Superheroes etc. who are NOT cut, muscular or sexy?

[rexnervous]

Just saw, for the umpteenth time, the commercial for the DVD of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Every cast member is handsome, sexy, muscular and whatnot.

So, name me some superheroes who aren't? And no, The Hulk doesn't count.

[Julius Henry]

That probably rules out The Thing, too.

How about Plastic Man.

[Dizzy Fingers]

Never fear, Common Multiple Man (http://community.webshots.com/photo/1497271/1497273zNsNzgzPkx) is here!

[FabioClone]

Peter Parker was originally quite the wallflower.
However, over the run of the comic, he eventually morphed into the cut, muscular, sexy beast he is today.

And pretty much every hero from Alan Moore's Watchmen.

You probably don't want to include villians, but I can't help mentioning that The Blob is generally considered the antithesis of "cut, muscular, and sexy."

[RealityChuck]

Most heroes of the 40s and 50s were not portrayed as being "cut." Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four was just a normal looking guy (when he wasn't stretching all over the place). Believe it or not, that sort of muscle defintion was considered quite grotesque at the time.

I blame it all on Neal Adams -- one of my favorite comic book artists, but he pretty much invented the style. People talk about Jack Kirby's influence -- which was important -- but most heros shown today are basically clones of Neal Adams's work.

Other non-sexy superheroes: The Fat Fury (http://www.toonopedia.com/fatfury.htm), the original Captain Marvel (heck, the entire Marvel Family (http://shazam.imginc.com/), The Inferior Five (http://www.toonopedia.com/inferior.htm) (not counting Dumb Bunny, who was a dish), the original Wesley Dodds Sandman, and Johnny Thunder (http://www.toonopedia.com/jthundr1.htm).

[quiltguy154]

Bouncing Boy

[wildcat]

wasn't captain kangaroo a superhero?... :D

[Guinastasia]

What, no mention of Puma Man?

Sheesh!

:p

[Evil Captor]

The Moth, the sidekick on the Tick's short-lived TV series.

[x-ray vision]

Robin and Superboy

[x-ray vision]

Underdog

[x-ray vision]

Corageous Cat and Minute Mouse

[Dizzy Fingers]

Ah, they're 1920s-style "death x-rays."

[Lumpy]

For that matter, the 1940's-1950's Batman wasn't that ripped. Yes, he was big and strong, but he looked more like a professional wrestler of the era than like Mr. Universe. The ideal back then wasn't a fantasticly low body-fat percentage, but what real athletes actually looked like.

[First Amongst Daves]

Does John Constantine from Hellblazer count as a superhero? Skinny chain smoking guy.

The Drummer from Planetary isn't muscle bound.

The Doctor from The Authority is a veritable weed. In one issue, he admits to getting the crap beaten out of him at school.

There are some pudgy, overweight superhero/cops in Top Ten.

And finally, Elongated Man is a skinny-ish guy. Maybe those stretchy types just don't need muscles.

[Snooooopy]

Puck from Alpha Flight was really short.

[caveman]

Prof X is just an old bald dude in a wheelchair...
oh, sure, he can MAKE the chicks think he's sexy, but that don't count...

[shy guy]

The golden age Sandman.

[Ranchoth]

Most of the Xavier institute's students in New X-Men. Although they aren't full-fledged "heroes" (or villains?) quite yet.

Marvel's "Madame Web" is an elderly, completely paralyzed woman, permenantly attached to a life support system.

Marvel's "Warlock" is/was a goofy looking robot.

About one quarter of X-Statix is fairly unattractive, at any one time. (Membership constantly shifts, of course.)

[First Amongst Daves]

Originally posted by shy guy
The golden age Sandman.

Only Matt Wagner's revamp had him as a bookish and almost introverted guy. Jerry Ordway draw The Sandman as your typical muscle bound hero in the pages of All Star Squadron, for example.

[Max Carnage]

Hindsight Lad from the New Warriors

Tom Thumb was a not so ripped midget in Squadron Supreme

Frog-Man is a frumpy kid.

As was the Spectacular Spider-Kid (until some moron of a writer tried to make a serious hero out of the comical character and made him skilly and changed his name to the Steel Spider or some such rubbish)

Toad has never been overly attractive.

Mole Man's whole schtick revolved around him being too ugly for the surface world.

There's tons of grotesque beastly villains, but I think you are looking for more of an "unattractive" human type.

[Hey, It's That Guy!]

My favorite superhero, Blue Beetle, is constantly struggling with weight problems, as well as self-doubt and heart disease. While he has been portrayed as handsome and fit in the past, his best years of superheroing may be behind him.

[Blake]

Marrow
Nightcrawler
Gargoyle

[CadburyAngel]

Oh, Nightcrawler is cut, muscular, and sexy. I know I'm not the only one that thinks this, check out all the old X-Men threads...

[Czarcasm]

Ambush Bug, of course.

[Krokodil]

Ma Hunkle, the Red Tornado
Dr. Druid
Chunk (Flash's pal)
G'Nort
Volstagg
Karnak (Frightfully thin)
Most of the Great Lakes Avengers
Dr. Strange (depends on the artist)
Straw Man

[First Amongst Daves]

Originally posted by Big Bad Voodoo Lou
My favorite superhero, Blue Beetle, is constantly struggling with weight problems, as well as self-doubt and heart disease. While he has been portrayed as handsome and fit in the past, his best years of superheroing may be behind him.

Ah, but Lou, the Blue Beetle has now shaped up, according to recent issues of Birds of Prey.

(PS Lou - If you haven't worked out my own secret identity, folow the link in my sig.)

[rjung]

Impulse
Herbie, the Fat Fury
The Impossible Man
Mr. Myxzilplc (or however you spell it)
Bat-Mite
The Molecule Man
The Molecule Man's girlfriend, Volcana
Most kid sidekicks

And some semi-obscure ones from Kurt Buseik's Astro City:
The Bouncing Beatnik
"Roach" (of the Astro City Irregulars)
Julius Furst
Rex, of the First Family
The Hanged Man

[Fear Itself]

The Got-No-Green Lantern

[hypnoboth]

Originally posted by shy guy
The golden age Sandman.

Heck with the Golden Age Sandman. The new age Sandman isn't ripped, and how many of you women find him sexy?

Heck, all the Endless are ugly. Well, Destruction is ripped and sexy as hell, but he left. Death has her attraction, but she certainly isn't the curvy-curvy, tits-out-to-here stereotype. And let's face it, Despair is just plain ugly, ugly, ugly.

Even Desire isn't beautiful. Gaiman wrote her/him so that anyone looking upon him/her would fall in love, so much in love that he or she would spiral into a web of desire, unable to love anyone else. But none of the artists have been able to come up to that promise with that androgenous character, and most of the time she/he is a sharp chinned, rather repellent looking thing. The artists should do better than that. The closest was in the latest Endless Nights, but even that, with the full face golden eyes, wasn't that close.

[Gorgon Heap]

If anyone remembers it - Jim Lee's Wild C.A.Ts member Maul's great big "hulk" form was a big switch from his real form. In reality, he was a scrawny, bespectacled nerd who hung out at art galleries - he was even dorkier and less handsome than Bruce Banner.

The actual comic-book Wolverine. Though Hugh Jackman is fantastic as Wolvie in the films, he's a damn good looking guy. In the comic "reality," Logan is 5'3", broad shouldered, scruffy, densely hairy and stinks of cheap cigars and beer. Tell me that would be attractive in real life and I'll call you a liar.

[Otto]

In the comic "reality," Logan is 5'3", broad shouldered, scruffy, densely hairy and stinks of cheap cigars and beer. Tell me that would be attractive in real life and I'll call you a liar. Well, call me a liar then because on a purely physical level Wolverine is hot. Now, throw in all the personality issues and I would run away quick like a bunny but he's still a hot little trick.

[BMalion]

Karnak has a wierd big head thing going on.

Gorgon is a big, hairy guy with goat legs. I suppose he'd be sexy to some renn-faire wench somewhere, though.


I loved the fact that Harry Leland of the Hellfire Club looked like an old, fat Orson Welles.

Here's (http://www.geocities.com/luiiluu/hfc.htm) his face as drawn by John Byrne (scroll down).

[Hey, It's That Guy!]

Originally posted by The God of Muesli Bars
Ah, but Lou, the Blue Beetle has now shaped up, according to recent issues of Birds of Prey.

(PS Lou - If you haven't worked out my own secret identity, folow the link in my sig.)

Of course I recognize you, Sir! Great to see you on the Straight Dope! But your secret identity is safe with me.

As for Beetle, in the recent Formerly Known As the Justice League miniseries, he complained a lot about his heart condition and was always nervous about rushing into battle. It is clear he lost some of the weight (as I also remember from the wonderful Watchmen tribute in Birds of Prey #25), but Kevin Maguire definitely drew him with more normal proportions in FKATJL, not ripped or anything.

I haven't read Birds of Prey in a few years so I don't know what he's been up to in that title, but I'd love to see what new writer Gail Simone does with Beetle!

[sturmhauke]

Groo the Wanderer - big, dumb, ugly, two-sword wielding barbarian.

[rjung]

I don't think Groo qualifies as a "superhero," though. The only super-ability he seems to have is the ability to ignore his own stench... ;)

[Cervaise]

Cerebus?

[Patr100]

Forbush Man.

[Mr. Blue Sky]

Lobo. Not a hero, per se, and he is muscular, but with the pasty skin color, unkempt appearance, questionable body odor, I can't imagine many who would find him sexy.

[Elmer Snerd]

http://www.eviltwincomics.com/stuper/characters.html
http://www.eviltwincomics.com/stuper/01.html

[rouftop]

Too Much Coffee Man is a personal favorite. http://www.tmcm.com

[tracer]

Originally posted by Guinastasia
What, no mention of Puma Man?
THE ... pyu-MAY ... man, doo doo doo doo doo...

[Cervaise]

Piltdown Man.

[Miller]

The Spirit?

[Headcoat]

Are there any female superheros who dont have a swimsuit model physique?

[Baggins111]

Danger Mouse and Inspector Gadget.


And a hearty laugh to Cervaise's Piltdown Man. Unless he's actually a superhero now and I missed that....

[Uvula Donor]

Flaming Carrot

Or, for that matter, any of the Mystery Men.

[First Amongst Daves]

Originally posted by Headcoat
Are there any female superheros who dont have a swimsuit model physique?

Amanda Waller doesn't really count, I guess.

[Bryan Ekers]

Krypto is only considered attractive by real bitches.

[Krokodil]

Originally posted by Headcoat
Are there any female superheros who dont have a swimsuit model physique?

Ma Hunkle, the Red Tornado
Big Bertha (A shape-changer; ironically, a swimsuit model in her secret identity}
Sharon Ventura, in She-Thing mode
Dinah Soar
Agatha Harkness
Monstress
Mighty Mary
Madame Web

[Moo the Magic Cow]

Bone
Arthur (the Tick's sidekick)

[Ranchoth]

Originally posted by Headcoat
Are there any female superheros who dont have a swimsuit model physique?

Well, strictly speaking, She-Hulk doesn't have a "swimsuit model" physique. Neither does Callisto (http://marvelbook.topcities.com/abcd/callisto.htm) They could, however, easily crush my skull like a grape.

DC's Oracle...well, she may be wheelchair bound, but she seems to keep her figure pretty well.

[sturmhauke]

Originally posted by rjung
I don't think Groo qualifies as a "superhero," though. The only super-ability he seems to have is the ability to ignore his own stench... ;)
Yeah, maybe he qualifies as a superdumbass though. He accidentally bludgeons his way through problems.

[Kaitlyn]

None of the Golden age heroes had a bodybuilder/swimsuit model physique. Many of the men wore loose fitting costumes (including the Flash, for whom it would make sense to have a skin tight costume). Those who didn't, such as Supes, Batman, Hawkman, tended to built like professional boxers of the time; big and beefy, but no six-packs or v-shapes. The most prominent female heroes of the time, Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl, wore less than revealing costumes; Wonder Woman originally had a knee-length skirt, later some rather modest shorts, and the most you'd see of Hawkgirl was her shoulders and arms.

[BMalion]

Originally posted by rjung
I don't think Groo qualifies as a "superhero," though. The only super-ability he seems to have is the ability to ignore his own stench... ;)


Sheesh, that Groo, what a mendicant. :rolleyes:

[Bakhesh]

I can't believe everyone forgot about Elephant Man.

[Patr100]

Bicycle Repair Man.

[Bryan Ekers]

Originally posted by Number Six
The most prominent female heroes of the time, Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl, wore less than revealing costumes; Wonder Woman originally had a knee-length skirt, later some rather modest shorts, and the most you'd see of Hawkgirl was her shoulders and arms.

Fortunately, Phantom Lady (http://home.comcast.net/~brons/Comics/Women1.html) was there to take up the, heh-heh, slack.