Would You Eat a Hippopotamus Sandwich? (a poll)

[Rue DeDay]

That's it, that's the question. No Bait-and-Switch, no misleading come-ons.

Would you eat a hippopotamus sandwich?

And since SOME people can't even answer a simple hypothetical question without a lot of background information:

You're at a restaurant of good repute and you see on the menu "Hippopotamus sandwich: $2.00". It's good, lean hippopotamus, with none of the gristle that can mar a hippopotamus sandwich. Your choice of toppings. It's farm raised so as not to disturb the delicate balance of the hippopotamus in the wild. It's adult hippopotamus, not "hippo veal". "Hippo veal" is just cruel, no matter how tender it is. You get you choice of two sides from: house salad, rice pilaf, seasonal vegetables, soup of the day, French fries and onion rings. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it and then you can get something else at no extra cost. I think that should just cover it.

Since you're here already, and you've taken the time to read all of this, you really should just answer. It's a simple "yes" or "no" question. If you use a "y" or an "n" in the reply box below, you're only adding, what? One keystroke over just backing out of the thread? Even though I would never have any idea who you are, if you were to just close out this without responding I'd think less of you. You've been warned.

My response:
Yes, yes I would.

The Little Woman's response:
Why would I want to eat a hippopotamus sandwich? Isn't there anything else on the menu?


-Rue.

[Tir Tinuviel]

Yep.
:)

[Mangetout]

It might be a little too large a portion even for my substantial appetite; are we allowed to share it between two?

[Celyn]

Yes, very probably, out of interest and novelty unless I was in one my my vegetarian phases.

(Just re-read that - and though"Hell, howabout that for sitting on the fence - I ought to join the Liberal Democrats)

:)

<Hungry now>

[Go alien]

Yes. But then I've eaten kangaroo, guinea pig and sea cucumber too, so I guess you could say that if it moves, I'll eat it.

[Meatros]

Yes I would...But then again, I've also eaten insects...

[grimpixie]

Yes - if only to add it to the list of "exotic" meats tried - cosisting so far of ostrich, crocodile and goat.

[AbsolutelyStark]

Yes.

[Ice Wolf]

I've had ostrich burger before now -- count me in as a starter.

[welby]

Yep.

Can I get double onion rings though?

[MrO]

Sure, for the reason grimpixie mentioned. Well-done and hold the mayo, please. My list includes rattlesnake, snapping turtle, whale, horse, dog, silkworm larvae, and assorted sea monsters. Can't honestly say I liked most of them, and some were a bit disgusting, but hey, ya gotta eat. And I do like to try new things.

[Shark]

mmmmm.....Hippo sandwich.

You bet. Can I get a glass of dolphin milk to wash it down?

Do I get a choice of how the hippo is prepared? Grilled, blackened, breaded and fried? Who cares, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Shark

[Kn*ckers]

Yes, me too. On whole wheat, with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and a little mayo. For sides, I'll have the salad and soup du jour.

Wow, no one has said no, yet? No vegetarians here?

Love, Kn*ckers

P.S.: Is Rue the funniest guy on earth? Because I'm getting that impression.

[In Conceivable]

Yes. I would prefer mine blackened and on a kiser roll with mayo please.

[carnivorousplant]

Maybe.
Do they have split hooves?

[Winston Smith]

Originally posted by Rue DeDay
That's it, that's the question. No Bait-and-Switch, no misleading come-ons.

Would you eat a hippopotamus sandwich?
Even though I would never have any idea who you are, if you were to just close out this without responding I'd think less of you. You've been warned.
-Rue.

:Winston beckons Rue:

"Yes. I'll have the Hippo Sandwich with Fries. And, what's the Soup Du Jour?"

Rue That's the soup of the day.

"Mmmmm. Sounds delicious. I'll take it."

[Bjorn240]

Yeah, I'll eat a hippo.

I will not however, fight one bare-handed in a cage-match, as that thread from a week ago discussed. Especially not in a water-filled cage.

Most dangerous animal in sub-Saharan Africa (presumably ignoring mosquitoes)...

- Bjorn240

[Happy Lendervedder]

n

[AHunter3]

Absolutely.

And since SOME people can't even answer a simple hypothetical question without a lot of background information:


(I'm assuming I don't have to finish the whole hippo or anything, just a half-dozen slices on a sandwich, right? And it IS cooked? I'm not ready for hippo tartare or anything...)

[Mooch]

Hell yes, I'd eat it!

As far as food goes, I'll try anything twice. Even if I hate it the first time.

Thus the haggis incident and sometimes nickname "Puke-a-hontas"

[IcicleFuzz]

Yes. In fact, just thinking about eating a hippo sandwich has made me hungry. I think I'll go find something to eat.

[AHunter3]

Mr. O:
My list includes rattlesnake, snapping turtle, whale, horse, dog, silkworm larvae, and assorted sea monsters.

I'm in grimpixie's league but Mr O has got me beat. I've had squirrel, rabbit, goat, ostrich, alligator, deer, pigeon, grouse, and assorted fresh-water monsters.

Despite being from the south, I've never had any 'possum, how'd that happen?

[TheKnightWhoSaysNi!]

Brings a whole different take on the song "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas".

Sure but only if it's pygmy hippo, any larger and they get really tough.

[Tupug Anachi]

Prolly...I hear they taste like chicken. :D

[Kn*ckers]

Originally posted by carnivorousplant
Maybe.
Do they have split hooves?

Hippos have four-toed hooves. Cite (http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Canopy/2330/hippo.html)

[Fenris]

Originally posted by grimpixie
Yes - if only to add it to the list of "exotic" meats tried - cosisting so far of ostrich, crocodile and goat.

Ditto for exactly the same reason.

Fenris

[astro]

Cue Aaron Copeland music -

"Potamus! It's what's for dinner!"

[Mangetout]

Oh OK then; I'll give it a try (with the salad please).

If it's any good, I'll be back tomorrow to try the walrus on toast.

[smam]

I'll take two please, easy on the giblets though.
Its gotta taste like bacon I'm thinking.
actually stick some bacon in with it as well, and some tail, if theres any going.

[MissBHaven]

y :D

[Mooch]

Mangetout, is the walrus on toast anything like that weird "chipped beef on toast" they sell in the frozen section?

Funky looking stuff, that.

[Rue DeDay]

I'm sorry to say, hippopptamus is not Kosher.

So feel free to add cheese. (10¢)

Mangetout, I was going to put you down as a "yes" merely from your name. I'm glad you came back and said "yes" on your own though. It makes things more fair.

[Fretful Porpentine]

Sure, why not?

[IGJoe]

I would try a hippo sandwich without even thinking twice about it. Can't promise I'd eat it though.

[FairyChatMom]

Yeah, I'd give it a try. This is your treat, tho, right?

[bdgr]

Aboslutely....BTW, how is Hippo not Kosher?

[nashiitashii]

The creepy part about all this is the fact that it sounds tasty. I wonder if any restaurants do sell hippopotamus sandwiches/burgers...
It's gotta be better than sheep's heads. Those things never stop smiling at ya. It's a little unnerving.

[Mangetout]

Originally posted by Mooch
Mangetout, is the walrus on toast anything like that weird "chipped beef on toast" they sell in the frozen section?

Funky looking stuff, that. I don't think so; I'd be pretty disappointed if there was less than half a roast walrus on my plate.

[pendgwen]

Yes. I like to try "weird" foods.

[rundogrun]

All depends...

Mayo or Miracle Whip?

[stuyguy]

Hippos are mean bastards, right? Sure, I'd eat one. If nothing else it might make them think twice before they twirl their dung at me or try to stomp me into so much people goo. I once had lion and alligator and rattlesnake at a local restaurant during "exotic game week," and ever since then none of those meanies have tried to attack me. Be proactive, I say.

[Rue DeDay]

Originally posted by bdgr
Aboslutely....BTW, how is Hippo not Kosher?

It's in the Bible (Old Testament. Torah?) along with the "unclean animals (http://www.auracom.com/~gmilroy/animals2.htm#2)". Not being real smart religion-wise I just figured that meant "not Kosher".

I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again. If hippopotamous IS Kosher, then skip the cheese.


-Rue. (non dietary restricted)

[Kn*ckers]

And now, my best guess as to what hippo tastes like: probably something like horse, since they're both perissodactyl ungulates. Now, if only I knew what horse tasted like!

Dogfood, I guess...

Kn(getting uncomfortably peckish from this thread)ckers

[ultrafilter]

Sure, I'd give it a try.

[zev_steinhardt]

Shel Silverstein already gave us a recipie (http://www.alphabet-soup.net/dir6/shel.html) for a hippopotamus sandwich.

My answer (kashrus issues aside) is no. The hippo is my animal.

My wife is crazy about bears. My mother loves elephants. My best friend has a thing for penguins. My wife's best friend loves dragons. So, I figured, I needed to pick an animal for myself. And, because I have a perverse sense of humor, I chose what I thought to me the most unlikely animal to be loved. Besides, considering that I was very overweight at the time, a hippo kind of reminded me of myself anyway. So, the hippo it was.

The end result is that on the desk that I am typing this from, I have about a dozen hippos. At home I have about ninety more. :)

Zev Steinhardt

[Judith Prietht]

With hippopotamus sandwiches going for a mere $2, plus a choice of two sides, I think I can splurge and say yes, I would absolutely eat one. What about a hippopotamus steak, though, since this thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=148460) got my salivary glands all riled up?

[Amp]

Y

[Ukulele Ike]

"Please, O great Ngai, god of Everything and Everywhere, I would SO much like to live in the rivers and streams," begged Hippo hopefully. "I would still eat grass."

...And now and then he floats to the top and opens his huge mouth ever so wide and says: "Look Ngai! No fishes!"

-- from HOT HIPPO by Mwenye Hadithi and Adrienne Kennaway (1986)


...Nah, I just couldn't do it. I'd be hearing that cute hippopotamus voice in my head with every juicy bite.

[pkbites]

Yes.




:rolleyes:Then again, I'll eat anything if it has enough ketchup on it.

[Alto]

I actually have! Not hippo sandwich though, hippo pate--but surely that's close enough to count. I was in a restaurant famed for 1)being very the most romantic place in town and 2)serving exotic meats. (I don't know how those were supposed to be related.) And they claimed their pate had hippo in it--although I don't know if they were telling the truth. It didn't taste like hippo.

[sycorob]

Get a hunk of hippo, dry-rub with jerk seasoning, grill to perfection, serve with my in-law's secret (I mean secret, won't tell my sister) barbecue sauce, on a poppy-seed bun. Side of cole-slaw and some onion rings.

Dammit, now I'm hungry. I wonder what it tastes like? A cross between fish and horse.

Not so hungry anymore. Still yes, though.

[AskNott]

Yes. I sure would. And I'd eat a Little Debbie for dessert. Now, where'd she go?

[mlerose]

No. Nothing against you or the hippo, Rue, but I don't eat meat, just fish.

Now if you could find a hippo that was actually a fish, then maybe.

[JoeyHemlock]

Sammich? Pfft, wussies. I would eat the 44oz Hippo-Challenge steak (medium rare, with raw horseradish) with the all-you-can-eat potato bar, side salad, and Texas toast; AND I'd eat it in less than 30 minutes so that I got my photo on the wall of fame and the coupon for $10 off my next visit.

And you wanna talk about sammiches?

[JoeyHemlock]

Originally posted by mlerose
Now if you could find a hippo that was actually a fish, then maybe.

You mean the elusive HippoFish of the Serengeti. Very tasty, but deadly if prepared wrong.

[«Ðëëp¤F®ïêd»™]

Sure!! Make mine a double with cheese extra mayo no pickles!

"two all hippo patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun!"

The new McHippo Value Meal.....would you like to super-size that?

[imthjckaz]

I would.


But I think it would be cannibilism.

[Francesca]

And now, my best guess as to what hippo tastes like: probably something like horse, since they're both perissodactyl ungulates. Now, if only I knew what horse tasted like!

"Hippo" means "horse". "Potamos" means "river. A hippopotamus is a river-horse. So hippopotatumuses would taste like horses AND rivers. Kinda slimy.

And yes, I would eat a hippo sandwich.

[JoeyHemlock]

Why do I get the feeling that Rue just came into a large supply of hippo meat and that in about 2 hours we're going to be reading about the benefits of joining his Amway-like (Amwayesque?) scheme to sell these things?

[Cheesesteak]

I'll go for it, heck, I ate jellyfish salad and didn't die or anything so hippo should be A-OK

[Colibri]

Originally posted by Mirrored Indigo Shadows
The creepy part about all this is the fact that it sounds tasty. I wonder if any restaurants do sell hippopotamus sandwiches/burgers...

I would have thought the Carnivore Restaurant (http://www.tamarind.co.ke/docs/carnimenu.htm) in Nairobi would have had it on the menu, but they don't seem to offer it. I tried to go to the Carnivore the last time I was in Kenya, but I couldn't get a reservation.

To answer the OP: certainly. I've had kangaroo, whale (many years ago), kudu, peccary, alligator, turtle, guinea pig, muskrat, squirrel, Polynesian rat, paca, curassow, guan, grasshoppers, caterpillars, sea urchins, and jellyfish. Hippo's got to be a lot better than a lot of those.

Joke:

A man goes to a restaurant that makes the claim: "We serve anything! If we can't serve you what you order, we'll pay you $100!"

The man says to the waiter: "I want an elephant ear sandwich on a Kaiser roll!"

The waiter goes away, and comes back after 15 minutes. He says, "I'm sorry, we can't fill your order. You win the $100."

He says, "Aha! I knew you'ld never have elephant ears!"

The waiter says, "Oh, no! We have the elephant ears, we're just out of those really big Kaiser rolls."

[jlsmith57]

No.

[MaxTheVool]

Yes. As long as it wasn't the one from the Flanders and Swann song who will gambol no more on the banks of the Nile, which Nasser is flooding next spring.

[Nurobath]

Sure, I'll have mine with cheese and soup 'n' salad, please.

Kn*ckers Horse tastes a bit like really lean beef, but different. Pretty good actually.

I've also had jellyfish, wild boar, and sea urchin. Hippo sounds pretty tasty.

How busy is this place? I'm getting hungry

[Erika]

No.

[mkl12]

Yes, definitely. And all those exotic animals made my mouth water.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm... HIPPO!

[scout1222]

Sorry, but no. I'm just not adventurous like that.

[Beardedcrow]

Mmmmm, hippo on rye, toasted,
Oh, yeah!

[BurglarGenie]

Eat one (or at lest try it): yes.

Pay for one: no.

[Shade]

I'm vegetarian, so no. But if I wasn't, I'm sure I would.

I'm curious, those who wouldn't,

why not? Does Hippo taste bad? Is the idea icky?

(like I wouldn't eat a mosquito, perhaps, even if I wasn't vege.)

[Lissla Lissar]

The hippo is my animal.

I'm with zev. If I did, my two stuffed hippos (one of 'em's named Augusta! Get it? No...) would glare at me for the rest of my life.

Someone else know the Hippopotamus Song! "Mud, mud, glorious mud!"

[HerMajestyLorna]

Nope. I'm not a meat eater.

And besides, they're so cute!

[Bottle of Smoke]

Damn right I would.

If a hippo got the chance it would eat you and everyone you care about.

[Rhum Runner]

Y

[betenoir]

As I work here http://HIPPOPRESS.com it comes dangerously close to cannibalisim, but sure, why not?

[bee with an itch]

BLEH

nope.

[Jayrot]

Yeah I'd try it.

[Jayrot]

By the way, it looks like you've got nearly 10 times the number of views than replies. Maybe a lot of people just "backed out of the thread".......

[Qwisp]

Yep, for two bucks I'd give it a try.

[The_Peyote_Coyote]

Yes, I'd try one once. I don't expect I'd like it, though.

[foolsguinea]

Maybe, maybe not. Depends on whether you catch me in my Christian, Jewish, or Animist personality that day.... :D

[SpoilerVirgin]

Yes. I'll have the rice pilaf and the soup du jour, and an iced tea, please.

[peri]

Oh, yes!

[leroy_the_mule]

No. If this kind of thing got really popular, demand might outstrip the supply of farm-raised hippos, and the restaurant might start buying wild hippo meat just to keep their customers happy. Or maybe also they will start capturing wild hippos as breeding stock for the hippo farm.

So there!

[LtningBug]

mmm, yum. put me down as yes.

[Tony Montana]

mmmmmmmmm hippo..yep..

[elfkin477]

No, I wouldn't eat one.

Hippos kill more people than just about any other animal alive, so odds are a few people are going to die trying to catch the hippos for the sandwiches if the trend catches on to make for widescale sales in hippo meat. I've thought about it, and even if they were farm raised instead of wild, they'd still need lots of water and still pose a threat to the people killing them. Sure, hippos are supposed to be vegetarians, but they bite people. Who's to say that my hippo burger might not have a few people bits in it for good measure? Saying 'No' to hippo sandwiches is saying 'no' to accidental cannibalism.

[Dragon Phoenix]

Sure.

Add that to meat/fish/whatever like horse, donkey, wild boar, bear, sea cucumber, jellyfish, snapping turtle, tortoise, crocodile, kangaroo ....

Actually, I loved the donkey...

[Sublight]

Yes, but only if it was well cleaned and well cooked. They're not very hygenic animals.

I've eaten horse and I've eaten whale. If hippo is somewhere between the two, then it probably tastes pretty good.

[calm kiwi]

No ....I can't shake the vision of that helicopter rotor like tail flinging green poo through the air. I like my food to poo neatly.

[Derleth]

yes

[Derleth]

Originally posted by Lissla Lissar
I'm with zev. If I did, my two stuffed hippos (one of 'em's named Augusta! Get it? No...) would glare at me for the rest of my life.

Someone else know the Hippopotamus Song! "Mud, mud, glorious mud!" http://www.poppyfields.net/poppy/songs/hippopotamus.html
Mud, mud, glorious mud
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood
So follow me follow, down to the hollow
And there let me wallow in glorious mud

[Derleth]

Why didn't that URLify?

http://www.poppyfields.net/poppy/songs/hippopotamus.html

[Lissla Lissar]

Do you know the hippo encore?

"The amourous hippopotamus, whose love song we know,
Is now married and father of ten.
He murmurs, "God rot 'em" as he watches them grow,
And he longs to be single again!...

[Freyr]

A hippo sandwich, no.

Now a hippo steak is another thing! Eight oz. of hippo meat, cooked medium rare with a baked potato and a side salad. *YUM*

[Politzania]

"I want some hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a medium rare one will do....."


* the stuffed hippo I had for many, many years.

[bluecanary]

Yeah, especially if it's only 2 dollars!

[photopat]

Sure, make it medium rare please.

[Bad News Baboon]

no, I saw the health department write up on this restaurant.

you people are brave souls to eat there.

[thinksnow]

Yes. I mean, how many chances are you going to get? It might just be fantastic eatin'!

[susan_foster]

Depends on my mood - I have no aversion to eating unusual meats - the only reason I haven't eaten anything beyond the usual suspects is that I usually don't frequent restaurants that serve the unique. So, if by chance I stumble on a restaurant that serves hippo, it's probably a once in a lifetime chance, so odds are yes.

Susan

[Kalashnikov]

Sure, why not?

I ate bison last night. It was delicious (although for all I could tell, it might just have been overpriced beef).

[Annie-Xmas]

vegetarian NO

[Bryan Ekers]

Yes, but only if the hippo isn't from England, so I don't catch Mad Hippo Disease.

[Purd Werfect]

I've eaten snails. Hippo would be easy by comparison.

[Maxxxie]

Yes, with the house salad and french fries.


mmmmm. hippo. *droooool*

Max :)

[Czarcasm]

Ordered a hippo sandwich once.
Tasty.
The doggy bag was a real bitch to get home, though.

[dwyr]

Yes.

<insert witty comment here>

[GaryM]

Sure, why not!

[Dr_Paprika]

Am I the only one who remembers the Zoodles commercial that used to run every twelve minutes in Canada?

Ahem.

Have you ever gone hunting wioth a bowl and spoon?
While you can!! With Libby's Zoodles.
Elephants! Lions! Zebras! Giraffes!
Zoodles are animal noodles.
So c'mon tell all your friends!
Tell the whole bunch
I just had a hippopotamus for lunch!

So it seems that once again I have beaten you to the punch, eaten you to the lunch and cheaten you from your hunch.

[Tony Montana]

As long as no dolphins were killed in the process of capturing said hippo. Oh and it would have to be a free-range hippo,they tast the best I hear by the by...

[Burnt Sugar]

No. It would be a waste of money if I didn't like it, and I'd have to spend more to buy something else. I'm sure there would be something on the menu I would like. I would if it was free.

I thought about it, and that is the truth. It's nothing to do with tasting a new and weird food or anything!

(I'm a uni student, I'm allowed to be stingy! :P)

[MadScientistMatt]

Yes.

I don't know if it would turn out quite as well as the ostrich burger I always order when I go to one particular burger joint, but I'd definitely be curious.

[Pammipoo]

Are hippos endangered species?

Is it fried, or baked, or grilled?

Does it come with french fries?

Assuming hippos aren't on the Top 10 list, I'd prolyl give it a whirl.

[jack@ss]

Yep.

Whenever I see a hippo at the zoo or on TV, I always wonder if they taste like pork. I bet they do. They have the same kinda foot. So I would rather have a hippo burrito, but for $2.00, I'll give the sandwich a shot.

Oooooh, a hippo Reuben! Now that sounds good!.

[Pablito]

I'd like to say yes because I enjoy lots of strange, exotic foods and have tried many weird ones. But have you ever smelled a hippo at the zoo? In a semi-enclosed space? If not, then you may not be aware that it's just about the most foul, noxious odor that can be produced without causing anyone's immediate death. It's probably been 25 years since I visited the hippos at the Houston Zoo, but if I think about it for more than a moment, that horrific smell still comes back to smite me in the limbic portion of my brain. I cower, I quiver, I quake at the thought of having to bring that very odor to my gullet and then--through the process of digestion (or, at least, ingestion) to become one with it.

So, no, I do not like hippo sandwich. I will not eat it with a goat, in a boat, in the rain, on a train, I will not eat it here or there, I will not eat it anywhere. I do not like it, SamIam.

[Mockingbird]

Yup.

[danceswithcats]

Sure!

But now, I must ponder what wine goes well with hippo?
;)

[Jorel]

I would like a hippowich (with onion rings please)

[Volta]

another y

[dwyr]

Originally posted by danceswithcats
Sure!

But now, I must ponder what wine goes well with hippo?
;)



Hippocras I would imagine.



;)

[Flowerchild]

Hmmmmm...

Yes, with Ketchup and cheese. Double Fries

[peppiann]

sure