Shhh. I'm taking a leak.

[welby]

The problem: I seem to have, for some reason, started in on the same pee schedule during the day as my Uber-boss. Uber-boss, for some reason, feels compelled to strike up a conversation every time I'm trying to take a leak.

I hate that. There I am, trying to concentrate on voiding my bladder, and Dippy McDillhole starts some inane chatter about the weather, the color of the tile in the bathroom, whether the new paper towels are any good, and on and on and on.

I prefer silence when I pee. Golden silence, if you will, for my golden stream. Start up a conversation, the pee crawls back up, and suddenly a routine operation becomes a nightmare of trying to get the whole process started.

How in the hell can I tell him to shut up without, you know, telling him to shut up?

[clayton_e]

So every time you take a leak he is there? Maybe there's something more going on there...

[UrbanChic]

I hate interstall chatter, welby. It's just not right.

I think you should wait for him to get mid-sentence, blurt out that Anderson in accounting has a really nice dick and suggest that he take a gander at it if the opportunity ever presents itself.

[Bandanaman]

"Hey. Nice dick."

Of course, if that doeesn't run him off, then you've got another problem.

[Homebrew]

I can't offer advice, but I can commiserate. Our HR Director and I frequently end up in there at the same time. He happens to go to the same church my mother does (in fact, one of his sons is the pastor) and we went to the same church when I was about 10. Since we have that in common, he always wants to chat.

When my fly is open and the goods are hangin' out, the only conversation I'm interested in is inappropriate for the workplace.

[lieu]

Learn ventriloquism and throw your voice from your crotch. Have it say "Hey McDillhole, look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Heh, that ought to get a rise out of him.

[beagledave]

Easy solution.

Assuming you're standing at urinals..side by side.

When he strikes up a conversation..turn to face him so you can hear him better. No reason to stop urinating in the process.

[dantheman]

Interstall chatter's one thing, Juanita, but this is interurinal. At least in the stall you can kind of roll your eyes, make mimicking expressions, and stick your tongue out at the chatter. But in a urinal? Nod and smile, boys, nod and smile.

[Kalhoun]

Hey, at least you're peeing. My father-in-law has been in the hospital for two weeks because, among other things, he hasn't been able to pee. Until yesterday. His output was NINETY-NINE OUNCES. And I'm not kidding.

That said, I wouldn't take Lieu's advice. I'm thinking a "rise" is the last thing you want someone to get when they're standing in front of a urinal. But that's just me.

[Eve]

Hey, I used to work for him!

You think you've got it bad? My boss and I are on the same gym schedule, so at least once a week she sees me nekkid in the locker room!!!

[Gorgon Heap]

My boss and I are on the same gym schedule, so at least once a week she sees me nekkid in the locker room!!!


Does she sit there nekkid trying to talk to you?

Flashing her headlightes and jovially saying, "So, Eve, have you seen the ad layout for page 17 yet?"

That could be a bit distracting.



Bwa-Ha-Ha!!!

[Khadaji]

I always find it odd when other men chat with me in the mens room. I consider it a natural process, but not a social one.

[RTFirefly]

I don't understand people who are chatty in the restroom. All I want to do is go in, use the facilities, and get out again. You wanna chat, stop me in the hall on the way out, or drop by my office.

I solve the chattiness-at-the-urinal problem by using the stalls during regular working hours. welby, you might want to try that temporarily until your bathroom schedule and Head Honcho's have slipped out of synch again.

[Ethilrist]

Start talking before he does. Strike up a conversation with somebody named Pat. Make him wonder whether it's a guy or a girl. Then sing.

[dantheman]

Originally posted by Kalhoun
Hey, at least you're peeing. My father-in-law has been in the hospital for two weeks because, among other things, he hasn't been able to pee. Until yesterday. His output was NINETY-NINE OUNCES. And I'm not kidding.

That said, I wouldn't take Lieu's advice. I'm thinking a "rise" is the last thing you want someone to get when they're standing in front of a urinal. But that's just me.

Ninety-nine ounces of pee on the wall, ninety-nine ounces of pee... take one down and pass it around... ninety-eight ounces of pee on the wall.

[dwc1970]

Is there another restroom you can use where your boss is not as likely to be in there, too? Might be worth the extra walk (as long as you don't have to go really desperately).

I just ignore anyone who even says hello until I am done. I find conversation among people with marginal acquaintence to me (most co-workers in this case) awkward enough, so doing it at the urinals makes it even more awkward.

[Casey1505]

There is a support group for people who can't help but strike up a conversation. It's called On and On Anon.

[Capcha]

Or just simply say:

i'm sorry, boss, but i can't releave myself if someone is talking to me..in here!

[dinahmoe]

Originally posted by dantheman
But in a urinal? Nod and smile, boys, nod and smile. Blimey. If you can make your boys nod and smile, I'd think that would stun anyone into silence:p

[lieu]

Straddle him from behind and exclaim "I'm nuts about you."

[dantheman]

Why, dinahmoe, I can make them wink and grin, too!

[Bippy the Beardless]

... pissibilities...

"shhh, I'm concentrating"
"Does your pee smell like this after eating asparagus?"
"That reminds me, how is the project going? Still running straight down the plug hole?"
"Oh, so the rumour about your genital warts was true. Have you seen a Doctor yet?"

[ivylass]

Does he follow you in?

Go in, wash your hands, wait for him to come in and unzip, nod, then leave.

Wait a few minutes for him to finish, then you go in.

Now, if he's in there already, wash hands, leave, wait a few minutes, then go back in.

If he follows you to pee again, well, then I think it's a Talk to HR thing.

[it'sjustme]

Get thee to a hospital, steal a plastic urinal and pee at your desk from now on.

kidding!!:D

[Pixiesnix]

Fart really, really loudly while she's mid-sentence.

[Pixiesnix]

Or HIM, sorry, It works either way. Well, it works in theory.

[El Cid Viscoso]

Pony up some green and install those key-operated newspaper holders. Make up a fake newspaper with regular stories for a while, then one day do a big-ass headline "Urinal Conversation Sparked Louisiana Serial Killer".

That's some spicy meatball.

[Banger]

There was some creepy guy who used to work on my floor and who I only ever encountered in the hallways and men's bathroom (we worked for different agencies, so the hallways and bathroom were the only places where we would see each other).

Whenever I entered the bathroom while he was doing his business at the urinal, he would do a 90' turn towards me (thankfully, the lower half probably never passed 45'; I never looked down to check and make sure), give me a big smile, enthusiastically say, "Hello!" and then immediately try to start some small talk.

Boy, am I glad that agency (and the creepy guy) moved to a different building.

There is a restroom etiquette, and this guy lacked it.

-If you're using a urinal, don't start a conversation with a relative stranger.
-If you're using a urinal, don't turn to face people entering the restroom and greet them.
-And not so much a rule of etiquette as it is a rule of thumb: if you're in a bathroom and see a closed stall door with feet appearing under it, the odds are that there is a person in that stall, and they can hear whatever gibberish you say out loud to yourself.

[El Cid Viscoso]

...did you ever live in Peoria, IL?

[Banger]

hehe... Pee-oria....

[El Cid Viscoso]

yeah yeah yeah, hmmm hmemm he heh hmm hm hm, Illinoy. IlliNOY!

[welby]

Somehow I don't think pissin gon the leg of one of the few people who can fire me without question or repurcussion wouldn't be the way to go.

ivylass had a good idea except for the fact that I'm taking a medication right now that has a side effect of making me want to take a leak every half hour or so. And when I've got to go, I've got to go. No question about it.

Perhaps RTFirefly's idea is best. Stall city for me baby. If he starts talking to me there I'm going to pull a Vociferous Pooper on him and start talkin gto my dick or something.

[Cat Whisperer]

Buy the book "Caves of Steel" by Isaac Asimov, underline all the passages about strict conduct in the men's personals and leave it on his desk.

...98 ounces of pee on the wall, 98 ounces of pee - take one down, pass it around , 97 ounces of pee on the wall...

[Dawne]

I would hate that... I can't bear it when theres anyone in the same room or even up stairs with me when I'm in the bathroom, in the shower, etc. Yes, it's hard to be like that and live with 3 people.

[El Cid Viscoso]

Another suggestion, in case you missed my first one:

Buy a fake hearing aid from a costume shop and put it in your right ear. Always make sure you use the far-left urinal.

Or you could go with my newspaper idea.

[welby]

How could I possibly have missed the fake newspaper? Maybe I could do it as a conversation. Kind of like "Hey, know what I read in the paper today? Some guy was talking in a urinal and got shot...."

[danceswithcats]

Instead of a head turn, do a full body turn and aim your stream under the panel such that you pee on his foot.

I doubt he'll trouble you again.

[dantheman]

[A little off topic: Do you know that if you do a search on all threads with "poop" in the title, you get three pages of threads? Wow. Like this one: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56612&highlight=poop]