My little boy who loves girls

[Palo Verde]

I have a 6 year old son. He's a great guy. He is a wonderful big brother to his 2 younger siblings. He does chores regularly. He loves to play with trucks, dinosaurs, and paper airplanes.

Here is my concern. He has always preferred to play with girls. His best friends are always girls. When he lists who he wants to invite to his birthday parties, it's 90% girls. He only wants to sit next to girls to eat lunch at school.

At this age, almost all kids I see have sexually segregated, boys mostly play with boys, and girls with girls. He is having a harder and harder time finding girls who want to play with him.

So my questions are:

Should I be concerned?

Does anyone know any boys who were like that? What happened when they got older?

Were are men on this board like this as children?

What does it mean?

[Homebrew]

He's gay.

Or at least that how I was a kid and I turned out gay.

[Palo Verde]

Homebrew

You may be right, and you certainly have more experience than I.

But in some ways it seems the opposite. He seems very attracted to girls. He often says how much he loves a girl's long hair, and the way she pushes it behind her ear. Or he loves to choose girly dresses for his baby sister to wear.

Why would a gay boy not want to be around other boys, if they are who he is attracted to?

[Kalhoun]

Homebrew's funny :)

My kid played with girls a lot (almost exclusively) and he's het. I wouldn't be concerned, unless he's plotting with the girls on how to beat the crap out of the boys.

It may be that the boys play too rough for him. Is he a more reserved kind of kid?

Or...he's gay!

[Homebrew]

He's dressing and playing with the girls since he can't have dolls, autz. They are who he identifies with. He's not hanging out with the boys because at 6 he's not developed sexual interests yet and they're just so different and bothersome.

Or maybe I'm guilty of transference.

In any case, I don't think it's anything to worry about. He just hangs out with other kids he likes. So what if he turns out to not be hypermasculine?

[aaslatten]

I preferred playing with girls when I was a kid (although not exclusively). I'm hetero and don't remember ever having a period where I didn't like girls. My extreme love of women got me into some trouble in later years...

[NurseCarmen]

A pal of mine agonized over coming out of the closet to his parents. His parent's response when he finally did? "Honey, we've probably known that longer than you." They are great people. Just remember autz, if you love them and support them no matter what the outcome, you've won. What do you win? A well adjusted adult who loves you very much. You have nothing to be concerned about.

[Kizarvexius]

I remember playing a lot with girls when I was a lad. I seemed to make friends with them a bit faster. I can't say that it was to the extent you're describing though.

And for what it's worth, I turned out hetero. Even at the tender age of four, I found it facinating that the opening credits of Sesame Street showed a little girl running around without her shirt on. Those were always the best two seconds of my day.

Actually, now that I think about it, the girls I hung out with were mostly tomboys. Hmmmm. Makes a lot of sense.

[misstee]

<Girl here>

When I was little I had a few friends who were girls, but I loved playing with the boys. I was a tomboy when I was little, I still am not a "grily girl".


I don't think it matters who your son plays with, as long as he is having fun, let it go.

[elfbabe]

My boyfriend's been absolutely fascinated with girls since he was very young. For him, it didn't mean he was gay or wanted to be a girl. It just meant he really, REALLY liked girls. He can't stand most men and I can't stand most women. We make a great couple. Kind of reclusive, but great.

[Aries28]

Female here. I never played with girls when I was younger. I always sat with boys at lunch. I always played with boys on the playground. I always sat by boys in class.

I'm 28 now. The majority of my close friends are male. I have a very hard time maintaining friendships with females.

If I am at any function and there is one female and one male present, odds are by the end of the day I will have struck up a conversation with the male.

I was not a tomboy at all and I'm not now.

I would let him hang with kids he's comfortable with. If he's fine with it, then what is the problem?

[lieu]

Thank heaven for little girls
Thank heaven for them all,
No matter where no matter who
For without them, what would little boys do?

[Khadaji]

No need to be concerned - because it would not change things anyway...

Having said that, I have to say that I always enjoyed playing with girls as a child too and I am heterosexual. I also enjoyed a lot of activities that my dad thought was girlie.

Don't give it any more thought, what will be will be.

[Palo Verde]

I'm not worried about him. He's one of the Best kids you can imagine. Very sweet and loving. Very smart and personable. Very active and outgoing.

But I'm curious.

Despite his love for girls, he doesn't get into doing typically girly things. He doesn't like dolls (he's always been allowed and offered to play with them). He doesn't play house or dress-up.

He likes trucks and airplanes. He loves to dig in the dirt and play chase. He can't decide whether he should be a crane operator or a boat captain when he grows up.

But he is very clear that he wants to be a daddy and have baby girls when he grows up.

I guess he's just a funny kid.

Time will tell.

[Sternvogel]

Originally posted by Kalhoun
It may be that the boys play too rough for him. Is he a more reserved kind of kid?

I literally resemble those remarks. Since I was always one of the smallest boys in my grade, I had no desire to risk injury "on the football field" or "in the boxing ring". I hung around with females when (according to my male classmates) the girls all had "cooties". However, once my relative peers became driven by their hormones, my shyness drove me to limit my socializing to a small group composed almost exclusively of like-minded males. However, I regularly got crushes on both actresses and female students, and looked at Playboy pictorials whenever possible, so I knew I was (and still am!) straight. As a matter of fact, I'm involved in a relationship with a woman who apppreciates the fact I'm "definitely a guy" even though I'm not macho by any stretch of the imagination.

[Palo Verde]

Oh, and that reminds me, he not at all reserved, and he's the tallest boy in the class.

[MissBHaven]

My oldest always had girls for his best buds until this past year or so. He is 11 now. He used to play GI Joe and Barbie with the girl next door. He and his best friend (a girl) from 4th & 5th grade slowing went there seperate ways... she hangs with the girls & he hangs with the guys. It's Ok, they still talk & play if they are the only two around. My youngest (5 1/2) is the exact opposite, he has a girl that he really likes but he doesn't want to play with her. He is inviting her to his B-day party but he is also inviting one other girl so she has somebody to play with.

[Ferret Herder]

Maybe he's precocious, autz. ;) He's past that whole "ew, girls" thing and is fascinated by the opposite sex?

As a little girl, I tended to gravitate towards boy friends, and I don't think I ever went through an "ew, boys, yucky!" phase. I was semi-tomboyish - not very good at sports but more into digging in dirt, playing with blocks and cars, not really into the latest clothes, that sort of thing. That's lasted to the present day - my husband happily described me (a year or so into our dating) as "womanly but not feminine" and meant it as a supreme compliment.

[Belrix]

Originally posted by misstee
I was a tomboy when I was little, I still am not a "grily girl".
My wife is the same way, I do most of the barbequing in the family as a result.

:)

[masonite]

I vote for mature/precocious heterosexual, if only because my own experience as a wee homo was wanting to hang out with all the boys, because they were all so cute!

Sounds like he's not afraid of being different, at any rate. Sounds like a great kid!

[Ruiniform]

It seems a little knee-jerk to 'diagnose' him as gay, doesn't it? I mean, no wonder people are so stressed out these days, with this kind of over-analysis.

[Laughing Lagomorph]

Originally posted by autz
...

Why would a gay boy not want to be around other boys, if they are who he is attracted to?

I'm not sure 6 year olds of any gender or orientation are "attracted to" anyone in the way adults usually mean it. I am straight but I don't remember being "attracted to" girls at the age of six, at least not the way I was when I was 14.

[Homebrew]

Originally posted by Ruiniform
It seems a little knee-jerk to 'diagnose' him as gay, doesn't it? I mean, no wonder people are so stressed out these days, with this kind of over-analysis. :rolleyes: It was in jest. Did the "transference" quip not give it away or was that too subtle?

[CanvasShoes]

When I was a little girl, I was boy crazy. I turned out to be a major slut.







KIDDING!!!! I do really like men though, I just always "knew" that I'd be married and have kids, and be "in love" someday. Plus, guys are just more fun to hang out with.

I hung out with mostly guy friends my whole life. I'd have maybe one "best girlfriend" but tons of little boyfriends. In High School, almost all of my best friends were boys. And it's not as if I were a tomboy either, I do love cars and stuff, but I'm a "dress up/frilly/girlie girl".

Once I got out into the workaday world, most of my jobs have been in male dominated fields.

I wouldn't worry, maybe he'll be like me, and just "know" what it is that he likes!!!

[CanvasShoes]

Originally posted by Aries28
Female here. I never played with girls when I was younger. I always sat with boys at lunch. I always played with boys on the playground. I always sat by boys in class.

I'm 28 now. The majority of my close friends are male. I have a very hard time maintaining friendships with females.

If I am at any function and there is one female and one male present, odds are by the end of the day I will have struck up a conversation with the male.

I was not a tomboy at all and I'm not now.

I would let him hang with kids he's comfortable with. If he's fine with it, then what is the problem?
Funny you should mention that. It took me until well into my 30s to start making "real" rather than casual friends with other women. I'd never really liked the majority of them when I was a child on up through high school (with one or two exceptions) and even in my 20s and early 30s I was still pretty wary around women.

I remember seeing a special once on a town in New Hampshire with a large population of lesbian women. One of the newscasters asked a woman "why do you prefer women"?

The woman answered "because they're more trustworthy". I Honestly almost choked on what I was drinking.

"TRUSTWORTHY"???? They obviously never met any of the catty backstabbing bitches I went to school with!!

[brainfizz]

My first thought was, "yeah, he's gay" but I guess you can't tell for sure until he starts chasing the boys when playing kiss chase.

[RobertP]

Originally posted by brainfizz
My first thought was, "yeah, he's gay" but I guess you can't tell for sure until he starts chasing the boys when playing kiss chase.

there's a *kiss* chase?

damn, there's another thing I was deprived of.....

[brainfizz]

OMG! You've never played kiss chase? Yes, you've been deprived of one of the great pleasures in life! :)

[Jennyrosity]

Originally posted by CanvasShoes
Funny you should mention that. It took me until well into my 30s to start making "real" rather than casual friends with other women. I'd never really liked the majority of them when I was a child on up through high school (with one or two exceptions) and even in my 20s and early 30s I was still pretty wary around women.

I remember seeing a special once on a town in New Hampshire with a large population of lesbian women. One of the newscasters asked a woman "why do you prefer women"?

The woman answered "because they're more trustworthy". I Honestly almost choked on what I was drinking.

"TRUSTWORTHY"???? They obviously never met any of the catty backstabbing bitches I went to school with!!

Oh God, I hear that!! I went to an all-girls high school and was miserable the entire time thanks to the two-facedness and bitchiness of my class mates. It's taken me years to get over that and develop a couple of close female friendships, but most of my friends are still guys and I still find harder to trust women.

In answer to the OP, well, I spent most of my childhood hanging out with boys doing "boy things", and I'm straight. But out of those boys, the only one who remained my friend after we all went through the whole "sex segregation" thing turned out to be gay. When he came out at 17 I wasn't in the least bit surprised. I remembered being about 10, sat on the grass making daisy chains with him, and realising even then that he was somehow "different".

[intheblink]

He's a romantic, and all male.
He'll fall in love with girls many times in school.
And he will marry young 18-20.

[Susanann]

What would you do if you had a daughter who always preferred to play with boys?. If her best friends are always boys? When she lists who she wants to invite to her birthday parties, it's 90% boys? What if she only wanted to sit next to boys to eat lunch at school?

[brainfizz]

I invited my 2 best mates and every girl in my year to my 8th birthday... lined up all the girls and played "who can kiss brainfizz the best". (I went through precocious puberty though... had to shave every day by age 9!)
So, inviting 90% girls to parties doesn't mean he's gay... except, I never played with any of the girls much other than to bully them, pull their hair, kiss them, etc. The only guys that actually did play with the girls both turned out gay...
Still, could be a phase.

[Sunspace]

What is this... "kiss chase"?

Obviously I grew up deprived as well. :)

[CakeOrDeath666]

Oh my God!!!
I'm sorry, I am in no way racist, but it always seems to me that in america if a kid start doing something remotely out of the normal, you think he's going to grow up and be gay, or need therapy, or medication.
I'm a teenage girl. I've always preferred have boys as friends, but i'm not gay! Seriously, don't worry about it, everyone's different, and maybe he just think that girls are more fun than boys.
Also, I did work experience in a nursery school once, and there wera a couple of boys who preferred to play with the little girls. they were perfectly normal kids, they just didn't want to play all the rough games that the boys play.
You have absolutely nothing to worry about!

[AHunter3]

So my questions are: ...Should I be concerned?

Depends on what you mean. If you mean "should I try to intervene and get him to play with boys more instead", hell no. If you mean "should I blithely assume that this will never cause him a moment's distress", hell no to that, too.

Does anyone know any boys who were like that?
::raises hand::

What happened when they got older?
read and find out. (http://home.earthlink.net/~ahunter/Same_Closet_Diff_Door/hpsissy.html)


Were are men on this board like this as children?
Didn't you just ask this? Sorry, I guess that would depend on who is reading, wouldn't it...anyway, as I said, that would be me, for one.

What does it mean?

He has good taste in friends? Seriously, read my article. It's the only thing I ever got printed :) and while it may not be applicable in every way it may shed some light for you.

[bughunter]

lieu, I'll see your Frederick Loewe and raise you a Danny Elfman:

I love little girls they make me feel so good
I love little girls they make me feel so bad
When they’re around they make me feel
Like I’m the only guy in town
I love little girls they make me feel so good

[shrew]

One of my current pupils is like this. He's 16 now, but his mother says that when he was little, he played exclusively with girls, scorned boys, and was obsessed with silk.

Now he hunts, fishes, works on cars, and absolutely LOVES the ladies. He's an average hetero Georgia boy. I can understand your curiosity, but I'm not sure I'd try to make any predictions based on his current behavior.

[FilmGeek]

Ahh, Danny. You wonderful pedophile. Gotta love him.

I hated girls growing up. They were so "high maintenence". Dolls were for running over with hot wheels.

I was a super tomboy. I begged my mother to let me cut my hair short from the age of four. (She relented at the age of eight and I've never grown it out again). As an infant, I would cry when my mother would put me in dresses. (This is before I could talk). I think I'm hardwired.

I got to college and tried to convince myself I was a lesbian/bisexual. However, I've only had (have) feelings for one girl. I think I wanted to BE her rather than BE WITH her. Confusing... but so is most sexuality in college.

Then, I met a wonderful man. I am very much in love. I still have short hair.

Don't worry too much about your son's behavior at age six. Let him be him. Worry about the consequences (if he gets teased, etc) if they happen. Just let him be him.

[Badtz Maru]

My whole life I have had more female friends than male. Although I know I've picked up a few feminine mannerisms, I'm pretty dang heterosexual (only males I find attractive are Owen Wilson and, more recently, Taye Diggs, and I don't want to have sex with them).

[Mudshark]

I've always had more female friends than male, and I'm straight. I don't think it is anything to worry about.

[AHunter3]

Some comments (sorry, Mudshark, if this looks like it is aimed specifically at you) seem to be interpreting "anything to worry about"/"should I worry" in terms of "will he be or is he gay".

I would suggest that the road for a boy who likes girls, likes being with girls, and who is more like girls than he is like other boys can be kind of rocky and desolate regardless of whether one's erotic appetite is or ends up receptive to girlfolks or to boyfolks. I wouldn't try to interfere with that and make him "more of a guy" (I think that's akin to forcing left handed people to write with their right hand, except a lot more personal and invasive), but I wouldn't assume there was "nothing to worry about" insofar as he may need some additional emotional support and some assistance in sorting out confusions and dealing with folks' hostilities and so forth.

(I would also suggest similar things about being gay -- a different question, really -- if it should happen to turn out that he is attracted to guys. Not intrinsically a problem but might mean he has to go through a lot of stuff that other kids don't)

[MrPlatypus]

I've always found that I relate better to girls (when I was younger and still today) and am not gay. I would much rather my kids have tea parties than blow up GI Joe's..

[Loneraven]

Originally posted by CakeOrDeath666
Oh my God!!!
I'm sorry, I am in no way racist, but it always seems to me that in america if a kid start doing something remotely out of the normal, you think he's going to grow up and be gay, or need therapy, or medication.

I think you mean "homophobic."

When I was younger, I liked playing with boys (I'm female, btw). I found them much less complicated than girls, as all they wanted to do was build treehouses and play with cars. They didn't want to play with dolls. I think it's possible autz's little boy is doing the same thing in reverse - he's playing with girls because he likes them, it's as simple as that, and there's nothing wrong with it either.

[Innanna]

Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph
I'm not sure 6 year olds of any gender or orientation are "attracted to" anyone in the way adults usually mean it. I am straight but I don't remember being "attracted to" girls at the age of six, at least not the way I was when I was 14.



I don't know about this. I wasn't sexually attracted to boys at the age of three, but I can remember the very clear thought, "I like boys. I really like boys" (which meant, of course that when I heard gay people say, "I knew since a very young age who I was attracted to" I completely understood where they were coming from). I preferred the company of boys because they actually did things--like pretending to blow up the evil alien's ship (which involved lots of running around and "shooting" each other)--as opposed to the girls who pretended to have tea (which involved sitting down and talking). I thought (and still sometimes do think) that girls were a little boring. And even now, I prefer to hang out with guys--and the attraction that I had when I was small is still there (supplemented by other things;)). Now, I will admit that some of this might have had to do with the fact that I had 3 older brothers that I idolized, but it sure as heck felt organic.

And if the OP's little one is anything like I am, he will, by dint of hanging out with all of those girls, have some real insight into women and be able to be more flexible with his thinking.

[kanicbird]

My take on it is he feels a closer association to girls then boys, feels more at home. Since these girls are of pre-pub age I don't think they is any fear of this being responsible for any later homosexual tendancies. If however this trend continues to the age when his girlfriends start looking at boys he may lock onto this trend, even subconsciensly and just associate that he should be looking at boys too.

All this is my opinion based on what I read on a recent study that links feeling male/female (regardless of gender) to actual gender. The study does not conclude my opinion nor does it even mention it.