"Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!"

[Muad'Dib]

I was leaving work tonight, sometime around 11:00 pm, when I heard this. I work at one of the finest hotels in Sacramento California, aww heck, I'll just say it, I work at the Hyatt Regency (it is where das Governator is currently living). I was leaving work, walking down one of the back halls, when I heard someone yell:

"WOOOOO!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!"

I do not know who said this. I do not know why.
I do not know if it was the punchline to a joke. I do not know if it was happening just then and he wanted to brag.

I just know what I heard, and that it was among the most surreal moments of my life.

(Posted here because of cursing)

[Ephemera]

Was it said in a thick Austrian accent?

[asomihite]

Damn!! It's cool that you used the word "surreal" to describe this experience. A friend of mine and me were talkin about surreal experiences the other day and he tried to say that to be surreal, the event had to be something that seriously impacted and possibly totally changed your life. I said "hell no it doesn't." A thread on surreal experiences might be kinda cool. I'm too tired to start it now though.

[Silver Serpentine]

Ah. I see you've had an encounter with the elusive Lithuanian Ninja.

[Silver Serpentine]

Oh yeah.

And I think "surreal" means something so strange as to be dream-like (you know how wonky dreams are). Not like-changing. Pfffft.

I could look it up, but I'm laaaaaaazy.

[htns]

I was leaving work tonight, sometime around 11:00 pm, when I heard this. I work at one of the finest hotels in Sacramento California, aww heck, I'll just say it, I work at the Hyatt Regency (it is where das Governator is currently living). I was leaving work, walking down one of the back halls, when I heard someone yell:

"WOOOOO!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!"

I do not know who said this. I do not know why.
I do not know if it was the punchline to a joke. I do not know if it was happening just then and he wanted to brag.

I just know what I heard, and that it was among the most surreal moments of my life.

(Posted here because of cursing)

That's hilarious! Thanks for making my morning!

[Casey1505]

If he had time to comment on his activities, he obviously wasn't giving his full attention to the task at hand.

[Philster]

Did you hear, "All your jerk belong to us?"

Because then it would have made a lot more sense.

[Horrifying Howler Monkey]

I would have pointed out how disturbing it was that he was thinking of fucking his mom while masturbating.

[Dante]

You should have shouted back "When done masturbating, bring pie!"

[WernhamHogg]

It's not really surreal, just weird and disgusting. Surreal would have to be not only weird and surprising, but "unreal" or (more properly) transcending what you believe to be real.

I wonder if surreal is the "ironic" of the new decade. I've heard it a lot lately.

[Chastain86]

Did he follow it up with "SNOOTCH TO THE NOOCH, YOU FAT FUCK!"

Because if he did, I might know who that is.

[The Flying Dutchman]

Was it a male or female voice? That would make a difference for me.

[Shodan]

Give him a break, he probably just learned how.

You know what they say - if masturbation offends you, just don't sit by me on the bus.

Regards,
Shodan

[Tony Montana]

It's not really surreal, just weird and disgusting. Surreal would have to be not only weird and surprising, but "unreal" or (more properly) transcending what you believe to be real.



Who's to say that it didn't trancend what he thought to be real?

[Knowed Out]

Dude, it's California. Something like that should be par for the course.

[Starving Artist]

Damn!! It's cool that you used the word "surreal" to describe this experience. A friend of mine and me were talkin about surreal experiences the other day and he tried to say that to be surreal, the event had to be something that seriously impacted and possibly totally changed your life. I said "hell no it doesn't." A thread on surreal experiences might be kinda cool. I'm too tired to start it now though.Could be your friend is thinking of an epiphany or a paradigm shift.

[Munch]

"If it wasn't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college."
-Overheard by Lewis Black

[MsRobyn]

You should have shouted back "When done masturbating, bring pie!"

I don't think I want pie from that guy.

Robin

[WernhamHogg]

Who's to say that it didn't trancend what he thought to be real?

Well, if you have to ask you don't really understand the meaning of "surreal." It's not just something shocking and unexpected, but "having the intense irrational reality of a dream." Hearing someone yell about masturbation is hardly "intensely irrational," it's just gross and weird.

I see the English language has lost another word. It can join "literally" and "ironic" in the afterlife of words that used to have meaning and now mean nothing at all.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Give him a break, he probably just learned how.



So, you're saying that the Governator did say it?

[vibrotronica]

Best. Thread title. Ever!

[Greathouse]

Did he follow it up with "SNOOTCH TO THE NOOCH, YOU FAT FUCK!"

Because if he did, I might know who that is.


Awsome! Fucking awsome! Now I have to explain to my coworkers what the hell was so funny. :D

[lightingtool]

Well, if you have to ask you don't really understand the meaning of "surreal." It's not just something shocking and unexpected, but "having the intense irrational reality of a dream." Hearing someone yell about masturbation is hardly "intensely irrational," it's just gross and weird.

I see the English language has lost another word. It can join "literally" and "ironic" in the afterlife of words that used to have meaning and now mean nothing at all.Dude, get off your high horse.* Do you wander around speaking 17th century English? Or do you use the language that has evolved since then? And even beyond that, I think you're wrong. I ambled over to dictionary.com (Whoops, I hope that's good enough for a language fundie like yourself) and found the first definition of surreal to be "Having qualities attributed to or associated with surrealism." So, I looked up surrealism: "A 20th-century literary and artistic movement that attempts to express the workings of the subconscious and is characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtaposition of subject matter." I would say hearing someone shouting the now famous line, "Whoooo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" while you're just trying to go home after getting off (heh) work fits that definition.


*Alternate readings for that line inlcude: "When come down from horse, bring pie." "Oh, that must be a 1920's style death horse you're on." and, of course, "All your high horse belong to us."

[Antigen]

If he had time to comment on his activities, he obviously wasn't giving his full attention to the task at hand.


Task at hand... heh heh.

:D

[WernhamHogg]

Dude, get off your high horse.* Do you wander around speaking 17th century English? Or do you use the language that has evolved since then? And even beyond that, I think you're wrong. I ambled over to dictionary.com (Whoops, I hope that's good enough for a language fundie like yourself) and found the first definition of surreal to be "Having qualities attributed to or associated with surrealism." So, I looked up surrealism: "A 20th-century literary and artistic movement that attempts to express the workings of the subconscious and is characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtaposition of subject matter." I would say hearing someone shouting the now famous line, "Whoooo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" while you're just trying to go home after getting off (heh) work fits that definition.


*Alternate readings for that line inlcude: "When come down from horse, bring pie." "Oh, that must be a 1920's style death horse you're on." and, of course, "All your high horse belong to us."

What's this about a high horse? I merely project that "surreal" will, like so many other words, have basically no meaning in the near future because it'll be used willy nilly to express anything, much like a few other words that have been recently reduced to mere syllables. I attribute no morals or ethics to the situation, perhaps a little disappointment.

[Astroboy14]

Dang! I didn't know I yelled that loudly enough for anyone to hear...

Sorry 'bout that, dude!

[Smeghead]

Only on the SDMB could a thread titled, "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" turn into a discussion on semantics.

[plnnr]

Maybe it was Salvador Dali's ghost - then you'd both be right. Or maybe Magritte - yeah, probably Magritte.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Well, if you have to ask you don't really understand the meaning of "surreal." It's not just something shocking and unexpected, but "having the intense irrational reality of a dream." Hearing someone yell about masturbation is hardly "intensely irrational," it's just gross and weird.

I see the English language has lost another word. It can join "literally" and "ironic" in the afterlife of words that used to have meaning and now mean nothing at all.
What if the phrase in question really was uttered by Arnold Schwarzeneggar, who has just been elected the governor of California? Would that not have the irrational reality of a dream?

I think the "surreality" of experience is somewhat subjective. It felt surreal to me (as if I was dreaming) when I got married and when my daughter was born but those are both perfectly ordinary experiences.

I don't the occasionally hyperbolic use of the term "surreal" is really on a par with the categorically incorrect use of the word "literally" in statements like "Watching the Passion was literally a kick in the stomach."

[blowero]

Was it said in a thick Austrian accent?
First, ve are allowing ze masturbating in der hotel room, zen it is license for marriage of same sex. Maybe ze next ting ees another city zat hands out licenses for assault weapons and someone else hands out die licenses for selling drugs, und dis und dat und tings of dis nature. I mean you can't do that.

[Philster]

Look, it's obviously tied to George Bush, the popularity of being gay and the Passion of the Christ.

I find it literally ironic on a surreal level that this could happen.

Either that or an ignorant SUV driver ran the dude over befor he could finish the word 'fucker'.

Bill O'reilly is behind all of this!

[Kalhoun]

I never thought I'd find a reason to relay this story, but damned if I didn't right here on the Straight Dope.

My ex and I were split up, but we were sharing a room at a boarding house. He was seriously involved with another woman and I was still in love with him ( :smack: ).

So, I'm locked out of the house and had to go in through the window. The ex is in bed, (heh) MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK! I walk in and catch him in the act. He tells me the new girlfriend is floozing around on him. :(

WOOOOO! I was getting even like a MOTHER FUCK!!!!

[Morbo]

Surreal would be if he followed it up with "GOTCHA YA!!!!"

[Lute Skywatcher]

I tried to post this earlier but the hamsters must have been on strike or something.

I once spent a couple of weeks in a mental health facility, this particular facility was in a renovated home and served as an alternative to hospitalization. One day, as I walked past an upstairs bathroom, I heard a voice say, "Oooh, it's so big!" in an obvious falsetto. I recognized the voice and nearly said, "Hey, Brendon, keep it down in there!"

[troub]

In other news, a man was arrested today on charges of distributing misleading phrasebooks to foreign travellers. . .

Poorly remember Monty Python sketch

[samclem]

So, you're upset with the person's verbal ejaculation, if I understand....

[MaxTheVool]

So what precisely was Hans "Yippy-kai-yay, Motherfuck" Gruber doing in Sacramento, anyhow?

[lieu]

Want some pie?

No thanks, I just Oedipus.

[Lobsang]

lieu I am cuming to associate you with sexual threads/posts.

[OpalCat]

I don't think I want pie from that guy.

Robin

It's the guy from that American Pie movie, isn't it!

[Morrigoon]

In other news, a man was arrested today on charges of distributing misleading phrasebooks to foreign travellers. . .

Poorly remember Monty Python sketch


All your hovercraft are belong to eels....

[Larry Mudd]

Masturbating like a motherfuck is not surreal.

That, my friend, clearly falls under the rubric of Dada.

Now, if he'd said "Whoo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE AN EXQUISITE CORPSE, I AM ALL OVER AMORPHOUS BLOBS, PROPPED UP BY CRUDE CRUTCHES, AND COVERED WITH ANTS! ANTS THAT LOOK LIKE TINY VAGINAS, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY!" that would be surreal.

[HDS]

Just wanted to say that while waiting on a customer yesterday I had a visual of Ah-nold doing just that while saying "mast-tah-bating lak a mudderfokk" and started giggling. He probably thought I had tampered with his order.

[cowgirl]

A friend once reported to me that a friend of hers boasted of having the skill of 'masturbating like a demon.'

(This was even more funny because she had forgotten that I knew the friend in question.)

Which led us to wonder ... first of all, who isn't good at masturbating? I mean, really.

Second, in what manner do demons masturbate, and how would she know?

So many questions ... !

[Kalhoun]

Want some pie?

No thanks, I just Oedipus.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

[Elza B]

Only on the SDMB could a thread titled, "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" turn into a discussion on semantics.


I'm covering for our receptionist today, and I swear to God, if I answer the phone one more time with "Good morning, *snuffle, snuffle, giggle, giggle* Company Name, *snort, giggle, snort*", I'm so going to get fired.

Ava

[luluBahrain]

I am just poking my head in (heheh, I said head and poking) to say hello to the only other Sacramento Doper I have ever seen. Hellooooooooooo

[tiny ham]

At least he comes when he calls.

[Shodan]

Masturbating like a motherfuck is not surreal.
This is correct.

It would only be surreal if it was heard in response to:

"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been six weeks since my last confession."


Regards,
Shodan

[Captain Carrot]

Only on the SDMB could a thread titled, "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" turn into a discussion on semantics.

Masturbating like a motherfuck is not surreal.

That, my friend, clearly falls under the rubric of Dada.

Now, if he'd said "Whoo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE AN EXQUISITE CORPSE, I AM ALL OVER AMORPHOUS BLOBS, PROPPED UP BY CRUDE CRUTCHES, AND COVERED WITH ANTS! ANTS THAT LOOK LIKE TINY VAGINAS, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY!" that would be surreal.

May I have these for a sig line?

[OneYogini]

FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm crying...

THANK YOU ALL!! :D

[gouda]

Burst out laughing three times - at work!! How on earth am I supposed to explain that to my boss?!

Even thinking about the thread title (esp. the "wooooo") gets me giggling!!

[pencilpusher]

Thanks guys. Now I have to explain to my hubby why there is coffee all over his desk and moniter! :p

[zephyrine]

So, you're upset with the person's verbal ejaculation, if I understand....
Beautiful.

[flickster]

hmmm sounds like he almost had a run-in with Pee Wee Herman.

[Polycarp]

What's this about a high horse? I merely project that "surreal" will, like so many other words, have basically no meaning in the near future because it'll be used willy nilly to express anything, much like a few other words that have been recently reduced to mere syllables. I attribute no morals or ethics to the situation, perhaps a little disappointment.

Ah, but was that high horse the one-trick pony, or the dead one which people continue to beat? And are these horses distinct? And which of them contains the Platonic essence of equineness?

::: scares self, leaves thread ::::

[stpauler]

Bolding mine:
(it is where das Governator is currently living).
I love how you've neutered Arnie :D

[Captain Carrot]

Bolding mine:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Muad'Dib
(it is where das Governator is currently living).

I love how you've neutered Arnie

Das may be neuter, but Governator (more accurately gubernator) is most definitely masculine.

Mr. Schwarzenneger is a bilingual hermaphrodite/eunuch, with two identical pairs of male genitalia-one works, one doesn't!

(Well, he is at least bilngual, but Latin probably isn't one of the languages he knows.)

[gluteus maximus]

Which led us to wonder ... first of all, who isn't good at masturbating? I mean, really.


I think this is a very important, if not surreal, question, and one that bears repeating:

Who among us is not good at masturbating?

Please don't be shy. Step right up and make your presence known.



Once again...



Anybody out there who can't get themselves off?


Wet dreams count! We're all surrealists here!

[Polycarp]

[QUOTE=dwalinMr. Schwarzenneger is a bilingual hermaphrodite/eunuch, with two identical pairs of male genitalia-one works, one doesn't!
[/QUOTE]

I understand that there are some videos about from early in his career that would disprove your assertion here. But, to assure that phantomdiver does not come after me with butcher knife and evil glare in eye, I will not suggest that you validate my assertion for yourself! ;)

[Mister Rik]

I just hope you didn't hear that line coming from the kitchen (assuming that the Hyatt Regency has a restaurant...)

[netscape 6]

This thread brings a smile to my face when ever I see it. You should make it a, for lack of better word, sticky:eek:

[Tentacle Monster]

Can't get the hang of masturbating? Do you spend hours banging away on your genitalia with nothing to show for it but a tired arm and a sore crotch?

Well, I have a solution. I have produced a series of videos showing you guys and gals fool-proof ways to choke your chicken or butter your muffin. My techniques are guaranteed to leave you satisfied in 20 minutes or less. Soon, you'll be able to tell your friends "Woooo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!"

After you're done with the first video, The Beginner's Guide To Beating Off, you can move on to Gadgetry for your Genitals, which shows you how you can use common household items, with a little modification, to lighten your load. Guys, you'll never think a watermelon and a model train transformer could feel so good. And you ladies, you'll actually look forward to doing the laundry with my little 'spin cycle' trick!

Just call 1-800-JACK-OFF. For twelve easy payments of 19.99, you may never have to date again! And these videos come with Tentacle Monster's guarantee: If you still can't have an orgasm after watching these videos, I'll come to your house and get you off myself!

Disclaimer: Tentacle Monster's guarantee only applies to women under the age of 50 who weigh less than 300 pounds. Schoolgirl uniform a plus.

[Captain Carrot]

Tentacle Monster, that was disgusting and hilarious.

BTW, I'm still waiting for sig line permission.

[Larry Mudd]

You're welcome to quote me any way you please, so long as you remember that there's a four line max for sigs. :p

[Captain Carrot]

Thank you, Larry. I always do remember the limit, but it's the thought that counts. Smeghead, still waiting for your okay.

[Smeghead]

Oh, yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.

[Chimpy]

Tentacle Monster that was brilliance

[Annie-Xmas]

TentacleMonster, I can just hear the sales pitch for that, with the background music of.......Beat It by Michael Jackson.

[Tentacle Monster]

*takes a bow*

[vasyachkin]

ur life must be pretty boring eh ?

[dantheman]

ur life must be pretty boring eh ?

Ja, very boring, jes. I cannot tell if I am getting head of myself.

[pencilpusher]

Dog I'd forgotten about THIS thread. Once again Mr.Pusher thinks his wife has lost it because she cannot stop giggling......... :D

[Shirley Ujest]

"If it wasn't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college."
-Overheard by Lewis Black



Horse porn.

" How was she?"

" Neigh bad."

[htns]

Bolding mine:

I love how you've neutered Arnie :D

Die Fueherin of California? :D

[vasyachkin]

Ja, very boring, jes. I cannot tell if I am getting head of myself.

i was referring to the op.

[Ranchoth]

Anyone remember the movie, The Longest Day?

Remember what Robert Mitchum says to the soldier who finally finds a weapon on Omaha beach?

I tell you, that is the exact sound clip that plays in my mind whenever I hear or read something like the phrase in the OP.

[Smeghead]

All this time later, I still periodically think to myself, "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" and chuckle quietly.

[chattywine]

What Smeghead said. Always makes me 'heh'. Thank you thank you thank you very much Muad'Dib

[dnooman]

The Regency must have a pretty explicit "menu" for their PPV porn. Either that or really good prices.

[RickJay]

And people complained about paying $5 for this. The SDMB's a bargain at ten times the price.

[Hamlet]

One thing that has been bugging me, in between bouts of laughter, is why Masturbating like a mother fuck? Are mother fucks better masturbaters than non-mother fucks?

I picture this:

Greek Chorus member #1: I'm not so sure I like the new king. Whassisname? Oedipus.

Greek Chorus member #2: Yeah. I'm not sure of his qualification, but my God can that man masturbate.

#1: Boy howdy, are you right. That mother fuck is the best masturbater in Thebes.

#2: Damn right he is. We're gonna kick Athen's Ass in next years MasturbatOlympics.

#1: Shit, I wish I could masturbate like a mother fuck.

[Clothahump]

You should have shouted back "When done masturbating, bring pie!"

But wash your hands first!

[Clothahump]

Guys, you'll never think a watermelon and a model train transformer could feel so good.


You are sick. Sick, I tell you. Sick.

Shit, I'm just jealous that I didn't come up with that line.

[Cat Whisperer]

Two questions:
Why does this thread keep coming back (heh)?
and
Why do I keep opening it?

Okay, three questions:
Aren't the "real" Olympics in Athens this summer? Thanks, Hamlet. I'm going to have that little scenario playing in my head any time I hear about the Athens Olympics now.

[FriarTed]

featherlou, it comes back because it's an immortal classic. We open it back up because we're pathetic. *L*

[Philster]

From The Onion, posted 6-16-2004

Mugger Can't Believe Crap Victim Has On MP3 Player

BOSTON—Following the successful mugging of a jogger in Franklin Park, petty criminal Derek Mesker announced Monday that he cannot believe the shit he's found on his victim's Philips 20GB MP3 player. "3 Doors Down? Maroon 5!" Mesker said, scrolling through the songs. "The new Counting Crows?! Man, I'm glad I pistol-whipped that motherfuck." Mesker added that the first thing he did was toss the device's "gay-ass" teal neoprene case.

[Shirley Ujest]

I have a confession.

Periodically, since this thread was released into the Doper Wild, I have had this utter compulsion to shout out at the most inopportune times (library, funeral, pap smear. in a grid lock.) this thread title. Just for grins and giggles. Cause it's just so funny.

[Chimpy]

Its risen again, any chance of another incredible line like this? or a post like Tentacle Monster's. I love this thread so much.

Ahem... Tentacle Monster any chance of getting my hands on those videos my... friend is having real trouble

[World Eater]

Did he follow it up with a "Vote Quimby!"?