Ask Michael Ellis³

[Michael Ellis]

In the grand tradition of "Ask Michael Ellis", and , "Ask Michael Ellis (Parte Dos)" (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=151514) I present Ask Michael Ellis³!

Go ahead. Ask me something.

[green_bladder]

What should I do about this thing that's been happening to this guy in that place? It's really buggin' me 'ya know.

Are you interested in buying my toenail clippings?

Where in the world is 'Location: Location'?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by green_bladder
What should I do about this thing that's been happening to this guy in that place? It's really buggin' me 'ya know.

I would deal with it.


Are you interested in buying my toenail clippings?

No.

Where in the world is 'Location: Location'?

Santa Cruz.

[Johnny Bravo]

How many soda cans should stack up next to my computer tower before I finally go recycle them?

Current count: 11

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Johnny Bravo
How many soda cans should stack up next to my computer tower before I finally go recycle them?

Current count: 11

18. Unless insects are being attracted to them, in which case, recycle immediately.

[Winston Smith]

What is the nature of Michael Ellis?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Winston_Smith
What is the nature of Michael Ellis?

Michael Ellis is a left-handed, semi-synthetic, alkaloid polymer chain.

[Michael Ellis]

Although normally associated with Carboniferous sub-stratas, Michael Ellis has been found in Tertiary basalts in Greenland and the Faroes Islands.

[Q.E.D.]

Where is my left sock?

[Michael Ellis]

On your right foot.

Your right sock however, is vacationing in Quadravoort Straat in the 6th Alternate Universe of Blarkon VII.

[Winston Smith]

If it takes half a chicken half a day to lay half an egg, then how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

[lel]

Why do you think Michael Ellis is important enough to merit three "Ask Michael Ellis" threads?

Is Michael Ellis more important than Cecil?

[Zeldar]

Is it a coincidence that Sille Leahcim is almost the same as Sholem Alechim? If so, why? If not, why not go with the more exotic form? It might even work as Salaam Elohim or however the Islamics do it.

On a more personal note, do favor euthanasia of odd-numbered children? Why or why not?

[cuauhtemoc]

Ah, the cursed one! How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursed-y?

[Soup_du_jour]

Are you aware that your name is an anagram of Achilles Mile?

And if so, what special signifigance does Achilles' Mile have?

[Lobsang]

What was that?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Winston Smith
If it takes half a chicken half a day to lay half an egg, then how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

7 hours, 12 minutes, 14 seconds.

Originally posted by lel
Why do you think Michael Ellis is important enough to merit three "Ask Michael Ellis" threads?

Is Michael Ellis more important than Cecil?

Lemon curry?

Originally posted by Zeldar
Is it a coincidence that Sille Leahcim is almost the same as Sholem Alechim? If so, why? If not, why not go with the more exotic form? It might even work as Salaam Elohim or however the Islamics do it.

Your guess is as good as mine.

On a more personal note, do favor euthanasia of odd-numbered children? Why or why not?

Perhaps.

Originally posted by cuauhtemoc
Ah, the cursed one! How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursed-y?

Iä! Iä! Tilt! Tilt! YOG-SOTHOTH!

Originally posted by Soup_du_jour
Are you aware that your name is an anagram of Achilles Mile?

No.

Originally posted by Lobsang
What was that?

A swallow carrying a coconut.

[AbbySthrnAccent]

What's your favorite CD?

Video?

Ice Cream?

[Stage Manager]

Are you the Michael Ellis that was my department manager at that mortgage company in 1984/5?

If so, I want to apologize for treating you and Springer badly. I've since found out I'm gay, too.

Peace.

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by AbbySthrnAccent
What's your favorite CD?

Coltrane Jazz from Atlantic.

Video?

Doctor Who: The Ambassadors of Death

Ice Cream?

Vanilla.


Originally posted by Mikie
Are you the Michael Ellis that was my department manager at that mortgage company in 1984/5?

No.

[Ephemera]

Star Trek or Star Wars? Ginger or Mary Anne? Cake or pie?

[Lobsang]

Fave line from Fawlty Towers

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Aesiron
Star Trek or Star Wars? Ginger or Mary Anne? Cake or pie?

Doctor Who. Either. Both.


Originally posted by Lobsang
Fave line from Fawlty Towers

"My God you're ugly."

[flood]

::Breaks into the Timewarp::

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by flood
::Breaks into the Timewarp::

*Boots flood out of thread.*

[flood]

Aha! I'm back and I have a question this time:

What's wrong with the Timewarp?

::Breaks back into the Timewarp again:: (please don't hurt me)

[Syntropy]

Is it safe?

[LudditeAndroid]

Cake or death?

[flood]

Is it safe?

I like that movie.

Cake or death?

Death (I don't like cake, but then again, this isn't my thread).

[friedo]

When will you give me back my belt sander?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by flood
Aha! I'm back and I have a question this time:

What's wrong with the Timewarp?


I hate that damn movie.

Originally posted by friedo
When will you give me back my belt sander?

Yes.

[flood]

You're a very unhappy man if you hate that movie :D.

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by flood
You're a very unhappy man if you hate that movie :D.

No I'm not. I just have good taste.

[Shirley Ujest]

How did you get the 3 to do that in your thread title?





Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

[Monstre]

Are you really Michael Ellis, or are you just Michael Ellis in disguise?

[Blackeyes]

Are you some kind of attention-seeking whore? If so, what kind of whore are you? Are you a cheap whore? Would you provide some sort of wide variety of whoreish goods/services in exchange for what ever it is you seek?

Do you have have laserbeams that shoot out of your eyes like turquoise beams of sexually transmitted death?

[Really Not All That Bright]

Do you use your powers for good, or for awesome?

[flood]

When was the last time you saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

[Lobsang]

must there be an and?

[Czarcasm]

Moving Michael's mindless musings to MPSIMS.

[lightingtool]

Here's a question...
Czarcasm did a fun little thing with the m's up there (alliteration or something), but how could we respond in kind?

Czarcasm's zany zebra?
Silly Czarcasmsliding stuff?
and for the phonetically challenged,
Can Czarcasm cut coupons?

[Syntropy]

Will anyone ever get lightingtool's name right?

[Shirley Ujest]

What happened to Michael Ellis?

[hebesphenomegacorona]

Who turned freddy krueger into an iceman that was killing people in Crystal lake?

[TwistofFate]

Dude, where's my car?

[Blackeyes]

In which state of matter does Michael Ellis prefer to exist?

[Isabelle]

My co-worker chews with his mouth opened. He eats the same lunch everyday. Peanut Butter sandwhich and sliced apple. I hate hearing the sucking noises and the crunching 5ft away. What evil things can I do to him?

[HerMajestyLorna]

Originally posted by Blackeyes
In which state of matter does Michael Ellis prefer to exist?

Apparently not in this thread.

[Shirley Ujest]

Paging Michael Ellis!

Paging Michael Ellis!

Please Pick up the White Courtesy Phone located by the Hertz Rental Counter.

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Shirley Ujest
Paging Michael Ellis!

Paging Michael Ellis!

Please Pick up the White Courtesy Phone located by the Hertz Rental Counter.

Sorry to keep you waiting, but I've been on vacation for the past few days and only set up my dial up connection for my laptop this morning.

Originally posted by Shirley Ujest
How did you get the 3 to do that in your thread title?

I used the Windows Character Map and picked out the superscript three.

Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

The same man who but the sham in the shamalamadingdong. Unfortunately, history has forgotten his name.

Originally posted by Monstre
Are you really Michael Ellis, or are you just Michael Ellis in disguise?

I am really Michael Ellis. Really.

Originally posted by Blackeyes
Are you some kind of attention-seeking whore? If so, what kind of whore are you? Are you a cheap whore? Would you provide some sort of wide variety of whoreish goods/services in exchange for what ever it is you seek?

I am no kind of whore, sir or ma'am.

Do you have have laserbeams that shoot out of your eyes like turquoise beams of sexually transmitted death?

No.

However, "Sexually Transmitted Death" would be an excellent name for a band.


Originally posted by dutchboy208
Do you use your powers for good, or for awesome?

For average. I think it makes a nice change from Good and Evil.

Originally posted by flood
When was the last time you saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Several years ago. It's really overrated IMO.

Originally posted by Lobsang
must there be an and?

Probably.

Originally posted by lightingtool
Here's a question...
Czarcasm did a fun little thing with the m's up there (alliteration or something), but how could we respond in kind?

Czarcasm's zany zebra?
Silly Czarcasmsliding stuff?
and for the phonetically challenged,
Can Czarcasm cut coupons?

Those are good enough, I think.


Originally posted by Maureen
Will anyone ever get lightingtool's name right?

Dunno. Probably.

Originally posted by hebesphenomegacorona
Who turned freddy krueger into an iceman that was killing people in Crystal lake?

Ross Perot.

Originally posted by TwistofFate
Dude, where's my car?

Dublin, probably.

Originally posted by Blackeyes
In which state of matter does Michael Ellis prefer to exist?

Negatively charged plasma.

Originally posted by Isabelle
My co-worker chews with his mouth opened. He eats the same lunch everyday. Peanut Butter sandwhich and sliced apple. I hate hearing the sucking noises and the crunching 5ft away. What evil things can I do to him?

You could buy a squirt gun and fire it at his mouth while he chews, or maybe film him secretly and distribute the video on the internet under the title of 'disgusting manners'. Apart from that, I can't think of anything else right now.

[faithfool]

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

[Lobsang]

Did you get a feeling of deja vous?


where is the with how?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by hopefool
What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Many things.

Originally posted by Lobsang
Did you get a feeling of deja vous?

Tonight on It's the Mind we examine the phenomenon of deja vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something tonight on It's the Mind we examine the phenomenon of deja vu on It's the Mind tonight on It's the Mind we examine the phenomenon of deja vu...


where is the with how?

Who did the what in the huh?

[Aslan of Narnia]

In a world populated solely by Michael Ellises, who would be your Michael Ellis?

Pre crisis, what were Superman's animal sidekicks?

Why do my monocles keep flinging themselves from my face in fits of rage?

What is your age in dog years?

[Lobsang]

So, when given a table, what kind of hello can jack palance wibble?

[Shirley Ujest]

Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Aslan of Narnia
In a world populated solely by Michael Ellises, who would be your Michael Ellis?

Kirsten Dunst.

Pre crisis, what were Superman's animal sidekicks?

Don't know, don't really care.

Why do my monocles keep flinging themselves from my face in fits of rage?

Because you're an evil supervillain/Nazi that's about to be defeated.

What is your age in dog years?

2.8

Originally posted by Lobsang
So, when given a table, what kind of hello can jack palance wibble?

Bing tiddle tiddle bang.

Originally posted by Shirley Ujest
Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?

Not yet, no. Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[Aslan of Narnia]

Originally posted by Michael Ellis
Kirsten Dunst.

Kirsten Dunst is really a Michael Ellis?


Don't know, don't really care.

Why don't you care? Don't you enjoy and appreciate our questions, ready to answer things to the fullest with bibliographic footnotes and denotations?


Because you're an evil supervillain/Nazi that's about to be defeated.

No, I am simply a millionaire playboy spending my nights on the town, putting on the ritz. When I get into my limo, they start screaming epithets and quickly scramble themselves off my face. Perhaps I should redecorate my limo?


2.8

No arguing with that one!

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Aslan of Narnia
Kirsten Dunst is really a Michael Ellis?


Why don't you care? Don't you enjoy and appreciate our questions, ready to answer things to the fullest with bibliographic footnotes and denotations?

I just don't really care about comic books or superheroes. I never have. That's not to say I don't like answering these questions.


No, I am simply a millionaire playboy spending my nights on the town, putting on the ritz. When I get into my limo, they start screaming epithets and quickly scramble themselves off my face. Perhaps I should redecorate my limo?

I'd suggest putting slices of smoked imported gouda cheese on the ritz, myself.

Other than that, what is the interior of the limo like?

No arguing with that one!

[Monty Burns]

Ex-cellent.

[/Monty Burns]

[Michael Ellis]

Zounds! Damnation!

Kirsten Dunst is not a Michael Ellis as far as I know, I just really like her.

[Aslan of Narnia]

Originally posted by Michael Ellis




I'd suggest putting slices of smoked imported gouda cheese on the ritz, myself.

Other than that, what is the interior of the limo like?


I lined it with mink fur, dyed bright purple. My seats are also made of authentic mongoose/lycra blend fibres sewed onto rhino hide with leopard print phoenix feathers. The wine cooler is stocked with only the rarest and best premium '97 liquor store brands.

Also, dead souls(mostly damned, some I got in a poker game) are forever imprinted on the walls and floors, screaming to be let go.

I don't get what the problem is. :confused:

Also, will their be a 4th thread?(Micheal Ellis goes Forth?)

Do you have questions for the bisexual male teenager?

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Aslan of Narnia
I lined it with mink fur, dyed bright purple. My seats are also made of authentic mongoose/lycra blend fibres sewed onto rhino hide with leopard print phoenix feathers. The wine cooler is stocked with only the rarest and best premium '97 liquor store brands.

Also, dead souls(mostly damned, some I got in a poker game) are forever imprinted on the walls and floors, screaming to be let go.

I don't get what the problem is. :confused:

Tone it down a bit. How about a plain black leather interior?

Also, will their be a 4th thread?(Micheal Ellis goes Forth?)

Probably.

[/B]Do you have questions for the bisexual male teenager? [/B]

What is your quest?

[Blackeyes]

What is your favorite color?

[NoClueBoy]

Ah, a 1920s style death ray.

[nitroglycerine]

Which is worse the itching or the burning?

Why is Fred Durst famous?

Mortica Adams or Lily Munster?

How does Columbia House turn a profit when nobody actually orders anything after they recieve their introductory pacage?

Why isn't Paul Harvey dead yet?

Why didn't you do a Google search on Supermans Pre-crisis pets?
Didn't you even wonder whether the poster was asking about Earth 1 Superman or Earth 2 Superman?
Why Wasn't the Bizzaro Superman represented in the Crisis Series? Will you Google that question for me?

Jon

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by Blackeyes
What is your favorite color?

Blue. No Gree -- AAAAAAAGGHHH!!!

[Michael Ellis]

Originally posted by nitroglycerine
Which is worse the itching or the burning?
The commercials for the cure.

Why is Fred Durst famous?
He sold his sold, but forgot to ask for talent.

Mortica Adams or Lily Munster?
Jean Harlow.

How does Columbia House turn a profit when nobody actually orders anything after they recieve their introductory pacage?
They have the dreaded Greenspan version of the Necronomicon.

[/B][/QUOTE]Why isn't Paul Harvey dead yet?[/B][/QUOTE]
Because he's an android from the future.

Why didn't you do a Google search on Supermans Pre-crisis pets?
Because I'm really not interested in it.

Didn't you even wonder whether the poster was asking about Earth 1 Superman or Earth 2 Superman?
What?

Why Wasn't the Bizzaro Superman represented in the Crisis Series? Will you Google that question for me?
No. I don't like superheroes.

Jon
Michael