Sexual Frequency: How often do you do it?

[Bongmaster]

Just curious about the frequency of sex in adult couples living together, married or not. Of course I have found that the longer you are together the less often sex seems to happen. I've been living with someone for about a year and I find sex happens about every three days. Does that seem like too much or too little? How often do you have sex with your SO?

[don't ask]

Every few.....I'll be back soon

[np_complete]

Well, since we're not in IMHO yet, I'll hold off on the original question, but according to my copy of "Sex in America: A Definitive Survey" by Michael, Gagnon, Laumann, and Kolata (a large scale survey of sexual practices), Nonmarried, cohabiting men reported the following frequency statistics:


[code block to preserve spacing]
Not at all_________________0%
A few times per year_______8%
A few times per month_____36%
2 or 3 times per week_____40%
4 or more times per week__16%


Clearly having sex every third day falls within the "2 or 3 times per week" category, which puts you in the largest single group.

[Bongmaster]

Well, since we're not in IMHO yet, I'll hold off on the original question, but according to my copy of "Sex in America: A Definitive Survey" by Michael, Gagnon, Laumann, and Kolata (a large scale survey of sexual practices), Nonmarried, cohabiting men reported the following frequency statistics:


[code block to preserve spacing]
Not at all_________________0%
A few times per year_______8%
A few times per month_____36%
2 or 3 times per week_____40%
4 or more times per week__16%


Clearly having sex every third day falls within the "2 or 3 times per week" category, which puts you in the largest single group.

Whew...now, can someone please explain this to my SO? ;)

[WILLASS]

I have been with my SO for nearly two years and we have sex every night unless there is something to stop us (staying at someone elses house for example) but you have to bear in mind that I only see her for two weeks of the month although i'd like to think it will continue to be a nightly occurence when we move in together.

[Survey1215]

Pre-wedding - 4-5 times per week, and occasional bonus oral.

Post-wedding - 4-5 times per month. Oral? What is oral? Please God, someone tell me about oral!

Reasons for the changes:

1. I've gone from being in decent shape to having a bit of a gut, so maybe I'm not 'sexy' anymore. :(

2. All the pre-wedding sex led to the SO having a banged up cervix which is still very sensitive, putting her on the DL from time to time, often for two or three week stretches. Even when the going is good, position choice is limited - doggy style is out, her on top is out (which is terrrrrrrrrrrrrrible, b/c I love that), her ankles around my ears and stomping the pedal to the firewall is out.

3. I have no idea what the hell happened to the oral, but she has decided she no longer likes giving or receiving. Perhaps my abilities are lacking. Or maybe extra good oral is some dirty chick trick to get a guy hooked, to be stopped at some post-commitment juncture. :mad:

btw, we dated for five years and have been married for four.

And WILLASS, we did that long distance thing for a few years - if you think you'll be hittin it every night if/when you get to see her all the time, boy are you in for a major, major surprise.

[Rashak Mani]

Even when you don't marry you still get less sex than before. Especially if your going steady for 3-5 years !

hehe... reminds me of the infamous joke:

Mom and kid go into a Drugstore and he asks:

"Whats that mommy?"
"Those are condoms"
"Why do they come in different size packages ?"

"Well... the 3 pack is for teenagers. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
The 6 pack is for College Students, Monday to Saturday."

"What about the 12 pack mommy ?"

"Well ... that's for the married couples... January, February, March, April..."

[WILLASS]

And WILLASS, we did that <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=long distance&v=55">long distance</a> thing for a few years - if you think you'll be hittin it every night if/when you get to see her all the <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=time&v=55">time</a>, boy are you in for a major, major surprise.

Jesus man, don't tell me that! Maybe I should make her sign some sort of contract before I move in guaranteeing me a certain amount of head per week? Only kidding, my SO is a demon in the sack so more than likely it will be me that asks for time out.

[Bongmaster]

Jesus man, don't tell me that! Maybe I should make her sign some sort of contract before I move in guaranteeing me a certain amount of head per week? Only kidding, my SO is a demon in the sack so more than likely it will be me that asks for time out.

Thats what happened to me. She wants it every night, I'm content 2x a week. I thought maybe since I am getting older (31 now) its just a lack of the proper hormones or something...looks like I'm about average though.

[Chefguy]

Pre-marriage 12 months: daily, with "extras"
Post-marriage: Has gradually tapered off after 11 years to once or twice a week, but the "extras" are still there, bless her heart. :)

[DeaganTheWolf]

Been with My S.O. for nearly a year now, and long distance for part of that time. We average twice a day with occasional extras if she's in the mood, (which is often :) ) and as long as she's not sore. :( We most likely are the exception to the rule but the frequency has not changed at all due to distance.

[ski]

Thats what happened to me. She wants it every night, I'm content 2x a week. I thought maybe since I am getting older (31 now) its just a lack of the proper hormones or something...looks like I'm about average though.

Whew, I thought I was the only one. My girlfriend would have sex multiple times a day if we could. I would be happy with just a few times a week. We both just turned 30, so she's on the upward swing of hormones, while I'm on the downward swing I suppose.

[Fiddle Peghead]

Survey1215, I swore I would never do this, and I am quite frankly a bit tired of posters who do it, but I simply cannot resist:

"Bonus Oral" - great band name!

[SkeptiJess]

I'm gonna screw up your sample:

pre-marriage -- 2 or 3 times a day

post marriage -- 1 or 2 times a day

We've been together almost 19 years and married almost 18.

[Hampshire]

Reminds me of one of my favorite cartoons.
A couple during their marrige ceremony at the altar both with thought balloons over their heads:

Him: Great! Now we can have sex all the time!

Her: Great! Now we don't have to have sex all the time!

[Zaphod7]

hmm well my ex and i this happened to, we were "happy" moved in together and the sex life died. just happens im afraind.

But my current gf and i started out strong had a down period (my fault was depressed)

but now are back to every night except last night cause we both got a little sunburnt.
i would say we are at at least 4- 5 per week now but occassionally have quiet periods of 2 or 3 times only.

Zaphod

[Zaphod7]

hmm well my ex and i this happened to, we were "happy" moved in together and the sex life died. just happens im afraind.

But my current gf and i started out strong had a down period (my fault was depressed)

but now are back to every night except last night cause we both got a little sunburnt.
i would say we are at at least 4- 5 per week now but occassionally have quiet periods of 2 or 3 times only.

Zaphod


forgot to mention we have lived together for about 1 year now.

[DrMatrix]

General Questions is for questions with factual answerws. IMHO is for polls.

Off to IMHO.

DrMatrix - GQ Moderator

[Nvme77]

Before marriage- 4-5 times a week.

After marriage- 2 or 3 times a month- and that's a bounty.

As the wife- I have gained weight, started taking Paxil which is terrible to my sex drive and I have gotten tired of initiating.

My husband- is probably tired, hates having a beluga whale flopping onto him and probably has more fun on his own, ahem.

I miss sex. :(

[Toddly]

I always favor quality over quantity but when the kids arrive and as the responsibilites grow the sexual sessions become less frequent. After 20 years or so we average about 2 times per week.

[Soapbox Monkey]

I was just wondering, is the eventual decline in the frequency of sex due to age, or due to how long the relationship has been going on.

For example, say two people get together when they are 25, and have sex on a daily basis. When they reach 30, they rarely have sex anymore. If they break up, will their libidos "reset," resulting in them having sex on a daily basis once again with their next partner?

[wakimika]

I'm gonna screw up your sample:

pre-marriage -- 2 or 3 times a day

post marriage -- 1 or 2 times a day

We've been together almost 19 years and married almost 18.

Typing rabbits. :eek:

[Glory]

For example, say two people get together when they are 25, and have sex on a daily basis. When they reach 30, they rarely have sex anymore. If they break up, will their libidos "reset," resulting in them having sex on a daily basis once again with their next partner?

I would say that would be biology. Nature doesn't necessarily want us to be monogamous. It wants us out there, spreading the genes around.

[ShibbOleth]

Age generally affects libido (willingness, ability, or both) to different degrees for both sexes. The old canard is that 15-18 year old males are in their "sexual prime" and 30-35 year old women are also in their sexual prime (I could be off by a couple of years on those ages). So almost as soon as many men start getting some they are in the beginning of a long, steady decline. The rate of descent is going to depend on the man (and perhaps a bit on his partner). For women, perhaps they should drop their husbands around 30 and start dating high school guys, at least in terms of perfect sexual compatibility. Everyone's mileage will vary on this, but that's the bell curve. Of course, in some cases frequency can give way to quality and perhaps duration. I'm sure Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc., will throw off the curve.

[Hokkaido Brit]

Pre-marriage - hard to judge as we lived apart but whenever we could get it!
Post-marriage (tenyears on) - once or twice a month at most but he is away on average half the month and home very late on the days he is here. Add in complete exhaustion on both our parts and two boys who migrate to our bed every night, and the logistics of the thing are more than either of us can be bothered with.

Sad innit? We are still good friends though, and when we do get it together we enjoy it!

When I was young, I had a friend in her 60's who had five children and were pillars of the local community. We went on a trip together and one one evening ended up chatting till late in the night. I was bemoaning current boyfriend's inability to cuddle without it leading to a bonking session, and she immediately chimed in with her agreement. So, seeing as we were confiding, I asked her at 65 or so years old, how often they did it. "Oh well, when we were young we were at it like rabbits but now the frequency has gone right down and we only do it four or five nights a week."

EEEK! Changed my views of them forever, in fact I still can't look at him (now in his late 70's) without wondering what he was up to last night!

So the joy can last, you know....

[Malacandra]

Shib, your argument, even if tongue-in-cheek, depends on the supposition that it's the hormonally-declining man who's applying the brakes. In my experience, it ain't necessarily so. We're managing two or three times a month, with nothing at all for the last six months of last year, and none of that has been my decision.

Before marriage? She wanted to wear white for her wedding. Also, the idea of oral turned her off (giving, at any rate). That which was left... maybe once or twice a week. So yes, there was room for it to get worse. :rolleyes:

[bonezzz]

It was more often like I imagine everyone is at first, but about two years of marriage into it and I'd say we are two or three times a week. Not that the desire isn't there, its those other nagging things in life like work schedules and school for me, making time and energy rather limited. More would be better but sometimes you just have to make the best of what you have. And oral most definitely had better not die off!

[plnnr]

I'm 39, my wife is 48. We've been seeing each other more or less exlusively for 4 years, and have been married for 4 months. The frequency has remained about the same (we actually tracked it for a month). On average, we have sex (hot, sweaty, marathon, wall shaking sex) - 1 time per day (as many as 5, and a brief stretch of two weeks where we had none (with each other)).

[Bongmaster]

You guys and gals that do it almost every night...how is that possible!? Do you feel a strong desire or is it more out of habit? Physically I could do it I think, but mentally I just don't want it every night. I don't think I ever wanted it every night, even when I was in my late teens.

[Deadly Nightlight]

Roughly every other day, I could do it everyday, but I have a high sex drive. My poor hubby is content with every other day, so I guess it works for me too :D

[jellytoes]

During the semester, 1-2 times a week (weekends, mainly). During breaks 3-4 times a week. This does not include the oral which is 2 times a week for him, but none for me :( . I've been hinting, I've moved on to nagging and I might get to bitching soon. But I don't think that will improve my chances.

We are both in our mid-twenties, been together a year and living together for about 7 months. Keep in mind that we are both on anti-depressants which (funny enough) depresses the sex drive. Pre-Paxil it was more like once a day, school or not.

[tanookie]

My husband and I have been together 13 years and married 7 1/2.

Our frequency varies on a monthly cycle. We spend three weeks making up for the week I am more or less out of service.

I will say that the quantity we enjoyed when we were younger has given way to some serious quality improvements over time with us being more comfortable with each other and our own bodies. I know what I like more now than when I was 19 and I am more confident telling him that now than I was at 19.

My ideal frequency is every other day, but we've learned to take advantage of whatever opportunities we can. Besides - having too much of a schedule makes things seem like work.

[moi]

I think I have a fairly high sex drive, but life often gets in the way. My partner works construction, so he's often tired or sore. I've also gained weight, which probably puts both of us off some. Finally, due to circumstances beyond our control, we've been living apart for a bit and have yet to get back into the swing of living together.

I would say we have sex every three days, though sometimes it varies wildly.

[DeaganTheWolf]

How do we do it? it's more like how do we NOT do it! We both have strong sex drives and aren't afraid or embarassed to act on them. We both are almost always up to getting in the mood even if we weren't before. It's a sort of loving openess to each others' needs. In fact it's quite RARE for us to be so tired, sad, etc that we Can't get in the mood. Sex is good for what ail's ya!

[Honey]

I was married for 14 years and the average was 4-5 times per week. I'm now with someone I love and the average is 5-6 times per week. I'm a 40 year-old, hetero, female if that matters.

[nashiitashii]

Been with My S.O. for nearly a year now, and long distance for part of that time. We average twice a day with occasional extras if she's in the mood, (which is often :) ) and as long as she's not sore. :( We most likely are the exception to the rule but the frequency has not changed at all due to distance.
Being the other half of this couple, I'd say that we pretty much are an exception to the rule. The average of 2x per day is about right, because we normally start out with 3 or 4 times per day for the first couple of days together, then taper off to 1 or 2 per day with extras. The only big hindrances to this are A) visiting his mother's house and B) me being too sore to go ahead anyway.
How do we do it? it's more like how do we NOT do it! We both have strong sex drives and aren't afraid or embarassed to act on them. We both are almost always up to getting in the mood even if we weren't before. It's a sort of loving openess to each others' needs. In fact it's quite RARE for us to be so tired, sad, etc. that we Can't get in the mood. Sex is good for what ails ya!
Another part of it is that our sex drives are quite compatible. It's rare that one of us wants sex more than the other, and, well, during this long distance portion of the relationship, I end up on a serotonin high for most of the visits we have due to all the sex. Better than chocolate, and a good source of exercise! ::grins::

[Really Not All That Bright]

The last SO and I did it at least twice a day; we averaged about four times a day, I'd say. Of course, we're college kids, so we had lots of extra time for that kind of thing.

Oh, and I never would have said "bonus oral"- it was pretty much guaranteed preceeding the main event :)

<sigh> When you consider how much I used to get, the current one-year self-imposed celibate period should really make you feel for me...

[buttonjockey308]

We are talking about having sex with other people, right?

[CrazyCatLady]

This does not include the oral which is 2 times a week for him, but none for me :( . I've been hinting, I've moved on to nagging and I might get to bitching soon. But I don't think that will improve my chances.

Have you tried stopping? Declaring a moratorium on blowjobs until he reciprocates would probably be a lot more effective than nagging or bitching.

As for us...it's something like 2-3 times a month. We're almost never home at the same time, and when we are, one or both of us is usually exhausted.

[Really Not All That Bright]

We are talking about having sex with other people, right?

If your SO is a horse or goat, I imagine you can still participate.

If you meant your hand, there's a couple other threads for you ;)

[tanookie]

I don't think our long distance relationship people are necessarily an exception to any rule. If you see your partner one week a month and have sex every day during that week you're not having sex every single day of your life - just every day you are together. That's a little different.

When I was not living with my partner we had sex every day we got together but I wouldn't count that as having sex every day.

[Bongmaster]

The last SO and I did it at least twice a day; we averaged about four times a day, I'd say. Of course, we're college kids, so we had lots of extra time for that kind of thing.

Oh, and I never would have said "bonus oral"- it was pretty much guaranteed preceeding the main event :)

<sigh> When you consider how much I used to get, the current one-year self-imposed celibate period should really make you feel for me...


Bwahhh!? How is this even physically possible for a man? I've had one night in my life when I was 19...did it three times over the evening/next morning. I can tell you though, the third time was a stretch. And I was 19 keep in mind. And it was shortly after my first time so I had all my prepubescent repressed fantasies driving me. How an adult can manage 4x a night on any kind of a regular basis blows me away.

[WILLASS]

In a similar situation to the one described [Bongmaster[/i] I used to shag at every oppurtunity...........I think I could have gone non-stop for at least 2 weeks. ;)

[Götterfunken]

My goodness, after reading these posts, I'm starting to feel severely undersexed.

I've been with my SO for almost six years now. On average, I'd say we have sex about once every other week or so. Our frequency was naturally higher when we first started dating, but she's always had a lower sex drive than I do. Furthermore, she's usually feeling too stressed about work and other responsibilities to relax and enjoy sex (sex doesn't work as a stress-reducer for her).

I don't consider my libido to be particularly high, although I'd prefer to make love more often--I'd be pretty happy with 2-3 times a week. I was never able to handle the once-a-day frequency, even when I was 19. I feel exhausted just imagining the idea!

[FilmGeek]

Ardred and I just celebrated our second year (dating). When we first got together, I wanted sex all the time. He wasn't so keen on the idea, because it wears him out. We had sex (on average) once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Now it's more like once or twice a month. When we rent porn, it's much more often (once at night, sleep, in the morning then maybe later that afternoon) because if we're going to pay money to get turned on, we're getting our $5 worth. :D

I'm 25 and I only lost my virginity three years ago, so I'm still fully experimenting and quite gung ho. He's 29 (though we both say he's 22, it makes him feel better) and winding down his teenage/twenties libido. Knowing this, I save up my sex allotment for special days (our anniversary, valentine's day, my birthday and so on).

I'm wondering as an ancillary question, for those of you who don't do it as much as you might like (because of your partner's diminished libido, distance, etc) how often do you masturbate?

I masturbate once or twice a week depending on how stressful my week has been (less in stressy weeks because sleep is so much more attractive).

[nashiitashii]

I don't think our long distance relationship people are necessarily an exception to any rule. If you see your partner one week a month and have sex every day during that week you're not having sex every single day of your life - just every day you are together. That's a little different.


Well, the quote that Deagan had given was pretty accurate for both when we were in the same area and when we aren't. When we started dating in the same area, we may have only seen each other twice or thrice a week, but we had sex at least four times during each time we saw each other. It averages out to somewhere in the "2x per day" category, which is all I claimed.

[Oregon sunshine]

my so and i have lived together for a year, and we do it about once every three days.

but i want it twice a day! waahhhhh! :(

jess you are so lucky!!

[bittersweet]

Not often enough...that's all there is to it. :(

[Bongmaster]

Have you tried stopping? Declaring a moratorium on blowjobs until he reciprocates would probably be a lot more effective than nagging or bitching.

As for us...it's something like 2-3 times a month. We're almost never home at the same time, and when we are, one or both of us is usually exhausted.

Strange how some guys love it another others are reluctant. I fall into the love it category, I'm more than happy to return the favor. Just tell him up front, if he won't then you won't. Tell him you need it to get in the mood.

[Montgomery Burns]

My wife and I have been married almost 20 years and we average about 3 times per month. We never did it a lot earlier in our marriage, but it was more like 6-7 times a month then. There are months now we may have sex only once.

I'd like it more often but my wife doesn't seem very interested in it. She initiates it only 3-4 times per year, which makes it kind of hard for me to start things because I'm never really sure if she is willing or not. And while she seems to really enjoy receiving oral sex, shes not quite so keen on giving it.

Interestingly, on a short vacation last week we did it 3 times in one day, so I guess it can still happen if the situation is right.

[Really Not All That Bright]

Bwahhh!? How is this even physically possible for a man? I've had one night in my life when I was 19...did it three times over the evening/next morning. I can tell you though, the third time was a stretch. And I was 19 keep in mind. And it was shortly after my first time so I had all my prepubescent repressed fantasies driving me. How an adult can manage 4x a night on any kind of a regular basis blows me away.

It ain't like I can keep that kind of pace with any girl; I was deeply in love with this one, and she was a) drop-dead gorgeous, and b) extremely good at rekindling my interest no matter how exhausted I might have been.

That said, your wording suggests to me what you're doing wrong... "4x a night on a regular basis". We'd start when we woke up and spend all day in bed. For a little while we had an orgasm contest going- ie. which would of us could get the other off most in a given period, which certainly didn't hurt as far as raw numbers went.