I lied!

[0887]

Hey it is me again I know you hate me because I lied and a lot. I hope you are over it by now.
I am a woman and I am not a lesbian like you thought.
I was bored and getting my kicks.
I really am not into women like you thought.
I am straight.
Isn't it amazing what a woman will do when they are bored?
I thought I better get this straight before I do much more posting.
So people am I safe can I post here and be welcome now.
Is all forgiven?:o 0887

[Jack Batty]

Sure, you can post here.





Who the fuck are you?

[Venoma]

ROFL.

Please don't act as if all women do this? We don't. But thanks for letting us know you're a lying bitch!

[World Eater]

What the hell kind of Twilight Zone thread is this?

[0887]

Hey guys thanks you make me feel so welcome!!!
Venoma yes I can be a bitch but it is truth from now on!!
I was just having an adrenalin rush.
Venoma you should check out just how bad I am. Lol 0887

[Jack Batty]

I forgot to add ... "and what the hell are you talking about," but I suppose that's kind of a given.

[Guinastasia]

Can you post here?

Well, sure-until the mods ban you for trolling you dumbass.

[World Eater]

Cut the dose, or double it.

[0887]

Well thanks again but I am on the up and up now I am not trolling.
I started out about 3 months ago and everything I said was either a lie or close to one but I am fresh and honest now.
I am a woman with a new start and there is no more lies. 0887

[Jack Batty]

Describe a speculum.

[Sylkyn]

Eh...I'd be ever so much more pissed off if I actually gave a fat flea's flying fuck about it.

So, did anybody watch "The Shield" last night? Talk about a flying fuck....damn near had table sex, ol' Vic did.

[Desmostylus]

Links the bullshit posted by 0887 last month.

Burning with lust. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=158867)
Nasty and disgusting (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=158669)
bad taste (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=158971)

[Tabithina]

I think we might actually be dealing with a chimpanzee that has access to a keyboard. :dubious: Nah...a chimp would be more coherent.

[0887]

Hey I don't know about the shield Silky Threat but what did you think of Joe millionaire? 0887:)

[Desmostylus]

Originally posted by 0887
I started out about 3 months ago and everything I said was either a lie or close to one but I am fresh and honest now.
Is that an example of truth? You only registered 5 weeks ago.

[0887]

Hey I told you it was bad taste.
It seems like it has been longer than a month.
Like I said I was bored but it is over now.
Nothing but the truth from these lips. 0887

[Jack Batty]

If you can't describe a speculum, can you tell us the name of the directory that your dad hides his porn in?

[Neurotik]

0887, nobody knows who the hell you are or what lies you have told.

[Aspidistra]

I can only stand silent in admiration for 0887's courage in outing her....ummmm....him....um....whateversself before the massed ranks of disapproving Dopers.

Not since BURNER (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=164125) has so much insight into a poster's true character been aired before so many who care so little.

I am inspired to make my own confession. I am not, in fact, a 5'11'' married computer geek living a fairly boring life in Melbourne. No, no! It was all LIES. LIES, I tell you!

I am in fact a hermaphrodite from the planet Flurglemoop on a secret mission to preserve the ancient folk wisdoms of the people of Earth (after all, if you were intent on gathering the ancient folk wisdoms of Earthlings where ELSE would you hang out but the SDMB?) before this whole planet is blown to smithereens to make way for a pan-galactic hyperdrive space road thingumajig dooverlacky.

You all believe me, don't you? Don't you? Nothing but truth from these lips...

[0887]

Nope I can't do that sorry. 0887

[0887]

HEY guys can't you be a little forgiving I admit I was wrong. I am trying to make up for my bad taste.
I had an adrenalin rush and was very bored okay.
That was then have you never done something tacky once in a while. 0887

[DrFidelius]

I feel I must apologize as well.

For the past five years I have been maintaining the lie that I am a middle-aged caucasian male, working for a German-based company in the Northeastern US.

I have allowed you all to believe that I have been married to the same woman for almost two decades, and that we have two daughters.

I have given the impression that I am fairly well read and educated.

This is all a lie.

I am actually a Markov chain sampler with support of Bayesian regression and classification running on a Toshiba laptop. I am not even really Scottish.

If I really had lips there would be nothng but truth coming from them.

Thank you.

[Reeder]

Whoopee.

[0887]

Yes you know what it was egostical of me to think someone would remember so I am going to go now and get on with things. I may just post in another thread here.
I am so glad you have forgiven me.
If not though life goes on. 0887

[Wabbit]

I'm actually a cantaloupe.

Carry on.

[Kat]

If you are truly "trying to make up for [your] bad taste", how about trying to actually interact on the MB by reading and responding to threads you find interesting by adding meaningful, interesting, informative posts, rather than yelling "LOOK AT ME! FORGIVE ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" in the Pit?

[0887]

This could be your opportunity to come clean just as I have. bye bye now. 0887

[0887]

Yes right you are right Kat. 0887

[Jack Batty]

I just took a shower, and I am masturbating.

In a nutshell, I am coming clean.



Ba-dum ching.

[Miller]

Serious Response: 0887, since everything you've said up 'til now has been a lie, why should we believe anything else you have to say?

"Humerous" Response: Actually, I've been lying to. In fact, I've been lying hundreds and hundreds of times a day here on the SDMB. You see, there really is no Straight Dope. It's just me, and about 5,000 socks.

I apologize to all the people I've misled.

[0887]

Hey guess you have to take my word for it. 0887

[Sylkyn]

I don't watch "reality" television, 0887. If I wanted to see true stupidity, I guess I'd keep reading this thread.

Oh wait...


nevermind.



And on preview, I see that Jack and Miller have been combining their forces.

Masturbating....socks... 5000 times??! Gotta be a record.

[Sock Munkey]

Originally posted by Miller
"Humerous" Response: Actually, I've been lying to. In fact, I've been lying hundreds and hundreds of times a day here on the SDMB. You see, there really is no Straight Dope. It's just me, and about 5,000 socks.

I apologize to all the people I've misled.



I KNEW IT!!!
:eek:

[FranticMad]

Excuse me, I think I've just burst a frontal lobe. I'll be back. Honest.

[Never to be Queen]

It is horrible and yet I want to keep reading.

[lel]

0887, were you contemplating Christianity? If so, were you also lying about that?

(I could have you completely mixed up with someone else, in which case I apologize profusely.)

[Venoma]

Originally posted by 0887
Venoma you should check out just how bad I am. Lol 0887

Well, since I'm a woman, and you apparantly DONT like women, though you said you do, I don't really want to check out how 'bad' you are.

I would be very happy if you shut up though. Attention whore.

This will be my last post to this thread, and likely to anything you have to say in the future. Fare thee well, shining maiden! And please attempt to use proper punctuation and grammar.

[0887]

How many of you have never lied please tell me and if you haven't then judge me.
Have any of you guys ever been unfaithful to your wife?
You really need to be a kinder and more gentler people. 0887

[0887]

Yes Lel I was and that was real.
I just had a silly moment when I was or lost control out of boredom really? 0887

[bernse]

Why the fuck do you end every post with 0887?

Christ, we know who's posting. It says so about 2 inches to the side of the body of your post!

[Smeghead]

Originally posted by Aspidistra
I am in fact a hermaphrodite from the planet Flurglemoop

Do you know the G'xuuurddhakkks? Lovely couple.

[lel]

Originally posted by 0887
Yes Lel I was and that was real.
I just had a silly moment when I was or lost control out of boredom really? 0887

So, how is that going? Still searching? Has any part of your viewpoint on such changed in the past few weeks?

Thinking good thoughts for you, that you may find that which you are searching for!

[Scruloose]

Miller and Jack Batty:

LOL! :D :D :D

You guys have saved singlehandedly saved this thread. Of course Jack only had one hand free with which to work.

[Kat]

"Humerous" Response: Actually, I've been lying to. In fact, I've been lying hundreds and hundreds of times a day here on the SDMB. You see, there really is no Straight Dope. It's just me, and about 5,000 socks.

Do you think you could manage to actually include some better content in the posts you make under this name? All the other 4999 socks tease me constantly and if this keeps up, I'm making a break for it next time I'm in the dryer. :)

[Miller]

Me and Jack, singlehandedly saving the SDMB. We're like the Lone Rangers.

[RexDart]

I said it then, I'll say it now. 0887 is quite simply the most worthless poster to make it past 50 posts in the 11 months I've been reading this board. I don't know what the hell he/she/it (not gonna take it at it's word about being a woman) is here for, or what he/she/it wants. Seriously, if this is trolling, it's pretty ineffective because all 0887 did was post nonsense that nobody bothered to keep up with once they realized it was all bull.

BTW, I thought it had been established that 0887 was the same person as johnybgood, who was appropriately banned as a sock. It seemed pretty clear from that "burning with lust" thread.

[0887]

No not the same I just answered that posts of him thats all.
So what thinks you think you are so brainy RexDart?
I may be worthless but what makes the rest of you any better talking about jacking off in a sock?
Yeah just about as intelligent as all those posts I have posted. So look who is calling the kettle black. 0887

[TVeblen]

Originally posted by 0887
...........
I was bored and getting my kicks.
...........
Isn't it amazing what a woman will do when they are bored?
I thought I better get this straight before I do much more posting.
...............
Is all forgiven?:o 0887

Moderator's note:

Isn't it amazing how many people are bored but somehow manage to find better ways to amuse themselves than enacting extended Jerry Springer gags on total strangers for yuks?

Actually, no, it's not forgiven and don't bet a cup of warm spit on your chances of posting much more.

TVeblen,
for the SDMB

[0887]

Okay then I am done!
Didn't mean to stir up hate. 0887

[Cosmopolitan]

Hmm. It's like a car wreck, only more irritating.

[catsix]

Hey guys, I have to tell you something.

I'm not really a cat.

And um, I'm not six years old either.

[ioioio]

I got a new puppy. He keeps peeing and pooping on the floor.
I wonder what made me think of that.

[0887]

One more post for Lel yes I am still trying to find my way.
As you can see what a mess I have made.
Thank you for being kind. 0887

[Aspidistra]

Originally posted by Chandeleur
Miller and Jack Batty:

LOL! :D :D :D

You guys have saved singlehandedly saved this thread. Of course Jack only had one hand free with which to work.

Singlehanded? Feh! There goes your chance of a berth on my shiny new spaceship when doomsday comes. Smeghead
on the other hand will be swanning off with me on a visit to my good friends the G'xuuurddhakkks.

That'll show you! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha

PS. 0887? You appear to have looked around, noticed the 10-foot hole which you have been dilligently constructing, and started thinking about putting down your shovel.

This is a good thing. Really.

However, we're going to continue to have fun over here. Don't mind us. That's just what the Pit is like

[Dijon Warlock]

Originally posted by RexDart
I said it then, I'll say it now. 0887 is quite simply the most worthless poster to make it past 50 posts in the 11 months I've been reading this board.Man, I can't win at anything.

[Miller]

There, there Dijon. I think you're worthless.

<Pats Dijon on back>

[Aslan of Narnia]

I lied!


I am not really posting in this thread!

I am really living in bermuda, and I am a really a anthromorphic pen!I am also a man who, when splashed with water, turns into cheese. Whee!aslan2

[Tinkertoy]

I guess I should come clean too. I'm not really a Tinkertoy.
I'm a Pick-up-Stick.

[The Mad Hermit]

Originally posted by bernse Why the fuck do you end every post with 0887?

I have a theory.

When the movie TRON was made, it was common practice to end a file by putting in a code which was read as the end of the file. The Master Control Program from the movie ends all its dialogue with "end of line."

The posts made by 0887 seem to hover on the edge of sense, like Justhink's posts. It was revealed, AFAIK, that he was using a translator program or some type of artificial intelligence program. Therefore, I propose that 0887 is really an artificial intelligence.

I reserve comment on the "intelligence" part, however.

[Horrifying Howler Monkey]

The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils.

(This thread has me all lost and confused)

Therapy is expensive but bubble wrap is free!

[psychobunny]

OK-I lied too. I am not really a crazy rabbit (see sig)

[Dijon Warlock]

Originally posted by Miller
There, there Dijon. I think you're worthless.Validation. It's what's for dinner.

[Desmostylus]

The banning stick strikes again.

[Smeghead]

Originally posted by Desmostylus
The banning stick strikes again.

So who wants to start the thread complaining about Nazi mods?

[Desmostylus]

Don't worry. Someone's bound to.

[Aslan of Narnia]

Wow, banned.


I wonder why.

[kambuckta]

Sorry to annoy the mods if they have something more interesting to do, but WHY THE FUCK IS THIS THREAD STILL RUNNING?

:rolleyes:

[Coldfire]

I dunno.