Your opinion on tubal ligation

[Carm6773]

I am a 30 year old woman considering tubal ligation. I am considering this for many reasons. The first reason is medical - if I stay on my meds, then the baby will be messed up; if I come off my meds, then I may be messed up and hence mess up the baby. Secondly, I don't want kids. I don't want them for many reasons; I'm a middle school teacher (automatic birth control), and my husband has 4 sisters who all have 2 kids each. If I want contact with younger kids, I can play with them and then send them back to their parents.

I figure if my husband and I change our minds, there are plenty of kids out there that need good homes.

What is your opinion on this?

[scout1222]

I'm just about to turn 30, and have no desire for children, either.

I'm not so sure at this point I'm going to bother looking into tubal ligation. One of the reasons being I'd probably be hard pressed to find a doctor that would do it. I'd probably get the "you'll change your mind" speech.

[tanookie]

I just had a tubal 6 weeks ago. Similarly to the OP I take medications that are not pregnancy safe. I did come off my meds twice though for two beautiful kids. Of course pregnancy was hard and my body simply can't handle it a third time so we went for the tubal.

My doctor was really good about handling it. He presented the failure rate (exceedingly small - don't remember the exact number) and simply wanted to know I was sure this was what I really wanted since reversing one is pretty much impossible. I was told that most failures result in ectopic pregnancy so I am aware of that risk too.

I had them do mine before they sewed me up from the C section so I don't know how recovery from a tubal alone would be. Obviously it would be easier than the 4 days in hospital and few weeks of no lifting or driving that I had.

If you want an alternative there is a procedure called Essure that is less invasive and inserts coils into the tubes that then form scar tissue and block the tubes. There have been some threads about that fairly recently. I considered this but since they had to have me opened up anyway the tubal was easier. Tubal is also effective immediately but Essure takes a few months? IIRC

You'll probably get the 'you'll change your mind speech' but if you are persistent and state your reasons clearly you should be able to find someone who will take you seriously. I think the doctors are afraid of lawsuits later down the line to the effect of 'I can't have kids now because he didn't explain just how permanent 'permanent' really is!' Leave it to a few to muck things up for the rest of the population. There have been some threads on that issue too. Good luck :)

[Syntropy]

Good for you. I'm impressed that you made such a huge decision without letting anyone else sway you one way or the other. At least one doctor is going to ask you "what if something happens to your child/husband, what then? You'll want a(nother) child!"

I had a tubal when I was 27. To this day I'm ecstatic that I had the procedure done. My response to the (female) doctor who asked the above question was: "They aren't appliances. I can't replace them by getting another one." It's what finally convinced her after 1/2 hour of arguing that this was not a whim....I really meant to have the procedure done.

I did end up encountering difficulties. Fibroids and menorrhagia. I'm not sure if the tubal had anything to do with it, but two other women I've spoken with about it have had the same problem. I got a hysterectomy just before I turned 30. Which is what I wanted instead of the tubal in the first place. They left my ovaries. My mood swings calmed dramatically (my poor husband-he deserves a medal). I gained weight, but I'm taking it off. The biggest hassle was the insurance company. Of course. They made me get 5 different opinions. My original OB/Gyn finally told them that if they didn't allow the procedure, he was going to have to continually give me injections every 3 weeks to control the menorrhagia. The injection cost was $500 at that time, no mark down. They finally caved.

[Nvme77]

I had mine after 3 kids- last two are twins. We are happy with the size of our family- and even if "something" happened, I could never replace them just by giving birth.


Congratulations on your decision and safe recovery from your procedure!!

[CanvasShoes]

I wanted to have it done in my early 20s, but some chauvinist Doctor with a "don't worry your pretty little head about it" attitude told me that "oh, we don't perform those for women as young as you.

Unfortunately, I was sufficiently both in awe of doctors, and naive to believe him.

I had it done when I was 31, just a few months after the birth of my son, who was an "ooops" baby.

I've never had any bad side effects, and after a good nap upon arriving home from the hospital, I was fine, not even much more than a slight soreness, similar to doing a strenuous set of crunches or something.

I'm very glad I did it.

On a side note, I haven't once had any second thoughts about "maybe I'll want other kids". I think that for a lot of us, we pretty much just "know".

[Lynn Bodoni]

If you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that you will NEVER want to give birth, have it done. I managed to get pregnant three times in two years (once on the Pill, once using foam and condoms together, and once with an IUD in place)(two miscarriages and one live birth, if you must know) and I had wanted a tubal BEFORE I'd ever been pregnant. After the tubal, I was much happier. Even tubal ligations are not 100% effective, but they're very, very close to it. You'll save a lot of money and a lot of worry if you have it done.

[Essured]

Honestly, your opinion is the only one that counts, but here's my two cents worth:

Think about it long and hard. Then sit on the decision for a little while. Then revisit it and think about it long and hard again.

If it's something you truly want to do, knowing it's permanent, then go ahead and get it. Do not be put off by patronising doctors. If you keep searching, are articulate, mature and well-prepared you'll be joining the ranks of the spayed in no time :)

I recently had the Essure procedure, which is a little different from a traditional ligation, but the results are similar in that the tubes are no longer open for business. I was 24 and the first doctor I saw agreed to do it. I've heard it's a little harder to convince doctors in the US at a young age, but I've heard from many who've done it with perserverance and the right attitude.

If you decide to go ahead with it, I have a handful of stats I've found online regarding post-sterilisation regret, and I also asked my doctor afterwards what I did that convinced him to sterilise a 24 year old childfree woman, and he gave me some interesting feedback.

[Ripley2004]

Why not vasectomy for the man? Much more simple--less recovery, more easily reversed.

[tanookie]

Vasectomies aren't easily reversed ... no method of surgical sterilization done correctly is. We looked into that too since we decided no more children and made the decision that if I had the baby vaginally hubby would get a vasectomy but if he was a section I'd get the tubal.

[CrazyCatLady]

Why not a vasectomy? Well, different women have different reasons. Sometimes, like in Tanookie's case, they're already digging around in there anyway, so it makes more sense to add five minutes to her surgery than to make them each go under the knife. Other women have husbands who are unwilling to have someone cutting in their nad regions. Other women are afraid of the risk of pregnancy if they're raped. Other women know they don't want any kids, even though they're not in a stable, long-term relationship yet, and don't see the point of waiting around to get it done. For still others, it's an issue of wanting to be in control of your own birth control.

That being said, if ease of reversal (or even the possibility of reversal) is a factor in your decision between vasectomy and tubal, you shouldn't be considering either procedure. Just my couple pennies, though.

Goo, you're not spayed, you're just occluded. Spayed means they've yanked all that useless crap out of there.

[DeadlyAccurate]

I had my Essure procedure done around the same time Goo did, a few months ago. I'm 29, almost 30, and no one ever tried to talk me out of it, since I don't have children either.

The left occlusion didn't take, and I may be looking at a tubal on that side. The doctor was going to talk with the Essure people, since it's been 5 1/2 months since my surgery, but he's on vacation right now, and won't be back until next week. I can't have another Essure done, because the damn micro-insert is just in there far enough that pulling it out could cause hemorrhaging (sp?), but isn't in far enough to do anything.

Despite my problems, I definitely recommend looking into the Essure procedure before considering a tubal. It's less invasive.

[jsgoddess]

My doctor is willing to do a tubal on me, 32 years old, married, with no children, but I'm unwilling to go off Depo. It'd be nice to have something permanent, but I have no intention of doing the whole menstruation crap again that was ruining my life.

Otherwise, I'd be there in a heartbeat!

Julie

[dejahma]

I had a tubal at the age of 27 right after the birth of my second child. That was 22 years ago and I have never regretted it. Got a little bit of grief from the doctor about how I was too young, and the what if something happens to your other two kids questions (what are they thinking?????). But he agreed with little argumentt.
Not worrying about birth control was probably the best side effect, it's amazing how that improves your sex life.
My husband volunteered to get a vasectomy. My reasoning for getting the tubal, which was kind of a pain because I did natural child birth and then had to be put under the next day for the surgery went as follows: If he got run over by a truck and I remarried I knew I would not want to get pregnant again. However, if I got run over by a truck he would probably remarry (he's a real catch) and he and his new wife (who would probably be younger) might want kids.

[vanilla]

I wanted one when I was 13!

I am planning on getting one soon.
Though being 45 (almost) with one child, my doctor is a okay with it.

[Cyn]

Originally posted by Ripley2004
Why not vasectomy for the man? Much more simple--less recovery, more easily reversed.

My OB/GYN said no more babies for me and my husband would have to have a vasectomy. At my next monthly visit, he said he'd been thinking and my husband wasn't the one who shouldn't get pregnant, it wasn't his body that shouldn't go through another pregnancy, it was mine, and that life was long and the unforseen happens.
I was divorced 5 years later and remarried 7 years after that and so glad I had the tubal when I did that I celebrate its anniversary with what has become known as the tubal dance. Last time I was luckily circulating in a tubal surgery and got to do the tubal dance with tubes. The patient was delighted and the OB/GYNs still talk about it.

[jsc1953]

I don't know why I'm sharing this with strangers...but FWIW:

My wife had had a tubal before we met, married and discussed the possibility of a family. She had her tubal reversed, and we now have two beautiful children--after the second of which, I had a vasectomy. And then a few years after that, she had a hysterectomy (fibroids).

So between the two of us, we've been sterilized 3 times. That ought to do it.

[singular1]

Had mine done at 23. Miraculously I was able to find a doctor that believed that I knew my own mind well enough to make this decision, in spite of never having married and never having kids. If I coulda had a hysterectomy, I would've done that instead. No babies, no thank you. Best opereation ever.

[MissGypsy]

I say, you're 30 years old, you know your own mind. Go for it. It'll pay for itself in a few years with what you sace on birth control.

However, my mom tried to have it done when she was 26 with four (yes, 4) children, with the eldest in kindergarten. The doc told her that unless her age multiplied by the number of kids equalled 120, no go. :eek: Ditto with two of my sisters and my best friend. Had that been me, I'd have found another doctor. Backwards Indiana doc... :rolleyes:

That Essure thing sounds scary, though. Sounds awfully similar to an IUD, to me. Doesn't it involve a higher risk of complications than a traditional tubal?

[sperfur]

My story is the same as singular1's, except I was 22. I've never regretted it.

I also loved the look on my Uncle's face when he said to me condescendingly (he's a really great guy, BTW, just this one issue sticks in my craw...) 'You don't want kids? Oh, you'll change your mind someday.'

'I don't think so, Uncle John. I'm fixed.'

'Uh. Uhhh. Oh.'

[Batsinma Belfry]

I've been thinking about getting one. I can't take any kind of BC pill because of another medication I'm on. I've been using over the counter stuff (gel), but it's exspensive and irritating. We usually just do without, which isn't a good idea at my age (40).

[Carm6773]

Thanks for all the feedback!
I am absolutely sure I never want to give birth - watching the Miracle of Life video killed that desire in me permanently.
As for my husband getting snipped; he's a wuss, 'nuff said there.
I have another reason for wanting to go for the surgery myself. When I was young, I had appendicitis for 2 years :eek: (yes, 2- the doctors' thought I was acting). I have scar tissue on the right side, and it makes ovulation very painful. I'm thinking with the tubal they can go in and get rid of the some of the scar tissue.
Or would that possibly make the procedure more difficult?

HQ , what type of meds are you on? My meds (the ones that make pregnancy virtually impossible) won't allow me to take BC pills either

[Ripley2004]

Not trying to be contradictory here, but I'm puzzled as to why a woman in a long-term relationship, would put herself at risk with this surgical procedure, unless other surgery were going on in the same area of the body, at the same time. Possible side effects include infection and bleeding... death may occur as a complication of general anesthesia if a major blood vessel is cut. The death rate following tubal ligation is about four per 100,000 sterilizations http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/tubal_ligation.html, whereas risks with vasectomy are few. No death has ever been attributed to (vasectomy) http://www.emedicinehealth.com/articles/25921-2.asp.

Many times in my life I've heard women explain that they are having major surgery done to spare their male partner from a vasectomy (band-aid surgery). This just doesn't seem right to me.

[CrazyCatLady]

Well, not to sound snippy Ripley, but since they're not your fallopian tubes, what seems right or wrong to you doesn't really factor in.

It doesn't seem right to me to expect my husband to undergo surgery when I'm the one who's hard-core about the no-kids thing. Of course, it also doesn't seem particularly right that I'm the one who assumes all the risk with other forms of birth control. With the combined-hormone stuff, I'm the one who has an increased risk of stroke. With Depo, I'm the one who risks being on an emotional rollercoaster ride from hell with no way to get off. With an IUD, I'm the one who risks bleeding to death from a perforated uterus. If whatever form we use fails, I'm the one who either takes the risks of pregnancy and childbirth, or the risks of having an abortion.

Frankly, women are used to having most of the responsibility and all the risk of contraception placed squarely on our shoulders. Is it fun? Hell, no. Is it right? Maybe not. Is it just the way life is? I'm afraid so. Railing about how it's just not right won't change that. Is there a risk associated with having one's tubes tied? Of course there is. It's about the same risk as any other type of laparascopic abdominal surgery.

[Ripley2004]

Originally posted by CrazyCatLady

Frankly, women are used to having most of the responsibility and all the risk of contraception placed squarely on our shoulders. Is it fun? Hell, no. Is it right? Maybe not. Is it just the way life is? I'm afraid so. Railing about how it's just not right won't change that.

I respect any woman's right to choose what she does with her body.
However, women have been 'railing', as you put it, for many years. That's how we got the right to vote, choices in birth control, etc.
I don't believe in shutting up and settling for the status quo because I do believe speaking up can change things.

[Essured]

Originally posted by Ripley2004
Not trying to be contradictory here, but I'm puzzled as to why a woman in a long-term relationship, would put herself at risk with this surgical procedure, unless other surgery were going on in the same area of the body, at the same time. Possible side effects include infection and bleeding... death may occur as a complication of general anesthesia if a major blood vessel is cut. The death rate following tubal ligation is about four per 100,000 sterilizations http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/tubal_ligation.html, whereas risks with vasectomy are few. No death has ever been attributed to (vasectomy) http://www.emedicinehealth.com/articles/25921-2.asp.


As mentioned before, I had the Essure procedure done. There have been no deaths with this procedure either. Very few complications. Usually there is no general anaesthesia with all its associated risks. Statistically, it was much safer than a vasectomy.

That said, if a traditional ligation was my only option, I would've had that done instead. Why ? Because I wanted to be sterile. What if my husband died, or we divorced ? Then I'd have to go through the whole birth control drama again. What about my nightmares about falling pregnant ? What about the annoying fear that niggled at the back of my head EVERY DAMN TIME I made love to my husband, wondering if this'd be the time when my life ended. I feel so much more at peace, relaxed and free without the worry of pregnancy. That's what I wanted, and that's why I chose to get sterilised.

It may be a case of "well we've had all the kids we want to have, one of us should look at a permanent solution. The statistically best choice is vasectomy, so that's what we'll do" with some people. With me, it was a burning desire to safeguard myself from ever falling pregnant.

Don't presume to know the details behind anyone's choice, and which choice would've been better. I would've gotten sterilised even if my husband got a vasectomy. I did it for myself.

Dammit, I love the word 'spayed'! I'm going to refer to myself that way anyway !:D

[Ripley2004]

Originally posted by Goo

Don't presume to know the details behind anyone's choice, and which choice would've been better. I would've gotten sterilised even if my husband got a vasectomy. I did it for myself.


I'm not presuming to understand why a younger woman uses terminology about her life ending if she became pregnant, if that's what you mean.
Everything I've said is about women in general and it is in answer to what 'my opinion on tubal ligation' is. Or do I only get to have an opinion if I agree with everyone?

[tanookie]

They've come out with some amazing contraception devices lately... the shot, patch, ring, a rainbow of pills... none of these work for me because the hormones in them mess me up (I've posted some of the side effects in other threads) Also I have high bloodpressure so the stroke risk is a lot higher for me.

I've had 2 C Sections. There isn't a sane person on the planet who would risk using an IUD after that.

I'm 30 with two little kids. Condoms for the next 20+ years does not sound like fun to me.

If I wasn't having surgery anyway my husband would have gotten a vasectomy. We had discussed this before I even got pregnant with the second munchkin.

I am at a point where a third pregnancy would kill me. Literally. The doctors said I was insane to have two children. My nephrologist said "People with your condition do not have children - at all!" So I guess I am one for the record books. And I like to think of myself as a younger woman still :) So for some people their life could end with a pregnancy. I know it would rip my heart apart to have to abort a child to save my life so we took the most permanent method we could to ensure that won't happen. (They asked me about aborting my son and I refused... I had seen him on the ultrasound screen and there was no way I could make that choice then but after the hell that was my pregnancy with him I am fully aware that I can't take that risk again)

The woman is the one who has to bear the pregnancy or make the decision to end the pregnancy. There is no amount of railing that will change that fact... we can't legislate that men carry half/all/any of the children concieved in the relationship... Because of that many women are very passionate about making sure they have the control over wether or not they become pregnant - especially when pregnancy is dangerous or when they are vehement about remaining childless. I think this is why a woman would prefer the riskier procedure of a tubal to a vasectomy.

One other thing about tubals V vasectomies... Tubal is effective immediately... vasectomies need to be tested a bit of time later to be sure the pipes are clean. Maybe this makes people leery too?

[Essured]

Originally posted by Ripley2004
I'm not presuming to understand why a younger woman uses terminology about her life ending if she became pregnant, if that's what you mean.
Everything I've said is about women in general and it is in answer to what 'my opinion on tubal ligation' is. Or do I only get to have an opinion if I agree with everyone?

You can have and speak any opinion you like, not that you need my permission.

But when you say things like:
"I'm puzzled as to why a woman in a long-term relationship, would put herself at risk with this surgical procedure"
you are going to have people responding, to explain why they made the choice they did, since you stated you were puzzled.

[Carm6773]

Another reason for my opting to have the surgery instead of my husband is the fact that I have the medical problem. Since the reason we are not having kids is mostly due to my end, it's only right that I have the procedure done.

[sperfur]

Originally posted by Ripley2004
I'm not presuming to understand why a younger woman uses terminology about her life ending if she became pregnant, if that's what you mean.
Everything I've said is about women in general and it is in answer to what 'my opinion on tubal ligation' is. Or do I only get to have an opinion if I agree with everyone?
I'm in 100% agreement with Goo. I did it for me - for my own peace of mind.

My life wouldn't end if I became pregnant. It would be an awful thing to go through, however, and I don't think abortion is a good first choice for birth control. It is a last resort.

I had another option, since I knew I didn't ever want kids. I got fixed.

You said:
I'm puzzled as to why a woman in a long-term relationship, would put herself at risk with this surgical procedure, unless other surgery were going on in the same area of the body, at the same time.
Being 'puzzled as to why...' is not an opinion. Several people have explained their reasons and now you know why.

You are entitled to agree or disagree. That is an opinion.

You also said:
However, women have been 'railing', as you put it, for many years. That's how we got the right to vote, choices in birth control, etc.
I don't believe in shutting up and settling for the status quo because I do believe speaking up can change things.
Railing will never change the fact that men don't get pregnant. I didn't have a tubal to spare my SO the pain of a vasectomy. I had a tubal to spare myself any concerns about becoming pregnant.

Only I can ensure that I will never become pregnant. Long term relationships end, new loves are discovered. I am happy and comfortable with my decision. That is all that matters to me.

[Lillith Fair]

I had a tubal 3.5 years ago. My husband absolutely refused to even discuss a vasectomy. It was funny really. He was irrational about it.

Anyway, something they don't tell you is that menstrual bleeding might get heaver after a tubal. I'm not sure if this is a scientific fact or anecdotal information. I have recently had another procedure done called endometrial ablation to stop the very heavy bleeding.

After the tubal the worst part was taking off the bandaids, which were some kind of hospital issue that cause my skin to turn bright red. Other than that, it was really a breeze.

The other procedure has surprisingly caused no pain whatsoever, but I had a lot of trouble getting over the anesthetic.

It was just over a week ago and I still feel a little queazy (queezy?).

[misstee]

I had a tubal ligation when I was 22.

[AHunter3]

Your reasons sound good to me, I'd say go for it. I had my vasectomy at 23 for similar reasons.

[Ripley2004]

Originally posted by sperfur
You said:
Being 'puzzled as to why...' is not an opinion. Several people have explained their reasons and now you know why.
You are entitled to agree or disagree. That is an opinion.


You are right. I was trying to tippietoe around my real feelings about some women, not necessarily anyone on this board, that have gone through major surgery to spare ther husbands going through a vasectomy. They feel pity for their men and put themselves through what used to be a much more major procedure, than it is now.

Sometimes, I feel very discouraged that women seem to be making many more personal sacrifices than men, because we are physically able to bear children. What I failed to keep in mind is the great diversity of situations that can lead to a woman choosing sterilization. I appreciate those of you kind enough to share your personal experiences, providing me with a more informed vantage point.

I'm sorry if I came across as insulting or insensitve. That was not my intention.