A shopping list guaranteed to raise the cashier's eyebrows...

[Mangetout]

Inspired by the current pit rant to which I can't be bothered linking.

Wrtie a shopping list of no more than five items (that you would expect to find in a modern mega-store), the juxtaposition of which is most likely to cause the cashier to blush, raise his/her eyebrows or avoid eye contact.

For example:
A roll of duct tape
A tube of KY jelly
A cucumber

[Kat]

A bottle of chocolate syrup
A feather duster
A box of gerbil food

[Joe Random]

A box of latex gloves
A jar of Vaseline
A funnel

[Duke]

At your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart....

Shovel
Rope
Ammo
Tarp
Cheetos

('cause the cashier is certainly going to ask what the Cheetos are for...)

[Gyrate]

Vegetable oil (largest size container available)
Whipped cream
Garden hose
A Twister game
Dog biscuits

[Ranchoth]

Bag of Quicklime
Food Processor
Hair Dye
Copy of "The Cat in the Hat"

Bottle of Acyclovir
Bottle of Canker-Sore Ointment


I could probably come up with a few things that I've actually sold, too...

A copy of some white-supremist book, on special order by a fellow with a red "Celtic Cross"/"Zodiac Symbol" pin.

A large stack of women's thongs, each one having to be detached from an anti-theft magnet, and have the special sale price entered.:o

[Ringo]

I had a guy stand in line in front of me who was wearing leather chaps, no shirt, lust leather tack and a leather ballcap. All he was buying was a bunch of bananas and a dozen roses. Hot date, I guess.

[The Calculus of Logic]

A poster of steve martin
a map of california
shotgun shells

[bluecanary]

Micro-Chips
Cooking Oil
Vinegar
A Goldfish

[delphica]

These are ACTUAL items that I purchased last year. The cashier is probably still having nightmares.

A box of tampons (hey, I needed them)
Eight boxes of condoms (we were decorating for a bachelorette party)
A tube of Prepartation H (there's a beauty tip that says Prep H will reduce the redness that sometimes lingers after a zit, and we thought we'd give this a go prior to the wedding photos being taken. I'm sorry to report it didn't work very well.)

[voguevixen]

I was thinking the same thing when I read that thread in the pit. Here's my try:

case of Fleet enemas
gallon of castor oil
tarp
drain auger/snake
giant bale of paper towels

[LurkMeister]

Five gallons of Wesson oil
Roll of plastic sheeting
five jars of peanut butter (three chunky, two creamy)
large bag of cat litter
turkey baster

[ghandi5569]

A toilet brush
googly eyes
An oar (just one)
spray cheese
sheer thong underwear

[DarkPrince]

Two huge tubs of axle grease
A box of latex gloves
One Mickey Mouse Halloween costume.
A broomstick.


On a related note, an ex-girlfriend and I once went Christmas shopping and ended up coming to the counter with an inflatable sheep, a GWAR video, a hot water bottle, and approximately twenty Hello Kitty stuffed animals. We could tell the cashier was using every ounce of her control to not ask what the hell we were planning. :D

[Ashkicker]

Penthouse (current issue)
1/5 Jose Cuervo
Pipe Screens
Tylenol

[cletus]

one-use disposible enema kit
toothbrush
blank videotapes

[tolyri]

I once went to Meijer at 2:00 am and purchased:

a block of cheese
a casette single
underwear
hair mousse
fish food

I got a few raised eyebrows.

[Casey1505]

a box of condoms
a quart of motor oil
a shoe horn
pack of cigarettes
can of Red Bull
Johnny Mathis CD

[Casey1505]

I'd get through the 5 or less aisle, because the Red Bull doesn't count since it was an "impulse purchase".

[zoogirl]

Rope
Garbage bags
Duct tape
Very large roasting pan
Hatchet

And I would HOPE the cashier would nip out and get my licence plate number!

[Tinkertoy]

Being raised to always have a years storage, I hit sales and stockup. so recently I bought

10 Large boxes of tampoons
10 large boxes of pads
and two cases of paper towels.

I'll bet the checker thought that was odd.

[CanvasShoes]

Bottle of baby oil and..
A turkey baster
2 hostess fruit pies

(I actually did this, I was out of baby oil, and was going to be cooking thanksgiving dinner that year. My then boyfriend and I had been stopping by this store almost every day on our way home from work to pick up a few items for dinner etc. The clerk was this grumpy OLD guy that never even smiled once. When he saw the turkey baster and baby oil it was the first time I'd ever seen him laugh, let alone smile. Oh yeah, the hostess pies were for breakfast, we worked night shift.).

[Casey1505]

MY GOD!!!! Talk about a heavy flow!

[thatDDperson]

A pair of 14" linesmans pliers
40 pound test fishing line
a package of sail needles
60 linear feet of batboard (3/8 x 1 inch)
a package of eyebolt screws

I had a hacksaw already in my duffle bag when I opened it to get my credit card.

Two AM at Walmart on Westheimer in Houston.

The cop stopped me before I got outta the parking lot.

We were hanging quilts for an exhibition.

[flodnak]

A bag of apples
A box of razor blades

For extra credit, buy this on October 30th.

[Iteki]

When I was moving last time, I met up with some friends having been shopping. The clerk hadn't batted an eyelid, but my buddies found my purchase of 2 inflatable matresses and an electric screwdriver to be very entertaining.

[twickster]

Box fan
Baby powder
Chocolate syrup
Shower curtain
Binoculars

[Tangent]

Two boxes of condoms
1 bottle of white liquid soap
24 rolls of toilet paper
8 bottles of Dawn dishwashing detergent
4 bottles of white shoe polish

This definitely raised the eyebrows of our cashier. We were a bunch of high-schoolers, obviously heading out for a little midnight mischief. The condoms--with a few squirts of liquid soap in them--went on people's doorknobs. The Dawn detergent went into a couple of fountains. The toilet paper and shoe polish were for the obvious pranks. I guess there are a few things about high school that I miss!

[Gyrate]

Ping pong balls
Preparation H
A bicycle pump

[Ender_Will]

No where near as outlandish as some, but I've actually bought this stuff, and did get some raised eyebrows...
Half a dozen limes
Orange Juice
4 Liters of Coke
Margarita mix
Chips

By an 18 and 17 year old (who look their age) at about midnight on a Friday.

[hyperjes]

I have never purchased this stuff together, but I would hope it would at least get me a second look....

Baseball bat
A ski mask
Video camera
Tube of A&D Ointment
Duct tape
A large teddy bear
:eek:

[TheFunkySpaceCowboy]

Real shopping list that once raised eyebrows at an Eagle Hardware store a few years ago:

ABS piping:
6' of 2" pipe
6' of 3" pipe
3' of 4" pipe
ABS fittings and adhesive to link it all together
One latern sized bottle of propane
Propane torch adapter
Braided steel gas tube (fit on the end of the torch adapter)
Brass gas valve
Pizo-electric BBQ sparker (big red button kind)

Purchased by a pair of 16 year old boys who couldn't stop grinning. There's a prize for the first doper to guess what we were bulding :)

Fake list thought up just for this thread:

Box of handgun ammo
Box of condoms
1lb jar of vaseline
50 sq ft tarp.
Latest copy of Cosmo.

[Kakkerlak]

I remember once purchasing late at night at Ballard Market:

(12) long-stem red roses.
(1) box LifeStyles condoms
(1) bottle Masciarelli Ripasso wine

Not too unusual, really. The shame is that they were for three different purposes.

But I busted out laughing when the clerk recited her rote "have a good night !"

[gotpasswords]

Originally posted by TheFunkySpaceCowboy
Real shopping list that once raised eyebrows at an Eagle Hardware store a few years ago:

ABS piping:
6' of 2" pipe
6' of 3" pipe
3' of 4" pipe
ABS fittings and adhesive to link it all together
One latern sized bottle of propane
Propane torch adapter
Braided steel gas tube (fit on the end of the torch adapter)
Brass gas valve
Pizo-electric BBQ sparker (big red button kind)

Purchased by a pair of 16 year old boys who couldn't stop grinning. There's a prize for the first doper to guess what we were bulding :)


Spud cannons are almost too boring to mention here.

Despite that, what's the prize? :p

[gotpasswords]

Originally posted by Ringo
I had a guy stand in line in front of me who was wearing leather chaps, no shirt, lust leather tack and a leather ballcap. All he was buying was a bunch of bananas and a dozen roses. Hot date, I guess.

Yes it was! We already had the cactus, maraschino cherries and ice cream at home. :cool:

A previous real trip I had at Home Depot:

Two sacks of fencepost concrete
One redwood 4x4 fencepost
36" exterior-grade door
5-pound box of deck screws
Roll of flowered wallpaper border, suitable for Grandma's parlor

[luckyloo]

Cold Medicine
Rubbing Alcohol
Lithium Batteries
Coffe Filters
and Matches


Those can not only get you a funny look but can also get you stopped by the cops. A couple in our state capitol even were arrested after police were notified and followed them to several convenience stores. They were loading up on pseudo-ephedrine and lithium batteries.

[luckyloo]

oops.. coffee filters... :smack:

[lieu]

Fleet suppositories
Egg timer
Squeegee

[Balle_M]

Rubber Gloves
Large Container of KY
50 rounds .45 ACP Hollow Points
Duct Tape
Box Tampons
5 lbs. Salt Pork
Large Tarp
Olsen Twins Picture Book...

[Balle_M]

Rubber Gloves
Large Container of KY
50 rounds .45 ACP Hollow Points
Duct Tape
Box Tampons
5 lbs. Salt Pork
Large Tarp
Olsen Twins Picture Book...

[Sengkelat]

In high school, my girlfriend and I were sent to the store by her mom. We were instructed to buy: One cucumber. Yes, we got eyeballed by the clerk.

Pardon my density, but what illicit uses are lithium batteries put to?

Here's a list from the pet supply store:

Four leather dog collars.
Four leather leashes.
A riding crop.

[Spiff]

Originally posted by Sengkelat
Pardon my density, but what illicit uses are lithium batteries put to?I take it you're referring to luckyloo's list.

Battery acid and ephedrine (key ingredient in the cold medicine in luckyloo's list) are two key components used in the manufacture of crystal meth. The other items are used in the cooking process.

You'll also need anhydrous ammonia, but you pick that up at the Fleet Farm on the way back to the double-wide ...

Anyway, luckyloo is right, many areas of the U.S. have passed laws restricting access to these items -- over-the-counter cold medicines are often kept under lock and key behind the pharmacist's counter. And in many places buying such stuff will definitely lead to a call to the cops.

</hijack>

My list:

Video rental: "Play Misty for Me"
Map of Carmel, California
Tin of tennis balls
Roll of duct tape
3-pack of "Just My Size" control-top pantyhose ("Ebony" color)

[twickster]

Olsen Twins Picture Book
Nice touch.

[Kilt-wearin' man]

Dunno about "raising eyebrows", but I think I briefly became the 7-Eleven cashier's hero when I strolled in, then-girlfriend in my arm, and proceeded to purchase a large box of condoms and a large bottle of Gatorade...

[elf6c]

1 package of Wonder white bread.
1 package of cheap sliced cheese
1 small Jar of store brand Mayo.
1 large can of Beef flavored Dog Food.
1 small package of paper plates.

[Potter]

I was once an assistant stage manager at a theatre putting on a production of Pal Joey. The actors were using KY Jelly to slick back their hair as it washes out easily, so I was sent to the nearest pharmacy to buy an entire crate of the stuff. The sales assistant took one look at my rainbow button and proceeded to look terrribly shocked (and rather intrigued).

[DeVena]

This actually happened - my brother's birthday, and I couldn't figure out what to get him... I decide to get him beer. So I'm in the check out line with:

Birthday Cake
Guinness 6-pack
Killian's 6-pack
Sam Adam's 6-pack
SA Winterlager 6-pack
Mike's Hard Lemonade
Hard Cider 6-pack
(And bows to stick on each can)

The clerk looks at the stuff and back at me and says, "I don't know where you're going, but take me with you!"

[Arfur]

30 pack of Old Style
Gallon of rot-gut whisky
The AA Big Book

[Gyrate]

Three chainsaws
A case of beer
Lots of bandages

[pestie]

I can't believe nobody mentioned the best one ever:

A bag of apples
A package of razor blades

...right before Halloween, of course. I've always wanted to try buying these items together just to see how far I got before the cops questioned me, but hey, no sense stirrin' up trouble for nothin'...

[Gyrate]

Originally posted by pestie
I can't believe nobody mentioned the best one ever:

A bag of apples
A package of razor blades

...right before Halloween, of course. I've always wanted to try buying these items together just to see how far I got before the cops questioned me, but hey, no sense stirrin' up trouble for nothin'... I bet flodnak can't believe it either...

[krisolov]

A charged car battery
roll of 10 gauge wire
alligator clips
40 DD underwire bra
bottle of tabasco sauce
jar of tartar sauce
bottle of yoohoo

[sycorob]

Freshman year of college, two friends and I were standing in the checkout line with about 50 rolls of toilet paper. The clerk's looking pissed, and this guy behind us says "Heh heh. I hope you're not planning on doing my house!"

My friend looked at him and asked him, "That depends. What's your address?"

<rimshot>

box of cake mix
cake tin
flour
sugar
can of icing
6" metal file

[Max Carnage]

On a recent trip to Target, it wasn't until I had the items in my hand that I realized a bottle of fiber tablets and a bottle of Liquid Plumr might be a misconstrued combination.

[TheFunkySpaceCowboy]

gotpasswords said:

Spud cannons are almost too boring to mention here.

Despite that, what's the prize?


Boring? That puppy could put a frozen spud through 1/2" plywood!

As for your prize, uhm, I'll mention you on my website next time I update it.

[iampunha]

White dress
pillow
box of condoms
2 cheap-ass rings
pregnancy test

Would make for one hell of a prank...

Actual:

Astroglide
circus peanuts (among much other sweetstuff)
motor oil
dry-erase board

[pestie]

Originally posted by jr8
I bet flodnak can't believe it either...

Hey, look! I'm an idiot! Heh... Jeez... I have no idea how I missed that. I'm going home now.

[Jpeg Jones]

Surgical gauze Adult diapers one "I'm Sorry" card one "Get Well Soon" card

[DrDeth]

I do wonder sometimes when I am in line behind someone who is buying "mass quanities" of one item, and then one other, possibly unrelated item- that allows you to wonder "IS there a connection"? The closest I came to being sure was 5 1 gallon jugs of corn oil, a plastic tarp, and a box of condoms. The one I am still wondering about is the dozen boxes of laxatives.... and a chocolate cake.

My personal "odd list" was : a case of propane tanks, 6 rolls of duct tape, and a sledge hammer. I loved the looks on the clerks face.

[Tequila Mockingbird]

This one was a few years ago and caused the male cashier to blush.

One six-pack of beer
One bottle of aspirin
One package of Today contraceptive sponges

[mske]

9:00pm. Myself and a buddy. Tops Grocery Store:

12 pack of beer
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
Box of Kleenex

[Ale]

10 rolls of duct tape
20 meters of plastic sheet
two reels of heavy fishing line
This month´s Skydiving Magazine (http://www.skydivingmagazine.com/) issue
Pay with a jar of quarters.


:D

[kirk280980]

Jar of curry powder
Bottle of Tobasco sauce
3 pounds of Brussels sprouts
Tarpaulin
Hosepipe

[Prancing puppy]

Because we were moving to the middle of nowhere we purchased enough tampons for three women for three years.
(Is about 60 big boxes or something)

The cashier just gave a weirld look, other people actually asked us if we had a women shelter or something like that.

[BurnMeUp]

3 large russett potatoes
vegetable oil
a pack of 6 party hats
a bottle of advil
a plunger


Now once i honestly was at my grocery store and the guy in front of me, on a friday night had:
a 6 pack of micky wide mouths
a 12 count bag of frozen burritos
1 bottle of hand lotion
a copy of the Kirsten Dunst movie "Bring it on"

I was so tempted to say "staying in tonight are we?"

[Bob Scene]

I've noticed a couple of people so far have mentioned disposable enemas. One time I was in line behind a guy who was buying:

1. A disposable enema
2. A bottle of champagne

I didn't ask him, but I bet he'd been constipated for so long that finally getting unclogged deserved a celebration.

[pencilpusher]

Originally posted by Tequila Mockingbird
This one was a few years ago and caused the male cashier to blush.

One six-pack of beer
One bottle of aspirin
One package of Today contraceptive sponges


I MISS THE SPONGE!!! :(

hows this. Actually bought by me last year

duct tape (3 rolls)
plastic tarp
baby lotion (3 LARGE bottles)
soft cotton rope (25 feet)
Pregnancy test
:dubious:

[twickster]

I MISS THE SPONGE!!!

You can buy them online from Canada. [/hijack]

[spiro51]

Steel bent-wire tongs
Steel wool
K-Y jelly

(Actual purchases)

[Harborwolf]

Balle_M's post made me think of this

Mary Kate and Ashley picture book
Box of Kleenex
any R Kelly album


now that's subtlety

Also, does anybody remember Homer's shopping list when he buys the illegal firework. I'd list it, but I don't dare mess it up

[BuckleberryFerry]

I just happen to recall it was a whole lot of porn, beer, jerky, feminine products and oh, say, maybe a firework or two.

[Vlad Dracul]

How about a very large purchase of just one item?

As the only guy in my group who was old enough to buy handgun ammo, I once bought enough cartridges (various types) for five avid shooters. The clerk looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't dare. :)

[Ranchoth]

Originally posted by Harborwolf
Also, does anybody remember Homer's shopping list when he buys the illegal firework. I'd list it, but I don't dare mess it up

"Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large box
of condoms... a couple of those panty shields [quickly] and some
illegal fireworks [back to normal] and one of those disposable enemas.
Ehhh... make it two."

And don't forget Marge's supportive comment said upon finding Homer's shopping bag on the kitchen counter...

"I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out!"

[mipiace]

Hey I thought of this thread last night when I was at Borders. There was a portly woman about 50 in front of me in line. She had three books in her hand:

1) Life After Divorce
2) The Atkins Diet
3) Dating for Dummies

:-) I wonder what is going on in HER life?

[Shark]

bottle of pepto bismol
12 pack of toilet paper
new underwear


Did I or didn't I actually buy this?

[heater2000ca]

Originally posted by Shark
bottle of pepto bismol
12 pack of toilet paper
new underwear


Did I or didn't I actually buy this?

Ah, you're the guy that was behind me last month. Well, not quite.

But I did see a guy in line at the grocery store (in the express lane - you'll laugh in a minute) buying:

One bottle of Kaopectate (diarrhea medicine, for those that don't know)
One package of 8 rolls of toilet paper
One spray can of air freshener

Thankfully, he was behind me ... :)

[Flymaster]

One yellow wiffle bat
One box lubricated condoms
Plastic tarp
VHS copy of The Sound of Music