Deep philosophical, religious and selfish bratty thoughts

[tiny ham]

I suppose this could be in IMHO or even my journal, but I know there's a lot of learned Corn fed Christian Bible folk on the boards who may be able to give a little clarity.

I'm curious as to why "God's Wonderful and Glorious Plan For Me" (a phrase I've heard since I could retain memories) is all a big mystery. I don't understand why I need to be put through such frustration for such a long time.

When M sends James Bond on a mission, she doesn't just sit there with a big thick file and say,

"I've got all the details here, but you'll have to figure them out on your own. This will require pain, failure, sadness, frustration and anger. I COULD bypass all of that by giving you this file, but I choose not to."

God gave me a talent for acting (I hear)...and yet when I tried that as a career, I failed.

God gave me a talent for writing...and yet when I try that for a career, I fail.

So now I'm a secretary, working in a field I could not POSSIBLY care less about.

God put in me a burning desire to have children, a family, to be a good mom to a bustling household...and when I try to do that, I fail.

And yet, my pot smoking, X taking, drinking, no job cousin who's boyfriend left her the minute she was knocked up gets to have a lovely, gorgeous healthy baby "on accident", whom she leaves with her mother so she can have sex in hotels in Indiana.

I'm thirty years old now, and I'm just a bit curious. When does this big exciting plan come into play? When do I get to realize, "Oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, this is where I'm supposed to be!"

Because I can rock solid guarantee you it ain't workin' in a consulting office for six years.

I told my mother that my lack of success in the reproductive arena is really shaking my faith that God wants what's best for me and she nearly fainted. I could hear her gathering up the Christian Troops on the other end. I suspect I'll be receiving a lot of Chicken Soup books for Christmas.

But it's true. I don't get it. I've always been taught that I need to turn everything over to God, depend, have faith, trust, and ASK HIM for what you need or desire, ask for guidance or help. Well, I've been doing it all my life and I'm wondering when anything is going to work out.

Any thoughts?

[Latro]

Well, looks like you've been taught wrong then, doesn't it?
You've been asking things from a big blue empty sky.

That's one thought.

[irishgirl]

((((jarbaby))))

hang in there.
i know it's really hard to, and i'm not going to say anything different.

but there IS a plan, it just might be on a different timescale to the one you hoped.
and yes, i know it's a cliched and a fairly hollow platitude, but it's what i'm holding onto for myself at the moment.

jar, if it helps at all, i really feel that your writings on the board have enriched my life, and i'll be sending you good thoughts and prayers.

[tiny ham]

Well, thanks for the cyber hugs and thoughts, they are appreciated, but I guess I'm looking for a good, solid Christian theory. :D

I suppose I am expected to be LEARNING something from this uphill struggle, but I have absolutely no idea what in the world it could be since my life is just so stagnant and relatively boring, and completely lacking in all the things I'd hoped and worked for (save the wonderful husband, which just fell into my lap)

I guess it's the big question we all want to know, Why do bad things happen to good people? But it's not so much bad things as NO THINGS.

My pastor uncle would say it's because I'm not praying ENOUGH, and my mother would say Shut up and be grateful you have all your limbs...but I know the dopers have deeper insights.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

There isn't any "plan," Jar, excapt that which you make for yourself. Was it part of God's "plan" for 3000+ people to do die on 9/11? was the holocaust part of the plan? This "plan" stuff is just another word for fatalism. Fatalism is gutless.

You failed at acting and writing? Virtually everybody fails at acting and writing. You just have to be persistent. Don't stop trying. Keep writing, keep submitting, keep auditioning. If you really have talent, somebody will notice. Don't wait around for God to do something for you. God is a verb. God is action. God is now.

Oh, and don't be too jealous of single mothers. It ain't that much fun.

[blanx]

Jar-

for what it's worth, this is coming from a dyed-in-the wool atheist.

If you have lived your life to this point believing in God, and trusting that he has a plan for you, then you should continue to do so. Nothing has changed. Either there is a god, or there isn't, and you're not going to get any proof one way or the other before it's too late to make a difference. If you have received comfort and reassurance from your faith, then by all means keep it.

From reading your writings on the board, I know that you have a loving husband, good friends, and many other things in your life to be thankful for. Since you believe in God, then thank him for those things.

I guess, from my outsider's perspective, that the whole point of faith, the very essence of the thing that I do not get, is that faith is just that- faith. There is nothing supporting that faith. You can't support it, or prove to someone who doesn't believe as you do that they should believe. It isn't like a contract, or an if/then clause. You have it, or you don't. So, if you're going to have faith, then have faith. For its own sake.

Not to be too harsh, but what reason do you have to expect that your faith will be rewarded? What does God owe you? Either you believe in God because you believe in God, or your faith is conditional on something else. If your faith is conditional on something else, then is it really faith? I don't have the answer to that one.

Strangely, I guess the point of my ramblings is that you should keep your faith in God. Your faith has led you to be the person you are today, with the gifts and blessings that you have. Either you have children, or you don't.

But you have much to be thankful for, and you should remain strong in your faith.

blanx

[Ethilrist]

Not a particularly devout, scholarly Christian here, but from what I remember, the idea was that when Jesus came down and spread the word, that was a really big deal, and the info-dump he provided at that time was supposed to be enough for everybody, till the end of time. God's really gotten out of the burning-bush business and, outside of the guidelines provided by Jesus, leaves us pretty much to our own devices.

I believe you ARE learning from your struggle, and I believe you will find solutions to your problems, and I believe you will be a fanastic Mom.

That's faith. Sometimes you have to believe in your friends, sometimes in God, sometimes in yourself.

[Accipiter1]

My view of God's plan for us isn't anything as elaborate as "I was born to be a doctor or a lawyer or become president". Rather IMHO I see God's plan as being the same for all of us, for all of us to come to love one another and become his children. That is God's plan for all of us plain and simple. I don't think that God really cares if I'm a doctor or a hairdresser or in what esteem other people hold me as long as continue to love my brother as myself.

The things that happen otherwise in life is little more than the results of our culture, environment, and genetics. I do not think it is really in God's plan that you should be having a hard time having children, but some of us will have a harder time than others because of genetic predisposition or an ill-timed groin kick. That is life, not what I tend to think of as God's plan.

[Drastic]

It's the good old Problem of Suffering, that classic insoluble companian to any theology built around a theistic 3-O God. Cue refrains of Gotta Have Faith and Mysterious Ways.

Personally, I suspect it's only a problem in the way that precise mapping of the epicycles that planets move in in their larger perfectly circular orbits is a problem--which is, not a problem of facts at all. There is no Problem of Suffering--only a Truth of it. A plan is a list of things that don't happen; people make and remake their own plans, glorious to foul and the more routine troubles in between.

[tiny ham]

I will keep my faith in God because he has shown me great things, and helped me in times of trouble. He brings peace and clarity....

except when i really really need it.

Diogenes, I'm not 'jealous' of my single mom cousin, I'm downright MAD. And this is where the selfish bratty part comes in. It's not fair. It's not FAIR that she was upset to find out she was pregnant, and doesn't have any way to support this kid and she smoked and drank and did pot the whole time she was pregnant, and he's perfect. NO CONSEQUENCES for her...at all.

I beg every night, in tears to get pregnant. My husband and I have good jobs, are healthy, loving, prepared...and we get nothing.

I don't understand why I have to suffer like this.

I believe you ARE learning from your struggle, and I believe you will find solutions to your problems, and I believe you will be a fanastic Mom.

When? WHEN WHEN? What the hell was this first thirty years of my life for besides learning how to walk and wipe myself?

[Eve]

Well, y'ain't gonna get one from me, toots. Like the WWI song goes, "We're here because we're here because we're here because we're here . . ." I've never understood why some people think we're here "for a reason" or to "learn things." Life is not a sitcom, and we don't get a moral at the end of our 30 minutes.

[erislover]

Unless there moral is, "Folks, the moral to the story is there is no moral to the story."

[JustPlainBryan]

Originally posted by Eve
Well, y'ain't gonna get one from me, toots. Like the WWI song goes, "We're here because we're here because we're here because we're here . . ." I've never understood why some people think we're here "for a reason" or to "learn things." Life is not a sitcom, and we don't get a moral at the end of our 30 minutes.

Life is a sitcom! You've never heard the laugh track after a hilarious situation occurs? :D


As to the OP, all I can say is that if you think there is an ultimate plan for yourself, then go with it, since deity is metaphor for the self anyways.

[tiny ham]

In other words, it's what I've always thought:

I AM GOD

[rampisad]

On a lighter note ...
When M sends James Bond on a mission, she doesn't ...

She? SHE??? You've been watching too many late reruns on the tube. That's like learning your social skills from Dilbert.

Seriously, all through this thread, your respondents are talking about faith, and this is a very important aspect of these discussions that's so often overlooked. We have faith in a Higher Power because of, not in spite of, the lack of proof. If the existence of G-d could be proven, there would be no need of faith, and anyone who denied it wouldn't be an agnostic, s/he would be a fool! Since I'm not a Christian, I express it in this way - I have faith in the Holy One, Blessed Be He. I'm not wise enough to understand everything that happens in this world, but that it happens for a purpose is central to my faith.

If your life is lacking something, then you have to have faith, firstly that there is some deeper meaning to this, and secondly that your importance in the overall scheme of the world is not lessened by it, but strengthened.

[JustPlainBryan]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
In other words, it's what I've always thought:

I AM GOD




Shhhhh! Don't let the secret out! ;)

[Super Gnat]

What really sucks is that sometimes you pray to God for something, and He says "No.". Or "Wait.".
Conversely, you may just need to a)get up off yer bum and start working, or b)continue to be off yer bum and working. God isn't the Magical Wish Genie, as much as we'd like Him to be. You are a part of this process.

All of the above being IMHO, and therefore subject to error.

[tiny ham]

Of course, I haven't just been sitting around waiting for the Magical Wish Genie. I've been working my proverbial ass off, through heartache, depression, injury, poverty...all of those things...

and I'm still a secretary in a field I absolutely detest.

Please don't assume I just sit around waiting for things to fall in my lap.

[kimera]

First of, a little background about me. I was raised heavily catholic, but have since renounce all organized religion and instead, I have my own little spiritualness. Still, I think I can offer some points that might help you.

There are things we want, things we need and things we can't have. The trick is, learning to be happy with the things you need.

Personally, I want children. After raising most of my younger siblings and many years of baby-sitting, I love children and I would greatly desire to have them. But, I also have an inherited mental disorder. My grandmother was in mental hospitals for most of her life and my mother is on constant medicination. My life has been very difficult because of this disorder. If I were to have children, I would pass it on to them. I know that my situation is not the same as yours, as not having children is something I had to chose not to do. But I have experienced the intense desire for children while not being able to act upon that desire.

It seems very unfair to me, as there are all these abused children in the world, and I, who have had lots of experience with children, can not have any.

I know that adoption isn't the same, but you should at least consider it.

I've found it's helpful to also work or volunteer for organizations which involve young children. I've helped out at the children's hospital several times. I've also taken to working at animal shelters. I've raised a few kittens who were abandoned by their mothers.

I think several people think "if I do good things, I deserve to recieve happiness" I think that's destructive thinking. First of all, doing good should not be done because you expect reward, but because it is the right think to do. Secondly, you blame yourself for things that go wrong. And thirdly, happiness is not something that is just given to people. It is something that must be worked for.

So you like acting, but you can't make it as an actor... perhaps you could work with children's theater or just make acting something you do on the side.

I don't believe that God made me unable to have children so I could use my experience to help out children without families, but I can see how a religious person with a similar problem as mine might believe that.

Good luck. I've heard of people who've had children after years of being infertile. Have you seen a doctor?

[furt]

I seem to recall Sarah having a complaint much like yours, except she was much older.

Jacob was pretty horny after working six years for Rachel.

And Moses was bitching a lot after 39 years in the wilderness.

It sucked being Joshua on day six at Jericho.

And I imagine Jesus got pretty damn hungry on day 39.

Not to mention hanging up there for six hours.



Being temporal sucks. It's not natural.

And FWIW, I'm absolutely with you. I'm 32, still a year from finishing grad school, broke, taking 3 pills a day to keep from putting my head in an oven, and sick of waiting for Miss Right.

(Come to think of it ... are you free this weekend?)

If you're into reading, The Power and the Glory by Greene helped me a lot.

But there is no "answer." Just faith, and, if you're lucky, the knowledge that others carry the same burdens...

[furt]

Oops. Missed the husband part. Nevermind about this weekend...

[masonite]

You know what I want? I want to be a "worker in the field" or a "laborer in the vineyard" or a "stomper out of grain" or one of those wholesome, low-stress, hard-work Biblical careers. Something that pays the bills and allows me to live without wondering, every single month, whether I'm going to make enough money to live in my rented house a bit longer, or have to move into the YMCA.

I've given up entirely on trying to make a mark on the world. The machine has to have cogs; why shouldn't I just be a cog in the machine?

If God has a Big Plan for me, I don't think it's going to involve my being CEO of anything. It may just be, being in the right place at the right time, saying the right word to the right person. That could make all the difference.

Wait, and pray, and be faithful.

And may I add: Jarbabyj, I'm really fond of you and your posts. You're an absolute doll. I just had to say that. :)

[tiny ham]

wanna get me pregnant?

I guess the question is...if God truly wants me to be happy, which I believe he does, why doesn't he let me succeed at something right now? He has the power to give me everything I need and want, and yet he doesn't, and why is that?

This thread has been very helpful, it's given me a lot of stuff to think over.

Ava, I'll be seeing the doctor next month. I have to try to conceive for nine consecutive months before taking 'drastic measures'.

jar

[Cholo]

jarbabyj,

Bear with me, I'm not trying to be judgemental but perahps you need to consider this...what are you doing FOR God? Are you truly saved? Are you bearing true Christian fruit? Do you tithe? Are you in the Word? Does Christ live in your heart?

All I can tell you is that not too long ago I was simply lukewarm to God. Seemed like a good idea but I was busy in MY life. My wife on the other hand was/is a devout Christian. I can tell you firsthand that after she became serious about her faith and began to do God's will (not hers) that I could simply not ignore the blessings raining down on us. I KNOW I didn't deserve it but it happened. Two beautiful gifted children, a BIG career change (went back to college), a BIG move away from our families, with decent jobs now. After all this happened...and from my perspective it was by the hand of God...well I felt compelled to study more. Things were happening all around me. After facing the facts and looking deep into my heart and seeing evidence with my eyes...well I made a decision. Just last year, I gave my life to Christ and it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Am I now suddenly rich? No. Have I gotten better looking? No. Is everything GREAT all the time? No.

Do I have troubles? Yes. Do I feel stress? Yes. Do I struggle too do right? Yes.

As a matter of fact, I struggle MORE with myself than ever before because now I'm aware of my duality (old man=sinful nature vs. new man=In dwelling Christ).

My point is...now that I'm a Christian and I WORK at doing what is right...well, God takes care of me and my family. I can tell you that I used to be adamant about tithing in full...I used to give my wife heck about it because even though we have decent jobs, there still was college to pay for, a mortage, two cars, daycare etc. etc. After I got saved, I told her to do what's right and you know what? We have NEVER gone short on cash. We have NEVER struggled with money being too tight. God provides because (I feel) we are giving freely as we're supposed to. Not only that but we contribute work to the Church because we WANT to and because we know it's right. We also pray separately several times daily with all our hearts and we give God all the glory for what he's done for us. We're thankful for what he's done but we also are willing to do his will regardless of what we feel. We have to put effort forth in order to recieve. You know..."God helps those who help themselves".

What you may not know or recognize is that perhaps God's plan is ONLY for you to witness at your office. WHAT IF that's all God wants from you? I don't know but I have found if you have a relationship with God and ask for opportunities to do his will...well, you'd be surprised what will be presented.

I hope you find peace in your heart.

[quarx]

Originally posted by jarbabyj

When? WHEN WHEN? What the hell was this first thirty years of my life for besides learning how to walk and wipe myself?

Hi, jarbabyj. Hang in there!!

I'd like to chime in by saying that I've been in this situation where I ask "WHEN?" (and I don't think there's a way to ask that sort of question in lowercase, either. It's all shouting to yourself when you're in that situation.

If it helps, the first thirty years of your life for you seems to have been spent very valuably. You are taking some hard knocks and getting that out of the way and learning from the mistakes of others. This, as you are well aware, is not at all fun; in fact, it's miserable. But when you do get through it--and I believe you will, as you seem very tough, strong, nice, and sincere from what I've read--you will know how NOT to do things. And THAT'S a very good thing to know. THAT'S what is going to ensure you don't screw your life up with some crazy stunt when you're in your 40's in some half-assed midlife crisis.

This probably won't help your mood much. I heard the same thing while in your situation, and it sounded like so much shit and saccharine, but looking back on it, the tough times were worth the lessons they imparted to me.

And, btw, this isn't to say that this shit is deserved. It's just ... inevitable. Every life fully lived with passion and caring will encounter times such as yours. If you didn't care, none of this crap would get to you.

One more thing: I'm with blanx on the whole "keep your faith" advice. I'm an atheist who's perfectly happy with his atheism, but in times like these, faith can be a powerful and wonderful thing. There are times, in fact, when I still wish I had it. Anyone can have faith when times are good. Faith is harder to come by when times get a little flakey. So ride this thing out until times get better and then reexamine any religious faith issues you might have.

Once more, hang in there. You seem like good people, jarbaby. I think you'll get through this time.

[amarinth]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I guess the question is...if God truly wants me to be happy, which I believe he does, why doesn't he let me succeed at something right now? He has the power to give me everything I need and want, and yet he doesn't, and why is that? This is going to sound platitudy - and marginally chicken soup. I'll hate myself for it in the morning.

I honestly think that He does give us what we need when we need it. That it isn't necessarily about learning something, just timing. (Sometimes it is, but not always).
Also, I guess at times (ok, it has happened at times) that what I want is often exactly what I don't need (or at least not right then).

I don't know, I'm going through kind of the same sort of thing right now- I know what I want, so much it hurts - and it seems that I just can't have it. And I have no choice, I find, but to keep praying (a lot of the time, in anger) - and my mom is the least helpful person on earth (the stories she tells, they make the situation worse. I think she thinks she's helping, but totally misses the boat, could not be a worse encourager, but I'm digressing), and praying some more, and looking for the things that He is giving to me, and being thankful for what He has done for me in the past.

[kniz]

My wife and I were married for three years and not really thinking of having a child. Her doctor told her that because of some female problem, she would have trouble getting pregnant. He said for her to elevate her hips with a pillow and not get out of bed after sex. We followed the instructions and I became a daddy, immediately. Three years later, we decided to have another and like clockwork , it happened again.

I can't swear that it was due to his advice, but I can't swear it wasn't. My point is that if you haven't seen a doctor yet, you haven't played all of your cards yet, by a long shot.

After the second child, I didn't want anymore children. A few years later my oldest son was in Cub Scouts and the leader was a foster parent. We became foster parents and ended up adopting three children. At age 41, I was going thru adopting a set of 3 year old twins. At that time, I was doing a lot of soul searching about what God was doing to my life.

The twins are 23 now and I not only lived thru it, but I feel I've had a much more rewarding life because of it. God doesn't give you everything you want and sometimes He gives you more than you want.

A few years back, we had a minister who had two grown adopted boys. He confided in me one day about how people made it obvious to him that they felt adoption was inferior to being a natural parent. He wanted to know how I felt about it, because I knew both sides. I was able to help him that day and he was able to help me, many times, in my doubts about being a Christain.

What I'm saying is that you have many options open and there are probably many surprises waiting for you. You need to open yourself up to those options and seeing the doctor will be your first step.

Good luck and we'll all be praying for you.

[mrcrow]

Originally posted by jarbabyj

I guess it's the big question we all want to know, Why do bad things happen to good people? But it's not so much bad things as NO THINGS.
My pastor uncle would say it's because I'm not praying ENOUGH, and my mother would say Shut up and be grateful you have all your limbs...but I know the dopers have deeper insights.
i have been through this and came to certain conclusions
God does not need me
I need Him.my choice
praying can only be effective if it is in God's will
I have not nor ever will know God's plan for anything..
just that He has one.
so I pray anyway
my pastor told me if you have a really bad headache and you come to Christ you immediately have Christ, and the headache but its better than not having Him...it might just work.?
faith is spelled r.i.s.k.
i take risks everyday.:)

[Stoid]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I guess the question is...if God truly wants me to be happy, which I believe he does, why doesn't he let me succeed at something right now? He has the power to give me everything I need and want, and yet he doesn't, and why is that?


Not a christian, but get the concept.

I think you start from a flawed premise. Who ever told you that God's plan was for you to "be happy" in the manner you describe? That's certainly not what I've heard about it.

You are looking at stuff you want, pointing at it, and saying: "God, gimme that, then I'll be happy like you want me to be." Good heavens, you sound like a spoiled child!

I think you need to completely reverse the whole picture. God does not want to give you whatever you've concluded will make you happy... God wants you to be grateful and happy for all the good things you've already got, and you've got an embarassment of riches by almost any measure, judging from what you present here.

Start with gratitude. Live in that for awhile. Bathe in it. Every time you find yourself whining about what you don't have, stop and reflect on what you DO have and how blessed you are. Make it a habit. Chase every whiny thought you have away and fill that space with a grateful thought instead, until it has become an ingrained habit, until you don't even recognize yourself anymore. And do it without expectation of anything. Do it honestly, cuz, ya know, God can tell when you're faking.

When that has become your habit, you just might find changes afoot. But even if you don't, it won't matter.

stoid

[norinew]

Jarbaby, I have been told that adversity is God's way of drawing us closer to Him. People who get everything they want when they want it tend not to be reliant on God, and don't concern themselves with God's plan. Having said that, I do believe that God wants us to be happy. But there could be a reason you just can't see right now why what you want for yourself might not be such a great idea. I think of it in terms of parent/child. I am no more capable of understanding God's plan for me than my 3-year-old is capable of understanding my plan for her. She thinks eating five cookies would be a great idea. She's incapable of understanding why I won't let her. I am incapable of understanding why God won't let me have all the things I want, when I want them. But faith means that I trust that if I do my best, things will turn out as they are supposed to. I said a healing prayer for you (it's for physical and emotional healing), and will keep you in my thoughts.
Norine

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Stoid

You are looking at stuff you want, pointing at it, and saying: "God, gimme that, then I'll be happy like you want me to be." Good heavens, you sound like a spoiled child!



Although I DO see your point, I hardly see desiring a job that I'm content and successful in and raising a family as being "spoiled". It's not like I'm asking for a solid gold house and a pony.

A woman's body is created to grow children, and I am dumbfounded as to why I'm not supposed to do that. And if God possessed me with talents that are creative, why in the world am I not meant to use them?

[Stoid]

You are being awfully stubborn in holding on to your view of how it's supposed to be. I note that you had zip to say about the rest of my post.

Maybe YOUR body isn't supposed to grow children? Maybe God's task for you has nothing to do with what you think it ought to be. The way I've always heard it, God is primarily concerned with you doing His will, not you getting what you want and being happy according to your idea of what being happy should include.

Maybe your talents are supposed to be given away for free? Maybe God is waiting for you to figure out how you can use your talents to glorify Him, rather than yourself? Maybe God is denying you your own biological children because he's decided that he wants you to save some of His children that are without a loving family to care for them?

If you are sincere about being a Christian, and believing that God has a plan, you need to get over thinking that you know what that plan is, use your talents to do good in the world, get in touch with gratitude, and just do what is in front of you to do without complaint.

[tiny ham]

Stoid, I'm very grateful for the things God has given me, and I thank him every day for it. He has frankly kept me from suicide at my lowest points when I thought my life had no purpose and I remembered this verse:

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Whether his plans are for me to die of Cancer in three years or live until I'm ninety and have fifty grandchildren, I would like for part of this plan to be revealed to me just a tad. I'd like to know if I'm on the right path. Hey, if I'm supposed to be a secretary until the day I die, I'd like to know so I can just give up on everything else. If I'm not supposed to have kids, then perhaps the doctors could stop telling me that I'm perfectly fertile and healthy. Get it? I'm not asking God to give me things blindly, I'm asking for an understanding of what I'm supposed to do.

I am sincere about being a Christian, and I am a grateful, praise filled, peace filled Christian...but haven't you ever heard someone say "Gosh, I just found out what I'm supposed to do be doing with my life...it all came to me!" and then their life falls into place?

Guess what? I'm thirty and it hasn't happened. I have no idea, and meanwhile, the finite lifetime is passing by.

[sbic56]

Interesting perspective you have. I think it is a 30's thing to want to achieve all these goals ...and right now! (I remember that.) It takes awhile to realize that you are living the best part of life by going through the journey. That reality will eventually grown on you. What else do you want to be besides and actor or a writer? These are good hobbies, but hard to count on as a profession. Why do you have to be a secretary if you hate it so much? I really don't see where God plays in the whole scheme of things here. Seems he is being used more as a crutch...it's OK to keep your faith in mind, if that helps, but why make your belief in God an excuse for not doing what you really want to do?

[Devil's Advocate]

I'm not sure how much advice I can offer here. If you assume that the Creator is a perfect being, well, I frankly find it difficult to reason from such an absurd premise. Yeah, it's possible that everything in the world is just as great as it can be and if we don't feel that way it's just due to our tiny brains' lack of understanding. But really, how likely is that? My feeling is that a perfect being would create a perfect universe, and that ain't what we got. If I were omnipotent, I probably could have done better. You could have. There are a lot of problems in the world, and an omnipotent being could fix them. There are lots of things that we think are wonderful for humans to do, so why aren't they done directly by God? Why would it be good for humans to do them, but not for God to do them? How can one believe in such an entity and still believe in any sort of positive morality, i.e., believe that it's good to do certain things, not just good to refrain from doing certain things? With God in charge, why aren't those things done already?

Nonetheless, if we assume that there is a God and He is indeed the best possible guy to have in charge of this joint, it pretty much follows, it seems to me, that helping you out is not in fact "good" in some ultimate sense. If your own goals conflict with some greater plan, perhaps you can derive some comfort from the belief that God is serving something far more important than your own concerns. (Or maybe you'll be mad that your own goals conflict with the ultimate good, since that means you can't get what you want; after all, there's nothing inherently objective about our desires. I wish there were.)

Frankly, it seems a little odd to me that people should lose or question their faith as a result of personal experience. I mean, were they not already aware that bad things happen to good people? Did it never occur to them to think about that before? But then, there’s not necessarily anything rational about what we believe (or don’t).

I also agree that trying to get the things you want is kind of a spiritually backward approach to happiness. You should, indeed, first try to be grateful for what you have. Buddhism (I think) teaches that suffering is created by desire. The problem isn't really that you don't have the things that you want, it's that you want things that you don't have. No matter how much you achieve, you'll always want more. The secret to lasting contentment is to stop wanting. The problem with this, of course, is that it is really friggin' hard.

It's possible that you may not be able to have children. It's possible that you may never succeed in acting or writing. It's also possible, and probably more likely, that you will just have to wait awhile. Even then, you're left with the problem of what to do in the meantime. But c'mon, things can't be all that bleak. Surely there's something else you find fulfilling. If you think there isn't, search for something. And of course, keep trying at the things that are so important to you.

I dunno about the theory that if you lead your life right, good things will happen to you. But my feeling is that if you're going to be miserable anyway, you might as well be moral. Try to help people who are less fortunate than you; as hard as it may be to believe right now, there are probably a lot of them. You may even find that it makes you feel better. Stranger things have happened.

I can't really relate to the desire for a child. After all, we're not even taking care of all the people we have; I hardly see the need to make more. But then again, I'm not working hard to provide for anyone. Having a kid is probably a lot better than not doing anything. Nonetheless, it's probably not the absolute best thing to do, in the moral sense. Maybe you could try providing child care to someone who needs the help. Interacting with children might help to fill the void you feel, even if it's not the same as having a child of your "own".

Also... you longed for a baby when your cousin had a wonderful baby she didn't want? Well, am I the only one to see an obvious solution there? Granted, there may be a million reasons why it wouldn't have worked out. Maybe open adoptions aren't done where you live (I don't think they're legal everywhere yet), and you didn’t want to take care of a child you might have to give up. Maybe your cousin wouldn't have agreed. Maybe you want to have a child of your "own", instead of adopting. In any case, it's probably too late to do anything about it now. But I though that I would mention that, just in case it isn't.

I also know the Meaning of Life (http://www.sysopmind.com/tmol-faq/meaningoflife.html), but I'm not sure it's strictly relevant here. Still, I thought I'd mention it. There is an interesting section that denies that happiness (http://www.sysopmind.com/tmol-faq/miscellaneous.html#happiness) is really meaningful for its own sake. On the other hand, it goes on to say that pleasure might be meaningful, and I don't really see the distinction; I mean, even if they aren't the same thing, one invariably accompanies the other, right? Ah well.

I hope that at least some of this is helpful, even though there’s a good chance that it wasn’t. I suspect that there are some situations where just saying something to someone isn’t going to help. Even realizing that the problem is due in part to the behavior of your own mind, not just external circumstances, doesn’t in itself make it better. Sometimes, there are no easy solutions, and you just have to keep trying until you find something that works.

But you have my sympathy.

[tiny ham]

1. I'm very very grateful for all that have, if I haven't made that clear, I'd like to right now. There are some who never find a true love like I have in my life, some who are struggling to pay the electic bill or what have you, some who can't travel. Some who don't have a lovely, fulfilling relationship with their parents and siblings...and I have all of that, and I'm so grateful for that it nearly makes me cry.

2. Like I said above, I'm not asking for THINGS so much as knowledge or guidance. For example, if I am not able to have a baby I want that to be made clear to me.

Perhaps my question was phrased incorrectly in the beginning. I knew it had the potential to come out 'whiny', and begging for sympathy, and while I appreciate it, that really wasn't what I was looking for. That's why I put it in Great Debates.

I want to know what the different schools of religious thought are on the purpose of confusion, suffering, 'wandering' perse. I DO believe God wants me to be happy. God created us to spread love and joy and feel love and joy and the happiness we find in Christ. I DO NOT believe that God just wants us to sit around burning sacrifices and settling for what's easiest in life.

If I was supposed to be an automaton office worker, God would have put in me no ambition or creative drive or desire. So I'm wondering what it's there for.

[pepperlandgirl]

Why do you believe God wants you happy? What makes you different than the millions of people he allows to starve to death every year in Africa? What makes you different from the millions of suffering people in India? Why do you deserve more happiness than people who live under oppressive governments and don't have any freedoms.
Honestly, why should God care about you and your petty desires at all? If he's going to be all "people need to be happy" I'd expect him to start by feeding some starving babies. I'd expect him to start by helping some homeless children find shelter in harsh winter months. I wouldn't expect him to say "wow, jar needs a kid. Better get on that." Maybe he's given you all the blessings and guidance you're going to get.

I guess my whole post is really just about one question though....why do you deserve it and why should God care?

[Devil's Advocate]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
Whether his plans are for me to die of Cancer in three years or live until I'm ninety and have fifty grandchildren, I would like for part of this plan to be revealed to me just a tad. I'd like to know if I'm on the right path. Hey, if I'm supposed to be a secretary until the day I die, I'd like to know so I can just give up on everything else. If I'm not supposed to have kids, then perhaps the doctors could stop telling me that I'm perfectly fertile and healthy. Get it? I'm not asking God to give me things blindly, I'm asking for an understanding of what I'm supposed to do.

I am sincere about being a Christian, and I am a grateful, praise filled, peace filled Christian...but haven't you ever heard someone say "Gosh, I just found out what I'm supposed to do be doing with my life...it all came to me!" and then their life falls into place?

Guess what? I'm thirty and it hasn't happened. I have no idea, and meanwhile, the finite lifetime is passing by.
Maybe God doesn't have your life planned out for you. Maybe it's up to you to decide what to do with your life, and to deal with any problems that arise. And maybe it's also your job to figure out when the obstacles involved are insurmountable, and quit.

Maybe some people do have "destinies", in some divine sense, but that doesn't mean that everyone does. Not everyone is necessarily suited to something they enjoy, either. Maybe some of us just bumble our ways through life until we die. Even then, it's not all bad. We can still make the best of what we have.

And if God does have a plan for you, maybe it involves not knowing what it is. Maybe you're meant to struggle, and maybe this is one of the things you're meant to struggle with. Perhaps, if you're lucky, all will be revealed when the time is right.

"Can you really assume God's purpose is inscrutable just because nobody has ever figured it out? Since God hasn't told us, doesn't it follow that anyone who did figure it out would refuse to tell anyone?"
- The Meaning of Life FAQ (http://www.sysopmind.com/tmol-faq/theology.html#ultimate) by Eliezer S. Yudkowsky

By the way, I was lucky enough to find out what I should be doing with my life when I read the linked FAQ. The problem is getting off my ass and doing it. This is no minor problem, either.

[Devil's Advocate]

Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
I guess my whole post is really just about one question though....why do you deserve it and why should God care?
Personally, I believe that it's bad for anyone to suffer or be unhappy. Suffering may be justifiable, but only as a means to an end.

God should care, in theory, because He's a benevolent entity. But I'm not fully convinced that that's the case. Really, why should we expect God to share our notions of what constitutes "good"? That may be the root of the problem here.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

I think God is less hands-on and less planful than you believe. It's just a difference of opinion, of course.

I think God gives us gifts, but He doesn't ordain how we use them. Maybe they'll bring you joy--or maybe they won't. Maybe they'll lead to a career--or maybe they won't. God gives us talents and abilities and flaw and problems--and then He gives us strength and will and individuality which lets us pursue things as we choose. We don't all make wise decisions, and we don't all use our talents in the same way (or at all). But I do think it's up to us (just my belief).

I don't think God meant for me to find one right man and choose one right pre-planned career and have a pre-ordained number of children. I made (what I think are) good choices, but they were MY choices.

I think if anything, God wants us to use our talents to do more good than harm, something I haven't always done. For example, I have a sense of humor that I used to use against people--I don't do that any more.

Everyone has talents that aren't fully used, or which don't get used in a profession--there are many excellent writers here on the board who don't write professionally, for example. I am creative, but my job doesn't call for much creativity. I use it in other ways.

[Stoid]

Originally posted by jarbabyj

2. Like I said above, I'm not asking for THINGS so much as knowledge or guidance. For example, if I am not able to have a baby I want that to be made clear to me.


You say that as though you are the only one being denied Perfect Clarity about your life! You are expecting an epiphany that pretty much no one ever gets, why should you? Do what is in front of you to do. Make your choices in each moment. The big plan won't be clear until you are on the other side of it, and there is no reason it should be.

I want to know what the different schools of religious thought are on the purpose of confusion, suffering, 'wandering' perse. I DO believe God wants me to be happy. God created us to spread love and joy and feel love and joy and the happiness we find in Christ. I DO NOT believe that God just wants us to sit around burning sacrifices and settling for what's easiest in life.

See the posts directly above. If God wants everyone to be happy, why do so many suffer? And if you are so grateful, why aren't you happy? And do you not feel the joy and happiness you find in Christ? And if you do, what's the beef?

If I was supposed to be an automaton office worker, God would have put in me no ambition or creative drive or desire.

Really? How do you know that? Do you think that everyone who spends their lives doing crappy office work was "meant" to and God spared them the burning desire for anything different? And if you really believe that, can you tell me when you arrived on our planet from the one you've been living on?

Sorry, Jar, you've got the whole damn thing bass ackwards, inside out and upside down. You sound like a gal that needs to start over from scratch with the whole spiritual understanding thing. Seriously, seriously.

[Devil's Advocate]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
I want to know what the different schools of religious thought are on the purpose of confusion, suffering, 'wandering' perse.
Have you read the Book of Job? That's supposed to be the book of the Bible that deals with suffering, innit? I started reading it myself, but I didn't get all the way through it. Frankly, the writing in the Bible is pretty bland. It addresses lots of interesting stuff, but it does so in such a boring fashion. (Literalists: Next time you see that God guy, tell Him He needs to take a writing class. ;))

Personally, I see suffering as one of those things that are so fundamentally bad that I have trouble reconciling it with an infinitely powerful, wise, and benevolent Creator.


LISA: Mom, it's not that I don't still believe in God. I just want to find my own way to worship Him. Or Her.
MARGE: "Her"?! She doesn't mean that, Mr. Lord!
- "The Simpsons"

[tiny ham]

This thread is actually making me more confused and saddened than I was earlier, so in the famous words of His4Ever, I think I'll bow out.

It's been occuring to me more and more lately that God DOESN'T care if I'm happy or successful or not, and believe me, it's leading to a black hole of despair. If I don't have hope for a future, I'm not sure what the hell hope I have.

For the record Stoid, I DO do what's put in front of me. I don't just sit around and weep all day for my lack of joy. I'm looking for direction. In my religious belief, (which you do not share I don't think, correct me if I'm wrong) I've been told that when looking for guidance and direction and ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS we are to pray to God.

I've done that. And I'm no better off.

It's a scary position for a Christian to be in.

[pepperlandgirl]

It's been occuring to me more and more lately that God DOESN'T care if I'm happy or successful or not, and believe me, it's leading to a black hole of despair. If I don't have hope for a future, I'm not sure what the hell hope I have.

I'm asking this on the off chance you want to have a genuine discussion about faith.

Why does it bother you so much? God doesn't give a flying fuck about me, and I'm cool with it. Why do you need God to have something to look forward to? Is it really so frightening to live your own life and be fully responsible for all the joys and failure? I've been livng like that for a few years now, and it's really not that scary. Sure, I don't have a Higher Being to blame when I'm sad or to seek comfort from, or to demand blessings from when Ineed something, but that's OK. I'm strong enough to do it on my own.
Why can't you be? I think you are. I think you are strong enough to find your own answers, to live your own life, rely on your own strength, take the blame for your own failures.
Maybe you are asking the wrong question. Maybe your question should be "Why should I depend on God for any of this?" What's wrong your with your brain and heart?

[Stoid]

Preach it, pgirl.

[Stoid]

In all seriousness, jarbaby, pepperlandgirl is saying something really important and meaningful.

I respect that you are a Christian and this is important to you. However, your angst is precisely the sad result of relying so heavily on a power outside yourself. "Wait, I was promised all this stuff if I just had faith...well, I've got faith and nothing's working out and I'm asking questions and I'm not getting answers and now my faith and understanding are shaken and I feel lost and despairing and whatthefuckamIgonnadonowifGodisnt'gonnamakeitallok?"

My own spiritual quest began in my early teens, and I learned the most wonderful thing: I am in control of my life. Not necessarily every single thing that could happen (such as fertility), but most things. And those things I could not control directly, I certainly could control how I responded. And that simple reality set me free. It released me from fear, because it meant I was NOT at the mercy of God or the Fates, or random winds that blow, leaving me wondering what trash heap I'd end up on next. Or if I do, I know I have all the power necessary to drag me off of it. I am free from blame, which means I'm not a victim. I'm free to make my own decisions and choices, I'm free to fuck up and I'm free to fix it. I'm free to love my life and I'm free to hate it. I'm free. And I can't imagine wanting it any other way.

Christ may very well have died for your sins, but I feel pretty sure that even if he did, neither he or his father ever meant for you to expect answers to your questions about whether you are supposed to go on being a secretary or not. Remember "free will"?

I think if God exists, he's more of a Big Picture guy. (The devil is in the details, eh?) You think that your fertility or lack of it, and your crap little job are major issues, I really don't think God would see it that way. God gave you the basics, a good brain, a big heart, a healthy body, some talent. Now he's done. Do with it what you will, and stop worrying about His Big Plan. Chances are he hasn't really got one, at least not the one you wish he had and would fill you in on.

Take charge. Taking full responsibility for your life may be a little frightening to begin with, but in the end you will find it extremely empowering.

[amarinth]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
It's been occuring to me more and more lately that God DOESN'T care if I'm happy or successful or not, and believe me, it's leading to a black hole of despair. If I don't have hope for a future, I'm not sure what the hell hope I have.It could also be that being omniscient and all, God not only does care (there is something somewhere that says that if it is of concern to you then it is of concern to Him), but He also has a better idea of what will ultimately bring you happiness than you do.

[sbic56]

Good answer for those who believe, amarinth...I like it.

[TerryW]

Maybe you have the wrong idea about this "great big plan"...

I'm thirty years old now, and I'm just a bit curious. When does this big exciting plan come into play? When do I get to realize, "Oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, this is where I'm supposed to be!"

God's plan for you isn't worldly success... do you think God cares if you are in an acting career? Do you think He cares if you have a nice new car, or a wad of cash in your wallet? No.

The plan concerns your SOUL. You are looking in the wrong place for happiness, obviously. I'm gonna be a garbageman or a janitor... even though I have plenty enough skill to become an artist or director. Does it bother me? Why should it? I don't care about fitting into trends, or climbing the social ladder... and I'm happier than most people I see and talk to. The higher you climb the ladder, the further you will fall.

I suggest reading the Bible for yourself, and being content with a humble, honest lifestyle.

The worst thing that can happen down here is that you suffer for 60 long years... and die a shitty death... big deal. Compare that to an eternity of hell, and you'll see that you really don't have it that bad down here.

[Badtz Maru]

Wow, what a coincedence. God spoke to me last night in a vision, he said 'Marry jarbabyj from the SDMB, be fruitful and multiply.' I thought it was a flashback or something like that, but maybe there was something to it.

If you are interested, email me at deke_weasleteats@hotmail.com.

[Badtz Maru]

Damn, God is just throwing all kinds of false information around, isn't he? :smack:

[kniz]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
2. Like I said above, I'm not asking for THINGS so much as knowledge or guidance. For example, if I am not able to have a baby I want that to be made clear to me.
Like I said in my earlier post going to the doctor is a good first step that you are taking. You don't need God parting the waters to find the answer to this question.

As to why God doesn't reveal his plan for you or for me, etc. Can you imagine the mess that would create? Some people would be constantly bitching about their plan. Others would get busy and try and bargin with God: "I'll trade that trip to Europe for not having prostrate cancer." Still others would try nosing around to find out what other people's plans are and then try to profit from such knowledge: "Give me $3,000 and I won't tell the insurance company your house is going to burn down, next February." Someone would ultimately start elifeplan.com where you could trade plans with others. My point being that we could not handle even a peek at such a plan, so it is fruitless to even consider such a request.

One reason that Joseph Campbell (http://www.dailycelebrations.com/032600.htm) is my favorite writer is that he says myth (religion) helps you
with deal with the most important goal in life, which is "a joyful participation in the sorrows of the world." He also says something else that has to do with your OP and that is that everyone should "follow their own bliss". That means if you are not happy with what you are doing then you will have a life of ups and downs. Think of it as being on a wheel, if you are somewhere on the radius you will go up one time and down the next, but if you are at the center then you are stable while everything revolves around you. That is your bliss and to find it you look inward to your center, not depending on others to tell you what it is or how to find it. This is the message of not one myth, but from all myths*.

*I hope my paraphrasing has been true enough to do some justice to his writings

[tiny ham]

1. I have been to the doctor. She said there's absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be pregnant within a year.

2. I guess my question was what Stoid asked me earlier. If my life is so wonderful and filled with "an embarrassment of riches" why am I not happy? Because I feel there's something more. I don't want to be an actress or a writer for the glory and fame, I want to use the talents that God gave me.

3. I don't just sit around on my ass. I have been working at these things for years and years.

4. I don't plan on giving up my faith in God as some have suggested. I do have faith in my own strengths, but thus far, relying on those has gotten me nowhere. So I guess I'm going to follow my friend Geoff's advice and leave myself open for the possibilities that God provides me, but to quit actively hoping for what those may be.

[sbic56]

I really never thought you were sitting around on your arse, as you say. You've been working hard at acting/writing which are also hobbies, like music. How many of the best musicians actually make it anywhere with out a good agent and the right timing, etc. Odds are you will never make it big in your desired "field", as it really is such a crapshoot to do so. I also don't see where anyone suggested you should "give up" on your god. It's obvious that your faith is beneficial to you. I think it's good that you are going to use that faith in a little more realistic of a fasion. Lastly, I bet you'll be happiest if you do follow your friends advice. He sounds pretty wise to me.

[RickJay]

I hate to ask this question, Jar, but since you haven't specifically said so... has your HUSBAND been to a doctor? Even if you're fertile, he needs to be virile or it don't work. I hope you aren't assuming the problem lies with you if he hasn't been checked out as well.

[tiny ham]

Doctor says no checking of anything, male or female, unntil we're unsuccessful for a year. Three months to go.

[RickJay]

You have a remarkably uncooperative doctor. That's your first problem. Perhaps you should find a new one.

I mean, there's one problem you can solve in the meantime.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

No, IMHO jarb's doc has it right (barring other facts unknown to me). To evaluate a problem, first establish that there is a problem. Not getting pregnant on the first try does not equal infertility. And trying for a year before succeeding frankly is well within the range of normal. Why begin painful, invasive, or at least expensive tests until there's a necessity for it. Many insurance companies won't cover infertility workups at all, but most of those which do stipulate that testing be done only after a year of documented trying has passed. So bring those videotapes of your efforts to conceive in with you to your doc, Jarbaby! :D

QtM, MD

[Triskadecamus]

Jarbabyj

You lay a heavy burden upon me. I am not a scholar, nor an authority on Christian Doctrine. But I am a much loved child of God, and I cannot ignore you, when you cry out that God has forgotten you.

So, here are my thoughts, we will get to my prayers, later.

God's Plan: A few billion years ago, God began a great work. He flung out galaxies into a vastness you and I cannot perceive, or even imagine. He sent out into that vast whirling mass of suns at least one planet upon which He brought forth trillions of living beings, at least one type of which is able to perceive its own mind, and apprehend the possibility of a spirit whose existence reaches beyond simple matter, space, and time. And to those beings He gave a spark of His own divine will. And then He joined these beings upon that planet, for a lifetime, and lived and died as one of them, to show to them His love.

Now, you have to ask yourself why? I know I ask that, now and then. Because I see a lot of His beloved children suffering. And I have heard of much suffering so far beyond my own experience that I silence my cries, out of wretched awe at the scope of evil. But I know that the Lord does love us, each and all. So, why?

I don't have an answer. But consider this: The reason for our being lies beyond this world, these few moments, and our transient glories, and failures. The answer lies in the unexpressable vistas of eternity. And for some reason, God, who flung out the universe of Galaxies, suns, worlds, and eons beyond our count, The Almighty God of Creation decided He wants us there with Him for the next big deal after the Universe. And evidently Angels won't do. He wanted us, mere mortals, the trudging motes only lately come up from the mud.

No, I have no idea what He has planned. But I bet it's going to be really cool.

The prayer:

Come along, please. Along the way, we can love each other, to make the passage through this small vale of tears more bearable. I think that's most of what we have to do for Him, right now, by the way, is just hang on to each other, and try to make the suffering less, and the joy more.

Tris
-----------------------
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao-Tzu ~

[ReBusEniGma]

Jar, throughout I have heard you asking for knowledge and clarity as to your future. That's the plight of the human race. NO ONE on this earth knows the details of what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day etc..

...Like I said above, I'm not asking for THINGS so much as knowledge or guidance. For example, if I am not able to have a baby I want that to be made clear to me.

The things you are are good at: acting, writing, greatly desiring children, I have no doubt this is your hearts desire... but don't forget for a moment that the fusion of these giftings may not be what is best for you; and God may know that.

I happen to know a little about this...let me get extrapolative for a moment. My strength is music. Since the age of 9 I have been what some called a prodigy...my obvious talent was singing, playing, writing music (at first it was only chord notation because I couldn't even read music at first), lyrics and arrangement, playing in front of audiences...this I was doing within 1 year of starting. My goal as I grew up was to be famous. As God (or fate as some would call it) would have it, I married the love of my life, and I continued to pursue my career...it taking me further and further into the business and away from her. All she wanted was a loving husband and a family. After some years of this, things began to deteriorate...we began to drift apart. I became restless. I was getting better, making fantastic money in the business and performing with some big names...then came the moment; the big deal, the sure thing, the break I had looked for all my life, and came with it an epiphany I had least expected. All the while I had been focusing on my wants and my desires that I suddenly noticed I had lost everything that I knew would stand the test of time: A wife and family who adored me and would be with me forever or ungodly amounts of money and fame? I was hurting the ones I loved most in the process. What was really important in life? I chose to invest my life in my first priority: My wife. Anyone who has been in that position will understand how hard it is to die to a vision, that is engraved into the very fabric of your soul, what for me seemed indefinitely.

Now? It turned out differently than I could have ever imagined: I too have a day job, but I'm more fulfilled now than ever...I still compose, write, record, teach; at home...with my wife bless her, who had the grace and fortitude to take me back...and five beautiful, loyal fans God has given us...who *wouldn't* be there today had I pursued my own version of my dream. That's the nutshell jar... I hope it has helped even a little.

Life isn't about knowing what's going to happen, it's about making the most out the moment...right now, and being happy with what it brings.

Be faithful in the little things jar, and He will give you responsibility over much.

Run the race, fight to the finish, don't give up :)

~eNiGma