Why do you have a right to comment on my appearance?

[Captain Blunty]

Well, the story goes like this.

This morning, (early, about 8am), I ran out of cigarettes, and decided to go down to the petrol station. It's only a 5 minute walk down my street. Anyway, as I am walking past a 4 wheel drive parked in the carpark, the male occupants started barking and hollering "ugly skank" at me.

Well, I buy my cigarettes and walk out of the station and their car is still there. I sigh, knowing that they are going to make more derogatory sounds and probably a comment on my appearance. I was right, as I walked past, one of the stupid fucking dickheads leaned over and said, "It's not our fault you're an ugly bitch."

This floored me. I stopped and stared for a second, then said nothing and walked away. Too hurt and too shocked to say anything. Yeah, so it was 8 am. I walked down to the corner store with my hair in a messy ponytail, big sweater and baggy pants and dirty shoes. So what? It's not a fucking catwalk!

Then, as I was walking towards my house, I see the car drive up and pull over next to me. The guys start screaming, "Yeah, fat ugly skank, go home! Go eat something you fat pig! Ha hahaha! Fucking ugly fatass!" I just ignored and went into my house.

But fuck! Now I am sitting here near tears, wondering why I care
what two dickheads think.

The funny thing is, these guys looked to be in their mid to late twenties ! These were not kids. These were adult males who found it nessesary to comment on how I looked because I didn't fit their "ideal." I have been a recovered bulimic for five years, and I struggle with my relationship with food everyday. It makes it hard when a complete stranger decides to make a derogatory remark and reminds me why I was bulimic in the first place.

I hate this! It's totally unfair that women and men who are not the "ideal" of beauty have to walk down the street and be subjected to offensesive and hurtful remarks by idiots who think that they have the right to comment! I don't understand how adults in today's society can be so hurtful and rude to complete strangers! It floors me.

There is so more more than looks to a person. The only thing that this morning's episode showed me was that these two men were ugly and horrible monsters underneath.

[Eilsel]

Aren't most men?

*ducking*

[Eilsel]

Seriously tho, I'm sorry. That really sucks. You could have been a stunning model and they may have said the same thing. You don't get nothin' but shit from an asshole.

[Lobsang]

Don't take it personally. I can't believe anyone would behave like that!

Their attitude is uglier than any human being's appearance can be. They are ugly inside

[Panzerfaust]

Sorry you had to deal with that, Cap'n. I'm thinkin' a few boys didn't quite make it out of junior high.

[deb2world]

In their world they demand that EVERYONE that comes within their sight have a perfect body--a size 0 of course. Cause in their egotistical minds they think that all women want them.

In your world you should demand everyone who comes into contact with you be beautiful on the inside. Unfortunately you had to meet up with some truly ugly people today.

I also do not understand how someone can be mean like that. They can't be smart cause an intelligent person matures and learns that inside is as important as outside.

After saying all of that, I'll bet that you really are a beautiful person on the outside as well.

[Giraffe]

I'm guessing they're frustrated because they have yet to successfully attract a (human) mate. Console yourself with the fact that the hurt you feel right now will fade and disappear, while they will live out the rest of their lives as horrible little trolls.

[NoClueBoy]

Captain Blunty, I've never seen you, but I think you're beautiful.

Sounds like those guys haven't evolved yet.



Please, please, please talk this out some more if you feel the need to. Do not go back to old destructive patterns.

You are a wonderful person. Hey, you're here, right?

[Miller]

I used to get the same thing all the time. Every now and then, I'd be walking down the street and a carful of passing teenagers would yell "Fatass!" or something similar. And I'm a guy. It was hugely upsetting to me, too. I'd spend the rest of the day in a funk over it. Then I realized that I was getting upset because a bunch of strangers with no fucking manners and almost no intelligence didn't like me, and I couldn't think of a single reason why I should care. Think about it: you're disliked by people who like to shout insults at random passers-by. Do you want these people to like you?

If that doesn't work, I recommend Plan B: Kidnap them and place them in your own cunningly constructed Labyrinth of Death. Tape the results and sell it to Pay-per-View. It could be the latest thing in reality TV.

[Eve]

That is awful. I have also been insulted and called ugly and--well, all kinds of personal things about my appearance, and even the most well-adjusted and happy person in the world can't help but be poleaxed by such attacks.

I don't know what to say to help you get over it, because I know it just plain hurts.

[dropzone]

Sorry to hear about the jerks, Caps. NoClueBoy has a very real clue on THIS, though. We're here 24/7 (some of us literally) if you need someone to talk to.

[DdDHellspawn]

This is why men get a bad rap. Because of assholes like this. :smack:

Fuck those stupid bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't let those dusche(sp?) bags fuck your day up. People like that pick on other people because they don't feel good about themselves and get pleasure out of putting other people down.

Be proud of who you are and know you're better than them!!!:D

[Lobsang]

I don't think they give Men a bad rap. Little boys maybe. They are not 'Man' enough to give men a bad rap.

I hope you understand my meaning (they are worthless shits)

[jsgoddess]

Amazing, isn't it? These male individuals really think that if they call you names they will become virile, powerful, and not the laughingstocks of the gene pool.

Poor deluded monkeyboys.

Julie

[Evil Captor]

Assholes abound, and when they're in cars they feel PARTICULARLY invulnerable. I was riding my bike today in 90 degree heat. I'd just climbed a long hill that has a WAAAY nasty steep section about halfway up, and although the hill had levelled off I was still winded. Basically, I was just trying to keep the bike going forward and not keel over while I caught my breath. Some jerk in a car yells "Look at him go! He's really pedalling!'

Well. what a stupid jerk. I wrote him off as an ass and kept pedalling. You have to realize that the guys who say things like this are the absolute bottom of the barrel. You've been dissed by the male equivalent of an illiterate crack ho. You're upset, don't be. You'll forget about this shortly, he'll still be an ass, for years if not for life.

[hajario]

Those guys deserve pity. I feel sorry for them. They will never get the pleasure of seeing, appreciating and enjoying your beauty. That is a huge loss. They must be miserable inside to have behaved that way.

Haj

[lezlers]

I can't believe people actually do this. Actually, I can. My X's sister, although she never shouted insults from a moving car, would make comments about people's appearences loud enough so they could hear.

She had the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever seen. She was also a very, very unhappy person.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[hajario]

Those guys deserve pity. I feel sorry for them. They will never get the pleasure of seeing, appreciating and enjoying your beauty. That is a huge loss. They must be miserable inside to have behaved that way.

Haj

[7 up yours]

Why do you have a right to comment on my appearance? Because they could see you! *backs away a little*

I will bet you my life savings ($24.67) that they were drunk yet driving around making nasty remarks to anyone they saw. Really, that's what high school boys do (which apparently, they're still acting like)

[John Mullets]

Fucking idiots. Frankly, I think we should kick people like that out of our great country (I'm an Aussie too), it's so bloody un-Australian.

Personally, I think our country had gone down-hill as of late, when immature thugs a few beers short of a six-pack can harass lovely people in a vain attempt to increase their own self-importance.

Well, I always try to keep a postive mind but in this case, well, they're just thugs. If it means anything to you, this rabid insulting is a sign of a lack of self-confidence, they feel they aren't 'man' enough, they have short dicks, something like that.

You know, I'm actually pretty young and I see this totally unacceptable behaviour being almost rewarded amongst my peers, that sickens me. When it's grown men acting like this, well, it's just pathetic.

And just between you, me and the rest of the English speaking world, fuck what people think "beauty" is. You know how those fuckin' movie stars and that get that thin? Mostly chuckin' up their guts in the toilet and making sure to jog like mad, something a little silly when you have no energy, and dangerous. These whole fuckin' "no carb" celebrity diets are actually dangerous to you health, sure, you may be unnaturally thin now but in a couple years, you'll be weak as a kitten.

Once I read something Miss. Spears said, "I don't lift weights anymore because it makes me look too big, I do yoga," what the fuck is this shit? "Oh no, some tiny hint of definition in my arms, I LOOK LIKE A GORILLA!" Fuck this.

I don't see the beauty in this unnatural body shape shit. Personally, I see beauty in women like you who are fucking strong enough to conquear this shit, so don't give them any satisfaction. You shouldn't bother with shits like that, who have sticks up their arse because they can't get laid or whatever fucking bullshit reason because frankly, anyone who thinks that being a filthy, uneducated scumbag is better than not being the next anorexic Hollywood whore needs to get their head and their arse wired straight.

Sorry it had to happen to you.

[sturmhauke]

Look at this way: What kind of pathetic loser hangs out in a gas station parking lot at 8 in the morning, for no apparent reason?

[Cat Whisperer]

I don't think there's anyone alive who hasn't been floored by some strange asshole's comments, and I also don't think there's any defense against it making you feel bad. When I think of all the nasty comments (intentional and unintentional) that I've heard in my life, I could just curl up into a ball and sob. But, we tell ourselves that they don't know us, pick up our self-esteem off of the floor, and move on.

Hey, I've got an idea we can try - next time someone says something mean to you, compliment the next person you see. Maybe the good feeling you get from being nice to someone will wash away the negative feeling from someone being mean to you.

[Heloise]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Some people just have no clue. But remember, you had to deal with these idiots for a few minutes. They have to deal with themselves for a lifetime. Now, that's a punishment almost too painful for anyone!

[The Asbestos Mango]

I think this little tale makes a perfect case for carrying pepper spray at all times.

Maybe spraying down the interior of their car, their clothing, their eyes, etc. would make them think twice about shouting insults at random strangers in parking lots.

Not a big advocate of violence in general, but really, violence is the only language ingnorant carrion-felchers like this understand. They don't have enough folds in their cerebral cortex to understand that it's wrong to be mean to people, but that reptilian core of the brain can associate bad behavior with extreme pain...

[as_u_wish]

{{{{{Captain}}}}}. I can relate to the depth of hurt you feel.

When I was in the mid-stages of recovering from eating difficulties and accompanying overweight, I went to an get-to-gether of on-line friends--similar to the doper get-to-gethers. One person took pictures and posted them on line. Someone who had not attended took it upon themselves to post captions to the pictures. Primarily derogatory captions. I was just starting to come out of my self-imposed cocoon, feeling pretty darn good about how I looked. And ka-pow! Apparently I was still disgusting. The pain put me in a tailspin. Took me months to get back on an even keel. One of the biggest lies we are ever told is "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me." Yeah, right.

So, I offer you hugs. And prayers (or thoughts if you prefer). Don't let those bastards get you down. Self-proclaimed "beautiful people" usually aren't.

[Captain Blunty]

Thank you all so much. It's times like these that I am reminded why I love the SDMB community so much.

The biggest fear I have is reverting back to my old ways and beginning to binge and purge again. I am also scared for all those poor girls out there who develop eating disorders in part because of the things people like this say.

Being an ex Bulimic, I do know that comments like this from strangers didn't cause my eating disorder. I do realise that Anorexia and Bulimia are diseases. However, idiots like this just remind me of the way I felt when I believed that being thin and beautiful was the most important thing in my life. I suspect that a lot of other girls feel this way too.

Comments like this from strangers also makes me very sad. It reminds me of what a superficial and looks consious world we live in. People are praised on their looks, when no one has control over whether or not they were born beautiful. In every magazine, we see beautiful models and the columnists are gossiping about how much weight a star has lost/gained, how much plastic surgery a star has had, the new star diets etc. And the nedia portrays an unrealistic image of beauty, which 99 percent of the time is unattainable for the average person, unless they have the money for dieticians, personal trainers, and a ton of plastic surgery.

That's why I love this board so much. People are praised on their intellegence, their sense of humour, their wit, their achievements. No one fawns over the most beautiful dopers simply because they happened to have been born stunning.

Sorry to ramble, but I haven't been put down like this for such a long time and it hurts so bad. I have had bad days in my recovery (I will always be in recovery. Unfortunatly, this disease is for life) but this is the worst day I have had in a long time.

I want to extend the deepest thanks to all of you who have posted. Your kindness brings tears to my eyes and reminds me of what "beautiful" really means.

[LilyoftheValley]

Originally posted by featherlou
Hey, I've got an idea we can try - next time someone says something mean to you, compliment the next person you see. Maybe the good feeling you get from being nice to someone will wash away the negative feeling from someone being mean to you.

Awww featherlou, you rock! (And I'm not just saying that because someone insulted me! :D )

[LilyoftheValley]

P.S. I forgot to say, [b]Cap'y Blunty[b], I'm giving the guys the benefit of the doubt by assuming they were at the gas station to conduct their daily morning sniffing of gas fumes, which explains their arrested development, not to mention their stupidity. Please don't think these men represent the views of anyone not high on benzene.

[SnoopyFan]

Oh Blunty hon. I've been there myself, many times.

If it's any consolation karma will bite them in the ass in about 20 year's time when assholes just like them do the same thing to the daughters these guys will invariably have. (Having your kid insulted hurts worse than being insulted yourself.)

I like the pepper spray idea. I wonder if any lawyer dopers would be willing to educate us on the legality of spraying someone who verbally assaults you ...

(Paintball guns would work too now that I think about it.)

See, this is why we need ENK (Earl needed killin') laws. Okay, just joking there ... but some people do need a cap in their ass, no?

[Kricket]

Oh, here's a story for you that might make you feel a bit better, or at least make you smile.
I was getting ready to head to the pool with my heathens and we had to stop at a store to pick up a few things for grilling after swimming.
Well, I'm a pretty unique individual with the way I dress, and I'm a touch chunky as well. But, I always say I don't care what others think, and my man likes the way I look and I like the way I dress.
Anyway, I was wearing my bikini top and my long full tie-dye skirt to cover my bottoms. Cool, and easy to slip on and off for swimming. Actually I tend to live in that skirt in the summer time.
And as I walked into the store to teen girls started giggling in my direction behind their hands.
And as I walked past them one said to the other "Oh my god, did you just see that!" and more giggling.
So, I calmly turned to them and informed them that some of us are proud of our bodies and secure enough to wear what pleases them and not what pleases others, and that some of us were not only taught better manners, but used them as well.
They were floored! It was great! What made it better was when one of the girls mother rounded the corner hearing the whole thing and called the girl on it! "I told you that your mouth would get you in trouble. How would you feel if someone made fun of you?"

I was so proud of myself!
I can be myself online and I can pretty much say what I want online, but in public I tend to keep things to myself and then stew over them with my friend.
My friend was also proud of me since he says I don't stick up for myself often enough.

I think you did the right thing by walking away from them, and just let it roll off your back hon.
They must be pretty insecure about themselves.
One of the things I love about the boards is that nobody pays attention to what the other poster looks like and we all have something to share.
We tend not like people for their looks, but what their words and thoughts say about them.

[Primaflora]

Oh that's awful! I'm so sorry those arseholes did that. That kind of shit hurts out of all proportion to what actually happened and you can rationalise all you want but it hurts.

Geez, what a world we live in :(

[Pixiesnix]

I am so sorry. FWIW, I've been there and back, and have the postcards to prove it. Junior High was hell for me, as I had severe acne and was (and still am) overweight. But for grown men to do that...that's just amazing. While those of their lowly ilk are beneath notice, their comments were still hurtful. Anyway, I like you fine just the way you are. Yeah yeah, I know I stole it from Mr. Rogers, but it's true.

[butter pie]

Don't feel too bad about it. I've been called all kinds of names, fat, ugly, you name it... I don't believe I'm any of them. Insecure people will say almost anything about anyone to make themselves feel better about their own flaws. Trust me. It only reflects on their self esteems, and shouldn't have any bearing on yours.

[Nanoda]

I'm not the type to be giving "hugs", I'd rather help you turn their 4x4 into a 3x3 with an axe. Someone's probably said this already, but you're taking that way too personally. They'd have said something like that to anyone going by who didn't look like they could kick their ass. This happened to me once in a parking lot with a friend, and if there'd been a lug wrench around, I'd... probably have had my ribs broken by them.

Well, just try to remember assholes like that exist, and unless you look like you belong in a motorcycle gang, they're gonna hurl abuse at random people. Doesn't mean you can't despise them for it, but you're way out there thinking it has something to do with you. Tell us if you get to use the pepper spray next time. :)

[Tansu]

As you know, it's nothing about you and everything about them. Grown men who behave like that are defective.

[Einmon]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I always wondered what made people yell out hurtful comments towards others with no apparent reason. But I think that's the point - there's just no reason. They don't mean to insult you personally, they just mean to insult whoever is passing by.

Personally, I think it's that by setting you down it makes their sorry asses feel better. I'm thinking this because I experience this a lot while jogging. When I am jogging by people usually yell: "Look at the fatass go!" or "You need to train more so your fat doesn't jiggle!" At first I was devastated (I was just starting to feel better about my weight issue), but since I lost about 20 pounds when I was training for a marathon and am by no means chubby anymore, it's still happening. I figure it's because I'm jogging and they're not.

So don't let this get to you too much. They're just assholes. And if you still have nagging doubts regarding your appearance: don't. While you probably don't look like a supermodel (who does when going out for cigarettes - have you looked at pictures of celebrities at home???) this has nothing to do with it, but with issues of insecurity. Theirs, not yours.

Hence, don't let this add to your insecurity, let this add to the knowledge that there are people out there who care for you, while there probably aren't a lot of people caring for those idiots in the car.

[MsRobyn]

Originally posted by lezlers
I can't believe people actually do this. Actually, I can. My X's sister, although she never shouted insults from a moving car, would make comments about people's appearences loud enough so they could hear.

She had the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever seen. She was also a very, very unhappy person.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Sadly, my mother is the same way. She feels no compunction whatsoever about making remarks about people's weight in front of them. She's so insecure about her own appearance that she feels the need to make herself feel better by making others feel worse.

Mom made an issue of my weight for years. I was always too heavy, even when I wasn't. At one point, I met the weight requirements for the Army, which are pretty strict. That was still too much for Mom.

Now that I'm an adult, I don't have to buy into her bullshit. She brings up my weight every time I talk to her. I deflect the conversation by making it clear it isn't fodder for discussion. She also knows that if her behavior persists, that I am fully prepared to hang up on her, walk out of her house, whatever it takes to bring home the fact that her behavior isn't acceptable, and that I will not tolerate it.

Cap'n Blunty, those boys were assholes, pure and simple. Whatever their motivation, it wasn't good. It's a shame they felt the need to insult a total stranger. They're going to end up with serial marriages, if they can find someone shallow enough to marry them.

Robin

[Kalhoun]

I have a friend that asked the veterinarian assistant what was wrong with her arm (she'd had a stroke -- it was withered). I was visibly shocked at her rudeness. She said, "What? I wanted to KNOW!"

Whatever.

Some people just don't get it.

[thatDDperson]

Blunty, dear...take some snarky advice from an old hand at dealing with loudmouth assholes.

If it happens again, stop dead in your tracks, open your eyes real wide and just LOOK at them. Then point out the obvious.

"I can lose weight. I can fix my hair, dress up, wear makeup, change my appearance any way I choose. YOU will never gain another braincell, and i'd bet the one you have is lonely."

Hold your head up and walk away.

[december]

Originally posted by Captain Blunty
But fuck! Now I am sitting here near tears, wondering why I care what two dickheads think. You have company. Thirty years ago I was jogging and some young men in a car yelled out that I looked goofy. I still remember the insult and am bothered by it. It seems to be human nature to care too much about what other people think about us.

[Eve]

Hell, I still remember something that happened on my 21st birthday, and that was back during the McKinley administration! I dolled myself up and went, by myself, to a restaurant/nightclub. Had dinner, then wandered around the dance floor, listening to the music and enjoying watching everyone dancing: just hanging out. Then I heard some guys behind me laughing and making comments about how I looked like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Now, that's all I can remember about my 21st birthday . . .

[Tansu]

Damn that sucks.

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! DON'T BE SO FUCKING MEAN! IT MAKES THE BABY KARL MARX SHIT HIS DIAPER.

[cankerist]

Captain Blunty you and I have come across each others paths before on at least one other issue that we just don’t see eye to eye.

I’m very pleased to say that on this issue we are in complete agreement. These guys who were insulting you are mere arse-wipes.

You shouldn’t take it personally though, because if it wasn’t you then it would have been the next person down the street. It is not a personal attack against you, of course, because these boys don’t even know you.

In your life you are going to meet plenty more ass-wipes, these will not be the last. You have to be prepared for all of them. Don’t be afraid to tell them to shove it.

[cagiva650]

WHat those butt wipes did was bordering on assaultive, I would've reported their aggressive behavior to the cops. WHo knows, they might've been coming off a binge and looking to whack someone, maybe they already did and you might have been next! Especially since they followed you, and this is in broad daylight in the morning!

It happens! At least it is fairly common in the USA sadly.

If it was me, i would have breathed on 'em, morning breath and all you know :)

[jsgoddess]

Depending on the mental age of these boys, this tactic can work:

Boys: You're fat and ugly!
Me: (approaching them deliberately) Why would you say that?
Boys: Because you are!
Me: Do you know me?
Boys: No.
Me: What are you hoping I'll do when you call me names?
Boys: (shuffling their feet)

Etc. Sometimes, boys (more so that girls, I've found) can be taken aback by a woman standing up for herself in a positive, non-insulting way. Just replying to their hurtful comments with questions like, "Why would you say that?" or "Do you like to be insulted?" can often take the wind out of their sails.

Quite often, it seems there's one boy in every group who will be shamed by being confronted. That boy may influence his group, and more importantly, that boy may be salvageable!

Julie

[Gravity]

A couple of weeks ago, I was waiting for the city hall theater to open up to go see a play. My girlfriend was with me. We were walking past the benches that were occupied to get to one that was empty to wait when this old man started insulting us.

"Hey do you need a license?"
*ignore, ignore*
"Hey you two fat fucks, I'm talking to you! Do you need a license to drive that fat ass of yours on the sidewalk?"

I was stunned. We're both women in our late twenties, still professionally dressed from work, not bothering anyone, and we get heckled on the street by this loser. I turned around, already feeling sick to my stomach becase of how much I hate confrontation of any sort.

The guy was with/in a group of probably a dozen teenagers, mostly boys, but the guy was probably in his sixties. He had that slack-skinned look that my grampa got after years of heavy drinking. The boys around him were laughing at his wit.

I took two steps back toward him and said - mostly in shock when I saw that he was about 45 years older than I had expected - "Aren't you a little old to be hanging around with kids on a street corner?"

He jumped back behind his live teen shield, who looked a little uncomfortable at...I don't know what, but something.

He said something witty like "aren't you a little fat to be so fat, you cunt?"

My girlfriend was tugging on my arm saying "c'mon, let's just go" and such. We turned to go elsewhere - it's obvious that the bench wasn't a good choice for a peaceful 20 minute wait, so we walked away. He yelled "go back to Jersey, you sluts!" at our backs (I have no idea what he's talking about. I live 5 miles from the hospital I was born in...) we walked around the town hall to the police station behind it I told the desk guy that he was out there harassing people.

Just...what kind of teen would hang around with a probably-drunk old man? It was creepy.
I hate being insulted, like most people it makes me feel bad. I don't know why some people think that insulting a random person on the street is in any way okay.
Yeah, I know that the reason they do it is to make someone feel bad, but it just doesn't make sense.

[Encinitas]

Over the years I have experienced my fair share of insults from strangers. My strategy for coping with the inevitable feelings of anger, depression, self-loathing, loss, helplessness, etc. is to remind myself that if I continue to let the incident bother me, then the assholes win twice. Once for humiliating me at that moment and once for making the rest of my life miserable. I will not give them that satisfaction.

[lorinada]

Captain Blunty I've always had a weight problem, but up until fairly recently was always able to keep my weight at least close to normal by vigorous exercise - usually walking and jogging and constantly watching what I eat.

One time, 19 years ago, I was on one of those walks when a carload of fucks drove by, and one of them stuck his head out and shouted "Why don't you go on a diet, you fat bitch?" By the time I got home I was in a full sob. It didn't help that my mother rode me my entire life over my weight, but at that time I was actually at my ideal weight. I guess it's my stocky body type that made them decide I was "fat". And I kept asking myself "why the hell do they think I am in jogging clothes, jogging shoes, and speeding down the sidewalk?"

Like I said, that was 19 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It is because of that one incident that, now that I really am a fat bitch, when I go for my walks I only go when night has fully fallen for fear the appearance of another fat bitch doing her best to not be fat insults another fuck's sensibilities. This is also the incident that makes me occasionally make the comment that some people seem to think fat people are fat only for the purposes of insulting their sensibilities.

I hope your willingness to talk about it here, and the support you receive, means that in 19 years you won't even remember it happened.

[Elza B]

Originally posted by Captain Blunty


I want to extend the deepest thanks to all of you who have posted. Your kindness brings tears to my eyes and reminds me of what "beautiful" really means.

Beautiful is so much more than looks. I have a friend who would not be considered beautiful by society standards, but she is one of the most caring, sweet, brilliant women I know - and to *me*, she is beautiful. I have been there when she's been called names on the street, and it took all I had not to go beat them to a bloody pulp. Because *she* shook it off - because *she* knows that she's worth more than that and that she was a bigger person than they were. I love her for that.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Please don't let these guys get to you. I know how you feel - especially about the binging (not about the purging, although I did try that a few times), and I've been shouted at for no reason, and yes, it did hurt me terribly. Rise above them because *you* are worth it. Don't forget that. (And feel free to email if you need to talk - the address is in my profile.).

Ava

[TVeblen]

I'm sorry you experienced that, Captain Blunty.

If it's any consolation, the whole incident really wasn't about you in the slightest. Truly. The vicious cretins had an excess load of pointless meaness they wanted to dump and you just happened to be handy. If a supermodel walked past them they would have found hateful to say. (Snobbish bitch, whore, etc. ) They would have vented their spite on anyone they felt unlikely to fight back, with their insults tailored accordingly.

Anyone whose ever been on the receiving end of drive-by insults knows that sick, sucker-punched-in-the-stomach feeling. It's danged near impossible not to feel hurt, furious and outraged. Of course that's why they do it: pointless aggression, hurting total strangers just for kicks. They're pathetic losers.

I didn't see them but can tell you anyway that they're grotesque, butt-ugly people in all the ways that count.* You, on the other hand, are not. Hang in there, Captain Blunty, and don't let them stay inside your head a second longer than you can help.

Veb
Probably you were too stunned to register what they looked like physically but betcha they weren't exactly burnin' studmuffins themselves, y'know?

[The Great Unwashed]

Originally posted by Giraffe
Console yourself with the fact that the hurt you feel right now will fade and disappear, while they will live out the rest of their lives as horrible little trolls.

Abso-fucking-lutely, this is our compensation for having to meet these ugly people -- we are not them.

Don't worry about these sad little fuckers, Captain Blunty.

[lezlers]

Also, take solace in the fact that all of these asshole's karma is going to kick them in the asses harder than they could ever imagine.

I also agree that when confronted, most of these children will immediately back off. Doesn't work for drive by's, but it will in other situations, much like Cricket described. These people are cowards, you see? They pick easy targets, ones they don't think will fight back. That's what makes them hateful bullies.

[Special Agent Jazz]

I'm extremely sorry that you put up with that Captain Blunty and I'm sorry that society is so warped now that adult men are making fun of women who don't fit their "ideal".

I don't exactly fit the "ideal" either. And yes, once people know why, I get called out names on the street, picked up and yes, once or twice, beaten upon. Which is probably why I'm quite the skeptic and I have a hard time taking compliments or even believing people in general.

Beauty is inside, not only outside and I'm sure you are a beautiful person all around. Keep your chin up because the only opinion that matters is your own. You know how hard you are working to better yourself, concentrate on that and know you are better than they are.

[overlyverbose]

What a disgusting display! I'm very sorry, Blunty, that you had to be the target of such assholes. I hope you're day is going better, and I also hope they get run over by a truck.