I am a Western Chickadee. Give me a french fry.

[The Asbestos Mango]

Ahh. I see you have decided to enjoy your fast food at one of the outside tables. That is good.

Give me a french fry.

I am small, brave, and cute. I do not fear you. I want a french fry.

You will give me a french fry. I know this. I have much experience with humans and their french fries.

I will land on the table and look at you as imperiously as is possible for a bird my size to look. If a french fry should happen to fall from its bag onto the table, I will not hesitate to grab it in my tiny beak and fly off with it.

But, if it does not, I will sit on the table and stare at you.

You may as well give me the french fry now and save us both a lot of trouble.

[Duckster]

Chickadee: I know you really like that hamburger, but do you want fries with that?

:D

[Q.E.D.]

Well? Did it get one? Come on, man, don't keep us in suspense!

[Master Wang-Ka]

If it's anything like the wrens at the Sonic near my house, I'd say it got its french fry... there's generations of the little buggers living in the hedges that swarm out anytime you toss a fry or a bit of bun anywhere near the greenery.

[Jonathan Chance]

Disney World last year. Crowded as hell. We're eating lunch outside. I have a hamburger. Simple enough, right?

A White Ibis comes up to me through the crowd where I'm sitting on the pavement.

It proceeds to take my hamburger in its beak, cut it in half, and fly off with half. This took less time than it takes to write it.

Damn bird. And nothing but laughter from the wife and kid.

[Genghis Bob]

You are indeed small, brave and cute. You are also plump and juicy, you delectable little morsel, you.

While you transfix me with your imperious stare, my hamburger patty grows cold and dry. I am left with two still quite serviceable pieces of bun, a leaf of lettuce and a dollop of Ranch Dressing - er, "Secret Sauce".

Have I mentioned how perfectly bun-sized you are? Perhaps a french fry may indeed fall from the bag and onto the table; hop forward in your quick birdlike way and take it! Ahh . . . delightful, delicious, but somehow unsatisfying.

You desire more.

I remove the dessicated protein slab from my bun. I place a french fry - fat, juicy and full of starchy goodness - in its place. A tempting morsel for a tempting morsel, n'est pas?

Would you like a french fry, little bird?

[Podkayne]

Jeepers, Genghis, what is it about you and eating small warm-blooded flying creatures? First it was bats (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=256838), now it's songbirds! Do you like crunching on lots of little bones or something?

[ioioio]

In an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry commented about birds being the descendents of the mighty dinosaurs, who once proudly ruled the earth. "And look at 'em now, squabbling over a couple of french fries in the parking lot of McDonald's."

[Genghis Bob]

Jeepers, Genghis, what is it about you and eating small warm-blooded flying creatures? First it was bats (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=256838), now it's songbirds! Do you like crunching on lots of little bones or something?


Not true, not true at all! They don't need to be warm-blooded. . . it's just that the cold-blooded ones are so tiny, and so very hard to catch . . .

Er, that is, um . . . <sigh> . . .

<clink> <clink> <ring> <ring>

"Hello, Ozzy Osbourne Center? My name is Genghis Bob, and I'm ready to come in . . . "

[AskNott]

Small bird, big balls. When the whole world is bigger creatures, courage is your only option.

[Finagle]

You are indeed small, brave and cute. You are also plump and juicy, you delectable little morsel, you.

Have I mentioned how perfectly bun-sized you are? Perhaps a french fry may indeed fall from the bag and onto the table; hop forward in your quick birdlike way and take it! Ahh . . . delightful, delicious, but somehow unsatisfying.



Ah. The main course at the popular restaurant, Chick-A-Fila-Dee.

[Master Wang-Ka]

Mm-hm.

Plainly, some of us have never dealt with the little buggers in large numbers.

Down Texas way, they may be chickadees, but the locals calls 'em "piranhakeets." Last guy who got too close to the hedges with a bag of fries in his hand died a sudden and horrible death. Before anyone else could get close enough to help him, he was gone. Looked like he'd been beat to death with cheese graters. Not a pretty sight.

Although the birdies are cute. It's their greatest weapon, you see.

:cool:

[Olentzero]

Chick-a-deedeedeedeedee.
Chick-a-deedeedeedeedee.
Deedeedeedeed-- Whoa! (http://www.noahstrycker.com/web%20photos/black-cappedchickadee(2).jpg) French fry!

[The Asbestos Mango]

You are indeed small, brave and cute. You are also plump and juicy, you delectable little morsel, you.

While you transfix me with your imperious stare, my hamburger patty grows cold and dry. I am left with two still quite serviceable pieces of bun, a leaf of lettuce and a dollop of Ranch Dressing - er, "Secret Sauce".

Have I mentioned how perfectly bun-sized you are? Perhaps a french fry may indeed fall from the bag and onto the table; hop forward in your quick birdlike way and take it! Ahh . . . delightful, delicious, but somehow unsatisfying.

You desire more.

I remove the dessicated protein slab from my bun. I place a french fry - fat, juicy and full of starchy goodness - in its place. A tempting morsel for a tempting morsel, n'est pas?

Would you like a french fry, little bird?

I am alert and fast-moving.

I will have my french fry, and I will avoid the top haf of the bun.

Your plan will be foiled, mere human.

Just give me the damn fry.

[harmless]

Do it, or he'll call for backup!


On our honeymoon, my husband and I went to Disney World. One of my favorite things was seeing the birds hopping around the floor inside the Crystal Palace. I remembered them from when I went with my family over 10 years ago and was delighted that they were still there! :)
I was afraid they might've devised a way to keep the little birdies out.

[KRC]

A couple years ago I saw a squirrel running around inside one of the cafeterias in Yellowstone. It's against the rules to feed wildlife in the park but evidently some people do anyway and the squirrels come in to see if they can get a free meal.

At least it wasn't aggressive, unlike a squirrel my aunt and I encountered in Florida that marched onto our picnic table and scared us into giving it our potato chips.

[ioioio]

On the scenic 17-mile drive outside of Monterrey CA, the birds actually know the tour bus schedule. About 5 minutes before a tour bus is scheduled to stop, the birds start showing up at the bus stop. There are signs posted about not feeding the birds, but they get fed A LOT anyway.
Once when I was there, a woman from the bus was going around, almost in tears, begging people not to feed the birds. "Can't you see the signs?" she pleaded, "feeding them is BAD for them." When she told this to my brother, he said, "Tell it to the birds."

[KRC]

What's really funny is that in the parks in the Southwest there will be signs up telling tourists something along the lines of "Wild animals may carry the plague. Do not feed them!" And people will stand right next to the signs and feed the ground squirrels.

(And yes, bubonic plague does sometimes breakout amongst rodents out here, and, yes, people do occaisionally catch it.)

[screech-owl]

On the scenic 17-mile drive outside of Monterrey CA, the birds actually know the tour bus schedule....

That's why Disney quit doing the dove releases during the parades and special events: the hawks knew what time the on-the-wing buffet started. Watching a hawk munch down on a dove or homing pigeon that didn't quit keep up with the flock was more than a bit horrifying to the tourists.

[The Asbestos Mango]

Perhaps they should have given the hawks french fries before the parades.

A bird that is not hungry has no need to kill and feed.

Something you humans would be wise to remember when you see a flock of chickadees waiting outside McDonald's

[Mirror Image egamI rorriM]

At our local zoo, there are several peacocks that have free range over the park. There's nothing quite like having a peacock steal your fries right off the table. They're pretty, but mean.

And I've had a fear of Muscovy ducks (which are even meaner than peacocks) ever since I was about four or five years old and at a riverside cafe--the duck landed on the table right in front of me and took my toast.

[romansperson]

Seagulls. Rats with wings.

[CalMeacham]

I am a Jungle Fowl, roaming free about the grounds of the San Diego Zoo.

That hamburger is clearly more than you need to eat. I will bite parts of it off as you are eating it.

I do not fear you. I do not lowerr myself to beg, or even to ask. We jungle fowl jump up on your table and take what we want from your hand. If need be, we will take it from your mouth.

What are you gonna do about it?






The only birds pushier than the jungle chickens at the SD Zoo were the hand-fed birds belonging to a woman I dated briefly:



That looks good. I want some. I will fly onto your head, grab hold of your forelocks, hang down over your face, and pluck what I want from your mouth.

Yum! Let's have some more!

[slortar]

Is it wrong that I've been reading this entire thread in Agent Smith's voice?

[Jonathan Chance]

Mister Chickadee...

[Olentzero]

This is why I will start a "Hire Celebrities to do Odd Sh*t" slush fund if I ever win the lottery. Because a recording of Agent Smith reading the OP would be hilarious.

[Master Wang-Ka]

Perhaps they should have given the hawks french fries before the parades.

A bird that is not hungry has no need to kill and feed.

Something you humans would be wise to remember when you see a flock of chickadees waiting outside McDonald's

1. Would a hawk EAT a french fry? I was under the impression they were strictly carnivorous.

2. Assuming he would, how many fries would we need to feed a given hawk before he'd turn down a tasty dove?

3. Is it really right to clog the hawk's arteries up on a regular basis, just so Mom and the kids won't freak out during the parade at Disneyland?

[Genghis Bob]

Would a hawk EAT a french fry? . . .


He will if you staple it to a dove. . .

[The Asbestos Mango]

Mister Chickadee...
Miss Chickadee.

Master Wang-Ka, perhaps the hawk would prefer a nice juicy hamburger?

Genghis Bob, you are a bad man. You are a threat to all flying creatures. I have given orders to my minions that you are to be pecked to death on sight.

[Satyricon]

Mm-hm.

Plainly, some of us have never dealt with the little buggers in large numbers.

Down Texas way, they may be chickadees, but the locals calls 'em "piranhakeets." Last guy who got too close to the hedges with a bag of fries in his hand died a sudden and horrible death. Before anyone else could get close enough to help him, he was gone. Looked like he'd been beat to death with cheese graters. Not a pretty sight.

Although the birdies are cute. It's their greatest weapon, you see.

:cool:

ROTFL! :D

[swampbear]

Would a hawk EAT a french fry?

He won't if he's doing low carb.

[MissTake]

At work we have Stubby. Stubby is your normal pigeon, sans feet. Stubby is spoilt rotten. More than once, while eating lunch and basking in the sun, has Stubby hopped up on the ledge alongside of me and did that ever-so-cute head bob thing that birds do. Then he would stump along on his little stub legs. I have to give him some of my lunch.

Suffice it to say, Stubby is the size of a cat. Huge. Gargantuan. Twice the size of all other pigeons.

Here, at home, we have Donald and Drusilla, our mallards. If the storm door is open, they will walk up to the screen door and knock. Freaks the cats out. Last night we gave them some apple scraps. They didn't like apple scraps. They did quite like tortilla chips, though. Wonder if they'd like salsa also?

[rjk]

Birds can be pretty aggressive, but the squirrels in Stanley Park in Vancouver will knock you down and go through your pockets.

Squirrel 1: "Hey! Twenty dollars! Let's hit the snack stand!"
Squirrel 2: "To hell with that! I got a credit card! I hear in Fiji they have nuts bigger than this guys head!"
Both: "Woohoo!"
Exeunt in the direction of the airport.

[harmless]

The squirrels here at FSU campus have their own union, there's so many of the buggers around! Don't fall asleep on the lawn, or you might wake up squirrel chow!

Squirrels don't need to mug you, though. They have alternate ways of making a living. (http://www.comics.com/comics/hedge/archive/hedge-20040513.html) ;)

[cher3]

Seagulls. Rats with wings.

Did you know that they can catch stuff in midair if you throw it to them. This is great fun until you realize that you are suddenly in the midst of a great shrieking Hitchcocking cloud of them.

Once I was attending a conference meeting and one of the other attendees made the mistake of taking a piece of bread out to a seagull that was stand around on the lawn next to the conference room. It then proceeded to stand next to the big glass doors and stare at us for the remainder of the meeting. If our attention happened to stray back to the work at hand for a few minutes it would knock on the glass.


I am a California gull. Have you been enjoying your scenic drive? I see you've decided to park here at the cliff to admire the ocean view while you eat your sandwich.

Give me some. Yes, I know I can drag the remains out of the trash on my own and strew them to the winds. I don't feel like that now. Roll down your window and give me some.

Okay, fine. I will stand on the hood of your car and watch you eat. Baleful stare, no?

What do you mean, I'm blocking your view? I AM the view. I'm wildlife, dammit.

KFC-stuffed wildlife, but still...

Are you going to eat that tomato?

[Baker]

I was at the Omaho Zoo, in the petting zoo area. Little girl in there holding a bag of popcorn. Cute goat comes trotting up, she reaches over to pet it. Goat's head goes past her hand and sinks it's teeth into the bottom of the popcorn bag in the other hand, neatly ripping it open. Goat calmly proceeds to eat fallen popcorn while little girl cries.

[Evil Captor]

The squirrels here at FSU campus have their own union, there's so many of the buggers around! Don't fall asleep on the lawn, or you might wake up squirrel chow!

Squirrels don't need to mug you, though. They have alternate ways of making a living. (http://www.comics.com/comics/hedge/archive/hedge-20040513.html) ;)

Actually, the danger posed by squirrels isn't mugging. It's hoarding. (http://www.jollyroper.com/newtour/articles.jpg)

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Squirrels? Hoarding? However could that be a problem? (http://shady-acres.com/susan/squirrel.shtml)

[calm kiwi]

I always heard that seagulls were rats with wings and sparrows were mice with wings.

At least you don't have the car eating type birdies.

http://www.doc.govt.nz/Conservation/001~Plants-and-Animals/001~Native-Animals/Kea.asp

a quick look for non-link likers.

KEA Nestor notabilis
Size: 46-48cm.
Status: Common.
Range: South Island high country from Marlborough and Nelson to Fiordland. Straying to coastal areas.
Habitat: Native forest and the sub-alpine and alpine zones.
Food: Leaves, buds, fruits, insects and carrion.
Voice: A penetrating and drawn out “keaa” and a variety of softer calls.
Breeding: July-January. Two to four white eggs.
General: Has been persecuted as a sheep killer but there is some doubt as to the extent it attacks healthy animals. A very cheeky bird, this mountain parrot is quite capable of doing damage to your car by pecking all the rubber from around the windows and pulling off windscreen wipers—not to mention what it might do to what you have on your roof rack! Partially protected (may be hunted or killed by an occupier of land only when causing damage on that land).

[Dr. Rieux]

Here at ASU it's mostly pigeons & sparrows, but the grackles and cactus wrens can get pretty agressive too.

[Melandry]

Here in Boston I constantly see parents letting their toddlers handfeed Canadian Geese on the Esplanade. Generally, the goose is as large as if not larger than the child. What do these parents think is gonna happen when the food runs out? This strikes me as amazingly stupid.

Pigeons, too, are rats with wings. It drives me nuts to go to South Station, which always has several of 'em running around quite boldly near the food stalls. I understand the difficulties entailed in keeping something winged out of a building, but can't they at least try to eliminate them, since they are disgustingly unsanitary?

[Fish]

Although the birdies are cute. It's their greatest weapon, you see.
Our greatest weapon is cuteness, cuteness and bravery. Our two greatest weapons are cuteness, bravery, and ruthless efficiency. ...

[jayjay]

Our greatest weapon is cuteness, cuteness and bravery. Our two greatest weapons are cuteness, bravery, and ruthless efficiency. ...

Nobody expects the Sparrow Inquisition!

[danceswithcats]

In Faces of Death I, Harry is outside the car feeding a bear while wifey videotapes the event. Harry has a loaf of bread, and something equal in synaptic value for a brain.

Harry: "Well, it looks like I'm almost out of bread."

Wifey: "Get back in the car, Harry."

Harry: "WTF?"

Wifey: "Harrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" :eek:

Later on, at another location:

Bear: "Look what I brought home from the tourist parking area."

Wifey Bear: "Boy, that is one stupid looking piece of meat. Let's eat."

[brachyrhynchos]

I am a Black-capped Chickadee.

Mrs. Black-capped. And I AM cute. And brave. And ruthlessly efficient.

Fear Me. You think I'm scared just because you're holding me in your puny human hands? (http://www-rci.rutgers.edu/~lreed/bcch.htm) Your defenseless skin is no match from my mighty beak!

Fear Me! Fear my piercing cries that bring my family. Yeah, they're hiding, er, gathering in that bush over there! I'll screech again - are your ears bleeding?

Fear Me!! I wave my corkscrew leg in your face and poop in your general direction!


HAhahahaha!! I've cleverly excaped your clutches and...hey, what's this on my leg??!? I don't need no stinkin' Federal accoutrements to enhance my natural cuteness!

[BlackKnight]

Awwwwwwwwww! It's so cute!

*gives it a french fry*

:)

[Danalan]

That's why Disney quit doing the dove releases during the parades and special events: the hawks knew what time the on-the-wing buffet started. Watching a hawk munch down on a dove or homing pigeon that didn't quit keep up with the flock was more than a bit horrifying to the tourists.I'm surprised that Disney didn't just coat the doves with poison, to kill the hawks. I bet it was considered as an option.

[Wile E]

I'm surprised that Disney didn't just coat the doves with poison, to kill the hawks. I bet it was considered as an option.

C'mon, even Disney is not that evil.

[The Asbestos Mango]

Awwwwwwwwww! It's so cute!

*gives it a french fry*

:)
Thank you.

I will inform my flock of minions of your generosity to me.

I hope you have a lot of french fries.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

We are guinea fowl. Pearl gray and white guinea fowl (http://guineafowl.com/fritsfarm/guineas/colors/). Our wattles are supremely red. Our naked white wrinkly heads bear mighty knobs. Fear us.

Our eyes are beady and glittering. Our voices shatter glass and eardrums when we become enraged. We become enraged with little provocation. Fear us.

We roam the barnyard of the horsefarm that is our home, pecking where we will and chasing vehicles that dare to invade our territory. We attack en masse any barncat foolish enough to think to bring one of us down. The barn cats fear us.

We sneer at your proffered bribe of french fries. We hunger for the crunch and blood of ticks. If ticks had a brain, they would fear us.

Stand still and await our approach. Stand still as we surround you. Stand still as we peck at your feet, your ankles, your toes. Stand still until we are satisfied that there are no ticks on you. Fear us.

[Gunslinger]

Did you know that they can catch stuff in midair if you throw it to them. This is great fun until you realize that you are suddenly in the midst of a great shrieking Hitchcocking cloud of them.

I found out the hard way (http://userpic.livejournal.com/13921012/490151) on the beach in Mississippi. :eek:

[Lynn Bodoni]

We are guinea fowl. Pearl gray and white guinea fowl (http://guineafowl.com/fritsfarm/guineas/colors/). Our wattles are supremely red. Our naked white wrinkly heads bear mighty knobs. Fear us.

Our eyes are beady and glittering. Our voices shatter glass and eardrums when we become enraged. We become enraged with little provocation. Fear us.

We roam the barnyard of the horsefarm that is our home, pecking where we will and chasing vehicles that dare to invade our territory. We attack en masse any barncat foolish enough to think to bring one of us down. The barn cats fear us.

We sneer at your proffered bribe of french fries. We hunger for the crunch and blood of ticks. If ticks had a brain, they would fear us.

Stand still and await our approach. Stand still as we surround you. Stand still as we peck at your feet, your ankles, your toes. Stand still until we are satisfied that there are no ticks on you. Fear us. Heck, now I'm tempted to get some guinea fowl! How do they do indoors? I don't have ticks indoors, but I do have a small but varied collection of insects inside, and if I can avoid doing the bugbomb thing, that would be good.

One of our cats fears everything, and can frequently be found under his mom's bed, peering out at the world. The other cat fears nothing, and wishes to escape to the outside world to begin her journey of World Domination. The fearless cat is QUITE fond of all sorts of poultry.

[Sublight]

I'm a crow.

What are you doing with that french fry? Do I look like Ronald-fucking-McDonald? You think I want a goddamn french fry?

Fuck the french fries.

We're going after commuter trains, (http://www.smn.co.jp/e/key/0101k01e.html) and there's not a goddamn thing any of you can do about it.

You're ours.

[Tikki]

Here in Boston I constantly see parents letting their toddlers handfeed Canadian Geese on the Esplanade. Generally, the goose is as large as if not larger than the child. What do these parents think is gonna happen when the food runs out? This strikes me as amazingly stupid.

I have been chomped upon by many a Canada (not Canadian) goose and I can tell you there is nothing to fear. Their chomp feels like two pieces of lightweight plastic coming together. No pain at all.

The ones you have to watch out for are the big domesticated white geese. They draw blood!

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

I'm a crow.

What are you doing with that french fry? Do I look like Ronald-fucking-McDonald? You think I want a goddamn french fry?

Fuck the french fries.

We're going after commuter trains, (http://www.smn.co.jp/e/key/0101k01e.html) and there's not a goddamn thing any of you can do about it.

You're ours.

Gizzard stones. Of just the right size.

[booklover]

Lynn, if you get a guinea fowl and keep it indoors, you can kiss sleep bye-bye. They are incredibly loud birds and are apparently sometimes used for security alerts on farms in Africa: http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/poultry/other/guineafowl/ . One somehow got loose in my neighborhood a couple years ago and the humane society spent months trying to catch it for relocation. Beautiful bird, but as I said, very loud.

The birds at Disney World are so aggressive. I was staying at one of the Disney resorts (Coronado Springs) for a conference and it was unbelievable. Ibis, ducks, grackles, etc. would surround you as soon as you sat outside with some food. A guy sitting next to me on one of the benches got shat upon by one of the birds when he ran out of potato chips.