Dream On, Fattie!!

[jesseboy]

The other day i visited a friend who works in a small store in the mall. While i was there, this fatass chubby girl who also works there was checking me out. I didn't really notice it at the time, most likely because i don't pay attention to fat girls. But the next time i talk to my friend he tells me that the girl approached him about me and told him she thinks i'm hot.

My friend didn't waste his time asking me a question like, 'Would u get with her?', because he knew it would be simply pointless--knowing full well i would never get with a phattie like that. (Nor would he, of course.) We had a good laugh over this, then moved on.

But it got me to thinking, where does a fatass like that get off asking out someone who is thin and trim? She wasn't grotesquely obese, but she was up there, trust me. Especially in contrast to my svelte and able body. Don't these fat people realize they shouldn't be asking out people who weigh hundreds of pounds less than them? They are only letting themselves down, really.

Let me not be wrong, though-i love fat people. I do, really! They never fail to put a smile on my face and make me feel good about being healthy and thin. I cannot deny the quick, cheap thrill of seeing a cow lumber past me, when i go to the supermarket, for example.

Am i a shallow asshole for thinking all of this? Perhaps. But don't u guys think fat people should stick to their own weight class, so to speak?

[Kal]

A woman with a fat body is much preferable to a jerk with a fat head.

[Gary Kumquat]

Originally posted by jesseboy
But don't u guys think fat people should stick to their own weight class, so to speak?

Interesting question. Do you think that you should stick to dating idiots?

[LouisB]

Am i a shallow asshole for thinking all of this? Perhaps. Not perhaps. Yes. Absolutely. Shallow. Asshole. Yes. Not perhaps. Definitely a shallow asshole, perhaps the shallowest asshole ever.

[Woeg]

To call you a shallow asshole would be an insult to shallow assholes the world over. You, sir, go well beyond the meager insult of shallow asshole...in fact, I severely doubt that words exist that could describe the level of stupidity and worthlessness that you display in your words. Does it make you feel better to insult another person so tastelessly? Do you find that the only validation you can feel for your own pitiful existance is in the fact that you can make fun of other people for being different than you? If so, I pity you...it must be truly painful to hate yourself so much that you have to be so cruel towards others in order to feel better about yourself. What a shame.

[Einmon]

:: Looking for irony ::
:: Checking for signs of intelligent life ::

[doctor's voice]

I'm afraid it's a troll, ma'am.

[/doctor's voice]

[Marlitharn]

My first thought was, DNFTT. However, on looking back at some of the OP's previous posts, I noted that they were pretty innocuous, some even helpful, and therefore his user habits do not fit the profile of the typical shit-stirrer.

Which leads me to the conclusion that it's difficult to fit a stirrer up your ass when your head is taking up all the room.

[ultress]

WOW, you did that girl the biggest favor you could have ever done in your life by not giving her the time of day. Why let her waste her time when she could find a real human male. You, sir, are in for a long, rough, unhappy life. I doubt that after a few words you would attract ANY kind of real woman. Then again you sound like you are all of maybe 14-16 years old so you have plenty of time for someone to work the stupidity out of you. A tough job but I'm sure someone will most definitely do it.

[Ben Hicks]

Looks like the OP's trying to WHOOSH us folks. I doubt it's a deliberate troll with lines as obvious as "Don't these fat people realize they shouldn't be asking out people who weigh hundreds of pounds less than them?".

[Gary Kumquat]

Erm Ben, that would be making a false post to get a reaction. That's not good.

[Caught@Work]

Your location of NJ obviously stands for New Jerkoff, 'cos that's exactly what your destined to do with an attitude like that, you skinny, fuckless, wanker.

[Deadly Nightlight]

Originally posted by jesseboy
Am i a shallow asshole for thinking all of this?

Yes

But don't u guys think fat people should stick to their own weight class, so to speak?

You know what you are so right! As a fat chick I should date only fat men! I have no clue how I didn't see this before! Thank you for opening my eyes!

Better yet, as a fat black woman, I should date only fat black men!
Oh wait, I Forgot to add that I am also short- So I guess I should only date short fat black men! Lets not forget social status- as I am a complete nerd and broke most days, So All you short, fat, black men, that are nerds and are broke, HERE I AM! We need to get together as we are all apparently in the same "class"

But what happens if I lose weight and my beloved short fat black nerdy broke black man doesn't? Guess he has to go as we are no longer the same class. :smack:

You know what. the Op might be on to something- we should all just stick to our own "kind" Diversity? what the hell is that? and who cares anyway? The Op is nothing short of genius :rolleyes:

[Caught@Work]

Actually, I would like to add something more:

From this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=3127703#post3127703

i was a skinny assclown in those days
Those days are obviously only a few days ago ... and Assclown is too nice of a thing to call yourself, but I lack the vitriol to come up with anything better at the moment.

[Ben Hicks]

Yeah, I can see how this could easily be interpreted (please note I don't say misinterpreted) as a troll but I think that in light of the great many Pit threads which have seriously espoused the fat=ugly philosophy of the OP, flamebait this blatent could well be a parody of previous threads. I must concede though, that there haven't been any fat=ugly threads for a couple of months.

On the other hand the OP could just be trying to generally mock that shallow sort of attitude.

I could very well be dead wrong but, I dunno...gut instinct tells me it's a parody. I'd give it the benefit of the doubt until the OP decides to clarify.

[Ben Hicks]

P.S. - Either way this thread was definately a mistake. If it is a parody the OP should have tried to make that clearer.

[Angua]

jesseboy, Fuck you. Sideways. With a large wooden spoon. 'Cause its the only way you will ever get any.

Overweight does not, and never has equalled ugly. Trust me, I should know. I'm not "slim" by any definition, but all the guys I've ever dated have been. And yes - they had initiated it. I'm not slim - a UK size 14, but on more than one occasion I've been called "cute, gorgeous, sexy, beautiful" etc, by slim, trim, svelte, sexy men.

So, fuck you, you fuckwitted cum for brains idiot. The girl had a lucky escape.

[Michael Ellis]

jesseboy, you're a fucking [i]customized[i] tool!

[Michael Ellis]

Oh bugger.

[lee]

This sounds nearly word for word like something recently on the Daily Show.

[Tristan]

I'm voting for parody thread.

If not, this guy has stirred up one of the "Untouchable Bannable Subjects".

[Caught@Work]

Parodies must have a link back to the thread they are parodying, so unless dickwad here doesn't know the freakin' rules, he isn't parodying.

[Coldfire]

Oh my, now here's a kid that bears a little investigation.

[j_kat_251]

Oh for fucks sake. He's the doctor with the hammer and you're the dumb bastards don't even realize you're being manipulated.

Especially in contrast to my svelte and able body.

Who talks like that, really? That post was the funniest thing I had read in WEEKS, goddamn it. Two thumbs up.

[yosemite]

I am not for one minute taking the OP at face value. True, he is writing the exact thing that many people truly think and believe, but he is (in my opinion) being too transparent. The ones that sincerely believe this kind of shit try to cover up their attitude with a few careless disclaimers. The OP doesn't really try to do that, or at least not well enough.

[jesseboy]

Half parody, half serious. But it is not a troll! I am aware of the other threads, but i had no clue this would exact such violent reaction so quickly.

It is half serious b/c this this did in fact happen and i remember thinking to myself "Hmmm...that girl actually thought she had a shot with me...interesting." Who here has never had a thought like in a similar situation?

But it is also a parody-do u honestly think i would write lines such as: "i love fat people. I do, really! They never fail to put a smile on my face and make me feel good about being healthy and thin. I cannot deny the quick, cheap thrill of seeing a cow lumber past me, when i go to the supermarket, for example.",... in pure earnest?
God, what kind of a monster do u think i am? Come on, people. Look at my other threads-i am not a trouble maker.

I guess this is a taboo subject that one cannot mess around with, even in parody. If this pisses off the Mods, i am sorry.

[GingerOfTheNorth]

jesseboy, I think you're full of shit. Nice try, though.

[Deadly Nightlight]

Oh no! Don't back off now! Thanks to you I have seen the error of my ways, In fact. S.F.N.B.B. Man And I really want to thank you for explaining how it should all work.

[SkeptiJess]

"Hmmm...that girl actually thought she had a shot with me...interesting." Who here has never had a thought like in a similar situation?

Well, I've never had a similar thought. I'm an old married lady now, but back in my single days I was occasionally asked out or chatted up by unattractive guys. This still happens once in a while, BTW, despite my advanced age. However, I have never, EVER thought, "Wow, he thought he had a chance with me?" Never. Of course, maybe I'm not as 'hot' as you must be.


Either that or I'm not a shallow, egotistical dickwad.

[Cubsfan]

Its amazing how you can tell someones post count simply by the title of the thread. I knew as soon as I saw the title of this thread that this cat hadn't been around long and had less then 50 posts.

2 words that are guarunteed to get you fucked on this board: Fattie and Faggot.

[j_kat_251]

Lard brigade, lard brigade
Don't piss them off or you'll be flayed
Welts on your ass, you really deserve it
If you chase those chubbies then you're probably a pervert

Lard brigade, lard brigade
They drink Coke instead of Powerade
Who are we to tell them how to be?
Some of them look freaky but that could just be me.

Rosie O'Donnell, Rosie O'Donnell
Sexually attractive? That's just wrong-el
Pisspoor rhyming, shitty meter
Poem about voracious eater

Braxton Bragg, Braxton Bragg
The SDMB sending jesse home in a bodybag
Gone Chattanooga on your ass
You dared make fun of a fatass, alas

Rhyming dictionary, rhyming dictionary
Iambic pentameter is totally unnecessary
And so is having rhymes that scan
I'm doing the best that I possibly can

Really fat people, really fat people
McDonalds their church, golden arches their steeple
What the fuck? What the fuck?
So hungry they could eat a toilet duck*

No point to this tale, no point to this tale
Except to say... goddamn, that was one big whale
Drinking ale, posting bail, Hellen Keller read in Braille
So much padding, they aren't frail, jesse my boy I must say vale

Because you're fucked, you truly are
Enemies for life - you've left a scar
On the hearts of the guys that can't be weighed
Except in tons - the lard brigade.


* a toilet duck is a blue freshener type thing you place at a strategic location in your shitter.

[Hamadryad]

I guess this is a taboo subject that one cannot mess around with, even in parody. If this pisses off the Mods, i am sorry.

Well, it was actually LESS assholish than some other OPs on the subject, so it's not particularly obvious that it's a parody.

Which subject do you think is taboo? Dating? Fat people? Or "I can't believe a fat person would be so completely and utterly clueless and stupid as to think that I would ever lower myself to going out on a...a...a DATE with her?" I don't know that I would say that subject is taboo; I'd just say that the person who utters that phrase - or one like it - has made everyone on the planet slightly stupider by existing on it with them.

I doubt the mods are pissed, really; just warily and wearily keeping their eyes open to see if you start any more "parody" threads that are virtually indistinguishable from trolling posts. However, I'm pretty sure - only pretty sure, but still - that every regular user who's read this thread would fail to mourn if you suffered a minor disaster which rendered you incapable of reproducing.

I was just going to report the OP to a mod, but since you've insisted that you're not trolling, I have to assume that you're merely a waste of skin. Also, I have nothing against high schoolers...but you might consider cutting down on your mall time and doing a little bit of work on your interpersonal relationships.

I don't KNOW that this....person is in high school, but what with being at the mall, abbreviating "you" to "u," and trendily replacing "f" with "ph," it seems like a good way to bet.

[Deadly Nightlight]

If there really is a Lard Brigade can I be a captain :D

[Tristan]

jesseboy- It's not the mods you have to worry about. It's the other members, and what they are going to react to. Stinkpalm is right, there are certain topics that are 'hotbutton' issues that if brought up, will cause a shitstorm.

Any negative portrayal of overweight or "unattractive" people is a big one. There are a lot of people here with strong personalities who are also overweight, and they take anything generic about being overweight as a personal attack. It would be in your best interest to remember this. Even though you may be right, the vast majority of people in your age range probably think just like you posted, but it's still not a good thing to discuss publicly.

The other sterotype to avoid would be homosexuality, or anything negative of it. There are several very openly gay Dopers who will lead an uphill charge with the Rainbow Banner to combat bigotry and prejudice (and good on them, says I) when they see it here. The problem, of course, is that some of them take things a tad to seriously.... but that is the cost of being a warrior for a cause.

[TwistofFate]

You're going to be a hit out in the real world.

[Deadly Nightlight]

Originally posted by Tristan
jesseboy- It's not the mods you have to worry about. It's the other members, and what they are going to react to. Stinkpalm is right, there are certain topics that are 'hotbutton' issues that if brought up, will cause a shitstorm.

Any negative portrayal of overweight or "unattractive" people is a big one. There are a lot of people here with strong personalities who are also overweight, and they take anything generic about being overweight as a personal attack. It would be in your best interest to remember this. Even though you may be right, the vast majority of people in your age range probably think just like you posted, but it's still not a good thing to discuss publicly.

The other sterotype to avoid would be homosexuality, or anything negative of it. There are several very openly gay Dopers who will lead an uphill charge with the Rainbow Banner to combat bigotry and prejudice (and good on them, says I) when they see it here. The problem, of course, is that some of them take things a tad to seriously.... but that is the cost of being a warrior for a cause.

I was just getting ready to make a joke about the "charge of the lard brigade" when I read this.

I personally do not care if he finds fat people attractive or not- But I do have issues with his statement about how fat people should only stay with fat people. I refuse to believe that alot of skinny people have the same views as Jesse, I was once a skinny person( well alot skinnier than I am now) and I never thought like that, nor would it appear any of my friends, boyfirends, or family. We could possibly be the minority though.

[yosemite]

Tristan wrote:

There are a lot of people here with strong personalities who are also overweight, and they take anything generic about being overweight as a personal attack. "Generic"? Generic assholishness, you mean? I don't think that jessieboy was talking about any fattie on this board, but I do think that he's got a sucky attitude. It's a sucky attitude when someone spouts off about their disdain for any particular group of people, even in a "generic" way.

A lot of us will let someone know when we think they are being mean-spirited. It doesn't have to mean that we are being a "warrior for the cause", or that we take things too seriously—sometimes it just means that we don't tolerate assholes very well.

[80sHairMetalMaven]

People people people!Didn't you see the sign?*points to the sign,writ in HUGE print*
Do not feed the Trolls

IDBB

[Hamadryad]

Originally posted by I_Dig_Bad_Boys
People people people!Didn't you see the sign?*points to the sign,writ in HUGE print*
Do not feed the Trolls

IDBB
Yeah...you assiduous rules-follower, you.

Nice sig.

[80sHairMetalMaven]

*bows*Thanks,Hama.
I read the OP,bit my lip and didn't take the so-well placed bait and said what needed to be said.That's all.No need to get snarky about it.:)

IDBB

[TwistofFate]

Nice sig.

IDBB, did you not take Lynn's advice when she asked you to shorten your sig?

[Trion]

Originally posted by jesseboy

God, what kind of a monster do u think i am?

Well, others have decided what kind of monster they think you are. They think you're a troll. I'm don't agree. I think you just aren't smart enough to tackle this subject.

Personally, I think a skilled comedian can successfully make humorous comment on the subject of being overweight. You, sir, are not a skilled comedian.

[Diane]

Uh . . . . IDBB?

Nevermind. :rolleyes:

[CrazyCatLady]

Oh, nobody thinks you're a monster. We think you're a stupid, shallow, asshat. There's a subtle but important difference there. We also think it's incredibly arrogant to be so dismissive of someone you feel is below you, especially as we doubt that you're nearly as attractive as you seem to think you are.

Let me try to put this in a way you can understand. [Puts hand on hip, does Rikki-Lake-guest head-bobble-finger-wave-thing] Bitch, you ain't all that!

[World Eater]

wow, what a fucked up OP. Here's hoping Jesseboy has a short life around here.

[if you don't know i won't tell]

Well this was unexpected this morning. No I've never thought that. And I'm a high school student myself. I wouldn't even consider thinking such a thing. And you're very silly for believing that physical aspects like that should decide who you date. Gave me a laugh, you remind me of a guy I used to know. Hence used to. Really though, you should be more careful about how you word things. I'm not talking political correctness, I'm talking being over-the-top in a trollish sort of manner. If you had a question about dating, and how people judge each other, fine, but you should've worded it differently.

[RickJay]

The OP is a joke. It MUST be a joke. NOBODY is stupid enough to present such a gigantic target.

Right?

[Clint in Wichita]

jesseboy,

Don't you realize that you shoudl go out with her, even if it disgusts you you, simply because she's fat, and to refuse a date with her makes you an asshole?

BTW, funny post. I had no idea that fat people had such a problem with humor.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Dont' be to hard on him folks.

I can only assume his attitude about larger folks is an attempt to make himself feel better about his small, ugly, worm-like penis.

Humm - actually it looks like Clint suffers from the same problem.

[Clint in Wichita]

Originally posted by alice_in_wonderland
Dont' be to hard on him folks.

I can only assume his attitude about larger folks is an attempt to make himself feel better about his small, ugly, worm-like penis.

Humm - actually it looks like Clint suffers from the same problem.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself! ;)

[Janx]

When come back bring pie...

[Janx]

Einmon wrote:

:: Looking for irony ::
:: Checking for signs of intelligent life ::

[doctor's voice]

I'm afraid it's a troll, ma'am.

[/doctor's voice]

BWaHAHAHAhahaaaa!

[Ethilrist]

As funny as you may have thought you were, as tongue-in-cheek as you may have meant it, I still think that a few years down the road you're likely to find yourself in the situation of looking back on this and seeing what a total dork you're coming across as.

Nursing a formerly-petite wife through a pregnancy, for example.

[TaxGuy]

Jesus. Sometimes I feel like this board is divided between the uptight fat people, the uptight gay people, and the uptight Jesus people on the one hand, and the rest of us normal folks on the other. (Notice that I'm saying that there are fat people, gay people, and Jesus people that are NOT uptight, and are therefore part of us normal folks.)

Let's all take a deep breath here.

If all of the lawyers here started a flame war every time someone said something "insensitive" about lawyers, the much beloved hamsters would surely need a hip replacement or something, and all of the non-lawyers would be very tired of it.

[Lord Ashtar]

Originally posted by jesseboy
Am i a shallow asshole for thinking all of this? Perhaps. But don't u guys think fat people should stick to their own weight class, so to speak?

I can't believe nobody else got to this first!

[comic book guy]Shallowest. Asshole. Ever.[/comic book guy]

[Sapphire Wolf]

Originally posted by jesseboy
"Hmmm...that girl actually thought she had a shot with me...interesting." Who here has never had a thought like in a similar situation?

Apparently my husband hasn't. I mean, he married me, and I'm not exactly Miss America material. No way would I be winning any swimwear contests.

Not that I'd be entering, mind you.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Just curious -- has anyone seen Clint say anything the least bit useful, or friendly, or intelligent? I've not, but maybe he's a big contributor in General Questions or something.

Daniel

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Just curious -- has anyone seen Clint say anything the least bit useful, or friendly, or intelligent? I've not, but maybe he's a big contributor in General Questions or something.

Daniel

[TwistofFate]

Originally posted by TaxGuy

Let's all take a deep breath here.

If all of the lawyers here started a flame war every time someone said something "insensitive" about lawyers, the much beloved hamsters would surely need a hip replacement or something, and all of the non-lawyers would be very tired of it.

Riiiight. Flaming someone who is unfunny and offensive is being uptight.

Remind me to say that the next time you are offended by something on the board.

[TaxGuy]

Originally posted by TwistofFate
Riiiight. Flaming someone who is unfunny and offensive is being uptight.

Remind me to say that the next time you are offended by something on the board.

Um, first, I probably won't be "offended" by anything posted on this board because I don't get offended all that easily. Second, if I ever am offended, you probably won't know about it because I see little purpose in piping up and saying "Color me offended" just for the hell of it. I don't believe the argument that such piping counts as "fighting ignorance" either; I think that people that raise their hand to register offense just get some little thrill out of what they feel is righteous indignation.

[Guinastasia]

Originally posted by jesseboy


Am i a shallow asshole for thinking all of this? Perhaps. But don't u guys think fat people should stick to their own weight class, so to speak?


Are you? Yes, absolutely. Not only that-that "phattie" can always lose weight. But assholes are forever.


:rolleyes:

[elf6c]

Originally posted by DanielWithrow
Just curious -- has anyone seen Clint say anything the least bit useful, or friendly, or intelligent? I've not, but maybe he's a big contributor in General Questions or something.

Daniel

Nope.

[Kal]

Originally posted by DanielWithrow
Just curious -- has anyone seen Clint say anything the least bit useful, or friendly, or intelligent?No.

[Tony Montana]

Fat & skinny went to bed, fat rolled over and skinny was dead....

[Duke]

Originally posted by TaxGuy
uptight Jesus people Must...resist....urge....nah, fuck it.

BAND NAME!

Anyway, regarding the OP: You can't have it both ways--there's no such thing as a "half-troll" here. Especially when you're writing an OP which is just begging to get your ass handed to you by 99.9% of the Board.

[Surreal]

Okay, so the OP is 'shallow'. So are most people. People discriminate against others based on their physical appearance. It could be because they're overweight, underweight, too short, too tall, whatever. What's the big deal? If a person doesn't want anything to do with you because of the way you look, move on.

I think the OP just said aloud what a lot of people secretly think but keep to themselves. You can try to control what people say, but you're not going to control what they think.

[Dravin]

Don't these fat people realize they shouldn't be asking out people who weigh hundreds of pounds less than them? They are only letting themselves down, really.


I know, I mean since the dawn of mankind somebody who could be considered fat has never hit it off with somebody would could be considered skinny, it's like against the laws of nature man!

:rolleyes:

[Demise]

Originally posted by DanielWithrow
Just curious -- has anyone seen Clint say anything the least bit useful, or friendly, or intelligent?

Nope.

I've not, but maybe he's a big contributor in General Questions or something.

Ha. Yeah right.

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Guinastasia
assholes are forever.

Wan't that a James Bond film?

[DeVena]

Hello everyone!

Uptight Fat Woman here! Very defensive about my size and will be the first to waddle up the hill carrying the flag of my cause. (Running is out of the question at my size.) Queen of the Lard Brigade (I think I'll have to add that to my sig.) My my We're all a bit testy this morning.

Is the OP Shallow? Definately - but that typically goes with being a teenager, for that matter. This is why I never dated anyone under 21. (Did I mention that I started dating at 15 - so much for fat girls only dating within their species.)

But being so nasty makes him an asshat. Personally, I hope he develops severe acne or warts or something. Nothing permanent, mind you. Just enough that he'll know what it's like to be ridiculed and then get better and be a better human being for having gone through it. Pain builds character.

So yep, the OP is nothing more than a teenage asshat. He'll grow up eventually.

Oh and sweetie? I hope you can read latin...

[TwistofFate]

Originally posted by TaxGuy
Um, first, I probably won't be "offended" by anything posted on this board because I don't get offended all that easily. Second, if I ever am offended, you probably won't know about it because I see little purpose in piping up and saying "Color me offended" just for the hell of it. I don't believe the argument that such piping counts as "fighting ignorance" either; I think that people that raise their hand to register offense just get some little thrill out of what they feel is righteous indignation.

It has to be challenged. If even one comment makes him rethink his opinions on how he judges people, then ignorance is fought.

Rather than take it as a compliment that someone found him attractive, he was confused that an overweight person thought they might have a chance with him. If he finds overweight people unattractive people, thats his preference. Noone here demands that he should.

However, just because he is not overweight does not give him grounds to build himself into an ivory tower. Everybody has prejudices. They are built into society. Its how you react to them that counts.

[TwistofFate]

Oh, and Clint is a fuckknuckle.

[TaxGuy]

Originally posted by TwistofFate
Everybody has prejudices. They are built into society. Its how you react to them that counts.
Word. I'm saying that how people react here is by bitching and moaning for pages and pages, saying the exact same thing, over and over, and then over again, and everyone that's the slightest bit overweight or has an overweight SO/friend/pet/boss/realtor/tax lawyer has to pipe up and say "I'm offended" simply to get something off of their chest in a way that doesn't enlighten or amuse or do anything to anybody else.

Which brings up the more general point that if you're posting just to please yourself (i.e., you are trying to get something off your chest rather than actually communicate something to someone), then either start an MPSIMS thread or hit back instead of submit. On many occasions I've written something, then, upon reading it before submitting it, I've decided that I just really wanted to say that, and anyone tha read it would think "Ok, great, thanks for that, I guess he just needed to get that off his chest."

All of these Pipers are like hecklers at a speech.

[Abe Babe]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Janx
When come back bring pie... [/


Make it a bag of carrots for me. I'm watching my figure.

[butter pie]

Originally posted by jesseboy
It is half serious b/c this this did in fact happen and i remember thinking to myself "Hmmm...that girl actually thought she had a shot with me...interesting." Who here has never had a thought like in a similar situation?

I know exactly what you mean, dear. I often have had the same thought about the occasional guys, who seem to think that just because they're skinny and good looking, they'd have a chance with me. Of course they'd never have a chance with me in a million billion years because they invariably turn out to be cocky, shallow, self-centered assholes.

[Stoid]

Originally posted by CrazyCatLady

Let me try to put this in a way you can understand. [Puts hand on hip, does Rikki-Lake-guest head-bobble-finger-wave-thing] Bitch, you ain't all that!

What if he were? Would it make his attitude any more acceptable? His attractiveness or lack thereof is utterly beside the point, don't you think? And isn't attacking his relative attractiveness sorta getting down and playing in his mud?

[CrazyCatLady]

People are never as attractive as they think they are, simply because the attitude of "Oh, boy, I'm hot shit!" makes them unattractive. The OP could be Richard Gere wrapped up in Tom Cruise, rolled into a Brad Pitt coating, and his bad attitude would still make him ugly as fuck. Why on Earth he thinks an asshat like himself would stand a chance with an actual human being, I don't really understand.

I was just trying to put it into a) small words and b) an idiotic attitude to so the OP wouldn't have to strain himself too hard to understand. (I was also trying to be funny, but apparently it didn't work.)

[iampunha]

I just today wrote/read a speech about something related to this. Let me quote myself directly:D:

"First: being overweight, unless you are unable to walk or see your feet, is not going to kill you. Yes, it may cause health problems for you when your grandchildren are in their teens, but even people who live in thir 20s to be fit in their 70s develop heealth problems. Most human beings, however healthy they try to be, don't hit 80 years old. Many don't hit 70 or 60. The way you eat si very unlikely to drastically lower your quality of life. So instead of working to lose those annoying extra five pounds, realize you are probably the only one who is bothered by them. Your employer most likely doesn't care as long as you do your job well. Your significant other shouldn't care. So eat the foods you like. As long as they aren't full of arsenic or shrapnel, and your diet doesn't consist solely of chocolate and deep-fried fat, you're pretty much set. Ignore what the media tell you about what beauty is, because they're under the mistaken impression that people should look like either wire coat hangers or walking muscles. Those are extremes of the body types that exist, and starving yourself to be the same size you were they you were ten isn't just stupid, it's not healthy."

[3trew]

But I really like shrapnel! Oh, wait, those are Grape Nuts...

[Guinastasia]

Originally posted by Stoid
What if he were? Would it make his attitude any more acceptable? His attractiveness or lack thereof is utterly beside the point, don't you think? And isn't attacking his relative attractiveness sorta getting down and playing in his mud?


But see, that's just it, Stoid. The very fact that he's an asshole is what makes him unattractive. He could be an exact duplicate of Goran Visnjic, and I'd STILL find him about as attractive and sexy as Adolf Hitler's corpse.


As long as they aren't full of arsenic or shrapnel, and your diet doesn't consist solely of chocolate and deep-fried fat, you're pretty much set.


Patrick, what if my diet consists solely of chocolate that was deep-fried in fat?

(I'd better break the bad news to Lissla! LOL!)

[Einmon]

Originally posted by DeVena
Oh and sweetie? I hope you can read latin...

Hehe...good joke :D

[DeVena]

Thanks, I have my moments...

And iampunha is a god in my eyes.

[Mearl Dox]

:eek:

My dreams of romance with the OP... RUINED!

*sob*

Oh, wait, I don't know or care anything about him. Heh.

Here's a clue why she thought she could get away with it--because she hasn't got low self-esteem. She knows she's a cool, valuable person and if you were worth dating, you wouldn't care about how fat she was. Clearly you are not worth dating, and she's going to be cool and relaxed and herself with someone better than you.

I'm overweight, but I haven't had a lot of trouble picking up girls since I left high school and my self-esteem improved. Just being confident counts for a lot, I think. Your flirter probably knew that. On the other hand, your rant/joke/whatever comes across as pathetically defensive. "Why did you flirt with me?! You have no business flirting with me! Oh my gosh! I'm not on the same dating level as a fat chick, am I?! I'm cool! I'm attractive! I am! I am I am I am!!"

Straightforward flirty girls of any shape are always more fun. :) Jerks of any shape are never fun.

[AntaresJB]

I have plenty I could say, really, because y'all know I'm a big girl. But I'm not going to bother too much, because there's really no point. If a guy thinks he's too good for me, then, for that very reason, I am too good for him, and he can kiss my big fat ass and move along.

As for the "fat people should date their own weight class" remark. I am 5'4" and a size US 22. My ex-boyfriend was over 6' tall and built like a heroin addict. And we each thought the other was absolutely gorgeous. So frankly, my dear, jesseboy, I'd suggest you just go fuck yourself, because with an attitude like that, you sure as hell ain't gonna get anyone else to do it.

[Stoid]

Well, after watching my beautiful, slim girlfriends get used, abused, and yanked around by a long succession of assholes, I gratefully realized that my big fat ass functioned as an extremely effective jerk filter.

[Aslan of Narnia]

Has she/he actaully admitted to a) being in high school or b) a teenager?

[j_kat_251]

Well, after watching my beautiful, slim girlfriends get used, abused, and yanked around by a long succession of assholes, I gratefully realized that my big fat ass functioned as an extremely effective jerk filter.

But how?

[DrLizardo]

Was a fattie in high school. Still not precisely svelt. Dated many incredible women -- women my slenderer friends couldn't get a look from. Why? I was nice, I listened, I was considerate, I ASKED... I also dated plenty of women who were overweight or otherwise not "pretty" as defined by the media... Looks was simply not my priority.

This is perhaps the one thing that could make me wish to return to high school... So I could steal all the OP's girlfriends.

ASIDE: My brother Patrick who came over for dinner with the fam is saying over my shoulder "he's probably queer anyway!" (I presume he's allowed to say that, since he is.)

Emilio

[faithfool]

Originally posted by Clint in Wichita
jesseboy,

Don't you realize that you shoudl go out with her, even if it disgusts you you, simply because she's fat, and to refuse a date with her makes you an asshole?

BTW, funny post. I had no idea that fat people had such a problem with humor.

Just out of curiousity......

PLEASE say you're not from Wichita, Texas.

PULEEZE!!!

I mean, we have so much to be famous for now as it is. :rolleyes:

[Biggirl]

Why is it just because a person isn't sexually attractive to you, it automatically means that person deserves contempt? Why, instead of being flattered that some girl thought he was worth checking over, our intrepid OP decided ridicule is more appropriate? Why do other people cheer on the contempt so zealously?

Because some people are emotionally stunted. That's my interpretation, anyway.

[Stoid]

Originally posted by j_kat_251
But how?

Shallow creeps never asked me out, because such creeps wouldn't ask a girl out who had my ass. That left just the really nice, smart, funny, sexy, kind, loving men to do so. Hence, jerk filter.

[RTFirefly]

Originally posted by CrazyCatLady
[B]People are never as attractive as they think they are, simply because the attitude of "Oh, boy, I'm hot shit!" makes them unattractive. The OP could be Richard Gere wrapped up in Tom Cruise, rolled into a Brad Pitt coating, and his bad attitude would still make him ugly as fuck. Why on Earth he thinks an asshat like himself would stand a chance with an actual human being, I don't really understand.::applauds::

[Satisfying Andy Licious]

This post is really setting off my parody-detection meter.
For one thing, guys, have you ever refered to yourself as "svelte"?
It doesn't count if your name is Hans and you said "Yah, I hit myself with de hammer and I svelte up real good."

[Pixiesnix]

All right, I'm coming out of the closet, er, pantry. I am a fattie. (Sorry, CrunchyFrog, but that naked in St. Louis thing would just scare you. ;) )

When I first started posting here after a loooong session of lurking, I was all too aware of my fragile newbie status. I have done my utmost to be kind, polite and helpful. I have been afraid of offending anyone for any reason. This will be my first deviance from that path.

jesseboy, parody or not, you are an asshole. You are an asshole more collossal than any belarded person you would snub. You are the first person on this board I have felt compelled to reply to in such a manner, and that's saying something. You are a fuckbubble in the first degree. Not only would a fattie like me have nothing to do with you, I would warn my fattie friends to avoid you like a rice cake. May you be condemned to a life of lonliness caused by your folly.

That's all I have to say, I wash my hands of him.

[Zenster]

You fucking asshole. Ever hear of something called the Golden Rule? You know, its about treating others the way you would like to be treated. Obviously you were asleep in class when they discussed it. Or maybe you're just brain dead instead.

Fortunately, all of the intelligent women who expect their mate to have the least iota of class will count you out in a few brief nanoseconds.

GET STUFFED.

[Zenster]

Originally posted by Lord Ashtar
I can't believe nobody else got to this first!

[comic book guy]Shallowest. Asshole. Ever.[/comic book guy] Damn your eyes, LA! I can't believe that splendid turn of phrase took so long to surface here either.

[jesseboy]

You people are fucking pathetic!! If u can't read the OP and not detect just a bit of sarcasm, facetiousness and deliberately over-the-top outrageousness then you must be as dense as a fucking brick wall. I layed it on pretty thick, at least i thought. This was just a joke-to procure a few laughs, that's all.

And who the fuck says this topic can't be used as something to make jokes about? What, you want me to start crying like a fucking baby 'cuz i offended some of you? I didn't write this to piss people off, just to make the people who might find it funny laugh. But i can see most of you are so fucking uptight and sensitive it's not even worth explaining myself.

Besides, let's be honest: Water seeks, and finds its own level. Are their exceptions? Of course...but they are the minority. You think i should give her a chance just to be *nice*? What is this, fucking courtesy class? I would be lying to myself and it would be unfair to her.



You may now return to your regularly scheduled bashing...

[Gary Kumquat]

Ooh, I like him. Anyone who can go from
Originally posted by jesseboy
This was just a joke-to procure a few laughs, that's all to Besides, let's be honest: Water seeks, and finds its own level...You think i should give her a chance just to be *nice*? in one post really is quite...special

Make your mind up sport, either it's a joke (and a shite one at that) or it's serious. Me, I'd say your little addendum about "water seeks it's own level" kind of gives away your hand.

[Kal]

This was just a joke-to procure a few laughs, that's all.As long as you realise that most of us are laughing at you, not with you.

[S. Mussberger]

Originally posted by jesseboy
I layed it on pretty thick, at least i thought. This was just a joke-to procure a few laughs, that's all.

Don't give up. Remember, practice makes perfect. Stay in there. Hang on. Keep the faith. Don't toss the axe into the lava lake...

[Mearl Dox]

"I am cool! I am cool! I am! You just don't get me! You suck! I'm funny and cool! You losers! Waaaah! Nobody likes me because I'm too cool for them!!"

Suck it up, you big baby. What did you expect, roses and congratulations?

[torben]

Originally posted by jesseboy
[B]You people are fucking pathetic!!

And you are a fucking dumbass! What's your point? Oh wait, to have a point you'd have to have a fucking clue. :rolleyes:

[yosemite]

Well, I take back what I said about the OP being facetous. Sure, he thought he was trying to just pull our leg, but this time, his ineffectual disclaimers ("water seeks its own level") tipped his hand. A part of him really believes this bullshit.

Oh well. I'm sure that many women that jessieboy would find attractive would not consider him on their "level", since they actually are looking for someone with a sense of good taste, tact and compassion.

[Aslan of Narnia]

The thing I don't get is why Jessieboy keeps on (paraphrasing) basically saying "Hey, it was a joke! Get a sense of humor!"* when almost everybody thinks he's a trolling moron and saying "Joke!"* won't change anything.

[b]JessieBoy[b]
It's not a very funny joke to some people and no matter if you post saying it was a joke over and over again, it won't (likely) change their mind about you in this thread.
So please, give it up.

*Note, this are not direct references. I'm not misquoting him, just giving the gist of what he said.

[yosemite]

True, it's not a very funny joke, but the thing that is getting people disgusted with jessieboy is how he keeps on digging himself in deeper, and deeper. He just can't let it go. Had he simply said from the beginning, "Hey, joke. Sorry y'all didn't get it" and left it at that, many of us would have reacted differently. But he kept on adding more comments about those fat people, and water rising to its level, blah blah blah, and now we've all got his number. Whether he is joking or not, it doesn't matter now. It's obvious that he still really believes this shit, at least somewhat. Nice.

[Trion]

Good job jesseboy. Why don't you tell us "It's a joke" a few more times. That always makes it funny.

Besides, let's be honest: Water seeks, and finds its own level.

Yes it does. Usually in the catagories of intelligence and emotional maturity. Which makes me think you should me looking for dates at Chuck E. Cheese's.

Nimrod.

[Aslan of Narnia]

I think that jesseboy's next post in this thread will show if he's a troll or not.

[Hamadryad]

You know, the first piece of spam I got *during* the WTC/Pentagon attacks was from FlyCheap.com, with great deals out of Boston and Washington, DC.

The piece of me that wasn't horrified giggled like a little schoolgirl.

However, I was not fucking brain-damaged enough to think that anyone else would share my amusement.

Unfortunately, I can't call the OP anything involving the words "fuck," "anus," "ass," or "shit," as any of these terms would imply that he's either fun, useful, or both.

I'll imply that he must have been born before 1973...or he likely wouldn't have been born at all. :D

[RTFirefly]

Originally posted by jesseboy
You think i should give her a chance just to be *nice*? What is this, fucking courtesy class? I would be lying to myself and it would be unfair to her. You should date only those you feel like dating (assuming they are willing to put up with you as well, of course), and if that means you only date slender women, or only blondes, or only women of Japanese descent, or only women with Brooklyn accents, be my guest. Though I don't really expect you to have any dates anytime soon other than your hand and some Internet porn.

I don't think you, or Clint, or TaxGuy, can find one person here who as said anything to the contrary. That straw man has already been abused until the stuffing has fallen out of him, 'kay?

The problem is your "the nerve of her, even thinking of trying to get something going with me" attitude.

First of all, it says that you believe that fat people are somehow inferior to the rest of humanity. That's pretty repulsive on your part, I admit, but if you kept quiet about it, you might be tolerable company for bona fide human beings.

But more to the point, as others have pointed out, you believe that their inferiority is so universally obvious that they ought to recognize it and 'mind their station,' so to speak: that fat people should implicitly recognize thin people as their betters, and not aspire to romances with us folk of normal weight.

As you said, after claiming the whole thing was a joke: Besides, let's be honest: Water seeks, and finds its own level. Are their exceptions? Of course...but they are the minority. I can't see much difference between your 'joke' and your serious statements. You may now return to your regularly scheduled bashing... Why bother? You aren't even worth the effort of thinking up creative new insults.

[Feynn]

jesseboy - I've gotta say I was giving you the benefit of the doubt for a little while there...

If water seeks it's own level, how do you explain how a total assclown like yourself manage to seep in here and foul the waters?

Just wondering, that's all.

[Aslan of Narnia]

psst.. what the hell is meant by 'water seeking it's own level'?

[Zenster]

In this case, "water seeking its own level" refers to how a walk through the ocean of jesseboy's soul would scarcely get your feet wet.

[DwGrumby]

Originally posted by Hamadryad

I'll imply that he must have been born before 1973...or he likely wouldn't have been born at all. :D

Hamadryad, can you imply a little harder for me, please? :)

(I was born August 19, 1972)

[Lynn Bodoni]

jesseboy is either trolling or terminally clueless. Either way, I don't want him around here any more.

And on a personal note, DrLizardo knows the way to a person's heart.

[DoctorJ]

Originally posted by Aslan2
psst.. what the hell is meant by 'water seeking it's own level'?

It's kind of like the old birds of a feather line. It means that like attracts like, that people of the same attitudes, or preferences, or "worth" tend to come together. In this case, it means that people stick in their own weight class, as the OP so eloquently put it.

As for the protestations that it's just a joke, I think the lady (or in this case, the asshat) doth protest too much. Even if it had been a joke, it would have been a seriously unfunny one. If I'd started a thread about how some black guy had had the audacity to think he had a chance with me ("He wasn't pitch-black, but he was still pretty dark"), I'd have my ass handed to me on a plate, and deservedly so. Saying, "Oh, it was clearly a joke, you black people are all so over-sensitive" wouldn't exactly fly, now would it?

People would be pissed, regardless of their race, and they'd be right when they called me a racist, a stupid shallow asshat, an ignorant, misaimed handjob, or any other evaluation they wished to offer.Some things are just offensive and assholish, plain and simple, whether you're a member of the target group or not.

[CrazyCatLady]

D'oh! That was me above, not Dr.J. (Damn that man for wanting to use the computer in his own home.)