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View Full Version : Have Clog Boy translate your favourite insult to Dutch!


Coldfire
04-10-2000, 07:35 AM
Yes, that's right folks. Come and get it.

As I promised Neuro in some Pit thread I forget right now, I'm hereby opening the Official Coldfire EN-DU Insult Translation Booth. Translations will be provided with the correct pronunciation. Since Neuro set me up to it, she'll be getting the first five insults for free. The rest of y'all will owe me one eternally for every translated insult.

Fire away, and I shall return fire in Dutch!

(Euty: Dutch insults are usually very polite and hardly contain profanities. However, given the foul nature of the English language, this might actually become a rather iffy topic for MPSIMS. You are of course free to move this baby to the Pit if necessary.)

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Defect borg:
"Refutile is sistance. Your ass will be simulated".
_______________________________________________________
WallyM7 on Coldfire:
"Yeah, he knows a little about everything because they have a good prison library."

meek
04-10-2000, 07:37 AM
Ok - I'll bite...

Translate:

Smart as a bowl of hair.

Thanks.

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Take care.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 07:42 AM
Smart as a bowl of hair.

Zo slim als een schaal met haar.

"zow slim olls un schl mit hr"

The "sch" sound is very hard to pronounce though. I don't know any English speaker that has mastered it properly.

meek
04-10-2000, 07:45 AM
Thanks.

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Zo slim als een schaal met haar.

WallyM7
04-10-2000, 07:46 AM
Somebody dipped Bj0rn into the stupid pot. Twice.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 07:49 AM
Somebody dipped Bj0rn into the stupid pot. Twice.

Iemand heeft bj0rn in de idiotenpot laten vallen. Twee keer.

"Eemund hafe-t bj0rn in du eedeeyo-tun-pot ltun vallun. Tway kirr."

WallyM7
04-10-2000, 07:51 AM
Thanks, Coldy.

meek
04-10-2000, 07:52 AM
"As sharp as a pound of wet liver"

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 07:54 AM
"As sharp as a pound of wet liver"

Zo scherp als een pond natte lever.

"Zow scherp ls un pnd nttu layvir."

Mullinator
04-10-2000, 08:13 AM
Coldfire,
You rock.

And amazingly, even though it is a Monday morning, I am getting sick, and I have to compute sales & use taxes all day for my company, I am in a pretty splendid mood. I don't require an insult translation. If Mr. Socko keeps up his shenanigans, I will be back.

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We went right out there and refused to do accoustical versions of the electrical songs that we had refused to record in the first place.

SwimmingRiddles
04-10-2000, 08:36 AM
I was friends with a Dutch exchange student in high school, who would regularly scream: "If ONE more person asks me if it's true that prostitution/pot/anything else is legal in my country, I'll..." "You'll what?" "I'll not answer them!" She rocked.

Anyway, I got her to tell me what "You are a monkey-face" in Dutch is, but I forgot. I learned that phrase in Indonesian, along with a few choice phrases. (phonetically: Kamu barrrr-mooka mon-yet).

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________________________________
I'm waiting for my Wally quote.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles:
"You are a monkey-face"[/B]

Je bent een apekop!

"Yu bent un pu-kop!"

That's quite an archaic one, though.

aha
04-10-2000, 08:44 AM
Ok Coldy here is one to translate,

Mr socko is a cheeky monkey

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I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
famous C&W song

Yours truly,
aha

NickyLarson
04-10-2000, 09:35 AM
My turn.

"He hasn't got his head TOO far up his ass."

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You'd think that Superman would be a good person to invite to a barbecue but trust me, he's not. I mean, sure he can cook the hot dogs fast with his heat vision, but they all taste of charred eye boogers.

Flypsyde
04-10-2000, 09:37 AM
Fuckwaffle.

Just for you, Cold.

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Battles are won in nuance.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 09:40 AM
Originally posted by aha:
Mr socko is a cheeky monkey

Meneer Sokje is een brutaal aapje.

"Mun-ir Sk-yu is un brew-tl pju"

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 09:42 AM
Originally posted by NickyLarson:
"He hasn't got his head TOO far up his ass."

Hij heeft zijn kop niet TE ver in zijn reet zitten.

"Hi hafe-t zy-n kp neet T vr in zy-n rate zittun."

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 09:43 AM
Originally posted by Flypsyde:
Fuckwaffle

Neukwafel.

"N-k w-ful"

My fave so far :D

Squee
04-10-2000, 09:49 AM
Alright CF:

"Please remove your penis from my mountain goat"

:)

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 09:54 AM
Originally posted by Squee:
"Please remove your penis from my mountain goat"

Wilt u alstublieft uw penis uit mijn berggeit halen?

"Wilt ls-t-blee-ft w pay-nis t my-n brg-gay-t hlun?"

WTF????
;)

NickyLarson
04-10-2000, 09:57 AM
Danke Schoen, Coldfire!

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You'd think that Superman would be a good person to invite to a barbecue but trust me, he's not. I mean, sure he can cook the hot dogs fast with his heat vision, but they all taste of charred eye boogers.

SqrlCub
04-10-2000, 09:57 AM
My favourite insult that I made up for girls is as follows:

Shut-up! You putrid producer of human caviar!

For boys:

Shut-up! You flatulant flinger of hillbilly ejaculate!

HUGS to you Coldfire!
Sqrl

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SqrlCub's Arizona Adventure (http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html)

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 10:05 AM
Originally posted by SqrlCub:
Shut-up! You putrid producer of human caviar!

Hou je bek! Jij gore producent van menselijke kaviaar!

"How j bk! Yy gore- pro-d-cent vn men-suh-luh-kuh k-vee-yr!"


You flatulant flinger of hillbilly ejaculate!

Jij ruftende boerenzaadverslingeraar!

"Yy rf-tun-du booh-rn-zd-vursling-uh-rr!"

OK, that last word is completely made up since there is no such thing as a Hillbilly in Holland. It literally would translate into "Farmers Semen Slinger" :D

SqrlCub
04-10-2000, 10:08 AM
Jij ruftende boerenzaadverslingeraar!

hehheheh... I would like to throw that last word into a search engine and see what I can come up with. I bet it would find some pretty unusual porn sites. :)

You Rock, Coldfire!

HUGS!
Sqrl

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SqrlCub's Arizona Adventure (http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html)

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 10:11 AM
No hits on Altavista... as I said, I made it up ;)

danielnsmith
04-10-2000, 10:50 AM
Coldfire, could you please translate the following:

Take a flying leap at a rolling donut!

and:

You're a few bricks short of a chimeny!

Thanks

Satan
04-10-2000, 11:36 AM
Lick my bag.

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Yer pal,
Satan

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 11:44 AM
Originally posted by danielnsmith:
Take a flying leap at a rolling donut!

Spring vliegend naar een rollende donut!

"Spring vlee-gunt nr un roll-unde donut!"

You're a few bricks short of a chimeny!

Voor een schoorsteen kom je een paar bakstenen te kort!

"Vore un schore-stain km ju un pr bkstain-un tu krt!"

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 11:46 AM
Originally posted by Satan:
Lick my bag.


Ah... the always Eloquent Dark One ;)

Lik mijn zak.

"lik mine zk."

Seraphim
04-10-2000, 12:22 PM
How about this one?

Get off my back, you tulip-picking windmill fucker!

Kamino Neko
04-10-2000, 12:48 PM
You're a slice short of a loaf, a joker short of a full deck, a coffin short of a funeral, and about 3 bits short of a byte.

(I really must use that one.)



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Eschew Obfuscation

Gazelle
04-10-2000, 03:08 PM
Oooh oooh! How does one say, "Suck my ass" in Dutch?

Big love to ya, Coldy!

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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

With love from the poster voted as having the "Most Confusing Username"

phouka
04-10-2000, 03:16 PM
Hmmm, here's one I used at work, recently:

"Fuck off you cum burping, corporate whore and let me pee in peace."

Acknowledgements, of course, to PLDennison.

tracer
04-10-2000, 03:56 PM
That sounds somewhat reminiscent of "sperm-burping gutter slut."

*sigh* I miss The Dysfunctional Family Circus.

WhiteNight
04-10-2000, 04:22 PM
A friend of mine desires to have "Fuck them, if they can't take a joke!" translated into six different languages. Being that English is one, we could assume we only need five more.

So, Coldfire, could you please tell me what

"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

translates into in Dutch?

Thanks.

And, anyone else able to translate it into something else is hereby requested to do so.

Surgoshan
04-10-2000, 04:44 PM
Hmm.


"What in the sweet name of holy fuck is wrong with you? Will you please stop making noises with your mouth? You seriously annoy me. In fact, I'm beginning to progress into a stage of annoyance the likes of which the world has never seen before. QUAIL BEFORE ITS AWESOME GLORY! THIS ANNOYANCE IS BEYOND ALL! BEHOLD, HE IS RISEN!"

Translation please.

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I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

Surgoshan
04-10-2000, 04:47 PM
Hmm, Fuck em if they can't take a joke. In french, it might be:

Les nict s'ils puevent pas prendre une plaisanterie.

"Lay kneect seal poov pa prawn dre oon play son ter ee"

The bolded word is iffy. might wanna check with someone more up to date on their french.

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I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

Vestal Blue
04-10-2000, 05:49 PM
Originally posted by Coldfire:
Neukwafel.

"N-k w-ful"

My fave so far :D

Could this be where the term nooky (for sex) came from?

Here's one for you, Coldy!

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!"



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VB

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

TripleAnt
04-10-2000, 06:00 PM
How about:

You are nothing more than a llama's anus?

Thanks

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"I have a lot of good ideas, problem is most of them suck." -George Carlin

BigRoryG
04-10-2000, 06:57 PM
The french might work better as:

"Foudrez-les s'ils ne peuvent pas prendre une plaisentrie"

"foodray lay seal neu ......"

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"My drinking team has a Rugby problem."
This sig line has been brought to you by the creative mind of Wally

If you need a graphic solution, http:\\talk.to\Piglet (http://http:\\talk.to\Piglet)

04-10-2000, 07:10 PM
How about "you are a monumental waste of carbon"?

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 07:50 PM
OK, the line stops here. I'll start translating now, but no more new entries.

Oh and Satan? Lik mijn zak :D

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by Tengu:
You're a slice short of a loaf

Voor een brood kom je een sneetje te kort.

a joker short of a full deck

Voor een hele stok kom je een joker te kort.

a coffin short of a funeral

Voor een begrafenis kom je een kist te kort.

and about 3 bits short of a byte

Voor een byte kom je ongeveer 3 bits te kort.


These don't really work in Dutch though. The "one **** short of a ****" is just too English to translate.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:05 PM
Originally posted by Satan:
You sir, are nothing but walking anal leakage.

U, Meneer, bent niets dan een lopende anale lekkage.

Very snappy, even in Dutch!

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:06 PM
Originally posted by android209:
How about 'You can stick your total football up your arse'?. Or maybe '4-1'.
:D

I think we both know I'm not going to translate that. Couch hooligan :D

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:09 PM
Originally posted by Rysdad:
Kiss me on the fat part of my ass!

Kus me op het vette deel van mijn reet!

Why don't run along and play hide and go fuck yourself?

Waarom flikker je niet gewoon op en ga je verstoppertje met jezelf spelen?

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:12 PM
Originally posted by Canthearya:
Suck my ass

Zuig mijn reet.

Althoug "Lik mijn reet" is more common.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:14 PM
Originally posted by phouka:
Fuck off you cum burping, corporate whore and let me pee in peace.

Flikker op, jij zaad opboerende bedrijfssloerie, en laat me op mijn gemak zeiken!

Lexicon
04-10-2000, 08:15 PM
Ooooh, yeah, do this one!


Fuck off, you fucking bucket of fuck!

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Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:16 PM
Originally posted by WhiteNight:
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!

Laat ze opflikkeren als ze niet tegen een geintje kunnen!

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:20 PM
Originally posted by Surgoshan:
What in the sweet name of holy fuck is wrong with you? Will you please stop making noises with your mouth? You seriously annoy me. In fact, I'm beginning to progress into a stage of annoyance the likes of which the world has never seen before. QUAIL BEFORE ITS AWESOME GLORY! THIS ANNOYANCE IS BEYOND ALL! BEHOLD, HE IS RISEN!

Wat is er in godskleresnaam met jou mis? Wil je asjeblieft ophouden met het maken van geluiden met je mond? Je bent vreselijk irritant. Feitelijk kom ik in stadia van irritatie die tot voor kort nog onbekend waren in deze wereld. BUIG VOOR DE VRESELIJKE GLORIE! DEZE IRRITATIE GAAT VERDER DAN ELKE ANDERE! KIJKT EN ZIET, HIJ IS VERREZEN!

Happy to olbige ;)

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:24 PM
Originally posted by Vestal Blue:
Could this be where the term nooky (for sex) came from?

Interesting. It wouldn't be the first word in the English/American language that has its origings in Dutch. Boss ("Baas") and coffee ("koffie") come to mind. Why not nooky ;)

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!

Je moeder was een hamster en je vader stonk naar kruisbessen!

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:25 PM
Originally posted by TripleAnt:
You are nothing more than a llama's anus

Je bent gewoon een lama-reet.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:27 PM
Originally posted by Jezebel:
you are a monumental waste of carbon

Je bent een verschrikkelijke koolstofverspilling.

Coldfire
04-10-2000, 08:31 PM
Originally posted by Lexicon:
Ooooh, yeah, do this one!


Fuck off, you fucking bucket of fuck!


Well alright... although you're clearly in violation of the deadline, you're also one cool poster. Here goes, the Grande Finale:

FLIKKER OP, JIJ FLIKKERENDE EMMER MET FLIKKER!

Thank you, and goodnight. One Grolsch and one cigar for mr. Coldfire, please :D

------------------
Defect borg:
"Refutile is sistance. Your ass will be simulated".
_______________________________________________________
WallyM7 on Coldfire:
"Yeah, he knows a little about everything because they have a good prison library."

Seraphim
04-10-2000, 11:23 PM
Hey, you forgot me!!

Justice, I demand justice!

Shirley Ujest
04-11-2000, 12:01 AM
Coldy, I cannot tell you how hard I laughed reading this. You, Sir, are a gentleman and a scholar and are a credit to international relations.

I know I missed the cut off, but my time is not my own.Hell, my ass is not my own and I wish the woman that owned it would come and get it because I would really like to be able to wear my old jeans again, dammit!

Where was I? Would you be so kind as to translate one of my favorite retorts.

The wheel is moving, but the hamster is dead.

Babar714
04-11-2000, 12:18 AM
"I don't think his spinal column actually touches his brain."

Satan
04-11-2000, 01:05 AM
Well, thanks Coldfire, but I wasn't asking for a translation.

I was just saying, "Lick my bag."

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Yer pal,
Satan

Satan
04-11-2000, 01:07 AM
You sir, are nothing but walking anal leakage.

This time, I'm looking for a translation... :D

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Yer pal,
Satan

Andy
04-11-2000, 01:09 AM
How about 'You can stick your total football up your arse'?. Or maybe '4-1'.
:D

TripleAnt
04-11-2000, 01:32 AM
Well thank you Coldfire.

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"Regarding Mount Rushmore: The Black Hills are sacred Indian ground. Imagine the creepy feeling of four leering European faces staring at your ancestors for eternity" -George Carlin

Rysdad
04-11-2000, 01:55 AM
Two translations please:

1) Kiss me on the fat part of my ass!

2) Why don't run along and play hide and go fuck yourself?

Thanks, Clogster.

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This is getting hard. Somebody relieve me. (A Wallian exclamation)

Surgoshan
04-11-2000, 03:06 AM
Woo HOO! Next time someone begins to annoy me, I'll have a massive string of Dutch to yell at them! YES.

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I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

Smart Ass
04-11-2000, 09:43 AM
God curse your unholy mother and the jackal that fucked her.