How many people don't do 'family style' Chinese

[wolfman]

My Parents moved to a new city and started becoming friends with their neighbors. They have gone out to Dinner with several of them. The strange thing is that my mom says they didn't do family style at Chinese restaurants. Everybody ordered a platter and ate it themselves while My parents shared theirs between themselves. I had never even considered that people did Chinese food that way for dinner. Lunch is different of course, most lunch meals being designed for a single person. But for Dinner? Unless you are the only vegitarian at the table this seems like a horrible waste of oportunity to me, missing out on the Varity of food.

Personally I love family style restaurants whether they are Chinese, Italian(mmm Buca de Bepo), Mexican, whatever. A pile of this and a pile of that, but at much better quality than you get from a buffet line.

How many people do 'individual order' Chinese for dinner? Why?

[Bad News Baboon]

If it is with my actual family, we do family style with no problems.

The problems seem to occur when someone else is in the group:
Oh, I don't like tomato.
I don't eat onions.

Feh!
Buca di Beppo was a logistical nightmare the last time we went with our friends.

I also thought that Buca was more expensive 'family style' than if we had gone to say, Macaroni Grill, and ordered individually.

Never again will we go that route with this particular group.

[Ferret Herder]

Unless you are the only vegitarian at the table this seems like a horrible waste of oportunity to me, missing out on the Varity of food.
This is me. Occasionally I still have to watch out for people who will try to eat my food, or take my leftovers. I don't mind sharing enough for someone to taste, but don't try to make my food into a side dish.

[MLS]

It depends on whether you can coordinate the offerings. For example, I have no objection to spicy food, but hate bell peppers. One of my friends has a deadly allergy to shellfish. Another is a vegetarian. So unless we all get vegetarian dishes with no peppers, there's not really much to share.

OTOH, I used to work with a group who would go out for a special Chinese lunch sometimes, and with 8+ people, we'd order a couple of chicken dishes, couple o' beef, couple o' vegetable. Some spicy, some not. It was great. And at least one of our group would always be somebody who spoke the same native language as the owner of the place and we'd get the really good stuff.

[Smeghead]

You know what's embarassing? Being the only person at the table with the impression that you're doing family style. Oops.

[RealTronic]

Family-style (never heard it called that before) is the NORM when eating Chinese food in Asia. Each person ordering his/her own dish is UNHEARD of. It's simply not done at all. Maybe for lunch, when there are special set deals or something (not sure about China/Hong Kong though, since I never had the pleasure of eating Chinese food there for lunch)

However, I know that in large parts of Europe, the "non" Family-style way of eating Chinese seems to be the norm. The only time I've eaten in that way in Sweden where I'm from is when there were Chinese people visiting. Otherwise, to each his own...

I prefer "family style" naturally! To me, the only true way of eating Chinese food.

[dnooman]

Family style makes practical sense, but not everyone is hip to that. Maybe they don't like sharing dishes with new friends? They should try Dim-sum, that might solve a few things, and would be a great way to introduce the notion of sharing/sampling food.

[delphica]

Oh dear, I am the wet blanket when it comes to family style anything (Chinese, Italian, or whatever). In my opinion, the whole point of going to a restaurant is so I can order exactly what I want to eat, and don't have to eat anything that I don't care to eat. I don't mind at all sharing a taste of my meal with others, but I don't expect to carve up my dinner (or lunch) into 8 portions.

I am also the person who likes to order extremely spicy, or rather exotic, or sometimes just plain expensive items, and I don't like feeling that I've put others out by ordering food that they don't like, or making people pay more than they were expecting to just because I was in the mood for something that happens to be pricey.

[Johnny L.A.]

How can you tell the WASPs at a Chinese restaurant?
They're the ones not sharing the food.

:D

[Excalibre]

Oh dear, I am the wet blanket when it comes to family style anything (Chinese, Italian, or whatever). In my opinion, the whole point of going to a restaurant is so I can order exactly what I want to eat, and don't have to eat anything that I don't care to eat. I don't mind at all sharing a taste of my meal with others, but I don't expect to carve up my dinner (or lunch) into 8 portions.

I am also the person who likes to order extremely spicy, or rather exotic, or sometimes just plain expensive items, and I don't like feeling that I've put others out by ordering food that they don't like, or making people pay more than they were expecting to just because I was in the mood for something that happens to be pricey.
Agreed - I ordered exactly what I want, dammit! If you do the family style thing, you suddenly have to plan for every person's dietary habits. Maybe my friends and I are more picky than most, but invariably in a group, people will be different degrees of vegetarian, on different fad diets, and have strong likes and dislikes. It's a nice idea in principle, but I'd much rather be able to get exactly what I want without having to vet it with everyone else at the table.

[Johnny L.A.]

If you do the family style thing, you suddenly have to plan for every person's dietary habits.
Not really. People just won't eat the stuff they don't like. My co-workers didn't like me eating the whole salt-and-pepper shrimp. Hey, the heads are just as edible as the tails. If it turned them off, more S&P shrimp for me! Ditto the whole fried fish. If they're uncomfortable with taking a chunk out of an animal that still has its head on, then there's more for others. I, for one, didn't like the shrimp one guy ordered frequently. I called it "hot snot shrimp" because of the sauce. And it always tasted "muddy". There was still plenty of other stuff to share, and I didn' thave to heat his snotty shrimp.

[MaddyStrut]

I hate family style. I'm with those who prefer to order exactly what I want and not worry about whether anyone else at the table will like it.

Of course, I'm a bit picky (can't stand shrimp or peas) and like really spicey stuff. That may have a lot to do with it.

[CrazyCatLady]

We don't do "family style" restaurant food, for the most part. Like delphica and Excalibur, I consider getting exactly what we each want part of the whole point of going out. If I order something, it's because that's what I want to eat, and by God I expect to get to eat it. I've got no problem letting other people taste my dinner, but I've got a pretty firm two-bite limit. Anyone who wants more than two bites of whatever I'm eating needs to order their own, thank you very much. Of course, we almost never actually order specific dishes when eating in at a Chinese restaurant. We eat the buffet and get to sample dozens of dishes instead of four or five.

[Flutterby]

When we go to the Chinese restaurants we always do 'family style'.

There are the staples that we always get (fried rice, veggies, wonton soup) and then everyone gets to choose one dish. We don't really run into the problems people speak of here, we eat what we want and leave the rest. The most popular dishes do get split up more (ie sweet and sour chicken balls) but everyone gets enough to eat. It's how I've managed to try things like duck.

We've even done it when we went to try Indian.

I can see where it could cause problems, but we usually manage just fine. I think it helps that it's usually the Grandparents who are treating so it's usually more eat and be quiet, if you don't want it you can have a sandwich when you get home. It would vary with friends but the only group of friends I used to order chinese with all had similar tastes and it was more 'is there enough honey garlic pork to satisfy everyone'

[SmackFu]

It's obviously not family style if you have a dish you consider to be "yours" and that you have to share with others. Ownership has no place here.

The table should order as a group, all the food should go in the middle, and you take it off for your plate. It's your job to get your needs integrated into the selection of dishes. And depending on how hungry people are, the number of entrees may be more or less than the number of people.

That's the proper way.

[NE Texan]

Family style really only works when you have a group with a similar range of tastes, in my opinion. For the one person whose tastes don't match the group, it causes problems. The vegetarian in a group of non-vegans, as wolfman suggested, is just one example of this (but wouldn't necessarily be a problem if the whole group was vegetarian).

For example, if my wife and son and I go out, it works fine. But one time my wife and I went with my sister and mother. They like fish dishes, and spicy dishes, and mushrooms. My wife and I don't like fish. I'm allergic to mushrooms (and you would think my mother would remember that!), and my wife dislikes spicy food. They wanted to do it family style, and we agreed that time. In a case like that, simply ordering something you're willing to eat isn't enough. We left hungry, and there were leftovers of the dishes my sister and mother ordered. Needless to say, we weren't willing to eat family style in that group again.

I've had similar problems going out with people from work, but that's more likely to be lunch, where it seems more socially acceptable to order just your own plate, in which case, no issue.

There are a wide variety of Chinese dishes, and it is entirely possible to like Chinese food - that is to say, some or many Chinese dishes - but not like enough different dishes to be comfortable with family style with people with differing tastes.

[psycat90]

I'm with delphica and others, I like to order what I want. But then again, I'm really not much of a picky eater, so family style works when I do go that route.

I had my rehearsal dinner at a Buca in Vegas, and it worked out wonderfully.

Luckily, the majority of the group were my family, or close friends, so I was able to guess at what kinds of things to order, but it made life so much easier. With about 35 people showing up intermittently, it would have taken forever and been a logistical nightmare to have everyone order separately.

The food was pretty damn good to boot. ;-)

[Excalibre]

It's obviously not family style if you have a dish you consider to be "yours" and that you have to share with others. Ownership has no place here.

The table should order as a group, all the food should go in the middle, and you take it off for your plate. It's your job to get your needs integrated into the selection of dishes. And depending on how hungry people are, the number of entrees may be more or less than the number of people.

That's the proper way.
And that's the point. If I'm the only vegetarian in the group, do I demand that we only order vegetarian dishes? Or do we end up ordering a bunch of things, only one or two of which I can eat, leaving me to go home hungry? And what if I like some particular odd food that the rest of the group doesn't? Do I buy it, and leave three quarters of it uneaten? Or do I shut up and eat what the other people like instead?

Family style might work if the group has similar tastes, but otherwise, it'll never work out right. And I've also had the bad experience of eating with smug people who explained that "It's how they eat over there" (as if it wasn't common knowledge - and where exactly is it that families don't eat family style?) and ending up hungry. It's nice if people like to eat family style, but the smug little declarations that it's the only correct way to eat in a Chinese restaurant are ridiculous and irritating.

[Jeff Lodoen]

Never really thought about. Personally, there aren't many Chinese (Americanized or not) dishes I would like to eat a lot of. Variety just seems like what draws you to it in the first place.

Or maybe having a Chinese-born Vietnam-raised aunt just means my family knows the right way. My cousins would sometimes order a personal dish. Where there from you can go to a good Chinese restaurant and order a hamburger!

OTOH, Vietnamese dishes aren't served family style usually. In my experience.

[amarinth]

I'm another exceptionally picky eater, so I don't like family style.

At an Asian restaurant, there's usually one (maybe two, and I'm including the steamed rice) things on a menu that I'll like and eat. So, family style means I pay for an equal share of a meal, but can only eat a small portion of the one food I like, and end up a bit dissatisfied generally.

I'll do it, if everyone else is doing it, but generally, I'd just prefer to order and eat my own food.

[rjung]

I've never had any sort of problems with family-style dining -- you order what you want, and if something else looks tempting, you get to grab that as well.

About the only concession our family does with family-style dining is to diversity the dishes; if there's already a chicken dish, a fish dish, and a veggie dish, there's little incentive to order another chicken dish, for instance. Sometimes this requires a little negotiating ("Okay, you order the soy sauce chicken, I'll change my choice to fried tofu instead"), but since when is talking with your friends/family a bad thing?

[shijinn]

it's like ordering a single flavour pizza vs having all eight slices from different parts of the menu. much more interesting that way i think.

[don't ask]

We go out for lots of lunches at work and it's only at places that have "lunch specials" - risotto, bread and wine, one curry and rice, that we don't eat family style. That includes Greek, Singapore, Malaya, Thai , Chinese, Lebanese and Italian (gourmet pizzas really).

[BleizDu]

Now I've learned something.
I've eaten several times at chinese/thai restaurants in the past but never ever the other people said something about "family-style" and neither have I ever heard of this on my own before reading this thread.

Come to think about it, except once for some pizzas, I've never ate "family-style" in my life. (well okay I'm only 22 but still)
(And well, I've just asked my dad (60, ate a hell lot at those kind of places and never ate like that either, didn't know too it existed)
I'm seriously baffled since reading this thread it seems to be one of those "but everybody knows that!" thing.

[WILLASS]

I find family style eating at Chinese restaraunts to be the most fun way of eating as you get to try a lot more variety than would be possible ordering on your own. I accept that this idea breaks down when you go to dinner with fussy eaters or a mix of carnivores and vegetarians which is a bit of a shame but if you will eat pretty much anything (my family will try anything) then it is real fun. I think one possible way to get round the fussy eater thing would be to find some dishes acceptable to everyone and order the bulk out of those choices then order a few 'wildcard' choices in for everyone to try and if some people don't like these then no biggy, there is plenty of the acceptable stuff left to fill them up. This way would be applicable to a mix of meat eaters and veggies as you could order the bulk out of the vegetarian options and then order a few meat dishes to appease the carnivores.

[Lynn Bodoni]

There's a lot of stuff that I simply cannot eat without dire consequences. There's a lot more food that will have minor consequences. Thus, I really can't eat family style unless the people I'm eating with are willing to refrain from eating black pepper, raw onions/garlic/scallions/shallots, high sodium items, and a whole long list of other restrictions. I have to check the menu carefully, and sometimes ask the waiter to check with the cook about the ingredients, to see if there's ANYTHING on the menu that I will like and can eat. I have had to walk out of restaurants after I've been seated because I could not find anything on the menu that I could eat. Since the whole point of eating family style is to try different dishes, and I'm generally constrained to only a few dishes, it's not fair to me or my tablemates for me to order family style.

I have eaten and enjoyed dim sum, but I was lucky in that my companions knew what was what, and always consulted everyone before choosing a dish. There were only the three of us, and I was perfectly happy to allow the other two to eat all the shellfish (I can't stand shellfish) while I had another serving of a strange vegetable dish I'd never seen before.

[matt_mcl]

I didn't know that people regularly went out in a group and didn't eat family style. I thought that was the point of going for Chinese.

(Say, do you have the big round group tables with lazy Susans in the middle, so you can put the food on that and turn it until what you want comes to you?)

[Barbarian]

When eating chinese, Szechuan, Thai, indian, lebanese, etc, I have always eaten with a group of people sampling everything. Since my wife is pescetarian who's allergic to cilantro, and I can't stand chicken, it just means we talk with our dining companions about what we're eating (but we made it work even with someone on Atkins).

[Little Plastic Ninja]

When I am with my family, we each order one of our favorites and negotiate -- mimosa shrimp for you, Mongolian beef, and maybe some sesame chicken. Then a few appetizers. Depending on the portions and people's tastes that day, it's either free-for-all or you eat mostly your own dish but sample everyone else's.

If I'm in a big group of people, we *usually* order our own meals, if for no other reason than I know a LOT of cheapskates who would order chicken fried rice, pick lightly at that but take it all home as their leftovers, eat everyone else's doubly-expensive food, and only chunk in the exact amount for their rice plus maybe a few cents for tax. :mad:

[wolfman]

So, I'm guessing you individual platter people have never had Peking Duck? I can't imagine one person ordering it, because it's usually about twice the amount of any other meal. I usually save up my negotiating 'credit'(i.e. let the other people get their favorites for a three times or so) Then put all my stored up credit into an order of Peking duck, the fourth time. People shutter at the price, but once they taste it they heap much praise upon me and my suggestions.

As for the dealing with cheapskates thing, I just decided to not eat with iditos anymore. There are so many cool people to go out to dinner with in the world, I just blow off the bad meal partners, even if they are family. Saves a lot of stress.

A typical order for 6-7 people eating among people I know

Appetizer(usually a cauldron of soup or pu-pu platter)
One beef dish
One poultry dish
one pork dish
one seafood dish
One veggie dish
Fried rice.

And within that frame work

At least one really spicy
At least one sweet.
One Mandarin Pancake dish (If It's not Peking Duck, then I suggest mu-shu, I love Hoisin :))
One lightly fried(may also be either the spicy or sweet or neither)
One deep fried and crispy(same as above)
One steamed.

With all of the combinations possible, half the fun is finding the correct solution to the complete system of requirements.

[dnooman]

(Say, do you have the big round group tables with lazy Susans in the middle, so you can put the food on that and turn it until what you want comes to you?)
That's at least half the fun. I'll wait half an hour for one of those tables just so the "please pass the *****" hassle is avoided. As a child I learned all about the ways that glasses of water are affected by centripital force. :D

I'd still have to say that I prefer Mongolian BBQ to family style chinese though.

[Lynn Bodoni]

So, I'm guessing you individual platter people have never had Peking Duck? Nope. Nor am I likely to try it. Not just because the restaurants around here want at least 24 hours notice (not that I blame them, I've read descriptions of how that dish is made) but because I really don't like duck. I've had it at least five different ways, and I doubt that I'll like ANY duck dish. Same thing with shrimp...I know that other people love it, but I've had it fried, boiled, stuffed, this way, that way...I just plain don't like it.

I'd enjoy eating family style IF the majority of dishes were things that I can and should eat, and which I like. But as I said, since I'm likely to only find one or two items on a menu that I can and will eat, it's not fair to me or the other people at my table for me to eat family style.

[Alan Smithee]

All you picky eaters have nothing to complain about, really. I grew up vegetarian before most people had heard of it (at least in Arkansas). I'm hardly strict about it now, in fact, I'll eat meat with relish (or with gusto, if we're out of relish), but when I was strict, I was very strict.

It never stopped me from eating with a group family-style. I'd explain my requiremnets, and the worst case senario was that everyone would say, "OK, you order yours, and the rest of us will share." Far more common (especialy once vegetarianism became more widely practiced) was for at least one person to say "I don't mind not having meat, why don't we both order vegetables, abd we'll share together." I've been in plenty of situations where someone else has said "I only really like X," and that's been worked around, too. Only extremely rarely would I actually end up without enough food, and frankly, it's happened at least as often since I began eating meat, just because not enough was ordered (but I wasn't quite hungry enough to say, "let's order something else").

Frankly, I wouldn't want to eat with any group of people who couldn't handle something as basic as ordering food together.

[dnooman]

All you picky eaters have nothing to complain about, really. I grew up vegetarian before most people had heard of it (at least in Arkansas). I'm hardly strict about it now, in fact, I'll eat meat with relish (or with gusto, if we're out of relish), but when I was strict, I was very strict.

It never stopped me from eating with a group family-style. I'd explain my requiremnets, and the worst case senario was that everyone would say, "OK, you order yours, and the rest of us will share." Far more common (especialy once vegetarianism became more widely practiced) was for at least one person to say "I don't mind not having meat, why don't we both order vegetables, abd we'll share together." I've been in plenty of situations where someone else has said "I only really like X," and that's been worked around, too. Only extremely rarely would I actually end up without enough food, and frankly, it's happened at least as often since I began eating meat, just because not enough was ordered (but I wasn't quite hungry enough to say, "let's order something else").

Frankly, I wouldn't want to eat with any group of people who couldn't handle something as basic as ordering food together.

Dude, where's the food order? How bout a benefit summary?

[Lynn Bodoni]

So is it fair to other people to have them order from the limited number of items that I can eat? Or is it fair to me to pay for a full meal, yet I can only eat a fraction of it? I don't think that either way is fair. So if everyone else is ordering family style, that's fine with me...just let me order what I CAN eat, and keep your hands to yourself, unless I offer a taste (which I frequently do).

I'm not picky just because I don't like stuff. There's a very large range of foods that I simply can't eat, unless I want to spend the next 72 hours in a bathroom, spewing from both ends.

[DMark]

I'm confused (no pun intended).

I always thought "family style" at a Chinese restaurant was ordering those godawful food platters for 2, 4 or more people. The ones that come with soup, eggroll and the whole "WASP ain't got a clue what to eat here" menu.

But whenever we go for Chinese (which is often), we always "share" platters that we have ordered. I rarely can finish whatever I order so I don't care if everybody else orders things I don't like, they can still have some of mine.

Oddly though, I don't think we do that with other foods in other restaurants. Well, other than the occasional, "try this" bite, and sometimes even that is only to confirm the shrimp is off and not just your imagination.

Other than Chinese food, I do consider it rude for people to just suddenly stick their fork into something off your plate without asking...and I used to see that mostly in NYC.

[jastu]

I have never heard it called "family style" before, but yes, that is the normal way to eat in Asian restaurants.

For those with special requirements, they just let it be known that a certain dish is the only one they can eat, so others leave it alone, but it still goes in the middle of the table.

[Uzi]

When I was in Hong Kong visiting my family we would go to this Chinese buffet place on Lamma Island. It had the lazy susan dealy in the middle of the table and everyone shared. I always walked away hungry. Some idjit would always order something like 'broccoli' as their dish. There was always tons of broccoli left over and not a speck of fried rice left. "Yo! Broccoli isn't food, it's what food eats, ya moron! And if you don't keep your cotton-pickin' hands off of my sweet and sour pork I'm going to demonstrate that broccoli feels about as good going down the front as it does going up the back!" Broccoli :rolleyes:
I prefer ordering a main dish of my own and then some common dishes that everyone shares such as rice, or soup.

[wolfman]

I always thought "family style" at a Chinese restaurant was ordering those godawful food platters for 2, 4 or more people. The ones that come with soup, eggroll and the whole "WASP ain't got a clue what to eat here" menu.

Do you mean those sets of items that are usually titled "Emporers dinner","Golden Family dinner" or "Shining cluster Fuk" dinner or something similar that adds one more dish for each additional person? Those are generally crap in my opinion. It is usually the cheapest stuff they don't put much effort into.

(Say, do you have the big round group tables with lazy Susans in the middle, so you can put the food on that and turn it until what you want comes to you?)

Usually the places with the big lazy susans are kind of over priced tourists traps, at least here in Colorado(I'm looking in your direction, Aspen and Vail). The good places are the dark, dingy places with mismatched tables and the conspicuous lack of health certificates :). The tables are so small and cramped there isn't room for my fat gut hanging over onto it, let alone a table that can hold a lazy susan.

P.S. And re-reading my OP that is crappy typing and spelling even for my low-ass standards.

I had actually never used family style to refer to it before this thread(hence the quotes in the thread title). I had always refered to it as 'eating chinese dinner' until my parents experience with their neighbors, and I realized some people did it differently. But Buca di Beppo advertises as family style so I guess that's a good enough term for what I'm used to at Chinese places..

[doreen]

I'm confused (no pun intended).

I always thought "family style" at a Chinese restaurant was ordering those godawful food platters for 2, 4 or more people. The ones that come with soup, eggroll and the whole "WASP ain't got a clue what to eat here" menu.

But whenever we go for Chinese (which is often), we always "share" platters that we have ordered. I rarely can finish whatever I order so I don't care if everybody else orders things I don't like, they can still have some of mine.

Oddly though, I don't think we do that with other foods in other restaurants. Well, other than the occasional, "try this" bite, and sometimes even that is only to confirm the shrimp is off and not just your imagination.

Other than Chinese food, I do consider it rude for people to just suddenly stick their fork into something off your plate without asking...and I used to see that mostly in NYC.

In the Chinese restaurants I go to , the dark, dingy ones with lazy susans ,filled with Chinese customers, the food is served family style , but there is no sticking your fork into someones else's plate. Everyone has therir own plate and bowl to eat from, and the food is placed in the middle of the table in a serving dish.

[don't ask]

I too have never had a name for this style of eating. In Australia if you say to a bunch of people (be they family or friends) "how about I ring up and order some Chinese takeaway," it is assumed that you will order a pile of dishes that will be shared. The meals and rice come in separate containers. It is customary to ask if anyone wants anything in particular. If they do you include it, if not a couple of people sit around and come up with an imaginative list.

When you get home the containers are opened, serving spoons inserted, bowls and chopsticks are grabbed and you eat your meal in any order you like.

[rjung]

Do you mean those sets of items that are usually titled "Emporers dinner","Golden Family dinner" or "Shining cluster Fuk" dinner or something similar that adds one more dish for each additional person? Those are generally crap in my opinion. It is usually the cheapest stuff they don't put much effort into.
On the other hand, if you know what's on the menu, some of those group meals are well-priced. Usually you'll find the decent packages in the restaurants where 90% of the patrons are Chinese and the "group dinner" menu is in Chinese only.

My rough rule of thumb is that anything with a stereotypical Asian title ("Royal Imperial Feast") and has egg rolls on it is there for the clueless Western diners. ;)