For the last damn time I DON'T WANT YOUR BOOKS!

[Seven]

These fucks have called EVERYNIGHT for over a week. I've turned them down at least three times in the past few days, but STILL they continue to call.

I'm so tired of these telemarketers calling, and calling, and calling.... I thought it was time for them to meet "Mr Garland", my half-wit, retarded alter-ego. (She asked for a Mr Garland, so I just went with it.)

Little did this woman know within 5 mintues of this call, it would be on the internet (http://www.tictokmen.com/temp/mr_garland-booksale.mp3).

The weirdest part, for all she knew "Mr Garland" was really somewhat slow yet she still continued to badger him to say "yes".

[Seven]

I guess I should point out, that recording is legal. The state of Oregon allows recording of conversations as long as one party (being me) knows it is being recorded. The call center number of the telemarketer came from an Oregon areacode.

[Baraqiyal]

Dude, that’s hilarious.

[askeptic]

Not sure of the legal ramifications, but it was funny as shit. Unfortunately it sounds like you are going to get another call. I look forward to listening to it. I bet you can make it even better in fact you could make it a series. Who knows you might be able to syndicate it and recoup a little money for the time you spend. The part I enjoyed most is that you did not cuss yell berate etc. Good on you. :)

[Seven]

Thanks. It was quite fun. heh he

I think we learned an important lesson with this. Telemarketers can't close a sale on a dumb guy. If you say no, they can always try to convince you. If you say you don't understand, why can they really say? Not very much at the end of the day.

I think "I don't understand" is going to be Mr Garland's tag line. :D

[neuroman]

Sorry dude, good idea, but not that funny. Too much telemarketer talking, not enough of you making fun of the telemarketer. You achieved harassment of the telemarketer but stopped short of mindfuck. Best of luck in your continued efforts to screw with the bastards.

[MyFootsZZZ]

Sorry dude, good idea, but not that funny. Too much telemarketer talking, not enough of you making fun of the telemarketer. You achieved harassment of the telemarketer but stopped short of mindfuck. Best of luck in your continued efforts to screw with the bastards.

I agree, you would have fucked with her more.

[MyFootsZZZ]

I agree, you would have fucked with her more.

should have*

[Seven]

I'll go after them a bit more tomorrow. ;)

Perhaps Mr Garland will talk about how a backpack would make a nice hat during "pots and pans" time.

[Snooooopy]

You WANT my books.

Stop lying to yourself.

My books are awesome.

You KNOW you want my books.

[LilyoftheValley]

Okay...either I've been wrongly thinking that Seven is female, or Seven is a damn good impersonator.

[Lute Skywatcher]

You know, Seven, there's at least one guy who makes a pretty good living at selling recordings of himself messing with telemarketers.

[Seven]

Okay...either I've been wrongly thinking that Seven is female, or Seven is a damn good impersonator.

Pssst..

http://www.tictokmen.com/stuff/seven-bw.jpg

[Seven]

"Mr Garland" talks to a mortgage company. (http://www.tictokmen.com/temp/mr_garland-houseloan1.mp3)

This call caught me off guard because I was in the middle of paying my credit cards on-line. :( I think I could have done better.

"I'm not supposed to use the phone because he says I make it smell like milk toast"

[cherry]

I'm looking forward to listening to more of your telemarketer calls now. Your voice reminds me of Sean Penn in I am Sam.

[MyFootsZZZ]

When they asked you if you were a home owner, you should have said no, and that you liked women.

[MyFootsZZZ]

When they asked you if you were a home owner, you should have said no, and that you liked women.

BTW, I like the Milk Toast thing, and screaming in the receiver.

[askeptic]

OK just checked this is the pit...You Da fucking man! That was pretty damn funny, I don't think you should worry about doing better. I can't wait for the next installment, and I still think you should consider syndication. Many things that are far less funny are generating megabucks for folks. Remember me when you are a rich hollywood snob. :)

[ivylass]

I can't seem to get it to play. Can I get a transcript?

[Wonko The Sane]

Seven- what do you use to record these calls? Is it a special microphone, and what software do you use?

[Count Blucher]

"I like books...Books are Good!"

Mr. Garland, proud alumni of Faber U...

[Lute Skywatcher]

You know, Seven, there's at least one guy who makes a pretty good living at selling recordings of himself messing with telemarketers.Found him. The guy's name is Tom Mabe (http://www.harrisonline.com/audio/listings/tommabe.htm).

[vetbridge]

Pssst..

http://www.tictokmen.com/stuff/seven-bw.jpg

Wow, honey. You are one ugly woman. ;-)

[Seven]

Seven- what do you use to record these calls? Is it a special microphone, and what software do you use?

I'm using Sound Forge software and a mic from the studio -some condenser mic of which I forget the brand. Marshell I think. For the last two recordings I just held the phone over the mic and talked into it (the mic is very sensitive. It can pick up you rubbing your fingers together at 10 feet)

I've now rubberband-ed-ed the handset to the mic and placed the whole thing in a heavy box. When I want to record I'll just plug that phone in and talk through the wireless.

I've tried those sticky suction-cup mics made for phones and got nothing but noise.

After I record it into Sound Forge, I compress the whole thing to get the volumes of my voice and the one on the other end about the same volume.

Ivylass: It is a 96kbps mp3 file. I've heard some media players have a hard time with anything below 128 kbps.

Vetbridge: You think I'm ugly now, you should have seen me before the plastic surgery. ;)

[Lord Ashtar]

You know, I'd love it if you would do a series of threads with this. If it weren't for Special Ed, I'd suggest you send this to Crank Yankers.

Actually, maybe you can be Special Ed's foster brother or something. :D

[LVgeogeek]

That is the funniest thing I have seen or heard all day.

tee hee hee

I like books... I don't understand... :D bwaahahahah

....milk toast :)

[drachillix]

Seven,

Assuming they dont already know....mind if I share this file with my cohorts in Danbury?

(Drach, same company, different division)

[Seven]

Go for it Drachillix.

I'm going to stop posting new ones to this thread (because that's not REALLY what this thread was intended to be)

But I'll make a quick webpage tonight or tomorrow and post the URL here so those who find this funny can play along at home.

[Chairman Pow]

That voice was great.

[MyFootsZZZ]

Don't forget Jim Florentine, (Terrorizing Telemarketers!: http://www.jimflorentine.com/home.html), he's also Special Ed on the TV show, Crank Yankers.

[Seven]

I zipped out a page real quick. the URL is: http://www.tictokmen.com/7

When I get more calls I'll upload them over there. Check the left side bar for the "Mr Garland" listings.

[Ice Wolf]

I am now quite definitely a fan, Seven. :)

[vetbridge]

Vetbridge: You think I'm ugly now, you should have seen me before the plastic surgery. ;)

I don't understaaaand.


hehehe...keep up the good work!

[jjimm]

I giggled out loud in the office. Well done!