How would *you* use Peon Tablets?

[Sublight]

I'm up late tonight re-writing my boss's translation of a drug company's corporate report, and I've come across one of the dumbest-sounding names for a medication: Peon Tablets. According to my information, it's a "non-steroid type painkiller/anti-phlogistic agent", which I think means that it prevents you from catching fire. I'll have to check that at work tomorrow.

Anyway, the name 'Peon Tablets' just conjures up some odd imagery (put them in the office coffeemaker to keep your employees working contentedly?), so of course I had to ask my fellow Dopers:

If you had a bottle marked 'Peon Tablets', what would you expect them to do?

Btw, the same company also makes products named Lovetoppy and Healthan Guts. I swear I had nothing to do with either of these.

[lieu]

I'd give Paula Abdul a handful and lay down on the floor in front of her.

[Legomancer]

I'd pee on 'em.




I'm fired, aren't I?

[lieu]

Are these sold in conjunction with the Shitin Capsule?

[Ethilrist]

I think they're more specific than your suggestion--I think they keep you from catching fire while you're lifting weights.

Peon tablets are more likely something like Soma from Brave New World--they keep the lower classes happy in their place, glad to be, well, peons.

[photopat]

I'd probably use them as filler in a shipping...noooo, on second thought, probably not(too many chances for misunderstanding). I'd bet that's all they're good for though.

[lieu]

There's Pissant Pills if you'd rather go generic.

[photopat]

After a moments thought, you could make a good cocktail with Peon, Lovetoppy and Healthan Guts (which kind of sounds like a hyped up name for a breakfast cereal).

[Sublight]

The product names just keep getting better and better.

From the same company:
Reptilase
Cytokarma
Hi Jelly Powder in Stick (just the thing for those "not so fresh" days).

[lieu]

Sheesh, I'll just stick with my Crack Cream.

[Athena]

You just add water and there ya go! Peons to do your bidding!

[Kn*ckers]

:helpless with laughter!!:
Sublight , you have brightened my day. Are those names real?? And I thought Flonase was bad.

Peon tablets don't keep the old peons happy, they make new ones! Just add water. The easiest way to do this is to put a couple of tables (not too many!) in the bathtub, and turn on the tap. In just a few moments they have transformed into peons, ready to do your bidding!

I can't work out Healthan Guts though. I keep thinking its
Heathen Gluts. Which doesn't actually make any less sense....

Kn(Hissssssss - oops, time for my Reptilase !)ckers

[Kn*ckers]

Shoot! Athena beat me!

[h.sapiens]

All I know is, I don't care how good it is, I'm not taking any medication that calls itself Nasalcrom.

[Profane]

Heeheehee!

[Derleth]

Sublight: The Japanese do have a way with names, do they not? Tell me, have you ever sampled Pocari Sweat? If I ever make it to Nihon, tasting that oddly-named nectar will certainly be on my list.

:D

Peon Tablets sound like soma to me, as well. I suppose they make flame-retardant servants who don't feel much pain.

[Sublight]

Yep, they're all real. And I've got to make this company look competent to overseas investors somehow.

Derleth, Pocari Sweat's not bad, actually. It's a Gatorade (and if you want weird names, how about that one?)-type grapefruit-flavored drink that tastes kind of like non-carbonated Fresca. The all-time champion bad name, however, has to go to Creap coffee creamer.

[TeaElle]

Originally posted by h.sapiens
All I know is, I don't care how good it is, I'm not taking any medication that calls itself Nasalcrom.

But, but, it's a perfectly cromulent nasal spray!

[privard]

Before I moved to Japan, there was a commercial running for the product to use when you had an itch in "a place so personal you can only talk about it with your doctor." The ad made a big deal about not mentioning the part of the body. For crying out loud, don't play delicate and tasteful: the name of the product was ANUSol!

But, yes, Japan does beat us Americans hands down in product names: the aforementioned Pocari Sweat, the legendary Creap (artificial creamer for coffee), Asse and Chocolate Collon candies, and the Toyota Emena (say it three times fast if you don't see the problem). And that's just off the top of my head. The mascots are as good as the names, though. Check out the cosmetic surgery ads (clipped from a Community Shopper-type mailer called "Famiry") at http://www.peterrivard.com/Pages/badv.html

[Iteki]

All you can eat at www.Engrish.com

Did I mention I might finally be getting to my soul-country next year?! **faints**

[dwyr]

In the lab, Reptilase is the brand name for a product derived from snake venom. We use it in coagulation testing. Wonder what theirs is?

And I usually feel like a peon, so maybe I could use those tablets...

[Mr2001]

Well, on IRC, a peon is someone with no special channel operator privileges. And a tablet sounds like a kind of small table. So at Thanksgiving dinner, all the operators eat at the Grownup Table, and the peons eat at the Peon Tablet.