Are you a thread killer? I am, and here's proof

[rexnervous]

You ever get that feeling that you're arrived too late at a thread, yet still post, or regardless of thread length what you've just posted will put an end to it, and in either case that particular discussion is hereby resigned to the dustbin of page 2 and beyond?

Me too.

So I looked it up. Based upon the last 100 posts I've done, fully 10% are the last posts in a thread. One out of every 10 times I post, that thread is history. That is one high number.

Oh, and here's a suggestion if you like your threads long and with lots of responses: make sure all your threads from here on out say "rexnervous, no posting here please"

[Elysian]

It would be really funny if this thread sunk off the front page without a single reply.

Oops...

[ponderer]

I thought I was the only person with that power. I can very ably terminate this thread with my presence here! :D

[Rock n Roach]

I've got you beat.

Out of 18 posts, not counting this one (yet), I've ended 2.
That's 11.11%

HA!

[Lord Ashtar]

Ha! This thread will never die!

Bwa ha ha ha ha!

[madmonk28]

I've killed threads that I've started. I think the mods should keep me on speed dial and when a thread has gone on and on beyond its natural life ask me to weigh in an put it out of its misery.

[Nightwatch Trailer]

Oh boy. Round Two. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=250465)

[Hal Briston]

Damnit, Nightwatch, ya beat me to it. Anyway....

Take a good, hard, look at what happend in the thread Nightwatch, linked to. It was horrifying. IHKATAM threated the very existence of this message board as we know it. Please, for the love of the children, do not make this a thread-killing contest. It'll only end in tears, I assure you.

Just stop posting to this thread now.






And don't post "ok!" to my above request!

[Ponder Stibbons]

Well, this thread is definitely doomed now that Hal Briston has posted to it. Doomed to go on and on and on that is ... :p

[Earthling]

Based upon the last 100 posts I've done, fully 10% are the last posts in a thread. One out of every 10 times I post, that thread is history. That is one high number.
Actually, not quite (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4948383).

[Dolores Reborn]

Just out of curiosity, I did a vanity search for "all." It came back with 500 threads (2 years worth) that I either started or posted in.

I killed 37. I thought it would be much worse. 7.4%, if my math is right.

[Gatopescado]

I think I might have you on this one. I've killed more threads than Stalin killed people! I even started two threads that got NO POSTS!

Always leave em speechless, I say! ;)

[Nvme77]

Gatopescado , thank goodness you are on this message board, you make me feel a lot better. Now did I kill this thread yet?

[Giraffe]

So I looked it up. Based upon the last 100 posts I've done, fully 10% are the last posts in a thread. One out of every 10 times I post, that thread is history. That is one high number.Well, one could argue that your contribution to each thread is so definitive, so insightful, so complete that there is nothing left to be said on the topic. To follow such a masterful post would be to stare one's own shortcomings in the eye.

One could easily argue that. One would be wrong, of course. The truth is that the members of this message board universally find you distasteful and droll, and avoid you wherever possible.

:D

[Munch]

I'd like to point out that people who vie for title of "Threadkiller" in threads like this actually hurt their threadkilling numbers, by watering down their kill-to-post ratio. In the 8 bazillion other threadkiller threads, a mod invariably locks it down, ensuring that no one, in fact, receives the ill-sought after title.

[Danalan]

Proof of threadkilling powers would be killing this thread. I predict a victory for Cajun Man. Again.

Myself, I'm running about 5% -- and that's on threads, not posts. I rarely go more than a month without killing a thread, but I've learned not to mention it in polite company.

As Nightwatch Trailer pointed out, these things tend to develop a life of their own.

[Hal Briston]

Well, I suppose we'd better get harmless and Rufus_Xavier in here to make whole thing official...

[Hal Briston]

"...to make this whole thing official..."

:smack:

[Shirley Ujest]

Please note my superb numbers.

Over eight thousand posts.

I've damn near asphixiated every one of them.

I am to these boards what Godzilla is to Tokyo.

At the rate of my coma inducing skills I'm practically a Senator or Something Equally Self Important Bag o' Wind.

Either that, or I've gained a true Super Power and am now Invisible.

I would like some pie with my whine.

Signed,

The Serial Thread Murderess

[The Mad Hermit]

I used to think that I was a thread killer. Then I realized that I have a tendency to post in threads where the participants have said all they want to say, and no one is reading anymore. That's what I get for skimming through the forums looking for threads with the most replies.

[Hal Briston]

Huh...I always go about it just the opposite way...I look for the ones with the least amount of replies, since I know that once the thread hits page 2, there's a 90% chance that someone has already A) made the point I want to make, or B) made the wise-ass comment that I want to make.

[AngelicGemma]

This thread is doomed I tell you! DOOMED!

[Martiju]

In the 8 bazillion other threadkiller threads, a mod invariably locks it down, ensuring that no one, in fact, receives the ill-sought after title.

(my bolding)

Of course, that means that the Mods probably have the best threadkilling ratios...

:)

[Shirley Ujest]

This isn't dead yet?


Here, let me be the stake through the heart.

[Ponster]

36/222 which is about 16%

I never knew I was so good at answering peoples questions :)

[Ponster]

Actually it's 11%....guess I'm crap at math too.

[Hal Briston]

No, you had it right the first time....it's a hair over 16%.

[Lando Griffin]

Well, I suppose we'd better get harmless and Rufus_Xavier in here to make whole thing official...

Why didn't I make round two? :p

[Lando Griffin]

And don't post "ok!" to my above request!

Can do! :D

[Nightwatch Trailer]

Guys. Think long and hard - I mean it - before you post to this thread. We don't want another four-million-post behemoth. Threads like that rip apart your soul and eat your children.

Just let it go. Let it go...

[Idle Thoughts]

You all have it wrong. I'm the real thread killer here, unless it's a game.

I'm so good at killing them, my own don't even get off the ground.

Now watch, nobody will reply to this after I do.

[Shirley Ujest]

Ha!

I can kill this thread in nine words.

[Idle Thoughts]

Ha!

I can kill this thread in nine words.

Surely Ujest!



See?
A bad pun = on the road to it's last twitches.

Stick a fork in it.

[Rufus Xavier]

I've been watching this thread with amusement, knowing full well that I am, reluctantly, the Threadkiller with a capital T. And since I am, I'm sure a mod will lock this thread down quite soon after my 35th post (which should occur at around...oh... page 14).
Ignoring the fact that I won the last threadkilling contest, I'll be back in a few to give you my most immediate credentials. :)

[Rufus Xavier]

Well, my mistake. I only killed three out of my last 50: one where I got a post in just before it was closed by a mod, and two back-to-back a week ago. I'm not a threadkiller after all!!! That's great! Hey, everybody! Post in this thread! I don't want to have to call you by name, but every Doper Brat should definitely respond!!!!!

MY problem is, my contributions to each thread I post in are so astonishing to others, that it generally takes them a couple of hours to post after me, to allow the brain to recover from the shock. So I assume the thread is done and move on, never suspecting that everyone is waiting for me to log off the 'net so that they can talk to each other without my inane interruptions.


Hello? Anybody there? What are you doing, listening to John Kerry? O, well, I'll just go away now. I'm sure no one will be posting in this thread for a while. Move along, nothing to see here. :innocent whistling: :D

[Batsinma Belfry]

I've killed threads that I've started. I think the mods should keep me on speed dial and when a thread has gone on and on beyond its natural life ask me to weigh in an put it out of its misery.

I could've used you for my "WARNING for the guys" thread. :)

[harmless]

Well, I suppose we'd better get harmless and Rufus_Xavier in here to make whole thing official...
So sorry I'm late.
Maybe I should do more vanity searches. :p

[ZombiesAteMyBrain]

So I looked it up. Based upon the last 100 posts I've done, fully 10% are the last posts in a thread. One out of every 10 times I post, that thread is history. That is one high number.


cheer up! It's not all that bad, really!

Don't look on yourself as a thread killer - think of your last posts to each thread as so absolutely brilliant that you left all other dopers speechless.

The up side to this is that you are always the person to get the last word on a subject.

[Shoeless]

I'm running about ten percent myself (29 of 293 by my count). I thought that was a little high but maybe it's just about normal. It's not like I try though... just happens.

[Batsinma Belfry]

It doesn't bother me anymore when I kill threads with a regular reply to the OP. But several of my thread killing posts are questions about something mentioned in the thread.

[Boyo Jim]

No one even replies to nearly 5% of the threads I start -- 21 out of 448 threads since November of 2001 got no answers.

[Batsinma Belfry]

No one even replies to nearly 5% of the threads I start -- 21 out of 448 threads since November of 2001 got no answers.

Did y'all hear something? Oh well, I guess it was nothing.




:D

[Governor Quinn]

10 of the last 75 threads that I've posted in (and 7 of the last 500) died the moment I've posted.

[Boyo Jim]

Oh yeah, and for a more general stat, I've been the last poster in 16 of the last 100 threads I've posted to -- 16%, people.

Personally, I believe it's because I deliver the most authoritative answer. ;j

[Nightwatch Trailer]

I don't know what my threadkilling stats are, but they're about to go up...

[Hal Briston]

I dunno if this will really last..."AYATK?IAAHP" just doesn't have nearly the same ring to it.

[harmless]

I dunno if this will really last..."AYATK?IAAHP" just doesn't have nearly the same ring to it.
Sounds like something from Bill the Cat. :p

[Hal Briston]

No sign of life for four days. Oh yeah...I'd have to say it's dead now.

<walks away, whistling innocently>




Woah...déjà vu (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4788272&postcount=76)

[harmless]

Just when I thought I was regaining my sanity...
I'm stubborn, but Great Googly-Moogly I give up!



:D you're, right! It is like déjà vu!

[duffer]

Well, one could argue that your contribution to each thread is so definitive, so insightful, so complete that there is nothing left to be said on the topic. To follow such a masterful post would be to stare one's own shortcomings in the eye.

One could easily argue that. One would be wrong, of course. The truth is that the members of this message board universally find you distasteful and droll, and avoid you wherever possible.

:D

You forgot ugly, lazy and disrescptful!

(off to make a turkey pot pie) :D

[duffer]

You forgot ugly, lazy and disrescptful!

(off to make a turkey pot pie) :D

That's "disrespectful"! :smack: squared.

Goddamn I need to learn to preview. self - :wally

[Hal Briston]

Psssst! Hey SiXSwordS! It's your line...c'mon! It starts with "This has worked in the past..."

Oh well...a preview just showed me that that joke is out the window. :smack:

[Ponder Stibbons]

Well, this thread is definitely doomed now that Hal Briston has posted to it. Doomed to go on and on and on that is ... :p
Did I call it, or did I call it? :cool:

Bad Hal, bad!

[harmless]

:dubious:

[Nightwatch Trailer]

I pulled down the shades, put on some soft music and tried to think. The insurance money could be mine so easily, it seemed, but there was that one problem, always floating in front of me, taunting me relentlessly. No money, it said, No money until I'm dead and buried. I tried in vain to think of a solution - poison? A hired hitman? Strangulation by telephone cord? These had all failed me, and nothing was left.

I will never collect my insurance money, because Thread will not die.

[Giraffe]

You forgot ugly, lazy and disrescptful!

(off to make a turkey pot pie) :DI wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the OP. ;)

[Hal Briston]

You forgot ugly, lazy and disrescptful!

(off to make a turkey pot pie) :D
Damnit...I was so caught up in making my earlier post, that I didn't even really pay attention to the content of yours. So allow me to make the post that I most certainly should've before:

Shut up, bitch!

:D

[harmless]

: coughs all over thread in an attempt to give it bronchitis :
That oughta do it. :dubious:

[Danalan]

Not harmless, anyone but harmless...

BTW, hope you're OK, harmless. The thread must have gotten anti-biotics. :)

[harmless]

Good thing I'm already dead....this would've killed me. :p

[rexnervous]

My God. It's still alive.

Can I kill my own thread?

[harmless]

My God. It's still alive.

Can I kill my own thread?
I believe it can be done via request to an mod.
No one's ever found out before.

Mwahahahahahaha : cough, choke, hack, hork, gasp : hahaha wheeze!

:D

[Nightwatch Trailer]

Rex, as much as I'd like to see this thread slink away quietly and stop tormenting my dreams, it'll probably only be stopped by an act of Mod.

[Hal Briston]

The word "probably" need not be involved. I give you my personal guarantee on that. ;)

[Rufus Xavier]

Do What He Say! Do What He Say!

:d

[Rufus Xavier]

what is that smiley I made in post 65? It looks like a dude with one gian tooth justting up from his lower lip. Is that a DUH! smiley? :P

[Rufus Xavier]

:d DUH! Could I make any more typos in a post? Lett mee seee iff Icann. II tthinkk II neeed thatt LAASSIKK ssurggeryy, bbeccausee II''mm ssttarrtingg too seee ddoubble.................. :w :R

[harmless]

:d DUH! Could I make any more typos in a post? Lett mee seee iff Icann. II tthinkk II neeed thatt LAASSIKK ssurggeryy, bbeccausee II''mm ssttarrtingg too seee ddoubble.................. :w :R
Rufus Xavier's first drunk post?
Kinda early on a Friday, ain't it? :p

[Hal Briston]

Ack! Flashbacks to my modem days! Diaing into a BBS and forgetting to disable full duplex!

[Rufus Xavier]

Yep, too early to start drinking and too late to call in sick. ;)

Hey, Hal, you missed an 'l' there. Unless diaing is a real word. :D

[Spelling bee] Diaing. D-i-a-i-n-g. Diaing. [/Spelling bee]

I'm diaing to use the word 'diaing' in a sentence.

:cool: Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit huffing paint fumes. :d

[Rufus Xavier]

pssst! hey, harmless and Hal, if we do a blizzard of posts, we might could get this thing up to page 14 before the mods even notice. Just post one sentence declarations, hit Enter, then click reply to thread and repeat until dizzy. What do you say?

[harmless]

You trying to get us all killed? :eek:

[Rufus Xavier]

no, just the hamsters. :D

[Hal Briston]

No, I don't like short posts.

[Rufus Xavier]

me, neither.

[Rufus Xavier]

If I type with my right hand, over too quickly.

[Rufus Xavier]

Oh, well, I just thought it might be fun, but never mind. :(

[Hal Briston]

Naaa...besides, I'm engrossed in SDJeopardy. :)

[AngelicGemma]

me, neither.
I agree

[Rufus Xavier]

Naaa...besides, I'm engrossed in SDJeopardy. :)

Yes, very engrossing. Especially the half hour break before the Double Jeopardy round.

I can see Hal, staring at the computer screen, compulsively clicking the 'refresh' button on his browser, humming under his breath 'da da da da da da dum....da da da da DA - da dadadada da da da da da da dum....DA - dada da da da da.....come on already when is it going to start!'

[Hal Briston]

Ha! No...although that was a very accurate description of how I was acting while the game was on, I'm using this break to get some work done.


Errr...except for right now.

[Rufus Xavier]

Here's my version of Double Jeopardy!

Unscramble the User (heroin, that is):
Ivam Diless

What Do They Have in Common?:
Itchy and Scratchy

Guess the Doper
He smoked more pot in a day than most people do in a lifetime, mon.

Mixed Members (combined length)
John Holmes and Ron Jeremy

X is to Y
Tuna is to salad as chocolate is to __________

[Rufus Xavier]

Hal, I'm impressed that you have the cojones to play SDMB Jeopardy, but after that last answer, I think you might do better to come back to this thread. :D

[Hal Briston]

Bite me. "quee" was right there, and I didn't have time to put my brain into 2nd gear. :p

[Hal Briston]

Besides...I gotta get out the hole now. :)

[Rufus Xavier]

I don't see how you're gonna get out of the hole now, not when you'd rather make comments on other poster's answers than steal their thunder by copying their answer but putting it, correctly, in the form of a question..... :)

[Hal Briston]

Ahhh, hush, you. I don't see you on the damn scoreboard. :)

[Rufus Xavier]

There's nothing worse than a back-seat Jeopardy'er. :)

[Rufus Xavier]

Wow! Impressive! Even Idle said so! Se,, all you needed was a little encouragement.... :rolleyes:

[harmless]

Boy, I'm out for a day and this turns into the Hal Briston & Rufus Xavier show.
So who's Johnny and who's Ed? :p

[Hal Briston]

Hmmm...lesse....if I pick Johnny, then I'm the front guy. I'll be the clocking the huge bank, and be beloved the world over...

If I pick Ed, then I can go to work drunk all the time....

Hmmm....decisions, decisions....

[harmless]

If you're Ed, you could finally award me my by frickin' Publisher's Clearing House award, live you've been promising since 1997!

[Hal Briston]

Ha! Nice try....I'm-a keeping all those suckers. :p

[harmless]

Good thing I never bought any of your crummy magazines then, fool. :p

[Rufus Xavier]

Who cares who's Ed and who's Johnny? harmless is Bette Midler, and that's all I care about. Come on, harmless, let's hear it:

Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeero............

[harmless]

That's ok, I've already embarrassed myself in another thread that way. :p

[Hal Briston]

Heh...I think I have the most valid claim (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=270838) when it comes to embarassing yourself via singing.

[Lando Griffin]

Nothin' to see here folks... just dropping by to have a post on each page...

[harmless]

Nothin' to see here folks... just dropping by to have a post on each page...
Aack!
My arch-nemesis, Lando Griffin! :dubious:
So, we meet again...... :evil smiley: (http://www.suzi-quzi.com/esmilie.gif)

[harmless]

Is it post 100......?

[harmless]

Or 101 that puts us to a new page?
Can't ever remember. :p

[Ponder Stibbons]

Hey! No post count parties!

Oops.

[Rufus Xavier]

Speaking of post counts parties....


...I have posted many times. More than some, less than others. WOO HOO! LET's PARTY!!!

[AngelicGemma]

Speaking of post counts parties....


...I have posted many times. More than some, less than others. WOO HOO! LET's PARTY!!!

We need some music!

[Hal Briston]

Woohoo! Illegal post count party! Rock!

I missed my 1,500th, so I'll have to lay another 483 posts in here and make it for my 2,000th. :D

[harmless]

Hey! No post count parties!

Oops.
It's a thread-kill party, not a post count party!
Get it right.....thread-kill involves a lot more blood. ;)

[Rufus Xavier]

We need some music!

How 'bout Punky Reggae Party by the immortal Bob Marley?

"No boring old farts will be there"

Oops that leaves me out. O well bye! :)

[Rufus Xavier]

I missed my 1,500th, so I'll have to lay another 483 posts in here and make it for my 2,000th. :D

That should take you, oh...about 8 hours or so? :)

[Rufus Xavier]

It's a thread-kill party, not a post count party!
Get it right.....thread-kill involves a lot more blood. ;)


spoken like a true brain-suckin' zombie. :)

[harmless]

Oops that leaves me out. O well bye! :)
Promises, promises! :p

[Hal Briston]

Hey, that reminds me...whatever happened to the SDMBBP Drink-Along thinger?

[harmless]

What do you mean "what happened" to it?
You were there!
We have pictures (remember the llama?)
Of course, you were pretty wasted (and I don't think the llama appreciated it and I know the goat has hurt feelings! You really should call...) :p

[Hal Briston]

Is that what all the odd messages were that I found on my answering machine? I was trying to figure out what all that drunken-sounding braying and "baaa"ing was about... :)

[Rufus Xavier]

No, Hal, that was me. I got really drunk at the County Fair and I lost my wallet in the petting zoo and I thought I was calling their customer service line and that I had to speak in goat or donkey language to get them to understand me. I guess I called your number by mistake. Hmmmmmm. So that means that I left an expletives-laden tirade about.......well, never mind. I'll just have to hitchhike back to the fair and explain my behavior as best I can. :)

[Rufus Xavier]

And if you want to know what a llama sounds like, check this out: (http://personal.smartt.com/~brianp/allsounds.html)

[Rufus Xavier]

And here's a goat in heat (http://www.ics.uci.edu/~pazzani/4H/heat.au)

[harmless]

Don't lie...we know that's really you!

[Rufus Xavier]

Drat! You have discovered my secret! Well, no matter; this poison gas canister will ensure that you never leave this room alive! Observe as I pull the ring, flooding this room with a cloud of deadly nerve gas! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha *cough* ha *cough* *gasp* ha *wheeze* help - THUD

[Hal Briston]

:: turns on ventilation fans ::
:: removes gas mask ::

Silly Rufus...of course harmless isn't going to leave this room alive...she didn't enter it alive!

Way to join her ranks, tho... :wally

[harmless]

Uh-uh!
No way am I going to resurrect him again!
Let the goat give him the kiss of life.

Come on, it can’t be all that ba-a-a-a-a-ad, or Hal would do it so much. :p

[harmless]

Come on, it can’t be all that ba-a-a-a-a-ad, or Hal would do it so much. :p
Typo, or Freudian slip?
hmmm..... ;)

[PussyCow]

I apparently have the amazing ability to be the last person to post on threads I start. I'm afraid that's really tacky and am therefore embarassed. So here I am confessing in hopes I can be absolved and the curse removed.

[harmless]

<snip>So here I am confessing in hopes I can be absolved and the curse removed.
You're wish is granted. ;)

[harmless]

You're wish is granted. ;)
Hhhhmmm.... to correct, or not to correct...... (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=271536)
I'm not sure what's acceptable anymore. :p

[Rufus Xavier]

I apparently have the amazing ability to be the last person to post on threads I start. I'm afraid that's really tacky and am therefore embarassed. So here I am confessing in hopes I can be absolved and the curse removed.

There is nothing tacky about that at all. It would only be tacky if you were the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth person to post to a thread you started as well as being the last.

This is something I've never done, but it really sounds like fun! I hope nobody else tries to do it before I do!!! :D

[PussyCow]

There is nothing tacky about that at all. It would only be tacky if you were the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth person to post to a thread you started as well as being the last.

This is something I've never done, but it really sounds like fun! I hope nobody else tries to do it before I do!!! :D
Are you challenging me to a tacky contest?

[Rufus Xavier]

I would never do something like that without checking for backup.....


.....


.....OK looks clear.

Whadda ya got? Pink Flamingoes? :)

[Hal Briston]

I'll see your Pink Flamingoes and raise you a Big Mouth Billy Bass...

[PussyCow]

I would never do something like that without checking for backup.....


.....


.....OK looks clear.

Whadda ya got? Pink Flamingoes? :)
Actually, I've been begging my husband to allow me to put plastic flamingos on the balcony, but he's against it.

I do have American flag Chuck Taylors that go with absolutely nothing and clash with everything.
I wear my wisdom tooth around my neck.

Whatcha got?

[Rufus Xavier]

Big Mouth Billy Bass? Child's play.

How about a giant transparent yellow sports bottle that makes any liquid inside look like urine?

[Rufus Xavier]

Bah. How about a framed 24" x 36" poster of my wife and I kissing at our wedding in the living room?

[harmless]

Bah. How about a framed 24" x 36" poster of my wife and I kissing at our wedding in the living room?
Each other? :eek:

[Rufus Xavier]

How about a real working LEGO phone?

[PussyCow]

A little cow on a keychain that has a hole in it's backend. When you squeeze it this gooey, sticky brown stuff comes out.

[PussyCow]

Oh yeah, and worse than that I have an erasure shaped like a Saturn V rocket that is the perfect size for my officemate to stick up the cow's end.

[Rufus Xavier]

at least it's not a pussy on a keychain................


.........what?

[Rufus Xavier]

......you know, Hello Kitty!?!? On a keychain?!?!? :o


Also, I have a ceramic giraffe painted in psychedelic colors on my desk at work.

[Rufus Xavier]

I have to go to the doctor now. More posts later. :)

[harmless]

I have a beenie baby Lion humping Scooby Doo.
Top that! :p

[harmless]

I have to go to the doctor now. More posts later. :)
Bring back the good pills! :D

[PussyCow]

I have a beenie baby Lion humping Scooby Doo.
Top that! :p
It has since been broken up, but for a good month I had a threesome between that pooping cow, another positionable cow, and a barbie doll in my office.

[Hal Briston]

Me like toys in the office...if you look closely, you'll note my Darth Maul vs. Godzilla at the far left of the pic (http://www.sirblah.com/photo/view.php?album=Work&mode=&pic=work_04.jpg&picindex=3). :D

[PussyCow]

Me like toys in the office...if you look closely, you'll note my Darth Maul vs. Godzilla at the far left of the pic (http://www.sirblah.com/photo/view.php?album=Work&mode=&pic=work_04.jpg&picindex=3). :D
Oh cool! I dig your Jay and Silent Bob dolls.
I don't have a picture of my office on hand. It's too bad. I actually took a picture of the threesome, but it is not in a digital format nor is it in the geographical location I am currently (which is not IN, thank Dog).
My office is a bit overrun with toys at this time. I have two stuffed animals, a barbie, and numerous cows (one of the stuffed animals is a cow).

And no, I have no pussies on display.

But my favorite toy is a Jesus Christ action figure. I keep him in the box usually because it makes the toy all the more absurd. I put a sticker on it that reads: "with lepar healing action!"

[harmless]

[sing-song voice] Hal plays with dolls, Hal plays with dolls...[/ssv] :p

[Hal Briston]

Hey! Action figures, damnit!! :p

[harmless]

Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to, ya girl! :p

[Hal Briston]

Po-tay-to, Po-bite-my-ass. Hal right, harmless wrong. :p

Lets break this down by accessories that come with the item in question:

Barbie doll: Pretty new outfits and shoes.
Darth Maul action figure: Gleaming double-bladed lightsaber of death.
Bratz doll: Whorish new outfits and shoes.
Jay & Silent Bob action figures: Doobage, smokes, blueprints for bashing LaFours on the head and destroying the stage.

To summarize:
Dolls -- Designed to make look all pretty-like, not found on my desk.
Action figures -- Designed to sit there and look effing cool, found on my desk.

In conclusion: San Dimas High School football rules, but not as much as I do. Bite me. :D

[Rufus Xavier]

In my office we have a Yoda talking action figure, still in the box. You ask it a question and in it's best jedi master way, it tells you (in a convoluted way) yes, no, or maybe/maybe not. It's like a magic 8 ball from Dagobah. :)

[harmless]

To summarize:
Dolls -- Designed to make look all pretty-like, not found on my desk.
Action figures -- Designed to sit there and look effing cool, found on my desk.

To summarize:
Action figures were invented so men like Hal could play with dolls and still claim to be macho. :p

[Rufus Xavier]

Actually, I think action figures were invented by Ben Franklin. ;)

[harmless]

3 minutes until I get off for the weekend!

Woo-freakin'-Hoo! :)


Pssst, Hal! I bet you dress up your Jay and Bob dolls in the Bratz clothes, dontchya? ;)

[Rufus Xavier]

psst! harmless! Not so loud! you want Cajun Man to hear you??

:smack:

[harmless]

ppsssssssssssssssstttttt! :wally

[Hal Briston]

Ummmm...why are we whispering again?

[t-keela]

You ever get that feeling that you're arrived too late at a thread, yet still post, or regardless of thread length what you've just posted will put an end to it, and in either case that particular discussion is hereby resigned to the dustbin of page 2 and beyond?

Me too.

So I looked it up. Based upon the last 100 posts I've done, fully 10% are the last posts in a thread. One out of every 10 times I post, that thread is history. That is one high number.

Oh, and here's a suggestion if you like your threads long and with lots of responses: make sure all your threads from here on out say "rexnervous, no posting here please"

Just thought I'd drop in and add a little info. since we are supposed tp be fighting ignorance here. Not promoting it. The following figures are stats. reagarding thread killers. The first list is the high percentages of members only. Naturally the Staff has even highr figures. Check the attached link to see for yourself.

Once again, we re-sort with members only:Code:
1. KP 0.472. audilover 0.383. TJdude825 0.384. moriah 0.355. AskNott 0.346. bbeaty 0.317. bonzer 0.268. scotandrsn 0.259. Rick 0.2410. FriarTed 0.23

Ya say you kill 10%...sorry Rex not even close buddy. :( Hang in there though and maybe you'll get on the next list.

In case anyone is curious there are only 5 members that have killed threads in all nine forums, the 5 names in this list are:
Colibri
Czarcasm
NoClueBoy
Northern Piper
t-keela

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=259417

[harmless]

: nods wisely at all the pretty numbers :
Yeah, what he said! :)

[Rufus Xavier]

I wonder if KP stands for Kill Post? :)

[harmless]

I wonder if KP stands for Kill Post? :)
I thought it stood for Kitchen Patrol?
Killer Panties?
Kootchie Poo?

[PussyCow]

: nods wisely at all the pretty numbers :
Yeah, what he said! :)
Beavis and Butthead said it best.

[harmless]

Meow, PussyCow.
How you doing this Monday? :)

[t-keela]

Harmless I see you express an affinity for numbers as well. That may help to explain your location. Do you really keep count?
BTW...How's the old homepage coming these days? ;)

[harmless]

Harmless I see you express an affinity for numbers as well. That may help to explain your location. Do you really keep count?
BTW...How's the old homepage coming these days? ;)
:p
Never looked at it that way before!

BTW...miserable failure I guess, but at least it looks pretty. ;)

[t-keela]

You are just asking for it you know. Keep it up and I'm gonna have to oblige these folks on what I've seen.

Harmless indeed :rolleyes:







:D

[Rufus Xavier]

you mean like:

(licks finger and makes imaginary hashmarks in air)
1 ho, 2 ho, 3 ho, 4 ho, 5 ho?
Is that how you tally ho's?

[harmless]

you mean like:

(licks finger and makes imaginary hashmarks in air)
1 ho, 2 ho, 3 ho, 4 ho, 5 ho?
Is that how you tally ho's?
hehehe "hashmarks" hehehehe :D

[t-keela]

I was thinking more like 1screw...2screw...
BTW
We're trying to get some less athletic sports for the olympics. I'm going to need some contestants. I'm judging (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5191526#post5191526) and perhaps train a few players myself.

[PussyCow]

Meow, PussyCow.
How you doing this Monday? :)
Hi harmless and you other cohorts.
I'm doin' pretty good this Monday, as good as I can.
You got a website, eh? I want a looky-looky.

[harmless]

I was thinking more like 1screw...2screw...
Or 2screw, or not 2screw....now that is a question and a half for your ass. :p

BTW
We're trying to get some less athletic sports for the olympics.
I say if they're going to have freaking gun shooting as an olympic sport, they sure-as-shootin' could have pool. :mad:
At first I was under the impression that the olympics had to be "athletic", but apparently not. :dubious:

PussyCow, I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. ;)

[Rufus Xavier]

I was thinking more like 1screw...2screw...
BTW
We're trying to get some less athletic sports for the olympics. I'm going to need some contestants. I'm judging (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5191526#post5191526) and perhaps train a few players myself.


If you're referring to the sport I think you're referring to, you're going to have to help them build up some calluses. ;)

[harmless]

If you're referring to the sport I think you're referring to, you're going to have to help them build up some calluses. ;)
So, exactly how many medals do you have, Rufus? :p

[Rufus Xavier]

I have exactly, ummmm...let's see now, one......two.....three...no...ZERO! :)


However, I do have several metals.
Also, a decent amount of mettle.
And I've sometimes been known to meddle. :cool:

[PussyCow]

I have exactly, ummmm...let's see now, one......two.....three...no...ZERO! :)


However, I do have several metals.
Also, a decent amount of mettle.
And I've sometimes been known to meddle. :cool:
Rufus, do I have to get you a muzzle?

[Rufus Xavier]

Now that's a puzzle.

What did I guzzle? :cool:

[PussyCow]

I'm feeling so happy,
you mind if I nuzzle?

Now don't turn me down
or our love may fizzle.


I'm a little too white
But I'll say it - fashizzle!



Bet I spelled it wrong, too.

[PussyCow]

That's gotta be the worst poetry EVER!

[Rufus Xavier]

Worst poetry ever?
Well, it wasn't exactly clever-
for a hurried endeavor.

:cool:

[harmless]

Don't get me started! :p

[PussyCow]

Don't get me started! :p
Has somebody farted?

[Hal Briston]

Just 'cause someone is bound to say it eventually...

No more rhymes now, I mean it!

[Rufus Xavier]

thanks for the soft toss, Hal...

Anybody want a peanut?

it's a home run!


:D

[harmless]

There once was 2 dopers, one named Hal,
The other, Rufus Xavier, was his pal.
They started to rhyme,
Oh, it was a crime,
When they involved poor PussyCow.


Wait a minute..... :dubious:

It seems PussyCow started this mess,
I thought better of you I must confess,
Watch out for these guys!
They pretend to be wise,
But it’s all just a show to impress. :p

[PussyCow]

Hooray! :applause:

Well, Ah must say, I am just tickled!
Makes me wanna slap my grandma.

[harmless]

Hooray! :applause:

Well, Ah must say, I am just tickled!
Makes me wanna slap my grandma.
Is that supposed to be dirty? :dubious:
Or am I missing a reference? :p

[PussyCow]

Is that supposed to be dirty? :dubious:
Or am I missing a reference? :p
Naw, I'm just in Texas currently and trying to pick up the local idioms.

[PussyCow]

Oh! Dirty. Yah, Of course.

Dirtygirl.

[harmless]

Oh! Dirty. Yah, Of course.

Dirtygirl.
Now did you just say that while bobbing your head ala Fargo? ;)

[harmless]

Pssssssssssssst!
PussyCow! Rufus and Hal are on line....
bet one of them shows up in 3.....2......1

[Rufus Xavier]

Hi, ladies! How was lunch?

[harmless]

:p

Awesome, except I should've gotten some jalapeños thrown on there.
Instead, I got some not-so-hot sauce from the corner store.
It sucks. :(
Well, at least now I have something to drink if I get thirsty. ;)

[PussyCow]

Hi Rufie!
Lunch was leftovers, so nothing special to report.

So harmless, is what are you having to wash down that lunch that should have had hot sauce - a margarita? With lunch?

Shameless!

[harmless]

Hi Rufie!
Lunch was leftovers, so nothing special to report.

So harmless, is what are you having to wash down that lunch that should have had hot sauce - a margarita? With lunch?

Shameless!
No....harmless! :p

I got a Firehouse Sub, Engineer: Turkey, sautéed mushrooms and onions, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese.
I've just been on a jalapeño kick lately and didn't think about it until after it was already being made.
I thought hot sauce would make up for it, but this stuff is weak!
I was getting some coffee for later at the corner store and saw the sauce on the shelf and thought "why not?"
:rolleyes:

Turkey Creek is what it's called.
The bad thing is Firehouse subs has about 50 different hot sauces in their store.
I had to get mine to go so I could make it back to the store in time to let my co-worker go home.

Last night I had a slice from Moe's that had feta, spinach, mushrooms, and jalapeños.....it was pure heaven with a pitcher of Bud Lite! :D

[Rufus Xavier]

Jalapenos, eh? To (partially) quote a recent thread title (which was not about jalapenos): FIRE IN THE HOLE!!! :eek:

[harmless]

Jalapenos, eh? To (partially) quote a recent thread title (which was not about jalapenos): FIRE IN THE HOLE!!! :eek:
Not yet, but give it a few hours. ;)

[Hal Briston]

Yet? :)

[Rufus Xavier]

....is it soup yet?

[Hal Briston]

...is it safe?

[t-keela]

fashizzle!
Bet I spelled it wrong, too.
nah, you got it right. Damned shame I had to look it up cause I never heard it before. I guess I really am a goddamned dinosaur. An old headbanging Harleyridin' Cowboy, but a dinosaur none the less. I still like my Ozzie and Stevie Ray...Jpriests or J cash. It's all good.
But SnoopDog? to each his own ya know ;)

Texas you're in Texas! oh hell where's the party. I tried to talk some dopes into goin out the other night. my treat...they all bailed. Hadda do it alone.

BTW It's funny as hell how these "I'm a threadkiller" posts windup goin on forever. OR until a clearthinkin MOD steps in and shows us all who the real threadkillers are around here. :p

[Rufus Xavier]

BTW It's funny as hell how these "I'm a threadkiller" posts windup goin on forever. OR until a clearthinkin MOD steps in and shows us all who the real threadkillers are around here. :p

If you say "Cajun Man" three times while looking at your monitor, he appears and closes your thread.

[PussyCow]

Come on, come on, come on, folks! Who will make it go to page 5?

[harmless]

I will, I will! :p

[Hal Briston]

Nope...me. :p

[harmless]

The following errors occurred when this message was submitted:
Sorry! The administrator has specified that users can only post one message every 60 seconds.

:p
Ya snuck in on me :wally

[Hal Briston]

If you say "Cajun Man" three times while looking at your monitor, he appears and closes your thread.
: cue spit-take : :)

[Hal Briston]

Ya snuck in on me :wally
And to thee, I say: Neener. :p

[Rufus Xavier]

I had a good lunch today. Jamaican black pepper shrimp, black beans, white rice and fried plantains. Yum. Anybody else? :)

[TJdude825]

My lunch was popcorn, a Sprite, and some kind of candy that was like Sour Punch, but called Swinkles or something.

Badger.

[Hal Briston]

Badger.
Hey, me too...what a coincidence.

[Rufus Xavier]

Hey, me too...what a coincidence.

Did you have it fried or roasted? Also, what brand of beer goes best with badger? Bud? :)

[Hal Briston]

Nonono...I liquidate it in a blender and then let it ferment. Mmmm...Badgerweiser...

[PussyCow]

I'm dinin' on possum meat
Ain't that so sweet
I'm dinin' on possum meat
the flavor can't be beat

dinin' on possum
on possum
I'm dinin' on possum meat

[Rufus Xavier]

You get your possum at KFP? I love their new possum strips meal! :)

[harmless]

I'm dinin' on possum meat
Ain't that so sweet
I'm dinin' on possum meat
the flavor can't be beat

dinin' on possum
on possum
I'm dinin' on possum meat



PussyCow!
I didn't know you were from Wausau (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tips/getAttraction.php3?tip_AttractionNo==306)! :p

[Rufus Xavier]

From harmless' link:

The Florida State Legislature has proclaimed that the first day in August is "Possum Day."

How in the heck did I miss celebrating that one? harmless, I'm sure you hoisted a few in honor of our slow, hairy marsupial friends back on 8/1. :)

[harmless]

How in the heck did I miss celebrating that one? harmless, I'm sure you hoisted a few in honor of our slow, hairy marsupial friends back on 8/1. :)
Oh, a few were hoisted all right! :p
and now I have a legitimate reason!

[The Great Sun Jester]

I'd just like let you all know I've found the most delightful site where you can download abandoned (http://free-game-downloads.mosw.com/) software that you enjoyed in the 1980s & early 90s. Now, if only I knew how to configure my computer to play them :rolleyes:

Killin a thread is all about technique. I'm a boorish Inigo come lately.

I now lay my salad fingers upon this thread and bid it rest in peace.

[harmless]

Lay your salad fingers else where, bub....this thread is mine! ;)

[PussyCow]

It will never die!

Viva la Are You A Thread Killler thread!

God save the thread!

[harmless]

God save the thread!
PussyCow, if you're going to be a proper Doper, you should note that the proper phrase is "Og save the thread". ;)

Speaking of which, how'd you like the goat? :p

[PussyCow]

Speaking of which, how'd you like the goat? :p
The goat....


....was wonderful. Mmmm.

Better than Brad Pitt. Who, from last night's escapade, is not a very good kisser.

[harmless]

:eek:
How dare you touch my Brad! :mad:

Cat Fight!

: pounces on PussyCow ala beer commercial :

Take that, you hussy! :p

[PussyCow]

You're challenging PussyCow to a cat fight? You nuts? I'll sit on you after pulling out my claws!

Anyway, he went after me. I can't help it if I'm irresistable.

[harmless]

You, Madam, are a lying shrew!

: tosses PussyCow into the fountain :

He's MINE!
He wouldn't go after you if your name was PussyGalore, you ho! :p

: dives in after for a some good ol' fasion hair pulling :

[harmless]

You're challenging PussyCow to a cat fight? You nuts? I'll sit on you after pulling out my claws!
You mean I get to declaw you first? :p

[PussyCow]

So harmless, does Jennifer know about you and Brad?

[harmless]

Feh!
She's just the front.
She goes to all the publicity crap so I don't have to.
I get Brad for just the good stuff. ;)

[PussyCow]

Alright, that explains it.
I always thought their marriage was just a little too perfect. Being the beautiful, famous couple. They look more like brother and sister than a real husband and wife.

So for the record, harmless, it was just kissing. I mean, he didn't do it for me.

I'll try to not let it happen again.


However, because you are a lot of fun to roll around in the mud with...

:gets in crouching position:

:lunges: (however this is very difficult for a cow, so basically goes 2 inches and falls on chin)

[harmless]

Awww!!
: pats PussyCowon the head :

There, there. I know it must hurt.....well I guess I really can't know, seeing as to how I've never been dumped before...but I'm sure it'll be all right.


I hear Ben is free....and it'll probably lead to a threesome with Matt. ;)

[PussyCow]

Well, being that Brad is still lusting after me it may in fact be a foursome.

Hmmmmm (rubs chin). 'Course I suspect Ben is a bit of a pansy about the whole thing. May have to be tied down...

[harmless]

Make that prefersto be tied down. :p

[PussyCow]

Where are the boys?

I can't believe they're not in here egging on the cat fight.

[harmless]

You know?
I was thinking the same thing. :D

I noticed a Jeopardy match going on earlier.
My money is that's where Hal's at.

Rufusis probably sitting quietly in the shadows......watching.


YA PERV! :p

[TJdude825]

:: walks back in with black hooded cape and scythe :: :D

It's worth a try.

[harmless]

:: walks back in with black hooded cape and scythe :: :D

It's worth a try.
Terribly sorry....I thought you were Rufus lurking in the shadows there. :p

[t-keela]

You still trying to kill this thread?
Looks like you get about as much sleep at night as I do. Maybe you are one of us...the undead that is. :eek:

[t-keela]

oh yeah, you can just call me the nightstalker :D

[Hal Briston]

Where are the boys?

I can't believe they're not in here egging on the cat fight.
Whoop...sorry...was busy working on the web page last night...so, cat fight, 'eh? Let's go! More splashing! More hair pulli...
I noticed a Jeopardy match going on earlier.
My money is that's where Hal's at.
:eek:
Jeopardy match?!

Gotta go!

[PussyCow]

Ok, I got a trampoline now. This should help.

(sneaks up behind harmless, gets into crouching position with large cow ass in air. Manages to jump the four inches up to the trampoline. Rebounds off the trampoline, high into the air - ok, five inches - sees harmless getting closer. Brings out claws, but legs too short to bring claws out in front of face. Nose manages to brush harmless on her butt, but ultimately lands on nose and front knees.)

Damn these stubby legs.

[harmless]

: sits onPussyCow's head :
My poor FelineBovine.

You do try so hard. :p

Yanks on PussyCow's tail.
Neener, neener! :p

[PussyCow]

Yanks on PussyCow's tail.
Neener, neener! :p
Uh- uh oh.

::fart::

Uh, sorry. You shouldn't yank on my tail, though.

[t-keela]

:confused:
These cat fight cow face sitting ass kissing tail farting posts are strangely and curiously both erotic and not at the same time. :smack:

[harmless]

Ha ha! It's a good thing the undead don't need to breathe! :p


: flicks a bic :

[Rufus Xavier]

Hey, watch out! That's pure methane-BOOM

[PussyCow]

Mmmm.

I do make for some tasty sloppy joes, though.

[harmless]

Sorry, I don't eat cat or cow. :p

: Pours a shot of t-keela down PussyCow's throat. :

Interpret that as you will. :D

[PussyCow]

Ok, so you're straight. I won't hold it against you.

But I'm telling you, harmless once you go bovine, you won't EVER go back!


BTW, got some lime to back t-keela?

[harmless]

hhhmmm.....not sure if t-keela will appreciate it, but... : le shrug :

: rubs lime all over t-keela's back :
Do you take salt? :p

[Rufus Xavier]

Watch out there, you guys. As seen in this thread, (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5218204#post5218204) drinking may be hazardous to your head. :eek:

[harmless]

Nah, just your friends. :eek:

[Hal Briston]

Uh- uh oh.

::fart::
**sniff** **sniff**

Whooo! Geez!

PussyCow, PussyCow
What are they feeding you?

[harmless]

PussyCow, PussyCow
What are they feeding you?
PussyCow, PussyCow
It's not your FAUuuuuuuaaauUUuuuaaaaaauuuuullt :p





It's thundering and lighting bigger than poop right now! :eek:
If the power fails, maybe I can go home! :D