Letterman to be a daddy.

[KidCharlemagne]

He'll announce it tonight:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2003/09/12/national1308EDT0601.DTL

[lolagranola]

Cool!

Of course, I always hoped that Letterman would get together with *me*, but somehow, I'll survive.

[Troy McClure SF]

Wow. Good for him... that'll be worth watching. (Not that Dave's not anyway.)

[Walloon]

Stupid human tricks! ;)

[Bruce_Daddy]

I admit, it's mine.

[lavenderviolet]

Wow, that's neat, but also really surprising! I almost wonder if it's a joke. I was just thinking last night about how so many talk show hosts seem to be "childfree" (like Leno, Oprah, and - so I thought - Letterman).
I can understand how he might be a bit ambivalent about having a kid so late in life (especially after heart problems, no less), but I bet that his kid will turn out to be a really interesting person. :)

[JThunder]

Does this mean he's been having sex?

[Snooooopy]

I await the Top Ten list of baby names with great anticipation.

[Fiver]

How old is Regina Lasko? They've been together for many years now.

And, what has Dorothy had to say about this?

[asterion]

Will It Float?

[TeaElle]

Fiver, who is Dorothy? Are you referring the mentally ill woman who stalked David for many years, the one who committed suicide by kneeling on the tracks in the path of an oncoming train?

[Danalan]

Wait a minute, are you saying David Letterman is straight?

[KidCharlemagne]

Originally posted by TeaElle
Fiver, who is Dorothy? Are you referring the mentally ill woman who stalked David for many years, the one who committed suicide by kneeling on the tracks in the path of an oncoming train?

I didn't know she did that. Poor thing.

[Zoe]

So, does Dave know who the mother is?

[Giraffe]

More importantly, does the mother know Dave is the father?

[Murcielago]

Dorothy is the name of Dave's mother, don't know if she shares it with the stalker.

I'm glad for him and obviously the kid will be well provided for, but geez Dave will be 70 when the kid enters high school. I guess the up side is that he will be able to spend a lot of time with the child during his retirement.

[BobT]

I wonder if Tony Randall will be coming on the show to give Dave parenting advice.

[SnoopyFan]

I emailed Dave and told him he should marry his girlfriend and do it on air and let Richard Simmons officiate.

And Cher should be the baby's godmother.

[Soup]

From Snoooopy:
I await the Top Ten list of baby names with great anticipation.
#10: Regis

[jackelope]

#9: Buttafuoco

[TeaElle]

#8 Boutros-Boutros

[Exapno Mapcase]

Hmm, him and Conan, both with pregnant wives. I smell sweeps!

Do you think this will give him the excuse to quit that he's been searching for these past five years?

[Sam Stone]

Dave's been dropping hints about quitting for a while now. Apparently, serious enough that it made the news a couple of weeks ago that there was 'speculation' that Dave would retire fairly soon. (Fairly soon in the late-night biz probably means at the end of a contract, maybe two or three years or something).

Carson threatened to retire for about a decade before he actually did.

Anyway, if Dave's kid is a boy, any bets that he names him, "Warren"?

[Cat Whisperer]

#7. David Letterman, Jr, David Letterman, Jr. - the kid so nice, they named him twice.

[Troy McClure SF]

#6 & #7: Tie-

Either "Oprah" or "Uma"

[Fiver]

TeaElle, I was referring to Dave's famous mother, Dorothy Letterman, who still lives in Indiana and was the Late Show's correspondent at the Winter Olympics in, uh, some even-numbered year.

[Fiver]

Wait, her last name's not Letterman. She remarried after Dave's dad died, and her current last name is not public.

[green_bladder]

Congrats David!

#5
Gigli

[brianjedi]

#4 - Madonna

[Walloon]

Dave's mom's current married name is made public right inside her own book Home Cookin' With Dave's Mom: Dorothy Mengering.

[Sternvogel]

#3 -- Daljit

[Walloon]

#2 — Mujibur Sirajul Letterman

[JThunder]

#1 -- FARRAH!

[Madawc]

#2 -- Qusay or Uday in remembrance of his late fallen sons..............

[Sam Stone]

#1 - Larry "Bud" Letterman

[JThunder]

Wait a minute. How do we know Richard Simmons isn't really the father?

[moriah]

Top Ten reasons, I, David Letterman decided to have a baby:

#10 - I was waiting until I had good paying job.

[Marley23]

#9 - Had trouble finding a girl he could bring home to Paul Schaffer.

[JThunder]

#8. Finally figured out how it's done.

[Marley23]

#7 - Finally gave up on having one with Madonna.

[Madawc]

#6 - nothing else to do during the Blackout

[Bryan Ekers]

#5 - Waited as long as possible for Drew Barrymore to declare her love.

[jackelope]

#5: Oprah said Yes!

[Marley23]

#4: Needed the SDMB to create a Top Ten thread with two #5s. :D

[green_bladder]

#3: Alan Kalter said yes!

[Troy McClure SF]

#2: After all this time, finally got close enough to Grinder Girl.

[SpectBrain]

Originally posted by Troy McClure SF
#2: After all this time, finally got close enough to Grinder Girl.



-during the blackout

[TeaElle]

And the number 1 reason why I, David Letterman, have finally decided to have a kid:

Because I didn't want to leave my vast inheritance to that guy from "Ed"

[Bryan Ekers]

And from the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, the Top Ten criteria for selecting the mother of my child.

#10: Liquor. I had some, she had more.

[Cat Whisperer]

#9. Finally found a woman not totally repulsed by the huge gap in my teeth.

[moriah]

#8. She didn't mind me calling her 'Kenny.'

[Madawc]

#7. She said "screw you Duckface", Dave heard "Screw me Duckface".

[green_bladder]

#6. She floats.

[Dr. Rieux]

#8. She was the only woman in North America who laughed at the "Uma--Oprah" oke.

[moriah]

What? Paul, did I say 'eight?' Oh, well, what number are we up to? That was 'five?"

Number four: She 'flashes' me on my birthday.

[Cut to clip of Drew Barrymore dancing and Dave's desk and flashing him.]

[Dizzy Fingers]

#3: She'll sit through "Cabin Boy."

[Alphagene]

#2 She was hand-picked by that snarky blonde from Queer Eye.

[Shirley Ujest]

#1 - She's my cardiac nurse.

[moriah]

Dave: And now, the top ten reasons why I, David Letterman, will not be a good father.

Paul: Oh no, Dave. You'll be a great father, I just know it.

Dave: Why thank-you, Paul. But let's face it. Look at me. Do I look like father material? [Mugs at camera.]

Paul: I think you'll be fabulous! But this is the top ten reasons why you might not be a good father.

Dave: That's right, why, I, Dave Letterman, will not be a good father.....

[drum roll]

#10. I'll tell the State Trooper that it was the kid who was doing the drivin'.

[Cat Whisperer]

#9. Stupid baby tricks.

[handy]

I wonder why it took him so long to find out she was pregnant? 6 months is a long time.

[Shirley Ujest]

handy, they were probably keeping this information private, as both of them are intensely private.

[Tangent]

The #8 reason why I, David Letterman, will not be a good father:

I need a babysitter? Call the grinder girl!

[Sam Stone]

#7. It turns out that the baby was a poor choice for "Will it Float".

#6. It turns out that the baby was a poor choice for dropping off a sixth story roof.

[Shirley Ujest]

#5 We're down to one diaper left in the house....and I get it.

[moriah]

#4 Cher will tell my child, "Your father's an ass****."

[Kallessa]

#3 Madonna will tell my kid, "Your father is G** d**** f****** ass****."

[MaxTheVool]

#2 Let's face it... I'm DAVID LETTERMAN

[Sampiro]

Top 10 Reasons Letterman isn't married to His Baby Mama

10. She refuses to sign the pre-nup until he removes the "Top 10 Women I Can Do Without Your Permission" clause.

9. He's been staying single so that he can marry Richard Simmons in Toronto during Sweeps.

[moriah]

And the number one reason, why, I, David Letterman, will not make a good father...

I probably won't be allowed out of the nursing home to attend my kid's high school graduation.