ENOUGH about your kid(s) already!

[FairyChatMom]

I like kids - I really do. They're so much fun to watch when they don't know you're paying attention. I get a thrill watching as they discover their toes or a bird outside the window or the triumph of completing a picture puzzle for the first time. Their interactions can be so entertaining. Kids are great.

But for goodness sakes, friends, coworkers, casual acquaintances, clueless relatives, would you please shut up about your kids! You didn't invent procreation. You didn't invent parenthood. You haven't witnessed the absolute first word/smile/step of any baby anywhere. Your child is not the cutest, cuddliest, most adorable ever to grace the planet. Close, but not quite.

I'm glad you love your child. I'm glad the kid brings you joy and fulfillment. I hope you raise a fine, upstanding, responsible individual who will be sure to take care of you in your old age. However, I don't need or want to hear every cute story, every doctor's report, every milestone that apparently consume your thoughts. When I ask "How's the kid(s)?" I'm truly not interested in the quantity and consistency of diaper contents, and I don't need a step by step by step by step narration of the latest adorable thing said kid(s) entertained you with.

Back in the pre-baby days, I know you talked about things. Those things are still valid conversation fodder. Please, please, please dig back into your memory and try a few of those topics. I promise I'll acknowledge Sally's and Jimmy's accomplishments and I'll ask questions if I'm really interested. But if I don't ask, please do not assume I'm too shy to inquire. Instead, mention the weather or something in the news or the raggedy front lawn on your block.

Yeah, I know I've probably told more than most of you want to know about my Perfect ChildTM but I really do try to be aware of how much I share, and I like to think that if I get obnoxious about it, someone would tell me or drop me an email to say so. I know even my mother doesn't want to hear all the amazing things her eldest granddaughter has done, believe it or not.

I do like kids, really. But I like adult conversation, too. Would you please give it a try once in a while? Please? I promise to be considerate when my Perfect GrandchildrenTM are born.

[BMalion]

You know, your post reminds me of something my kid said the other day, it seems he...







:D

[FairyChatMom]

Incidentally, this is not a reaction to any thread or post. It's just something that's been simmering below the surface and I overheard something that just pushed me over the edge. I'm better now that I've mentally purged. No bloodshed or anything...

[Swampwolf]

I can really sympathise...I used to work with someone who couldn't have kids, so she transferred all of her maternal instinct to...her Chihuahua.

And I heard all the same crap that I would've heard if it had been a child, or at least the same, incessant fawning.

On the bright side, I got downsized, so I didn't have to listen to her stories about Muffin any more.

[MsRobyn]

But... but... but...

*snif* :(

Robin

[Jonathan Chance]

Yeah!

Robyn, let's form a support group.

[tiny ham]

As someone who is desperate to have a baby and loves them to death, I have to wholeheartedly agree with OP.

A friend of mine just had his first baby three months ago, and now everything on the planet is put in that perspective. His answering machine says "Hi this is *the baby's name*'s house!"

I asked him about the Steelers game and he said "Who cares about football? When you have a baby, sports don't mean shit anymore"

When I asked if he was goign to ever act again on stage he said "Why? All that matters is that I have a kid! It's greater than anything on the planet! I'm my son's dad! That's all that matters."


People who lose their entire idenity for the sake of a newborn are frightening. I only HOPE I don't turn out that way (although I cannot guarantee it)

[FairyChatMom]

blessedwolf, my dad had a woman in his carpool who did the same about her poodle! We weren't in the least surprised when her husband left her.

[BMalion]

FairyChatMom,for the love of God, whatever you do, do not, repeat, DO NOT link to This! (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164517)

[Homebrew]

This from the Perfect Child's mom!? Say it ain't so!

[FairyChatMom]

umm, no, I wasn't going to that link. And that's not the kind of thing I was thinking about anyway. There's a woman I worked with who always managed to steer any conversation to her kids. Anything you said was a segue to the wonderfulness of her offspring. She had pics of her kids everywhere. If the internet had existed back then, she'd have created a cyber shrine to them. She and her husband were so into the kids, it was tedious to be around them.

Now, kids running around with underwear on their heads are funny! Kids feeding themselves spaghetti for the first time is funny (I've got pics to prove that) But getting daily updates on a kid's height, weight, number of teeth, and number of burps is not.

Then again, maybe I'm a terrible mom - I don't know what my kid's APGAR score was. :eek:

[swampbear]

Yeah, I hear ya about everybody's kids FairyChatMom. Makes it hard for me to get a word in edgewise about what my widdle cutesy poopsy, who looks at me with his widdle sad poopsy puppy eyes like he's saying "pwease daddy, take your widdle purty poopsy woopsy out for a walkie and then give poopsy woopsy a yummy for the tummy treatie."

Sheesh, you'd think people could get a life.





:D






Can't believe I did this, specially since FCM now has my home address. :eek:

[FairyChatMom]

um, swampbear, that dinner we were supposed to have? Umm, yeah, I'll get back to you on that...

[Slip Mahoney]

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

You're better off spending the money on an aardvark or something.

[Siemsi]

Fairychat,

I agree with you. I mean, I get excited over my bunnies new tricks or how cute my kitty cats are, but pleaasssse. If all someone can talk about it their kids, pets, etc., they need another hobby.

I'm almost 3 mos prego and I'm scared shitless about losing my identity. And BTW......I've been ttc for 3 years, and I'm still not totally warped with speaking only if infertility issues. I do have a life!

I just don't want to end up with a brain of mush after the baby arrives.

I guess it's in my power to stop it, right?!?! lol.

Yes, having a child changes EVERYTHING, but it's not soley who you are.

[Siemsi]

sorry about the typos............it's starting already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tiny ham]

congrats on the baby siemsi.

[easy e]

My mom does this to me, about my little cousins. You see, she had me when she was relatively young (19) and she's the oldest in her family. In the past 4 years, her sisters have had 6 children. So instead of talking to me, and hearing about what's going on in my life, she feels the need to tell me every "cute" little thing one of my cousins did.

[swampbear]

FCM I'll be sure to bring all my pictures of widdle pwecious cutesy poopsie wookin so sweet and cuddwy for daddy. Awww....wook a whole album of nothing but cutesy poopsie holdin up his widdle paw to shake hands....awwwwwww.....

[dangermom]

Oh, do I know what you mean. Most of my friends are just fine and have many conversational topics, but there are one or two who simply can't talk about anything but their kids. I just don't care what your second child weighed at age 3, or how you know when your daughter's going to get a growth spurt, or the detailed contents of diapers (some diaper talk is acceptable, but only to a limit). Can we please, please, please talk about something else for a change??!? (Like how much of a genius the Kidlet is, perhaps.)

No, actually I do limit my kid-conversation--I get bored and I hate to sound like I'm bragging, so I go the other way.

[truthbot]

I have always believed in the adage: "Don't tell me about your 'roids; and I won't tell you about my grandchildren."

[OpalCat]

Dominic's APGAR was 7/9

Mine was 10/10 :)

[tiggeril]

What's the APGAR?

[alice_in_wonderland]

One of my girlfriends now has two children - one 18 months, one 2 months.

All I ever hear about is piss, shit and puke. I don't call her that much anymore. :( She USED to be interesting.

[Zanshin]

One of my friends has recently developed the poopsie-woopsie syndrome too. His wife's seven months along in her pregnancy and I can't stop hearing about what color the baby's room is and the great furniture they found for the baby and the cute clothes they just got for the baby and the planning for the baby showers... fer Gossakes, e-fucking-NOUGH! I'm happy for you guys, I really am, but if I have to hear one more word about your precious little bundle of joy, I'm going to smack both of you so hard that your great-grandchildren will feel it. And boy will they be pissed at you.












I feel better now. :D

[NYR407]

I feel your pain.

I am one of the few single friends left in the group. Four couples had their babies within two months of each other. I am very happy for all of them. However one mom in particular truly believes we all care as much about her baby as she and her husband do.

This mom constantly sends everyone e-mails with updated pictures. The baby sitting up, the baby spitting up, the baby waking up etc etc etc. It has become quite an annoyance.

This mom also feels that since now she is a new mom that all activites we do should include the babies. They did not show up to a New Years Eve party because she wanted to spend it with the baby. FYI, all the other new moms and dads were there.

I pray when the day comes and I am a father that I am not even half as annoying.

[tiny ham]

The father I spoke of above likes to send one email a week with at least five huge pictures of his kid in it.

It takes up a ton of space and takes forever to download and you have to respond because he'll send an email that says,

"What did you think of the pictures? Did you get them? Aren't they cute?"

[Abe Babe]

Originally posted by NYR407
I feel your pain.

. . .

I pray when the day comes and I am a father that I am not even half as annoying.

Now, don't sell yourself short. I'm sure that with some practice and determination you can be be every bit as annoying. You just gotta believe in yourself.

;)

[beagledave]

Originally posted by tiggeril
What's the APGAR?

a somewhat meaningless measure of the health/vitality of a newborn.

(meaningless in the sense that an "8" is not really better than a "7", for example..somewhat subjective)

The APGAR is taken at 1 minute and 5 minutes.

For example (http://homepage.mac.com/beagledave/Events.html), BabyMaeve's was 8 & 9. :p :p :p :p

[Abe Babe]

jarbaby can you start sending him pictures of your dog? Or even better your husband (Joey is it)?

"Here's one of Joey eating spaghetti. Look at his smile."
"Here's one of Joey taking a widdle nappy on the couch."
"Here's one of Joey running around the house naked except for underwear on his head."

[NYR407]

jarbayj, those are rhetorical questions aren't they? I have yet to answer any of those in the e-mails I get.

Maybe you should respond with:

Yes I did get them but I thought it was a joke. Those pics were either out of focus or your baby is damn ugly.

It is pretty much guarenteed to get you off all mailing lists and have you added to their "people we hate list". I know it easier said then done. I can't do it either.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by NYR407
This mom also feels that since now she is a new mom that all activites we do should include the babies. Oh jeez, one of those!! One of the first thing we did upon achieving parenthood was to find competent babysitters. In fact, before the kid was even a year old, we left her with grandma for a week and went to the Keys. Teach 'em independence young, I say!

[Winnie]

Originally posted by FairyChatMom
Oh jeez, one of those!! One of the first thing we did upon achieving parenthood was to find competent babysitters. In fact, before the kid was even a year old, we left her with grandma for a week and went to the Keys. Teach 'em independence young, I say!

Good for you FairyChatMom ! This past summer for my birthday I wanted to go to a local bar/restaurant and dance to cheesy 80s music all night. Two of my friends with kids wouldn't come because one said "we're not really into the bar scene and since we can't bring Ashley we'd rather just go to someone's house and celebrate" (Gee, thanks for telling me what YOU'D like to do for MY birthday) and the other was totally freaked out about going out for a night without widdle puddin' since she was only 2 1/2 months old at the time. Now I love their kids as if they were my own nieces and nephews but this was SO hurtful.

Hubby and I are thinking of making this the year to start our family and we were happy that our parents never made us the center of their universes -- they maintained their own identities and had their own lives beside being parents. We have the same attitude and independence and are looking forward to balancing those things when we're parents.

[dangermom]

In fact, before the kid was even a year old, we left her with grandma for a week and went to the Keys. Teach 'em independence young, I say!

FCM, can I borrow Grandma? My mom is great and wonderful and lives in town, but she doesn't have time to take the Kidlet overnight. [/green with envy]

[MsRobyn]

Wow. In reading about your friends, I feel so much better about myself. I mean, I know I talk about Aaron a lot, but I do talk about non-child stuff. Sometimes. And I don't attach pix of him in e-mails; I link to the SDMB photo album and let those who want to look do so at their leisure. And I do occasionally insist that Aaron spend the day with his gramma so Mom and Dad can have some time as Robin and Dave. So, nyaah nyaah! :p

That said, Winnie, I can understand your friends not wanting to leave their 2-1/2 month old with a babysitter. That is kinda young, and I doubt the parents would have enjoyed a night out all that much, for worrying about the baby.

Robin

Robin

[SpazCat]

What I hate isn't the people who talk constantly about their kids (okay, I can't stand them either. Or the people who give me pitying looks when I tell them I'll never have children because I can't. Save your sympathy, you arrogant fucks.) I can't stand the people who get into pissing matches about their parenting styles. Especially the "attatched parents" crowd, the breastfeeding crowd, the natural childbirth crowd.

Okay, so you've decided that childbirth should involve six hours of screaming and no pain meds. You've decided that your child will never be contaminated with formula. You've decided that strollers are the infant carriers of the man-goat. That's fine. Really. I'm cool with that. NOW SHUT UP. I mean that. Stop ramming your fucking "alternative" parenting methods down everyone's throat. Just because a mother chooses to give her child formula or to have a c-section or to have the baby sleep in a crib does not mean her child will be horribly scarred and she'll never have a real meaningful relationship with her offspring. Trust me, bitch, you'll fuck your spawn up with your "alternative" parenting methods just as fast as people who go the more "traditional" route.

I don't acknowledge the existence of the person who inspired this rant. She used to be interesting. Then she discovered her fertility.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by genie
FCM, can I borrow Grandma? My mom is great and wonderful and lives in town, but she doesn't have time to take the Kidlet overnight. [/green with envy] Ya gotta bear in mind Grandma was 17 years younger at the time. I think she's past wanting to deal with a little'un at 71. My in-laws were great, tho. They'd watch the kid in a pinch, but they made it clear that they weren't our staff. They're about as independent as we are!

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by MsRobyn
I can understand your friends not wanting to leave their 2-1/2 month old with a babysitter. That is kinda young, and I doubt the parents would have enjoyed a night out all that much, for worrying about the baby. Mine went into daycare at 3 weeks - no choice about taking more time off work. But we loved the childcare providers and they gave our baby special attention because she was so young. That did a lot to ease our worries. To this day, we see "Miss Louise" around town every once in a while and she still remembers us. And since the kid isn't an axe murderess yet, I'm guessing we did OK... :D

ACK! I'm talking about my kid again - make me stop!!!!!

[erislover]

My friend recently had a child, and complained that less people wanted to talk to him anymore. "Gee," I said, "I wonder what happened?" Could be that within five minutes of seeing him you have ten pictures to look at and twenty stories about shit, vomit, nonsense, and babysitting? If I wanted to hang out with your fucking kid, why am I with you?

I understand children are interesting, especially when they're yours. But let's give it a fucking rest, huh?

Only to a new parent is, "How are you doing?" a question that apparently deserves a detailed answer. The rest of us seem to know what to do with it, which is move the fuck on.

[Feynn]

FCM - It was the pictures of the Chicklets wasn't it?

:)

[Bad News Baboon]

well if this isn't the pot calling the kettle black.

I did a search for "perfect child" and the results were a staggering 2,096!

:eek:

Good Lord, your child ain't that perfect.
Everytime I read a post by you its the same old my child did this, my child did that.

Hello? Nobody cares already!


















ah hahaha! I kid ya FCM. You probably don't mention your kid nearly as much as I do my dogs.


What's that you say? You want to see my baby (http://www.geocities.com/wendydyba/slides/dody/dody.gif) snuggled in the laundry? aw shucks, ok!

;)

[tiggeril]

Originally posted by beagledave
a somewhat meaningless measure of the health/vitality of a newborn.

(meaningless in the sense that an "8" is not really better than a "7", for example..somewhat subjective)

The APGAR is taken at 1 minute and 5 minutes.

For example (http://homepage.mac.com/beagledave/Events.html), BabyMaeve's was 8 & 9. :p :p :p :p

Ah. Thankee.

Considering that I went straight from the womb into an incubator, I guess I started out as an underachiever. :)

[BoBettie]

BNB! After my Shar-Pei Yoda, that may be the cutest doggie ever. DAMN! :)

[tsarina]

I kind of wonder if I'll be this hostile when my friends start spawning; I love babies, I'm not terribly grossed out by poop stories, and I'll look at baby pictures till the cows come home.

But if you feel your friends aren't interesting any more, why don't you help them out a little? I'm sure deep down they're bored out of their skulls (especially the stay-at-home parent) and would treasure some adult conversation once in a while. Why don't you give them a good book every once in a while, or make a deal to watch the same TV show or movie every week so you'll have something to talk about?

(Can you tell I'm only twenty and none of my close friends have had kids yet? :D )

[dangermom]

I think a lot of the people posting here are stay-at-homes, tsarina--I am, anyway, and I seem to recall that others of these names are too. Staying home isn't inherently boring; like any job, it's what you make of it that counts. I personally enjoy it very much.

Many of my good friends are also staying home with their kids, and are very interesting people. It's those few--whether they have paying jobs or not--who just can't seem to shut up about their kids that are being vented on here. Try to talk about something else, and they'll turn back to their kids. Go to a book club meeting, and they'll talk about their kids. Take them out to lunch, and you'll hear about what their kid likes, hates, and is allergic to. (The Kidlet, btw, is allergic to peanuts and kiwifruit. :p).

I do talk with my friends about our kids quite a lot; we enjoy trading interesting stories and watching them develop. But we have lots of other interests, too, and our children are not the only thing we ever talk about.

Now, it's true that one of the people I know who talks only about her little boy probably does it because he's just about the only nice thing in her life. She lives for him because the rest of her life is an utter mess. (Yes, many people are helping her.) Others, however, just won't talk about anything else.

[Bad News Baboon]

Zette,

what kinda mommy are you?

no pictures?!

I am FCM's nightmare...the enabler!

I know some people can be really obnoxious when they have some major life change. What you say about people talking ad nauseum about their kids can apply to anything, really: the born again Christian, the guy with the zillion tattoos, the animae fangirl, etc...

I think that it is easy to get sucked into the whole thing. Some people you can't help (or have no inclination to help). Others, such as friends, perhaps need not so gentle reminders that there are other things in life.

I think that people get sucked into living vicariously through their kids.

[KSO]

I have three close friends with children under the age of three. The first is pretty normal still, and open about how annoying her child can be at times.

The second is a slave to her child. That kid rules the house with an iron fist. The slightest deviation from widdle pwincess's routine is a recipe for hours of crying and ineffectual attempts at placating the child.

The last one is actually the most annoying--it's less that she constantly talks about her kids and more that her world has shrunk down to (a) the kids, (b) Oprah, and (c) the baby weight she's still carrying. Also, she has the incredibly rude habit of talking to her kid while she's on the phone with me. It would be one thing if the kid was about to harm herself but that's not the case. Also, she believes that sending her 2 year old to a "school" that costs an obscene amount of money is necessary for her kid to be (I'm quoting here) "a rocket scientist." BUT, when the kid isn't in school, she's watching TV--I'm not kidding. The TV is on in that house from the minute the child eats breakfast until she goes to bed. I think they read to her before bed but I'm not sure. Suffice it to say I think some of her parenting choices are odd and inconsistent, to say the least.

[zuma]

Hrm... I'd think there was some sort of chemical reaction which goes on in the brain of a mother which makes her hell-bent on her kid, to the exclusion of everything else (friends, job, husband life).

The thing that shoots my theory down is that the dads are quite often exhibiting the same symptoms. I mean it is one thing if the brain-addled mother rattles on and on about poopy diapers, but it's another when the dad does the same. Of course the dads are also quite into abusing/killing the kids and wives later on, so I don't know.

[FairyDust]

Years ago before I got married and started a family I attended an afterwork going-away party for a beloved coworker who was leaving to start at a new job. We had just finished putting in a full day's work and were looking forward to a pleasant evening at this restaurant to bid farewell to the guest of honor. Imagine my surprise when suddenly I see a hand holding a HUGE stack of photos thrust inches from my face. I look up. It's a coworker who recently became a dad. He told me to look at these photos of his baby and pass them along before everyone got their hands dirty with food.

My thoughts then:

1. This evening is about the guest of honor, NOT your baby.

2. I would NEVER shove photos of my baby in anyone's face. It's one thing if someone ASKS to see the photos, but I'd never just shove them at anyone.

3. Do you HAVE to bring so MANY photos? I'd be willing to look at the best THREE pictures, but SPARE me the whole roll of film's worth.

So what did I do? I politely looked the first half-dozen in the stack, then smiled and handed the stack to the person on my right. I don't think the dad liked what I did. He muttered something under his breath, not sure what, but I don't care.

[SpazCat]

Fairydust, I admire your restraint in not spilling drinks all over the stack of pictures.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by Bad News Baboon
I did a search for "perfect child" and the results were a staggering 2,096! You counted all of them?? :eek:

You actually got me curious so I ran the same search. You can't blame me for all of that because those words come up a mess o'times in Great Debates, where I almost never venture. I opened a couple of the other threads and discovered that both words showed up, but not together and not posted by me, so nyah nyah nyah! :p

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I got to thinking about a coworker I had in Virginia. She'd just had one kid. She raved and gushed about him constantly. I finally saw him for the first time at a division picnic. What an amazingly out-of-control brat he was! Momma and Daddy and Grandma were bending over backwards to cater to the little monster. I was relieved when she was reassigned to a different section and I wasn't subjected to her any longer. But I do feel sorry for the kid. He's in for a shock when he gets into the world and discovers it doesn't revolve around him after all!!

[Jonathan Chance]

Yeah, but it was plausible, wasn't it?

[Apollyon]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
The father I spoke of above likes to send one email a week with at least five huge pictures of his kid in it.

It takes up a ton of space and takes forever to download...
Good grief. Don't these people know how to make web-sites... with thumbnails. :D

You could suggest it jarbabyj and then he could just mail you the link... once.

[Bad News Baboon]

Originally posted by FairyChatMom
You counted all of them?? :eek:


;)

It sounded like a good scientific number:

2,000 is too round a number.

[jayjay]

Originally posted by Abe Babe
"Here's one of Joey running around the house naked except for underwear on his head."
Having seen a pic or two of Mr. Jar, I have to say that I'd be perfectly happy to get weekly emails with photos of him running around naked except for underwear on his head... :D

Just kidding, just kidding! jarbaby, put that five iron away...OUCH!

[JayElle]

I had a very good friend from the time I was 12, but after she had a baby she became a different person. I tried, I swear I really did! I cooed over pictures, I listened to stories, I played with the baby, but there was never any adult interaction with my friend. No conversations that didn't center around her child, no just-us-two Saturday lunches (why can't your husband occasionally watch your little girl so we can chat?), absolutely no activity that did not involve little "Darlina."

The funniest moment was when she invited me over to a New Years Eve party, BYOB. All right! I showed up with my beer and party hat in hand to discover a group of moms and babies in the living room, drinking tea, and having a prayer meeting.

I hate it, but our interaction has boiled down to her mass e-mailed glurge and fresh copies of toddler photos six times a year. We've moved so far in different directions, that I don't know that we'll ever have a connection again. :(

[Velma]

Originally posted by Bad News Baboon

ah hahaha! I kid ya FCM. You probably don't mention your kid nearly as much as I do my dogs.


What's that you say? You want to see my baby (http://www.geocities.com/wendydyba/slides/dody/dody.gif) snuggled in the laundry? aw shucks, ok!

;)

awww. Woookie the ittle baby!
here's my baby (http://community.webshots.com/photo/59357854/64691796sCVZhr)

[Scarlett67]

Urgh. I've been peeking in on this thread now and then, but someone on one of my professional lists is really getting to me. She cannot post without mentioning one or both of her darling girls. They're so smart. They're so precious. Look at the story she wrote! Listen to the pithy comment she made! I'm so glad I work at home so I can spend more time fawning over my precious widdle angels!! I AM MOMMY, HEAR ME ROAR!

Excuse me while I vomit. This list is for talking about WORK, not about our itsy bitsy cutesy little snuggumses. <barf>

(Next week's victim: You, yeah you, the one who has to add a postscript about your latest hobby activities at the end of EVERY STINKIN' MESSAGE)

[BoBettie]

Originally posted by Velma
awww. Woookie the ittle baby!
here's my baby (http://community.webshots.com/photo/59357854/64691796sCVZhr)

Man, you all must have balls the size of grapefruit to be posting pictures of your supposed "little darlings" in a thread that is decrying that very thing! Of all the selfish, silly.....what?....my doggies? Oh, I couldn't. Really. This isn't the time or....

http://fff.fathom.org/pages/zette/yoda.jpg
http://fff.fathom.org/pages/zette/amos.jpg