Advice needed for extremely naïve teenage boy.

[ReuvenB]

Well, this all started last summer. I currently live in Georgia, and go to a camp in Indiana (long story). On the last night of camp, I kissed a girl for the first time in my life. I’ve kept in close contact with the girl over the year, and we’re still very close, despite the fact that we haven’t seen each other in about 9 months. We’ve talked over the Internet, over the phone, and she still likes me. I know last time I kissed her, I felt like I was missing something, so I guess my question is, can any Dopers give me kissing tips? I’m going to see her again this summer, and if I can be better prepared this time, and also atmosphere (last time it was something like “do you want to kiss?” “Sure.”). Any and all tips appreciated.

[Giraffe]

Start with short, soft kisses. They can gradually become longer in duration. Don't be too forceful. Maintain some slight awareness of how wet they are -- i.e. don't drool too much. At some point you can get the tongue involved, but don't jam it in her mouth -- just use the tip, lightly. After the kissing has gone on for a little while, caressing her neck with your hands is nice, as is running your hands through her hair. Kissing her neck and ears is often very popular, but wait until you've been smooching for a little while.

As for atmosphere, once you're alone with her, wait for a pause in the conversation. Then just slowly lean in for a kiss. You don't have to announce it. She'll know what's going on -- if she pulls away, just smile and shrug. Don't make a big deal out of it.

Go get 'em, champ! Woo hoo!

[ReuvenB]

thanks, Giraffe. Your sig line is quite in its place here.

[betenoir]

Well Giraffe is completely right- and who am I to contradict someone with an 18 inch prehesile tongue on the subject of kissing?

But, while his theory is perfect, keep in mind, kissing is about being in the moment. Pay attention to what she's doing.

Wait, let me make that a little clearer: If you want to be a good kisser, pay attention to what she's doing!

And respond. It's about give and take.

If you've kissed before and you're one just as good terms now, now, I don't think you have to worry about asking. Wait for the right moment, lean in..she's probabably waiting too.

Mazel tov!

[Giraffe]

I forgot to mention the most important part: above all else, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the moment. It doesn't matter if you're a perfect kisser -- you'll learn quickly, and the learning part is one of the best parts of kissing.

[whiterabbit]

It's all about practice. Go get 'em.

[Rick]

Giraffe is 100% on the mark here. Just a couple things I would reinforce.
Drool is bad.
Trying to lick her tonsils is usually not a good idea. It may cause them to go :eek:
A lot of women like you to lick their lips (or just inside) with your tongue during the kiss (see previous comment for the reason)
Light kisses on the cheek can be a great way to end a kiss, or start another. :D
Try not to snort in her ear like a bull in heat. (it's gonna be hard to not do this, TRUST ME)
Above all have fun, when done properly kissing a good partner is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.



Psst.... XWalrus2 come here let me tell you a couple of more "advanced" things to try. Don't tell the others OK?


When you get ready to end the kiss lightly clamp down on one of her lips with both of yours suck on it slightly and let it slide out from between your lips.
At the end of a good kiss a small sigh of pleasure, is like a standing ovation to your partner, it lets them know that they done good.
After you have been kissing for a while, try applying a little suction during the middle of the kiss. if she goes with this your lips will be drawn tighter together from the suction. This will make for more, well for lack of a better term, tingle. :cool:

[Doomtrain]

Breath! Don't forget breath! Breathmints are good!

[ReuvenB]

::takes notes:: Thanks everybody. The only question is how am i gonna remember all this when it counts?

[Mirror Image egamI rorriM]

Trust me, I'm sure you'll do ok.

[Neurotik]

Don't worry about it. You won't remember. Just keep kissing her. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

It's like practicing a jump shot. Someone can tell you how to do it, but you won't remember how to do it in the heat of the game unless you have practiced a lot. So practice.

[ReuvenB]

Jump shot is probably not the best analogy here. I have possibly the worst basketball game you will ever see.

[Cat Whisperer]

Anybody else imagining the thread XWalrus2 is going to start when he reaches the point of becoming sexually active? Yikes!

[it'sjustme]

XWalrus2, speaking as a girl who likes kisses, I gotta say you've gotten some really good advice! The nervousness that you're feeling is perfectly natural. When I was a teenager, I didn't kiss several guys that I'd wanted to because I was scared that I wouldn't be any good at it and that the guy would know it was my first kiss.

As for tips: I really like it when a guy gently bites my lips and neck (as described in a previous post), and gently nibbles on my ear (and light breathing in my ear while nibbling gives me goosebumps). I also like it when my guy holds the back of my neck/hair when we're kissing.

Don't worry, like everyone else says, after a little practice, you'll be great! After all, you've already demonstrated the most important trait of a good kisser: the desire to be a good kisser!

PS: Giraffe, it sounds like MrsGiraffe is a lucky lady!

[Badtz Maru]

Don't drool. Trembling is OK, though, lotsa girls like trembling.

[King Friday]

Try to kiss her on the neck, once you do that, you can pretty much do anything you want to her.

[flight]

A couple of points to add to the good advice. Women love hands on cheek. Lightly brush the backs of your fingertips along the underside of her jaw and the lightly hold her face as you move in to the kiss. Always worked well for me.

Everybody mentions the kissing the neck, but be careful if you are a novice. Don't go marking your territory with hickeys unless she wants you to. The key to avoid them is to use very little suction and bite. Don't take a chunk out of her, we are talking easy and slow. Think massaging her neck muscles with your teeth. This drives them nuts! Move up and down the trapezius muscle as different women have a different spot. If you get this right you are in like Flynn. Remember though, this is a woman so physical sensation is second and emotion attachment is first, so play with the neck but concentrate on the lips.

Oooh, and don't do the same thing over and over. Always keep it varied, the way you tilt your head, pressure, suction, intensity, speed.

Good luck and tell us how it goes!

[Sn-man]

I am surprised no one has mentioned about how far to open your mouth. One of the biggest offs can be kissing someone and suddenly their mouth opens really wide. This area is one where you literally have to feel your way. Keeping your opening, as it were, the same general size as hers. If you are kissing and open your mouth a little wider and she doesn’t respond with you, go back to what you were doing before. That would really be considered the general rule for kissing, play experiment, but be aware of how she responds, if it doesn’t seem to go over well, go back to what was.

[Angel of the Lord]

Just go with the flow. You can read all this stuff...but then you're suddenly going to be in front of this girl, and all your brain functions are going to stop, and...well, you just won't remember most of it. Chill, and keep on kissing her until you get it right.

One tip, though: go easy on the tongue. Let her make the first move, there--otherwise, you might end up gagging her.

[FriendRob]

Back when I was an extremely naive teenage boy...

I had learned all I knew about kissing from a M*A*S*H episode in which Hawkeye kissed Hot Lips. She pulled away and said, "Ewww! Your lip moved!" So during the whole kiss I was thinking "Don't move the lips, don't move the lips."

It was years later that I realized: It was a joke. :smack:

Anyway, my advice is to leave the tongue out of it entirely until you've had a few more kisses. She may be just as inexperienced as you, and a sudden tongue may surprise/shock/upset her.

[flybynight]

Originally posted by Sn-man
One of the biggest offs can be kissing someone and suddenly their mouth opens really wide.

Couldn't agree more - this is one of the biggest complaints I've heard from girls about bad kissers! No need to try to swallow their head or shove your tongue down their throat ;)

Also strongly agree with the comment about not doing the same thing over and over - variety is key to being a good kisser.

Everything else here is good advice, especially about just going with the moment. It isn't a science, and you don't need to remember all the specific techniques, you'll figure them out on your own eventually.

[Mariemarie]

No teeth. Don't slobber. Get your nose out of the way. Lead with your lips, not with your tongue. Relax those lips. Slow the hell down. Touch her face and hair with your (clean) hands. Breath deeply and slowly. Shave. Practice good oral hygeine, make it a lifelong habit. Please. Drink some water if your mouth feels dry. Yes, breath mints are nice, but not a substitute for regular brushing and flossing. Rinse the damn toothpaste out of your mouth.

[zoid]

OK the one piece of advice that hasn't been covered in enough detail (IMHO)..............

A clean mouth is a kissable mouth. If you don't already, start paying close attention to your (tooth)brushing. As stated before, breath mints are a good idea.

I don't mean to state the obvious but it's not all that uncommon for teanage boys to negelct their personal hygiene. Don't be one of these!

[sivispacem]

XWalrus2, it's a little bit cliche, but it's actually not a bad idea to have a few makeout sessions with your forearm (the unhairy, underside), what feels good there is basically gonna feel good to the missus.

Also, make sure you brush your tongue as well as your teeth, get all the dead skin cells off, don't just brush back and forth, brush in one stroke from the back forward - makes a world of difference with the breath.

And just like sports, don't think about it when you're actually in the heat of the moment. Relax, and just think about how warm and fuzzy you feel, don't worry about details.

Assuming that at least one of ya'll is of the age to have braces, be really, really carefull with that. Braces really can get caught on each other, and if it's not that hard to draw blood if the partner w/o them kisses too enthusiasticlly - so be very, very slow and gentle if either of ya'll is equipped.

[ReuvenB]

Thanks sivis for the advice about the braces. I have them, she doesn't though.

[soulmurk]

I can't match what's already been so eloquently put, so I'll just throw in my advice about where kissing leads.

It's quite natural to get excited during a good make-out session (hell, even a bad one) and push for something more, but don't allow your hormones to do the thinking for you. Follow her lead (and remember your surroundings) when your hands start to wander; and believe you me, they will.

[mnemosyne]

Learn together. I don't know if she's more experienced or not, or if you're her first kiss too, but the thing is, if one of you messes something up, its not the end of the world. Laugh it off, play it up whatever, but don't be ashamed if something goes wrong. Find out what she likes, heck, even ask her afterwards if she enjoyed something you tried (assuming you couldn't tell from her response). She might tell you to do it again sometime, or to try something different. Likewise, let her know how you feel about something she might have done or could do better/more often. Like I said, learn together!

Have fun!

Oh, and GET A ROOM! :D

[NinjaChick]

From a somewhat inexperienced 16-year-old girl: DON'T breathe in her ear. First time I kissed a guy beyond a li'l peck on the lips, he kind of did this snorty-thing right in my ear...I started cracking up. Kinda ruined it.

From my boyfriend (who was really confused as to why I was asking him for kissing tips to give a guy):

If she seems hesitant, SLOW DOWN. Go slow no matter what, make it mean something. But if she seems to be kind of hesitant: stop, and pull away slightly. Look into her eyes (lovingly, of course), and smile slightly. You'll be able to tell if she wants to keep going.

Use your hands, yes. If you kind of play with her hair, at the nape of her neck...just try it. But keep 'em either above the shoulders or below the ribs. Don't get too frisky. ;)

Brush. Floss. Use mouthwash. Have a mint, preferably sugar-free. Don't use too much tongue, but don't be completely closed-mouthed. RELAX, she's probably as nervous as you. You'll eventually find what she likes and what you like, and it'll feel natural.

[BytopianDream]

And before hand, don't freak out by asking her every second to kiss... let the moment come more naturally.
Afterwards, don't change how you act towards her or start telling all the guys. Gentlemen never tell unless given permission.

Relax and enjoy the moment. Be passionate and playful. Don't slop up her ear. Look into her eyes before and after. Don't be crude. Be romantic.

But most importantly, relax guy.

[Duckster]

Practice with a double-scoop ice cream cone.

The longer you can enjoy it, and keep it relatively intact, the better it is.

(Meaning soft lips and a soft tongue to start. If you have to plunge right in, forget it.)

Trust me on this. I come from Wisconsin, America's Dairyland, and a family of great kissers. Mom always insisted upon dairy products at every meal.

It all made sense to me when it came to ice cream for dessert. Kisses are the same way.

Just don't think about the chocolate sauce, though. You were only asking for kissing tips at this stage, not sex.


:D

[monica]

Don't say "I'm sorry, I'm sooooo bad at this!" Really, please don't. You may be thinking that, but don't say it. Chances are, you've done well, and are just being over critical.

And yes, I have known a guy to say that.