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View Full Version : Ok, so just exactly how big was Milton Berle's schlong? (Facts, not jokes, please!)


stuyguy
06-03-2004, 04:20 PM
In this past Sunday's NYTimes City Section there was a cover story about the venerable Friars' Club. (There is also a letter-to-the-editor and an FYI question by yours truly, but enough about me.) The Friars is a NYC-based organization of (mostly) comedians. They conduct those world famous celebrity roasts.

In the 40s and 50s the head Friar was Milton Berle. The article mentioned that the super-sized dimensions of Uncle Miltie's schlong was a constant source of jokes and banter. I have heard about Berle's endowments before. In fact I think it was mentioned in a SDMB thread a year or more ago.

So, applying the scientific rigor this board is famous for, exactly how big was, shall we say, the Friars' Club's greatest member? (Pun very much intended.)

Bonus Question: The article also mentioned that Maurice Chavalier was the first "victim" of a Friars roast. They served him a beef tongue on a hook and apparently made many "licking" jokes that night. What was that all about? Obviously something lude, but what in particular?

Eve, my sweet, will you rescue this ignorant dolt?

silenus
06-03-2004, 04:41 PM
According to entertainment columnist James Bacon, Uncle Miltie sported a 13 inch tallywhacker. Evidently, he and Forrest Tucker were the "best endowed" actors in Hollywood.

Would somebody like to explain the "French Arts" to stuyguy? :D

Eve
06-03-2004, 04:49 PM
Evidently, he and Forrest Tucker were the "best endowed" actors in Hollywood.

"Remember—only you can prevent Forrest Tucker."

Skywatcher
06-03-2004, 04:56 PM
Thanks, now I have the image of Forrest Tucker using his erection to block tackles during his semi-pro football days.

Marley23
06-03-2004, 04:57 PM
Heh, if that's true Forrest would have to do an awful lot of tucking...

stuyguy
06-03-2004, 05:00 PM
Thanks, now I have the image of Forrest Tucker using his erection to block tackles during his semi-pro football days.
Hell, he could be half the goal post!

Fiver
06-03-2004, 06:31 PM
I don't know what was up with the licking jokes, but they were probably more lewd than lude.

Exapno Mapcase
06-03-2004, 08:33 PM
There is a book on every subject, even the New York Friars Club Book of Roasts: The Wittiest, Most Hilarious, And, Until Now, Most Unprintable Moments from the Friars Club (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0871319608/qid=1086308697/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-2698158-2766265?v=glance&s=books)
by Barry Dougherty.

Chevalier was indeed the first victim, in 1949, roasted by Berle, George Jessel, Sam Levenson, Phil Silvers and an Alan King still sucking on his mother's breast instead on a cigar.

And with all this comic talent in the room, they make tongue jokes. And why?

Because Chevalier was French.

Ah, the Good Old Days.

stuyguy
06-03-2004, 09:22 PM
I don't know what was up with the licking jokes, but they were probably more lewd than lude.
Awwright, awwright, I can't spell!

Boy, wait'll you come to New York and need sightseeing tips!

Why A Duck
06-03-2004, 09:22 PM
Forest Tucker? The F-Troop guy?

Imagine my surprise.

So who's got the killer kielbasa these days? I've heard good things about Liam Neeson, but not much about anyone else.

Colibri
06-03-2004, 10:37 PM
One of the more bizarre affairs in show biz history has to be the one between Milton Berle and evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson (http://www.ondoctrine.com/1mcphe05.htm)

silenus
06-03-2004, 10:51 PM
So who's got the killer kielbasa these days?

Well, there are a number of contenders.

James Woods, Bob Newhart, Wayne Newton (http://www.hollywoodpulse.com/archives2-11.html) :p

Frank Sinatra and a host of others (http://www.gretagarbage.com/chapter.html)

AveDementia
06-03-2004, 11:23 PM
In rock music, Huey Lewis is said to be the biggest.

He's kind of a has-been now, though. Does it still count?

syncrolecyne
06-04-2004, 12:40 AM
I've seen David Letterman's name pop up on such lists on usenet, and I remember a guest or two has joked with him on the show over it before. Its always the one's you'd least expect...Bob Newhart?

syncrolecyne
06-04-2004, 12:47 AM
I forgot to include my cite...this list originally was on alt.celebrity.gossip on usenet years ago..

http://members.internettrash.com/cybergata/afaq.htm


The largely uncorroborated "Hung Like A Horse List" has Milton Berle at ten inches.

tremorviolet
06-04-2004, 12:54 AM
So who's got the killer kielbasa these days? I've heard good things about Liam Neeson, but not much about anyone else.

Googling for Liam Neeson's stats, I found this sketchy lookingpagep (http://www.gretagarbage.com/chapter.html). The list includes Ed Begley Jr.!, Bruce Jenner, Dick Cavett, David Duchovany, Lyle Lovett, Brendan Frasier, and Kiefer Sutherland (swoon) among others.

Errol Flynn was so hung that he entertained Hollywood partygoers by playing "You Are My Sunshine" on the piano-using only his organ. :eek:

FriarTed
06-04-2004, 02:25 AM
Bob Newhart & Dick (heh heh heh) Cavett?


As Vonnegut said, you never know...

Little Nemo
06-04-2004, 03:09 AM
Its always the one's you'd least expect...Bob Newhart?
You think he got hooked up with Suzanne Pleshette and Mary Frann based on his looks?

Walloon
06-04-2004, 04:07 AM
For the curious, Liam Neeson went full frontal in Nell (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0110638/combined), James Woods showed all in The Onion Field (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0079668/combined) and Curse of the Starving Class (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0109514/combined). David Duchovny showed us what he's made of in New Year's Day (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0097964/combined). You can check out the evidence on James and David here (http://www.hunkvideo.com/search/search.html).

In the book Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, SNL writer Alan Zweibel gives an eyewitness account from when Milton Berle guest hosted:Now fast-forward a few years and I'm in Milton Berle's dressing room at Saturday Night Live. He's sitting behind a couch behind a coffee table, and he's wearing a very short kind of bathrobe, the kind that comes down to midthigh. And somehow, I just say to him, "You know, it's so weird that I'm here talking to you, because for years I was writing jokes about your dick." I said, "I wrote all these jokes about your cock, and now I'm talking to you — I feel like there's some violation of something here."

He says to me, "You mean you never saw it?" I said, "Uh, no, I don't believe I did." Then he said, "Well, would you like to?" And before I had the chance to say, "Not really," or "Can I think about it?" or whatever, he parts his bathrobe and he just takes out this — this anaconda. He lays it on the table, and I'm looking into this thing, right? I'm looking into the head of Milton Berle's dick. It was enormous. It was like a pepperoni. And he goes, "What do you think of the boy?" And I'm looking right at it and I go, "Oh, it's really, really nice."

At which point Gilda [Radner] opens the dressing room door. It's like an I Love Lucy sketch, but this honestly happened!

Equipoise
06-04-2004, 08:09 AM
I love this thread.

For the curious, Liam Neeson went full frontal in Nell (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0110638/combined)

All right, you got me! I clicked on it in hopes of a screen shot. You teaser you.


[QUOTE=Walloon]You can check out the evidence on James and David here (http://www.hunkvideo.com/search/search.html).

I did spend, um, a bit of time here. Thanks! No Neeson or Berle though. Boo hoo.

Funny Alan Zweibel story. Thanks for that too.

Annie-Xmas
06-04-2004, 09:13 AM
In her book "I'm With The Band," rock group Pamela Des Barres mentions Don Johnson as having the most she's ever seen. When he's asked about it, Don just laughs and refuses to comment.

Shirley Ujest
06-04-2004, 09:17 AM
Errol Flynn's Penis plays the piano. All I can think of is " HAAAASAAAN CHOP!"

Baldwin
06-04-2004, 09:22 AM
Cartoonist R. Crumb, according to a female acquaintance (sorry, it's been a while since I've seen Crumb, and I don't remember exactly who) possesses "one of the largest penises in the world".

Skywatcher
06-04-2004, 10:50 AM
Well, there are a number of contenders.

James Woods, Bob Newhart, Wayne Newton (http://www.hollywoodpulse.com/archives2-11.html) :p [/URL]For those who don't know, that site is on par with the Onion.

Skywatcher
06-04-2004, 10:58 AM
Errol Flynn's Penis plays the piano. All I can think of is " HAAAASAAAN CHOP!"If Uncle Miltie's could play the piano, the two could have gotten together for "Chopsticks".

Honey
06-04-2004, 12:56 PM
Forest Tucker? The F-Troop guy?

Imagine my surprise.

So who's got the killer kielbasa these days? I've heard good things about Liam Neeson, but not much about anyone else.

I've heard the new sausage king is Dean Cain.

DMark
06-04-2004, 01:37 PM
Despite the name, I have heard that William Hung is not in the running.

She Bang...

Now, RuPaul is another story...

He/she bang...

Skywatcher
06-04-2004, 02:24 PM
I've heard the new sausage king is Dean Cain.Abe Froman retired?

Otto
06-04-2004, 02:35 PM
In her book "I'm With The Band," rock group Pamela Des Barres mentions Don Johnson as having the most she's ever seen. When he's asked about it, Don just laughs and refuses to comment. If Don Johnson has the most she's ever seen, she apparently didn't get around as much as she would have us believe. Either that or Don's a grower, not a show-er.

VirginiaPlain
06-04-2004, 03:25 PM
Ummmm....there's someTHING about Ben Stiller!!!*

*Courtesy of a wardrobe pal of mine... ;)

aruvqan
06-04-2004, 04:58 PM
[QUOTE=Walloon]You can check out the evidence on James and David here (http://www.hunkvideo.com/search/search.html).

I did spend, um, a bit of time here. Thanks! No Neeson or Berle though. Boo hoo.

.

I confess to spending a bit of time here, and i found more than a few guys I would't throw out of bed for eating crackers...and a few I would even supply the crackers...like Brendon Fraser<grin>

mrAru wanted to know if there was a emale version of the site...