Mother, what have I to do with thee?

[Blalron]

A couple of years ago my mother sold a domain name she had for $35,000. She had a part time job teaching psychology at the time, and she decided to quit that job and move to the other side of the country with her boyfriend (now husband). Well, since they didn't have any teaching positions in Pennsylvania, she lived off of that money for a year until the funds ran dry. She and her husband are employed now, but when I think about....

ARGH! YOU WASTED THIRTY FIVE GRAND! You could have invested it! For example, if she had invested it in the RJ Reynolds Tobacco company, you'd be getting a handsome quarterly dividend that you could almost live off of! I'm no money expert, but I figure that since it's got a 9.37 percent yield, she'd be getting $3, 279 every quarter, and $13,118 every year*! If you kept your teaching position in Oregon, you'd be living high off the hog! WTF?

*footnote: I'm not sure if that's accurate, but what the hell, she still could have put the money to better use, even if my hypothetical scenerio about living high off the hog from Big Tobacco doesn't hold true.

[grendel72]

The money was hers to do with as she pleased. What the fuck are you pissed off for, has she asked you to give her money now?

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Didn't she consult you first?

[Blalron]

The money was hers to do with as she pleased.

I realize this. But when I think about what she could have done with those funds, it seems like such a waste of opportunity.

What the fuck are you pissed off for, has she asked you to give her money now?

Just a spur of the moment rambling, probably baseless if I examine all aspects of the situation.

No, she's doing all right now. She's going to quit her counseling job to start teaching again.

I'm just saying her money could have gone a lot further than she used it for, and she could have used it to provide for my little brother and sister better or whatever.

[Tapioca Dextrin]

Every time my mother gets a paycheck, I always take 10% off the top. Is this wrong?

Oh, and I always get my dad to invest in companies that gives cancer to kids - 'cause they care.

Grow up!

[Blalron]

Didn't she consult you first?

Consult me? I didn't ask her to move away with some high school drop out who is 10 years younger than her. In the words of the Time Cube guy, she is Educated Stupid.

[Miller]

Good for your mom. Frivolous spending is the best spending.

[grendel72]

I didn't mean for my first response to sound as harsh as it did.
I am happy for your mother getting a chance to have some fun with her money while she's still young enough to enjoy it, though. I wish I could afford to do the same thing.

[Blalron]

Originally posted by Tapioca Dextrin
Every time my mother gets a paycheck, I always take 10% off the top. Is this wrong?

Oh, and I always get my dad to invest in companies that gives cancer to kids - 'cause they care.

Grow up!

Oh pish tosh, I'm going to college next year, and I need MONEY to pay for it. She is less able to provide money than she could have. Yeah I'm greedy because I don't want to slave away flipping dead cow parts full time to pay for tuition. Any more questions?

My dad pissed away the money from his business even more foolishly. But that's another rant.

[astro]

Originally posted by Blalron
Oh pish tosh, I'm going to college next year, and I need MONEY to pay for it. She is less able to provide money than she could have. Yeah I'm greedy because I don't want to slave away flipping dead cow parts full time to pay for tuition. Any more questions?

My dad pissed away the money from his business even more foolishly. But that's another rant.

{{{{{{{{Ohhh... you poor, poor thing.}}}}}}}}}

[Jurhael]

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who doesn't really sympathize. Or empathize.


"Oh pish tosh, I'm going to college next year, and I need MONEY to pay for it."


Can you go on a grant? Scholarship? How about student loans?

[Bricker]

Originally posted by Blalron
Oh pish tosh, I'm going to college next year, and I need MONEY to pay for it. She is less able to provide money than she could have. Yeah I'm greedy because I don't want to slave away flipping dead cow parts full time to pay for tuition. Any more questions?

My dad pissed away the money from his business even more foolishly. But that's another rant.

Your mom has exactly zero obligation to spend money educating you once you turned eighteen. She is absolutely entitled to withdraw it in cash, take it out to the back porch, and set it on fire if she pleases. She took a year's vacation with her windfall. HER WINDFALL. Not yours.

Deal with it. Flip burgers. And then the money you earn will be yours, to do with as YOU please.

- Rick

[Lsura]

Originally posted by Blalron
Oh pish tosh, I'm going to college next year, and I need MONEY to pay for it. She is less able to provide money than she could have. Yeah I'm greedy because I don't want to slave away flipping dead cow parts full time to pay for tuition. Any more questions?

My dad pissed away the money from his business even more foolishly. But that's another rant.


Our parents have no obligation to provide us with a college education. NONE. Awww...poor little fella doesn't want to flip burgers? You know what? It pays the rent, and you can't be picky when it comes to that. Well, you can, but you might end up living in your car.

It was her money, not yours. You have absolutely no say over how she spends it. I have no say over how my parents spend their money, and I don't want any. They can pack up and move to Fiji and I can't say a damn thing about it. It's theirs, that they've worked hard for.

Get over it.

[Blalron]

Our parents have no obligation to provide us with a college education. NONE.

Actually, this is not true. According to the terms of the divorce, she must pay for my college until I am 21 or I get married, whichever comes first, since she was the non-custodial parent.

[Primaflora]

So has she said she won't/can't pay for it?

[Blalron]

Originally posted by Primaflora
So has she said she won't/can't pay for it?

Oh, I'm sure she'll chip in. I'll probably have to go to Community College first.

[China Guy]

Maybe you should take finance at college. She would be getting somewhere around $3,279 per year and not per quarter. You also might want to look up the stock ticker RJR and see what the share price performance was during the past couple of years. Sheesh, kid, money doesn't grow on trees.

Ya, maybe the money could have been put to more productive uses than paying the rent. I'm sure your perspective will change.

[Airman Doors, USAF]

:rolleyes:

Like Community College is a big blow. Do you have any idea how many people can't even read? And you're complaining that you have to get a cheaper education for the first two years? That takes some serious gall.

Dude, I wish I could feel anything but scorn for you, but I paid my dues working like a slave for 7 years before I got my opportunity with the Air Force, so I think you're slime.

Work for a living for one year. Just one. And get some appreciation for how hard it is to get by. Maybe then you'll understand why I think you're an asshole.

[Guinastasia]

I went to community college for two years, fuck nut.

Get over yourself.

[Cheesesteak]

I think it's hilarious that she "wasted" the $35,000 on herself, instead of busting her ass to save it for Blalron's education. I suspect she knew exactly what she was doing.

[Blalron]

I must apologize for even starting this thread.

My arguments have been somewhat illogical, especially the Big Tobacco thing, I pretty much pulled that one out of my ass. The OP was spurred by recent stresses about what I'm going to do with my life. I know I can't blame my parents for all my problems, no matter how easy it is to point the finger at them.

I'll go to community college. Then maybe I can transfer to a real University. Things will work themselves out, I guess. They could have been better, but crying over spilt milk is of no use.

[MsRobyn]

I feel for you, I honestly do, but this is one whine I wouldn't waste good cheese on.

Pull up a chair, because I'm going to tell you a story. My Evil Aunt went to college and law school tuition completely paid for out of her father's pocket. She lived in a huge condo in a great part of Los Angeles, paid for by Daddy. Every nickel in her pocket comes from Mommy (because Daddy died some years ago.)
She drove nothing but luxury cars, and lived so high on the hog that when Daddy died she didn't know how to live on her own. She's got boxes and boxes of expensive things, but she's living on the goodness of my mother's heart.

My story is a bit extreme, but the moral of the story is this. Instead of asking for money, try working for it yourself. Take a year off, find a job and save money for college that way. Apply for whatever student aid you can get; most people have to borrow money and they pull through okay. You'll get the satisfaction of being able to be independent and do things as you want.

Community college isn't that bad. So it's not good 'ol State U., but a lot of people go to community college and they're just as smart and as educated as anyone else out there.

Basically, son, just suck it up and make the most of it, okay?

Robin

[Airman Doors, USAF]

You're lucky my better half is more patient than I am about this. Read what she said. Live it.

[Helen's Eidolon]

Oh come on, you guys. His mother got a tremendous windfall, and she used it for very short-term things. No, he has no right to tell her what to do.

But he is right that that money could have been used more gainfully towards a comfortable life. She could have invested it, put it in her RRSP or, yes, paid for her child's education.

And bemoaning lost opportunities is valid.

[cuauhtemoc]

I agree with LaurAnge.

[Zoe]

The Koran offers a compromise. This little poem is based on scripture:

If of that mortal goods thou art bereft,
And of thy slender store,
two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one and with the dole,
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

[grendel72]

I was raised by a single mother... on a Teacher's salary. She moved from California to Oklahaoma taking a massive pay cut to be with the man she loved. I had to work for everything I've got, and I would never dream of begrudging her her happiness even if it did make my life a little harder.
I am still paying on my student loans, and you expect me to feel sympathy for someone so ungrateful they begrudge their parents any life outside of their children?

[Blalron]

I hope my mom doesn't read this board. :)

I'm kind of reminded of that Eminem song:

"Im sorry momma... I never meant to hurt youuuuu.... I never meant to make you cry..."

[Wikkit]

<geek curiosity="#00ff00">

What domain name?

</geek>

[Wikkit]

Except in the Eminem song, his mother was trying to get money out of him...

[deborak]

I agree with the sentiment, but not the rationale. If my mom got a $35K windfall, I'd want her to invest in a house or something, to give her a little more security (as it is, she rents, and lives month-to-month, with absolutely nothing to fall back on as she approaches retirement). But I'd want that for HER, not so she could support me. Geez.

Also, I wonder if she knew she wouldn't be able to get another job, and had no choice but to live off of that money. (I've no idea of your mom's intent - maybe she thought she'd take a short "vacation" and then couldn't find a job?)

I've got a little money saved up that I was hoping would go toward a house of my own one daysoon. But I'm also looking at an almost guaranteed downsizing at my job in the next couple of months, and if I have to use my savings to live off of...well, I guess I will.

In other words, you can be upset that a potential opportunity (i.e. a nest egg) was missed, but sometimes the living day-to-day comes first.

[Blalron]

What domain name?

Oddly enough, under terms of the contract the deal was kept pretty secretive (I'm not sure why). So I'm not under liberty to reveal the domain name or who purchased it.

[NicePete]

Mmm, for all you self-reliant/self-righteous folks with your dander up...

While the OP'ers Mom may have no legal obligation to educate her child past the age of 18, as a parent, I believe that I have the moral obligation to provide as much education as my children can reasonably make use of.

I created my children, I love them and I intend to use my assets to help them as much as I possibly can. That won't magically change the day they turn 18. That's the way I was raised -- we help each other in our family. If I have the money and my parents needed it, they'd have it without hesitation.

Was Blalron's Mom legally entitled to blow the money on herself. Of course. Was it the right thing to do? Perhaps not. Hmmm, I just got a rather large windfall. Hmmm, I have a child starting college in a few years... As a responsible parent, I think the thing to do is blow the money on lottery tickets and Cheez Whiz. Riiiiight.

Flame Blalron all you want for being spoiled, but I don't find it completely unreasonable for a child to expect some help for college from a financially able parent.

I hope none of you has ever whined or complained about anything.

[Nightime]

Just do what I'm doing. I'm getting huge loans, and then I'm going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate.

That's a great plan, right? Right!?

[Airman Doors, USAF]

Originally posted by Frankd6
Flame Blalron all you want for being spoiled, but I don't find it completely unreasonable for a child to expect some help for college from a financially able parent.

My mother's sole contribution, and I mean SOLE contribution, to my college finances was a case of soda. Between her and my stepfather they got an extension on the house, a pool, and a new car, all in cash. They make beaucoup ducats, which actually hindered me, because colleges assume your parents will help out for calculating financial aid, and their income killed me in that respect.

I don't begrudge them that. They earned the money, and nobody gave them anything, either. They didn't owe me bupkis. And Blalron isn't entitled to anything, either.

It's COMPLETELY unreasonable to EXPECT help, but if it's offered, then take it by all means.

[keturah]

I honestly do not believe that any adult (ie those over eighteen) deserve anything from their parents. It is great that some, as you, Frankd6, choose to believe that it is MORAL for parents to put children through school, but that is not the only way that one can get a college education. I think that the problem that other posters have with BLARON is that he has said that his education is owed to him--as in, he doesn't want to flip cow parts full time to be educated. Some day BLARON will have to work for his living, and if he wants to do something other than burger flipping he will work for it.

[Helen's Eidolon]

Airman, maybe that's the way it is in your family. My parents feel a lot like Frankd6. I do realize, of course, that I am very lucky to be in such a position, but it's the way all of my family (extended and otherwise) looks at supporting children, and so, for me, it sort of is expected.

[Jurhael]

"Just do what I'm doing. I'm getting huge loans, and then I'm going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate.

That's a great plan, right? Right!?"

No. Bankruptcy isn't as good as it sounds.

"They make beaucoup ducats, which actually hindered me, because colleges assume your parents will help out for calculating financial aid, and their income killed me in that respect."

This just proves that assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. I meant the colleges, btw. Because I think it sounds to me like you COULD have qualified for a grant if it weren't for such an ASSumption.

[carrot]

Originally posted by Nightime
Just do what I'm doing. I'm getting huge loans, and then I'm going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate.

That's a great plan, right? Right!? Even better: graduate, then go to grad school. (They don't collect student loans if you're still a student!) And THEN, after you've spent 20 years of your life going to school, realize you have no money and file for bankruptcy.

Works every time.

[keturah]

Nightime--
Are you seriously going to school on loans knowing that you will not be able to pay them back and will have to declare bankruptcy? Why, pray tell, would you incur these debts knowing your skills are not marketable?

[Manatee]

Originally posted by Nightime
Just do what I'm doing. I'm getting huge loans, and then I'm going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate.

That's a great plan, right? Right!?

No. That loophole has been closed in virtually every loan program. Bankruptcy will not negate your responsibility to repay your loans.

[pepperlandgirl]

Yep, the only way to get out of school loans is to either A)never leave school or B)Die.
I'm actually planning on option A. My master plan is start Grad school immediately, and then after thta get a job at the college I currently attend where they offer tuition remission to employees and employees' families. Then I'm going to start accumulating Masters degrees, as I continue to be more than a half-time student. That way I will be making money, and I'll never have to leave school or pay off my loans, and my continuing education will be free.


As for Blalron, I can sympathize somewhat. Not with the OP, but with the fact that he is stressing over college and what's going to happen inthe future. Hey, I was there not too long ago. I know how sickening it can be. Hang in there, the college tihng will work out. THere are about a million Universities and community colleges out there, and about 100 million scholarships and grants, as well as loans, offered.

[Blalron]

My mom went to college for about 14 years... she accumulated several degrees. I hope to do something like that. I plan on being what's affectionately known as a "professional student"

[irishgirl]

if she's spent the majority of her life studying for degrees, raising kids and working sucky jobs, the lady is entitled to a break.
a year long vaction with my boyfriend is EXACTLY how i'd plan to spend a 35k windfall.

she may be your mother, but that is not the total sum of her being, and fulfilling some personal ambition or desire is a pretty good way to spend money.



get a loan, apply for aid, or, if you actually have what it takes to make it big in acadaemia get a fucking scholarship.

(after a six year medical degree i'll owe 40k to my loan company. i'll have it paid off in 3 years, because i'm going to live on a student budget and work overtime til i do... trust me, 36 hour shifts on A&E are MUCH worse than 8hr shifts at mickey d's )

[reprise]

I wonder what the OP's plans for financing college were before this unexpected windfall...

[Nightime]

No. That loophole has been closed in virtually every loan program. Bankruptcy will not negate your responsibility to repay your loans.

I know. I was joking that I was actually foolish enough to believe that the bankruptcy plan would work.

My actual plan has always been to flee the country after I graduate.

[FisherQueen]

I went to a reasonably expensive private college, and all my parents contributed was love, support, and three dollars a week for laundry if I wrote home regularly. Sure, I had to take out loans, but it never occurred to me that they had any obligation to pay for my education. I figured that responsibilities like that were part of becoming a grown-up.

Besides, my roommate lived on her parents money- tuition, room and board, plus allowance. And they lorded it over her hideously. "We're not paying for you to go to the movies instead of studying..." etc, weekly, for four years. I think I preferred my way.

[Blalron]

If I can't buy beer I'm not a "grownup". Apparently I have about 3 years of growing up to do before I can walk into a bar without being tossed out as a "Minor". Don't bring this grownup shit on me when society doesn't consider me fully grownup yet.

[reprise]

I'm still curious about how you'd planned to finance your college years prior to this windfall Blalron.

[emarkp]

This from the guy who started the What about a "maximum wage" (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=147927) thread? The irony is nearly tangible.

[Nightime]

This from the guy who started the What about a "maximum wage" thread? The irony is nearly tangible.

I don't get it. The two threads seem very consistent, so where is the irony?

Also, I don't understand why everyone is being so dismissive of Blalron. After all, colleges specifically take into account your parents' finances when determining how much money to give you! Why would they do so if it was not expected that your parents would help pay?

Of course, the response will be that the colleges should not take this into account. Which may very well be true. However, you should be aware that the system is currently run using Blalron's expectations, and your expectations are the aberrant ones.

Personally, I didn't expect anything from my parents because they have nothing to spare. And because my financial hardships are completely my fault. After high school I was offered the Regents Scholarship at all the UC's I applied to. I was going to take the full ride at UCB, but I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown at around that time, which somehow led to me going to school elsewhere entirely on loans. But seriously, fleeing the country gets you out of your loans, right?

[pepperlandgirl]

Sorry, you're old enough to vote. You're old enough to die for the country (or choose not to). You're old enough to be a "grown-up".

[pepperlandgirl]

Also, I don't understand why everyone is being so dismissive of Blalron. After all, colleges specifically take into account your parents' finances when determining how much money to give you! Why would they do so if it was not expected that your parents would help pay?

You know a good way to get around this? Get married right after you graduate from high school.

[Jessity]

Y'know. . . I don't expect a damn thing from my parents. Having said that-

When I moved here to go to college, I had planned on financing it on my own, just as I did the first time I went to school at the local community college. After submitting my FAFSA, I found that I was eligible for one loan and one grant, which did not fully cover the costs of tuition. So I called the financial aid office here at OSU, and the lady I spoke to said that as far as the federal government was concerned, it was MY PARENTS' responsibility to pay for my education. I couldn't get any more loans in MY NAME, and I needed to speak with my parents about THEM taking out a loan. At 22 (at the time) years old, I hadn't asked my parents for a dime since I was 16 or so. I think this is pretty much bullshit, myself, but. . . you do what you have to, I guess. My parents took out the loan, because they want to help me if they can. I hate that they had to, but there was simply no way for me to pay tuition without that loan. In their names.

The point is, while no parent HAS to pay for their child's education, the government believes that parents ARE responsible for paying for the education of their children.

[clairobscur]

Originally posted by irishgirl
if she's spent the majority of her life studying for degrees, raising kids and working sucky jobs, the lady is entitled to a break.
a year long vaction with my boyfriend is EXACTLY how i'd plan to spend a 35k windfall.

she may be your mother, but that is not the total sum of her being, and fulfilling some personal ambition or desire is a pretty good way to spend money.




I fully agree.....I'm not sure why some people think that building a nest egg and thinking primarily on the long term is the only sensible way to go. My preffered use for eggs is to fry them and there's no guarantee your live will extend into the "long term".

[galrion]

as the federal government was concerned, it was MY PARENTS' responsibility to pay for my education. I couldn't get any more loans in MY NAME, and I needed to speak with my parents about THEM taking out a loan.

When I was 20 I was living on my own and I tried to apply for financial aid and even though I was on my own they required my parents' financial information. Based on their income I wasn't eligible for financial aid. I went to the office with tax returns saying I was head of the household, not claimed by my parents, etc. They wouldn't accept it. They said exactly the same thing. That as far as the federal government was concerned my education was the responsibility of my parents until I was either 26, married, a parent, a grad student or a veteran.

Flipping burgers (making sandwiches) was enough to keep me off the street, not enough to finance a college education and have a roof over my head.

[pantom]

Wow. Double wow.
Unless your kid is a total jerk or your dirt poor, you do have some obligation, I would think, to contribute to the child's college ed. Like they said above, it's taken for granted by the folks who give out scholarships and such.
I've never actually met a single parent in real life who would begrudge a child tuition for college if they were able. Everyone I've ever met assumes it's part of the responsibility of being a parent.
Even the one I know who does think his kid is a jerk is still paying something, because he does consider it his obligation. He just makes sure the kid is getting educated rather than partying.
Just because legally you don't have to doesn't make it right, or anything remotely resembling moral. If you don't feel you have an obligation to a child of your own, do everyone a favor: don't have one.

[Blalron]

Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
Sorry, you're old enough to vote. You're old enough to die for the country (or choose not to). You're old enough to be a "grown-up".

Yeah, in principle. I'm just saying, my drivers license says "Minor Until 9/30/2005". I may be an adult for many purposes, but I'm still not fully an adult. Plus there's the pesky fact that the government factors in what my parents make when it gives out loans.

You know a good way to get around this? Get married right after you graduate from high school.

:rolleyes: yeah, right. I have trouble enough finding a date, let alone a wife. Get real.

[Cheesesteak]

Let us not forget that Blalron himself said that mom would chip in for the education. She just has $35K less to work with than she might otherwise have had. The feds will take that into account when deciding financial aid.

It does really bother me that one cannot even get LOANS sometimes if your parents make too much money. That just doesn't make any sense, it's a loan, not a gift!