My Hair Is Too Freekin' Big!

[alice_in_wonderland]

It's huge. Massive. It's like a massive, living, breathing shrubery on my head. It's curly, except when it's straight, and then it's wavy, unless it's fuzzy, until it decides to become nappy, or perhaps turn into a massive, honkin' dreadlock.

Hair balms do nothing. Gels, nada. Sprays - my hair laughs at them in glee. No amount of conditioning will leave it managable. My hair brushes look like a cat has curled up on them and died.

To blow dry takes at least a half an hour. Put it in a bun, and I wind up with a beehive. A ponytail results in a massive, fluffy, porcupine like bush on the back of my head.

And now, just to make my freekin' day complete - MY HAIRBRUSH IS STUCK IN MY HAIR.

<sob>

[cowgirl]

i hear you, sister.

I shaved mine last week - after 15 years of fighting, I finally won!

I love it. I don't know why I waited.

Imagine the freedom of getting out of the shower, towelling off and forgetting about it!

Imagine taking your laundry out of the dryer and not having to pull hairballs off it !

Imagine your partner being free to move around in bed without the inevitable 'Ow ... ooh ... get off my hair'

Imagine wearing hats without looking stupid or having them pop off your head from the force of The Hair !

Imagine what the back of your head feels like to touch !

Imagine using a blob of shampoo the size of a quarter ! And NO conditioner !

Imagine, after a shower, not having to pull miles of clumped hair out of the drain !

Imagine not looking idiotic when it's humid out !

Wow, I am a true convert. I loved my hair for 15 years but i sure was glad to see it on the floor of the salon. Liberating ! I understand it's a difficult decision to make. What I did was admire short-haired women until I realized that I, too, could be one. And then my hair ate my comb. And my dinner. So I decided it was time to go.

But if you're not ready yet ... I understand that too. my heart goes out to you, and your hair-derived misery.

[Indygrrl]

Have you tried a chemical relaxer? They make some mild ones that might really help.

[MaxTheVool]

Originally posted by alice_in_wonderland
It's huge. Massive. It's like a massive, living, breathing shrubery on my head. It's curly, except when it's straight, and then it's wavy, unless it's fuzzy, until it decides to become nappy, or perhaps turn into a massive, honkin' dreadlock.


[Johnny Carson] I didn't know you were Jewish [/Johnny Carson]

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by Indygrrl
Have you tried a chemical relaxer? They make some mild ones that might really help.

<snort>

Sadly, it's not necessarily texture that's the problem, so much as volume.

I can put my hair up in a bun type of thing in the AM, leave it all day, sleep on it and take it out the next morning, and the hair in the middle is still wet. It's absurd, really.

I have to do the drain in my tub with draino about once every 2 months.

And yet, I persist.

I did manage to get the brush out of my hair, however.

[MagicEyes]

I just found a wonderful book called "Curly Girl." It has lots of good tips for taking care of curly hair. The big shocker--most shampoos are bad for curly hair, because they're too harsh and they dry it out.

I checked this book out of the library, and I'm going to run right out and get my own copy. Anyone with curly hair needs to get this book!

ME

[astro]

Umm... not meaning to suggest anything unduly radical or anything, but why don't you reduce the volume and length to a manageable amount by having it cut?

[astro]

Oh crap I just realized! Ummm...this is one of those female "listen to me and sympathize" moments not a "give me a solution" request isn't it?

astro backs quickly out of room with a weather eye out for flying shoes

[Speaker for the Dead]

I have thick hair (for a guy), and I love getting a hair cut, because the stylist inevitably thins it dramatically... I love thinner hair!

[NurseCarmen]

Please stay seated in the rear of the movie theater, Big Hair.

[FairyChatMom]

<running hands thru whispy, straight tresses, sighing>

Stupid hair...

[Tanaqui]

I hate my hair - and yet, I love it.

It's not curly, just kinda wavey, and it's very fine, and yet, it's really thick. I don't know what to do with it. I hate how I look with my hair up so I just brush it and wear it in a basic parted style all the time.

And if I don't brush it every few hours, it gets frizzy and I end up with a blonde halo around my head. It's incredibly frusterating, but I must be doing something right. I mean, once time, at a concert, some random chick wandered up to me and told me she loved my hair. She was obviously stoned out of her mind, of course, but still...!

Sigh. :(

[Zoe]

Is your hair kind of like Andi McDowell's? She looks great!

Have your tried having it thinned? As a young woman, I used to have that done. (I could only describe my hair as "bushy.") Time took care of that. Now I have thinning hair. Ratz!

BTW, I don't want to promote any products here. But I did see a hair specialist in Atlanta. I asked him what shampoo I should use for hair care in general. Think of a couple of the cheapest brands -- those are the ones he recommended.

cowgirl, did you really shave your head? Cool! I've always wanted to do that!

[Zebra]

Mrs.Z has thick curly hair. Then I spotted a NYC mag that had a article on salons that specialize in curly hair. The one she picked is called Ouidad. (you can find their commerical on the web easily)

Let me tell you. Although it seems expensive ($100) it's not that bad as she only gets it done about twice a year. That's how they schedual her. The products and cutting techniques they use produce dramatic results.

[MelCthefirst]

Have you tried straight perms?
Lots of women in Japan get straight perms - they have really thick hair. In fact I was always trying to find volume boosting hair stuff but they always read: "borumu down".

[Mirror Image egamI rorriM]

Maybe you should just get dreds.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Personally, the "Dread" option is the most appealing to me, but I have a feeling I would just wind up with one large, unrully dread, as opposed to a shwack of chicky, stylish dreads.

I keep hoping 80's hair will come back - then, I had no problem whatsoever.

:D

[SweetLucy]

My hair is naturally as straight as a stick, and therefore I get perms about two or three times a year- I guess we're never satisfied with what we've got, huh? Personally I think most women look awful with stick-straight hair, but that's just my opinion.

[Audrey Levins]

Hey now! *slaps SweetLucy* You're lookin' at a girl with fabulous red-gold hair that's as straight as Al Gore!

;)

It isn't, really...I have to blow dry it to get it really straight, b/c otherwise I get this annoying kink-that-isn't-a-wave-or-a-curl....but I love having straight hair. I permed it once, when I was twelve years old, and refused to do so ever again.

I think curly hair is absolutely beautiful....but I have friends with problems similar to Alice_In_Wonderland's and it's so high-maintenance that I've always been grateful I got relatively "boring," low maintenance hair.

My future SIL, for instance, has those really tight ringlet curls...and she has no variety in hairstyles because if she cuts it at all it just gets bigger and bigger. She has to keep it long in order for gravity to kick in.

But it is really beautiful hair.

[matt_mcl]

hair that's as straight as Al Gore!

Now there's a simile.

My hair is - well, my mom is Korean and my dad is Scottish. DOes that spell it out nicely? When I get it cut, it's okay for three weeks, then it goes FOOF! and I have to start beating it into submission every morning. Woe betide all who meet me before I shower. Even when I've successfully conquered it, it has these little bits that boink out on the side. God I hate those. I twist them, smack them, and finally just cut them off with beard scissors. I HAVE to get a haircut.

On the plus side, it's a really pretty colour.

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Not too many times do you see a red 'fro on a teensy, tiny white chick. I've never had the joy, but I've seen it blow-dried out and there's still alot of it.

We can't all have God-given beautiful tresses. Although, now that I've left Canada, perhaps you could step in to the good hair.

Tee hee.

[Dante]

You can't believe how glad I am to be able just to shave my head bald. Although Mrs. Dante likes it when I have hair, cause it's so thick and curly. The main reason I shave it actually.

I do have to admit that seeing a woman with a thick mane of hair makes me weak in the knees, not to mention somewhat of a hypocrite.

[Sassafras]

Alice I think we may be related!!! I washed my hair Wed nite, and it was still wet when I got home from work yesterday and took it down. I dont mind my curls so much as the absolute thickness of it all. I have enuff hair for 4 people. I have done everything to my hair-- cut it REALLY short, straightened it, used massive amounts of hair products. The short cut never works because I need it cut every other week cause things poke out. The straigtening was great-- lasted about two weeks before the curls came back. Currently its about shoulder length when dry and the middle of my back when wet. This is good because I can pull it up when it goes crazy.
And don't you LUVVVVVV it when people tell you they wish they had your hair? I wish they had it too!

[Gravity]

My hair was fine but THICK. I would put it up with a pony-tailer and it would still be wet in the middle when I took it down that night.

Then I started taking the pill to regulate my cycle. Three months later - BAM! My hair started falling out. At any time of the day, I could run my fingers through my hair gently and pull out a handful. It's been a further two months. Now I have hair that is two shades darker than it was before, fine, thin, and straighter than it was before. Before, when I put my hair up in an elastic, I could only wrap it twice - now I can wrap it four times. It tangles a lot more, and it gets staticy more, but I expect that I'll be most appreciative come summertime.

[Elenfair]

I *so* feel your pain, sister.

My hair gets dubbed the "Medusa" hair because it's curly and sticks out in all directions. It makes knots like nobody's business.

Bloody hair. *sigh*

[HomeSlice]

Chicks with long curly hair turn me on - big time.

[Elenfair]

Obviously, you've never seen my Medusahair HomeSlice. It's scary stuff, man.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth
Not too many times do you see a red 'fro on a teensy, tiny white chick.

See "fro" is not quite the right word. It's more like a traffic pilon - you know orange and triangular - it's about halfway down my back now, which is good, and bad.

Good, because gravity pulls it into submission.

Bad, because I wake up with a massive, ferret sized mat on the back of my head each morning that takes about 15 minutes to comb out.

Perhaps I should just get a wig.

As an aside to Audrey, I do get complemented on my hair. However, I've usually spent about an hour beating it into submission before that happens. :)

[Profane]

I have similar problems. Its not curly, thanks to gravity, but very very very thick. It's long for the first time in my life, and it is gorgeous (imagine portia DiRossi's hair, but a coppery auburn.)
I love my hair, but I can't do anything with it. On day one, I wash it. I can't dry it, that would take up a good 90 minutes, make me resemble Carrot top, and double my electric bill. It goes in a bun for the first few hours (until the weight gives me a headache.) It stays wet until I wake up the next day. Day two, I just let it hang there, looking pretty.
That doesn't sound all that bad, except there's nothing else I can do with it. Barretes break under the strain. Elastics snap. Braids resemble hemp rope, and will stick out at a 90 degree angle, not slither gracefully down my back. I've bought a ton of different "hair-doo" inventions, but my tresses laugh at their punyness.
All I want is a little variety!

[80sHairMetalMaven]

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I hate having thick hair! I would rather have sort of medium thickness hair but ooooh no. I wind up with hair so freaking thick you could choke a horse. I hate it!! Yes, I realize the dream of a lot of people with thin hair is to have hair like mine. I don't want hair this thick, though. If I blow dry it, it takes almost an hour just to get it half-way dry. I can put it up in a bun, leave it all day and the center and bottom of the bun are still pretty darn wet when I take it down at the end of the day. Ugh. People always tell me,"Oh you have such thick, beautiful hair. You should let it grow out really long." I find it hard to keep myself from strangling them. My hair is so thick it's heavy and it hurts my head if I let it grow too long. Once, I let it grow to my waist and I had to get it cut to shoulder-length because I was getting massive hair-headaches from the strain the weight was putting on my poor scalp. My hair, whether due to the immense thickness or just crappy hair genes, is stick straight and will not curl. If it DOES decide to curl, I have to put massive amounts of hairspray on it to keep it that way. I can't get a perm to make it even the slightest bit wavy, either. The one time I tried that (and the stylist assured me it would only give me a 'body wave' whatever the fuck that is), I ended up looking like a poodle for six months straight until it grew out and then I had hair like that girl in "The Princess Diaries" before she got it fixed and became all princess-y. Yuck. I was the joke of the junior high school pictures that year.:(
If I knew I wouldn't look wierd with no hair, I swear to Goddess I'd shave it all off.

IDBB

[alice_in_wonderland]

I should point out that despite the volume, my hair is also baby fine.

This means that it gets loaded with static at the drop of a hat, and tangles on itself with no outside influence, whatsoever.

Not to mention that getting my round heat brush (used to try to tame the beast) caught in it happens with startling regularity. And I took Beauty Culture! Imagine if I was a novice trying to deal with this thing!

[GingerOfTheNorth]

I was a little surprised to see you post about how big it is, you know. It's always looked rather straight to me.
I know of the big-ass mat in the hair, which is why I sleep with it in a pony tail. Trust me.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth
IIt's always looked rather straight to me.

What you have enjoyed in the past is nothing short of a hair-care marvel, brought about by the careful application of about 14 hair products including balms, sprays, gels and mouses, not to mention strenuous treatment with a variety of heated implements that could get a KGB spy to crack in less than 7 minutes.

I beat it. I cajole it. I whip it. I gel it. And though this heroic effort, I mannage to achieve hair that is of a reasonable volume and dimension.

Lets just say, that should I make the mistake of going to bed with wet hair, I can put the Bride of Frankinstein to shame.

[GingerOfTheNorth]

I wash mine. Sometimes, I comb it with a wide-toothed comb. On occasion, I will add a lovely styling lotion which I have had to import through Mom's exports. I will trade you, if you like.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Why would you want to trade your lovely, red, stylable, coifure, for the beast that I have on my head?

And don't say it's because of some perceived flaw in yer hair, lady - we all know it's fabulous. :)

[Burnt Sugar]

I have really really curly hair (Ringlet-ty). It's really thin/fine too, but because it's curly it doesn't look like it.

It used to bug me, but now I know how to handle it. I can put a bit of defrizzer-gel stuff in my hair and leave it to dry (no brushing) and I will get compliments.

I can do pretty much any style a person with straight hair can do (plaiting, braiding, updos etc), as long as I do it while the hair is still wet.

It's great when there is an occasion where most people go the hairdresser and get an updo with ringlets, I can do it myself in 10 minutes! :D

(There are downsides, fuzzies and frizzies and enormous knots that can appear if I don't take care. It also won't grow any longer than about the bottom of my shoulder blades. And my plaits are never nice and thick. :()

[Cat Whisperer]

Last Monday, I cut my hair off short for the first time in my life. I towel dry it now, and it's pretty much styled. This is a kind of freedom I've never had before (I've never had super long hair, but it's always been about shoulder-length, and quite thick and stubborn.) Now I just need some jazzy highlights, and I'm good for summer!

[alice_in_wonderland]

I keep having dreams about this really stylish do, with a nifty blond streak in the front.

I don't know what my hair would do if I tried to put a blond streak in it.

[Wikkit]

Originally posted by Indygrrl
Have you tried a chemical relaxer? They make some mild ones that might really help. Don't listen to her, alice! Drugs aren't the answer!

Ok, so it would have been funnier way up higher in the thread.

My hair is starting to bother me. I'm going to get a haircut.

[ratty]

I used to have this problem myself. My hair is somewhat fine, but frighteningly thick. And long- god, was it long. I never had a hair cut until I was 16 years old. And I don't mean styled- until my sixteenth year, no scissors ever touched my hair. It was down to my ass, and I had to sleep with it in a braid every night or I'd wake up with a woven floor mat growing from my head. So then I got it cut to the middle of my back, after an unfortunate incident with some gum. And then when I turned twenty, I freaked out, and in a fit of rage shaved my head. It was really cool- I can't tell you how amazing it was to watch long strands of hair being sheared off my head. And washing it! It was awesome. It was as though my head had finally joined the rest of my body, instead of being swathed in hair. I loved it. But alas, after a few more shavings, I had to let it grow again, so that I might find a job. (You'd be shocked how many people are unwilling to hire a woman with a shaved head.) It's now just at my chin, but the thickness has turned it into a helmet. It starts at my scalp and goes out some twenty feet. Worse, when I tilt my head up, the shape of my face and jawline makes my whole head look like a penis. This had been pointed out to me at horribly inopportune moments. But there's nothing I can do. I have it thinned, and it goes right back to helmet in a matter of weeks. I'm thinking of getting one of those kicky little short cuts, with the spiky, poofy bits all over.

[fizgig]

Ooh, I just got a kinky liittle sort cut with spiky, poofy bits all over today! I love it so far. Of course, I haven't had to style it myself yet. The hairdresser used a round brush and made it curle upwards and sideways with the blowdryer. I look so chic! As she said "Your hair's so THICK! And it can't decide whether it's straight, wavy, or curly." I like my hair, but it's damn' hard to find a style that will accomodate all my hair.

I can't shave my head because I have this ugly-ass mole. Otherwise, it would be pretty cool.

Short hair rocks.

[sixseven]

Girlfriend, listen to me. I've got your problem solved for good. I was in your shoes once, I was born with straight hair that became big and curly. What I highly suggest you do is look into the Yuko System. That is the Japanese straightening method that everyone is talking about. Take a look at
www.phitenusa.com/yukosystem

for information, then look at
www.beautychannel.tv/yukosalonlist/index.html

for a list of salons all over the country that offer this. This will make your life SO MUCH EASIER! It won't damage your hair, in fact it will improve the health of your hair, and make it look a million times better. It's like plastic surgery for your hair without the risk. Also, it will flatten it miracuously, instead of the triangle look, you'll have the straight-as-a board look, like Jennifer Aniston. I've been having this done since 1991 and have it done twice a year on the new regrowth. It is expensive (I pay $220), but even for a frugal person like me, it's a bargain, because the cost makes up for the other associated expenses of battling big hair, such as frequent hair cuts, thinning, expensive flattening products, being late to work because of bad hair days, etc. Since more and more places are offering it, I predict the cost will gradually go down. And if you get bored with your straight Jennifer Aniston look, the good part is you can still curl it and puff it up a little, it just won't be huge anymore.

Another related method is the Bio-Ionic process. My 45 year old cousin had this done with a similarly great result.

So promise me that you'll look check this out for yourself. Then just do it! You'll be so glad you did and no longer ready to chop off your hair.

[alice_in_wonderland]

:confused:

Was I just spammed in my own thread?

[Audrey Levins]

No, Alice, you were Infomercialed. The only thing lacking was the host...the one who doesn't know anything about the product at hand, and follows the Demonstrator Of Product around oohing and aahing and squealing with amazement and delight at the Miracles The Product Has Wrought.

;)

I really think sixseven was just trying to tell you what worked for her. If you'd been spammed, it would have said something like "ALICE IN WONDERLAND ENLARGE YOUR PENIS SAFELY AND NATURALLY!"

Since, in my experience, spam has yet to have anything to do with anything I've ever done. :D (Or would want to do, or would have the necessary equipment to do.....)

[jujuju]

i actually had to switch stylist this week (old one is now too far away, and i've been seeing her since i was 14 :( )

anyway, the new one did something to my thick somewhat frizzy hair called texturizing <sp>

whe took what seemed like a straight razor and threaded it through sections of my hair and pulled it through, and the hair fell off! well, not all of it, it's still past my shoulders, but my frizz is SO much better! you would think this would look, well, gappy, but it doesn't. i love it. it feels so much better. i think all that hair was giving me scalp problems (not dandruff, but itchy scalp). it's embarrassing to always be itching, um, scratching, my head.

[80sHairMetalMaven]

Worse, when I tilt my head up, the shape of my face and jawline makes my whole head look like a penis. This had been pointed out to me at horribly inopportune moments. :D
Now my cats are looking at me like I'm insane because I am cracking up laughing at this. I guess I am easily amused early in the AM when I have too much sugar (thanks to chocolate coated sugar bombs in my cereal).:D

IDBB