The Day Kid Czarcasm Rode Into Town - finish this Western story

[jeanster]

[Author’s Note: This is a just a fun little piece I started as a welcome gesture to one of our newest and youngest members: Kid Czarcasm. Now that’s a name that begs to have a western story written about it. Anyone else is welcome to join in and help finish this story. Oh, and here’s the obligatory disclaimer: Any similarities between the characters in this story and any real persons are strictly coincidental.]

Things were quiet at the moment in the sleepy little western town of Strate Dohpe. The sheriff figured he’d better enjoy it while it lasted.

“You never know when trouble will come riding into town,” he said to himself.

He stepped into the saloon to see if folks inside were behaving proper-like.

“Howdy, Sheriff,” said Jake the bartender.

“Howdy, Jake. Everything okay here?”

“Just fine and dandy.”

Just then old Ned Turner rushed into the saloon.

“Where’s the sheriff?” shouted Ned.

“Ned, if you’d wear those eyeglasses the doc made for you, then you’d see that I’m standing right here two feet in front of you.”

“Sheriff! Kid Czarcasm just rode into town!”

The sheriff stared at old Ned.

“Did I just hear you right?” asked the sheriff coldly.

“Lemme repeat that fer ya! KID CZARCASM JUST RODE INTO TOWN!”

The sheriff’s expression became very determined. Without another word he walked out of the saloon.

He didn’t have to walk far to find the Kid. There was no mistaking that young figure over in front of Lizzie’s Restaurant. The Kid was hitching his pony to the post. Then the Kid slowly turned and stared at the sheriff. The Kid walked over toward the lawman and stopped just a foot in front of him.

“Kid Czarcasm, I didn’t expect to see you again so soon,” said the sheriff.

“Howdy, Pa,” said the Kid grinning. “Is anyone here in town annoying you? Better not be. That’s MY job.”

“You all done with that business in Montana?”

“Yes, sir. Good thing I finished early. Don’t know if you heard, but the Barker Brothers are aiming to come here and tear apart his peaceful little town. I’m here to help you fend them off.”

“Those Barker Brothers are mighty bad news, son. Have you been keeping up with your sharp-shooting?”

“Do bears poopie in the woods?”

“Mind your language, son. Your ma and I brought you up better than that.”

“Since when is ‘poopie’ a naughty word?”

“It’s not. But if you want to be a living legend who defends the weak and helpless by fighting crime, how’s it going to sound if you go around saying ‘poopie’? Won’t do much for your image, will it?”

“Guess it wouldn’t. So is it going to be the two of us against the Barker Brothers? There are eight of them, you know.”

“Four for you and four for me. They don’t stand a chance, son.”

“KID CZARCASM!” squealed a woman rushing out of the restaurant.

“Howdy, Miss Lizzie,” greeted the Kid politely as he tipped his hat.

“Well, ain’t you the most darling’ little cutie puh-tootie!” Lizzie gushed as she reached over and pinched the Kid’s face.

Kid Czarcasm blushed and wished Lizzie wouldn’t do that. She’d been greeting him like that every time she saw him since the day he was born.

“I’m fourteen now, Miss Lizzie. Don’t you think I’m too old to get my cheek pinched like that?”

“Oh, you may be fourteen, Kid Czarcasm, but in my eyes you’ll always been that adorable scamp of a toddler that I used to baby-sit!”

“Come on, son,” said the sheriff. “Let’s go say hello to your ma. Afternoon to you, Miss Lizzie.”

“Afternoon, sheriff. Kid, don’t you be a stranger now. You be sure to come on over to my restaurant for some pie and coffee before you leave town.”

[Mr. Miskatonic]

"Me like pie" said Kid Czarcasm

[jeanster]

:smack:

Correction: “Oh, you may be fourteen, Kid Czarcasm, but in my eyes you’ll always be that adorable scamp of a toddler that I used to baby-sit!”

[jeanster]

The Barker Brothers had sent a spy ahead to see what was going on in the town of Strate Dohpe. He reported back to them with the latest news.

“Guess who just rode into the town of Strate Dohpe?” said the spy.

“Do we look like we have time for stupid guessing games? Just tell us or I’ll put a bullet in your skull,” said the oldest Barker Brother.

“KID CZARCASM!” said the spy.

“Tarnation! We had a chance when it was only the sheriff, but now that his son has come back, well, that changes things. Boys, we’re going have to come up with a plan.”

[Kid Czarcasm]

This is a good story so far. Please continue.

[jeanster]

Originally posted by Kid Czarcasm
This is a good story so far. Please continue.

Thanks, Kid Czarcasm. I'll be working on the next installment as time permits. I have several ideas on how this story could go. I may have something to add within the next couple of days.

Message to the talented authors who contributed to the "Finish the western" thread started by Ivylass: You're more than welcome to come over here and have fun adding to this story I started. In fact, I'd be honored if you could share your talents here. I was very impressed with the story you all wrote together.

[jeanster]

Kid Czarcasm’s ma greeted her son with a warm hug and a smile.

“I’ve been riding for days, Ma. I could really use a nice hot bath about now.”

“Go on, then. There are plenty of fresh clean towels in the cupboard. Lunch will be ready in couple of hours. But if you’re hungry now, I can fix a snack for you to eat when you’re done with your bath.”

“I can wait until lunch, Ma. Thanks.”

The Kid headed upstairs.

His mother watched until she saw her son enter the bathroom and close the door. Then she turned to her husband and spoke.

“Dear, do you remember what day this is?”

The sheriff nodded.

“I’ve been growing more anxious as this day drew closer,” said his wife. “What are we going to do?”

“What can we do?” replied the sheriff. “I’ve thought about it. Part of me tries to convince myself that it was all just a crazy dream.”

“But how can two individuals have the same dream?”

“They can’t. Which is why we know it really happened.”

“Should we tell him?”

“I don’t know if that’d be wise.”

They were interrupted by a knock at the front door.

The sheriff looked outside the window to see who was there. Then he slowly opened the door.

“I’ve been expecting you,” he said to the tall figure standing on the front porch.

“May I come in?”

“I don’t think I could stop you.” The sheriff stepped aside and allowed the visitor to enter their home.

“Thank you,” said the tall figure. He smiled. “I’m sensing some hostility. Please understand that I’m not the bad guy here. In fact, if I hadn’t come here three years ago, your son would be six feet under in a marked grave. Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t let you take our son away from us,” said the sheriff.

“Sheriff, don’t you get it? I’m not here to take your son from you. It’s out of my hands. In just a few hours it will be exactly three years from the time you agreed to let me help by extending your son’s life so that he could make a real difference in this world. I don’t make the rules. All he gets are three years. Then it’ll be over for him. But he’s helped a lot of people, hasn’t he?”

“Pa? Who’s that and what is he talking about?”

Kid Czarcasm had come downstairs. He hadn’t taken his bath yet.

“I heard the knock at the door, so I peeked to see it was. What’s all this crazy talk about me and death and three years?”

The visitor looked at the sheriff.

“You never told him, did you?”

“No.”

“Tell me what? I want to know what’s going on.”

“Sit down, son. It’s a long story.”

So the sheriff told Kid Czarcasm about what happened three years ago.

“You were eleven years old, son. And you almost died with fever. The doctor said there was nothing he could do, short of a miracle. We didn’t know what was ailing you. Then this stranger here showed up and said it didn’t have to be your time to leave this world just yet. Said something about you being a ‘chosen one’, a ‘champion’ who could help people.”

The stranger offered to tell the rest of the story, and the sheriff agreed.

“You would have died that day, Kid Czarcasm. But the ones for whom I work sent me to you, and I told your parents they had a choice: either send me away and let you die, or let me save you so that you could live for three more years to become a living legend: Kid Czarcasm, one who the outlaws would underestimate because of your youth and size. Ever wonder why sharp-shooting and fighting came so easily for you? You can out-draw and out-fight most grown men without even breathing hard. Those are gifts bestowed upon you to use while you are the champion. Unfortunately, your time as the champion is drawing to an end. At exactly the twelfth hour of the twelfth day of the twelfth month, that is, noon today, December 12th, it will be over. I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do, much as I’d like to help.”

Kid Czarcasm stared at the visitor.

“How will it end? During a shoot-out with the Barker Brothers?”

“That has not been revealed to me.”

“Son, you stay away from those Barker Brothers,” said the Kid’s mother. “I won’t have you participating in any fights today.”

“I’m afraid that won’t do any good, ma’am. For all we know your son could get bitten by a rattlesnake today, and that’d be it.”

“Ma. Pa. If I’m going to die today, it’s going to be on my terms: doing what I do best. I’m going to face those Barker Brothers today when they try to tear up this town.”

“Son, no!”

“I have to do this.” The Kid turned to the visitor. “So what happens after I’m gone? Who’s going to fight the criminals and outlaws?”

“A new champion will take your place. At this very moment one of my associates is on his way to the next chosen one who will be facing death on the twelfth hour of the twelfth day of the twelfth month. That child will most likely be saved and become the new champion for three years, depending on if his parents agree to it.”

[Narrator: Will Kid Czarcasm die in a shoot-out with the Barker Brothers? Or will he escape the death predicted by the mysterious visitor? Check back here later for the next installment.]

[Kid Czarcasm]

No, I will not die. I am too cool to die.

[jeanster]

You're not only too cool to die, but you're too cute to die. All your fangirls would hate that.

:D

Another possible version of this story, only it'd be more of a grown-up version would be like this: Kid Czarcasm would be a little older, like maybe nineteen years old or early twenties. And he'd ride a horse instead of pony because he'd be tall and really good-looking. Instead of hitching his horse in front of Lizzie's Restaurant, he'd be hitching his horse in front of Lizzie's House of Pleasure. And instead of going to meet his dad the sheriff, he'd go inside Lizzie's House of Pleasure where all the lovely women inside would be fighting over him.

But since you're only fourteen, I decided to write it the other way.

:)

[Kid Czarcasm]

I have fangirls?

[jeanster]

The Kid’s mother said firmly, “Now listen here, son! You march on upstairs and take your bath! Then afterward you stay in your room until I call you to come back downstairs for lunch!”

Kid Czarcasm could tell from the look on his mother’s face that she was serious. She was in total denial about the situation of his pending death, but serious. He decided for the moment to humor her.

“Yes, Ma,” he said. The Kid figured he would plan what his next move would be while taking his bath.

The sheriff looked at the mysterious visitor.

“If there’s nothing you can to do help us, then why did you show up here today?” asked the sheriff.

“I have to witness the death of your son before I can report back to my superiors and have this case recorded in the archives. Sorry if it sounds cold, but I’m just doing my job.”

There was a knock on the bathroom door as the Kid sat in the tub.

“Who is it?” asked the Kid.

“Me.” The Kid recognized the voice of his younger brother.

“What do you want?”

The door opened and a young face of an eight-year old boy peeked in.

“Can I have your room after you’re gone?”

Kid Czarcasm stared at his younger sibling. Apparently the child had been eavesdropping.

“Is that all you can say? I might die in just a couple of hours and all you want is my room?

“Of course not! Can I also have your pony and your collection of dime novels? Oh, and your clothes and boots, too?”

“Geeeez, I’ll miss you, too, you little turd!” The Kid aimed and threw his duck-shaped sponge at his little brother. It hit the child and bounced off harmlessly.

“Ooh, your favorite ducky bath sponge! Can I have this, too?”

Kid Czarcasm rolled his eyes. “Go ahead and take it, you vulture.”

“Thanks, big brother!” The child scooped up the duck-shaped sponge and left, closing the door behind him.

The Kid stared at the door.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered.

Meanwhile outside town where the Barker Brothers were camped, a wiry tall young male figure moved silently behind some trees as he observed the men discussing ideas for a plan. They were not aware of the young man watching and listening to them.

Later back at the sheriff’s home the Kid sat in his room and waited for his mother to call him downstairs for lunch. He felt a hand tapping on his left boot. He looked down to see the face of his younger brother poke out from under his bed.

“What are you doing down there?”

“Just checking your stash of dime novels you keep hidden. You’ve got quite a lot here.”

“Come out from under there.”

The younger boy crawled out and sat next to his older brother. Then he grinned.

“I was just funning you earlier. I don’t want you to get killed today. Promise you won’t die, okay?”

Kid Czarcasm smiled. “It might be a promise I can’t keep, but I’ll do my best. And you can still have all my worldly possessions if I do go today.”

The two brothers hugged each other.

The Kid could feel the younger boy trembling.

“Hey, are you crying?” asked the Kid.

The younger boy looked up. His eyes were red and tears rolled down his face. Then the child sobbed. Kid Czarcasm held his brother close to him and did his best to console him, even though he himself was still a child and needed some consoling during this time.


TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

The sheriff faced the mysterious visitor.

“Do I understand you correctly? You’re going to just stand by and witness my son get killed so you can record it in your ‘archives’? And your excuse for not stepping in to do everything in your power to stop my boy from getting killed is that it’s YOUR JOB?”

“I’m afraid so. It’s nothing personal, Sheriff.”

“If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem. Get the hell out of my house.”

The sheriff’s wife chimed in. “You’ll understand if I don’t invite you to stay for lunch.”

“That’s all right. I understand. I was about to step outside anyway. I have to take this call.” The mysterious visitor removed a small device from his pocket and headed for the front door.

The sheriff and his wife exchanged puzzled glances.

Outside on the porch the visitor held the device to his ear.

“Yes? Well, that is interesting. This might not be a simple matter of closing the Kid Czarcasm file after all. Any word on where I can find this intruder? Okay. I’m on it.”

The visitor placed the device back into his pocket. He glanced upward toward a window of the sheriff’s house. Two young faces stared at him: Kid Czarcasm and his younger brother Lucas.

Inside the house the boys’ mother called them down to lunch. As the family sat and ate they did their best to make pleasant conversation as if there was nothing to worry about. Kid Czarcasm looked at the clock on the fireplace mantle.

“Eleven-thirty,” he said softly. “Only half an hour before my time will be up.”

“Don’t talk like that, son,” said his mother. “You’re going to stay put in this house. I’ll not have you getting gunned down by the Barker Brothers or anyone else.”

“Ma, don’t you get it? I might be endangering the rest of you here by staying home. What if by staying here it’ll mean the Barker Brothers come charging in and killing me right here in this house? I can’t risk my own family getting hurt, too! I have to leave and face them on my own.”

“Son, I’ll go with you if that’s what you’re really going to do,” said the sheriff.

“Maybe you shouldn’t, Pa. If I don’t make it back, Ma and Lucas are going to need you. They shouldn’t have to bury the both of us.”

The Kid’s mother began to weep. Young Lucas stared crying, too.

Kid Czarcasm got up from his chair and walked over to his mother. He hugged her and kissed her face. Then he did the same for his younger brother and his father.

“I love you all,” said Kid Czarcasm. “Remember that.”

Then he headed for the front door, opened it, walked out and closed the door behind him without looking back.

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

Seconds after the door closed the sheriff turned to his wife and youngest son.

"I'll be damned if I'll let my boy face the Barker Brothers alone." He grabbed his weapons and headed for the door.

"Pa!" cried Lucas. "Bring back my brother alive! I'm only eight years old! I'm too young to be the new man of the house!"

"Don't you worry, son. I'll be back, and so will your brother." The sheriff kissed his wife and youngest son good-bye. Then he walked out the door.

The tall wiry young man named Lucas Carter who was secretly observing the Barker Brothers thought of the events that led him to this time and place. Twenty years in the future he met and saved the life of a time traveler from the 26th century. As a token of his appreciation, the time traveler offered Lucas a chance to go back in time to try to save the life of his brother Kid Czarcasm who died while battling the Barker Brothers.

"You have one round-trip ticket to go back in time to that fateful day," the time traveler said. "Don't blow it. And be very careful what you do. You don't want to return to find your world taken over by damn dirty apes."

"What?" asked Lucas in confusion.

"Never mind. I was making a joke. That was just a pop culture reference to a very old movie I saw," said the time traveler.

The lives of Lucas and his parents were shattered that day when Kid Czarcasm died.

"People shouldn't outlive their offspring," the sheriff had said when they mourned the loss of their son.

Lucas looked at his watch. It had been adjusted to show the correct time of this day: the twelfth day of the twelfth month of the year that Kid Czarcasm died.

"I won't let you down, big brother," Lucas whispered to himself. Then suddenly Lucas saw him coming over the horizon: Kid Czarcasm riding his pony and not showing any fear. He looked like he just going for a pleasant ride to enjoy the scenery.

Lucas couldn't get over how little the Kid appeared. The last time Lucas saw his brother alive was when Lucas himself was only eight years old. And from the viewpoint of a small eight year child, fourteen year old Kid Czarcasm looked tall and mighty.

But now Lucas was a grown man of twenty-eight years and engaged to marry a wonderful gal named Daisy.

"You would have liked my brother," Lucas had told Daisy. "If he was still living today, I'd have him be my best man at our wedding."

I must be at least a foot taller than him now, thought Lucas. Gee, he looks so cute riding that little pony. Funny, I never thought he looked cute when I was eight years old. He was just my big brother who loved to annoy Pa and sometimes teased me.

Lucas realized that Kid Czarcasm, although a legend in his own time when it came to sharp-shooting and fighting criminals and outlaws, had one weakness. The Kid was too proud to ask for help from anyone, even from those who would risk their lives to help him.

Well, he's going to have help today whether he wants it or not, thought Lucas. After the Kid died the sheriff had spent years teaching Lucas how to fight and shoot. Lucas honed his skills until he became almost as good as his legendary brother.

Sometimes Lucas wondered if his brother had ever taken his abilities for granted. After all, those magical gifts were bestowed upon the Kid in an instant. It took Lucas years to become the skilled marksman and fighter that his father hoped he would become. Lucas never resented his brother for it. He just wondered about it.

TO BE CONTINUED

[FairyDust]

Might be fun to somehow work in Kid Czarcasm's love for chocolate (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=179433&perpage=50&pagenumber=2) into this story.

[jeanster]

One of the Barker Brothers saw the small figure riding the pony headed their way.

"Well, speak of the Devil! Look who's comin'! And he doesn't have his pa with him!"

The oldest Barker Brother turned to see for himself. He grinned.

"Keep your guns holstered," he said. "Don't shoot him. Just yet, that is. Let's have some fun with him first."

"Is he really as fast as everyone says he is?" asked the youngest Barker Brother. "I've never seen him in action before."

"He is, and then some," said the oldest Barker Brother. "I've seen what he did a year ago in Wyoming."

Kid Czarcasm on his pony came to a halt.

"Howdy, gentlemen. Would you all be the Barker Brothers?"

"That's us," said the oldest. "My name's Mike Barker. You must be the famous Kid Czarcasm. Shouldn't you be home taking a nap about this time, sonny? Growing boys need their rest. If you turn around now and hurry home maybe your ma will let you have some milk and cookies after your nap."

The Kid smiled as the Barker Brothers chuckled at what Mike said.

"That's a good one. I get teased a lot about my youth and size," said Kid Czarcasm. "May I ask you gents something?"

"Sure," said Mike.

"Is it true you all are fixin' to ride into the town of Strate Dohpe and tear it apart?"

"Yep. What about it?"

"Any particular reason why?"

"How about just 'cuz it's there? How about 'cuz it's what criminals and outlaws do? How about 'cuz I happen to think it has a stupid name for a town? I seen the big sign posted on the outskirts. It looks like it was painted by someone too damn drunk to spell it right!"

"Mr. Barker, is there anything I can say to persuade you and your brothers to leave the town of Strate Dohpe alone?"

All eyes of the younger Barker Brothers turned to Mike as he drew in his breath before answering the Kid's question.

"I highly doubt that, Kid," said Mike Barker. "Now look around you. There are eight of us and only one of you. And you're just an undersized runt. Still a young child. Are you sure you don't want to just turn around and go home like a good boy and leave the rough gunplay for us grownups?"

"I can't do that, Mr. Barker. We're going to settle this right here and now," said the Kid.

"Darn shame. Tell you what. You may not know this, but I seen you in action back when you were in Wyoming. You're the fastest little whipper-snapper when it comes to drawin' and fightin'. Amazing stuff. Too bad you're not a Barker Brother. It'd be great to have some real talent in our group. Any chance you'd be interested in working with us?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I think you already know I'll have to turn it down."

"Not surprised, what with your pa being the sheriff," said Mike. He reached inside his front shirt pocket. "Relax, Kid. I'm just satisfying a craving for a bite of chocolate."

Mike Barker pulled out a candy bar, unwrapped it and bit off a chunk. It was a little melted, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Is that chocolate?" asked Kid Czarcasm.

"Yep. We looted a confectionary shop in the last town we hit. This isn't just your ordinary chocolate. It's imported. Fancy gourmet chocolate."

The Kid appeared to have forgotten why he was there. He just stared at the candy bar and his mouth dropped open.

Lucas Carter observed all of this from behind a tree. Dang, he thought, I forgot about my brother's other weakness: chocolate!

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

"Where are my manners?" said Mike Barker. "Here I am eating this delicious chocolate candy bar without offering you any. I do apologize. Kid, would you like one? We've got a couple of cases of candy. Do you like milk chocolate or dark chocolate? I'm partial to the milk chocolate myself."

"Uh, thanks, but I really shouldn't, what with it being stolen," said Kid Czarcasm.

"What?" asked one of the younger Barker Brothers. "You think you're too high and mighty to eat stolen candy, but that lowly outlaws such as we Barker Brothers can?"

"Let it go, Pete," said Mike Barker. "The Kid has his principles. Even I do, but not about the candy."

One of the Barker Brothers walked over to the Kid. He held out a candy bar.

"Here, Kid. This one isn't part of the stolen loot. I paid cash for this one, so go ahead and take it."

Mike gave a puzzled look at his brother. "Keith, that's unusually nice of you. I've never known you to part with your stuff."

Keith shrugged. "We can't have the Kid torn between drooling for chocolate and thinking of his principles, can we?"

Kid Czarcasm accepted the candy bar.

"Thanks," he said as he unwrapped it.

"You're welcome."

Keith smiled as he watched the Kid bite into the candy. He waited until the boy finished chewing and swallowing before he spoke again.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that I doctored that candy bar with something? I don't think we'll be seeing a demonstration of your amazing shooting abilities and fighting skills today, Kid Czarcasm."

The Kid stared at Keith. Then he stared at the candy bar.

"Keith, what the hell are you talking about?" said Mike.

Keith didn't answer Mike. Instead he spoke to the Kid.

"Kid, didn't your folks ever tell you not to accept candy from strangers?" said Keith.

Kid Czarcasm felt dizzy. He staggered and tried to keep from falling.

Lucas Carter watched helplessly from behind the tree. He was outnumbered, so he couldn't show himself just yet. Lucas wondered where his father was.

He should be here by now, thought Lucas. He remembered when he was eight years old seeing his father grab his weapons and march out the door to help Kid Czarcasm face the Barker Brothers.

Kid Czarcasm fell to the ground. He couldn't see clearly and his arms and legs felt like heavy weights.

"Don't worry, Kid," said Keith. "It's not fatal. It'll just temporarily slow you down. That gives us plenty of time to head over to Strate Dohpe and tear apart that little town without any intereference from you."

"Keith, I wish you hadn't done that," said Mike. "What if he's allergic to whatever it was you put in that candy?"

"What do you care? He's out of our hair either way."

"Keith," said Mike coldly, "Remember I said I have my own principles? One of those principles is that we do not hurt children."

Keith glared at Mike. "Does that mean you have no intention of going up against this Kid in a real shoot-out? Maybe you're way too soft-hearted to be leading our group! Just because you're the oldest, we've been following what you say. Maybe that needs to be changed!"

Keith turned to the other Barker Brothers. "How do the rest of you feel about this? Are you going to follow what Mike says or do you want to vote for a new leader?"

The others didn't say anything for a moment. Then one of them spoke up.

"Mike's doing just fine as our leader, so we don't need to change a thing."

"Hal, are you blind?" said Keith. "If I was leader, Kid Czarcasm would have a bullet from my gun plugged into his skull within seconds of riding into our camp! Instead, Mike is acting like a namby-pamby hostess and being all nice to the boy!"

Hal stared back at Keith. "Well, Keith, I happen to feel the same way about going up against a boy. It's one thing to engage in a shoot-out with grown men, but come on. He's just a little kid with his whole life ahead of him. Leave him alone."

"You're too soft! I can't believe I'm hearing this!"

"Let's have a show of hands," said Mike. "All of those in favor of me still being your leader raise your hands."

All the Barker Brothers except for Keith raised their hands.

"All of those who want Keith as your new leader raise your hands."

Keith glared when he saw he was the only one with his hand raised.

"It's settled," said Mike. "Now saddle up. We've got a town to tear apart."

He turned to Kid Czarcasm. "I'm real sorry about this, Kid. I'll check back to make sure you're okay after we're done looting the town. The least I can do is make you as comfortable as possible."

Mike picked up the Kid and carried him over to where a sleeping bag was spread under a tree. Then he gently placed the boy down onto the sleeping bag.

Kid Czarcasm stared upward as he listened to Mike leave and ride off with the other Barker Brothers. His vision was still blurry and he still could not move.

Lucas watched the Barker Brothers ride away. Then he emerged from behind the tree and approached his brother.

"Kid, it's okay. You probably don't recognize me and this may sound incredible, but I'm your brother Lucas."

The Kid shook his head. "Lucas? No. You don't sound like Lucas. I can't see anything."

"I'm twenty years older. I'm from the future and I'm here to stop you from getting killed."

Lucas did not hear the tall mysterious stranger quietly sneak up behind him. But he did feel it when the stranger hit him on the back of his head, thus knocking him unconscious.

"Sorry, Lucas," said the stranger. "I can't have you interfering in what's meant to be."

"What's happening? Who's there? I can't see anything!" cried the Kid.

The stranger did not answer Kid Czarcasm's questions. He grabbed Lucas and dragged him over behind a group of trees.

So where was the sheriff? Well, back at the ranch:

The sheriff was locked in his own stable. He had gone inside to get his horse when the mysterious stranger slammed the door shut and placed the bar across it to lock him inside.

"Sorry, Sheriff," said the stranger. "Can't have you interfering in what's meant to be."

"Open this door, you bastard!"

"No can do. I've got to go now and see about stopping an intruder from the future."

"Go to hell!"

"Been there. Done that," replied the stranger as he mounted his horse and rode off.

We now go to where the Barker Brothers are riding toward the town of Strate Dohpe. Keith carefully slowed down so that he was at the rear of the group. Then he discreetly turned around and headed back to the camp. The others continued riding toward the town.

The mysterious stranger stood hidden behind the group of trees. Lucas lay unconcious at his feet. Kid Czarcasm was still drugged and lying on the sleeping bag.

The Kid heard a rider on horseback approaching. The horse came to a halt, the rider dismounted and walked over toward the Kid.

"Now it's just you and me, Kid," said the rider.

Kid Czarcasm recognized Keith's voice.

"Mike and the others will come back to find you dead," said Keith. "But first you and me are going to have our own private little party."

Well, now, I didn't see that coming at all, thought the mysterious stranger observing Keith.

Kid Czarcasm tried in vain to push Keith off of him.

"Don't bother struggling, Kid," said Keith. "You and I are going to get to know each other real well."

He removed the Kid's gun belt and threw it a few yards away where it landed on the edge of a cliff.

"You won't be needing those," he said.

But before Keith could accomplish what he wanted to do, a shot rang out. Keith gasped and cried out when he felt the hot lead bullet penetrate and land into his back.

"Damn you, Keith!" yelled Mike holding his gun. "I warned you what I'd do to you if I ever caught you trying to violate another child!"

Mike got off of his horse and rushed over. He pushed Keith away from the Kid.

"You're a disgrace to our name! I'm ashamed to call you my brother! Oh, what the hell am I bothering to yell at you for? You can't hear me anymore, can you?" Mike peered into the eyes of his now motionless brother Keith.

Then he turned to Kid Czarcasm.

"I am so sorry, Kid," he said sincerely. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No. You stopped him in time."

"I rushed back when I noticed he was no longer with us. Knowing some of the sick stuff he's done in the past, and with you lying here all helpless, I figured it best to come back here pronto."

Another shot rang out. Kid Czarcasm's vision was beginning to clear. He stared up at Mike and saw the surprised look on the face of the oldest Barker Brother. Then he turned in the direction of where he heard the shot. Keith was holding a gun that was still smoking. Mike slumped down and fell over.

"I heard you just fine, Mike. Damn you," whispered Keith. Then he stared at the Kid. "You're next."

Kid Czarcasm couldn't believe what he saw. Keith pointed the gun at Kid Czarcasm. The look in his eyes was that of pure evil. Keith aimed at the Kid and fired, but nothing happened.

"Damn!" Keith muttered.

He's out of bullets, thought the Kid.

The Kid found his strength slowly coming back. He didn't know how. Maybe being endowed with those magical abilities three years ago allowed him to recover from the drugged candy quicker than he normally would. Maybe it was because he ate only one bite of the drugged candy instead of the whole bar. He didn't know and he didn't care. The Kid got up and moved toward where his gun belt had been thrown. Keith struggled to follow the Kid.

"You runt! I'll kill you with my own bare hands!" shouted Keith.

Kid Czarcasm picked up his own gun belt, but he had not completely recovered from the effects of the drug, and so the gun belt slipped from his hands and fell. The Kid was standing on the edge of a cliff. His gun belt had fallen far below.

"Damn!" muttered the Kid.

Lucas Carter had woken up a moment ago. He looked up and instantly recognized the mysterious stranger. He kicked the mysterious stranger's legs out from under him. Then he punched him hard in the face and knocked him out cold.

Lucas looked at his watch. Only seconds before the twelfth hour of the twelfth day of the twelfth month. He looked and saw Keith Barker moving toward the Kid.

Keith charged toward Kid Czarcasm. The Kid tried to elude him, but his footing gave way and he fell over the edge.

Lucas rushed over toward the edge of the cliff and sped past the angry Barker Brother.

I'm falling, thought Kid Czarcasm. I'm going to be crushed on the sharp rocks below and die!

The Kid could not believe what he saw as he looked upward. A tall wiry young man was falling down toward him. Lucas grabbed the Kid and held on tightly.

"Trust me, Kid!" shouted Lucas as the two brothers continued falling. "We're going home to see Ma and Pa!"

Suddenly a blast of light appeared. They landed on something very soft. Lucas made sure to tuck and roll as they hit the soft surface.

Kid Czarcasm opened his eyes and looked around.

"We made it! We're both alive!" said Lucas grinning.

"Good job," said the time traveler who had given Lucas the chance to go back in time to save Kid Czarcasm.

"And as you can see, you managed to accomplish your mission without tampering with events, so you've avoided causing your world to be taken over by damn dirty apes."

Lucas smiled at the time traveler. "I still don't understand you when you say that. One of these days you're going to have to explain what that means."

"Of course. But later. Right now we should welcome your legendary brother to this time and place. Kid Czarcasm, I'm sure you have a million questions to ask, don't you?"

The Kid nodded and smiled.

Afterward the time traveler returned to his own time way off in the future. He told Lucas and the others that he would not be coming back. They bid him farewell.

A week later Kid Czarcasm was settled into his new home with his family. His parents were twenty years older, so it was quite an adjustment for them to see their first born son still so young at the age of fourteen.

The Kid's father told his family something he had not revealed before.

"Son, do you remember Chief Flaming Arrow and his son Eagle Feather?"

"Yes, Pa."

Kid Czarcasm had saved the son of Chief Flaming Arrow from drowning. The Chief was so grateful that he made the Kid an honorary member of his tribe.

"Twenty years ago after you disappeared from falling over the edge of that cliff, he said something to me that at the time I thought was just his way of trying to comfort me over your death."

They waited for him to continue. The sheriff leaned back in his chair.

"He told me not to despair because one day we would be reunited with you. I thought he meant in the afterlife. But now I think he somehow was able to foresee this incredible event where Lucas would be able to go back in time and bring you here to be with us."

There was a knock at the door. Lucas went to answer it.

"Come in. We were just talking about you."

Chief Flaming Arrow and his son Eagle Feather came in. They smiled when they saw Kid Czarcasm.

"So you finally made it here!" said Eagle Feather as he embraced the Kid and hugged him.

They stayed for dinner and had a very pleasant evening.

And what happened to that mysterious stranger who was supposed to witness Kid Czarcasm's death and record it for the archives?

After he woke up from being knocked out cold from Lucas' punch, he looked around. He saw the Kid's gunbelt and hat lying on the sharp rocks below the cliff. He assumed the Kid's body had been washed away in the river below.

He couldn't ask anyone there if they'd seen anything because by that time Keith Barker had died of the bullet wound that Mike gave him.

Mike Barker died from Keith's gun shot. The other Barker Brothers drifted apart and no one heard of them again.

Lucas married Daisy. Fourteen year old Kid Czarcasm was there as his best man.

"Lucas, if you had saved my life back then so that somehow I'd stayed in the past instead of being brought here into the future, maybe Daisy would be marrying me and you'd be the best man at our wedding."

"Guess we'll never know," said Lucas.

THE END

[Baker]

Good story jeanster! I was meaning to write a chapter but you finished it first! Sorry about that. Say, you aren't a B-5 fan by any chance are you? And that bit about the chocolate was fun. Chocolate would have gotten me distracted too! I prefer the dark myself.

[jeanster]

Originally posted by Baker
Good story jeanster! I was meaning to write a chapter but you finished it first! Sorry about that. Say, you aren't a B-5 fan by any chance are you? And that bit about the chocolate was fun. Chocolate would have gotten me distracted too! I prefer the dark myself.

Thanks, Baker. Coming from you, that means a lot. No need to apologize. I'd still love to see a chapter from you, and I'm sure so would Kid Czarcasm. You could write an alternate version and post it here, if you still want to do that.

[jeanster]

Originally posted by Baker
Say, you aren't a B-5 fan by any chance are you? And that bit about the chocolate was fun. Chocolate would have gotten me distracted too! I prefer the dark myself.

Actually, I haven't seen any episodes of Babylon 5. But if it's available on DVD, I might rent or buy it, now that we finally have a DVD player.

I take it B-5 has some time travel elements in it? I have no idea what the series is mainly about, other than it's sci-fi.

Hello, my name is Jeanster and I am a choco-holic.

I hope the real Kid Czarcasm likes how the story ended. He hasn't posted anything since May 1st. Guess he's busy with Anime, games, and homework.

[Baker]

Well, there is a time travel development in B-5, but it's not a regular part of the plot. The plot point that used time travel makes it really more of a time displacement. Hard to explain without seeing it. Actually, I was thinking more of the fact that Kid Czarcasm was supposed to die but was given extra time to do something else. Again, it's a fourth season thing.

Not meaning to hijack, but B-5 is the best science fiction television in my not so humble opinion. I taped it from the televsion. Three times. One for me, one copy to lend out, and one for my nephews when they're old enough. This may sound odd, but after getting hooked on B-5 I'll never laugh at soap opera fans again. Once I found myself worrying over the actions of several characters, particularly the station security chief(a recovering alcoholic) I had to keep reminding myself "It's only a TV show" And being religous myself I found that the show's respectful treatment of religion(in all it's many flavors) was a point in it's favor. Check out "The Parliament of Dreams" from the first season, or "Passing Through Gethsemane" from the third season. Tell you what, if you would like to borrow a couple of tapes, if you can't find it on VHS or DVD, let me know. Some of the regulars you can recognize from other shows and there's a number of interesting guest appearances, like David Warner, Michael York, Majel Barret, Penn and Teller, Theodore Bikel, and Paul Winfield, and Brad Dourif.

Okay, I'll shut up about B-5 now. But I meant it about lending you tapes.

Hmm, an alternate version. Interesting. Veeeery interesting!

[jeanster]

Originally posted by Baker
Okay, I'll shut up about B-5 now. But I meant it about lending you tapes.

Hmm, an alternate version. Interesting. Veeeery interesting!

Baker, that's so nice of you to offer to lend me the tapes. As it turns out, we have a friend who is also very much the serious B-5 fan. He even bought some of the B-5 paperback novels. Anyway, he has the first season on DVD and he also taped the other episodes. I asked him to pick out one episode that he feels will totally hook me and make me become a fan of B-5. So he'll loan it to me, and any others I'd like to see.

I'll let you know if I do indeed become a serious fan of B-5. I've read the reviews over at the Internet Movie Data Base. The reviewers there said what you did, about it being the best sci-fi series on tv.

[FairyDust]

We could call it Leave It To Lucas. Still set back in the days of the Old West. Plot for the pilot episode: Eight-year old Lucas Carter decides he wants to be just like his older brother Kid Czarcasm. He plays hooky from school one day to go out in search of outlaws so he can bring them in to face justice. He crosses paths with a gang of outlaws planning to break into the town of Strate Dohpe’s only bank. Kid Czarcasm has to intervene to save the day as well as the life of little brother. Hilarity ensues.

:D

[jeanster]

Inspired by this thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=179433&perpage=50&pagenumber=2):

Czarcasm wrote:

*sigh*
It figures that the first posting from my offspring would be about chocolate. He'd eat a full size chocolate elephant if you gave it to him.


day five of eating

my chocolate elephant

can i finish it?


:)

[jeanster]

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the The Highlander movie or television series.

MIKE BARKER
Whoa! I'm alive? But my rotten brother Keith shot me dead!

IMMORTAL STRANGER
You're now one of us: an Immortal who can only die if your head is chopped off. I'm here to teach you all you'll need to know to survive. You'll learn about Quickenings and how to keep your head and how to wield a sword and how there can be only one.

MIKE BARKER
Only one what?

IMMORTAL STRANGER
That question and any others you have will be answered in good time. Right now we've got to get you out of here before anyone sees you.

MIKE BARKER
Wait! What about the Kid? Where is he? He was right here! Is he all right? Did Keith hurt him?

IMMORTAL STRANGER
He's fine. You'll see him later. Much later. In twenty years.

Twenty years go by during which time Mike Barker learns how to live and survive as an Immortal. Mike still looks like he's only thirty-five years old and always will now that he is an Immortal.

IMMORTAL STRANGER
Hello, Mike. I'm back. Remember when you asked about the Kid?

MIKE BARKER
Yes.

IMMORTAL STRANGER
Come with me. I'll take you to him.

Next scene which takes place at the wedding reception of Lucas Carter and his beloved Daisy:

MIKE BARKER
Hey! We're at a wedding reception. There's the Kid! How come he still looks like a fourteen-year old boy?

IMMORTAL STRANGER
His brother Lucas was able to travel through time and bring him forward twenty years into the future. Something is going to happen at this wedding reception that will affect Kid Czarcasm in way he never dreamed possible.

Next scene:

MIKE BARKER
Everyone died at the wedding reception? Who poisoned the wedding cake?

IMMORTAL STRANGER
Someone avenging the execution of a convicted and condemned criminal who Lucas Carter arrested.

MIKE BARKER
Hey, look at the Kid! He's waking up!

IMMORTAL STRANGER
Mike, now it's your turn to teach a new Immortal what he'll need to know to live and survive.

MIKE BARKER
What? Kid Czarcasm is now an Immortal?

IMMORTAL STRANGER
No flies on you, huh?

Mike stares at the Immortal Stranger blankly.

IMMORTAL STRANGER (sighs)
Yes. Kid Czarcasm is now an Immortal. You are to teach the boy. It is now time for me to leave. You will never see me again.

MIKE BARKER (rushes over to Kid Czarcasm)
Kid! Remember me?

KID CZARCASM (very surprised)
Mike Barker?

Next scene:

KID CZARCASM
Mike, why'd you save me from your brother Keith? I'm grateful, of course. But he was your brother and you're an outlaw.

MIKE BARKER
Years ago I caught Keith hurting a young boy. The child couldn't have been more than eight. I almost killed Keith right then and there, but my other brothers objected. So I gave Keith another chance. He thought I let him stay in our gang out of family loyalty, but it was really so I could keep my eye on him. I did tell him privately that if I ever caught him violating another child, I'd shoot him dead. He must have thought I wasn't serious.

KID CZARCASM
So it's just the two of us now. My family and friends are gone. So are yours, right?

MIKE BARKER
I've outlived them, so yeah.

The Kid is very quiet for a few minutes. Mike sees a tear rolling down the Kid's face.

MIKE BARKER
Kid, I know this won't bring back your loved ones who died at the wedding reception, but I'll help you find and bring to justice whoever it was responsible.

KID CZARCASM
Thanks, Mike. But why?

MIKE BARKER
Why not? I've been given a second chance at life. A fresh start. What do you say? Do you want my help?

KID CZARCASM
I sure do. Thanks.

Mike Barker and Kid Czarcasm eventually do find and bring to justice the one responsible for poisoning the wedding cake. Afterward they have further adventures fending off other Immortals who try to take off their heads. Mike and the Kid manage to experience some Quickenings of their own when they succeed in decapitating Immortals who mistakenly thought they could easily kill Mike and the Kid.

THE END

[FairyDust]

(Hey, I like the Highlander! He's cool!)

[Disclaimer: I certainly don't own The Highlander, much as I'd like to.]

The Diary of Kid Czarcasm the Immortal

Date: May 11, 2003


Ran into another Immortal who tried to take my head. Fortunately I was near a church so I ran inside. He followed me. Then he realized that we were both on Holy Ground. "Nyaahh, nyaahh, nyaahh!" I said. He looked so pissed. Then it looked like he was one of those Immortals who doesn't give a flying f*ck about the rule about not fighting on Holy Ground. He started coming at me and he was wielding his sword. "Oh, sh*t!" I thought and ran outside. The Immortal followed me. I almost collided into some tall dude wearing a long dark coat. I could sense he was another Immortal. Geez! They're coming out of the woodwork! But get this! The tall Immortal dude pulled out his sword and started fighting the one who was trying to take my head! And since I'm here writing in this diary, you can guess who won. We talked. The tall dude's name is Duncan MacLeod. Cool name, huh? Anyway, he sent me home and warned me to be careful. Nice to know there are some good Immortals out there.

Told Mike about it. Also told Mike about that young teenaged girl who walked over to me yesterday while I was playing pool and asked me if I wanted to get boinked.

That's the first time I ever saw Mike shoot coffee out of his nose. He seemed relieved when I told him I told that girl no.

Note to self: Make sure Mike is not eating or drinking anything when I tell him something that might shock him.

[jeanster]

[Disclaimer: I do not own The Highlander or any of the Immortals.]

Mike Barker the Immortal was trying to decide where to go for lunch when he received the telephone call from the principal of the local middle school regarding a fight in which Kid Czarcasm was involved.

Mike was disappointed to hear that, as he was hoping the telephone call would be from a client. Business as a self-employed private investigator was very slow. He had hung out his shingle a week ago, but so far no one had requested his services.

So when Mike heard the principal identify himself over the phone, his first thought was, “Any chance he wants to hire me to investigate a drug problem in the school?”

No such luck. It was Kid Czarcasm’s first day in this school and already Mike was getting a call about the Kid being involved in a fight.

The Kid had been strongly against the idea of enrolling in the local middle school in the first place.

“I’m well over a hundred years old! I don’t need to go to school!” he argued.

“You know that, and I know that,” said Mike. “But you still look like you’re only fourteen, and the truant officer has already paid us a visit to make sure we get you in school. So until we can move out of this city and start fresh elsewhere, you’ll have to go to school.”

Being an Immortal has its pros and cons. Not aging can be thought of as a pro, but the Kid didn’t like being treated like a child just because he looked like one.

“I’ll be bored out of my gourd in those classes!” he griped.

“Please, Kid, just do this. Think of it as working undercover, if it’ll help. You’ll pretend to be an ordinary fourteen year old student when in reality you’ll be working as my assistant looking for possible criminal activities going on in that school.”

The Kid glared. “This bites!”

But he went to school. And now Mike had to pay a visit to the principal regarding a fight.

When Mike arrived at the school the receptionist gave him a warm bright smile.

“Go right in, Mr. Barker. Principal Jenkins is expecting you.”

Mike entered the office. Kid Czarcasm was seated in a chair and he looked very bored.

“Hi, Mike,” said the Kid.

“Hi, Kid.” Mike peered closely at the Kid. No scratches, no marks, no visible signs of any injuries.

“The principal said you were involved in a fight.”

“I was only defending myself. I didn’t choose to be dragged into a fight.”

“I figured it was something like that.”

Principal Jenkins cleared his throat.

“Ahem! Thank you for coming, Mr. Barker. Please have a seat.”

After exchanging the expected pleasantries, the principal got to the point.

“Mr. Barker, your ward Jesse was seen fighting with another boy in the hallway.”

Jesse Carter was the name Kid Czarcasm used when he enrolled in the school.

“Defending himself isn’t the same as fighting,” said Mike. “I’m sure you understand that. And I’d like to hear Jesse’s account of what happened before I leave this office.”

“Of course. Go ahead, Jesse. Tell us what happened.”

“I was putting my books in my locker when suddenly someone grabbed me by the back of my collar, yanked me and slammed me into the lockers on the other side of the hallway. It was some big kid, at least a foot taller than me.”

“Larry Thompson. Then what happened?” asked the principal.

“I asked him what the heck he thought he was doing. He said he was going to pound me into the ground because his girlfriend said I was hot and she wanted to do me. Heck, I don’t know who his girlfriend is! It’s only my first day, and I haven’t had time to meet any girls here!”

Mike smiled. The Kid was very good-looking, so naturally he would attract the attention of the females in this school. First day at school and the Kid probably has a huge fangirl following, thought Mike.

“So then what happened?” asked Mike.

“I defended myself.”

“Mr. Barker, Larry Thompson had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for his injuries.”

“Serves him right for picking on someone smaller than he is. I certainly hope that Thompson boy has learned his lesson.”

“Is that all you have to say about this?”

“What else is there to say? Starting a fight is a lousy way to make a new kid feel welcome, don’t you agree?”

“Well, there’s also the matter of Jesse’s disrespectful manner of speaking to his history teacher.”

“Excuse me?”

“Mr. Moore is Jesse’s history teacher. He said Jesse argued with him regarding some historical events they covered in class. At first Mr. Moore was surprised and delighted to see one of his students actually participating in class. But Jesse argued so strongly about it that one would almost think Jesse had actually witnessed those historical events in person. Mr. Moore disagreed with Jesse, and that’s when your ward used a slur in class.”

“A slur? What slur exactly?”

“A vulgar one. We can’t have students speaking in a disrespectful manner to our teachers.”

“What slur exactly?” Mike repeated.

“I called him an asshat,” said the Kid.

Meanwhile outside in the hallway the new science teacher was headed toward the office to fill out some necessary paperwork.

Mike and the Kid both felt the buzz. They stared at each other.

The buzz.

The buzz felt by Immortals when another Immortal is nearby.

Friend or foe? Mike and the Kid did not know if they were in danger of losing their heads. And neither had brought their swords because the school had metal detectors at all entrances.

The new science teacher standing outside the principal’s office felt the buzz.

He stared at the door of the principal’s office. Then he calmly finished filling out his paperwork and headed for his classroom.

All in good time, thought the science teacher, whoever you are.

For there can be only one.

TO BE CONTINUED

[FairyDust]

A science teacher, huh? One I had back in high school might have been an Immortal. He was spooky.

:D

[jeanster]

[Disclaimer: I don't own The Highlander or any of the Immortals.]

The new science teacher read the memo addressed to him instructing him to report to room 306 at 3:30 p.m. for detention duty.

“Oh, great,” Mr. Hudson said softly to himself. “First day on the job, and I’m stuck having to baby-sit some teenage delinquents after school.”

Meanwhile back in Principal Jenkins’ office Kid Czarcasm listened to what was expected of him as a result of his actions.

“You are to apologize to Mr. Moore for speaking to him in such a disrespectful manner, and then you are to report for detention in room 306 this afternoon at 3:30,” said Mr. Jenkins.

“Apologize AND serve detention? You can’t be serious!” said the Kid.

“Oh, but I am serious,” said Mr. Jenkins. “You may leave my office now. Thank you for coming down here to see me, Mr. Barker.”

Mike Barker nodded at Mr. Jenkins and walked out with the Kid.

“Kid, we could just walk out of here right now and keep going,” said Mike. “We don’t know if the other Immortal here in school is good or bad, and I’m not going to risk you losing your head by having you stay here. We could leave town tonight and start fresh in a new location. Maybe tell people there that you’re being home-schooled.”

“Mike, I’ll be okay. If you and I couldn’t bring our swords here because of the metal detectors, then neither could the other Immortal. I’ll just finish out this day and meet you at home after I’m finished with detention.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I can do this.”

“I still don’t like it. Be very careful. I’ll come over later this afternoon to give you a ride home.”

“Okay. See you then.”

At 3:30 Kid Czarcasm reported to room 306. He did not see a teacher in the room, but he knew there should be one.

The Kid sat and waited. A minute later he felt the buzz. His body became tense when he looked toward the doorway and saw a tall male figure enter the room.

Their eyes locked. There was no mistaking the buzz each felt. It was the buzz that an Immortal feels when another Immortal is nearby.

Mr. Hudson smiled at Kid Czarcasm as he closed the door and locked it. He glanced at the sheet of paper in his hand.

“Jesse Carter,” said the science teacher. “First day here in this school and already you’ve been given detention? Are you trying to set some sort of record?”

The Kid did not reply. He just stared at Mr. Hudson to see what his next move would be.

“Well, let’s just make the best of it, shall we? I don’t want to be here anymore than you do,” said Mr. Hudson. “But Principal Jenkins said I have to be here for the next hour, and according to this sheet of paper, so are you. So work on your homework or read a book or doodle to your heart’s content. Whatever. I’ll be right here, so if you have any questions you have for me, feel free to ask. Sound all right?”

Mr. Hudson then opened a cupboard and reached in for something.

Kid Czarcasm panicked when he saw the science teacher pull out a long metal sword.

How the blazes did that get there? He must have smuggled it in somehow past the metal detectors, thought Kid Czarcasm.

The Kid’s mind raced. Could he make it to the door before the teacher could stop him? They were three stories up, so jumping out the window was not an option he wanted to consider. Not that such a fall would kill him, but it would definitely slow him down, and he did not want to give the teacher a chance to overtake him.

Mr. Hudson studied the sword. Then he looked at the Kid.

“This is a family heirloom,” the teacher calmly explained. “I brought it to use in class tomorrow for a science demonstration.”

He held it in his right hand and walked over to the Kid.

“Would you like to see it up close?”

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

[Disclaimer: I do not own The Highlander or any of the Immortals.]

Mr. Hudson calmly approached Kid Czarcasm the Immortal.

"A science demonstration for your class?" the Kid asked. "Would it be a demonstration of a Quickening? If so, better warn your students to duck under their desks before the windows shatter. That'll be one impressive light show."

Mr. Hudson stopped and stared at the Kid.

"A Quickening? Why, no. I was going to tell my class that this sword was forged by the Elves long ago and glows brightly when Orcs are approaching."

The Kid looked puzzled.

Mr. Hudson laughed. "Oh, come now. Don't tell me you've never read or seen The Lord of the Rings? If you haven't, then you are one culturally deprived young boy."

The science teacher then held out the sword in both hands palm up.

"Go ahead. Take it," said Mr. Hudson.

The Kid wondered if the Immortal was toying with him. He slowly reached for the handle of the sword. Mr. Hudson made no move to stop him.

Kid Czarcasm held the sword and looked at the science teacher.

"Let's stop pretending," said the Kid. "I know you're an Immortal. And you must know that I'm one, too. Why didn't you try to take my head just now when you had this sword? Aren't you afraid I'll take your head now that I've got it?"

"Take your head? That would be messy, wouldn't it? How on earth would I explain that to Principal Jenkins and the police tomorrow? Relax, Jesse. I have no intention of killing you. And I doubt you'll kill me. I'm no threat to you."

Mr. Hudson sat at the desk next to the Kid.

"I know about how you've cheated death twice already," said Mr. Hudson.

Kid Czarcasm stared at him.

"I take it you'd be more interested in discussing this rather than doing homework or reading a book or doodling for the next hour?" asked Mr. Hudson.

The Kid nodded. He still held the sword and was not about to hand it back to the science teacher.

"I thought so. Ah, where to begin?"

The science teacher leaned back and folded his hands behind his head.

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

[Disclaimer: I do not own The Highlander or any of the Immortals.]

Mike Barker the Immortal looked at the clock. 4:15 p.m. The Kid should be finished with detention by 4:30. Mike grabbed his jacket and headed outside to drive over to the school.

During the drive he thought of Kid Czarcasm and the events that led the two of them to end up as a family. Who would have thought that a former outlaw and the son of a sheriff would end up living together as a legal guardian and his young ward?

Mike arrived at the school. He waited outside. No sign of the Kid.

When Mike checked his watch and saw that it was 4:45, he decided to go inside the school to see what was taking so long. He climbed the stairs to the third floor. He reached Room 306. He looked through the small window of the door. The room was empty. The lights were off, but there was enough natural light through the windows to enable him to see that the room was unoccupied.

Mike headed back down to the first floor. He found the school office. There was one woman there who appeared to be getting ready to leave.

"Excuse me," said Mike. "Could you please help me? My name is Mike Barker. I'm here to pick up my young ward. His name is Jesse Carter and he was in detention, but he should have been finished by 4:30. I can't find him."

"Jesse Carter? Let me check our records."

Mike waited while the woman typed away at her keyboard. She looked at the screen.

"Mr. Barker, I'm sorry, but there is no record of a Jesse Carter as being enrolled in this school."

"What? There must some mistake. Perhaps you didn't spell his name correctly. It's J-E-S-S-E and C-A-R-T-E-R."

"That's what I typed, but the computer doesn't show any record for a boy by that name."

"Since today is his first day in school, perhaps the information has not yet been entered. Is that possible?"

"No, sir. That information would have been entered first thing this morning, if he was indeed here today."

"He was! In fact, I was called in early this afternoon to meet with Principal Jenkins about Jesse being involved in a fight with another boy. That's why he ended up in detention this afternoon. Well, that and calling his history teacher an asshat."

The woman peered at Mike over the top of her eyeglasses. She frowned.

"Are you sure you have the right school?"

Mike was getting impatient and worried now. He tried to keep his voice steady and calm.

"Yes, ma'am. I have the right school. I was here just a few hours ago. Can you please help me find my young ward? The room where he spent detention is empty. I just checked."

"Sir, I don't know how I can help you find your ward when he's not even enrolled in this school. I'm very sorry."

Mike was dumbfounded.

"That's all you can say? Oh, great! Well, thanks for checking."

Mike turned and stormed out of the office. He hoped to find Kid Czarcasm waiting outside by the car.

When he was outside he looked all around the grounds. No sign of the Kid. He walked back to his car. No sign of the Kid standing by the car or sitting inside.

Mike was getting very worried now.

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

[Disclaimer: I do not own The Highlander or any of the Immortals.]

Mike Barker saw Principal Jenkins leave the school building.

"Principal Jenkins! Wait, please!"

The principal looked at Mike.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"My young ward Jesse seems to have disappeared from the campus. And a woman inside the school office told me there's no record of Jesse Carter being enrolled here, but that must be a mistake because today was his first day here in this school."

"Jesse Carter? The name doesn't ring a bell."

"What?! But you just met with Jesse and me in your office a few hours ago about that fight with another boy and the name he called his history teacher! And you gave him detention!"

Principal Jenkins stared at Mike.

"Sir? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. I've never seen you before until just now right here. And I don't know any student by the name of Jesse Carter."

"Principal Jenkins, if this is your idea of a joke, I don't find it amusing," said Mike. "I'm very worried about my missing ward. I was supposed to pick him up here, but I can't find him."

"Sir, I wish I could help you. I really do. But I have never heard of Jesse Carter."

Just then Mike felt the buzz that an Immortal feels when another Immortal is nearby.

He looked around and saw the Kid leaving the school building by a side door. The Kid was accompanied by a tall man.

"Kid!" shouted Mike.

Kid Czarcasm turned to look at Mike. He gave a puzzled look at Mike, then continued walking away. The tall man with the Kid stared at Mike.

Mike ran toward the two of them. They were headed toward the faculty parking lot.

Principal Jenkins followed Mike.

"Sir! If you think that boy is your ward, you are mistaken. That boy is Jesse Hudson. He's the son of Gerald Hudson the school science teacher."

Mike glared at the principal.

"What is this? A conspiracy? That's my ward!"

"Well, let's just ask them so you can see for yourself. Okay?"

"Fine!"

Mr. Hudson and the boy were about to get into a car.

"Mr. Hudson, a moment please!" said Principal Jenkins.

"Yes?"

"Would you please introduce yourself and your son to this gentleman here?" asked the principal.

"Certainly," said the science teacher with a warm smile. "How do you do? My name is Gerald Hudson. I'm the school science techer. This young fellow here is my son Jesse."

The Kid nodded and smiled at Mike. "How do you do, sir?" said the Kid.

Mike stared at Mr. Hudson and the Kid.

"I'm Mike Barker and I'm here to take my ward home right now," said Mike as he reached out and took hold of the Kid by the arm and pulled him away from the car.

"Mr. Barker, unhand my son!" shouted Mr. Hudson.

"He's not your son!" shouted Mike.

The Kid struggled to get out of Mike's firm grasp.

"Dad, help me!" cried the Kid looking at Mr. Hudson.

Mike stared at Kid Czarcasm. "Kid, you're scaring me! Don't act like you don't know me!"

"Mister, I don't know you! Let go of me!"

"That's it," said Principal Jenkins. "I'm calling the police right now if you don't unhand the boy this instant!"

Just then the a pair of the school campus security guards approached.

TO BE CONTINUED

[jeanster]

:smack:

Correction:

Just then a pair of the school campus security guards approached.