How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?

[Tars Tarkas]

How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?

The pentagon managed to.

Story (http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,960922,00.html)

So the Pentagon can't even keep track of freaking planes and tanks, and now wants more money (which doesn't include cost of Iraq war or Homeland Security). WTF? How can you not know where planes are? They're huge! So are tanks! and i won't even go into how scary it is that missile launchers have vanished!

[Zunite]

My guess is that they probably "built" the planes and funded other projects they didn't want to list with the money.

[gobear]

Did they look behind the sofa?

[Amp]

Did the Pentagon check between the couch cushions? That's where I always find things that seemed to have mysteriously disappeared.

[World Eater]

I'm sure they'll find a way to blame al qaeda.

[rjung]

Wow, that's a straight line if I ever heard one.

"How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?"

1. "Hey, it was dark."

2. "Have you looked behind the sofa?"

3. "Hey, you try it sometime!"

[Amp]

Damn you gobear!

[A Monkey With a Gun]

Psst, don't tell anybody, but I got 'em. The home owners assosciation has been pissing me off and I'm planning a coup. Nobody, but nobody insults my lawn ornaments. My army of garden gnomes will dance to the lamentations of their women while I rule with an iron fist.

[World Eater]

Originally posted by Zunite
My guess is that they probably "built" the planes and funded other projects they didn't want to list with the money.

Can anyone say Aurora? :p

[NoClueBoy]

Is anyone else scared by Monkey With 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers ?


For the serious answer, I wouldn't be suprised if it was funds used elsewhere.

I loved Spies Like Us

[Wonko The Sane]

I think they spent all of the money on black helicopters that circle my house projecting mind control beams into my cat's head.

I've spent over ten dollars this year making tinfoil helmets for Mister Jack, my cat. He loves them.

[CRorex]

Originally posted by NoClueBoy Is anyone else scared by Monkey With 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers ?

Ummm










No comment.

[Tars Tarkas]

Originally posted by NoClueBoy

I loved Spies Like Us

do you think the planes are all being used to be dropped headfirst into the ground with two guys in the cockpit?

[zigaretten]

First, the Army didn't lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers; they had 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers too many.

Second, since this comes from congressional testimony which was given on May 9, 2000, I'd say the Guardian is a little bit behind the times.

[NoClueBoy]

Funny!

But actually, Tars, I think they don't exist. At least not outside of the paper work.

Call me paranoid, I have no cite, I have a tin foil hat myself... But, I firmly believe in graft and corruption in government and the military.

Throw in big business and most organized religion and you'll come to see me as the Heinlein type of guy I am in real life.

TANSTAAFL

[Tars Tarkas]

Originally posted by zigaretten
Second, since this comes from congressional testimony which was given on May 9, 2000, I'd say the Guardian is a little bit behind the times.

imagine all they've "lost" since then!:eek:

[NoClueBoy]

Oh, damn!

zigaretten goes and throws in a bunch of facts about the real story to ruin my paranoia hijack.

[sulk]

[3trew]

Originally posted by NoClueBoy
Oh, damn!

zigaretten goes and throws in a bunch of facts about the real story to ruin my paranoia hijack.

[sulk]

Keep talking like that and you'll have to turn over your tinfoil, my friend. This is even better for paranoia.

Missing tanks and planes and missiles (oh my!) can be explained in a number of easy and believable ways, ranging from losses in deniable operations through to bored soldiers deciding to see how long it would take to bury an entire tank in sand.

The mysterious APPEARANCE of equipment, on the other hand, provides wonderful fuel for speculation ranging from the Shadow Government's Really Really Secret Army forgetting to take them back when they were done doing Really Sneaky Things under cover of a standard military operation through to The Alien Masters salting Earth's Last And Best Defence with artifacts of their own design that only LOOK like standard issue stuff but do Mysterious Things whenever they receive their instructions from the Secret Moon Base.

Throw in some references to the Montauk Project, Chemtrails, Denver International Airport, and the Freemasons, add a few more unnecessary capital letters, and you're there with a pretty good whacko conspiracy theory.

[Opengrave]

Sadly I think some of these 'lost' items may have been secretly diverted to other governments.

In news I can almost prove I used to live near an arms manufacturing plant. As expected they accounted for EVERY item. You couldn't get away with stealing a hand grenade because they expect so many boxes from a production run and a box would be short but if a WHOLE CASE is missing well then someone must have just written down the wong number on this form here, I'll just scratch out 39 and pencil in 38, that's gotta be right cause there ain't no way you can steal a whole case right?

(some of the parties involved got busted for using some rather questionalble fishing techniques)

[Spavined Gelding]

If one of the missing tanks is an M48, I have a pretty good idea where it is. It's sitting at the back of a tank park at Camp Funston, Fort Riley, KS. As least that is where it was in August 1965, when the 2/4 Cav shipped to Vietnam and left a spare behind.

[danceswithcats]

Originally posted by Wonko The Sane
I think they spent all of the money on black helicopters that circle my house projecting mind control beams into my cat's head.

I've spent over ten dollars this year making tinfoil helmets for Mister Jack, my cat. He loves them.

I want to see a picture of a kitty wearing this tinfoil chapeau.;)

[samclem]

[scratchy radio broadcast]
"Hello! This is OnStar"
"Hi! This is tank commander XXXX. I've lost my tank. Can you give me its location?"
"Yessir! We show your vehicle to be at ZZZZZZ. Can we call anyone for you?"
"Roger. Please call Gen. YYYYY and report the position."
"yessir. I'm making that call now. Can we call anyone else for you?"
"Sure. Call my wife and tell her I'll be home late for dinner, again. Tell her I'm OK."
"Yessir. Help is on the way. Have a good day.[/Crackly radio communication] :)

[rjung]

Or, alternately:

"Hello, this is OnStar."
"Help! This is XXXX, my tank just got hit, I'm hurt!"
"All right, sir. Our computers indicate you were struck with an anti-tank round, is the fighting over?"
"No, I can hear the explosions around me!"
"Please wait, sir, while I call your platoon leader."
*Bzzzzzt* ... *Bzzzzzzt*
"Hello?"
"Hello, sir, this is YYYY from OnStar, I have a client at position ZZZZ who seems to be under enemy attack and requests assistance..."
"All right, I'll dispatch a crew of F-16s immediately."
"Thank you, sir." *Click* "Hello, XXXX?"
"Yes?"
"I just called your platoon leader, help is on the way, do you want me to stay on the line with you?"

[imthjckaz]

Originally posted by Tars Tarkas
How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?

The pentagon managed to.
They'll probably find them in last place they look.

[NinjaChick]

Note to self: remember this.

Then, next time a teacher or parental-unit gets on my case for loosing a homework assignment, misplacing my palmpilot, or some other similar scenario, I can just say "At least I didn't loose fifty freakin' six airplanes!"

[wring]

they checked the laundramat, didn't they? I'm forever loosin stuff there.

[RTFirefly]

The Pentagon's own inspector general recently admitted that the department could not account for more than a trillion dollars of past spending.Yeeps.

I mean, even if they go back a few years, that's a few years' worth of entire DoD budgets all by itself.

A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon it starts adding up to real money. But a trillion?? That's real money to begin with.

[matt_mcl]

That's almost ten times Canada's entire federal budget.

[Beagle]

"How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?" Man, we were so drunk.

OR

Never underestimate the power of cheese.

[aside] Those super advanced--pricey--stealthy tactical fighters will look great hauling 500 lb. bombs. Why don't we build a new big bomber to haul them by the dozens? The B-52s are older than I am.

[Doomtrain]

Originally posted by Beagle
[aside] Those super advanced--pricey--stealthy tactical fighters will look great hauling 500 lb. bombs. Why don't we build a new big bomber to haul them by the dozens? The B-52s are older than I am.

I wonder stuff like this too. I keep hearing how we have stuff like the Huey, Chinook, B-52, etc. are old and they aren't being made anymore and they're falling apart and we don't have any replacements. Why not just pay and have some more built?

[StarvingButStrong]

I've seen so many posts propounded the wonderful defensive qualities of tin foil hats that I want one of my own, but nobody ever reveals the most important aspect: do you put the shiny side out or in?

[Sublight]

What do you answer a thread title with? An Onion headline.

How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?

What The Hell Did I Cram In My Anus Last Night? (http://www.theonion.com/onion3605/cram_in_my_anus.html)

[NoClueBoy]

You double side the tin foil hat.

Shiny side in so your brain waves don't escape to be tracked or read.

And...

Shiny side out to reflect mind control beams.

[NoClueBoy]

Originally posted by matt_mcl
That's almost ten times Canada's entire federal budget.

What's a Canada?




;j <---- That's me and my tin foil hat

[lezlers]

Originally posted by Wonko The Sane


I've spent over ten dollars this year making tinfoil helmets for Mister Jack, my cat. He loves them.

I don't know why the hell this cracked me up so much but I haven't stopped laughing for about 10 minutes straight now.

(And I thought I was super-cool by naming my cat "Elvis", I've got nothin' on "Mr. Jack")

[Princhester]

All will be resolved when they lose a transport ship.

In "Chickenhawk" Robert Mason tells a story about how a chopper failed to return from a mission in Vietnam, and it was never found. Every quartermaster in the region was cheering because they now had the perfect means of balancing their books. Gosh darn if every pesky missing item of portable equipment formerly shown on their books didn't happen to have been on that flight.

Mason reckons that when they added it up, the chopper had by some mysterious means been carrying about 100 tons of loose gear. No wonder it went down!

So next time the US loses an army transport in very deep water, don't be surprised if it is subsequently discovered that the 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers were on board. RIP

[MeanJoe]

Psst... I think I found them while traveling in Pennsylvania this past weekend. In each small town we drove through, we located mysterious organizations labeled V.F.W. Outside their meeting halls (mosques?) we identified tanks, airplanes, and cannons. Crafty devils hiding them in plain sight like that.

I am still attempting to break the encryption and determine the meaning of "V.F.W".

Mean "001" Joe

[StarvingButStrong]

Originally posted by NoClueBoy
You double side the tin foil hat.

Shiny side in so your brain waves don't escape to be tracked or read.

And...

Shiny side out to reflect mind control beams.


Oooooh. I underestimated the possibilities. What if I only put the shiny side out (to defect outside rays) and add an antenna with a 9 volt battery attached to the top of it? Can I then broadcast mind control beams of my own?


Yippee! Then when I think those impatient commands at the dipshits around me ("Hey! Pick up that trash and put it in the barrel!" "You with the crying little boy! Get off the cell phone and pay attention to him!" "Move, you asshole! You don't have to stop to check your receipt in the fucking doorway!") they will leap into action and stop annoying me.

This is wonderful! Must rush out and buy some Reynolds Wrap -- all I've got 'em house is the cheaper store brand, and I'm sure that's inferior.

Maybe I'll even spring for the heavy duty freezer variety.

Now....what do I make the antenna out of?

[Beagle]

True story:

I remember...

*shimmer, shimmer*

...a woman standing in front of the White House in 1982* wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the "dangerous rays governments were beaming at her head." She was a Grade A nutjob, IMO--at the time.

But NOW I KNOW THIS! (http://firms.findlaw.com/vphage/memo2.htm) :eek: She was probably on her lunch break from the West Wing, pretending to be a homeless person. ;)

On a slightly serious note, would tinfoil protect your head from microwaves?

Black helicopters circling... Oops. Those are dragonflies.


*I was a congressional intern. Not that kind.

[NoClueBoy]

Originally posted by StarvingButStrong
Oooooh. I underestimated the possibilities. What if I only put the shiny side out (to defect outside rays) and add an antenna with a 9 volt battery attached to the top of it? Can I then broadcast mind control beams of my own?

>snippy pinhead<

Now....what do I make the antenna out of?


Radio shack replacement antenna # RJ7-003R from page 152 on the 1977 catalogue.

One important thing though, you cannot extent it. That causes a cascade effect back toward the user, making one obssessed with polyester clothing. A very odd byproduct, sure, but still. So protect yourself.

For best effect, grease the 9v contacts with Crisco™

The original kind. The CIA specially formulated it for this very purpose. (Little known fact)

[SuaSponte]

Originally posted by imthjckaz
They'll probably find them in last place they look.

[pet peeve rant] Of course they'll find them in the last place they look!! I fucking hate it when people bitch that, whenever they look for something, it's always in the last place they look.

The only way it is not in the last place you look is if you fucking keep looking after you found it
[/pet peeve rant]

OTOH, it is the Pentagon we are talking about ...

Sua

[NoClueBoy]

Hey!

My Brain Wave Generator™ is working!

Look what I did to Sua! :)

[Tars Tarkas]

The only way it is not in the last place you look is if you fucking keep looking after you found it


i do that alot, usually because i don't know i've found something.

[Blornx]

Dude, Where's My Tank?

Seriously Dude, Where's My Tank?

[NurseCarmen]

originally posted by CRorex
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by NoClueBoy Is anyone else scared by Monkey With 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ummm










No comment.

This had me cracking up. Everyone knows that CRorex works at a research facility, right? Good one.

[NoClueBoy]

Giving ticks enemas, no less!

Sometimes, they explode. :)

[Ms Boods]

My second- in- command cat is called Mr RedNuts cos his used to be...

cheers,
Ms Boods

[rockle]

Originally posted by lezlers
I don't know why the hell this cracked me up so much but I haven't stopped laughing for about 10 minutes straight now.

(And I thought I was super-cool by naming my cat "Elvis", I've got nothin' on "Mr. Jack")

I know someone who named his cat "Mr. Pants," but the cat has a complex so now they call him "The Cheat." I made a tinfoil hat for one of my cats once. He loved his hat too. So much, that he was sharing sparkling silver barf balls with us for, like, a week.

Also,

Originally posted by A Monkey With a Gun
Psst, don't tell anybody, but I got 'em. The home owners assosciation has been pissing me off and I'm planning a coup.

Can I borrow one of the missile launchers? I really need to take out the sumbitch who keeps driving over my flowers with the lawn mower. Look, I know the grass is really tall because it's done nothing but rain for the last 853 days, but how hard IS it to see a 3-foot tall bright pink thing?

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by NoClueBoy
I loved Spies Like Us Especially Vanessa Angel (http://ultrawarp.com/chevy/spieslikeus/vanessa_angel.jpg), right?
:D

Warning! Above link goes to an underwear-clad buxom blonde.

[Mangetout]

Where was it when you saw it last?


*(Not)

[sickboy51]

Maybe somebody took them for personal use, like taking their kids to a picnic or something...

[Xploder]

Speaking of cat names...my brother gave me two cats that he had named Elrond and Garfinkel...being the sort of person that just can't stand to see a cat belittled like that I renamed them (of course) Fred and Barney.

And if I EVER tried to put a tinfoil hat on them, they'd tweak right the fuck out. Then again, I CAN see Fred driving a little mini tank around as I have a remote control car that he loves to sit on while I zoom it around the house.

[buttonjockey308]

Perhaps someone left them under some camoflage tarps.

Or maybe, just maybe, someone forgot to hit the 'stealth off' switch before leaving their vehicles..





---What Would Scooby Doo?

[JRDelirious]

56 airplanes, 32 tanks, 36 missile launchers.

A majority of the nations of the world don't have that much in their entire order of battle, and we can just call that an inventory discrepancy, "unaccounted for".

Another possible explanation: duplicate inventory numbers, or items entered wrong in the paperwork, i.e. the missile launcher got written up with a property # that back at HQ was input in the system as belonging to a HMMV.

[Ale]

Perhaps they forgot not to use live ammunition on a war exercise... :eek:

[iampunha]

"I lost it in the sun."

[Little Plastic Ninja]

Originally posted by rockle
I know someone who named his cat "Mr. Pants," but the cat has a complex so now they call him "The Cheat."

The Cheat!

I like the cheat. him and sb are the only reason I go to that website. :)

[Paul in Qatar]

(Supposedly,) A true story.

In the last days of the Soviet invasion of Hungary, a bunch of Soviet troops were sitting around a motorcycle cleaning weapons with gasoline. One thing led to another and the bike caught fire, destroying it.

To cover themselves the squad claimed that a passing car full of "Terrorists" fired them up and the machine was destroyed in combat.

The story stuck even through an investigating by the Military Poiice so an official report was sent up the chain. "Lost in combat, 1 motorcycle."

Well battalion had crushed a jeep, and so added a jeep to the list. Regiment had misplaced a missile launcher, and so it too was added. At division and corps other items were annotated.

By the end of it all the "Firefight" had become a huge battle. All involved were given medals.