Xavier
04-02-2004, 04:37 PM
My source (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljoke-iraqinfominister.htm).
Okay, so I know there are obvious language barriers (like the guys seeming obsession with shoes), but even then, there are some real gems here.
My personal favourites:
"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"
"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"
The Iraqi strategic session was called off early.
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis."
You wanna think about that one again?
'We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."
The shovels being the most important aspect of US weaponry.
Of U.S. troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."
My potential father-in-law.
"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."
This reminds me of my second cousins wedding.
"They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!"
The CNN newsreporters apparently suffering recurring bouts of diarrhea before the interview.
"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."
"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."
Psychological warfare at it's most potent.
"We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"
A standard complaint among gays.
[On surrenders] "Those are not Iraqi soldiers at all. Where did they bring them from?"
On the Al Gore look-a-likes.
"Listen, this explosion does not frighten us any longer. The cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target."
That's accuracy for ya.
"Blair...is accusing us of executing British soldiers. We want to tell him that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured."
Comforting.
"They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not anticipated this."
Thanks.
"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."
A diplomatic answer to a tough question.
"The United Nations....[is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans."
This was LMAO No#1.
"They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone."
This was LMAO No#2. I snorted lime juice through my nose when I read this one. Note: the minister may also watch re-runs of the Sopranos during weekends
"Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds. ... The battle is very fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues."
And you thought GWB was inconsistent?
"When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves"
His academic summary of European history in medieval times.
About Bush: "the leader of the international criminal gang of bastards."
About Bush and Rumsfeld: "Those only deserve to be hit with shoes."
The standard Iraqi tactic when being bombarded by hordes of daisy-cutters.
Okay, so I know there are obvious language barriers (like the guys seeming obsession with shoes), but even then, there are some real gems here.
My personal favourites:
"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"
"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"
The Iraqi strategic session was called off early.
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis."
You wanna think about that one again?
'We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."
The shovels being the most important aspect of US weaponry.
Of U.S. troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."
My potential father-in-law.
"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."
This reminds me of my second cousins wedding.
"They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!"
The CNN newsreporters apparently suffering recurring bouts of diarrhea before the interview.
"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."
"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."
Psychological warfare at it's most potent.
"We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"
A standard complaint among gays.
[On surrenders] "Those are not Iraqi soldiers at all. Where did they bring them from?"
On the Al Gore look-a-likes.
"Listen, this explosion does not frighten us any longer. The cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target."
That's accuracy for ya.
"Blair...is accusing us of executing British soldiers. We want to tell him that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured."
Comforting.
"They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not anticipated this."
Thanks.
"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."
A diplomatic answer to a tough question.
"The United Nations....[is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans."
This was LMAO No#1.
"They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone."
This was LMAO No#2. I snorted lime juice through my nose when I read this one. Note: the minister may also watch re-runs of the Sopranos during weekends
"Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds. ... The battle is very fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues."
And you thought GWB was inconsistent?
"When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves"
His academic summary of European history in medieval times.
About Bush: "the leader of the international criminal gang of bastards."
About Bush and Rumsfeld: "Those only deserve to be hit with shoes."
The standard Iraqi tactic when being bombarded by hordes of daisy-cutters.