Boss insist that you call h/her by last name. Boss calls you by first name...

[Shakes]

Pretentious?

I think so, I used to have a boss like this many years ago. I hated that woman for just that reason. It's almost as if she thought of herself as a higher form of life.

Any other opinions on this?

[Spectre of Pithecanthropus]

I agree it's pretentious, if the boss insisted that you call her Ms. <lastname>.

Otherwise, could it just have been the case that she liked her last name better? Sort of like Kramer on Seinfeld? Though that is a bit unusual, especially for a woman.

I knew one woman at my office, a lower-level supervisor, who tended to call everybody by their last names, especially when speaking about someone. In that case I didn't think it was pretentious, but rather that she simply wanted to recapture the old-fashioned sort of corporate culture where everyone goes by last name, and the boss is Mr/Ms <last name>.

[One And Only Wanderers]

Personally I've never worked in a company that was anything other than first names, but then i've only had 2 jobs. None of my friends have a job where they have to call superiors Mr Smith or whatever either. Because that's what I am used to I think I would fint it a little strange if I went to the job where the boss insisted on being called Mr Smith, or Sir or whatever.

[BarnOwl]

I'd be amused - probably smiling inwardly the first 20 times I called out his/her last name.

But always, always, I'd wonder why this boss wants to be addressed by his last name. I think I'd figure it out, eventually.

[Kalhoun]

I agree it's pretentious, if the boss insisted that you call her Ms. <lastname>.

Otherwise, could it just have been the case that she liked her last name better? Sort of like Kramer on Seinfeld? Though that is a bit unusual, especially for a woman.

I knew one woman at my office, a lower-level supervisor, who tended to call everybody by their last names, especially when speaking about someone. In that case I didn't think it was pretentious, but rather that she simply wanted to recapture the old-fashioned sort of corporate culture where everyone goes by last name, and the boss is Mr/Ms <last name>.
Hell...I call my HUSBAND by his last name. All the time. If I use his first name, you can assume the shit has hit the fan.

I call one of my bosses by his last name, but I don't use "Mr." with it. The others I call by their first names. If someone EXPECTS the Mr. LastName treatment, and especially if he doesn't address me in kind, trouble's a-brewing. I think this person will probably have delusions of grandeure and I won't be working for him for long.

[Saintly Loser]

It's pretentious. Also a dominance ploy.

The rules of polite society dictate that if someone calls you by your first name, they've implicitly granted permission for you to do the same. The exception being conversations between adults and children.

I've had this problem a couple of times. Mostly with physicians. You know, you're waiting in the little examination room, and the doctor walks in and says hi, [insert first name]. I look at his or her ID badge and say, hi there yourself, Bob [or whatever], and the doctor gets all huffy. I actually enjoy this.

[Paranoid Randroid]

My mother works as a clerk at Walgreens, where they require all non-supervisor employees to call supervisors Mr/Ms/Mrs. Lastname or sir/ma'am. This leads to the absurd occurrence of a pharmicist with six years of post-secondary education calling a pimply-faced kid straight out of community college making considerably less money sir. I found it bizarre.

I used to call bosses Mr/Ms/sir/ma'am, but after I got chewed out about it a few times, I stopped. ("Alright, sir." <growl> "Don't call me sir!" Eep! If you want an environment where everyone's comfortable referring to each other casually, then you shouldn't yell at someone for something so utterly stupid.)

[don't ask]

I still call my boss M and she still calls me Bond....

Sorry.

[GrizzRich]

I was a teenager in the seventies when I worked as an order-picker at Best Products.

It was policy that EVERYONE was referred to as Mr/Ms/Miss/Mrs Lastname.

At that point in my short life, I'd only been called "Mr Lastname" when I was in trouble.
Always made my blood pressure rise a bit when someone called my name.
Thank goodness it was only seasonal work for Christmas.

[ShelliBean]

First day at work I called my boss "Mr. Mxx" and he laughed. I continued to call them Mr. Mxxx for a couple days until he finally walked into my office one afternoon with a beer and said "Relax. Finish up what you're doing - we're drinking beer out back. Come on."
Now we refer to each other with whatever derogatory name we can come up with. It's like a game to become the most creative insulter. Since I'm on the SDMB, I almost always win.

[Sublight]

Sounds like a combination of insecurity and a need to establish dominance, SHAKES.

Just because of the cultural norms here, I address most of my co-workers, including my boss, by their last names, although there are a few who use other nicknames. When I first introduced myself, I told them to call me by my first name (half of it anyway) so that's what everyone else uses.

My boss (Japanese guy) is extremely casual, but we had an American co-worker a while back who had really bought into the whole "code of the samurai" nonsense and would really freak out if we addressed the boss as anything but "shacho-san" ("Mr. President"). Once we learned that, we took special pains to address the boss as rudely as possible whenever samurai-dude was within earshot. We told the pres why we were doing it, and he got a real kick out of watching the guy cringe every time one of us would hand him (the pres) some papers with "here you go, butthead."

[BarnOwl]

Sounds like a combination of insecurity and a need to establish dominance, SHAKES.

Just because of the cultural norms here, I address most of my co-workers, including my boss, by their last names, although there are a few who use other nicknames. When I first introduced myself, I told them to call me by my first name (half of it anyway) so that's what everyone else uses.

My boss (Japanese guy) is extremely casual, but we had an American co-worker a while back who had really bought into the whole "code of the samurai" nonsense and would really freak out if we addressed the boss as anything but "shacho-san" ("Mr. President"). Once we learned that, we took special pains to address the boss as rudely as possible whenever samurai-dude was within earshot. We told the pres why we were doing it, and he got a real kick out of watching the guy cringe every time one of us would hand him (the pres) some papers with "here you go, butthead."

Hilarious!!

And how in hell can anyone say shacho-san, once, much less three times quichly?

Thanks for a most amusing tale.

[Ferret Herder]

I work in a medical center, so I do this daily. I always address doctors as "Dr. Lastname", they call me by my first name. I've never had any of them insist on it, but the issue hasn't come up as that's what I always use.

[Rocketeer]

It's a dominance hierarchy thing.

[NurseCarmen]

It's a dominance thing. Draw the line when he tries to hump your leg.

[CrazyCatLady]

We call all the vets Dr. Whatever, although quite a lot of them are fine with us calling them by first name, especially the younger ones. One thing I've noticed, though, is that almost all of them refer to one another as Dr. Whatever when talking to us. Well, except for the married couples, they'll often use first names. The interns usually also call the attendings Dr. Whatever, even though the attendings call them by first name.

I've noticed the same sort of thing with Dr.J. He calls the other residents by first name, but refers to them as Dr. Whatever when talking to various staff, and he never calls the attendings anything but Dr. Whatever.

[JohnBckWLD]

Perhaps she was a frustrated teacher or college professor.

Coulda been worse though. If she was a frustrated cop, she would've insisited upon being addressed as Officer Lastname.

[Obsidian]

You know, just the other day we had an interview candidate in who was extremely proper about titles. It actually freaked me out a litte. When she came in, I introduced my self by first name. When I showed her to the conference room, she said, "Thank you, ma'am."

I am a 24 year old admin, wearing jeans and flip-flops. I am not a 'ma'am'. I offered her chex mix and diet coke; she said, "No thank you, ma'am."

She met with my boss. I went back to my desk. On her way out, she said, "Nice to meet you, Miss. . ." With that expectant look, she waited for me to tell her my last name. I smiled and said, "Obsidian is fine."

She sort of grimaced a little, and then said, "It was nice to meet you, Ma'am," and left.

Turns out it disturbed my boss as well. My company may be lean a little more than most on the 'dotcom' side as far as corporate culture, but this is still silicon valley and all. Where did this woman work before where people enforced sir/ma'am?

[paperbackwriter]

Was she ex-military maybe?

[Mockingbird]

It's a dominance hierarchy thing.

I think you're right and it stems from a lack of hugs.

Hug them, they'll melt, and suddenly their heart will grow three sizes.

Or... not.

[friedo]

The weirdest thing I ever experienced along these lines is when I had to call the power company to get the juice to my new place turned on. The customer service rep answered the phone, "Thank you for calling Con Edison. This is Mrs. Davidson, how may I help you?"

That was pretty strange.

[Obsidian]

Was she ex-military maybe?
You know, I had not thought of this. She had a couple of years on me, but not enough for her to be of a generation where office formality like that was the norm.

[Manda JO]

I'm a teacher, so it's a little different: since we are "Ms. Lastname" to the students, we tend to answer to that as easily as to our first names. "Ms/Mr. Lastname" really IS our name in a way that I suspect it isn't in other enviroments. As a result, I call my principal and the assistant principals by their last name as well--with the Mr./Ms. if there are students or parents present and with just their last name if it is all co-workers around. Of course, there are also exceptions for various reasons: if I have a parent who is trying to threaten me with "I'll speak with the principal", I might come back with "I know that [principal's first name] loves imput from parents, but this policy is one she set" as a way to signify that I am not scared by the threat.

I also call teachers I don't know well by their last names because that is how I think of them--that's how the kids identify them.

[emekthian]

Manda Jo- do you call the students by their first or last names?

I'm a high school student, and I call pretty much every adult Mr/Mrs/Ms. + (lastname). The only exceptions are relatives and the parents of a very good friend of mine whom I've known for years. Basically, Mr/Mrs/Ms. is the norm for my interactions with adults.
So, I feel a little strange when adults refer to me by Mr. (lastname), or even "sir". Especially "sir", because I don't even call adults that, and it feels strange when an adult is giving me more respect than I give him/her.

[MsRobyn]

I occasionally do the Mr./Ms. (never Mrs., unless it's requested)/Dr./Professor (lastname) thing. It's useful for maintaining boundaries, especially since some of my professors are my contemporaries. There are a couple whom I call by their first names, but there are informal relationships there, largely because of our children.

That said, I rarely call a boss by his last name. We're at work for eight hours a day, so some familiarity is appropriate, I think.

Robin

[Shakes]

I occasionally do the Mr./Ms. (never Mrs., unless it's requested)/Dr./Professor (lastname) thing. It's useful for maintaining boundaries, especially since some of my professors are my contemporaries. There are a couple whom I call by their first names, but there are informal relationships there, largely because of our children.

That said, I rarely call a boss by his last name. We're at work for eight hours a day, so some familiarity is appropriate, I think.

Robin


MsRobyn[b] For now on I INSIST that you refer to me as [b]MrSHAKES :D

/ironic

[elmwood]

I supervise two planners and an intern, and have authority over another.

I would feel very uncomfortable if they called me by my last name. In local government offices in the US, employees are usually on a first name basis. The only people I address by their last names are elected and appointed officials.

[jon_pi]

Being in the military, its a rule to call anyone who outranks you by their Rank at least, or their rank and last name to avoid confusion. However, you have full right to address those of lower rank than you by their first name.

I've had the distinctive pleasure of being passed over several times for promotion due to some trouble I've been in, and this has resulted in me being lower rank than people who haven't had as much time in the military as I have, and in some cases, people who are younger than me.

Lately I've been put under the supervision of a person I trained when he was a rank lower than me, now he's a rank higher, and he wants an unwaivering commitment to the use of professional address. I told him to stuffit pretty much, but I humor him when I'm in a good mood.

[Who_me?]

I'm a supervisor and my employees all call me by my last name, no Mr. included. I call them, Mr. or Ms. Xxxxxx. All of my department calls everyone else by their last name, I just add the Mr. or Ms. I can't think of one person that is referred to by their first name.