Commentators' gaffes

[roger thornhill]

Inspired by bughunter on the excruciatingly boring Olympic thread:

'The female commentator said the following with respect to the athlete preparing to lift: "I saw her snatch this morning, and it was perfect."'

I thought there might be a little womb (sorry) for more gaffes. Two from the world of cricket (just to prove you don't have to understand the game to get the joke):

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

"Botham couldn't get his leg over." (After he was out because he knocked the bail off the stumps after losing his balance.)

The latter caused an outbreak of hysterics by the two commentators, one of whom had to retire from the commentary box, the other carrying on manfully after a long silence, punctuated by titters. Since they were doing a radio commentary, and there were no pictures to divert attention, the hiatus was marked. Needless to say, it's become one of the most replayed events in sport.

[Lobsang]

There's one classic sexual innuendo gaffe that escapes my memory right now.

Anyway, Murray Walker is the King of commentary incompetence. Google him.

[asterion]

Anyway, Murray Walker is the King of commentary incompetence. Google him.

Worse than John Madden?

[Rabid_Squirrel]

Here's a couple of gems from the rugby world courtesy of New Zealand's Murray Mexted:

"Spencer's been running cross-field all day - calling out, come inside me, come inside me!"
"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."
"Everybody knows I've been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of years now."
"Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today."
"There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside"

Even taken in context, they're pretty shocking calls. He's still commentating, but (unfortunately) has cleaned up his act to a more conventional style.

[roger thornhill]

Never picked up on those gems, but Murray does seem to have a bit of thing about northern hemisphere referees.

[Askance]

Check out Colemanballs on www.private-eye.co.uk , there are gems there every week.

“Armstrong is about to join a list which includes only himself.”
MARK BROWN, ESPN

“Nicholas Jalabert does not have quite the same pedigree as his brother Jalabert.”
MIKE SMITH, Eurosport

[Colophon]

There was an excellent one just a couple of days ago... sadly I can't remember the exact circumstances. I think it was during a tennis match with Tim Henman.

Anyway, during a lull in the match, the director cut away to a shot of a nearby roller coaster or ferris wheel.

Commentator goes into "filling in" mode... "Ah, yes, that looks a thrilling ride!"

Sadly, just as he started that sentence, the director decided to switch to a shot of Henman's wife sitting in the crowd :D

[Kayeby]

I got a forwarded email along these lines a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if they're all true, but they have names next to them (I'm just too lazy to verify any)


"Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." (Ted Walsh, horse racing commentator)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical." (Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer." (David Acfield)

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." (David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.....Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!" (US PGA Commentator)

For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue is behind the brown." (Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)

[Troy McClure SF]

One of my favorites came from Mike Krukow when Barry Bonds hit career HR #600. He was calling the game with longtime teammate/broadcast-mate Duane Kuiper. After Kuiper's call and a few moments of listening to the crowd cheer, Krukow pipes up with, "I'm still tingling, partner!"

Paul Calvisi, who I think was the anchor for Fox Sports Bay Area, was showing an usher at Dodger Stadium confiscating and destroying a beach ball that the stupid crowd was tossing around, and gave us this gem: "Give a guy a hat and a little power, and he's stabbing plastic balls."

[TheLoadedDog]

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

I only opened this thread to post that one, curse you! :D

When asked about his citizen's arrest of a nudist who was trespassing on his beachside property, Australian rugby league commentator (and homophobe - which makes this funnier) Rex Mossop declared, "One gets very sick of having male genitalia shoved down one's throat!"

[Ms Macphisto]

Worse than John Madden?
I'm not familiar with John Madden, but you can judge for yourself here (http://www.worldmotorsport.com/murray/).

A few of Murray Walker's better ones for those too lazy to click the link:
"He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it"
"With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"
"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"
"It's raining and the track is wet"
Murrary: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!" James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."

And my favourite:
Murray: There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari
James: No Murray, that's his rear safety light

[Shayna]

There's one classic sexual innuendo gaffe that escapes my memory right now.
Could it be the one where Shepard Smith of Faux News said Jennifer Lopez's neighbors were more likely to give her a curb job than a blow job? http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/2002/11/12/nptues/index.html

"J.Lo's new song 'Jenny From the Block' is all about Lopez's roots, about how she's still a neighborhood gal at heart," Shepherd declared innocently enough, before veering horribly off his teleprompted script. "But folks from that street in New York, the Bronx section, sound more likely to give her a curb job than a blow job!" There's a link to the video there, too.

[Loach]

The classic gaffe is from the"great" Howard Cosell. I remember as a kid watching him say how a particular running back (I can't remember who) was running around "like a little monkey". In context his comment was obviously not racist. The guy was running like a man possessed, making a lot of quick cuts and making a lot of defensive players miss. About a quarter later ABC was getting a lot of calls of complaint. During the game Cosell made it worse by denying that he even said it. I remember turning to my father and asking why he was lying. I heard him clearly although I was too young to understand how this could be taken the wrong way. I heard later that these acusations of racism hurt him more than anything since he was a big supporter of the civil right movement.

[asterion]

I'm not familiar with John Madden, but you can judge for yourself here (http://www.worldmotorsport.com/murray/).


John Madden is a football commentator. He worked for years with Pat Summeral (whose name I probably misspelled) on Fox until Summeral retired at the end of the 98(?) season. He's now on Monday Night Football. I compare Madden's comments to what Dan Rather sounds like when he's really, really tired (for example, by 1 or 2 AM EST during the 2000 elections.) Unfortunately, I can't find anything by Madden (searching various terms for Madden mostly brings up the video games.) Here's (http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0011/rather/) an amusing quiz from Modern Humorist about Rather's folkisms.

Anyway, Madden is known for saying things that are incredibly obvious. Things along the lines of "the team that scores more is the team that will win".

[Cardinal]

"Botham couldn't get his leg over." (After he was out because he knocked the bail off the stumps after losing his balance.)
Sorry, this doesn't translate to Americans. I have no idea why that's amusing.


Cosell was talking about Redskins receiver Art Monk. I can't find if Monk forgave him, but it was fairly obvious Cosell was talking about his agility only.

[Cardinal]

Ah. Google leads me to what I had already guessed: the British and their more recent colonies have too many idioms for sex.

[legion]

Ron Atkinson (believing himself to be off air): "That Marcel Desailly is a lazy fucking n***er"

Needless to say, Atkinson was sacked. I believe he lost his newspaper column too.

[Ms Macphisto]

John Madden is a football commentator. He worked for years with Pat Summeral (whose name I probably misspelled) on Fox until Summeral retired at the end of the 98(?) season. He's now on Monday Night Football. I compare Madden's comments to what Dan Rather sounds like when he's really, really tired (for example, by 1 or 2 AM EST during the 2000 elections.) Unfortunately, I can't find anything by Madden (searching various terms for Madden mostly brings up the video games.) Here's (http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0011/rather/) an amusing quiz from Modern Humorist about Rather's folkisms.

Anyway, Madden is known for saying things that are incredibly obvious. Things along the lines of "the team that scores more is the team that will win".
Ah, thanks. I despise football, so that would be why I've never seen him. Though come to think of it, I'm pretty sure he's the guy who puts in a cameo appearance at the beginning of the incredibly cheesy football-themed video U2 did for "Stuck In a Moment...", but he'd have been reading from a script there, so presumably he couldn't screw that up.

[Loach]

Cosell was talking about Redskins receiver Art Monk. I can't find if Monk forgave him, but it was fairly obvious Cosell was talking about his agility only.

Sorry to nitpick but Art Monk didn't sound right. It happened before Monk's time.


His fame so overshadowed his other achievements that by the time Cosell referred to the Washington Redskins' Alvin Garrett in 1983 as "that little monkey," it caused a furor. Many observers, deliberately or not, overlooked Cosell's sterling record on civil rights. The Rev. Joseph Lowery of the Southern Christian Leadership Council and others demanded an apology. Cosell being Cosell, none was forthcoming.

On this charge, "Telling It Like It Is" exonerates Cosell. Besides a host of reputable witnesses, who note that Cosell often used that phrase, the producers have found a clip of a 1972 preseason game between the Chiefs and New York Giants in which Cosell calls another player "that little monkey." Only this time the player is white: Mike Adamle, the pint-sized scrambler for the Chiefs, now a sportscaster.

Here is the cite (http://www.tvbarn.com/kcs/13432598.html)

[Loach]

It happened before Monk's time.

Oops Monk was drafted in 1980 and this happened in 1983. So it wasn't before his time but it didn't happen to him.

[Grant]

Harry Caray did things like this all the time but the best one was during a break in the game. They were showing the crowd and the camera stopped on a young couple kissing.

Harry said something like, "ahhh young love at the ball park. He kisses her on the strikes and she kisses him on the balls." :eek:

The other guy didn't say anything for like 5 minutes. I think he fell off his chair laughing but old Harry just kept going like nothing happened.

[MikeG]

Curse you Grant! That's what I was coming in here to post! feh:)

But to mitigate Harry's rep, he remembered my anniversary back when I was married and working at Wrigley Field and he and his wife sat down to a wonderful meal with us at his restaurant.

I had made a off hand joke about him saving me a couple nice pork chops about 5 weeks before the date. A couple days before, he asked me "so you still coming for your anniversary? I stammered "yes" and he told us he'd have a bottle of wine for us. We got there and not only was there a bottle, it was sitting at the table with him and his wife where we proceeded to sit for about 2-1/2 hours and talk and eat like GODS :)

Then there was the time I got drunk with Turk Wendell at Murphy's Bleachers and ended up playing lacrosse with him in the outfield at 2am....good times, good times.