Someone getting uglier (or more attractive) as you get to know them.

[yosemite]

I am sure we have all encountered this. Some people end up marrying someone that they initially thought was very unattractive. But, as they got to know them better, they see the beauty and attractivness in them.

But I have to confess, I can't recall noticing someone getting uglier as I got to know them. At least not quite as spectacularly as what happened with Tammi, a co-worker.

When I first met her at work, I thought, "An average-looking girl, a big girl [so am I, so I am not judging that] and seemingly intelligent. Dresses well for her size (doesn't wear tacky polyester "fat chick" clothes) and has nice skin and hair."

But then she started talking. And saying the most outrageous, ignorant, bigoted things. Asking impertinet questions. Displaying a callous attitude. Belching all the time (!) and showing no class. She got worse and worse, other co-workers complained about her, and each time I saw her, I just noticed more and more how unattractive she was. It was really bizarre.

Last I heard, Tammi is probably going to be fired for doing something quite outrageously horrible.

I don't know, this was just a new experience for me. I try to think that I am fair-minded, and I can see the beauty in people—the beauty that isn't so obvious at first. I am always saying that there aren't all that many really ugly people out there, if you really take the time to look.

So it was weird to see someone get uglier and uglier before my very eyes.

Anyone else have this happen to them? (Or, have you met someone who you thought was really ugly at first, only to discover that they are drop-dead fabulously attractive later on? That's pretty interesting too.)

[SCSimmons]

That has definitely happened to me before, even with women I found considerably attractive at first. (Well, those women didn't get ugly, per se, but became not at all pretty to my eyes.)

Fortunately, most people are fairly attractive on the inside. :)

[Sunspace]

When I was at college, I met a certain drop-dead-gorgeous woman. For a time, I sat near her in the cafeteria... and I overheard vain, shallow, callous, and cruel things come from her mouth. Interest turned to revulsion.

[Rhum Runner]

I have experienced this in both directions. Very Dorian Grey.

[Magickly Delicious]

I knew of a boy who was universally regarded as 'cute.' (okay, so "universally regarded" in the junior high) I never bothered to get to know him, though, because I still have a vivid memory of a day where everyone in my class had to get up to recite a poem. This boy sat behind me. I was horrified to hear him say something awful about each and every person in the class, including his friends, to a buddy sitting next to him. Funnily enough, I thought he was rather unattractive-looking after that.

[Persephone]

I've seen both, too.

There's a woman I work with who really isn't physically ugly. Rather like the woman described in the OP, actually, except that she's a good employee. Does her job extremely well.

But as a person...well, let's just say she's lacking. Her biggest problem is that she gossips. Not just "hey, I heard this..." gossip, either. Vicious, backstabbing gossip, even about people who call her a friend. It makes me ill. She gets uglier with each passing day.

[BlackKnight]

One of my roommates. When I first moved in I thought, "Hey, she's rather cute. I wouldn't mind hooking up with her." After hearing her creative views on men (including a frank admittal that she sometimes forgets they have feelings like a "person"), I can barely stomache her.

[Lamia]

My first year in college there was this girl I thought was totally hot. I have never admitted this to anyone before, but I once went so far as to check the schedule posted at her campus job to see when she'd next be working so I could "casually" drop by and see her.

But as I got to know her better, I realized that she possessed almost every undersireable trait possible. I mean she was unreliable, petty, envious, prone to irrational fits of temper, and a drunk to boot.

I also realized that she had the face of a lab rat and the body of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

On the other end of the scale, I know a girl who went from Average Annie to Dazzling Delilah the moment she mentioned her love of Terry Pratchett. :)

[Soul Brother Number Two]

What did she do? Spill the beans!

[yosemite]

This is so fascinating, everyone! I am glad to know I'm not the only one who has observed this "getting uglier" thing.essvee wrote:

What did she do? Spill the beans!Oh? You are asking me what Tammi did that may get her fired?

I really can't be too specific. And it's all "unofficial", since what I heard could be considered gossip and rumor.

I will tell you this, though. I work with developmentally disabled people (mentally retarded). Some people are not cut out for this work. Some are too impatient, are revolted by the people under our care, have no sympathy or understanding, are mean, etc. etc.

[honkytonkwillie]

It's pretty common for me to view women as more attractive as I become better acquainted with them.
Originally posted by yosemitebabe
So it was weird to see someone get uglier and uglier before my very eyes.
Mrs. Tonk is has been making this transformation since early August when she decided our 9 year marraige isn't going to continue. She passed the ugly stage some weeks ago, and is now almost thoroughly disgusting.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

[Anahita]

Originally posted by Lamia

On the other end of the scale, I know a girl who went from Average Annie to Dazzling Delilah the moment she mentioned her love of Terry Pratchett. :)

You mean me, don't you? I'm the Average Annie! Yay!


;)

[Forbin]

A girl I asked out a while back said yes, with all the appropriate enthusiasm and so fourth. Later she simply decided not to go out with me. I wasn't really strung along, but I was left in the dark. In a word, she was rude about it.
I expect a lot more.
I saw her again recently, and was all business. I really didn't feel the need to "catch up personally". I was there to do a job (she works for a customer of mine), and that's what I proceeded to do.
I did see her as far less attractive.
Because I think the OP is driving at a perception of physical beauty connected to what we think about the persons interactions, I'll clarify.
I found her physically unattractive. Yes, it happens, and I've noticed it too.

[Largo62]

There's an old song that goes, "Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?" Couldn't be more true. I met a woman in college who seemed completely ordinary at first, but got to be beautiful as I fell in love with her. I'd like to be able to report that we got married and lived happily ever after, but, alas I haven't even seen her in about thirty years. I couldn't say whether she'd still be beautiful to me, but I doubt it.

Also, in college, a psych teacher proposed an experiment in class. The students were all to look intently at her and imagine that she was the most hateful person in the world. She wasn't exactly gorgeous, but not unattractive either. But during the experiment she actually got ugly before our eyes. Then we were to imagine only good things about her. Her appearance improved as we looked at her. Try it yourself. Depending on the strength of your imagination, it works.



____________
Geezer

[Siege]

I think I may have pulled one of the faster and more dramatic turnarounds on this. Back in Hawaii, there was a fellow who was my best friend. We could and would talk about anything for hours on end, and I do mean anything! To give you an example, I once told him I could never see making love to him because he was a full foot taller than me and 3 feet wide at the shoulders and I was worried about him crushing me. A few weeks later, I realized he loved me. A few weeks after that, I, er, changed my mind about the other matter. It wound up not working out between us, but in my eyes, he's still better looking than Tom Cruise and Pierce Brosnan combined. Ain't love grand! :D

CJ

[Lamia]

Originally posted by Anahita

You mean me, don't you? I'm the Average Annie! Yay!


We didn't talk Discworld in London, did we? I'm sure if we had, you'd have flown right off the chart!

[Guinastasia]

I'm reminded of a movie I saw recently, The Enchanted Cottage.

Also, the "Do I Love You Because.." song is from Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella.

[Largo62]

Originally posted by Guinastasia
I'm reminded of a movie I saw recently, The Enchanted Cottage.

Also, the "Do I Love You Because.." song is from Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella.
Thanks for placing the song for me. I had forgotten where it came from.


__________
Geezer

[KarlGrenze]

It has happened both ways:

1. My current crush, while not ugly was certainly not the type I am usually attracted to at first. He managed to change it by being very nice to me and complimenting me.

2. Current classmate, he was just a regular guy until we had to work in a study group together. He is a smart guy who does not mind to explain things to others and simplify the concepts. This is not exactly easy to find in my science courses. By the time we finished the study group, he was (and still is) a very attractive smart man.

3. One of my high school classmates was a girl that, as seen from afar I found very pretty. Slender, pretty hair, athletic, yet I couldn't find her anything other than a bitter person thanks to her attitude. She was mean to others (and me), rude, hypocrite, and harsh. Each time I saw her boyfriend I felt sorry for him (he treated me better), until I remembered he was voluntarily with her. Blah.

[Duck Duck Goose]

Ooo, I saw this thread title and I immediately thought, "Liza." She's the mother of one of La Principessa's little school friends, and ever since her (I thought) amicable divorce a few years ago, she's looked older, and tireder, and just--uglier--every time I see her. Saw her last night when I dropped off Her Royal Highness for a sleepover, and she looked absolutely haggard.

Dunno exactly what's going on in her life to cause it, but she ain't doing well. :(

And OTOH, I have a friend at church about my age who is simultaneously growing uglier, and more beautiful, somehow. She never was what you'd call a "raving beauty"--well, okay, she was actually kind of strange-looking 15 years ago (she has her dad's face, which looks good on him but weird on her), and her face isn't improving any with age, but ya know, the more I get to know her, the more...beautiful... she gets, somehow. I just don't notice the face at all anymore.




[This Hallmark Moment was brought to you by...]

[Miss Magic8ball]

You know who gets uglier by the day?

Me.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Well, I'd say in my case both things happen because I totally lose my objectivity. It's the familiarity.

I've dated a few guys who were quite handsome, but as I got to know them I always saw the interesting character in their face, not the handsomeness. I'd forget and be surprised when someone flirted with them or mentioned how attractive they are.

Same with friends and coworkers--I tend to see what I love about them, not what they look like. Two of my coworkers each lost 50 pounds last year, and I didn't see it. I just didn't see it, because I never saw their weight, even as I knew they were losing. It was actually sort of weird.

[angelicate]

Oh yes, this definitely happens.
Back when i was in high school, I'd just switched schools and at my new school were two sisters, one my age and one a year younger. I could not tell them apart for anything, and I didn't think either of them were very attractive. As I got to know people at school, I ended up being friends with one of the sisters, and the more that I was around her, and got to know what a completely awesome, special person she was, the prettier she became. Likewise, the more I got to know her sister, and found out what a selfish and downright weird person she was, the uglier she got. I look back at pictures of them now and don't see how I ever got the two of them confused.

[EchoKitty]

I just re-watched Enchanted Cottage the other day. What a great movie! The whole idea of being beautiful to the one who loves you is so true. My husband and I think each other is the hottest thing since electric blankets, but that's just cuz we're crazy about each other.

[Rilchiam]

I only ever saw Mr. Rilch as handsome, even though when we met, he was convinced that he was not. When we'd been living together for about three years, we had the following exchange:

Him: I'm so glad I'm getting my weight down. God, when I met you, I was 298.

Me: I didn't realize you were that big.

Him: You didn't realize?!

Me: Well, I noticed you were kinda large...

Him: How could you not notice that I was pushing three hundred?

Me: I just didn't.

Him: :confused:

But I swear, I never thought of him as "the fat guy" or anything like that.

Conversely, when I was a freshman in college, I met a guy who was just stunningly, dazzlingly handsome. I thought at first that I could never like him, because I'd been dissed by preppy-looking guys of his type before, and not just once. I got to know him better, though, and found out that he was a genuinely sincere person who just happened to come from a good gene pool. So he became both more and less attractive. Sort of the opposite of DDG's church friend: he became more accessible and less intimidating.

I once read a quote (heck if I can remember who said it): "Familiarity is cruel to beauty but kind to ugliness." I don't like to think of anyone being ugly (I prefer the term homely, unless I'm referring to someone who's nasty inside and out, like "Tammi"), but it's true.

[Rilchiam]

Oh, and one other thing. At the same college, I knew a guy who had an elongated jawline. The first day we met, he casually referred to himself as "ugly".

Bad idea. Until then, I hadn't had any sort of problem with his appearance; I'd even thought he was kinda cute. But the minute he said that, it became impossible for me to think of him as anything else. As a friend, I later warned him to never, ever say that to a girl he was interested. Or to anyone at all.