the subtleness of The Simpsons - what you see, not what you hear - most of all. Very much like the two Airplane! movies. If you do not watch closely, you miss A LOT of jokes!

One episode that sticks in my mind is when Homer is the country-music star manager. He goes to see Earlene in her trailer. There is a sign over the name of the mobile home park that states "126 days since the last tornado". On Homer's next visit, the sign states "4 days since the last tornado."

Classic!

------------------
"Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'"
E A Poe

[whc.03grady]

Itchy and Scratchy Island, where nothing can possibli go wrong.
I mean "possibly" go wrong.
That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

Tatum: I've got nothin' against Homer Simpson, but I am going to make orphans of his children.
Parole Board Member: They do have a mother.
Tatum: Yes, but I imagine that she would die of grief.

I'm sorry, children, I have to go now. My home planet needs me.
(Poochie died on the way to his home planet)

[ThufferinThuccotash]

Uter, being chased by Homer:

"Don't make me rrrun, I'm full of jokkalate!!"

------------------
TT

"Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it." --Andre Gide