Colinmarshall...a word?

[Freudian Slit]

Soooo....ladies of the SDMB. It seems Colinmarshall is at an impasse. One of us could boldly go where no human with an x chromosome has ventured...get him laid and maybe shut him the fuck up. With that in mind, I start my first pit thread. Can you believe it? I've been here through all these posts, and I've just always been too lazy to pit an actual doper.

But wow. It's like you, Colin, wrote the manual on Pitting People for Dummies. I don't even have to convince myself of how you suck. All I really have to do is hit the search button over and over again. What I'd like to know is are you the proverbial pimply teen (TM) just over his "girls are icky" stage, trying to catch up with his more suave peers...or are you just the proverbial undatable loser?

How does he like HIS women? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=208281)

Say I meet a breathtakingly attractive girl with a stunning personality and she's interested in me. However, if I find out that she's had any previous sexual experience (intercourse or otherwise), she instantly drops from my radar. I, literally, have never been able to "get it up" for what I have come to refer to as "used women," and nobody I've ever dated has been in any way "used" before I came into the picture.

...same way he likes his condoms, under-garments, and his kleenex...(go through a lot of those?)

I just found this one of the more creepy quotes.

So...as to getting you laid. Tried a personal yet? Desperately seeking a girl who:
doesn't wear platform sandals (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=223412)

knows that the fundamentals to a relationship involve tweezers and a buttload of Nair (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=234651)

looks gorgeous and is cool enough not to show up her guy (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=234653)

lacks any sense of self-worth... (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=217785)

Oh yeah, and hasn't been touched by anyone else (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=208281)

Any girl who passes your test has probably been fucked over by life so many times as to make your last criterion null and void. Do you require a doormat or just an automaton?

[Lord Ashtar]

Wow. How did I never notice this guy before?

[iampunha]

The beauty of this, Zoggie, is that this way Colinmarshall can truthfully say he has never been rejected by a girl for a date, a fuck, the gross national product of Tibet, whatever.

There, simply put, exists no person on this Earth (or what portion of it he can search, should he have the desire to do so) who meets those criteria. It is a "perfect" defense mechanism, and by perfect I basically mean that he will never be rejected but he will also never be accepted.

More to the point, should he ever actually find some human being who has never had a sexual experience (and where do you draw the line between playing and sexual playing? Oral? Handjob? Heavy petting? Inquiring minds...), he will be able to use her to bolster his obviously lacking self-esteem. He'll be walking around with someone who (until she acquires a spine and/or a brain) will feel lucky to be around him and with whom he will luck much better. She won't mind being used ... hell, she probably won't *feel* used because she won't recognize Colinmarshall for what he is: a pathetic loser who sets his standards so high (and simultaneously so low) that nobody can possibly ever reach them.

Oh, and the reason he can't get it up for a "used" woman? Well, duh ... if you know you're going to be pathetic compared to even a housebroken hyena, wouldn't that sorta deflate YOUR condom?

Once you go non-Colin, you never go callin' for Colin.

[Cervaise]

You missed a couple, Zoggie. He also dislikes feminists (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=221813) and, perhaps unsurprisingly, drag queens (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=223451) (by implication). Of course, he's also shown himself to be a clueless overgeneralizing dork (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=234653) when it comes to relationship questions.

Conclusion: Garden-variety dumbass; will mature into career misogynist. On the plus side, his obnoxiousness will be instantly identifiable to any woman he approaches who actually has two brain cells, and he'll eventually die alone and afraid. On the down side, he exists.

Pay him no further mind.

[Mirror Image egamI rorriM]

He wants a girl who has never even been kissed by another guy before.

I wonder how many girls he's actually gone out with?

[Guinastasia]

Actually, there wouldn't be a need for feminism in this day and age...if it weren't for assholes like him! :dubious:

I remember that virgin thread. It really disgusted me, and made me wanna go out and sleep with every male I came across just to make myself totally and completely unattractive to him!

[iampunha]

He wants a girl who has never even been kissed by another guy before.

I wonder how many girls he's actually gone out with?

Oh ... I wouldn't think on it too long now...

[iampunha]

I remember that virgin thread. It really disgusted me, and made me wanna go out and sleep with every male I came across just to make myself totally and completely unattractive to him!

I'm guessing Goran Visnic and Noah Wylie's agents left promising messages on your machine?;)

BTW, my guess is that by virtue of so much as kissing me you're too used for his requirements. OTOH, if ever there were someone worthy of the inexperience, lack of desire and unwillingness to cohabitate in the wedding night bed brought on by those famed 76 virgins...

[robertliguori]

I remember that virgin thread. It really disgusted me, and made me wanna go out and sleep with every male I came across just to make myself totally and completely unattractive to him!

[slicks down hair, checks breath]

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Collinmarshall is a misogynistic shmuck. I think he's looking for excuses not to date women.

Is anyone else getting a ping on the gaydar?

[robertliguori]

Collinmarshall is a misogynistic shmuck. I think he's looking for excuses not to date women.

Is anyone else getting a ping on the gaydar?

I'm getting slut/madonna complex myself. IANG, but isn't marketed disinterest in women more common than massive complexes to aviod them?

Of course, he could just be in denial, and be painting a picture of a perfect woman so he doesn't think about who else he's attracted to.

[Algorithm]

He could just be a jerk.

[Ilsa_Lund]

I remember that virgin thread. It really disgusted me, and made me wanna go out and sleep with every male I came across just to make myself totally and completely unattractive to him!

Wuh, hey! Okay!

[Giraffe]

I, literally, have never been able to "get it up" for what I have come to refer to as "used women," and nobody I've ever dated has been in any way "used" before I came into the picture.(emphasis mine)

Am I reading this wrong, or is it completely contradictory? "I've literally never been able to get it up for used women. Also, I've never dated any used women." Maybe he's just literally never been able to get it up, full stop. It would explain his strict insistence on only dating women with absolutely no previous experience of any kind:

"No, baby, it's supposed to be small and limp like that. That's just what a penis looks like."

[Cervaise]

"No, baby, it's supposed to be small and limp like that. That's just what a penis looks like.""Now put down the Colorforms and get over here. You can have some applesauce after."

[yosemite]

I always thought that some of his "preferences" made him sound worthy of pity. To have so many hang-ups—sad, really. Being like that sounds like it must be very tough.

[Fish]

"Now put down the Colorforms and get over here. You can have some applesauce after."
May I politely request you replace Colorforms with Shrinky Dinks? :p

[Algorithm]

"No, baby, it's supposed to be small and limp like that. That's just what a penis looks like."
__________________
A giraffe's tongue is 18 inches long and prehensile.
For some reason, this had me laughing.

[Typo Negative]

He's right about the platform sandals, though. They ARE ugly.

[Guinastasia]

makes a note to buy platform sandals and learn to play the balalaika

There, I'm doing all I can!

You know, I just thought of something-maybe he's really, really insecure about his performance, so to speak, and so he thinks if he only goes with virgins, they won't have anyone to compare him too?

Or else he's an ass.

[yosemite]

I'll admit, I haven't followed everything that ColinMarshall has written, but what I take away from his posts is that this is sad. That he's mostly punishing himself with his attitudes and hangups. For instance, as he gets older, he's going to find it really, really difficult to find "unused" women in his age range. So isn't it more regrettable more than anything else to have such a strange restriction?

I don't yet feel any need to bash him or get pissed at him. (But then again, I haven't read all his posts.) As far as I can see, he's not hurting me a bit. No skin off my nose, or anyone else here that I can see. I just think that he's got a future full of heartache ahead of him, and I'm sorry for that.

[iampunha]

You know, I just thought of something-maybe he's really, really insecure about his performance, so to speak, and so he thinks if he only goes with virgins, they won't have anyone to compare him too?

Coulda sworn I said something just like this, but maybe I only meant to post it and didn't actually type it...

[Quartz]

One of us could boldly go where no human with an x chromosome has ventured...get him laid

Failing that, I'm available. :D

[Freudian Slit]

I guess I do feel pretty sorry for the guy. If every time he has a hang-up, he has to post it on an anonymous board to justify it, he can't be having much luck...

Each of his threads individually kind of annoyed me, but when you realize it's the same guy posting nothing but "help me rationalize another one of my bizarre standards"...it just becomes creepy.

[Quartz]

Failing that, I'm available. :D

Just to be clear, I'm talking about ladies having sex with me! :cool:

[UnwrittenNocturne]

Okay so the guy is a misogynistic (and probably completely misanthropic) asshat. It is not that he has standards but rather that he has a complete lack of respect for human beings. I hesitate to say 'fellow human beings' as his posts would seem to indicate a complete lack of human qualities.

Perhaps he would prefer all women behind the burqa. Afabulous way of saying that women are nothing more than sex objects who are not allowed sex :rolleyes:

Used huh? Such a wonderful term.