The End Times: a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

[jjimm]

I just had to bring this mind-bending piece of idiocy to everyone's attention.

I was looking around for fundie opinions on whether or not Jews will be allowed into the Kingdom of Heaven during the Rapture, and I happened upon this book (http://www.renobelieves.com/), by one "Doyle Reno, a Mennonite author". I followed one of his "exciting links", and a particular part of his analysis of the book of Daniel (http://www.renobelieves.com/danieltimeline.html) caught my eye (emphasis added):Daniel saw a second beast, and it looked like a bear in his dream. The country of Russia is sometimes called the "Bear." Communism came from this part of the world and spread to Germany. In Germany, the Communist party became very strong and dangerous. This is what was described in Daniel's dream of "it raised itself up on one side," and "it had three ribs in its mouth and between the teeth." When the Communist party came into power, no other country could stand in its way. The power stretched over a long period of time, and three different times the armies were very succesful and very cruel. They were called Germany's First Reich, Second Reich, and Third Reich. The last was destroyed by the coalitions of the earth fighting in the wars. A statement is recorded in Daniel's words that says to "devour much flesh." This was spoken to the beast with the three ribs in its mouth. The German armies, in the last world war, killed 6 million Jews alone. This is the second beast that Daniel saw in his dream.So Hitler was a Communist? OK, right... And Communism came from Russia, did it? Sorry about that, Mr Marx, we shall disinter your German corpse from London and have your bones shipped to the Kremlin forthwith. Of course, we all remember Kaiser Lenin, but what about that pinko Charlemagne, back in the 9th century? Holy Roman Red Emperor bastards.

Mr Reno, if you're going to hitch some vague imagery to historical events to back up a "prophecy", at least get the fucking history vaguely in the right fucking ballpark of accuracy, you hopeless fucking dolt.

Still, it'd make a "great Christmas gift for a loved one" (or a deluded McCarthyite).

[Steve Wright]

And how nice of you to pick a relatively coherent passage for your critique. Personally, I was almost as impressed by the bit about the whole world being signed over to the Pope in a ceremony in 1999 - I didn't see that on the news... I suppose I might have been in the bath or something.

But I shall follow this gentleman's advice in one way - I'll try not to be five virgins when the End Times come around.

[photopat]

I too will follow his advice and not be found lukewarm. Or sleeping. Or sleeping with my hand in a bowl of lukewarm water, just to be on the safe side.

[Guinastasia]

Somebody send this link to crank.net

[Guinastasia]

Oh, and read his guestbook!

;)

[kambuckta]

Yep, that is indeed a Guestbook to be proud of eh?? A whole five entries, two 'private' (for the owners eyes only), one from the cousin of the partner of Doyle, and two cheering posts from his adoring public I guess....:rolleyes:


However, as has been proven time and time again, the majority is not always right. (It'd be a real bummer if I got to the Pearly Gates only to find that Mr. Reno was truly enlightened all along). But I do doubt this, and it is ever so heartening to see such a lack of devotees to his numbknuckle theses....maybe there is hope for this crazy world yet. :p

[Gary Kumquat]

My favourite line:
And at the present time, we know it to be in the future.

[Virtuosity]

i think you may be in part misinterpreting the passage. Hitler rose to power as fast as he did in large part as a counter to what was a very fast advancing communist party in germany. The 3rd reich may very well have been communist if Hitler and his Nazi party had not appeared. Economically Germany was so devastated that communism had wide appeal to citizens who saw little hope.

[jjimm]

Virtuousity, noble of you to try to find sense in that morass of bollocks, but I'm afraid the passage clearly says that the Communists possessed "power" and that "no other power could stand in its way" - thus, not even Nazism. Secondly, "the power stretched over a long period of time" - this power being the same one the Communists possessed - and was responsible for all three reichs. Given that the first one began in the 9th century, they must have been special time travelling Communists.

[yojimbo]

they must have been special time travelling Communists. Those pinko's can be tricky bastards. I wouldn't put it past them.

[kambuckta]

Beggorah....there's bin a fekkin' Irish invasion......two Dubliners in two posts.......arghhh.....


It can't be true that everyone in Dublin is a Jim or a derivation thereof, can it??

[Gary Kumquat]

Originally posted by kambuckta
It can't be true that everyone in Dublin is a Jim or a derivation thereof, can it??
Not only that, but they're probably communists too. Time travelling Irish nazi-communists.

[yojimbo]

jjimm is a Brit(actually he's as English as can be) living over here after falling for one of out many fair lassies. I on the other hand am a Dub true and true with Guinness running through my veins. I do have some Japanese influences (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0055630) however ;)

[jjimm]

I am an Englishman in Dublin, but I am certainly a derivation.






Did I say derivation? Sorry, I meant deviation.

BTW kambukta, you never told me wherefore the kam/kum dichotomy between your Username/Location.

[jjimm]

Originally posted by Gary Kumquat
Time travelling Irish nazi-communists. Shit, yojimbo, we've been rumbled. Quick, back to the future!

[yojimbo]

I've lost the flux capacitor. NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!

[jjimm]

And the DeLorean's been clamped.

[S. Mussberger]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA ...gasp... HAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAA

Too funny, that link is going out to myfriends ASAP. hehe..wheeehé

[kambuckta]

Shite...this thread has lost me completely....but then again, it's prolly because it has been infiltrated by mad Dubliners....(let alone the bottle of Shiraz and the fact that it is nearly midnight here)....:p

Oh, jjimm, the kam/kumbuckta difference is because I originally registered with KUMbuckta on this board, and it fried my registration, so when I tried to renew it, it told me that KUMbuckta was already 'taken', so I had to come up with a new one. So KAMbukta was the next best thing!

Upper Kumbuckta West is a 'town' here in Victoria that was created by a particularly infamous TV show, called "Hey, Hey, It's Saturday". It started as a kids cartoon program on Saturday mornings, but because of the deviance and debauchery of one Ozzie Ostrich, and a voice-over man, it had to be moved to an 'Adult' time-slot. I guess this is not making any sense to you, but Upper Kumbuckta West became sort of the archetypal Aussie small town, with all the problems that small towns have......

I was going to call myself "Yackandandah"......but my mum lives there, so it might be a bit too close to home!

[Coldfire]

jjimm, you're too generous to this shithead. You left the best part alone!The power stretched over a long period of time, and three different times the armies were very succesful and very cruel. They were called Germany's First Reich, Second Reich, and Third Reich. The last was destroyed by the coalitions of the earth fighting in the wars.Holy Revisionism, Batman!

Does this idiot not know that Hitler called his little expansion plan Dritte Reich because of his admiration for the first two "Reichs", namely the bloody Greek and fucking Roman Empire??

Astonishing.

Oh, BTW, I picked up the tab for that clamp on your DeLorean. Cleared Dame Street for ya as well, so get in and get 'er up to 88 MPH! :D

[Captain Amazing]

Originally posted by Coldfire

Does this idiot not know that Hitler called his little expansion plan Dritte Reich because of his admiration for the first two "Reichs", namely the bloody Greek and fucking Roman Empire??


Err, no. The "First Reich" was the Holy Roman Empire, founded by Charlemagne.

The "Second Reich" was imperial Germany under William I and William II.

The Third Reich was Nazi Germany.

[jjimm]

Also, this information was in my OP. ;)

I'll tell you one thing - when I found his site yesterday, his hit counter was only at 30. Now it's topped 900, so I've done him a favour. Strange that, as the views of this thread are only 587 at the moment.

[Coldfire]

The fuck?

Even the simplest Google search shows me that mr Amazing here is 100% correct.

'Scuse me whilst I sue my history teacher. I'm serious, I vividly remember learning my obviously faulty version in school.

I guess I can't make any wisecracks about that piss poor US educational system now, huh?

[jk1245]

Where can I sing up for G.O.A.T?


Also Re: the 5 virgins.

Anyone think "not enough oil in the lamp when the bridegroom came" is a truly spectacular euphemism?

[Guinastasia]

Coldie-are you serious? THAT is what your history teacher taught you?

Good god, I thought you were kidding when you posted that!

The Second Reich caused WWI-Kaiser Willy and his crazy antics.

Would that he had continued-he was a bumbling moron, but no where near the evil that Hitler was!

[Coldfire]

It's not that I don't know about Kaiser Wilhelm, or German history period, for that matter. But my history teacher most definitely made the Roman/Greek analogy when explaining the term "Third Reich".

"It's taking longer than we thought", indeed...

[MaxTheVool]

C'mon, guys, this guy obviously gets his history from watching McBain movies, in which he fights the Commie Nazis. There are worse sources...


on a more serious note:



Originally posted by Guinastasia
The Second Reich caused WWI-Kaiser Willy and his crazy antics.

Would that he had continued-he was a bumbling moron, but no where near the evil that Hitler was! [/B]

One of the alternate history books I read recently talked about how Germany actually game very close to winning World War I in its opening days, which seems on the surface like it would have been a bad thing, since we ended up fighting Germany, but WWI Germany was just imperialistic, not genocidal. Of course, they didn't, and it settled down into trench warfare, and the rest is very very sad history.

[Captain Amazing]

Well, if they hadn't put as large a garrison in the east against Russia, who honestly had a really disorganized, not ready to fight, army, the extra men in France might have been able to take Paris. I understand why they did commit so strongly to the east, since so many of the leadership came from Prussia, but it was a mistake, I think.

[peepthis]

My favorite part:
The wings of a foul and four heads can only mean the four major super powers with there aircraft capabilities to execute war and show their power. The countries of the U.S., Russia, China, and Great Britain all belong to the United Nations pact and could be the four heads.
Only 4 countries in the world are capable of air combat and "executing" war?! Get me New Delhi & Islamabad on the Red Phone, post haste!

[jjimm]

The wings of a foul.

Sounds disgusting. Flying detritus.