Funny things people say/do while asleep

[raz]

Apologies if this thread has been done receltly - I don't remember having ever seen this topic come up!


I recall my aunt telling me once that my cousin got up in the middle of the night and peed all over the front of the TV.

I walked upstairs one night and heard this God-awful sound, like a cross between a cat beeing stepped on and a pig squealing. I walked into my brother's room and he was sitting straight up in bed, going RAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAWWWWWWW!!!

My boyfriend says really funny stuff when I wake him up. He's in this zone where he's mostly asleep but a little bit awake. One time when I woke him up he said, "The ball has numbers on it!".

Another time, he pretty much yelled at me "I didn't wanna go ALL THE WAY BACK THERE to get your report card!" When I asked him what the hell he was talking about he responded, "I'm sorry about your speedometer."


Anyone else have funny stories to share?

[Taters]

Funny now, but frightening back then....

I once woke up to my husband sitting on top of me and trying to choke me. I kid you NOT! He was sound asleep and I couldn't wake him up. Finally, I managed to wrench my body and throw him off the bed, where conked his head. At this point he woke up and asked me what the hell was going on. I promptly informed him of his actions. He freaked out and was apologizing all over the place. I refused to sleep in the same bed for two nights after that!

[Zenham]

Too many to number. I'm a narcoleptic, and when I sleep, I sleep EXTREMELY deeply, and I'm very hard to rouse. (Note: this is different from being very hard when a-roused. The latter is fun, the former sucks).

I've been known to carry on a 20 minute conversation with someone in the room, while mentally asleep. He said later (when asking me about it) that I mostly made sense, except for "the part about the air tubes".

What air tubes? Hell if I know.

[Mama Tiger]

An old friend's dad told me about the time his brother sat up in bed in the middle of the night, sound asleep, sang two complete verses of the Star Spangled Banner, and lay back down.

The most exciting one I've ever had to deal with was the time I narrowly prevented my then-3-year-old son from peeing on his sister.

[Lissa]

My husband talks in his sleep about his job. All the time. (I tease him about the fact that even his dreams are boring!)

In the middle of the night, he will say to me, "Did you get the file I left on your desk?"

"Yes, I did," I'll reply, playing along.

"Did you return it? I can't find it! Where is it!" He'll actually sound panicky sometimes.

"It fell on the floor," I'll tell him. I guess he follows my cues in his dreams because he'll smile and relax, most likely happily clutching the file in Dreamland.

It happens pretty frequently. Considering I don't know a lot of his job jargon, I think I play along pretty well, trying to give reponses which I think will soothe him. I've often wondered if I mischeviously said that I had lost the PMRGT report, if he'd plummet into a nightmare.

[LifeOnWry]

Oh, dear. I am the talking and acting out in my sleep person, but I'm not the only one in my family! I thnk it started when I was a teen, and my dad would stand over my bed and holler until I was conscious. I learned to hold him off for a bit by PRETENDING to be conscious. Every time he came in the room, I would talk to him so he would think I was awake, then he'd go away for awhile. That stopped the morning he said, "Are you up?" and I replied, "With potatoes."

My best friend called me one day whilst I was napping on the sofa. I answered the phone and apparently talked for a few seconds normally, then said, "It all has to do with Rick's brother's balloon." My friend said, "What? Are you awake?" I said, "Yeah, hang on. It's just I need to wake up." She's been teasing me about this for about four years now.

Another time, I sat bolt upright in bad and punched the WryGuy right in the nose. I woke up JUST as I connected, and I couldn't help cracking up, despite the fact that I hit him pretty hard. Fortunately for him, I'm right-handed and I threw the punch left-handed, so it was a weak one. Still, he certainly wasn't expecting that! he says I occasionally talk in my sleep, but that I generally make no sense. What a shocker, eh?

Now, back when we were kids, my younger sister was the Disturbed Sleeper. She once got up, walked down the hall and into the living room, pulled her skitters down and sat on the sofa. My mother and I were watching a late-night movie and Mom yelled, "GAH! Grab her, she thinks she's in the bathroom!" Another time, I followed her sleepwalking to the bathroom, and watched as she pulled her pants down, sat on the edge of the tub, peed, wiped herself and threw the paper into the tub, then walked across the bathroom and FLUSHED THE TOILET!

[Inky-]

Once my friend Bob, who was sleeping in the passanger seat of my car, sat bolt upright and stated "The gills have to be bright pink or it's just not fresh", than he promptly sat back down and went back to sleep. He still refuses to believe this.

Also, I had an ex-girlfriend pop me in the nose reaching for a ringing telephone in her dream.

[Severian]

On a camping trip my wife and I shared a tent with my parents. Apparently we carry on conversations in our sleep.

According to my mother I started the conversation by exclaiming something about the price of gasoline. My wife responded by asking me how many gallons would fit in the weed whacker. Switching gears completely I said it was too damp in the basment to walk the dog (we don't own a dog). My wife then started making cooing noises and said "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!" a number of times. I started giggling, then my wife started giggling. After the laughter subsided we were quiet.

I've contemplated setting up a voice activated record in the bedroom to see if this is a common occurance, but haven't done so yet.

[Second Star to the Right]

Only once(that I'm aware of) have I done something out of the ordinary when asleep.

So I'm on a school trip to France. One night after everyone had gone to sleep(myself included) I got up, wandered over to the door in our hotel room, and tried for a good 5 minutes to get it open. (It was locked- luckily I didn't think to, you know, unlock it). I start cursing up a storm while doing this. One of the girls I was rooming with finally wakes up and asks me what I'm doing. I'm all "Um........I don't know." Went back to bed. Never sleptwalked(?) before in my life. Never happened again. Bizarre.

[hyperjes]

Usually, d_redguy is the interesting sleeper in our house. (He has a funny story, too, if you can get him to tell it.) Apparently, I was the fun one last night. Well, actually it was today, cuz we sleep during the day and are up at night, but blah, blah...anyway- According to him, I was very restless and was swinging my legs up and kicking him repeatedly. He was not amused and kept asking me to stop. I would mumble something at him, then do it again a few minutes later. Finally, he told me that if I did it again, he was going to sleep on the couch. Immediately following that statement- you guessed it- I kicked him. He slept on the couch. I don't know why I did it. I have no memory of the events. It can't be that I wanted him to sleep on the couch, cuz I hate it when he does that. I guess I had a jolly time kicking him around though.:D

[Lissa]

Originally posted by Taters
I once woke up to my husband sitting on top of me and trying to choke me. I kid you NOT! He was sound asleep and I couldn't wake him up. Finally, I managed to wrench my body and throw him off the bed, where conked his head. At this point he woke up and asked me what the hell was going on. I promptly informed him of his actions. He freaked out and was apologizing all over the place. I refused to sleep in the same bed for two nights after that!

Once, I awoke to my husband tenderly kissing his way down my forearm towards my hand. When he reached it, he suddenly bit down, hard! I bellowed, and he jerked awake. "Did I just do that?" he asked.

"YES!" I said, rubbing my wounded hand. "Were you dreaming you were the Vampire Lestat, or something?"

He couldn't remember, and we still laugh about it. There I was, smiling and thinking about how sweet his kisses were, and then-- CHOMP!

[Pixiesnix]

My twin brother has quite the problem with talking in his sleep and thrasing about. He was sleeping on the couch while I was on the computer, and he called me over. I thought he was awake, because when I looked down at him, he stared back at me as lucid as anyone. He said to me, "The thing about shaving is..." and he blinked a few times, as if gathering his thoughts. He tried again, "You have an electric shaver, and..." but he got lost again. I asked him what he was talking about, and he shook his head, frustrated. He looked at me again, and I could tell he was a little clearer now. He regarded me a little contemptuously and said, "If you don't know what I'm talking about..." I told him he could tell me about it in the morning. That seemed to satisfy him, and he fell back asleep. The next day he remembered none of it, and admitted he was probably trying to cover his ass at the end.

When we were younger and he slept in a bunk bed with my older brother, he could be heard yelling, "Susan....Susan! SUSAN!!" But the next day, he couldn't remember it. He must have been mad at me for something I did in his dream.

Oh, and he smacked me in the face once while we were sharing a bed staying at my grandmother's house.

[Balance]

Back in college, my friend Catherine called me at about 3:00 AM one morning for help on a take-home physics exam. I patiently explained the problem she was working on, then walked her through the rest of the exam...then started asking why she had ridden a horse into my room to ask about a test. She could have ridden the goat and not have to duck coming through the door. I was, in fact, entirely asleep, and she couldn't get me to wake up. When I woke, I thought it was just a bizarre dream until she confirmed it.

She turned in the test anyway, BTW. She got an A on it, which I'm inordinately proud of.

On a long-ago camping trip, an old GF of mine engaged in a long theological debate with someone she referred to as "Brother Francis" in her sleep. It was quite surreal.

[Siegfried]

In high school, one night I had a pretty erotic dream (I think -- I can't remember it, really). It was so erotic that I had started sleepwanking. Well, I was kinda sleepwanking. I was still in my shorts, and my hand was grasping air. I was pretty much pounding myself in the groin (and holy cow, did that hurt!).

Another time in high school, I must have had a dream where my alarm clock went off, and it was time for me to get ready for school. I managed to sleepwalk my way into the bathroom, out of my clothes, and turn on the shower. The water woke me, but I was so disorientated that I assumed I really was supposed to get ready. I was confused for a couple minutes when I got back to my room and my clock said it was just after midnight.

My only college instance of this I don't remember at all. Thankfully, I had a roommate who did. He said I sat straight up in bed and told him, "I think we're out of printer ink. I'll go to the store." I promptly went back to sleep.

[I can't believe that's butter!]

Well, I had a dream a few years ago where a dog was chasing me. Right as he jumped to bite me, I kicked him -- at which point I woke up to a resounding boom and a hole in the wall from my knee.

My dad says that one time I said I was chasing ponies.

[HeatMiser]

I'm told I have animated conversations in what sounds like an archaic foreign language of some kind.

I'm (pretty) sure it's gibberish, but I've managed to mildly creep out a couple of different partners.

[herwono]

My mum tells me I laugh in my sleep. I don't actually remember laughing, but I do have funny dreams. :p Mum also tells me that when I was younger I used to start jumping up and down on the bed in the middle of the night. Don't remember that either.

I get really confused when I wake up. I have my alarm clock, telephone, and cell phone right by my bed, and I'm always picking up the wrong one when one of them rings.

[Latch]

My parent's haven't told me about this for a while, but I'm going off what they said (and told EVERYONE) for a few years after it happened.

When I was little I once sleepwalked down two flights of stairs (into the basement) and started going towards the dryer. My parents were still up and watched me walk down the basement stairs and towards the dryer. They were freaked out that I was going to fall down the stairs. Anyways, my mom asked me what I was doing, and I said I had to go get the "----------------" (I'm not quite sure what ------------------- is. It was some alien name, Zargons, I think). Apparently these "Zargons" hid in dryers, and I had to go shoot them. I don't remember a bit of it.

Later, in high school, I woke up, turned off my alarm, went downstairs and started getting my cereal out and stuff. This is my normal wakeup routine. While pouring the cereal into the bowl, my mom came downstairs in her nightgown (she's never up this early) and looked at me. The following conversation ensued:
Her: Eric, what are you doing?
After my inital shock of seeing her, I said: Getting ready to go to school
Her: Do you know what TIME it is?
Me: Yeah, 5:50.. my alarm just went off.
Her: Honey, look at the microwave (which is right in front of me).

I look and see the clock says 12:15. I go back to bed. When I get up the next day, I wake up late (because I turned the alarm off earlier), and the whole episode seems like a dream. My mom talked about it all the next day.

That's all I can remember offhand.

[Niggle]

I was once awoken to my ex poking me in the side. She informed me in a very irate tone that I had taken HER pillow! I was, understandably I hope, confused but I gave her my pillow (which was identical in every way to the one she was sleeping on) which seemed to calm her down and she went right back to sleep. No recollection of it the next morning.

I’ve also had that little problem with being woken up a little to early. This is back in my first year of university. I had just gone to bed at 10 or so in the evening (not sure why so early – I normally go to sleep at midnight to 3am) and immediately fell into a deep sleep. My phone rang 15 minutes later and I stumbled out of bed to answer it (quite the feat, given I was sleeping in a loft bed). I was completely asleep at the time and it took about 5 minutes before my friend on the other side asked if I was feeling ok. I was totally convinced, when I woke up, that I had slept through the night and through the entire next day. I had to go and dunk my head in cold water before I could continue the conversation. It was a little surreal..


-n

[Fern Forest]

Ahhh, I love the smell of a really good thread!

I tried to record myself with a camcorder to see if I do or say anything in my sleep but it wasn't mine and I couldn't figure out how to turn off the stupid power saver which shut it off if nothing gets done in 15 minutes. Someday I'll figure it out. Unfortunately it seems all I do, or have ever done, is sleep. Anyway my Grandma (who's now 89) has begun having conversations in her sleep. Real long ones with relative and friends she hasn't seen in years. It's just fascinating to listen to her. Unfortunately one night at about 3 am I was awoken by very loud banging on the wall. Now this had happened before. The wind blew, the windows shook, the door rattled and my Grandma had a vivid dream a crook was trying to break in and kill her. So I leapt out of bed to go and try and calm her down. The door was locked so I got the flathead and unlocked it and forced my way in to try and help her and holy crap was she pissed at me. She had dreamed that I had tried to break into her bedroom and attack her and there was absolutely no way she was wrong. She cussed me out for a good hour. She was so mad at me she was shaking. Sigh.

Now it was my dad who had the peeing dream. Peed right on my mom who was sleeping. My sister was the roller and would roll out of beds, once the top of a bunk bed, thunk to the floor and sleep right through it.

But those conversations my Grandma has are so interesting. I keep hoping she'll say something that she's consciously forgot. Like who her Grandparents were or speak in Italian which she's forgotton. Nothing yet just books she given away and inquiries aboutmy neices.

[hardygrrl]

I used to sleepwalk a lot - once woke up on the front porch after a dream of taking a walk and my socks were wet. I don't want to know what I did. :D

[Pábitel]

One night, just after we got together my wife shook me awake and told me, "Don't take anything off the end of a stick!" She stopped and thought for a minute and added, "ANYWHERE OFF A STICK!"

Words to live by.

She doesn't remember it at all but loves telling the story.

[FairyChatMom]

I shared a room with my sister for my entire childhood. She talked in her sleep sometimes, altho I don't remember anything particularly entertaining. However, one night my dad got up to find her sitting on the top of the flight of stairs, sound asleep. Downstairs the phone was off the hook.

[Madame Zelda]

I troubleshoot in my sleep. My dad watched me walk into the kitchen, open the refrigerator door, and tell it to "reboot, please". He knows very little about computers, but has gamely tried to respond while I'm "hacking into the registry" in my sleep. He says he's learned more about IE than he ever wanted to know, just by listening to me talk in my sleep.

Back when we were younger, my little sister & I shared a room. I came home late one night, turned on the bedroom light to find my way to bed, my sister sat bolt upright and yelled, "Get that duck outta here! No, not that one, the mallard!" I laughed myself silly. Next night, I tell my sister (in my sleep) "Hey, there's a family of feathers in here. Oh, great. A family of feathers." Must have been caused by her mallard.

[Ca3799]

I don't do anything fun in my sleep (that I know about) except sleep.

My son laughs out loud- he's five and five year old guffaws are great.

Now the evil X walked and talked in his sleep. He urinated in the laundry soap tub, in the corner of the bedroom, and other places (usually following an evening of drinking), and told jokes and stories. One night I was in bed reading when he said "Excellent bogey." I don't play golf and wasn't sure of what he said, so I aked "What?' He repeated it, "Excellent bogey." Still not sure of what was going on, I asked "What?" again. He yelled at me "Excellent Bogey!!" "O.K."

One night, he sat up and said "My name is Bond. James Bond." He was so serious sounding.. cracked me up.

One night he popped up and said "You put the black in the red and (unintelligble) happens. Ha ha ha." I tried to get him to tell me the joke since I had the punchline, but he wouldn't answer.

[Eats_Crayons]

< related hijack >

How the Straight Dope Message Board has changed our lives forever!

About a year ago, a similar thread was in IMHO (I think it made Threadspotting). Someone told a story about waking up his SO saying "you have to get up or you'll be late for work" and she responded with:"I don't have to go to work today. Today is triangle day!"

This expression is now a permanent one of the Crayons household. We never say "leave me alone, I'm sleeping in" we say "it's triangle day!"

</related hijack>

[Velma]

My husband and I had an entire fight one night and I didn't realize he was talking in his sleep until the next day. I don't remember the whole thing, but we were in bed and I was almost asleep, when he asked me a question. I didn't know what he was talking about, and he got very frustrated when I asked him. I was confused and he was getting pissed. At one point he was yelling at me to shut up, and I ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom. This was the first time (and only) that we ended up sleeping apart because of a fight. He only woke up when I was leaving the room, and then he was the one who was confused, and mad at me for waking him up! At the time I didn't believe him when he said he had no idea what was going on. Now I know when he is talking in his sleep, and instead of getting upset, I just mess with him:)

I think it does count as our stupidest fight ever.

[mnemosyne]

Both my brother and sister have talked in their sleep. to my knowledge, and according to my SO of three years, I don't.

My sister once started calling out to my brother in her sleep, not long after we'd all gone to bed, so the rest of the family was still awake. She kept calling out his name, over and over, and he kept replying "what?" from the next room. It took a couple of minutes for us to figure out that she was talking in her sleep, so we left her alone, and she was quiet for a minute. Then she just yelled out "S--, shut UP!" My brother had no idea what had upset her so much!

A few years before that, my brother was asleep in his room but a few of us were still up, and he appeared to be having a "Legend of Zelda" type dream, because he kept talking about Link. He then quite desperately said "Kill the bear, not the deer!" a couple of times, followed by "No, wait, kill the DEER, not the BEAR!!" He didn't remember any of it, and so couldn't explain his sudden change in strategy!

My SO also talks in his sleep. Most of the time its incoherent, but there was one time when he told me that I needed to update my kernel. I told him he could do it in the morning, because the computer was turned off. He said I didn't need to turn on the computer, because it was MY kernel that needed to be updated. Aparently I wasn't a "recent enough version" of a girlfriend for him that night!

There are a bunch more, but I cant remember them right now. Since he NEVER remembers any of them, he's no help right now either!

[Duke]

I was awoken a few years back by my ex ordering someone to get "the baked potatoes" out of the oven. "Are you talking to me?" I asked. "No, I'm talking to someone else." Then she managed to wake up...of course, not remembering what she'd just said.

[Doomtrain]

When I was a kid, I once woke up really cold...because I'd wandered out of my bedroom and curled up on the couch and, somewhere in there, had managed to turn the TV on and change it to my favorite channel at the time. I was very confused.

[IDemandBeer]

I used to sleepwalk alot as a kid. My mom told me about a particular time when I got up, walked to the bathroom, left the door wide open, turned on the water in the bathtub but didn't close the drain, undressed except for my socks, stuffed my pajamas into the toilet, flushed it, and sat in the tub. My mom, dad, and their guest that was visiting at the time were viewing all this through the open door. Apparently she convinced me to return to bed; she had to dig my jammies out of the toilet with a clothes-hanger.

In college, I sometimes crashed a friend of mine's dorm-room floor rather than drive the hour-long trip back to where I lived. I'd gone out and gotten completely schnockered one particular night; when I woke up the next day, his roomate was PISSED at me. Upon inquiring, it turns out that during the night I'd gotten up, took the sheets I was using for cover, wadded them up into a corner of the room, and proceeded to pee all over them. They were the roomate's spare sheets, thus his annoyance. I didn't recall any of it, of course.

--IDB

[WillSantini]

Since my bedroom was fairly small, there wasn't enough room for all the furniture to fit, so I had to push the side of my bed up against the dresser. My bed was a twin size. I had a dream that I had a very large bed and stood up in my sleep next to the bed. Of course since I had a large bed I could just fall across it. Forehead meets dresser drawer handle, not a good thing. The worst part, there was an encore performance a couple of weeks later.

[raz]

A couple more that I remember:


So the boyfriend fell asleep one night, but I thought he was still awake. The convo went something like this.

ME: What time is it?
HIM: 9:30
ME: Are you sure? It's dark outside.
HIM: It's 9:30
ME: 9:30?
HIM: 9:30
ME: In the morning?
HIM: Yep, 9:30
ME: It can't be 9:30 in the morning!
HIM: 9:30

I looked at the clock and it was 12:30 at night!


And this thing that my brother did REALLY creeped me out at the time. So I was in my bed, minding my own business when my door flew open and in walks my brother. He had his eyes wide opened. He walked over to my dresser where I had a fish (at the time). He takes the container of fish food and pops it in his mouth. Then he walks out of my room.

I noticed that he didn't go back to his room, so I went to the bathroom. He was asleep in the corner. I say to him, "Adam, you're in the bathroom" and he just gets up and walks back to his own bed.

[raz]

A couple more that I remember:


So the boyfriend fell asleep one night, but I thought he was still awake. The convo went something like this.

ME: What time is it?
HIM: 9:30
ME: Are you sure? It's dark outside.
HIM: It's 9:30
ME: 9:30?
HIM: 9:30
ME: In the morning?
HIM: Yep, 9:30
ME: It can't be 9:30 in the morning!
HIM: 9:30

I looked at the clock and it was 12:30 at night!


And this thing that my brother did REALLY creeped me out at the time. So I was in my bed, minding my own business when my door flew open and in walks my brother. He had his eyes wide open. He walked over to my dresser where I had a fish (at the time). He takes the container of fish food and pops it in his mouth. Then he walks out of my room.

I noticed that he didn't go back to his room, so I went to the bathroom to see if he was in there. He was asleep in the corner. I say to him, "Adam, you're in the bathroom" and he just gets up and walks back to his own bed.

[CadburyAngel]

My little sister sometimes sits bolt upright in her sleep and states in a firm but irritated tone, "I'm NOT DEAD." Any response to this is construed as argument, so you just have to go back to bed and hope she will, too.

This story didn't happen entirely while asleep, but certainly wouldn't have happened if all of us were awake, so I'll include it.

My senior year of high school, I joined the orchestra (the director wanted an oboist) on their tour of the East Coast. Our school is on the other side of the country, so the chance to travel to New York City, Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C. was not to be passed up.

We made the whole trip in one long day, and hit New York in the evening. For economical purposes, we were sleeping four to a two-bed room - Aly, Emily, Kate, and I. Between the excitement and the jet lag, it's understandable that we're all in bed pretty early - by ten o'clock or so - and sleeping soundly shortly thereafter.

Around midnight or one, there's a knock on the door. Aly gets up and opens the door, without looking through the peephole or leaving the chain on. A young man staggers into the room, the nearly empty bottle of beer in his hand sloshing back and forth. He insists that he just needs a place to lie down for a little while.

Every one of us is partially awake at this point, and every one of us rationalizes that this must be a male orchestra member that one of the other girls knows, drunkenly on the run from our draconian director and in need of shelter. So we let him lie down at the foot of one of the beds and we all go back to sleep.

About ten or fifteen minutes later, there's another knock on the door. We're just trying to sleep, dammit, but Aly answers again and two young women are there. In thick Russian accents, they ask if their friend is inside. After some confusion, they retrieve their drunken compatriot and remove him from sight. The rest of us have fallen back asleep. Aly goes back to bed.

We reconstruct this all in the morning, and realize the following:

a.) We let a drunken male stranger into a hotel room with four teenage girls, in New York City, at night.
b.) We all thought that somebody else knew this guy.
c.) The director must NEVER know about this.

So just as we're swearing not to reveal the incident until all of us have graduated, there's another knock on the door. This time I answer it, leaving the chain on at first. It's our friend from the night before, with bloodshot eyes and bare feet, his female friends a few paces behind. I open the door a little more but am ready to slam it if necessary.

At first he just apologizes profusely in a thick Russian accent (somehow we didn't hear it when he talked the first time), calling himself a "stupid jerk" over and over. I reassure him that it's really no trouble, everything's fine, just trying to get him out of the picture before our chaperone comes out into the hall and the whole story comes out. Just as I'm closing the door on him, he asks, "Did I leave my green shoes in there?"

No, he did not leave his green shoes with us. He departed after we told him so. I think it was the most memorable welcome to a city that I've ever received, and certainly one of the stupidest things I've ever let happen while (partially) asleep.

*Names have been changed to protect those who still work under this director.

[ivylass]

Ivylad is on strong pain medication, and it makes for some interesting and scary conversations.

He once told me "The monster is chasing the yellow." (Funny, he was on his way to the bathroom to pee, so make of that what you will ;))

Another time, I was getting ready for work. I get out of the shower, and he's completely dressed in his old workshirt, looking for his boots.

I ask him what he's doing. He's gives me a disgusted look, says, "I'm going to work." Silly question.

"Where are you going to work?" I ask, knowing what's going on and trying to get him calmed down and back to bed.

He names his former employer where he worked as a bus mechanic. I tell him he doesn't work there anymore, because of his back injury he got at work.

He snorts in disdain. "I feel fine." (This is a man who's gone through two major back surgeries, has recently graduated from a walker to a cane, and wears a patch for the medicine.)

"Honey, come back to bed, just for a few minutes." I get him back to bed, no shirt but still wearing his jeans.

About ten minutes later he wakes up, lucid, with no memory of trying to go to work. The frightening thing was if I had been a few minutes later getting out of the shower, he might have been merrily driving to work. :eek:

[Binarydrone]

I am what you would call a very active sleeper. I also tend to engage in what could only be described as speaking in tongues (sometimes my wife can identify it as Spanish (which I do speak) but other times she says that it defiantly sounds like a language, just not one that she ahs encountered).

But the one gem that I could share was the time that I was sleepwalking and managed to get out of the house and a few blocks down the street. See, the thing is that I sleep nude, and needless to say it is nightmarishly odd to come to buck naked in the middle of the night a few blocks from home (I did make it back without incident, thank Og).

[ratty]

All my life I have talked in my sleep. I'm told I have carried on conversations with people and they only realized I was not awake when I suddenly said something bizarre. This happened a few months ago when I answered the phone and held a conversation with someone, and then I said "But the quail need belts." When I woke up, I was so confused about whether or not this had actually happened. I called the person back to check and they told me the story.

I get endless grief for this. I was napping one evening when my bf came in and asked if I wanted dinner. I began a long partially-unintelligble dialogue about how as a child my parents would "send up the mountain for the pizza in the aluminum foil". He asked me what the hell I was talking about and I replied "You know, Colorado pizza".

Another time he claims I sat bolt upright in bed and spoke a few long sentences in some bizarre language in an unnaturally deep voice. He was incredibly freaked out and woke me up immediately. To this day my bf swears I was momentarily possessed. Probably I was just phlegmy.

Another time I sat up in a panic, loudly saying "That gorilla took my car!". (I actually remember this dream, too- I dreamed a gorilla had stolen a green Volkswagon Beetle from my driveway. I do not now nor have I ever owned such a car. Nor a gorilla.)

I often wake up extremely confused about whether or not something I dreamed actually happened, and I have to ask people if it did. You would not believe the looks I get from this.

[Carol the Impaler]

I now know that I swear in my sleep. My poor pal who travels with me....

:sleeping:sleeping:sleeping:

"Fuuuuuuuuuck YOU!"

Dated a guy once who woke up and tried to climb out of bed. "I just want to take all my clothes off and climb around under the bushes naked." Really had a hard time keeping him in building.

I think he was then awake - ? not sure - but was totally freaked out by my Georgia O'Keefe poster. "Man, I don't like that thing. Get that thing away from me. No! I DON'T LIKE IT!"

(But, honey, is that because it looks like a vagina????)

Or... maybe he was peaking. Claimed later someone had put "something" in his drink earlier... yeah, right.

[iampunha]

My hunny has radar. To be specific, penis radar. I'll walk into the room and stand anywhere around her head/midsection (when she's in bed) and her right hand (usually ... sometimes her left) will, if it reaches out at me, invariably grab me right in the crotch. This is also the case when we're cuddling/laying in bed. She'll just flail out and her hand, if she didn't mean it specifically for another place, will just fall cupped around my crotch.

At first we thought it was just coincidence, but it happened with such frequency that I named it "penis radar".

[Rhubarb]

While not on a par with any of these other stories, my wife claims that I carry on considerably in my sleep. Sometimes about my work, other times just babbling nonsense. As I don't remember any of it whatsoever, it is obviously untrue. There is one thing, though. Since I long ago learned how to turn off my alarm clock without waking up, I keep it across the room so that I have to get myself vertical to make the damn noise go away. The problem is that every time the phone rings in the middle of the night, I wake to find myself pounding the crap out of the alarm clock and not understanding why it won't stop.:smack:

[MamaHen]

When my son was about 4 months old my husband suddenly got up out of bed and picked him up. I sat up confused because my husband was screaming "Get a doctor he won't stop crying!". My son was still asleep at that point but when my husband continued to scream he woke up and just looked as confused as I felt. I got my son out of my husband's arms and put him back in bed as my husband started screaming into the lamp about sending the paramedics to our house and giving them his Mom's address. I finally managed to get him back in bed where he started trying to give CPR to his pillow. Suddenly he sat upright and looked at me. He had no idea what had just happened. He couldn't figure out why he had a mouth full of pillowcase, it was pretty funny.

I've been known to talk in my sleep. The weird part is you can ask me questions and I can't lie. My sister used to find out all my childhood crushes this way. It's really a horrible weakness.

[RealityChuck]

My first wife did it a couple of times.

One night, she said in a very sweet voice. "I love you."

I replied, "I love you, too."

Then she said, "But I have to cash a check." (She worked in a bank). That's when I realized she was asleep.

The other time, she shook me awake and asked me if I had a road map of Sweden.

[hardygrrl]

Originally posted by iampunha
My hunny has radar. To be specific, penis radar. I'll walk into the room and stand anywhere around her head/midsection (when she's in bed) and her right hand (usually ... sometimes her left) will, if it reaches out at me, invariably grab me right in the crotch. This is also the case when we're cuddling/laying in bed. She'll just flail out and her hand, if she didn't mean it specifically for another place, will just fall cupped around my crotch.

At first we thought it was just coincidence, but it happened with such frequency that I named it "penis radar".


Heh. My man has to touch me at all times. We curl up spooning to fall asleep. During the night, he always has at least a hand on me. If I get up to pee or smoke and return to the bed, his hand finds my hip and pulls me in closer.

I'm not complaining :D

[Pixiesnix]

niblet_head's post reminded me of something my brother said in his sleep about a year ago. He was taking a nap on the couch as usual, and as usual I was using the computer. He made a strange noise and I went over to see if everything was okay. He mumbled something, then said clearly, "It's hot up in this motherfucker." My howling laughter woke him up, and he made me promise not to tell our mother.

[Scarlett67]

Not funny, but bizarre:

Man who attacked wife gets 40 years in prison (http://www.jsonline.com/news/Metro/apr03/130972.asp)

The jury didn't buy it. I'm flummoxed -- and so is my sister, who used to date him (pretty seriously too).

[NoGoodNamesLeft]

The funniest thread I've read in a while!!!


Peeing seems to be common, so here's my adolescent urination story:

I fell asleep on the couch watching TV with my family one night. (I was just a kid....9 or 10 maybe). My Mother wakes me up and says "Hey, come on...go to the bathroom, and then get into bed." So I got up, stumbled my way to the kitchen where I opened the cupboard, lifted the lid on the enclosed garbage can, and proceeded to pee in the garbage!

More recently (last night in fact), I woke up in the middle of the night facing the wrong way with my T-shirt off. Niether my wife nor I have any idea how I ended up that way, but I was completely opposite her (feet to head).

-My T-shirt, btw was foud this morning under my bed.

[Morgyn]

Ahhh, sleepwalking and sleeptalking. Glimpses into the subconscious mind. It's a might strange place, isn't it?

As far as I know, I've never done either. Once upon a time, though, I had a roommate (I'll call her Mary*) who did both. Mary told me a couple of stories about previous episodes, and I actually ear-witnessed another.

1. One of Mary's older sisters is up late watching TV in the living room. Mary is long ago in bed and asleep. The sister sees Mary walk past her and asks, "Mary, what are you doing?"

Mary says, "Penguins don't eat salt sandwiches."

Mary's sister asks, "Why not?"

Mary responds, "Because they fall over sideways."

Mary returns to bed.

2. Mary's mother wakes up in the middle of the night one night to find Mary distributing TupperwareTM containers all over her (the parents') bed.

3. I woke up in the middle of the night to hear Mary say, "The porpoise laughed." She then delivered about the dirtiest chuckle you have ever heard. I tried to get her to say more, but anything else was so mumbled I couldn't make it out. I still wonder why the porpoise was laughing.

My Dad is apparently an active dreamer also; he'll flail about in the bed and (until she moved to sleeping in a recliner because of back problems) would sometimes hit Mom. A few times she's gotten him about half awake when he does this. One night after she'd done this, he told her, "Oh, thank you, the demons were about to get me." He didn't remember any of it the next day.

*Not her real name.

[Mgcklmoon]

I love this thread!

I talk in my sleep, nothing too astounding except when I fell asleep talking on the phone and told my friend how the penguins were going to get me (thanks Morgyn for reminding me of that )

I do sleep with my eyes open sometimes. Not half open or open just a peep, but "check her breathing" eyes wide open. I have had a school bus driver stop the bus to make sure I was not dead because I dozed off on the way to school.
When I got married, I did warn my SO of this little issue and told him not to worry about it if it happened. Well, it happened, and being the loving, caring, not listening husband he is, he walks up to me to check on me and something in my head triggered panic response, I woke up inhaling ALL the oxygen out of the room (I could almost see the walls bow in) and getting ready to scream it all out when I realized my husband was looking like he was a deer caught in the headlights and scared to death. I instantly knew what happened and started laughing while he proceeded to restart his heart. Poor guy. He knows better now.

[ratty]

Originally posted by Mgcklmoon
I do sleep with my eyes open sometimes. Not half open or open just a peep, but "check her breathing" eyes wide open.

*GASP* I do this too! I can't fall asleep with them open, but I'm told by my bf that he's woken up at night to find me sound asleep, eyes staring. Why does this happen? Is it normal?

[Mgcklmoon]

ratty, I have no idea why it happens. I have slept with my eyes open since I was a baby. Mom used to say it was because I didn't want to miss anything.

As far as I can tell, it isn't harmful. If you wear contacts you sleep in, it can be uncomfortable. But normal? Hell, who wants to be normal?!

[Mgcklmoon]

ratty, I have no idea why it happens. I have slept with my eyes open since I was a baby. Mom used to say it was because I didn't want to miss anything.

As far as I can tell, it isn't harmful. If you wear contacts you sleep in, it can be uncomfortable. But normal? Hell, who wants to be normal?!

[Fern Forest]

Originally posted by Fern Forest
... it seems all I do, or have ever done, is sleep. Actually now that I think about it this isn't true. I've gotten up with out waking up in order to turn off my alarm clock lots of times. Also once my Mom called and I answered the phone while still asleep and she asked me some historical question and I ansered and then hung up and went back to bed. What's really interesting about that is I answered on my bedroom phone and the living room phone, with the answering machine recorded the whole conversation. It really freaked me out to play my messages to hear myself holding a conversation I had no recollection of at all. Took me awhile to figure that one out.

[Latch]

Originally posted by Fern Forest
Also once my Mom called and I answered the phone while still asleep and she asked me some historical question and I ansered and then hung up and went back to bed. What's really interesting about that is I answered on my bedroom phone and the living room phone, with the answering machine recorded the whole conversation. It really freaked me out to play my messages to hear myself holding a conversation I had no recollection of at all. Took me awhile to figure that one out.

Did you answer the question correctly? ;)

[80sHairMetalMaven]

ROTFMALO*
One time,when I was just outta HS my sister was working for an Arby's and one night I got up to take a pee. When I came back to our room, my sister rolled over and handed me a pillow telling me to hand it to the lady in the drive-thru because she was angry it was taking so long.
My parents have said that I once sleepwalked out into the backyard looking for my sister and they had to stop me from walking out the gate into the street.
CG constantly talks in his sleep...mostly mumblings that are incoherent but every once in awhile it will understandable and he'll start talking about his work.
Tis quite funny.:D

IDBB

[Lady Venom]

Oh man, I could fill this thread with stories, but I'll share just a few.

First, stories about my cousin.

My family used to run a funeral home. My aunt, uncle and cousins lived in a huge house, where the ground floor had the chapel, visiting rooms, all thing funerally, and the top 2 floors were their home. I was sleeping over one night, I was about 8 and my cousin was about 5, and all of a sudden heard the sound of a vacuum. I woke my aunt up, and we went downstairs to investigate. We walked into the chapel, to find my cousin vacuuming, and laughing her butt off. We slowly shooed her back upstairs and she didn't even wake up.

The morning of my wedding I woke up to her crawling around the bedroom, slamming her hands on the floor, under the dresser, trying to kill the ants.

One more from her. She woke up swinging my then 1 month old neice in her carseat, almost to the point of being upside down. She doesn't remember getting her out of the bassinette, putting her in the seat or anything.

My fiance is a talker. 2 days after we moved in together, we were asleep in bed, and I awoke to him shaking my shoulder, saying.......I forgot them. I said "Forgot what?" He said "The thingie......the thingie thingie thingie. I forgot it in Brantford" I didn't know he talked in his sleep. So I'm looking around the bedroom, wondering what in HELL he forgot. All of a sudden he starts giggling his ass off. Then he laid back down and went to sleep. I asked him the next morning, and he didn't remember.

Then there was the Silverfish incident. We had a problem in our first apartment with Silverfish. If you don't know what they are, they are 3 inch long flat bugs with a billion legs. We had killed about 10 of those suckers that day. My fiance had long hair at the time, down to the middle of his back. I woke up to him in the fetal position in the middle of the bed and he was screaming, at the top of his lungs, "GET THEM OUTTA HERE" His hands pulling at his hair and rubbing his hands on his head, causing some nasty tangles. He was apparently having a dream about Silverfish. The next day I had to put conditioner in his hair and spend about an hour combing it through.

The best one was the ninja dream. I woke up to my fiance laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. I, at this point, knew he was asleep and slowly tried to wake him and get him to calm down. He kept waving at me, trying to catch his breath and stop laughing. Finally, after me 10 minutes, he told me he had a dream in which he drop kicked a ninja down a flight of stairs and the sound it made was WAY funny.

There are a LOT more from my fiance, but this is long enough.

LV~

[AntaresJB]

My sister and I both do this occasionally. I shared a room with my sister for the first 14 years of my life, and the best one I can remember was walking in to go to bed, and her saying, "Seventy-five cents? Does anyone have seventy-five cents?"

And just this past summer, I recall having a dream in which I was handing a particularly large and soft bag of take-out food to a customer at the restaurant I worked at. When I woke up, my pillow was on the floor on the other side of the room.

[Eats_Crayons]

Originally posted by Lady Venom
Finally, after me 10 minutes, he told me he had a dream in which he drop kicked a ninja down a flight of stairs and the sound it made was WAY funny.
I've woken laughing a couple of times. The shaking of my body caused by the laughter is what woke me.

The first time it happened, the dream that made me laugh so hard was actually pretty lame, but in dreamland I thought it was hysterical. The second was funny.

I dreamt I was the goalie for the Canadian, women's, Olympic hockey team. I'm only 5'4" and about 118 lbs and I can barely skate. The pads were almost as big as my body. There was a bad pile-up at center ice. The puck came lose, the other goalie rush forward to get it, someone elses' stick slid towards me, so I hit the loose stick with my own as hard as I could, it flew toward the puck, hit it, puck when into net -- score!. In the dream it was the first goal of the first game of the first Olympic event -- the crowd went wild! I was a hero!

But thats not what made me laugh -- I dreamt that later on I watched the whole sequence with me in oversized goalie gear in a slow motion replay on CNN while drinking beer in a bar.

I started laughing uproarously -- my housemate said he heard this very weird, Wicked Witch of the West cackling coming out of my room. Like Venom's fiancé I was pretty much choking from laughing so hard -- in that weird, shrill cackle that did not sound like my usual laugh.

The Wicked Witch noises scared the hell out of him! He came to investigate with a tennis racket in hand as a weapon to beat back the Cackling Demon. Took me several minutes to compose myself enough to tell him I'd had a funny dream.

[Fern Forest]

Originally posted by Latch
Did you answer the question correctly? ;) Yup! But I'm glad that was the entire length of the conversation. Judging by previous posters I might have said something that I'd never be able to live down.

[ReuvenB]

I've got two.

I once woke up to find that i had drank two full cartons of orange juice while sleepwalking. I promptly threw up.

I usually fall asleep on my back, but roll over while sleeping. Sometimes when I roll over, I pin my arm under the rest of my body. My arm falls asleep, and when I wake up in the morning, I end up using one arm to bang the alarm clock with the other. This time, however, I rolled out of bed in the middle of the night, with my arm thoroughly numb, and unable to move it. When I rolled out of bed, I hit my shoulder on something, possibly a dresser. I spent about 20 minutes looking for my arm, thinking it had fallen off when my shoulder was hit.

[kalex]

I had a dream that someone was chasing me, pulling my hair. I was running away - to no avail - and getting more panicked, until I reached over my shoulder and threw a punch. At that moment I woke up and realized I had just punched my poor cat, Louie, in the head. He had his front feet in my hair doing that flexing thing. Luckily for Lou, he's a bruiser, and his head is a chunk of cement. He looked at me like I'd gone insane and very disdainfully rearranged himself on the floor next to the bed. Where he sat. Staring. We're now in couples counciling.

[susan_foster]

I crochet (not much recently, sadly). Anyway, one year I was crocheting an afghan for my dad - worked on it every night - really involved. One night I woke up - I was sitting up in bed, facing the headboard, pillow in my left hand. I had been crocheting in my sleep , with the pillow as the afghan. The only reason I woke up is that I had dropped the imaginary hook.

Susan

[Pábitel]

I lived at home for one year of college. I intentionally set up my schedule so that most all of my classes were in the afternoon or at least late morning so I could stay up late. My mother didn't like this and so would come into my bedroom before she left for work (about 6 am) to "tell me something that just couldn't wait." For a while this worked and she messed up a lot of days by making it so I couldn't get back to sleep. After half a dozen times though I just stopped waking up and answered her in my sleep. I'll never know half of what she told me. Most of it was stupid crap she thought up just to wake me up. Every once in a while she would come home and say, "Did you get the milk?" and I would have no idea what she was talking about.

[dil]

Oh man, I have a million of these. Here's the most recent occurrence:

Right before I fell asleep, I checked the alarm clock to see what time it was set for. It showed 6:45. As soon as I fell asleep, I had a dream. In the dream, I checked the alarm time just like I had done while awake, and it said "6:45" and then the display changed to "BRING" and then "FOOD". My wife had set the alarm so I figured it was a reminder message she had somehow put on the alarm clock. My wife woke up early the next morning and the following conversation took place while I was still mostly asleep:

Wife: "What does the clock say?"

Dil: "Bring food."

Wife: "What??? What does the clock say???"

Dil: "It says BRING FOOD, ok? I don't know why."

Wife: "You're not making any sense! Will you look at the clock and tell me what it says?"

Dil: "I told you! It says BRING FOOD! You put in on there! Why do you keep bugging me?"

After stumbling to the shower and finally fully waking up, I remembered the half-asleep conversation we had had and started laughing hysterically. Of course, I immediately told my wife about my dream and she got a kick out of it.

I still have no idea what "bring food" means.

[Gr8Kat]

I probably shouldn't post this, but this morning I had a terrible dream that my husband and I were fighting about sex. He was criticizing me in front of my sister, accusing me of being cold to him, really hurtful stuff, and I was screaming and crying. Next thing I knew, we were in bed and he was trying to spoon with me. I was so mad, I tried to kick him to get his legs away from mine. When I woke I, I realized he'd already left for work and I was kicking my cat who was curled up behind me knees. :o

[Sunshine and Smiles]

My mom told me once that I had been sleepwalking. In it, I had marched into my sisters (formerly my) room, and turned the light on. I then proceeded to yell a few times "I need a book! I gotta read a book!" I was laughing really hard by the time she finished that story.

Also, sometimes I'll wake up and find all my sheets are totally across my room. I'm really interested in seeing what I did.

I get the kinda dreams where someone tosses a ball to me, and here it comes, slowly, slowly, closer, closer, and when it hits me, I jerk awake. Anyone else get that?

[Zazie]

Ok sorry I am cheating, this isn't a post but it won't get me to the second page of the oh so excellent thread! Maybe if I reply to it and it takes me to my post it will get me there...
Please go on weird dreamers !