If that motherf****ing PAPERCLIP FROM HELL pops up one more time...

[BioHazard]

If that motherf****ing PAPERCLIP FROM HELL pops up one more time I'M gonna throw this computer out the window.

I HATE that MOTHERF***ER. If I ever meet it in person I am going to commit homiside err clipiside err whatever the legal term for that is.

Ok, so you're sitting there, typing something in M$Word, minding you're own business when WTF that F***ER pops up and says something like "It looks like you're writing a letter. Would you like help (etc)" NO I DO NOT WANT HELP!!! Hey, there's a check box for "Do not Show this help again" COOL! So you click it, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW? A little while later: Heeeeeeeeeeeees Back! For something completly unrelated to WHATEVER it is you are doing. M$ Access is even worse. That DAMN paperclip pops up MUCH more randomly and with even MORE absurdly unrelated "suggestions" or "help" than what that MFPOS "suggests" in M$Word. WTF??? So you switch over to making web pages in M$ Frontpage, and think you're FINALY safe. Are you? HELL NO! The Mother F***er POPS UP AGAIN! I seriously think I am getting cyber stalked by a F***ING PAPERCLIP. ARRGGGHH!!!

Why The F*** did Billy decide to torment us with that? Did he design it so that all the F***ING 6-year-olds that actually needed help could get it? Or does he just love to torment us? I greatly WISH one of the selections was "GO TO HELL YOU MOTHERF***ING PIECE OF S***!", but sadly there is none.

Usually, I have that MOTHERF***ER disabled through the settings, but I am using a friend's computer right now. Still though, even if you think you have the PAPERCLIP FROM HELL completly disabled, it STILL finds some way to pop up when you least expect it, to torment you some more.

In conclusion....Billy-Bob Gates, WTF were you thinking????????





*The *'s added by me because I prefer not to swear in "public"

[jackelope]

Wicked f***ing rant. As soon as I saw the thread title, I knew what you meant and went, "YEAH!!!"

[Berkut]

His name is Clippy. (http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/)

I agree, someone needs to straighten him out.

:D

[Erroneous]

It looks like you're trying to rant! Would you like some help? [insert exaggerated movement/blinking here]

[Ice Wolf]

Preach it!! Yes!!

I have my little beasties in the help menus in the "hide" setting (Win98). But I stardamned HATE Clippy!!

Bloody good rant. More of 'em, I say! Power to you, Biohazard!!

[BioHazard]

TY :)

[BioHazard]

And now that I have been presented with additional information let me formally say:

DIE CLIPPY DIE!!!!!!!

[Erroneous]

It looks like you're trying to rant! Would you like some help? [insert exaggerated movement/blinking here]

[Erroneous]

Oh, balls.

[Airman Doors, USAF]

That link is pure evil.

Voice by Gilbert Gottfried? :eek:

Go over to the side menus and go up and down with the pointer, you'll find that Clippy says "All your base are belong to us". Double :eek:

Clippy should be euthanised for his own good.

[BioHazard]

Thats a really weird multi-post, Erroneous how did you manage that?

And yes, any help offered would be greatly appreciated.

Oh hell, ive been awake for too many damn days...I think I should try to sleep.

That damn paperclip haunts my dreams...

[BioHazard]

seriously...ack...Its bad enough when my work follows me home to envade my dreams, but why the f*** does it have to bring it's inbred redneck cousin, "Clippy" along???

[Reuben]

BioHazard, maybe this will help : http://reviews.zdnet.co.uk/review/43/1/1543.html


I seem to remember Bill Gates 'sacking' Clippy at some industry event or other, but the little git still somehow made it into Office XP. Ah yes, here it is (http://www.microsoft.com/billgates/speeches/2001/05-31officexplaunch.asp) :

BILL GATES: Thank you. Well, Clippy did his job right up to the end. He even helped me write the letter informing him that he was fired...

[E-Sabbath]

Right-click on Clippy. Options. Checkbox in upper left saying use/do not use Clippy. Uncheck/check it.

[Berkut]

Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF
That link is pure evil.

Go over to the side menus and go up and down with the pointer, you'll find that Clippy says "All your base are belong to us".

I just got "At least I'm not a sock puppet". :)

[Erroneous]

My browser timed out on the "thank you for posting" screen, so I clicked 'refresh', and then remembered that I'm not supposed to do that, because it'll result in a double-post. Hence the "balls".

Incidentally, on an Australian comedy show last year (called CNNNN (www.cnnnn.com), and sort of like a TV version of The Onion), they had a bit where a guy dressed up in a Clippy costume and went around to various places in public, asking random people "It looks like you're trying to write a letter! Would you like some help?" He got some good responses. One guy looked at him blankly for a second, and then said "Ohhh! I know who you are! You're that fucking paperclip!", and then proceeded to punch Clippy-man.

[flodnak]

Originally posted by Joey G
I agree, someone needs to straighten him out. Someone has. (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20000721)

[Shade]

http://laugh.or.die.net/microsoft/assistant.gif

[Audrey Levins]

I thought he was kind of cute.

[Audrey Levins]

DAMMIT, I wasn't supposed to say it that loud!

Maybe it's just that I need Clippy's help.

Or somebody's, for God's sake.

:D

[Berkut]

It looks like you're trying to use VB codes!

[Audrey Levins]

Joey, I KNEW somebody was gonna say that the moment I hit "submit."

Good for you. I wish I had a prize to hand out.

:D

[Kyla]

Ahem (http://www.gamespy.com/comics/dorktower/archive.asp?nextform=viewcomic&id=593)

[UncleBeer]

And yes, any help offered would be greatly appreciated.
Find all files named "filename.act" - they're in a directory called "actors." Then, either delete 'em or change the extension; I recommend changing the extension if you're on someone else's machine. That way you can easily restore them when you're done and you don't have to worry about changing that person's settings. The help file still works as expected (well, as expected for a Microsoft product).

[Legomancer]

"That word isn't in the dictionary. Did you mean to type 'motherfucking'?"

[Indygrrl]

Clippy must die.

[Liberal]

Originally posted by Erroneous
It looks like you're trying to rant! Would you like some help? [insert exaggerated movement/blinking here] :D :D :D

[belladonna]

My office help has his name as "Clippit" :confused:. I always give him the axe when he pops up and use the robot-looking character. He reminds me of the little creatures from "Batteries Not Included", that cheesy alien-robot movie from the 80's. I think he's cute, in an annonyingly rage-inducing kind of way.

[porcupine]

I hate that smarmy winking paper clip.

[Judith Prietht]

Clippy looks a bit like my ex-boyfriend, and therefore I find this rant highly amusing. I think the resemblance lies, to quote porcupine, in the smarmy winking. Nice work, BioHazard!

[susan]

Thinks he writes better than me

[Koxinga]

In Asia, you can get a help "actor" in the form of an anime-style Japanese office lady. I thought she was cute.

Sad, huh?

[Alto]

Oh UncleBeer thank you so much! My office for some reason won't tell us to lose the little creep, and they'll be pissed if they find out I've been meddling with my computer. But I'm so glad to see the last of him. I always thought he looked like a dirty old man, and I hated to see him snivelling and drooling in my letters.

[CanvasShoes]

umm, there's this thing called preferences? and you can use it to make sure the paperclip and/or his buddies NEVER show up ever again. Just a thought.......

[Kalashnikov]

I'm hitting myself in the head with a brick and it hurts! OW! Why does microsoft keep making me hit myself? OW! Microsoft sucks because they're making me hit myself.

Oh, you mean i can stop hitting myself? Who would have guessed that? Microsoft is evil, so I thought THEY must be forcing me to hit myself over the head.

[Kalashnikov]

What's really interesting, though, is that I find the cat or dog to be far less annoying than the paperclip even though they (I guess) appear just as often.

[BioHazard]

I know how to kill clippy, I just couldn't at the time because the owner of the comp for some INSANE reason wanted to keep it on there.

[Tuckerfan]

Somewhere, there's a hysterical cartoon showing a screenshot of someone typing a suicide note indicating that Clippy's driven them over the edge. Clippy's also there saying, "It looks like you're trying to write a suicide note..." I remember the first time I "discovered" Clippy. I was at home, alone writing something, when I paused to think about whatever it was that I was working on. Suddenly, I heard "tap, tap, tap" from somewhere, damn near jumped out of my skin! Naturally, I started screaming at the PC when I discovered what it was.

Ooh! Ooh! Have you seen the "hidden settings" "screenshot" that someone's done? One of the settings is: "Annoy me with that sodding paperclip!" Priceless, I tells ya!

[Dragonblink]

I believe the satanic wire's full name is Clippy McAsspixel. The easiest way to get rid of him that I've found was to ask him "How do I get rid of this fucking paperclip?" He'll then helpfully tell you how to disable him.

My mother, on the other hand -- an avid computer user since the early eighties and an A+ certified technician -- just changes 'im to the cat and leaves him there. Further proof that she's bloody insane.

[NardoPolo]

I keep looking for a site in which you can do all the obvious violent things to that stupid clip. It really seems like there should be a place to do that. I mean, look at all the flash sites where you can beat up on Bill Clinton or George Bush or the "Do you hear me now?" guy or that dumb singing bass or Santa's elves or Christmas carolers...

Why hasn't someone put together a flash swf to let you bend the clip all outa shape, pound him with a hammer, torture him with some pliers, melt him with a soldering iron, grind him up in some gears? Think of how therapeutic that would be. Think of how popular it would be.

I say that the internet is not complete until we have such a thing. There is a big obvious gap out there that is waiting to be filled.

and Kalashnikov: First, that switch isn't universally available in earlier versions, where you could turn him off in MS Word only to have him reappear in MS Access and reset his properties in the other office products. Second, every time I go and help a cow-orker he shows up and gets in the way. I've not seen him be actually helpful yet. Or if you reinstall things he has a tendancy to come back..

[monica]

Have you tried going to "Help" then "Hide office assistant"? Although I prefer to just set it to something cute. Some versions of Windows have a dog and cat, among others. Right click on Clippy and go to "choose office assistant." Then choose. By right clicking on your new assistant and choosing "animate," it will do all sorts of cool stuff. Very amusing when bored.

[Troy McClure SF]

Originally posted by Tuckerfan
Somewhere, there's a hysterical cartoon showing a screenshot of someone typing a suicide note ... the "hidden settings" "screenshot" that someone's done? One of the settings is: "Annoy me with that sodding paperclip!" Priceless, I tells ya!

Perhaps my site (http://fathom.org/jjtm/dungeon/Compooters.html)? (No I didn't create them.)

[Equipoise]

I like Einstein myself. He's cute.

[runner pat]

Looks like Clippy is looking for a new job.
http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/

[CanvasShoes]

Oh, well then if it's your "work 'puter" and you're not allowed to delete clippy, some of the other poster's suggestions here might be less frustrating than having clippy just "pop up" out of nowhere.

If you choose the cat, dog or robot, I think you can set them for "no sound". I don't recall right off the top of my head.

At any rate, you can put them FAR up in one of the corners, and all they do is have a little light bulb go on over their heads, or stretch or something.

I've found that the cat is the least annoying re: noise, etc.

[Azure Eternity]

Look at the flash animations on the link posted by runner pat and Joey G. It's all about how Office XP doesn't have Clippy because people "hate that *bleep* paperclip". Selecting Gilbert Gottfried, who has possibly THE most annoying voice on the planet, to voice Clippy is a nice touch.

[LiquidChaos]

this may have been posted before, I don't really have time to read through all of them, but I saw this clip and thought if this post. Hope you enjoy it

http://www.salmondays.tv/downloads/paper_clip.mpg

*Warning* Contains vulgar language

[Colibri]

Originally posted by Dragonblink
The easiest way to get rid of him that I've found was to ask him "How do I get rid of this fucking paperclip?" He'll then helpfully tell you how to disable him.

Y'know, that's literally what I typed in to find out how to get rid of him. It must be one of the standard questions.

Christ I loathe those things. Especially the fact that they keep blinking and moving even when not in use.