Did he really say that to me?

[zev_steinhardt]

As some of you may know, I, at one point, used to be a large bohemoth. Now, however, thanks to the wonders of Weight Watchers, self-discipline and my wonderful wife's co-operation, I have shed about 30 pounds over the last two and a half months and am now only a moderately large bohemoth.

As a result of this, my belt no longer fits me. So, I went looking for one. I found that I'm just a bit too big for a size 42. A 44 would be perfect, however. Unfortunately, many of the stores here in lower Manhattan, it seems, do not carry belts larger than 42. I suppose I could wait another few weeks, until I fit a 42, but I'd rather get a new belt now.

Anyway, I walked into one store today and began looking at the belts on display. I was looking for a 44, but could not find one. Perhaps sensing my problem, the clerk said "Largest size we have is 42."

"Oh, well," I replied, "I'm just a bit too big for a 42."

"No s**t." he said.

I couldn't believe he said that too me. Of course, he has no way of knowing that I've been working hard to take off weight and that he utterly crushed my ego and pride at the accomplishment with his remark (OK, maybe not crushed, but mildly dented). But even so? I was starting to take some pride in my new appearance, but maybe I don't look as slim as I thought I did.

I didn't say anything to the "gentleman," but simply walked out of the store and left. However, I find myself (who is normally not bothered by insults) upset at this? Or am I over-reacting?

Zev Steinhardt

[Atreyu]

I don't think you were over-reacting. That sales clerk was inexcusably rude. If I were you, I would head back to that place and talk to the manager, explaining why that place did not receive your business yesterday, and might not receive your business in the future.

[zev_steinhardt]

Originally posted by zev_steinhardt
I couldn't believe he said that too me.


And now I can't believe that I messed up that statement. Make that "I couldn't believe he said that to me... :rolleyes:

Zev Steinhardt

[UrbanChic]

I, too, would have thought the same thing. Then I would have posed the question to the asshole.

Congrats on your weight loss, zev, by the way.

[The Ace of Swords]

Yikes! Do us a favor, Zev, and let us know where you went so we can avoid it in the future.

Today's Rude Man?

And I didn't notice and bhemothity when last we met, so keep it up!

-Ace

[Jodi]

Don't let one idiot bring you down, ZEV. Losing a significant amount of weight is a huge (ha!) accomplishment.

If it were me, that behavior like that would have resulted in a letter to the store, politely explaining that I was insulted by a salesperson (and how and when), how it made me feel, and the regretful notification that I won't be shopping there anymore. Not an angry note, but rather an "I think you should know what's going on" note, that identified the salesperson by name.

On the other hand, that obviously does also prolong the incident and the hurt feelings, at least for as long as it takes to write and mail the letter. It might be better to just let it go. I guess that would depend on the size of the dent in the ego.

But don't let it get you down. Remember that a person who would treat a customer so thoughtlessly is not a person whose opinion should matter to you anyway. His negativity reflects his own personal damage; there's no reason you accept it and make it yours.

[scout1222]

Ack! That's intolerable.

If the guy wants to think that kind of thing, well, I guess we can't stop him.

But to be an employee who's supposed to provide customer service and actually say it?

I would have been speechless.

[EchoKitty]

Congrats on the weight loss! My husband just lost 25 lbs. and he looks (and feels) maaaaahvelous! So don't let that twerp getchya down! The people who count (and those are the ones who see you nekkid) know how great you look and how hard you've worked. WooHOO!

[yosemite]

That guy won't be there very long. If those crass works tripped off of his tongue so easily (and they obviously did) then he'll do it again, and again...until finally enough will be enough, and he'll get canned.

It might be a good idea for you to drop a tasteful little note (like what Jodi described) so that the store will be on notice that this guy is capable of such behavior. So, when he REALLY pisses off someone later on, he can't just blow it off with, "Well, that guy was making it up" or "That guy was being hyper-sensitive." Your note will establish that it wasn't the first time he'd done something like that.

That guy is better off working in a warehouse, or somewhere where he doesn't have to deal with the public. Obviously he was raised by wolves, and is not capable of behaving properly out in society.

Oh, and congratulations on the weight loss! And, isn't it amazing how no matter how well you've done (and you have done fabulously) that there will always be some jerk to treat you as if it means nothing? Grrr...

[Helen's Eidolon]

Maybe he meant that he was surprised by the look of you that you don't fit into a 42?

Maybe it was a "No s**t?"

Maybe he's a not very nice person.

Don't let him get you down :)

[ivylass]

Why is it we only think of the zingers after we leave?

You could have said, "I lost the weight, but you'll always be an asshole," or something equally stinging.

[Scarlett67]

If that had happened to me, I'd be crafting one of my famous "Your customer service rocks/sucks, and here's why" letters. No excuse for that comment.

If I'd been thinking quickly, I'd have said something like, "What did you just say to me?" Make him repeat the idiotic remark. Then ask to see the manager right there and then.

[swampbear]

Or do what I like doing. When a salesperson has pissed me off in a department store, I will go back to the store to shop, making sure the offensive salesperson is there. I will then make it a point (and loudly too) to state that I do not want that salesperson to assist me because he/she is extremely rude to customers. Makes me feel better anyway. Course, I also like to purchase something immediately after being pissed off and make a point to not allow the asshole to get the sale.

Zev congrats on the weight loss. WOOHOO YOU!

[Podkayne]

Quite the double-whammy on his part--use of profanity and insulting a customer. If'n I was you, I'd a letter to the store. There is absolutely no excuse. I hope he gets fired.

And congratulations on your weight loss.

[Jodi]

You could have said, "I lost the weight, but you'll always be an asshole."

This made me smile since I can't imagine that retort tripping off ZEV's lips. Mind you, I haven't had the priviledge of meeting ZEV, and I'm not sayin' it ain't worth sayin', but it's hard to see him saying it.

:)

[dorkusmalorkusmafia]

ARGH! I hate people like that.

If he was a good salesman (and a general good person all the way around) he should have suggested some alternatives. My personal favourite is suspenders. I do love a man in suspenders. MMM MMM

However, seeing how he was an asshole he would have probably suggested a rope or something equally crass. Talk to his manager and get his ass fired, pronto.

[dreamer]

I'm sorry you had to go through that Zev. That guy is just an insensitive jerk and as fast as that comment rolled of his idiotic tongue is as fast as it should go in your ear and out the other.

Congrats on the weight loss and keep up the good work.

[zen101]

Zev, I wish you were in my town by so you could let me know where this place is and describe the punk who said this to you.

I promise I would not swing first, but I'm fairly good at getting others to swing on me first. Thats fair isn't it? In fact I notice you are in NY. I may be there next summer, maybe before my trip you can scout the store and see if the guy is still working there? Hell, by then you may be in good enough shape to participate? A little TKD is not only a great muscle building and cardio tool, it can also make these encounters fun (well, fun for the put upon person anyhow).

Anf congrats on the 30lb victory. What method are you using? Atkins, sugar busters, other?

[CrazyCatLady]

Congratulations on the weight loss, keep up the good work!

And please make sure you share this experience with at least 30 other potential customers. A little word of mouth goes a long, long way.

[DAVEW0071]

First -- Congratulations on your weight loss, Zev. I hope it continues and you reach your goal weight. We're brothers in fighting the Battle of the Bulge, you and I.

Second -- The salesgeek was tactless. Some things are obvious, such as the fact that you are a large man and might not be able to wear a size 42. But that does not excuse stating it in such a ham-fisted (sorry...treyf-fisted) manner.

I once read a story about a man who had enormous feet, and most shoe store clerks would gasp and holler "Twelve Triple-E!!" when they measured his dogs. But the salesman he'll always remember measured his feet, murmured, "Ah yes, double six," and won a customer for life.

Third -- I don't think you're wrong to be mildly upset over it. It was an insult, by someone who had no grudge against you. You hadn't done anything to hurt him, and in fact, you may have benefitted him had he been able to work with you a little. This was an unwarranted slap in the face, albeit rather small in the grand scheme of things.

You hereby have my permission to feel sorta bad about it, but you are not allowed to let it get under your skin and ruin your whole day.

If it helps, just keep in mind that an insult from such a person is like a mosquito bite -- annoying, but it will only continue to bother you if you scratch at it.

[Revtim]

Sometimes things accidentally slip out. It's possible that the person cringes everytime he thinks of his comment. I know I've made few over the years that I wish I could forget.

Of course, he could be an utter prick, too.

[Tiburon]

Congrats, Zev, on the great weight loss!

The salesperson was a jerk.

My first instinct? Well, that you tell us the store and we each take 5 minutes to call and tell them about the incident that occurred to our friend - and explain that they will never have our business.

My actual response? Well, what a jerk and an idiot but like DAVEWOO71 said, you can't let it ruin your day. We're so quick to defend each other, it might be an over-reaction for us all to call. I still sort of want to, though. heh.

Congrats, Zev - you're doing great!

Tibs.

[MarkF]

I promise I would not swing first, but I'm fairly good at getting others to swing on me first. Thats fair isn't it? In fact I notice you are in NY.

Huh?

Look up perspective mate.

(wtg on the weight thing Zev )

[jackelope]

"Hey! Motherfucker!" (Note: "Motherfucker"=terrifically effective attention-getter.) "Do you have any concept of what it means to have a JOB? Because you're about to find out what it means to be without one."



And to the manager we go...

[-zorch]

ZEV---

Nice weight loss. I got a car, don't walk anywhere anymore, and gained 60 pounds; I now WISH I was a 44.

As to the salesperson's remark, well, I think you and the rest above are being WAY too sensitive. Sure, it may not be in the best of taste, but I would have seen it as a HUMOROUS remark.

People can say worse. I was crossing the street, and someone in a passing car shouts to me, "You're too fat!!" But even that was kind of funny.

[Green Bean]

Mazel Tov, Zev!

~zorch--You're probably in the minority if you're not sensitive about being overweight. I hardly think Zev was being overly sensitive. He just walked out of the store. It's not like he SAT on the guy or anything! {j/k} ::d&r::

[-zorch]

Hey, I am little bit sensitive about it, but it's reality. Anyone who sees me knows instantly that I'M FAT. I don''t have 'reverse anorexia,' where I look in the mirror and think I'm 'too thin.'

Actually, I'm feeling a little down right now. I think I better go make myself some buckwheat pancakes, with real butter and real maple syrup. I may not be back for awhile...

[Rilchiam]

-zorch, the guy said that to someone who was congratulating himself on his weight loss thus far. It was a proud moment for zev: needing a new belt because the old one was finally too large. He was thinking of himself as relatively thin, and the salesclerk dismissed him as not only fat, but stupid (apparently having to be told that he's too big for a size 42). I see no humor in that.

[zev_steinhardt]

Thank you everyone, for your kind remarks. Having had the weekend to think about it (and having had an incident happen to me over the weekend, which I'll describe later), I've since shaken the matter off. I got several other compliments over the weekend, so I feel better anyway. As for sales guy, I'll just let it be. If he bothered me, he's sure to bother other people and will get his just rewards in due time.

Over the weekend, the caretaker of my synagouge (an elederly man of about 70, who I know wouldn't go out of his way to hurt me) came over to me and said, in a low voice:

"I think you need to run around the block a few times."
"Why?" I asked.
He patted my stomach and said "You look like you're putting on a little weight."
"Actually," I told him, "I've taken off about 30 pounds already."
"Oh," he said. "Well, in that case, you're doing a good job" :D

(BTW, Jodi, you're right. You'd never catch me saying that. Heck, I didn't even want to type out the explitive in the OP!")

Zev Steinhardt

[Caricci]

Good for you on the weight loss, Zev! You know you're looking better every day. Some guy who sells men's belts doesn't matter!

[missbunny]

zev, I understand that the guy at your synagogue didn't mean to be rude, but what on earth could possess anyone to make such a comment?! Like it's ANY of his business at all how fat or thin anyone else is??? And saying that you need to run around the block a few times is supposed to be "helpful"? I am just baffled by people like that.

[Eva Luna]

zev, if you're still bothered at all, I think you'd not only be doing yourself a service if you got the matter off your chest by writing a letter to the store manager, but would also be doing a service to anyone else in similar circumstances who might potentially be treated this rudely by this guy in the future. If you got the guy in trouble, you'd actually be doing a good deed, IMHO. Maybe he'll keep his mouth shut the next time, IF he keeps his job.

And congrats again on the weight loss!

[zev_steinhardt]

Originally posted by missbunny
zev, I understand that the guy at your synagogue didn't mean to be rude, but what on earth could possess anyone to make such a comment?! Like it's ANY of his business at all how fat or thin anyone else is??? And saying that you need to run around the block a few times is supposed to be "helpful"? I am just baffled by people like that.

It may have been a bit tactless, but I know he meant well. He probably thought that I wasn't aware of the fact that I was putting on weight and meant to politely (and quitely) let me know about it.

Besides, this person is a bit on the elderly side, and somewhat brash in his personality. Everything he says has to be taken with this in mind.

Zev Steinhardt

[lieu]

You're a good guy Zev with a lot of caring friends and you're positively addressing what you saw as a health problem.

Jerk clerk makes a living selling belts.

Don't lose ANY sleep over this.

[Tomcat]

Hey-

Congrats on the progress! 30lbs is pretty good, and a 44 is only a few months away from a 40...just think of all the expenses you will have then, and all of the sales-people that you will have to deal with then!

Keep it up! It's nice to have others provide the positive feedback, but the fact remains that you are doing this for yourself. A healthy body is something you have for the rest of your life, and I applaud you for making the commitment to that end. Don't focus on what others have to say. Focus on how good it feels to be healthy again. Because once you are down to your goal, the compliments peter out. If you are only doing it to gain compliments from others, you've got a short time horizon. Stay healthy for you, let other people's opinions go (except for mine in the following sentence). ;)

Congrats!

-Tcat

[fire dragon76]

I have the opposite problem. As an extremely petite person, I have endured endless snide comments such as"we don't have that in YOUR size", or "why don't you try the children's department?". Of course, it is in the most condescending and contemptuous tone of voice. As if to say how dare you be 4'11"(and a half)? All I want to know is when are the retailers (and the minions of Satan that they have sell their merchandise) going to realize that not everyone is a size 6???!!!!!! Or, in your case, a 34. Congrats on the weight loss, and try not to let these idiots get to you.

[missbunny]

yeah zev, I do think this particular guy meant no harm, but it's still none of his business to "let you know" that you are putting on weight. I don't think there's been one overweight person in the history of the universe who was "unaware" that he or she was putting on weight and needed someone to break it to him, no matter how gently. If this guy is a bit confused about things because of his age, that's one thing - but if he's "brash" and feels it's okay to inform others of their supposed shortcomings, then you are a much more polite person than I would be.

[cleosia]

Check out

http://www.thinkbig.com/

Great store. My husband shops there. He's, uh, big boned. He loves the store. They have sizes 50 and above, too. (Which you don't need. Good Work!) The clothing is very attractive and not just small fashions super-sized. (I'm somewhat large myself. I hate when they do twiggy styles in size 20!)

The site has a store locator so you can find a store near you.

[cleosia]

Did I mention, they have a great staff, too.

[Coldfire]

Originally posted by LaurAnge
Maybe he meant that he was surprised by the look of you that you don't fit into a 42?

Maybe it was a "No s**t?"I guess you missed the part where he said he was shopping in Manhattan. :)

[Bryan Ekers]

A New York clerk being rude?

Heavens to Murgatroid!