Another depression thread...

[OnTheFence]

In an attempt to talk to someone about what I guess is depression, I'm turning to the BBQ Pit forum for advice, or suggestions.

I guess the question is, what the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm a 20 year old college student and have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. My grades are fine, I have a decent job, I have a lot of friends...

It (by it, I mean that feeling) is usually the worst in the morning, when I just wake up. The minute I open my eyes in the morning I have what can only be explained as a sense of dread. I get right out of bed immediately and usually begin doing something to get rid of it. I usually feel hopelessly shitty for about the first hour of the day, until I have talked myself out of it. All day long I try to distract myself and keep doing stuff. Most of the time I don't have the feeling of dread or hopelessness, but when I do it is hard to get rid of it and nearly impossible to enjoy myself. Marijuana and Rage Against the Machine usually provide temporary relief from sorrow, or guilt, or dread or whatever the fuck, but that is superficial and doesn't last long.

Most of the time these feelings are limited to when I am by myself, which is not a lot lately. I have always been a social person, surrounded with friends, but lately I can't stand to be alone. I know this shit isn't normal, but I really do not know what to do about it. I have always been kind of anti, anti-depressants, but they are becoming an option at this point.

Depression is very common on my moms side of the family, matter of fact, I can only name a few people on her side who aren't on some kind of mood elevator. Perhaps this is the reason I am apprehensive about any sort of treatment by medication, because her whole side of the family is about half nuts. Anyways, I guess what I'm wondering is:
What options do I have?
I could see a psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I don't really see how they could help me, besides prescribing something possibly.
What is the deal with anti-depressants?
I don't want anything that is going to be really difficult to get off of or has really undesirable side effects, but I'm willing to compromise. I really do not want a pill that is going to make me numb...but at this point that feeling would be better than the current one.

Anyways, whatever advice or personal experience you can offer to help me make a decision on a course of action would help, thanks a lot.

[MLS]

See a psychologist, social worker or counselor. There are many things that can be done to help you. Sometimes just a professional to talk to, to find out what's behind the dark moods, can help. There may be something specific that you are anxious about and are not consciously recognizing. If a med is needed, they do not usually make you feel numb, high, agitated, wired, etc. I found that after suffering for years and trying various potential remedies, when I finally got the med that worked for me, it made a wonderful difference in my life.

BTW the MJ is probably not really helping. IANAD, but from what I've heard, that may help you temporarily, as may alcohol and other depressants, but when it wears off whatever was bothering you before is still there and you are worse than before. If it tends to run in the family, there is a possibility that there is a genetic predisposition in operation. The sooner you get help, whether it's counseling or medication or both, the less likely this will become a permanent part of your psyche.

Again, I'm not a doctor, but I think you should see a professional.

[OnTheFence]

Thanks for the advice MLS.

BTW the MJ is probably not really helping. IANAD, but from what I've heard, that may help you temporarily, as may alcohol and other depressants, but when it wears off whatever was bothering you before is still there and you are worse than before.

At 15 I began smoking marijuana occassionally, usually on weekends or at parties, but since my freshmen year at college I have been doing it more regularly, 3-4 times a week or more. I have did a lot of research on the effects or marijuana, including on how it makes me feel and if I'm better off with it, or without it. My conclusion is: Marijuana doesn't make a difference one way or the other. Perhaps you are right, but I'm not willing to stop using it, since I honestly feel that negative effects are minimal.


There may be something specific that you are anxious about and are not consciously recognizing.

I have tried very hard to figure out what this may be, but I can't nail down anything specifically. There is really no reason for my depression that would be apparent, everything is going fine with school and family...

Anyways, thanks again.

[Siege]

OnTheFence, if you're a college student, then I've probably suffered from depression longer than you've been alive (a depressing thought in and of itself!). I used to think psychologists and therapists couldn't do me any good and that I was alone in this until circumstances proved me wrong. A good therapist can do a lot to get the disease under control and even address some of its root causes. As for bad ones, well, even though this is the Pit, I don't have language bad enough to describe them.

I am a bit hard-core anti-drug use, especially as a panacea for depression because it doesn't work. In the earliest stages of my own recovery from the worst ravages of depression, I spent a lot of time with newly recovering drug addicts and alcoholics. It's one of the few things that was even uglier than depression alone. I think you're probably starting to realize that, while marijuana may be an escape, when you return, you're troubles are still there waiting for you. (Sorry about the cliche!)

So, there is practical advice available, and there are people willing to stand and fight with you because we've fought our own battles with depression and continue to do so. You can find some of us at a Yahoo group called Cecil's Place/ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cecils_Place/), a website founded by and for depressed Dopers. You are welcome there, and chances are we won't think you're whining when you need to talk about what's going on.

One thing to remember -- depression distorts your mind and your perceptions. I was suffering from a bout of it last night, and I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone about it because who am I to ask for help? Nevermind what I know full well the answer will be.

My e-mail address is in my profile, and I do mean it when I say "feel free to e-mail me." This disease can be tamed and controlled, and it does not have to be like this. You can be helped, and you deserve to be helped. You're also not alone.

CJ

[fishcrawford]

Thank you for the reply Siege, your words honestly do make me feel better. I plan on checking out your link and poking around there for awhile...much appreciated.

[Purple Scottie]

The fact that you do have a strong family history of mood disorders suggest that you probably have a genetic predisposition to developing depression. While for some people depression is situational, many people become depressed even when they "don't have a good reason for it."

I second the other posters advice about talking to a counselor or doctor about your concerns. One thing you could do is just have a general health-checkup to help rule out thyroid disorders, diabetes, or other conditions as contributing to your depressed mood. Whomever you talk to may suggest either some counseling to help you develop skills for dealing with depression and other stressful situations, suggest a trial of an antidepressant, or some combination of the two.

You mentioned that many of your family members are on mood "elevators." For most people, antidepressants are less mood elevators (such as stimulants that produce euphoria) than medicines that help bring you back to a "neutral" mood. The exception to this would be for patients who are bipolar in whom antidepressants must be used carefully as they can trigger a manic episode.

Good luck with everything -- I hope that things get better for you soon.

[T.rex]

Lets see what i know of you...college student...depressed.......
You must be a dope smoker!

If that is inaccurate, disregard the rest. I felt exactly like you when i was in school, and totally attribute it to that stuff. First thoughts in the morning were just like you describe. When you say you "do things" all day....Are you really doing things? , or are you sitting in a room with 5 dudes, hitting a bong, and watching TV cartoons with the sound turned off, and the music turned up?

People to this day call me a manic depressive. I don't even buy into that as an actual condition. I think happiness in life is derived from fulfillment. Are you doing things to the best of your ability? Do you have an art? Do you practice it? Do you apply yourself in class? I think dope smoke hinders all those things. That depression will instantly vanish if you involve yourself in fulfilling activities....

[T.rex]

When you say you "do things" all day....Are you really doing things? , or are you sitting in a room with 5 dudes, hitting a bong, and watching TV cartoons with the sound turned off, and the music turned up?

I think happiness in life is derived from fulfillment. Are you doing things to the best of your ability? Do you have an art? Do you practice it? Do you apply yourself in class? Dope smoke, alcohol, and other stuff hinders these things. That depression will instantly vanish if you involve yourself in fulfilling activities....

[fishcrawford]

Lets see what i know of you...college student...depressed.......

I do my fair share of sitting around listening to music while smoking dope, but that is something that I do enjoy and gain some fulfillment from. If you are attempting to characterize me as lazy, you're way off. I spend a lot of the day reading and playing basketball. I don't really have an art, but I love to read. I do apply myself -- I'm a sophomore political science major with a 3.7 GPA.

I may have made a mistake by mentioning the marijuana; there are very few things I'm a certain about, but I am absolutely positive pot has little, if nothing, to do with the feelings I'm experiencing.

The fact that you do have a strong family history of mood disorders suggest that you probably have a genetic predisposition to developing depression. While for some people depression is situational, many people become depressed even when they "don't have a good reason for it."

My mother is bipolar, up one day, down the next. My father, who seems to be a stone, shows no sign of depression, nor does his side of the family. But, like I mentioned previously, it does run deep on my moms side of the family, and it is more common to find someone who is depressed, than someone who is "happy".

Good luck with everything -- I hope that things get better for you soon.

Thank you.

[Zoe]

OntheFence, I'm glad that you spoke up about what you are feeling.

Depression often is not "about" anything anymore than Parkinson's Disease is. (They are similar in that, like Parkinson's, depression can be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.)

One of the most important things for you to know is that this is not a character weakness on your part. It is not a matter of will power.

Treat this illness as seriously as you would any other potentially dangerous illness. That means that you need to see a professional. If there are things that you need to talk out, then a psychologist might be helpful. Often they work in conjunction with a psychiatrist so that you can get medical help as well.

My depression was also worst in the mornings. I would wake up with just waves of anxiety sweeping over me.

Medication has worked for me and for many that I know. It is not hard to get off of anti-depressants. They are not addictive as far as I know. But when you do stop taking them, it needs to be under a doctor's supervision. It may take as long as six weeks before you start feeling the difference.

Taking the meds for me has been the difference in night and day. With my brain chemistry set straight, I feel back in contol and not so hopeless. Interestingly enough, these medications aren't the "happy pills" that some think they are. If you are not depressed, they won't make you happy.

Some of the symptoms of depression are:

1. Feelings of sadness and hopelessness that last more than two weeks

2. Lack of energy

3. Changes in cleeping habits -- either an increase in the amount of time that you sleep or stay in bed -- or problems with insomnia

4. Changes in your weight -- either up or down

5. An inability to concentrate

There are other symptoms and you do not have to have all of the symptoms to be diagnosed with the disease. But don't diagnose yourself!

Siege is right when she says that you need a good therapist. It may take two or three tries before you find the one who is right for you.

Although I have never been opposed to the use of marijuana, I wouldn't dream of using it while I am depressed. But I'm not going to scold...

My depression had its onset when I was age twenty and I have had to deal with it off and on for forty years. (But there are different types of depression.) One of the weird things is that I rarely, if ever, recognize it for what it is when it happens again. That's because it distorts my perception. (The thing that does my thinking is the very thing that is sick.)

I'm glad that Siege posted the link for Dopers with depression. I'm going to bookmark it for myself. Maybe I will see you there.

Try to get a little exercise. Sometimes that helps. Just don't beat up on yourself for needing help.

[Venoma]

Originally posted by T.rex
That depression will instantly vanish if you involve yourself in fulfilling activities....

Bullcrap. :)

[Zoe]

I see that you are getting good exercise! I hadn't seen that post when I suggested it.

[fishcrawford]

Zoe, thank you for the kind words. Thank you for addressing the "will power" issue. I, for some reason, feel like I should be strong enough to not have to see a doctor, but I know that is just ego getting in the way of common sense.

The feelings of anxiety, like you said, are worse in the mornings. The inhability to concentrate, that you mention, is something I have definitely noticed in the last 2 months. I didn't even know this was a sign of depression, but it has been noticeable, so much so that I even mentioned to my friend how hard of a time I was having concentrating.

Thanks again.

[Elza B]

Originally posted by T.rex

I think happiness in life is derived from fulfillment. Are you doing things to the best of your ability? Do you have an art? Do you practice it? Do you apply yourself in class? Dope smoke, alcohol, and other stuff hinders these things. That depression will instantly vanish if you involve yourself in fulfilling activities....

Please don't do that. If fishcrawford truly is depressed, finding 'fulfilling activites' won't do a damn thing. I had plenty of 'fulfilling activities' when I was depressed, including some amazing friends who took me out all the time, but that didn't stop me from having to force myself out of bed in the morning and trying to keep thoughts of ending it all out of my head. It took professional help. Depression is not just something one can 'snap out of', and as one whoo has truly suffered from clinical depression, I resent the implication that it is.

fishcrawford, please go talk to someone. Sometimes that really can help. In some cases, you may need medication. I'm on mood stabilizers right now, and I expect to be for the rest of my life except for pregnancy (and even some anti-depressants are approved for use during pregnancy). It's nothing to be ashamed of - and if anti-depressants can help, it's foolish not to use them. Depression is a very real illness and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. Siege has given you some excellent advice, so please look into some help with this, okay? As far as the pot goes - when I realized I was smoking pot every single day because real life was too difficult to face - I knew I had a problem. I have issues with dependency - on pills, on drugs (both hard and soft), and on people - so I know that I need to be careful. I've pretty much limited my marijuana use - I don't have access to it in my home and only smoke it once a month or so when I'm at someone else's house. If I kept it in my home, I would have serious problems *not* smoking it constantly.

You've already gotten this as an offer, but I'll add it as well - please feel free to email me if you need another person to talk to - depression sucks and it's hard and it's horrible, but sometimes having others to talk to can help.

(slight hijack: Siege, is that Yahoo Group available to others? I'd really like to join up - I could use a place to talk where others understand what this is like./slight hijack)

Ava

[fishcrawford]

OnTheFence is the same person as Fishcrawford, I was accidentally logged onto OnTheFence when I wrote this and didn't realize it.

[Zoe]

You are welcome!

BTW, I concur with Venoma's accessment.

I used to teach and sometimes a clue that I was beginning to experience depression would be that I would have difficulty finding my lesson plans and my grade book. Even issuing textbooks was hell. It's that problem with concentration.

I am amazed that you have been able to keep your grade point average up. Be sure you protect that! :)

[fishcrawford]

Thank you avabeth for your input. The decision to see somebody has been made.



I am amazed that you have been able to keep your grade point average up. Be sure you protect that!

School is one thing that keeps me going.:)

[lurker anonymous]

OnTheFence, you are not alone. I feel depressed sometimes and when I express it to others, I get "why are you depressed?" Like I know. They think it is a specific something that has happened/is occuring in my life. "I don't know, I just am" is a real turn off to others so I try not to mention it.
I try to use humor on myself. For instance, when something hurts my feelings, I try to say to myself-"well, they obviously don't know that Lurkers best interests are at stake here"-if I can get a wry grin out of myself I usually feel better.
I find myself trying to decompress from stressful situations by telling myself that I could end it-I didn't even realize that I was saying this to myself! When I recognized it, I activally fought it. I hear that voice saying that I could end it, and I'd say, no, you wouldn't do that, that's stupid. I wouldn't do that just to end this temporary situation. My mind is a bit melodramatic!
Please seek help. I got help when I was your age (I was a worse mess than I am now!) You are at an awkward age and that may be part of the problem. I am not trying to be sophmoric (but then, who ever is?) but when I think back on that age it is akin to the feeling of being new on the job-unsure and "new".
Seige, I want to thank you for the link and because of you sage advice to me in another thread, I am now using the (groan) shift key!

[fishcrawford]

More good advice, thank you Lurker. I am not even close to "ending it all"...I'm just really tired of feeling anxious or depressed, and thought it was finally time to do something about it. After all, what would it say about me if I didn't even bother to address the depression eating at me? I've tried to ignore it long enough (a little over 3 months), so it is finally time to do something.

Another aspect of this depression is a worrisome feeling. It is almost like I feel I need something to worry about...I don't really know how to articulate this, maybe someone could elaborate who understands what I am trying to get at here.

[Elza B]

Originally posted by fishcrawford


Another aspect of this depression is a worrisome feeling. It is almost like I feel I need something to worry about...I don't really know how to articulate this, maybe someone could elaborate who understands what I am trying to get at here.

This sounds like generalized anxiety. You feel like you're forgetting something that you *need* to do, or that something's going to happen, or that if you do one little thing wrong, something bad's going to happen. Does that sort of describe it? In addition to depression, I've also dealt with generalized anxiety disorder - which has pretty much been there for as long as I can remember. My mother used to call me a natural-born worrier, but then I started on medication for it and I realized that being worried all the time is NOT a natural state. When I described my feelings to my doc, he immediately recognized it as GAD. In addition to the meds, I do use deep breathing exercises and visualizing exercises - they've helped immensely. Tell whoever you talk to about those anxious feelings as well - it may be an offset of the depression or it may be GAD - only you and your doc will be able to determine it for good.

Ava

[lurker anonymous]

I wonder if part of it is the weed? I am not trying to get onto you at all, some of my best friends smoke it A LOT;) and when I was in H.S., I was stoned all the time.
Now it makes me very worried and paranoid. Instead of relaxing me, I feel very anxious. I can't enjoy it. I feel that I should be doing something more worthwhile. (create "worthwhile" values here)
The last time I smoked when a friend came by, all I could think of is the things I haden't done...the dishes needed washing, laundry basket was full, I hadn't done XYZ...
But that's just me. Paranoia as a cottage industry.:D

[MLS]

I had exactly that general anxiety. I actually felt somewhat relieved when I could find something specific to worry about because then it gave me focus. I don't know if the anxiety made the depression worse or vice versa. Once I got the right med, then the appropriate coping mechanisms would work.

BTW, there is a very interesting news item today on CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/conditions/06/15/manic.depression.ap/index.html) about possible genetic links. Couple of paragraphs from the article:
Scientists say they have identified a flawed gene that appears to promote manic-depression, or bipolar disorder -- a finding that could eventually help guide scientists to new treatments. Genetics clearly play a role. Kelsoe's work focused on a gene called GRK3, which influences the brain's sensitivity to chemical messages brain cells send each other. Defects in the gene might promote manic-depression by making people oversensitive to these messages, which are carried by dopamine and other substances, he said.
This particular study was on manic-depression, but obviously if one gene can influence manic-depression, it seems logical that there might be another that influences just depression or anxiety tendencies.

[MLS]

BTW, the post I just did referred to the OP's previous entry, not lurker's.

[MaddyStrut]

I tend to agree with avabeth that it sounds like an anxiety disorder. You mention frequently that you have a sense of dread. Is it a sad depressed feeling or an anxious feeling?

Before I go any further, IANAD nor would I dream of diagnosing you. Everything I'm about to say is only to share my own experience. Only a professional can diagnose you. Find a good one that you trust--you may be just fine. Or you may have something that needs a little fixing.

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and I know exactly what you mean when you say you're worried about something but you're not sure what and you find things to worry about. Before I got help, I (literally) worried about worrying too much! I could work myself into a full-blown panic attack thinking (worrying) about how much I worry!

I remember days when I would wake up and my first thought was "how much am I going to worry and fret today?" Then I would realize that I was already worrying and fretting and I wasn't even out of bed yet--and the cycle would go on and on! I was an algorythm run amok!

Like you, I couldn't stand to be alone. That meant being alone with my thoughts--not acceptable at the time! But I got better. Hey, if I can, it's possible for anyone!

I got help through a combination of talk therapy and anti-depressants. One thing my counselor said (in our first session) was that anxiety and depression are very treatable. So take heart! For me, the anti-depressants alone didn't fix everything. I did need the talk therapy to get through to my underlying issues. But the anti-depressants did make it so I was clear-headed enough to have rationale discussions about my issues and get me out of the state of constant panic (you can't do any good thinking when you're in one of those states).

As to the anti-depressants, as others have said, they don't intoxicate you, numb you, or change your personality. I can still get sad or worry about things--when I have reason to!. It may take a while to find the right brand and dosage for you. Don't despair if it takes a while. It took 6 weeks for me to see the full effects of Celexa (what I'm on). And then a month or two after that to get the dosage correct. But I did start to see a noticable decrease in my anxiety (and my panic attacks) after 2 weeks. There are some side effects to anti-depressants. It's a matter of finding what works best with your body chemistry. And figuring out what you can live with. Mine make me a bit sleepy an hour or so after I take them. So I only take them before going to bed. I don't know if they're addictive, but you can't quit them cold turkey and you should be under a doctors supervision if you do decide to stop taking them.

As to the MJ, I don't smoke it so I have no idea whether it could be affecting you or not. I will say that anything that alters your brain chemistry is probably not a good idea if you already have some problems there. But that's your decision. However, if you do go on anti-depressants, please be candid with your perscribing physician about any recreational drug use. I know alcohol really makes me sleepy now that I'm on Celexa. And my alcohol tolerance has noticably dropped. I'm a real cheap date now! I have no idea whether marijuana would have any effect or interaction with an anti-depressant (or any other medication), but I still think it's a really good idea to be candid with your physician. They may not approve--but they've heard of worse!

[fishcrawford]

Thanks for the article MLS. MaddyStrut and Avabeth hit the nail right on the head with the symptoms they describe.

[even sven]

I'm gonna offer you some of my experiences, and a dissenting opinion.

I've spent most of my life depressed. I've spent all of college extremely depressed. I haven't figured out "the answer" yet, so don't get to excited. Anyway, I feel a lot of the same things you feel- to the point that sometimes I wake up already crying.

I tried the whole drug thing once. I went in, and explained myself, and told them my goal was to feel better enough to sit through my classes without crying. I had a perscriptions for Celexa within twenty minutes. I took it one day, and the side effects were so bad that I could not function in my classes. I could not handle a two-week ajustment period without failing my classes. So I stopped taking it.

I realized then that drugs arn't the answer for everyone. I do not believe my depression is a disease like diabetes or whatever people compare it to now. My depression is how my brain works. This does not mesh well with society. My mind is ill suited for this world. That sucks for me and all, but I'm not quite sure the answer is to change my brain. Remember, the standard for a drug "working" is if you feel well enough to "live a productive life"- i.e. go to work on time without complaining too much. That is considered the goal of treatment. I'm not sure I want my brain to "work" if that is the standard. Drugs just don't feel right, even if they will make me feel "better". I know they won't turn me into a zombie, but they will deprive me of something. Sometimes the most beautiful things in this world are the most horrifying ones.

(also complicating this is that I'm manic-depressive, and I can't imagine life without the sublime highs that I get in a manic state)

The past four years have been hard. Somehow I managed to suceed in school even though there were whole weeks spent huddling under the covers. My advice is remember to do what you have to do. Do whatever it takes to do well in school, but don't worry too much that you are wasting time or ruining your life. It will work out in the end as long as you don't fall so deep that you start failing classes. Do the drug thing if you want to, but don't do it just because you think you have to. There are other, perfectly valid ways of dealing with depression, which includes learning to live with it. Try to see the beauty in your own pain, and above all try to stay alive because it is a big world out there and you've seen far too little of it.

And feel free to email me if ya want...

[Zoe]

(also complicating this is that I'm manic-depressive, and I can't imagine life without the sublime highs that I get in a manic state)

Yes, that does complicate things quite a bit. That is much different from having depression alone.

I don't want to sound dismissive of what you are saying and you certainly have had experience with a part of mental illness that I don't understand the way I do depression. But I suspect having the manic episodes helps to make the depressive state more tolerable. Try to imagine relentless depression. There is no beauty in that.

Untreated depression is often a terminal illness. Staying alive can often depend on the level of care that you get. I agree that there are other valid ways of dealing with depression. But "learning to live with it" is not an option for me.

I guess many of us, including myself, tend to project our own experiences onto the person who is in difficulty.

For me the antidepressant simply allows me to be who I am. It restores me to my natural state.

[Siege]

Thanks for your compliments, everyone. Cecil's Place is open to anyone who needs it. Just click on the link which says "Join This Group" or some such.

T.Rex, when things hit a crisis point with depression, I was engaged to a wonderful fellow, I had a reasonable job, I was active in my church, and I was living and working in Waikiki. In other words, I was involved in fulfilling activities until I wound up flat on my back and unresponsive. I am very stubborn and strong willed. For years, I tried to defeat depression by will alone. I still try to do that at times. This is the psychological equipment of "Push it until it breaks" and, sure enough, it broke.

I've read that a combination of therapy and anti-depressants have the most success in treating depression, and my own experience agrees with that. When things were at their worst, I started on imipramine I think, then wound up going over to Paxil. I was also afraid of losing the joy I take in life, until depression nearly killed me. I didn't lose the highs, and my libido wasn't affected by Paxil, but I think it did prevent the lows from getting too low while I sorted out the underlying junk. I haven't been on anti-depressants for years, but I do think they can be very useful. I wouldn't want to try drug therapy alone -- to me, that's treating the symptoms, not the disease -- but it is useful.

I resisted treatment for depression because I thought it was a character flaw, I thought it was worthless, and I thought it couldn't be treated. I'm glad I was wrong on all three counts.

CJ

[Special Agent Jazz]

Originally posted by even sven
(also complicating this is that I'm manic-depressive, and I can't imagine life without the sublime highs that I get in a manic state)


I'm manic depressive as well and suffer from rapid cycling now. However, since I have been living with this for over 10 years now, I can tell you, I know how you feel. I can't even remember what my life was like without my highs in my manic state. Probably 90% of the time, I'm on a high and then I crash.

It took years but I became stablized not too long ago with the right dosage of lithium. The crashes are not so bad but the insomnia is just ridiculous. I love my manic highs especially when I don't care about anything and feel like I can take over the world. Of course, some of the bad crashes have caused me to attempt taking my life.

However, drugs are not always for everyone but there are alot of combination out there that actually do work. It's really up to the person, no one can force you to take the medication. I think you should do what's best for you and what works for you but definitely talk to someone.

Of course, do as I say and never as I do. I have real problems with trusting people so I don't really see a therapist. It really takes alot for someone to gain my *full* trust and actually have me open up. Alot of the times, I'll pretend nothing is wrong but if I break down in front of a person (which I have done with only one person really - a friend I've known for 10 years), it's a sign of full trust from me. Because I don't like anyone seeing me break down!

Hope things work out for all of you.

Jazz

[fishcrawford]

Thanks again to everyone who has posted. avabeth, your post was a welcome dissent from what is the popular opinion, and seems very well thought out. Siege, Zoe, sven -- MLS...thanks to everyone who took time to right something.

[Coldfire]

Originally posted by fishcrawford
OnTheFence is the same person as Fishcrawford, I was accidentally logged onto OnTheFence when I wrote this and didn't realize it. Which means that now, both OnTheFence and fishcrawford are banned, as creating two user names is against or rules.

Should you wish for your posting privileges to be reinstated, I suggest you e-mail one of our administrators and state your case.

This tread is closed.