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WIGGUM
05-03-2000, 11:04 AM
Who would win in a fight? Hand to hand, no weapons.

I figure it would have to be a fight to the death because neither of them would cry mercy.

I gotta go with Chewy on this one. He's got over 200 years of experience, he's got claws, and he's definitely got the reach advantage. Worf would hold his own for a while, but the Wookiee would lay the smack down on him in the third.

Kiki
05-03-2000, 11:06 AM
Chewbacca all the way!! He's quite the bad ass.

Now... Taz or the Road Runner?

mega the roo
05-03-2000, 11:23 AM
Chewy. Duh.

Taz and the Road Runner.. in a race?

If that's what you mean, I'd have to go for the Road Runner. I imagine the way Taz cuts into the earth causes a bit of friction, slowing the little sucker, down.

SwimmingRiddles
05-03-2000, 11:29 AM
I agree with the Roo on the race thing, but if it was a street fight, no rules, Taz would eat the Road Runner. Literally.

Martha Stewart and Heloise. Go.

Munch
05-03-2000, 11:49 AM
I can't back this up, but I have a feeling Heloise fights dirty. She'd pound Martha good while she was looking up stock quotes.

Mr. Ed or Mr. Greenjeans, go.

Inky-
05-03-2000, 11:55 AM
Chewbacca, all the way.

Warf was was WAY too wrapped up in his own inner conflict between bieng a Klingon and bieng too human and all that "honor" baggage.

Chewies the strong silent type who you KNEW was ready to drop the nutty laser-shooting crossbow and put the smack down.

Inky-
05-03-2000, 12:01 PM
Oops. forgot myself there...

GreenJeans was a sneaky, stealthy, ninja-like charactor. Always popping up outta nowhere, and WAY too clever for mister moose's ping pong ball tricks.

Poppin' fresh Vs. Toucan Sam

struuter
05-03-2000, 12:56 PM
One gulp. Bye-bye dough boy. (My brother always said he must've been stoned, the way he giggled all the time)

How about a tag team event?
The Keebler Elves vs. Snap, Crackle and Pop

Demo
05-03-2000, 12:59 PM
Good one. Keeblers have them in numbers, but Snap et al have the elves in youth and military training. My vote is for Snap, Crackle and Pop.

How about Einstein vs Feynman takin' it to the parking lot?

G.B.H. Hornswoggler
05-03-2000, 01:04 PM
You kidding? Feynman had forearms like cables from all his bongoing. He'd pop Albert's head off like a grape.

Big Bird vs. Captain Kangaroo

Inky-
05-03-2000, 01:06 PM
Feynman was WAT too dependant on weapons, stabbing his opponants with pointed diagrams, Einstien had the advantage of astounding speed, moving so fast thet he could actually strike a blow BEFORE the punch was thown and the added benefit of the quantum mass the punch delivered as it approached the speed of light.

Howz' about Pac Man vs. Dig Dug?

SwimmingRiddles
05-03-2000, 01:14 PM
Big Bird doesn't have thumbs. The Cap' would kick his feathered ass.

I don't know who dig dug is, so I'll go with pacman. ::hangs head in shame::

drewbert
05-03-2000, 01:19 PM
Snap, Crackle and Pop make a lot of noise, but they're nothing but air. Keebler Elves eat them for breakfast.

Snuggles the Softener Bear vs. Poppin' Fresh?

Catrandom
05-03-2000, 01:19 PM
When I saw the thread title, I thought you meant that romantically :o In which case it'd be Chewy, of course. Worf talks too much. Fightwise, I'd also have to go with the Wookiee.

Morris the Cat vs. the Fancy Feast Persian

Catrandom

Squee
05-03-2000, 01:21 PM
Howz' about Pac Man vs. Dig Dug?

Easy! Dig Dug would stick a hose up Pac Man's ass and inflate him till he popped like a zit! :)

Dragwyr
05-03-2000, 01:30 PM
Morris the Cat vs. the Fancy Feast Persian

Catrandom


Definately the Fancy Feast Persian! Morris the Cat was just too lazy in my opinion.

How about Ray Stevens VS. Wierd Al Yankovich?

Trion
05-03-2000, 01:38 PM
Cleaning up a little:

Snuggles the Softener Bear vs. Poppin' Fresh?

Poppin' Fresh bakes the Bear

Ray Stevens VS. Wierd Al Yankovich?

Ray just isn't focused enough. Weird Al.

The Tidy-Bowl Man vs. The Scrubbing Bubbles?

SwimmingRiddles
05-03-2000, 01:43 PM
Scubbing Bubbles. They were really militant. (I actually bought some, because of the scrubbing bubbles. Sucessful advertising at work!)

Morris the Cat always had a cynical-slacker-but-also-Judo-expert kind of feel. Besides, Fancy Feast Persian would be too afraid of bending a whisker.

Weird Al would just confuse Ray until he had opportunity to attack. Al.

The Bloodhound Gang (the TV show, not the band) vs. The Ghostwriter Gang.

Inky-
05-03-2000, 01:57 PM
I think The Bloodhound Gang would be at a serious disadventage against Ghostwriter --an entity who cannot be sinply explained away via junior high science.

So as long as the Ghostwriter gang steers away from traps which can be easily foiled by knowlage about electromagnets, pinhole cameras or water tension, they've got it in the bag.

Bill Gates Vs. a jar of chiggers.

Demo
05-03-2000, 02:55 PM
Bill Gates Vs. a jar of chiggers

Who knows? But I'd sure like to see THAT! ;)

psycat90
05-03-2000, 03:10 PM
Scrubbing Bubbles would kick the sh*t out of Tidy-Bowl Man.(hehe), But, Mr Clean on the other hand, would wipe the floor with all of 'em.

soulsling
05-03-2000, 03:18 PM
chewy
snap, crackle and pop
dig dug
poppin fresh
fancy persian

how 'bouts:
R2D2 vs. V.I.N.CENT from the Black Hole?

Dragwyr
05-03-2000, 03:35 PM
how 'bouts:
R2D2 vs. V.I.N.CENT from the Black Hole?


R2D2. He's simply more resourceful.


Snoopy VS Lassie

struuter
05-03-2000, 03:38 PM
Inky--
Yikes! I got into trouble for that last one! I laughed so hard at the jar of chiggers that somebody came out and asked what I was working on that was so funny. My money's on the chiggers...even though, according to the Onion, Bill Gates has elevated himself to 20th level magic user...I guess you had to read it.

What about Herman Munster vs. Gomez Addams?

Billdo
05-03-2000, 03:42 PM
Snoopy v. Lassie

The Red Barron would shoot Lassie right out of the sky

Herman Munster v. Gomez Addams

The Herm's got major size on Gomez, but Addams is a lot quicker and more agile. Addams by a decision.

How 'bout: Dr. Pepper v. Mr. Pibb

Daniel
05-03-2000, 03:44 PM
Herman Munster would feed Gomez to whatever lived under the stairs.

I'm ignoring the Pepper vs Pibb one b/c I don't like either; they'd probably just corrode their own cans and spill into the gutter before the fight started.

Hong Kong Phooey vs. Goku

Inky-
05-03-2000, 04:16 PM
R2D2 vs. V.I.N.CENT from the Black Hole?


Back up, was V.I.N.CENT the red saw-wielding thing, the red and silver R2-D2 clone, or the beat-up robotic hayseed?

My money is on R2 either way, he's sorta' the robotic equivilent of a swiss army knife.

saucy potato
05-03-2000, 04:21 PM
Hong Kong Phooey vs. Goku? I don't know either, but I'll take a guess and bet on the former. Sounds bigger.

Data vs. the T1000

Inky-
05-03-2000, 04:37 PM
Data vs. the T1000



Okay, if this battle was waged in the Star Trek universe, Data would win, probably by modifying a Tri-Corder (sp?) and a toaster oven (the Star Trek universe seems prone to technology driven plot contrivences).

If this battle is waged in the gritty James Cameron universe Data would still win, but he'd probably get cut in half in the process.

Godzilla Vs. the entire population of Wisconsin

teela brown
05-03-2000, 04:59 PM
The pop. of Wisconsin. They would feed all the cheese in the state to Godzilla, and he'd spend such a long time in the can that the referee would call it a forfeit.

Chmee vs. The Hindmost.

Demo
05-03-2000, 05:12 PM
Re: Mr Pibb & Dr Pepper.

According to the Rocky movies, the one with the best theme song always wins the fight. Therefore, Dr Pepper wins by default.

WTF is a chee and hindmost?

brittainy
05-03-2000, 05:45 PM
Even though I am a big Chewy supporter. I would have to say Worf becuas Chewy just seems too nice, and for some strange I feel I know him personally from seeing the movies. Weird huh? Anyways! Besides Worf has that Clingon battle stuff in him, you can't mess with that.

dwtno
05-03-2000, 05:48 PM
Chmee vs. The Hindmost.

Well, The Hindmost, of course. Always bet on the Puppeteer. 'Nuff said.

dwtno
05-03-2000, 05:50 PM
And to add my own challange...

Herb or Les?

phouka
05-03-2000, 06:10 PM
Les is way more vicious than Herb. He'd make him cry like a little girl.

Hmm . . .

Josie and the Pussycats vs. Captain Caveman and his trio of girlies.

Occam
05-03-2000, 07:47 PM
I don't know who Les or Herb are...so.

The Goodhumor man VS. "Da' Cookie Man" (delivery guy for Nabisco)

Irishman
05-03-2000, 08:19 PM
Catrandom... ::Chortle:: "Romantically" ::chortle:: Gee, would that be doggie style?

Inky, V.I.N.CENT was the gray robot (new, not beat up).

CAPTAIN CAAVEMAAAAN!!!!! He's got that club, and he's not hampered by civilization.

Okay, Muppets, or Fraggles?

(Damn, this thread is funny!)

Quadzilla
05-03-2000, 08:32 PM
Okay, Muppets, or Fraggles?

Oh, man - definitely the Muppets. The Fraggles are 1)too small, and 2)Miss Piggy would take care of all of them. If Animal didn't get to the Doozer Sticks and demoralize the little buggers first.

So...Monty Python vs. Red Dwarf?

soulsling
05-03-2000, 08:53 PM
So...Monty Python vs. Red Dwarf?


tough one, gotta say monty, way more resourceful then the crew of red dwarf. better imaginations.

inky: v.i.n.cent was the r2d2 like one, new, with the attached laser blasters that beat S.T.A.R. the humanoid sharpshooter.

Koffing
05-03-2000, 08:57 PM
Chewbacca vs. Worf: Chewie's got reach, mass, and experience. Gotta give it to the Wookie.

Taz vs. Roadrunner: The Roadrunner would dust Taz in a straight race. If they're fighting, Taz would eventually land a blow, and the bird would be through.

Poppin' Fresh vs. Toucan Sam: This is a toughie. PF probably doesn't have much strength, and he's one big pressure point, but I have the feeling that TS has a glass beak. PF would win after a long bout due to his doughy resilience. PF beats Snuggles for the same reason.

Keebler Elves vs. Snap, Crackle, and Pop: Users are losers, and that Crackle is a stoner if I ever saw one (take a look at him sometime!). This combined both with the fact that the other two are a band leader and a chef and the advantage of numbers, the Keebler Elves win a pyrrhic victory; Crackle devoured their entire stock to satisfy his munchies!

Einstein vs. Feinman: Feinman would cheat and take the day.

Big Bird vs. Captain Kangaroo: Big Bird would use his superior reach to get a hold on the Captain, and, then, it's time for the Zangeif moves. FINAL... ATOMIC... BUSTAH!

Pac-Man vs. Dig Dug: Dig Dug has trained his entire life in taking out round devourers. Pac-Man is inflated and popped!

Morris vs. Fancy Feast Persian: Morris's aura of sheer bitterness and cynicism alone would drive that candy-assed Persian to tears.

Ty-D-Bol Man vs. Scrubbing Bubbles: The Bubbles are MIGHTY! Their might coupled with their internal combustion engines would spell defeat for the tiny man in the tiny boat.

R2-D2 vs. V.I.N.CENT: Anyone who's seen the Star Wars movies knows that R2 is a right bastard (my theory on why they don't translate his dialogue). Vinny's a little too proper. He has the advantage of flight, but R2 would bring him down with a little of that taser action or the flight mode hinted at in the Phantom Menace Art Book. R2 takes it.

Snoopy vs. Lassie: Snoopy has two advantages: superior technology (the Sopwith Camel) and opposable thumbs. A few strafing runs, and Lassie's running home to Timmy.

Herman Muenster vs. Gomez Addams: It'd be a close one, but Gomez's high Warfare beats out Herman's superior Strength.

Dr Pepper vs. Mr. Pibb: Unknown to Dr Pepper, Mr. Pibb is secretly his brother Rex Pepper who ran away when he was but a boy only to secretly take the secret identity of the masked soda Mr. Pibb. Pibb drops Pepper with a gut punch when Pepper inquires a little too closely.

Hong Kong Phooey vs. Goku: Hong Kong Phooey is tough (especially with his cat's help), but he can't stand up to a power level of... 10,000!? But that's impossible!

Data vs. T-1000: Data had nookie with Tasha Yar. This elevates him to a level of cool that the T-1000 can't touch. Data dismisses him.

Chmeee vs. Hindmost: The Hindmost would win somehow. The leader of the most paranoid race in Known Space would have contingency plan upon contingency plan.

Herb vs. Les: Les would trap Herb behind an invisible wall marked off by masking tape. The disoriented Herb would be easy prey for Les's cutting wit. Fly, turkey, fly!

Josie and the Pussycats vs. Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels: Little did you know that the Pussycats and the Teen Angels are one and the same. Captain Caveman would add Josie to his group, bringing in a much-needed redhead to what would then be known as the Josie, Captain Caveman, and the Teen Pussycats Action Hour.

Whew!

Okay, Smurfs vs. Snorks vs. Monchichi in a Royal Rumble?

Lexicon
05-03-2000, 11:20 PM
Chewie would tap a keg of whoop ass on that whiny Klingon bitch.

Road Runner is a fast motherfu-shet yo mouf! He would defintiely dust Taz.

Martha Stewart would kick some ass. Under that bullshit smile is a ruthless high-tone bitch in an Eldorado.

Mr. Ed. Come on, man, he's a horse.

Poppin' fresh, every time. He's dough, so I imagine he would have some T1000 like properties. I bet he could form some pretty bad ass weapons out of his doughy ass if provoked.

The Keeblers would definitely take those rice crispy sissies. For one thing, there's more of them, and another thing is they're not human. They're elves. None of them were ever in the band or a chef. Everyone know that those guys are panty-waists... (a big ass disclaimer here, it' a joke, don't get your undies ruffled.)

Feynman would beat Einstein like a wild eyed mule. Just think about it, Einstein was a bitch. Smart as hell, but weak.

Big Bird was such a pussy. Captain Kangaroo, pedophile pot-head closet S&M freak that he was would definite get medievil on his feathery yellow ass.

Dig-Dug was the man, and pac-man was a smiley face. Dig Dug would crack Paccy on his big yellow headpiece with his big ass shovel and knock his ass out cold. Then he would be free to pearl harbor his unconscious foe.

Once again, poppin' fresh would reign victorious over that sissy mary flit boy snuggle.

Morris would get his bitch smacked up by that catty persian.

Weird al would kick the shit out of Ray WWF style, because Stone Cold said so. Then Marvin Gaye would come up and kick his ass. He'd get it on.

R2 all the way, the force is strong with him.

It was a tough call, but I think that Snoopy would come out on top, literally. He was smoove, and Lassie would definitely end up giving it up if he wore his smoking jacket.

I think Gomez would kick some ass. I don't know why.

Mr. Pibb could take Dr. Pepper, but the doc is rich enough to hire legions of terror to crush the Pibb. Just what the doctor ordered.

T1000 vs. Data? Do you even need to ask? T1000 would slice and dice Data like a juice tiger.

Godzilla Vs. the entire population of Wisconsin. We should be so lucky... You saw what s/he did to Tokyo and New York right? Wisconsin would be toast.

Whew! Now that I answered all the previous ones, I can ask one of my own...

The Rumple Minze chic (complete with polar bear) VS. Shannon Doherty?

Persephone
05-03-2000, 11:38 PM
Gotta go with Chewie. I love Worf, but he is just no match for Chewie's size & strength.

Here's a few:
[list]
Blue from Blue's Clues vs. Elmo from Sesame Street
Don Imus vs. Howard Stern
UncleBeer vs. WallyM7

Sorry. Couldn't resist that last one.

SingleDad
05-03-2000, 11:42 PM
{hijack}
Immortalized in the board game, The Creature that Ate Sheboygan. I actually played it once; The creature was killed by the courageous and resourceful residents of Sheboygan.
{/hijack}

Jophiel
05-03-2000, 11:45 PM
For the definitive answer on Chewbacca v. Worf:
http://www.thefunniest.com/grudge/History/chew-worf.html

MagicalSilverKey
05-04-2000, 12:30 AM
Triple Threat Brain Match:
Cecil Adams vs David Feldman vs Marilyn Vos Savant
my bet = Cecil, of course. I see flashes of the movie "Scanners" here, on Dave & Marilyn's behalf.

Anchor Match:
Tom Brokaw vs. Dan Rather
my bet = Dan Rather. The dude's got a 'tude.

Metal Match:
Rob Zombie vs Marilyn Manson
my bet = Rob Zombie. Marilyn creeps me out, but Rob is undead.

WIGGUM
05-04-2000, 07:17 AM
Zombie would tear out a few more of Manson's ribs in just shy of 5 seconds.

Next on the prizefighting ticket:

John Wayne vs. a Carton of Pall Mall's

O.J. Simpson vs. Puck from the Real World

The Wasssssuuuuuuuuuupp? guy from the Bud commercials vs. Clara Peller of "Where's the beef?" fame in an electrified-steel-cage-grudge-match of the Catch Phrase stars.

G.B.H. Hornswoggler
05-04-2000, 07:36 AM
The Duke never saw a pack of smokes he couldn't kill; he gets that one.

O.J.'s already demonstrated he's willing and able to kill weedy obnoxious hangers-on, but he'd have to spend a few years afterward looking for "the real killers."

Clara Peller's lung-power is enough to stun a rhino in its tracks, which would give her plenty of time to get to the Bud guy (on her spindly, old-lady legs) and stab him to death with a spork.

Next: G.I. Joe vs. Thundercats

Yankee Blue
05-04-2000, 09:17 AM
OP: Chewbacca, by a KO, no question.

GI Joe vs the Thundercats - are we talking Kung fu grip here? Gotta goe with Joe, they have the arms race won on that one.

next: Xena, Warrior Princess vs. Wonder Woman

lachesis
05-04-2000, 09:31 AM
umph. a little handicapped here, since i never actually watched any G.I. Joe. (admission by omission, there :o )

hmm. both sides fighting for truth, justice and the Amer....uh, that is, right. well, while G.I. Joe and company probably sport all kinds of kick-ass hardware and weaponry, my money's gotta be on the Thundercats. they have nine lives, n'est pas?

next up:

Frank Black vs. Ezekiel Stone

(yeah, i know--all hell breaks loose if either loses)
:p

Rosebud
05-04-2000, 09:55 AM
Xena, in a close decision based on the superiority of her wardrobe.

Freakish Little Pepsi girl vs. Freakish Little Welch's Grape Juice Girl-- or both of them vs. the Olsen twins.

Esprix
05-04-2000, 09:57 AM
Nope - Worf all the way. Chewbacca may have mass and reach, but we all know that Worf knows Klingon hand-to-hand battle techniques better than anyone, and since that so closely resembles eastern martial arts, and we all know that martial arts does not depend on mass or reach, but rather on wits, direction of power and chi, Worf will let Chewie wear himself out for a while lunging and swatting, and when he's tired, take him down. At least, that's the way I see it.

Next up: Picard vs. Janeway. Both have hand-to-hand experience, both weigh about the same, both can be fiesty bitches. Discuss. :D

Esprix

Quadzilla
05-04-2000, 10:12 AM
Picard vs. Janeway...

I'm going for Janeway in this one. She's tough, and she doesn't have the Borg-ish tendencies to overcome in times of stress. :)

Here's a kicker: Spam vs. Treet? (Or, Hormel vs. Armour?)

struuter
05-04-2000, 11:01 AM
Okay...took some thought. I think the annoying grape juice girl takes the pepsi kid. Despite extensive use of voice overs, pepsi just doesn't have the "Bad Seed" thing going like the g.j. kid. She's TOO cute--it's creepy. As for the Olsen twins? There's a line to take them out. No chance.

How about the Brady Bunch vs. Eight is Enough?
or another tag team? Mrs. Paul's, Aunt Jemima, and Little Debbie vs. Betty Crocker, Mrs. Smith and the Gerber's baby?

Moe
05-04-2000, 11:28 AM
This thread is hilarious. I'll leave all previous questions alone since they all seem to have been answered, and quite thoroughly at that for the most part.

How about:

young frankenstein vs. young einstein

Zaphod Beeblebrox vs. Dirk Gently

Voltron vs. the transformers vs. the Gobots

Inky-
05-04-2000, 11:40 AM
Spam vs. Treet? (Or, Hormel vs. Armour?)


Okay, I'm going with the dark horse in this race and saying "Treet" who's underdog position can be used to forge an alliance with the other two seasoned pork remnant products "Prem" and "Hammette".

Together this potted meat juggernaught will overwelm the Spam empire.

Okay, time for a triple-threat tag team match:

The Three Stooges
The Three Tenors
or
The Three Wise Men

Moe
05-04-2000, 11:56 AM
I'm going with the 3 stooges believe it or not. Why? Well, the 3 tenors ARE huge, that's true; and the 3 wise men are wise. But what can you possibly do to the 3 stooges? They've been punched, burned, hit with heavy hammers and mallets, have had they eyes severly poked. Let's face it, they are invincible.

WIGGUM
05-04-2000, 12:39 PM
If by the "Three Wise Men" you mean Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, and Jose Cuervo, I gotta go with them. They're enough to knock anyone out, and give them one hell of a hangover.

Next card:

Al Gore vs. The robots from Battlestar Gallactica

Go!

Inky-
05-04-2000, 01:01 PM
You know those robots from Battlestar Galactica (Cyclons?) were at a real disadvantage, what with that nutty back and forth ping pong ball eye think happening. It just had to make drawing a bead a real challange (they never did manage to hit Starbuck as I recall).

Demo
05-04-2000, 01:04 PM
re: "Voltron vs. the Transformers vs. the Gobots"

Well, first off, the Gobots were a cheap imitation of the Transformers, so they're out. I'd have to go with Voltron on this because of his mighty, flaming sword of death. That, and well, he just looks so cool with those glowing, unfeeling eyes.

Demo
05-04-2000, 01:08 PM
re: "Voltron vs. the Transformers vs. the Gobots"

Well, first off, the Gobots were a cheap imitation of the Transformers, so they're out. I'd have to go with Voltron on this because of his mighty, flaming sword of death. That, and well, he just looks so cool with those glowing, unfeeling eyes.

How about the Sleestaks(Land of the Lost) vs the crew of the Love Boat?

Demo
05-04-2000, 01:09 PM
re: "Voltron vs. the Transformers vs. the Gobots"

Well, first off, the Gobots were a cheap imitation of the Transformers, so they're out. I'd have to go with Voltron on this because of his mighty, flaming sword of death. That, and well, he just looks so cool with those glowing, unfeeling eyes.

How about the Sleestaks(Land of the Lost) vs the crew of the Love Boat?

Demo
05-04-2000, 01:25 PM
Crap. Sorry. While I'm here, just let me reiterate my vote for Chewie. That Klingon fighting crap does NOT equal martial arts. Anyway, Worf is too soft from hanging out with humans. He's lost his edge.

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 01:39 PM
Al Gore would short-circuit the Cylons' logic chips by falsely claiming that he invented interstellar travel, then drive them away by soliciting campaign donations. The ones remaining would then be shot by Secret Service snipers.

WIGGUM
05-04-2000, 01:43 PM
I gotta go with Stubing's crew on that one. The fight would begin with the "Staks" making that menacing serpantine hiss while walking slowly, arms outstretched towards "The Crew".

At this point, things heat up. Stubing's pissed, and he takes off his hat, and blinds the Staks with the glare off of his big bald melon. This is when Isaac comes in and just goes medievel on them by administering blow after blow of his "Hey! How ya doin'" greeting fingers. Finally, being the Love Machine that he is, Doc Bricker comes in to finish the boys off by anally raping them to death. Vicki and Gopher don't even break a sweat.


Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Nell Carter

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 01:50 PM
Nell Carter comes out swinging. She hits on of those really high notes, which stuns Leo. He blindly swings at her, but his blows glance ineffectually off her like Mr. Burns taking a swing at Homer. She then makes him cry by telling him he has the body of a nine-year old girl, picks him up, and breaks him like a twig over her knee.

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 02:07 PM
How about Ross Perot vs. Strom Thurmond?

SwimmingRiddles
05-04-2000, 02:21 PM
Ross. Definately. Besides the fact that he's like 20 years younger, he always has that flip chart pointer. And he'd probably hire someone to take Thurman out when no one was looking.

Barbie vs. Skipper

Billdo
05-04-2000, 02:27 PM
Ross Perot v. Strom Thurmond

You would think that Perot would win. He's tougher, stringier, and just plain nastier (and compared to Strom, that's a lot). But I'm betting on Strom. After all of these years I don't think that there's anything on anyone that can take him out, much less a paranoid Texan.

My political matchup (in a knock-down, drag-out, eye-gouging, one-on-one physical battle, as opposed to the knock-down, drag-out, eye-gouging, one-on-one political battle we New Yorkers are going to get):

Hillary Clinton v. Rudy Giuliani

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 02:46 PM
Barbie vs. Skipper
Barbie tries to grab Skipper by the hooters, but her hands close on air, as there is nothing much to grab. Meanwhile, Skipper bends Barbie's leg backwards, and from it emits a sickening CRACKCRACKCRACK. Thinking she's won, Skipper jumps up and does a victory dance.

Unbeknownst to her, Barbie has risen up, her leg joints akimbo. Skipper turns around, surprised. Barbie says, "My legs are meant to do that!" She subsequently pops Skipper's head off, and lets the family poodle chew on it.

Hillary vs. Rudy
Simple. Hillary sits Rudy down and tells him the truth about what happened to Vince Foster. He bolts, screaming like a baby.

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 03:00 PM
How about:

The Brat Pack vs. The Rat Pack

Pearl Jam vs. Pearl Bailey

or

Lenny Kravitz vs. Lenny from "Of Mice and Men" vs. Lenny Bruce (three-way free-for-all)

(assuming of course that the dead ones were still alive; or still dead, if you want to get creative)

Esprix
05-04-2000, 03:24 PM
Kosh #2 ("Evil Kosh," the second Vorlon ambassador from "Babylon 5") vs. Darth Vader.

Both in cumbersome environmental suits, both with awesome mental powers, both with some kind of agenda, both kinda nasty when provoked.

Discuss. ;)

Esprix

Moe
05-04-2000, 03:40 PM
How about:

Lenny Kravitz vs. Lenny from "Of Mice and Men" vs. Lenny Bruce (three-way free-for-all)

(assuming of course that the dead ones were still alive; or still dead, if you want to get creative)


Lenny Kravitz is a peace lovin pacifist of a rock n roll guy, I don't think he has the fight in him. Lenny (OM&M) is of course the obvious choice if you believe might is right.
However, I, for the most part believe in mind over matter and Lenny Bruce would most certainly outwit Lenny (probably with the old "your socks are untied" diversion). Of course, If Lenny could just get a hand on either one, it's all over.

OK Archie comics fans:
Betty vs. Veronica

Sealemon88
05-04-2000, 03:56 PM
Crap. Sorry. While I'm here, just let me reiterate my vote for Chewie. That Klingon fighting crap does NOT equal martial arts. Anyway, Worf is too soft from hanging out with humans. He's lost his edge.

And Chewie really keeps in shape hanging out with the Ewoks, huh? Work does know fighting skills. He's the second best fighter on the Enterprise (A close second behind robot-boy Data). It would be close, but worf would use various Akido techniques to break Chewies arms, negating his strength and reach advantages. Then he'd bash Chewies face in with his forehead lobster.

Votron vs. The Transformers? Depends. If the original series, then Voltron. If it's the transformers from the movie, well, then, you have to remember the one transformer that was a freakin' planet. Transformers.

Wonder Woman vs. Xena. Wonder Woman can fight superman to a stand still. Wonder Woman.

Darth Vader vs. Evil Kosh. Darth is faster, has mind powers equal to the Vorlon, and has a light saber. He'd open Kosh up like his own personal can of whoop ass.

Here's a couple: Obi Won vs. Dracula.

Underdog vs. Mighty Mouse.

Flash Gordon vs. Buck Rogers.

Kiss vs. a kabuki(sp?) troupe.

Demo
05-04-2000, 04:12 PM
Underdog vs. Mighty Mouse.

Mighty Mouse can fly around holding a house on his outstretched index finger. Underdog can fly and crack jokes. - Mighty Mouse

Flash Gordon vs. Buck Rogers.

In a one on one, Flash would win. But Buck's got that little robot Twikki(sp?) who's always going "Beedeebeedee" That annoying sound would unnerve Flash and Buck would take him out with a cheesy, fake-ass karate-kick.

Kiss vs. a kabuki(sp?) troupe.

You'd think Kiss, but wait... Kiss would comeout running with knives and chains until they became perplexed by the inane acting and motions of the kabuki troupe. The kabuki-ers would mezmerize Kiss with their endless, abstract acting until Kiss became so bored and numb that they commit sepeku to end the pain.

Sealemon88
05-04-2000, 04:53 PM
Alrighty, then how about

Underdog (On his Super Energy Pill) vs. Scooby Doo (on a Scooby snack) vs. Popeye (on a spinach hit)? Steel cage, Texas Strap Rules.

Also: The Babylon 5 station vs. the Battlestar Galactica.

Rocks vs. scissors vs. paper.

Crown Prince of Irony
05-04-2000, 05:13 PM
Underdog (On his Super Energy Pill) vs. Scooby Doo (on a Scooby snack) vs. Popeye (on a spinach hit)? Steel cage, Texas Strap Rules.

Well, the Scooby Snack really just makes scooby faster, not much else, and in a cage there's nowhere to go, so he's toast. So it just leaves Underdog and Popeye. Is Olive Oyl around to bash a big jar on Underdog's head just when he's got Popeye cornered? If not, Popeye's screwed.

How about the Greatest American Hero, and KITT? (KITT Katt. Heeheehee. I hope someone got that.)

Demo
05-04-2000, 05:47 PM
Rocks vs. scissors vs. paper.

I've always felt that rock should win everytime. From what I understand, the concept is that the paper wraps around the rock, right? How does this equal defeat of rock? I never did feel that was right. And what's with the chant of "Ro Sham Bo!"??? Is this really a way of summoning a demon? Scary, if you ask me... Anyway, rock gets my vote.

missbunny
05-04-2000, 05:58 PM
Ted Koppel vs. Howdy Doody (don't they look like twins?)

Interesting how almost nobody has addressed Bill Gates vs. a jar of chiggers. Or havethey ... and is Big Brother watching?

Anyway, I think Bill Gates IS a chigger, so the jarful would probably just welcome their long-lost cousin, at which point the entire colony would proceed with Bill's agenda of total world domination.

jab1
05-04-2000, 05:59 PM
Speed Racer vs. Knight Rider vs. Viper?

Bill Nye the Science Guy vs. Beakman?

Kevin Sorbo Hercules vs. Steve Reeves Hercules? (BTW, Steve Reeves passed away this week.)

Disney's Tarzan vs. Johnny Weismuller Tarzan?

George Reeves Superman vs. Christopher Reeve Superman vs. Dean Cain Superman? (No wheelchair jokes, please)

Justice League vs. The Avengers. (They were going to do this, but DC and Marvel couldn't agree on a script. I've seen some of George Perez's art and it would have looked good, anyway.)

Data vs C3PO.

This is one of the funniest threads I've ever read. Maybe, after it's played out, we should email it to Celebrity Deathmatch?

Demo
05-04-2000, 06:01 PM
Obi Won vs. Dracula.

Good question! I've been pondering this for a while, since it is such a good match up. OK, so Dracula has lightning fast reflexes, the strength of ten men and can shape shift. Obi Wan has a lightsaber, due to the force, he can "sense" Dracula and "feel" when and where his attacks are coming. I see a long feud. Years and years of one hunting the other, coming into contact every now and then, and battling like the dickens. I see Dracula getting a death grip on Oci Wan and sucking his blood almost to the point of death, and then Obi Wan chopping off Dracula's arm with his lightsaber. Because of this, Dracula goes into a long torpor to regenerate the arm and re-emerges fully healed.

In the end, Obi, or his protoge(sp?) will defeat Dracula, because that's the way these things go. Light overcoming darkness, etc...


So, hows about Chicken Noodle Soup vs. Grilled Cheese Sandwhich?

Demo
05-04-2000, 06:19 PM
Anyway, I think Bill Gates IS a chigger

ROFLMAO missbunny!!!

Jab1, I love this thread! It really is a hoot!

Christopher Reeves will always be Superman to me. Steve Reeves was just too frumpy and straight. And he was flabby and his Superman tights showed his gut! eewww! The new kid is just a total loser, no charisma whatsoever. Christopher, OTOH, had it all: Good looks(great eyes, great smile and great hair), his tights fit him properly, he had a great sense of humor, could look nerdy and clumsy or dashing and studly, he spoke well as far as enunciation and emphasis, plus, he flew around the world really fast to reverse time-that's just cool!

So, I give it to Chris on this one.


How about Anne Rice vs. Stephen King?

jab1
05-04-2000, 06:50 PM
George Reeves was Superman.

Steve Reeves was Hercules.

They were not related.

Look at the early B&W episodes of George as Superman. He was very lean and trim and looked the part. It was in the later color episodes where he got flabby.

TRIVIA NOTE: Red and blue do not look "right" in black-and-white. So George's costume in the B&W episodes was actually dark brown (for the red parts) and grey (for the blue) and white (for the yellow).

teela brown
05-04-2000, 07:03 PM
Looking at it from a sodium content point of view, the chicken noodle soup has that sandwich salted.


Bender v. Dr. Zoidberg

Demo
05-04-2000, 07:35 PM
Whoops! Sorry about that. Nevertheless, Superman should never get fat! I'm sticking with my man Christopher on this one. ;)

psycat90
05-04-2000, 08:03 PM
Anne Rice Vs. Stephen King

gotta go with Anne, one bout of PMS is all it takes.



How bout these?

Betty Crocker vs. Aunt Jemima

Tom Jones vs Wayne Newton

Felix vs Garfield

Rainbow Brite vs Strawberry Shortcake

Lexicon
05-04-2000, 08:05 PM
Ooh Ooh, I have one!

Are you ready?

Satan VS. Drain Bead.

Who do you think would win?

jab1
05-04-2000, 09:00 PM
Garfield vs. Fat Albert vs Baby Huey in an eating contest.

soulsling
05-04-2000, 09:31 PM
david vs. gumby!

in a cage...

no holds barred!

Demo
05-04-2000, 10:14 PM
Betty Crocker vs. Aunt Jemima

Aunt Jemima would most definitely lay the smackdown on Betty's ass.

Tom Jones vs Wayne Newton

They both need to die, hopefully they'd destroy each other.

Felix vs Garfield

Are you kidding!!! Felix would bust out his bag of tricks and waste that fat ass Garfield.

Rainbow Brite vs Strawberry Shortcake

I do believe RB has "special powers". SS can only bake and sing. I figure they'd dance around for a while until the Care Bears showed up and ate them both.

Satan VS. Drain Bead.

I'm not even going there! ;)

Garfield vs. Fat Albert vs Baby Huey in an eating contest.

Baby Huey is a wuss, he'd wimp out quick. If no dirty stuff were involved, Garfield would win, but I think in the eating melee Fat Al might accidentally eat Garfield.

[quote] david vs. gumby!

in a cage...

no holds barred![\quote]

Gumby would jump into a book of military warfare and roll out in a big ass tank, squishing David under the treads. Oh no!

G.B.H. Hornswoggler
05-05-2000, 08:26 AM
Speed Racer vs. Knight Rider vs. Viper?

Spped Racer, because Pops would talk so fast everyone else's heads would explode. And everybody knows the Mach 5 is the fastest car there is!

Bill Nye the Science Guy vs. Beakman?
Does Beakman get that little ratty sidekick of his? If so, he gets an edge. But I still think Bill Nye's stronger knowledge of science (and pointy chin) would vanquish them. But Mr. Wizard could blow them both up without breaking a sweat.

Kevin Sorbo Hercules vs. Steve Reeves Hercules?
Turns into a posing contest instantly. Then Lou Ferrigno, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Reg Park, Kirk Morris, Alan Steel, Mark Forest, Mickey Hargitay, Dan Vadis, and Gordon Scott demand a piece of the action. With so much sweat in the air, all succum to testosterone poisoning. Disney's Hercules wins by default.

Disney's Tarzan vs. Johnny Weismuller Tarzan?
Johhny rips his arms off and stuffs them down his throat in 2.3 seconds. So the animators redraw him. Fast forward six hours, Johnny finally get winded, so Disney boy grabs him and scrapes his face off using him as a tree-surfboard.

George Reeves Superman vs. Christopher Reeve Superman vs. Dean Cain Superman?
Dean worries about his hair, Chris worries if the camera's showing his good side, and George pummels them both senseless. Then Chris wines and cries until George lets him go, and he spins the Earth backward to try again. He still gets beat up.

Justice League vs. The Avengers.
They both get too confused just trying to figure out where in continuity the story is. "Iron Man? Are you a white guy or a black one in there?" "Is Superman just late, or is not a member anymore?" "What the hell is Vibe doing here?" They all go to a bar and swap war stories, none of which they can really remember because history has changed too many times.

Data vs C3PO.
Hm. Data is possibly the only being that C3PO could not bore to death. But I don't see Data beating up on the gold geek, either. I think they sit down for a long long talk that would make the brains run out the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to listen in. (Add Marvin the Paranoid Android to that crew and you'd really have a party!)


OK, now let's do:

Maggie Thatcher vs. Tony Blair
Ronald Reagan (either senile or not) vs. Bill Clinton
Heckle & Jeckle vs. Chip & Dale

Esprix
05-05-2000, 08:31 AM
[QUOTE]The Babylon 5 station vs. the Battlestar Galactica.[/quit]

B5 - they have Ivanova. She'd kick Lorne Green's ass. ;)

Esprix

Crown Prince of Irony
05-05-2000, 10:05 AM
Tom Jones vs Wayne Newton

Depends. Would they be in Branson MO, or Las Vegas? If they're in Branson, Wayne Newton has performed there more, and would have the audience on his side. After one verse of "It's Not Unusual" the audience would be jeering Tom Jones for being a 50-year old man still wearing leather pants, and he would be run out of town on a rail.

In Vegas, however, both would lose. In the middle of the Wayne and Tom showdown, Seigfried and Roy show up, and their big cats eat both Tom and Wayne, then turn on Seigfried and Roy, not for mistreating them, but just on general principles.

Then the big cats hit the Circus Circus for an all-you-can-eat slot player buffet.

jab1
05-05-2000, 06:26 PM
The Power Puff Girls vs. Sailor Moon.

Demo
05-05-2000, 08:00 PM
My unscientific analysis: I'd have to go with Sailor Moon on principle, Jab. I mean, come on! She's a hottie! ;)

AtomicDog
07-01-2000, 02:45 PM
I've got one. Jim Fowler or Steve Irwin?

fnord1966
07-01-2000, 03:09 PM
The Olsen twins are just pure EVIL. So, techically acording to the laws of good Vs. evil, they would have to loose, but only after mortally wounding the grape juice girl. Then her partner would become so distraught over the loss of her lover she whould drink poison, only to see that the grape juice girl was really just passed out, then she wakes up and finds that the pepsi chick is dead so takes the pitchfork from Mary Kate and jams it into her chest ending it all saving the world from terror.

I can only hope.

Up next : Jean Claude Van Damme and Stehpen Segall VS.
Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

casdave
07-02-2000, 05:25 AM
Maggie Thatcher vs Tony Blair

Now why would they want to fight ?

Ouch! that hurt!

casdave
07-02-2000, 05:27 AM
Chewbacca v Worf

Worf, ask the Jem-Hadar, Worf cannot be defeated.

Cricket vs Baseball ?

Zaphod Beeblebrox
07-02-2000, 01:24 PM
Zaphod Beeblebrox vs. Dirk Gently

Aw, come on!!! I'd kick his detective ass in a... oh. You mean the characters? Same result. Zaphod's got 3 arms, and all Gently has is a shaky relation to Thor. Zaphod could put him in a reverse armbar and punch him on his (previously broken) nose with his free arm.


Mr. Rogers VS Pee Wee Herman (assuming it hasn't been discussed... I'm starting to forget).

dragonlady
07-02-2000, 02:07 PM
Here's what I want to know:
Smurfs vs Munchkins......

SSgtBaloo
07-02-2000, 02:18 PM
Well, pretty much, any way. Have a look at this:

The Comic Book Universe Battles! (http://www.electricferret.com/battle/)

Three of my favorites: Predator v.s. Roadrunner (http://www.electricferret.com/fights/runroses.htm)

Scooby Doo Gang v.s. Hellraiser (http://www.electricferret.com/fights/puzzle.htm)

Keebler Elves vs. Rice Krispy Elves (http://www.electricferret.com/fights/elves.htm)

~~Baloo

nashiitashii
07-02-2000, 07:14 PM
chewbacca all the way.

dewt
07-02-2000, 08:20 PM
Chewie. Without a doubt. All yoiu gotta do is watch a lot of Star Trek and you'd note that in almost every significant altercation, Worf gets his butt kicked in. I've often wondered if his only purpose on the show was to show how tough the aliens were by having them kick Worfs butt. Then I realized that he's the ship stud too.

dewt

JuanDeCuba
07-02-2000, 09:36 PM
The Power Puff Girls vs. Sailor Moon.



What about Powerpuff Girl Blossom vs. Mayim Balik?

OP: Definitely Worf.