I am such an idiot

[tdn]

You know, I'd be a pretty tactful guy if my mouth didn't keep fucking it up.

I've known Cheryl for maybe 17 years now. We've had sort of an on-again off-again relationship during that time. I sometimes go for years without seeing her, then we're like best friends again, like we never lost touch. I've seen guys come and go in her life. I was there when she married, then when she divorced, and there when she remarried.

We fell out of touch during her first pregnancy. I didn't see her again until last February, when I met her 2 children for the first time. And it was pretty obvious that a 3rd was on the way.

I haven't seen her since maybe April. I figured she's getting close to her due date. So tonight I spoke to her on the phone. While we were talking about kids, I asked her when her due date was. She asked me what I was talking about.

Uh oh.

I timidly asked again, realizing I was a dead man. She stated, somewhat miffed, that she wasn't having any more children. I sputtered and fumbled. I'm not sure, but I think I said that I blamed my mistake on the Bush administration. Or something like that.

That's twice in my life now I've inadvertantly called a woman fat.

If anyone needs me, I'll be under this here rock.

[Taters]

Oh man, I know exactly how you feel.

Many years ago, I knew a gal who was in fact pregnant, but I didn't know her due date. We ran into each other occassionally, but we weren't exactly close.

One day I was shopping at the Fred Meyer store, and I happened to run into her. So, we stop to chit-chat, and I stupidly asked her when her due date was. She looked rather miffed and coldly told me she had delivered TWO months ago.

I wanted to sink under the floor tile. God, I felt dumb. I fumbled and mumbled and apologized, but well, it was very awkward.

By the way, I am a woman, so it's not just a mistake men make.

[LauraLittlePony]

Bad job, tdn. Bad job.

[BubbaDog]

Been there myself.
While showing my for sale house to a man I casually mentioned that he and his wife would probably like the spare room for the nursery.

The wife was actually his daughter.

She was 13

She wasn't pregnant

To this day I just have to wonder how a somewhat slender 13 year old girl got a beer gut like that.

[TeaRoses]

Well, I'm a woman and I once almost asked a "pregnant" woman when the baby was due, only to have it hit me that she must have already delivered. I covered up for it but I'll never really know if she believed me or not.

I've also had a couple of people congratulate me on my pregnancy in the past few years, and I'm not pregnant. But I have put on a lot of weight, and it's really not their fault, so I'm honestly not angry with them. Hopefully Cheryl will get over it too.

[Captain Blunty]

Don't feel too bad tdn. I have stretch marks on my belly from yo yo dieting in my teens, and people spmetimes ask me how far along I am and when i'm due. I honestly don't get mad, because it's true. In some tops I do look pregnant.

And anyway, pregnant women are the most beautiful in the world. I'm not offended at all to be confused with these godesses!

[furr]

i usually wear skirts to work, a few days ago in a rush to find a clean skirt i caved in and wore pants to work for the first time ever. mistake. a co-worker asked me very loudly infront of clients if i was pregnant. my asnwer was of course "no, these pants just make me look incredibly fat, thanks for noticing"

normally i wouldnt be that sarcastic. but said co worker is well aware im not having kids, that my partner is snipped and that im serile.

[tdn]

Originally posted by Captain Blunty
Don't feel too bad tdn.

I probably shouldn't. Cheryl and family recently moved, and a mutual friend helped, because the husband "has a bad back, and Cheryl -- well, she shouldn't be lifting in her condition."

So I'm not the only one who thought that.

She was quite svelte and sexy before she started pumping out puppies. (She's still sexy, just not svelte.)

[Salieri2]

I think it was Dave Barry who once said not to ever assume a woman was pregnant unless you actually saw a baby coming out of her at the time. That's the standard I go by. Muuuuch safer.

[Typo Negative]

I was in a conversation with several female co-workers, and I was innocently asked to guess their ages.


I will never make THAT mistake again.

[Martiju]

Originally posted by spooje
I was in a conversation with several female co-workers, and I was innocently asked to guess their ages.


I will never make THAT mistake again.


Ooh - the dreaded 'guess the age' chasm of hell!!

My tactic is to have a think and then add at least 15 years. Smile when you say it and they know you're joking....unless you get it right :eek:

[tdn]

Originally posted by Martiju
Ooh - the dreaded 'guess the age' chasm of hell!!

My tactic is to have a think and then add at least 15 years. Smile when you say it and they know you're joking....unless you get it right :eek:

Naw, this one's easy. Just guess that they are all 18, unless they look under 18 -- then guess that they're 21.

[Kalhoun]

My husband and I went to a local airshow. He wanted me to take a ride in a doorless helicopter (what the fuck was I thinking?) and the guy told him that his daughter could ride for half-price. Poor guy! I laughed and waved as we took off. Joke was on me. It was pretty unnerving to ride with no fucking door!

[Janie Jones]

Originally posted by tdn
That's twice in my life now I've inadvertantly called a woman fat.tdn dear, do you happen to have any stories about calling women fat ... on purpose?

I'll bet some of those could be equally hilarious in the re-telling.

[tdn]

Originally posted by Janie Jones
tdn dear, do you happen to have any stories about calling women fat ... on purpose?

I'll bet some of those could be equally hilarious in the re-telling.

Alas, no. I try to avoid pissing women off intentionally. Besides, I do more than my share accidentally.

[Homebrew]

You should have blamed it on the mutual friend, saying you thought he or she told you Cheryl was preggers. But then add that "perhaps you're misremembered" or confabulated two different people.

[lieu]

Originally posted by Salieri2
I think it was Dave Barry who once said not to ever assume a woman was pregnant unless you actually saw a baby coming out of her at the time. ... or you're positive she works for The Weather Channel.

[Mama Tiger]

Why ARE all the women on TWC pregnant, anyway? Weird.

A few years ago when I was even chubbier about the middle than I currently am, I was leaning against a counter in a restaurant waiting for a friend to pay, and a man nearby asked me when my baby was due. The expression on his face when I told him that I wasn't pregnant, just fat, was well worth the embarrassment of realizing just how fat I WAS.

[ShoNuff]

This is why I NEVER, EVER ask a woman if she's pregnant, when she's due, etc. I figure if she wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up.

Actualy, I've found that many pregnant women get bored of talking about it the whole time, and enjoy talking about something else.

[Blonde]

Originally posted by lieu
... or you're positive she works for The Weather Channel.

Oh my, that's funny - I thought I was the only one who wondered about that phenomenon.

[Elemenopy]

A few years ago when I was even chubbier about the middle than I currently am, I was leaning against a counter in a restaurant waiting for a friend to pay, and a man nearby asked me when my baby was due. The expression on his face when I told him that I wasn't pregnant, just fat, was well worth the embarrassment of realizing just how fat I WAS.

I got to have the opposite experience. I was actually a few days overdue, belly sticking out to there, swollen face and ankles, the whole nine yards. Decided to go antiquing with my husband and mother, figuring all the walking around would jumpstart labor, and maybe I'd find something cute for the baby's room. I was chitchatting with a nice elderly gent who owned one of the shops when I had a really hard contraction and stopped midsentence and cringed a bit. The owner asked me "Are you okay, miss?"

I said, "...yes, just having a contraction, I'm due any minute now."

He said, "Oh, you're pregnant? I thought you were just really fat."

:eek:

[superstar]

Originally posted by spooje
I was in a conversation with several female co-workers, and I was innocently asked to guess their ages.


Heres a trick I have been using for years when quoting your own age, always add a couple to it. That way people will usually respond with... 'Oh God you look great'. If you take years away the response will go something like this... 'oh.'!

And in their head they will be thinking 'he/she hasn't aged well'

Works every time.

[Ca3799]

Ya, you can't win here. If you do ask, well, you know what happens. However, if you don't ask, they'll say "I can't believe you think I'm just fat."

In the medical field, all women are considered to be pregnant unless proven otherwise. I't fun to ask obviously (?) pregnant women if they are pregnant. They think you are stupid.

[norinew]

Originally posted by superstar
Heres a trick I have been using for years when quoting your own age, always add a couple to it. That way people will usually respond with... 'Oh God you look great'. If you take years away the response will go something like this... 'oh.'!
As a rule, I don't lie about my age. I don't think I look younger or older than I am, and if anyone asks, I just tell them my real age. But I've often thought that if I was gonna lie, I'd do it your way. After all, I really do look like I'm about 41 (which is how old I am), and if I say "I'm 35" people are gonna think "wow. She looks like hell!" But if I said I was 47, they'd say "Oh. I'd have never thought you were that old!"

Of course, there are other clues than my physical appearance. Some people have assumed me to be younger because I have a three-year-old, and most people with children that age are in their 20s and 30s.

[pencilpusher]

Originally posted by norinew
As a rule, I don't lie about my age. I don't think I look younger or older than I am, and if anyone asks, I just tell them my real age. But I've often thought that if I was gonna lie, I'd do it your way. After all, I really do look like I'm about 41 (which is how old I am), and if I say "I'm 35" people are gonna think "wow. She looks like hell!" But if I said I was 47, they'd say "Oh. I'd have never thought you were that old!"

Of course, there are other clues than my physical appearance. Some people have assumed me to be younger because I have a three-year-old, and most people with children that age are in their 20s and 30s.

people often mistake me for a 20 something yo because I have a 6 month old... not bad for a 37 yo huh ;) The look on their faces when I tell them I have an 18 yo also is PRICELESS!!!

[pencilpusher]

Originally posted by Elemenopy
I got to have the opposite experience. I was actually a few days overdue, belly sticking out to there, swollen face and ankles, the whole nine yards. Decided to go antiquing with my husband and mother, figuring all the walking around would jumpstart labor, and maybe I'd find something cute for the baby's room. I was chitchatting with a nice elderly gent who owned one of the shops when I had a really hard contraction and stopped midsentence and cringed a bit. The owner asked me "Are you okay, miss?"

I said, "...yes, just having a contraction, I'm due any minute now."

He said, "Oh, you're pregnant? I thought you were just really fat."

:eek:

HOW insensitively RUDE :mad: I was 8 months pregnant last Christmastime and went shopping for baby items and presents at WallyWorld. One of the employees asked me if I was having triplets and when I told her I had polyhydramnios (too much fluid) she said "oh I figured you were going to say you were just fat" My hubby went postal and made such a big fuss that I just walked out (letting him rant away) :rolleyes: Talk about making someone feel good (NOT) :wally

[pencilpusher]

Originally posted by Ca3799
Ya, you can't win here. If you do ask, well, you know what happens. However, if you don't ask, they'll say "I can't believe you think I'm just fat."

In the medical field, all women are considered to be pregnant unless proven otherwise. It's fun to ask obviously (?) pregnant women if they are pregnant. They think you are stupid.


I went to the ER when I was 18 weeks pregnant and wasn't asked if I was pregnant even tho I was already showing AND WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAID "delivering baby in February 2003 !!"
I was having contractions and the nurse at the front desk (a HUGE house of a woman) said "oh my are you pregnant?" When my hubby said I was she said "yikes I thought you were just overweight" BITCH That is the NUMBER ONE thing you NEVER say to a pregnant woman!!!!