Please, for the love of all that's holy, get the damn Marmite out of my skull!

[Wabbit]

Ok, I've always had a lot of respect for the British because of all that Churchill-ian 'stiff upper lip' stuff during the Big-ass War Pt. 2, Monty Python, keeping those damn Irish in line, etc. etc. This view has radically changed in the week, however, because I've recently come to the realization that your benighted isle is actually home to a civilization of baby-eating, knuckle-dragging, slope-headed troglodytes who are hell bent on bringing about the extermination of all that is right and holy on this blue planet by a variety of unsavory and ill-conceived practices. What inspired this profound insight? One word: Marmite.

Allow me to fill you in on how my life has been unalterably changed by this vile substance. One of my co-workers is British and, I must admit, I had a great deal of respect for her (she looked like my freakin' grandma for chrissakes, how could I NOT respect her?). So, when she brought in a dark brown jar of something called 'Marmite' and innocently asked if I'd like a taste I answered in the affirmative without hesitation. I mean, this is my British pseudo-grandma right? Surely SHE wouldn't do anything to harm my immortal soul!

Suffice to say that I was horribly, horribly wrong. I don't usually bother to smell my food (which in this case was a near fatal mistake) so I innocently accepted a cracker that was slathered in what looked to be a dark brownish black jelly-like substance. "No problem," I thought to myself, "apple butter looks kind of like that and I know my English grandmum wouldn't feed me anything nasty. It probably tastes really good!" I can only marvel at how innocent and naive the pre-Marmite Wabbit was. Oh, how I now long for those days....

As the cracker was enroute to my mouth, I got a faint whiff of something nasty, something rotting, something corrupt, which seemed to be emanating from it. I can't really explain how foul, how EVIL this smell was, but I must try: it was the smell of rotting yeast, but not normal rotting yeast. This was yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more until it was finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers. After moldering in a pile of radioactive yeast feces for a few millennia, this decomposing yeast extract was found by a shambling simian-wannabe called an 'Englishman' who scraped it out of whatever dark recesses of Mother Earth he found it in, stuck it in a jar and began selling it to his less intelligent peers.

But I digress. This...substance...was enroute to my mouth and by golly once the Wabbit food subroutine gets started there's nothing baring a close proximity nuclear blast that derails it. Down the hatch it went, followed almost immediately by a powerful gag reflex. I can't explain what it tasted like--it's too impossible. The closest I can come is 'salty, yeasty evil'. And now this foul essence is in me: it's coating my interior organs like some scummy, slimy oil and I swear to sweet Christ almighty it's reproducing itself in my brain. I can't get that foul taste out of my mouth no matter how much good, clean, wholesome Merican food I consume. I think I'm being assimilated into some horrid collective consciousness, and I kind of resent that (especially because it's British).

So, although I fear I may soon become smitten with Queen Elizabeth (or Big E as I've taken to calling her majesty), I wanted to let everyone know that it's not me talking, it's the Marmite.

And for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone would think the scum at the bottom of a barrel would be worth eating. Those crazy English.... ;)

[Miller]

I always thought it was an Australian invention.

[Wikkit]

Originally posted by Wabbit
This was yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more until it was finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers.That is the greatest description ever. I knew the stuff was nasty just from being a fan of brit humo(u)r, but that's just a perfect description.

Is wabbit married?

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Marmite is quite british, and quite yummy. It's vegemite that's Australian.

Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. Vegemite is yeast extract from yeast grown on vegetable broth.

I love 'em both!!

[fushj00mang]

finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers.
So, there is a mob of yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more?

[C K Dexter Haven]

I haven't had marmite, just vegemite. And that god-awful taste didn't leave my mouth for weeks. It's been almost ten years, and when I hear the word "vegemite", my mouth and tongue still shudder.

[Duke]

Nooooo! Not Marmite!

In England Marmite was actually advertised for a while with the slogan "I Hate Marmite." I guess the idea was that people who (I can't believe I'm typing this) enjoy Marmite positively revel in the fact that the sane majority despises it.

[Wikkit]

mmmm... liquid masochism...

[Palewriter]

Nonsense. Marmite is an ESSENTIAL part of the great English breakfast delicacy, beans on toast. Beans on toast without Marmite is quite unthinkable. Personally, I can't eat scrambled eggs without Marmite on toast on the side. What is this heathen crap?

Of course, Marmite on a cracker? Lord no. Plus, you probably spread it too thick, being the greedy American that you are.

Marmite would be the soul food of England, if the English had souls. :)

- PW

[kambuckta]

You won't get any argument out of me about the evil muck that is Marmite (and Promite).

But don't you go dissin' Vegemite Dex. We don't let you through Customs here unless you proclaim a deep and meaningful love for Vegemite.

And that's the way it should be too........Vegemite-haters are not welcome on our shores.

:D

[Netbrian]

ZOT!!!

Oh, sorry. I thought you said marmo.

Carry on.

[Miller]

Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan
Marmite is quite british, and quite yummy. It's vegemite that's Australian.

Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. Vegemite is yeast extract from yeast grown on vegetable broth.

I love 'em both!!

So, basically, I could get my own home-made Marmite by licking the dishes I left in the sink last week.

Yum.

[Mr. Babbington]

Props to the OP. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. Thanks.

[jjimm]

Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth.I think you're thinking of Bovril. Marmite is 100% vegetarian.

In fact, it's a byproduct of beer manufacture - for years in London the Marmite factory was next to the Guinness one with a pipe running between the two. So blame the Irish.

Anyway, anyone who doesn't like it is a saddo who smells of wee.

FACT.

[Futile Gesture]

Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan
[BMarmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. [/B]

Wrong.

Marmite is produced from yeast that produced during brewing. It's approved by the Vegetarian Society, so you can be assured that it has nothing to do with beef broth.

[Ayesha]

I am so very thankful for my snack of toast spread with raspberry flavored cream cheese and coffee this morning.

That marmite stuff sounds like some my grandfather would have liked, but then again he ate brains scrambled into eggs. The man was sick !

[Futile Gesture]

I forgot to add...

Those who can't eat marmite have inferior constitutions and are probably morally defective. Natural selection, given a chance, will eventually weed them out.

And vegemite is is just marmite-lite for babies and other weaklings who can't handle the real stuff.

So there.

[One And Only Wanderers]

Add 1 to the english 'I Hate Marmite' crowd. Ill eat black pudding, steak & kidney pies are fantastic, I even like liver, but I have to draw the line at Marmite.

BTW you're all wrong, marmite is extracted from yeast cultivated in Satan's Jockstrap

[Aankh]

You people made me so curious, I asked my SO (who's returning from Australia in a few days) to bring back some vegemite for me.

Will I regret it? Hmm....

[blackhobyah]

I don't know if you'll regret it or not, Vegemite is a bit of an acquired taste, and I tend to think you need to acquire it early.

However, if you're going to try it, do it properly. Make a couple of slices of thick toast, spread them generously with butter and apply a THIN scraping of vegemite on top.

Vegemite has a pretty strong flavour, you don't want it thick, just a nice thin layer. If you prefer your food bland or sweet you mightn't like Vegemite, but if you like things like anchovies, olives or capers there's a good chance you'll enjoy it.

[Aankh]

Well, I can't stand anchovies, I love olives, and I have no idea what capers are.

How's that for balance?

[curly chick]

Originally posted by blackhobyah
but if you like things like anchovies, olives or capers there's a good chance you'll enjoy it.

You never said a truer word.
I could live on olives, anchovies, capers and Marmite. The only other food group I might need in there for a fully balanced and nutritious lifestyle would be gin, but that's not to pick holes in your comment, blackhobya, merely to supplement it!

I understand and accept that such a diet might make me unwelcome company for some of you. But as all Marmitophobics are unnatural, unseeing, humourless nitwits* and all the interesting people will, by definition, be in my group, I really don't give a hoot.

*Wabbit - I do not include you in this summation, as I loved the OP, but you do realise, of course, that your natural place is with us? You are already showing definite signs of being seduced by Marmite.

Your soul will soon be ours

[Bibliovore]

God, I'm really hungry now. Marmite on hot, buttery toast with a big hot mug of sweet tea. Mmmmmmm....nummy nummy num!

[Kiger]

Have you had flavor flashbacks yet? I swear I could taste it's vile putridness for days after tasting a tiny bit of it. I tried scraping all the taste buds off my tongue, but it didn't work.

[jjimm]

Originally posted by Bibliovore
God, I'm really hungry now. Marmite on hot, buttery toast with a big hot mug of sweet tea. Mmmmmmm....nummy nummy num! Oooooooooooooh.

[Doomtrain]

Moral of the story: Never trust the British. They're still pissy about losing to a rabble like us.

[stick monkey]

I have had both Marmite and Vegemite in my sad travels. It's been years, but I can still ocassionally taste the vile putridnes and still shudder at the mention of the words. And I LIKE anchovies, capers, olives, and gin (and hot tea and guiness too). I tell you, there is a reason you guys lost your empire, and that reason is Marmite.

I really enjoyed Australia when I visited, and hope to convince my wife to settle there one day, but I will unfortunately have to bring food with me, since you and your british kin seem to have lost all since of taste with your food (a sausage is supposed to have spice and gristle and different textured meat in it, not just a ground up pork chop, steaks should be served medium, medium rare, medium well, or rare, not as shoe leather, biscuits are kind of like rolls not crackers, and for the love of god serve a beer with a flavor other than bitter horse piss (a good irish lager will be most appreciated)).

Props to the OP. The best description I have ever heard for vegemite, was from someone here (I don't remember who) who said, "vegemite is the devil's diarrhea". I think the same could aptly apply to marmite.

[stick monkey]

I have had both Marmite and Vegemite in my sad travels. It's been years, but I can still ocassionally taste the vile putridnes and still shudder at the mention of the words. And I LIKE anchovies, capers, olives, and gin (and hot tea and guiness too). I tell you, there is a reason you guys lost your empire, and that reason is Marmite.

I really enjoyed Australia when I visited, and hope to convince my wife to settle there one day, but I will unfortunately have to bring food with me, since you and your british kin seem to have lost all since of taste with your food (a sausage is supposed to have spice and gristle and different textured meat in it, not just a ground up pork chop, steaks should be served medium, medium rare, medium well, or rare, not as shoe leather, biscuits are kind of like rolls not crackers, and for the love of god serve a beer with a flavor other than bitter horse piss (a good irish lager will be most appreciated)).

Props to the OP. The best description I have ever heard for vegemite, was from someone here (I don't remember who) who said, "vegemite is the devil's diarrhea". I think the same could aptly apply to marmite.

[Bibliovore]

Nonsense, my good man. This is not an attempt to inflict some form of culinary GBH on the former colonies, but rather an earnest endeavor to share the wholesome goodness of this yeastfully toothsome morsel with our chums across the pond. In fact it's chock full of vitamins and really good for you - honest...

[One And Only Wanderers]

Marmite - the dieter's friend, merely smear a liberal amount on all your favourite foods and the pounds will melt away, due to the fact you won't be eating anything once its smeared in Marmite

;)

[Galanthus]

Originally posted by Carl_A_Norris
Marmite - the dieter's friend, merely smear a liberal amount on all your favourite foods and the pounds will melt away, due to the fact you won't be eating anything once its smeared in Marmite

;)

Sort of ironic that, being as I have been know to smear things I don't like in marmite in order to get them down :)

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

I'd always thought Marmite was a byproduct of the toilet-cleaning industry. You say it's a byproduct of beer-brewing? Hmm. Where exactly do the British brew their beers?

Daniel

[curly chick]

Originally posted by stick monkey
a good irish lager will be most appreciated.


Send all The Harp to that man there.
It seems that someone, somewhere drinks it and the factory in Dundalk is not, as I have long suspected, a front for some money laundering operation of dubious intent. Hai.
Most surprising.

Self-confessed imbibers of bland and flavourless yellow fizzy water do not appreciate Marmite?
Well, you do surprise me.
;)

[One And Only Wanderers]

Originally posted by Galanthus
Sort of ironic that, being as I have been know to smear things I don't like in marmite in order to get them down :)

Im gonna regret this but....

What do you smear in Marmite and then eat?

[lieu]

I say, Geoffrey, what say we scrape the yeast off a dead marmot and see if anyone will eat it?

Righto!

[Doomtrain]

Originally posted by lieu
I say, Geoffrey, what say we scrape the yeast off a dead marmot and see if anyone will eat it?

Righto!

They knew the Brits would love it, because they love eating nasty things and then proclaiming from the hilltops that such things aren't nasty, they're tasty and delicious. Kinda reminds me of being a kid, when your mom would be going "Oooh, look, this spinach is so gooooood! Num num num!" while not actually eating any.

[cowgirl]

mmm ... I'm not English and I love marmite ! Seems I'm not the only one because there's always some in the grocery store, two sizes of jar. I aquired the taste, consciously. It only took a few tries before I started to crave it. That memory of marmite flavour that torments you is a torment to me too ... because I would really love some now.

[Galanthus]

Originally posted by Carl_A_Norris
Im gonna regret this but....

What do you smear in Marmite and then eat?

Bah, nothing exciting. Just certain vegatables I was forced to east as a child .... you WILL eat your sprouts.

I love brussel sprouts now too, I'm sure it was the marmite.

[Bippy the Beardless]

Ha Marmite is the reason that England has remained unconquered for over nine hundred years.
After that bit of a problem with Wily Norman in 1066 we had to ensure never again would foreigners (especially French) dare invade our shores. The answer was in the very oasthouses and breweries of our beloved warm beer. One brewhouse in particular that had laid unused for over three hundred years was found to contain a black tar like substance that has ever since struck fear into the very hearts of foreigners from this fair isles. Marmite was to prove our greatest defense, more fearsome than haggis, more contagious than the dreaded Spotted Dick, it was Marmite that would make the French go "ewwww, yuck" and run away in Chthonic terror.

[Galanthus]

Originally posted by Carl_A_Norris
Im gonna regret this but....

What do you smear in Marmite and then eat?

Bah, nothing exciting. Just certain vegatables I was forced to east as a child .... you WILL eat your sprouts.

I love brussel sprouts now too, I'm sure it was the marmite.

[TheLoadedDog]

Food of the Gods.

Of course Vegemite is better, but Marmite is still pretty good. It's Promite which is odd.

It's a little-known fact that during the upcoming Rugby World Cup Final, the English and Australian players will coat their hands in Marmite and Vegemite respectively, to improve ball grip.

Cool OP by the way, but... ahhh.... how do I put this politely? JEEZERS SWEET CREEPING VISHNU, YOU COME FROM A SOCIETY THAT EATS PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!!!!!!!!!! BLOOOOOARGH!

[curly chick]

Originally posted by TheLoadedDog
It's a little-known fact that during the upcoming Rugby World Cup Final, the English and Australian players will coat their hands in Marmite and Vegemite respectively, to improve ball grip.


Do you know, TLD, you might have hit upon a way to finally, once and for all and unequivocally decide which is the superior product?

Although, upon preview review it strikes me that this will only decide which is the mightiest -mite for non prescribed, albeit inventive, activity.

Nah, whoever wins on Saturday, the Marmite vs Vegemite unresolvable debate will roll on for ever and ever, provided that we always remain vigilant ; wherever a PBJ fan raises his head over the parapet, we can bury our differences to face the common foe together.

[BottledBlondJeanie]

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks.

This is the kind of stuff I always loved SDMB for...

And, I'm off to Central Market later tonight to see if I can find any vegemite--seems like marmite might be a bit much to start off with.

Also, what is promite?

[Nocturne]

I'm an American.

Peanut butter is awesome.

Jelly is shit that should go back to hell.

And whoever thought of putting peanut butter and jelly together is probably already there.

Never had Vegemite or Marmite, but I should be rocking up in Australia fairly soon, so we'll see...

[gonzoron]

The best description of Vegemite I've heard comes from my Aussie friend who said: "imagine eating congealed soy sauce."

I brought a small package back with me and saved it for when I had some friends over. Revulsion all around. yay! :)

Even the guy in our group that "will eat anything" was repulsed. The best part was about 20 minutes after the tasting when he suddenly burst out: "Oh God, I can still tase it!"

[stick monkey]

Send all The Harp to that man there.

I said a good Irish Lager. :p

Like a red or a short stout (somewhere between a lager and a stout), not the yellow ale they sometimes call lager.

[lel]

If you don't like marmite, I'd certainly encourage you to try vegemite -- it's like comparing this bland goo with the goodness of the earth! Okay, not really, if you despise marmite, vegemite probably wouldn't be much better. However, had I tried marmite first, I never would have bothered tasting vegemite.

[Wabbit]

RULE BRITTANIA, BRITTANIA RULE THE WAVES,

please, someone, kill me...

BRITONS NEVER WILL BE SLAVES! (except to almighty Cthulu, our lord and master)

[Dravin]

Originally posted by Nocturne
I'm an American.

Peanut butter is awesome.

Jelly is shit that should go back to hell.


That's why you go jam all the way, good old black cherry or raspberry jam on toasted bread is mighty fine eats.

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by blackhobyah
Vegemite has a pretty strong flavour, you don't want it thick, just a nice thin layer. If you prefer your food bland or sweet you mightn't like Vegemite, but if you like things like anchovies, olives or capers there's a good chance you'll enjoy it. Hmm...I like anchovies (especially in Caesar salad) and love olives. I've even been known to put olive pesto in my peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. I wonder if anyone around here sells Vegemite or Marmite.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally posted by Futile Gesture
Wrong.

Marmite is produced from yeast that produced during brewing. It's approved by the Vegetarian Society, so you can be assured that it has nothing to do with beef broth.
My god, if that's true, it means that AN AUSTRALIAN LIED TO ME!!

Oy. :(

I still love marmite and vegemite, though. Promite was a little weird. And I only ate the Mighty mite because I was out of the other yeast extracts.

Go for it, Jeff Olsen!!

[Wikkit]

Originally posted by Jeff Olsen
Hmm...I like anchovies (especially in Caesar salad) and love olives. I've even been known to put olive pesto in my peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. I wonder if anyone around here sells Vegemite or Marmite. If you punch vegemite into Goggle, it shows some US-based sellers in the sponsored links on the right.

Oddly enough, none mention what hazmat category it's shipped under. I'd guess Class 8, Corrosive Liquid, though it might fall under Class 6, either Poison or Toxic.

[Sir Doris]

Originally posted by curly chick
Send all The Harp to that man there.
It seems that someone, somewhere drinks it and the factory in Dundalk is not, as I have long suspected, a front for some money laundering operation of dubious intent. Hai.
Most surprising.

Self-confessed imbibers of bland and flavourless yellow fizzy water do not appreciate Marmite?
Well, you do surprise me.
;)

Took the words out of my mouth :D

[stick monkey]

Oddly enough, none mention what hazmat category it's shipped under. I'd guess Class 8, Corrosive Liquid, though it might fall under Class 6, either Poison or Toxic.

I am thinking it's shipped as Class 666, demonic and evil, with a side of nasty and vomitous.

[One And Only Wanderers]

Breaking News!!

Vegemite used as component in euthanasia machine (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3276787.stm)

I can only imagine the deadly uses of Marmite. Someone had better check the companies sales records and make sure Saddam didn't buy any ;)

[keithnmick]

Mmmm. This thread has prompted me to enjoy marmite on toast along with a bowl of tomato soup for lunch these past two days.

Tomorrow I think I'll go healthy and have me some KFC. :)

aaah...my mate marmite.

www.ihatemarmite.com
www.ilovemarmite.com

[cajela]

I used to think that Marmite was crap. Light sweet tasteless stuff compared to the salty black goodness of vegemite. However, a British friend has assured me that the Real Stuff is different fromt he marmite sold in supermarkets here.

So next time I go to Britain I will try it and see. He has also raved to me of "twiglets", a treat I eagerly anticipate. Mmmmm, salt. Pass the anchovies & olives please. More salt. Mmmmm.

And important advice for Americans - never ever try to eat vegemite on your bread; that sweet stuff just clashes like buggery. It's like eating vegemite on fruit loaf with all the raisins picked out. Yuk. Wrong wrong wrong.

BTW, do you US folks actually *have* any savoury toast spreads? And if so, would you eat them at breakfast? I can't think of any. Whenever I've had breakfasts in US hotels it's sweet stuff everywhere.

[Wikkit]

Originally posted by cajela
BTW, do you US folks actually *have* any savoury toast spreads? And if so, would you eat them at breakfast? I can't think of any. Whenever I've had breakfasts in US hotels it's sweet stuff everywhere. Jif peanut butter has 150mg sodium per 32g serving. Marmite has 4.5g Na per 100g. So Marmite has about ten times as much salt, w/w, but it seems like a person would use a lot more peanut butter than marmite.

[Essured]

I'll chime in on the side of Marmite. I find Vegemite bland, but love Marmite.

Mr Goo is a vegemite-lover, so we have both vegemite and marmite sitting side-by-side in the pantry.
Any visiting Yanks are welcome to stay the night and have a slice of toast with each for breakfast and decide for themselves :)

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by cajela
BTW, do you US folks actually *have* any savoury toast spreads? And if so, would you eat them at breakfast? I can't think of any. Whenever I've had breakfasts in US hotels it's sweet stuff everywhere. There's the olive pesto that I mentioned earlier but it's not easy to find. One of my sources evidently stopped carrying it because I couldn't find it last time I was there.

[Palewriter]

"do you US folks actually *have* any savoury toast spreads? "

Not a one, I'm afraid.

How anyone can enjoy a boiled egg without marmite soldiers is quite beyond me.

- PW

[trabi]

A few years back my mother's French lodger found a jar of marmite in the kitchen and, thinking it was some kind of chocolate spread, she dug into it with a spoon...

[WILLASS]

Has anyone here ever heard of/tried a little known food stuff called 'Gentlemans Relish'? It sounds like its made out of jizz and pretty much tastes like it is too, its kind of like hyper marmite, a testosterone fueled older brother of marmite with a lot more attitude. I think its eaten mainly by the posh and is actually made from anchovies (it smells like those fish flakes for goldfish) what i'm trying to say here is; if you think marmite is harsh, just wait 'til you get a load of this abomination........


www.elsenham.com/patum

[curly chick]

I've tried that and as a staunch Marmiteer, I have to say I thought it was absolutely diabolical.
It is obvious why though, and I agree with you wholeheartedly, WILLASS - I lack the requisite degree of poshicity

It must take years of breeding, generations of empire building and documented evidence that your ancestors were around at the time of William the Conquerer, in order to have tastebuds equal to the challenge of the mighty Gentleman's Relish.

[jjimm]

I'm a great fan of gentleman's relish, and you'll often find me swallowing it, not spitting as you two seem to do.

Seriously though, I do occasionally treat myself to a bit of patum peperium. It's anchovy heaven and I recommend it. Highly flavoured and to be spread even thinner than marmite. Gorgeous.

[Bibliovore]

Great stuff indeed, jjimm. Remember to keep that little finger poised when partaking of this salty delight.

[Gary Kumquat]

Originally posted by curly chick
It must take years of breeding, generations of empire building and documented evidence that your ancestors were around at the time of William the Conquerer, in order to have tastebuds equal to the challenge of the mighty Gentleman's Relish.

'fraid not. I meet all the criteria above and still think that Gentleman's Relish is vile stuff.

But marmite, ooh, what you need is a cold Sunday night, a nice cup of tea, and a stack of buttered toast with a thin, thin spreading of marmite. Heaven, especially if Bullseye is playing on the telly.

[jjimm]

Are you therefore No True Scotsman then?

Answer the question in the time it takes Bully to revolve.

[BottledBlondJeanie]

Holy Shit!

Someone shall pay for this.

So, I did, in fact, hop down to my local gourmet food store and asked for vegemite. The startled clerk gaped at me and led me down the aisles. Finally, he shows me a jar. "Here ya go...mind if I ask why?" Silly fool I thought...I'm going to try it tonight. he shrugged and walked away, but I think I heard giggling...

Later that night I made toast, put real butter on it and then a delicate slither of vegemite. It smelled...bad, but I thought some other foods do too, but have a wonderful taste.

So, I chomped down. I'm guessing that if you stored scapings of athlete's foot fungers onto a petri dish full of agar agar and then left it in a jar for a year, you'd get something close to this. That was VILE.

And, now, as mentioned, I'm having flashbacks...horrible acid-trippy flashbacks. Mmmm look, snickers, yum...BLORT-rancid, putrid nastiness...maybe later. My coworkers think that I've become anorexic. Thanks guys.

[Gary Kumquat]

Originally posted by jjimm
Are you therefore No True Scotsman then?
Not during winter months, when a pair of Marks and Spencers finest is essential for the rather chilly conditions up here.

Answer the question in the time it takes Bully to revolve. [/B]
Ah, happy days. I can almost feel the rosy glow of knowing your homework is done, and you've still got a few hours left of the weekend.

[jjimm]

BottledBlondJeanie, no wonder you nearly barfed. you bought Vegemite, which is the devil's smegma, rather than Marmite. :smack: Go back to the deli and try again with the proper stuff.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally posted by BottledBlondJeanie
Holy Shit!

Someone shall pay for this.


I'll be glad to take the rest of the jar off your hands! I've got an order in for the 2 kilo tub, but it hasn't arrived yet.

[Lute Skywatcher]

Palewriter, keep an eye out for olive pesto. Safeway did have a brand that I liked but the last one I was in didn't seem to have it. Randalls is the operated by the same company so you could try there if any are near where you are. Another good brand is HT Traders but only Harris Teeter carries it and they don't exist west of Tennessee. Both brands are somewhat dry, I have to add a bit of oil to make them spreadable.

[singular1]

So while we're on the subject, anybody have a recipe for an olive and walnut spread? I got it from Heloise years ago, but it's no longer on their website, and it is sublime. It has olives (well, duh..), walnuts, cream cheese and dill, I think, but there was more. I'm doing Atkins, and it would be really nice to have something different like this.

[BottledBlondJeanie]

I ain't tryin' no freakin' marmite. It's akin to vegemite, therefore it must be AWFUL!

Qadgop you'd be welcome to it except for it's now become the talk of the office (now I'll KNOW if there are any other dopers here). There will be a tasting party tomorrow at lunch. I wonder if I'll get fired when everyone goes home ill

[Bippy the Beardless]

Does anyone else here spread their marmite as thick as jam? I would use up half a tablespoon of marmite on a slice of bread, mmmmmmm.

[DarkPrince]

Originally posted by GMRyujin
Moral of the story: Never trust the British. They're still pissy about losing to a rabble like us.

Probably because their troops were too busy trying to control their gag reflex to aim the muskets correctly. :D

[Bippy the Beardless]

DarkPrince from the Liquid soul dimension... your a Marmite salesman aren't you?

[MC Master of Ceremonies]

I hate marmite, it's disgusting (they make with the by-products of colonic irrigation). Anyone who likes what is essientally goat semen should be excluded from positons of power.

[Bippy the Beardless]

But goat semen and marmite taste completely different.

[MC Master of Ceremonies]

Well, they flavour it.

Also as a note of caution to all you would-be marmite eaters out there, marmite has been linked to several outbreaks of the dreaded lurgy.

[Fretful Porpentine]

I rather like Marmite, but since it's seven bucks for a very small jar at the local gourmet shop, it's not something I'm going to indulge in while in this country.

[g8rguy]

it's seven bucks for a very small jar at the local gourmet shop Proof yet again that if you charge enough for something, no matter how odd, someone will buy it.

[GuanoLad]

Indeed - it's a well known fact that the more exclusive the food item, the more horrifyingly awful it tastes.

Though I looooove Marmite on hot buttered toast, oh yes I do.

[Doomtrain]

Originally posted by jjimm
BottledBlondJeanie, no wonder you nearly barfed. you bought Vegemite, which is the devil's smegma, rather than Marmite. :smack: Go back to the deli and try again with the proper stuff.

Not to bring Fark cliches over, but

[Admiral Ackbar]
IT'S A TRAP!
[/AA]

[Capt B. Phart]

The only real use for Vegemite! (http://www.dansdata.com/goop.htm)

[jjimm]

In honour of this thread, I went home last night and had hot buttered toast spread thick with Marmite. Bliss! Even my wife likes it now (many Irish people run screaming at the thought of yet another colonial atrocity being inflicted on them).l

[Gary Kumquat]

Originally posted by jjimm
In honour of this thread, I went home last night and had hot buttered toast spread thick with Marmite. Bliss! Even my wife likes it now (many Irish people run screaming at the thought of yet another colonial atrocity being inflicted on them).l

I was going to, but the corner shop was out of butter and marmite has to be served on buttered toast.

[Aro]

I dunno about Marmite, but I made my own peanut butter once.

I bucked some KP salted into the Flora tub and then lashed it liberally on some bread. Can't really see the appeal of it, myself.

What?

[Ice Wolf]

Ah, I like Marmite.

It was the staple of sandwiches as I grew up. Nary a kiddie could be seen in the playground without the obligatory marmite slathered sammies (unless it was cold spaghetti sammies. Oh, the horror.)

A cheese sandwich with marmite and home-grown lettuce -- wondrous food, oh how I love thee. :)

Not sure I've tried Vegemite yet. Probably have. Can't really tell the difference, it's all the same across the slice.

[Mehitabel]

Originally posted by Ice Wolf
Ah, I like Marmite.

It was the staple of sandwiches as I grew up. Nary a kiddie could be seen in the playground without the obligatory marmite slathered sammies (unless it was cold spaghetti sammies. Oh, the horror.)


:eek:

Makes addendum to New Zealand fantasy trip list: FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD, BRING YOUR OWN FOOD!

[scablet]

I tried Marmite for the first time today. Saw a jar at the grocery store for once and thought I'd walk on the wild side.

Verdict?


I like it, I really, really like it!

Tried it spread really thinly across some warm Russian rye toast. Tasty. Experimented with slathering it a bit more thickly on some Saltines and enjoyed that too. It's also good on Melba toast.

As palatable as I find this British delicacy, however, my tongue is now quite parched from all this wanton Marmitery. I've also managed to somehow spread, smear and slather my way through a quarter of the jar in the course of an afternoon.

If this turns into a fifty-dollar-a-day habit, I'm telling you, someone in this thread will be held responsible...

[Palewriter]

Originally posted by Jeff Olsen
Palewriter, keep an eye out for olive pesto.

Well, I can always buy Marmite at my local Kroger, so I don't need any substitutes. Hey, if some people don't like it, that's fine with me. Maybe it'll keep the price down. :)

- PW

[Mighty_Girl]

Hubby and I tried to find Marmite at Magazin, a well-stocked Danish store to bring back home for a British friend. They seemed to carry every British product possible but marmite, we asked the clerk who looked at us like we had three eyes, "marmite?!” she said, "That was banned here years ago!". Apparently some Danes have fallen ill after consuming the offensive substance and the store decided to never offer it again. Oh well...

BTW, I tried it once, I didn't find it disgusting, but neither particularly appealing. Tapenade, on the other hand...

[Bippy the Beardless]

Marmite must be one of the most unlikely foods from which someone could fall sick, the salt content is high enough to kill of any bacteria. I guess though the flavour could be used to hide contaminants polaced there by non-marmite-eating terrorists (you know who you are).
Anyway, Friday's Rugby proved once and for all that Marmite is superior to Vegimite :)

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by Mighty_Girl
Tapenade, on the other hand... Just bought some green olive tapenade yesterday.

[Mangetout]

I'm betting that many of the Americans who have tried yeast extract spreads and hated them did so because they spread them far too thickly - it is incredibly strongly-flavoured and although some folks (myself included) can happily consume it from a spoon,

Try it this way:
Take two pieces of crisp rye toast, prop them up like a little tent on a plate and allow them to cool completely (this allows all the steamy moisture to escape and keeps the toast crispy) - now spread them liberally with unsalted butter that is just soft enough to spread properly, then smear a little Marmite (for each slice, a blob no larger in size than half a peanut kernel) evenly across the butter.

[MC Master of Ceremonies]

Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless
Marmite must be one of the most unlikely foods from which someone could fall sick, the salt content is high enough to kill of any bacteria. I guess though the flavour could be used to hide contaminants polaced there by non-marmite-eating terrorists (you know who you are).
Anyway, Friday's Rugby proved once and for all that Marmite is superior to Vegimite :)

I'm guessing that rather than being physically ill after trying it, they just fell into a general malaise after finding out that people could jar pure unadultarted evil and sell it as a spread.

[Bippy the Beardless]

"Darkness spreads o'er Neverland,
the bedtime hour is close at hand,
Jacko comes in search of boys,
to play with his most special toys.
and whosoever shall be found
without their pants upon the ground
must stand and face the rubber glove
of Michael's cruel and unholy love,
the funkiest stench is in the air
the sweat of prepubescent boys,
and younger girls in every room
are hiding from their paedo doom
and though they try to stay a child
they cannot hope to win their fight,
for Jackson dip's his penis in
a jar of Evil Marmite"

[Mehitabel]

The Dread Spread (oh god, I kill me) has come to Brooklyn! Look out Biggirl!

The Key Food (a big middlebrow chain) has started stocking the stuff according to The NYT. (http://www.nytimes.com/2003/11/23/nyregion/thecity/23crum.html) It started innocently enough, with beans in tomato sauce, then kept on going and they now also boast--if that's the word--microwaveable spotted dick.

:eek:

Says the hapless storekeeper, "I never heard of Typhoo tea. I'm Croatian by birth. I don't have a clue what half of this stuff is."

[Lute Skywatcher]

Okay, I tried Marmite and can see why some people find it disgusting. As expected, I am not one of them. It really is best when taken in small doses, say a quarter teaspoon spread on a slice of buttered toast and the taste does stay with you for a while.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally posted by Jeff Olsen
Okay, I tried Marmite and can see why some people find it disgusting. As expected, I am not one of them. It really is best when taken in small doses, say a quarter teaspoon spread on a slice of buttered toast and the taste does stay with you for a while.
Welcome to the greater world of sophisticated tastes.

Next week: Fish sauce!!!